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Pinching, jealousy, destructive to friendships, what should I do?

stinginess renting a house emotional instability work problems friendship issues
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Pinching, jealousy, destructive to friendships, what should I do? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

My friend says I'm really stingy, and I'm the stingiest person she's ever met.

I admit that I am too stingy.

Although we always go out and have fun together and pay for everything, this kind of stinginess has affected my life.

Two days ago, I liked a house and wanted to rent it, so I bought a 300-yuan gift, but I ended up not giving it out, and the landlord said they didn't want to rent it to me.

Then I get into a rut, thinking that I'm a loser, a failure, living in Shanghai in such a miserable way, and then not having a job. I really am a failure, and I want to go back to Guangdong.

I didn't tell my friend, but she sensed it and confirmed it with me. Then she went on and on, scolding me for being good for nothing one minute and saying comforting things the next.

Until I calmed down and realized that she was right, and that leaving would not solve my work problems. I thought about it for another day, and just told her that I wasn't leaving.

She started to scold me again, saying that before her father died, she basically used up all her savings to treat her father's illness, and her mother is also old and has to work, which is very tiring. She was angry and swore at me, saying that my personality is not likeable.

When I heard this, I thought she didn't want to be my friend anymore, and tears just flowed out. Because I really have no one in Shanghai, she is the only friend I have left.

All my friends have distanced themselves from me. If she doesn't want me anymore, then there's no point for me to stay in Shanghai.

I wanted to call her to apologize, but I was afraid to because she hated it when people cried. Hearing someone cry made her even more annoyed and angry. So I messaged her on WeChat and said, "I know I've caused you trouble. I know I'm not worthy of being friends."

She replied to me: There is no such thing as being a match or not. It's just that your emotional instability affects your work.

You are also competitive, and although your sales ability is really quite weak, you see that other people are much stronger than you, and you feel that you can't close a deal.

Alas, she hit the nail on the head. When I see others are better than me, I tend to doubt myself.

Do you have any good insights? Thank you.

Christopher James Martin Christopher James Martin A total of 2529 people have been helped

Dear Questioner, Everyone has their own lifestyle and values. Being too thrifty can affect your life and relationships. I can see you're trying to face the problem and seek change.

Here are some suggestions:

Accept your flaws and work to improve them.

You said you're weak in sales and self-critical. This is a common problem, but you can only make changes by accepting your shortcomings.

You can learn sales techniques or get help from colleagues and friends.

Don't dwell on things.

You get caught up in things and your emotions are unstable. This may affect your work, life, and relationships.

Control your emotions. Don't let negative emotions take over. When you encounter problems, think differently or find something else to distract you.

Tell your friends how you feel.

You like this friend in Shanghai, but are afraid your actions will affect the friendship. Talk to her honestly, tell her what you think and feel, and listen to her advice.

Respect her feelings and needs. Don't stress her out.

Give yourself time and space.

You're having some setbacks and feeling frustrated. This is normal, but you need time to adjust.

Do something you like or go out with friends to relax and feel happy.

Change takes time. As long as you can keep going and look on the bright side, you will be able to overcome difficulties and live a happier life.

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Emma Charlotte Anderson Emma Charlotte Anderson A total of 9476 people have been helped

First and foremost, please do not blame yourself unduly. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and we all experience setbacks and difficulties at different times.

The challenge you are currently facing is just one minor incident in your professional journey. The key is to learn how to effectively address and resolve these issues.

In terms of spending habits, it is beneficial to be frugal, but excessive frugality may have adverse effects on one's life and interpersonal relationships. It is advisable to find a balance. Moderate spending not only enhances the quality of life but also enables one to contribute to society when necessary.

In regard to the unsuccessful rental, it is important not to view it as a failure. The landlord's decision may have been based on other factors, and the value of the gift you provided may not have been the sole determining factor.

Instead, you should view this as an opportunity to reassess your needs and budget, with a view to identifying a property that better meets your requirements.

In the context of work, setbacks can be viewed as stepping stones to success. Sales is a challenging profession that requires confidence and perseverance.

When you see that someone is more proficient than you, do not feel inferior. Instead, learn from their strengths and improve your own abilities. At the same time, adjust your mentality and do not compare yourself to others too much. Everyone has their own trajectory.

Effective communication is essential for developing and maintaining a positive professional relationship. One approach to resolving the issue is to communicate with the other party directly and express your feelings and apologies.

Additionally, it is important to respect her feelings and avoid letting your emotions affect her. During the communication process, you can work together to find a solution to the problem.

In conclusion, the decision of whether to remain in Shanghai or return to Guangdong is one that must be made based on your actual circumstances and personal considerations. Regardless of your location, with the right mindset and determination, you can achieve success in any setting.

I hope the above suggestions will be beneficial to you. I wish you the best of luck in resolving the issues you are currently facing and in achieving the success and happiness you deserve.

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Comments

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William Jackson Make the most of your time. It's the only thing you can't get more of.

I can see how tough things have been for you lately. It sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself, and it's affecting your confidence. Maybe it's time to focus on selfcompassion and remind yourself that it's okay not to be perfect. Everyone has their struggles, and acknowledging them is the first step to overcoming them.

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Aleister Davis Life is a river of opportunities, paddle your way through.

Sometimes we are our own worst critics. Your friend pointed out some areas where you feel you're lacking, but remember, she cares about you and wants to see you succeed. Perhaps you could channel her feedback into motivation to improve rather than letting it bring you down.

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Edward Thomas A diligent mind is like a fertile field, always ready to yield a harvest.

It seems like you're really valuing this friendship, which is important. Friends come and go, but true friends stick around through thick and thin. Try to communicate openly with her. Let her know how much her support means to you and ask if there's a way you two can work through these issues together.

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Javier Miller The greatest results in life are usually attained by simple means and the exercise of ordinary qualities. These may for the most part be summed up in two - C - common sense and diligence.

Your feelings of failure seem tied up in your job and living situation. Instead of focusing on what you perceive as shortcomings, maybe set small, achievable goals for yourself. Each success, no matter how minor, can build your confidence and help you move forward in a positive direction.

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Axel Davis The essence of time is in the changes it brings.

The stinginess issue might stem from deeper insecurities or fear of loss. Consider exploring why you feel the need to hold back. Therapy or counseling could provide a safe space to unpack these emotions and develop healthier habits when it comes to spending and generosity.

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