Preoccupied with suspicion, believing others are out to harm me, stubborn, overly suspicious, what should I do?

From your description, it's clear you don't recognize the value of your own existence in a relationship. If you rely on the support of others but forget that they need support too, you can't see the merits of others and yourself in your anger. You rely on demands and guesswork to deal with uncomfortable feelings in the relationship. Perhaps you see your mother's excessive control and don't want to feel this excessive sense of love and control, but you can't get rid of this unbounded bondage. You helplessly endure this mercilessly deprived love. You rely on hoping your mother will see your needs, but reality makes you lose confidence in yourself and recognize what you really need in life. You're used to being controlled, so you see your only certainty in a relationship as being rejected and hated by others to validate the sense of loss from being controlled by your mother. You're also afraid of being hurt by others. You're struggling very hard in pain.

You need to address your discomfort by asking who is really at fault in the relationship. Your mother's sense of control is an expression of her feelings of inadequacy towards your father. When someone falls in love, the similarities they share are a kind of return to a former love. Your father's gambling was a way of dealing with his feelings of helplessness and lack of recognition. Gambling doesn't always pay off, so since he lost, he could only see the value of his existence in losing. Your mother also used excessive control to verify a sense of existence that had never been loved. Their feelings are about the feeling of existing in pain today. Every time we experience pain, it is an opportunity for us to grow. You have to believe that in pain you can see the value and meaning of pain. Improving your thinking is the best gift of life. Believe in yourself, grow while understanding yourself, and you may be able to understand from accepting yourself that choosing your own better development and life is the best start. It's okay, everything is the best arrangement.

If you can't identify with your pain, find a counselor or a listening partner here to help you get out of it.

Hello, dear questioner!

It's totally understandable that you're feeling this way. Your current state is an extension of your previous negative experiences. You were young at the time, but your mother was extremely controlling and kept violating your boundaries. You had no choice but to develop your own set of ways to protect yourself (defensive mechanisms), which you still use today.

This just means that all your actions are still protecting your then-injured self (subconscious).

So, when you say what to do,

You have two choices. Either you can be ruthless, change the root cause, face the original trauma head-on (which involves facing extreme pain, anger, and fear), and then release these feelings; or you can change your own protective mechanism and explore whether there is a more reasonable and better way to protect yourself (for example, changing silence to confrontation, etc., as long as it is a better way than before, or try to express your discomfort, sensitivity, and vulnerability, but this requires you to have a support system in place that allows you to be vulnerable—it sounds contradictory, but it is indeed the case). Then, you can slowly reshape your own behavior and beliefs.

Okay, that's a wrap on this short paragraph! As you know, even when you're talking about your own experiences, they're only short descriptions. Only you know the feeling of that kind of hurt, sadness, and insecurity. So what I want to say is that you need to spend a relatively long time and have enough motivation to restore your energy and confidence in this area.

You've got this! You just need to fill that trust in yourself before you can fill it in the world.

Wishing you all the best!

Dear colleague, I can appreciate the impact your experiences have had on you, and your feelings are understandable. The family environment has a significant influence on us as we grow up.

You were raised by your grandparents and subsequently returned to your parents. Undoubtedly, you have experienced considerable stress, including your father's gambling and your mother's controlling behavior. These experiences have left a profound psychological impact on you. Your feelings and reactions, such as sensitivity to criticism, the desire for praise, and resistance to control, are all normal responses to stress and challenges.

Individuals who have experienced significant changes in their family environment and a lack of reassurance may develop an insecure attachment style, which may contribute to the feelings and behaviors you have described. Attachment theory provides insight into how early relationships with caregivers influence adult relationships.

Your experiences may have resulted in an insecure attachment style, which may partially explain your current discomfort and inability to trust others.

Your mother's requirement that you maintain a diary and have it reviewed may have infringed on your privacy and autonomy, leading you to feel that your feelings and thoughts are not respected. When a mother's love becomes excessive, attempting to merge your boundaries with hers and even disclosing your secrets to the public, that otherwise warm care can transform into an invisible shackle that suffocates your autonomy.

Your intense desire for security and your concerns about your self-worth are evident in your paranoia and your apprehension about leaving any traces behind, due to a fear of being watched. We can draw a parallel between this and a child's experience after watching a horror movie, where the invisible monster in their heart represents the underlying unease and fear.

This fear originates from a breach of personal boundaries and a lack of self-worth. In some cases, deleting chat history may be a coping mechanism to prevent the recurrence of negative experiences.

Such experiences may result in heightened sensitivity to feedback from others, a fear of criticism, and difficulty accepting advice from others.

The key to solving these problems is to gradually establish a sense of self-worth and security. It is important to recognise that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and to accept their own imperfections.

It is recommended that you make a conscious effort to provide yourself with positive and affirming feedback on a daily basis. You may find it beneficial to start a new journal, which you can use to record your feelings and personal growth without sharing it with anyone else.

This can assist in developing a deeper comprehension of one's emotional state and learning to manage it independently.

Our value is not contingent on the opinions of others; it is also determined by our own inner qualities and achievements. To maintain growth and improvement, it is essential to confront shortcomings and embrace diverse perspectives.

Affirm to yourself each day in the mirror, "You are excellent. You can accomplish this."

This kind of self-affirmation can help us build self-confidence and enhance our personal resilience.

Believing in yourself is essential for initiating change. While nobody is perfect, it is our imperfections that make us distinctive.

The apprehension about change often stems from the concern of confronting the unknown and potentially losing the current sense of stability. However, only through taking that courageous step can we truly advance and become genuinely independent.

Consider adopting a different perspective, such as viewing criticism as an opportunity for growth rather than a personal attack.

It is possible to set healthy boundaries for yourself. This can be done by communicating with family and friends about your feelings and requesting more respect and space. Boundaries are not only a form of protection, but also a sign of growth.

When we learn to respect our own boundaries and face our inner fears bravely, we can move from dependence to independence and from inferiority to confidence. This is a transformation of the soul and the only way to grow.

Let us accept change, encourage growth, and become the stronger, more independent selves we aspire to be.

We are no longer the child who needed our mother's protection. We have grown up and are capable of protecting ourselves. It is only when we believe in ourselves and recognize our own value that we can accept external evaluations without defending a fragile self-esteem.

Consider taking on small challenges, such as actively sharing your feelings with a trusted colleague or attempting something outside your comfort zone, as a way to build your self-confidence.

A lack of control can result in a constant state of tension, which can manifest as compulsive behavior. This can have a negative impact on both mental and physical well-being, as well as on work performance and overall quality of life.

Spending time with friends who provide positive reinforcement and assist in identifying personal strengths will foster the positive energy needed to enhance confidence. It is beneficial to distance oneself from circumstances that may evoke traumatic memories and to seek a fresh environment.

Please be aware that change takes time and patience, and that every small step forward is worth celebrating. You have already taken the first step to ask for help, which is a positive start in itself.

Have confidence in your abilities. You have the capacity to gradually overcome these difficulties and lead a healthier and happier life.

Good morning, my name is Xin Tan and I'm working with Coach Fei You. Life is a journey, not for appreciation, but for growth.

They sense your helplessness and powerlessness, as some of the psychological trauma from your upbringing has made it challenging for you to be yourself and live in the present with ease and confidence. Offer them a warm embrace and let's investigate the underlying issues.

1. Your childhood experiences have had a significant impact on you.

They were raised in a household with grandparents and lacked the companionship and love of parents. This is a common occurrence in psychology and is referred to as a "parental relationship breakdown."

As our primary caregivers, parents provide us with the emotional support and guidance we need to develop and thrive, both physically and mentally. In your case, this support was inadequate or absent.

As you have indicated, parents often fail to provide the affirmation and encouragement that children need to develop a positive sense of self-worth.

While self-worth is a subjective evaluation, the manner in which parents assess us will, over time, become internalized as our own evaluation.

Therefore, low self-esteem, sensitivity, and suspicion, as well as an inability to tolerate negative comments from others, are also rooted in this foundation. Our desire for encouragement and affirmation from others is, in fact, an emotional need that we could not obtain from our parents.

2. It should be acknowledged that parents are not without their own imperfections.

The father engaged in gambling activities and was absent for extended periods. The mother assumed sole responsibility for your upbringing, providing for your clothing, food, housing, and transportation.

In a marriage, she is also helpless and powerless, and inevitably has a lot of grievances and dissatisfaction inside. If she is unable to vent her emotions, she will inevitably take you as a "punishment bag."

For example, her strong desire to control you is a manifestation of this. At the same time, she is transferring and even imposing on you the emotional satisfaction that she cannot get from your father.

To a certain extent, you are still assuming the role of a father.

3. All occurrences must be beneficial to me.

When you can see your parents' imperfections and limitations, you will understand that their criticism and accusations are often not a reflection of your actions, but rather a lack of emotional intelligence.

It is also important to note that those who have not received sufficient nurturing love from their parents may be unable to provide the same to their own children.

The book Mothering: The Evolution of Love posits that a mother who is lacking in self-care and self-esteem is akin to a car with an empty fuel tank. Regardless of how hard one presses the accelerator, the engine will not start.

Now that you are an adult, you have the opportunity to become your own significant other and provide yourself with psychological nourishment. A good place to start is by giving yourself positive feedback.

I would like to recommend the following psychology books: "Living a Meaningful Life," "Fly Like a Bird to Your Mountain," "The Power of Self-Growth," "Psychological Nutrition," "It Turns Out That Understanding Is More Important Than Love," and "Lifelong Growth." I hope you find them useful.

I hope the above is helpful to you. Best regards, The World

Should you wish to continue the discussion, you are invited to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

It is a fact that being taken away from your parents by your grandparents until you are about 12 years old, and then returning to them, is a form of intergenerational child-rearing that involves a long-term separation from your parents. This in itself has many disadvantages.

First, it is a fact that grandparents have different personalities and education methods than parents, as well as different emotional connections.

Second, leaving your biological parents as a child is not as stable in terms of attachment, security, and self-identity.

However, if the biological parents have more problems, grandparents can and should provide more security and care for the child because they are raising the child across generations, and they are a better "substitute parent" than the parents, which is better for the child.

Your father gambled and never changed his ways, spending years away from home.

Your mother was extremely controlling, had no sense of boundaries, and disregarded your self-esteem by scolding you in front of relatives.

You would have grown up with your parents instead of being raised by your grandparents.

You have a choice. Who would you choose to grow up with, your grandparents or your parents?

Your father's behavior was also influenced by your grandparents. There's no doubt that if your grandparents' education and affection for you and your father were different, you'd be different from your father.

It is not necessarily a bad thing that you did not return to your parents' side until you were 12 years old.

At age 12, you're entering the "rebellious stage."

Rebellion is not a bad thing. It's a natural stage in life when you're confused by the physical and mental changes that occur during adolescence and are constantly seeking self-identity. You may have disagreements with your parents, but this is a necessary stage in life!

However, at this stage of "rebellion," you are not allowed to do so. You feel strongly controlled by your mother, who gives you no space and no respect. You feel like a transparent body in front of her, and this makes you lose your sense of self.

Your mother's negative and aggressive feelings towards you are akin to having a surveillance system installed on you. You may be experiencing feelings of persecution.

This makes you extremely nervous and on guard, causes confusion, and makes you think someone is following you.

If you're unsure whether someone is following you, you should see a psychiatrist.

If it's just suspicion and jealousy, and you know no one is following you, then seek psychological counseling.

You feel uncomfortable around your mother because she used to monitor you in various ways and was unable to provide you with a relaxing environment.

Maintain some physical distance from your mother when you feel nervous.

You can only feel secure when others speak to you in a kind manner. If the tone is not right, you will feel violated. This is your way of protecting yourself, but it is an overreaction caused by past trauma.

You must coordinate the external environment with the internal environment to restore your sense of security.

Spend more time with people who have high emotional intelligence and are good at expressing themselves.

You must start with your own psychology and reduce the psychological harm you have suffered in the past. This will make your heart feel at peace.

The above.

I am Yan Guilai, a psychological counselor, and I will guide you on your journey of self-discovery and truth-seeking!

Greetings, esteemed reader! Upon reading your words, I was reminded of an article written by the public account Insight. The article stated, "When a child is raised by an absent father, they may be gifted with an anxious mother, who may, in turn, raise an out-of-control child. When the husband becomes an invisible figure in the family, the mother may withdraw her emotions and attention from the husband, instead focusing them on the child. The child may then become isolated and insecure, and may eventually exhibit rebellious and out-of-control behavior."

If your father engaged in gambling, it is likely that your childhood was deprived of paternal love. If your mother, as a woman, did not receive the love of her husband and felt insecure, she may have sought to exert control over her children in an attempt to provide them with a sense of stability and security. She may have hoped that her children would become successful and improve her life.

In the seminal work of the renowned Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler, the precise words are, "Happy people utilize their childhood experiences to facilitate healing throughout their lifetime, whereas unfortunate individuals are preoccupied with healing their childhood experiences throughout their lifetime." It is plausible that this observation resonates with your own experiences.

The family of origin exerts a profound influence on an individual, with this influence commencing at the moment of birth. While this influence may be unchangeable, it is possible to modify one's own behaviour and characteristics.

It is important to note that the process of personal change is a gradual one, and it is crucial not to hasten it. Allowing oneself sufficient time and space to come to terms with negative childhood experiences is essential.

Given your awareness of your mother's proclivity for control, it is evident that her influence has a detrimental impact on her children. An understanding of the behavior patterns exhibited by mothers with a strong desire for control can assist in the avoidance of the distress associated with being trapped within their control.

From the description provided, it appears that the mother in question has a tendency to read and critique her child's written work, which suggests a lack of respect for the child's privacy. This behavior can be seen as an example of a lack of boundaries, which can be defined as an invisible line between individuals. When a mother exhibits excessive control and attempts to impose her will upon her child by encroaching upon their personal space, it is indicative of a deficiency in boundaries.

From a psychological perspective, this can be seen as a manifestation of a disregard for the differences between individuals and their personal autonomy.

The capacity to regulate one's emotions

Psychologists posit that children must experience separation from their parents during their development. This separation process is bound to cause feelings of guilt and anxiety, which are a necessary part of growth. However, mothers with a strong desire for control will exploit this to exert control over their children's emotions.

The devaluation of education

Mothers who are overly controlling often utilize belittling and blaming tactics to educate their children, at times even resorting to moral kidnapping. When their children make a mistake, they scold and accuse them without mercy.

The act of negating one's child's efforts in every conceivable manner, under the pretext of "doing what is best for you," constitutes a form of moral coercion.

The individual in question displays a self-centered attitude.

Mothers who exhibit controlling behavior are typically self-centered. This is evidenced by their tendency to be selfish, to prioritize their own needs and desires over those of their children, and to lack empathy. Consequently, they are unable to fully comprehend the emotional experiences of their children.

Typically, the controlling mother is only able to perceive her own perspective.

The aforementioned characteristics are indicative of a controlling mother. It is therefore imperative to safeguard one's own well-being by establishing clear boundaries with the mother in question.

One's character may be influenced by one's mother and father, and one will more or less exhibit the traits of one's mother or father. The words and deeds of one's parents will all influence one. In short, one's sensitivity and suspicion are inextricably linked to one's original family.

It is not advisable to attempt to force oneself to change. Instead, it is recommended to accept one's inherent characteristics, both positive and negative, in a tranquil manner. At times, one's shortcomings may even prove to be advantageous in specific circumstances. The relationship between strengths and weaknesses can also be mutually transformative. This is a matter of philosophical contemplation.

In regard to feelings of jealousy and suspicion, it is recommended that individuals identify the underlying causes in order to effectively address these emotions.

Suspicion and mistrust frequently emerge from an individual's self-esteem and a perceived lack of security, which is closely intertwined with one's family of origin. Being raised by grandparents from the age of 12 and lacking maternal and paternal love can result in a lack of security. If this issue is not addressed during childhood, it may persist into adulthood, influencing one's interactions with others and their perceptions of you. Prolonged worrying can lead to emotional exhaustion, which can further impact one's physical health.

It is imperative to cultivate a positive outlook.

In the event that one becomes aware of a tendency to be suspicious and doubtful of others, it may be beneficial to consider modifying one's cognitive patterns, exploring alternative perspectives, or striving to gain insight into the genuine thoughts and beliefs of others. This approach can help to reduce the influence of suspicion and doubt, fostering a more positive outlook.

It is important to develop self-confidence and a sense of security.

One of the most effective methods for addressing suspicion and mistrust is to cultivate self-confidence and a sense of security. This can be achieved by adopting a positive affirmation mindset, focusing on one's strengths, pursuing skill development, facilitating career advancement, and maintaining a realistic sense of self-worth.

It is important to learn to face one's inner feelings and accept oneself. Listening to soothing music, engaging in physical exercise, and enhancing one's self-esteem can help an individual to maintain composure when faced with the various attitudes of others.

With regard to stubbornness, it may be reasonably assumed that the majority of instances can be attributed to one's own stubbornness. This may be considered a fundamental aspect of human nature. It is therefore recommended that, as long as one is able to listen and understand, this should be sufficient. It should be noted that change is a process that requires time.

It is erroneous to assume that haste is beneficial.

The following represents my own analysis and a synthesis of life advice. It is my hope that these ideas will prove beneficial to you.

Good day, question asker.

You experience a profound sense of fear and unease in your life.

The perception of being targeted by others is a manifestation of the psychological trauma caused by the actions of the mother.

Your mother exerts control over you by reading your diary. She also engages in criticism, which contributes to a sense of mental boundary collapse.

It is a fundamental human need to establish and maintain boundaries, and it is only within these boundaries that we feel safe. In this case, the subject's mother forced the subject to merge their boundaries with hers, and she even exposed the subject's secrets, which caused the subject to feel very insecure.

Such feelings of paranoia, coupled with the fear of being exposed to outsiders once more, result in the avoidance of leaving chat records.

The experience of feeling as though one is being followed is also indicative of a profound sense of insecurity. It is akin to the feeling one might have after watching a horror film, where the sensation of being watched is pervasive. This internalized sense of a haunting presence is a product of one's own psychological trauma.

It is recommended that you seek professional counseling for assistance.

As a result of the aforementioned control, the individual in question exhibits heightened levels of nervousness, which in turn give rise to compulsive behavior.

Such compulsions have the potential to impact both mental and work performance.

At this point, recognizing the influence represents the initial stage of change.

It is recommended that you maintain a distance from your mother, allow yourself to mature, and cease viewing yourself as the child you were at the age of 11 or 12.

Now that you have reached adulthood, you are in a position to safeguard your own interests.

A belief in oneself, a sense of value and safety, is a prerequisite for the acceptance of differing opinions and the ability to accept criticism.

The more pronounced the desire to preserve one's reputation, the more it is indicative of an underlying sense of inadequacy.

It is recommended that you attempt to encourage yourself on a daily basis. You are, in fact, quite capable of achieving your desired outcome.

Affirmations should be directed to the individual in the mirror.

It would be beneficial to spend more time with friends who provide positive reinforcement and encouragement, as well as to identify and develop one's own strengths and abilities, thereby fostering greater self-assurance.

It is advisable to avoid contact with one's mother in order to prevent the re-emergence of traumatic memories.

When an individual has confidence in themselves, they may be more amenable to change. It is important to recognize that nobody is perfect. The underlying motivation for resisting change is often fear. In order to safeguard one's self-esteem, individuals tend to avoid any negative feedback or suggestions. This is often driven by a sense of self-rightness, which may not always align with reality.

I must insist that you do so.

To grow and change, you have to let go of being too self-centered. Learn to love others and adapt to people and situations. Correct your energy field and avoid or alleviate negative emotions.

To truly love others means to wish them happiness and to accept or forgive everyone, the outstanding, the ordinary, and the weak mentally. If there are mistakes or shortcomings, they can be corrected. Everyone has the right to happiness, no matter how close or distant the relationship is, whether it is right or wrong, gain or loss. We all hope that others can be happy. People can bring each other spiritual comfort and even joy. It is good to love and accept others and yourself, to tolerate shortcomings and lack of ability, and to be kind at heart. In other words, it is beneficial to others or society, not to despise or reject ordinary people, not to be jealous or intolerant of outstanding people.

If you don't get along with most people, it can lead to negative energy and emotional problems. To truly love others and adapt to people and things, you need to correct your energy field so that you are more likely to find and have a loving and suitable relationship and career. You can also share and exchange what you see, hear, think, feel, or are interested in, including books, movies, music, etc., with others in real life and on the Internet, such as Douban communities.

At the same time, make the most of your love life and enjoy the little things.

Negative energy can affect your physical health. Treating your body right can give you a full-body massage. The head massage includes the forehead and face, which also have meridians. Give the head a deep, firm massage, and massage the stomach with a firm massage brush. Don't massage the stomach on an empty stomach, and then take a walk.

If you're feeling negative, it'll affect you physically and mentally. You'll often come across unhappy people and situations, conflicts with others, relationship and marriage problems (which will affect your energy), and even problems at work. This is because when you're too focused on yourself, you build up a lot of negative energy. The more self-centered you are, the more your energy will be out of sync with other people's. You need to learn how to truly love others and adapt to them, so you can correct your energy, resolve conflicts, improve your emotions and relationships, and better solve the above problems. In addition, if you know how to truly love the people and things in the world, you won't be too attached to love, and you'll be able to alleviate negative emotions such as separation anxiety and pain. You won't feel lacking inside, and you'll be able to feel happiness. Only in this way can your life become fulfilling and meaningful.

If needed, they can also help those around them grow and change together.

How excessive self-centeredness shows up varies from person to person. It can manifest as a psychological motivation to pursue self-satisfaction, compete for self-esteem, suppress self-deprecation and ingratiate oneself, blindly give in to gain, or fear losing. It can also show up as a lack of concern for the gains and losses of self-interest and emotions. Being too narcissistic or inferior, too concerned about oneself, can produce stress and worry, social phobia, and being caught up in one's own emotions and thoughts. It can also lead to an unhealthy focus on what others think of oneself, an inability to accept one's own shortcomings and inadequacies, a drive for perfection, and obsessive, controlling, or possessive behavior.

If you focus only on yourself, you'll end up feeling anxious, depressed, and tired. You might even struggle to adapt to the people and environment at your school or workplace. But if you truly love others and adapt to them, you'll naturally look down on yourself and restore positive energy.

In short, do your best, have good intentions, and don't cause harm to others because nobody wants to suffer.

It would seem that you grew up with your grandparents and then were strictly controlled by your mother, while your father was away for a long time and had a gambling problem. Such a growing environment could indeed have a significant impact on your psychology and emotions. The symptoms you currently show, such as being unable to accept criticism, being sensitive and suspicious, deleting chat history, and being headstrong, may be related to your growing up experience. In order to improve these problems, we would like to suggest the following:

It might be helpful to consider seeking psychological treatment. This could involve finding an experienced psychotherapist to help you deal with past trauma, learn how to cope with current difficulties, and cultivate healthier mental and behavioral habits through professional psychological counseling.

It may be helpful to engage in self-reflection and cognitive restructuring. This could involve exploring why you are the way you are and how these patterns of behavior were formed. Through this process, you may gradually recognize your own problems and have the opportunity to make conscious changes.

It may be helpful to consider ways of boosting your self-confidence. One approach could be to focus on doing things that you are good at, and to look for ways to build your self-confidence through successful experiences. At the same time, it could be beneficial to learn to accept your imperfections and to be less demanding on yourself.

It would be beneficial to build good interpersonal relationships. Attempting to trust others and learn to listen to their opinions and suggestions could be a good place to start. Similarly, learning to express your feelings and needs could help you communicate and interact with others more effectively.

It might be helpful to develop hobbies as a way of distracting yourself and reducing psychological pressure. These hobbies can be anything you like, such as sports, music, painting, etc.

It may be helpful to learn ways to deal with stress, such as deep breathing, meditation, and relaxation training. These methods can potentially assist in maintaining calm and rationality when facing stress.

It is important to remember that change is a long and difficult process that requires patience and perseverance. It is natural to feel discouraged at times, but it is crucial to believe in your ability to make changes.

At the same time, it is important to be kind to yourself and to learn to accept your imperfections, taking gradual steps towards making positive changes.

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan, and I'm a counselor in the Transactional Analysis school.

From what you've shared, I can tell you're going through a rough patch. It seems like you might be facing some mental health challenges, which could be influenced by your family environment and upbringing.

It's so sad to see how the mother's strong desire to control and the father's absence may have affected the questioner's self-esteem and sense of trust. From what the questioner has shared, it's clear that his mother has had a big impact on his behavior.

It's so sad to see that the questioner didn't feel much support from their parents. It's even sadder to see that they felt a lot of humiliation, which made it difficult for them to have a stable and positive perception of the objective world.

It's so clear that these experiences have had a profound impact on the person's personality development and psychological state. The problems the questioner is currently facing, including the desire for control, sensitivity and suspicion, and stubbornness, are all psychological traces left by these experiences.

The first step to solving these problems is to recognize them and seek professional help. Mental health professionals, such as psychologists or counselors, are there to help you understand your feelings and provide strategies to deal with your challenges.

I'm really sorry, but since the question was asked on a platform, we can't go into too much detail. What I can do is give you a few simple tips that might help.

It's so important to enhance self-awareness and acceptance. The questioner needs to realize that some of their behaviors and thought patterns are the result of past experiences, not their true intentions. It's also crucial to understand that everyone has a unique background and experiences that have shaped their personality and behavior.

It's okay to not be perfect! Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Learning to accept yourself is the first step to growing and improving your personal relationships.

It's so important to seek professional help when you need it. You can find an experienced counselor or therapist who can help you explore your inner world, understand your emotions and behavior patterns, and through conversations, gain a deeper understanding of your behavior patterns and the external factors that have shaped your personality. They can also help you understand your feelings and provide professional treatment recommendations.

It's so important to learn to communicate! The questioner needs to establish healthy communication relationships with family and friends. This means learning to listen and express their thoughts and feelings. At the same time, it's also a great idea to learn to accept feedback and suggestions from others. This will help the questioner to adjust their behavior and attitude.

It's so important to be able to express your feelings and thoughts clearly, otherwise you might find that you get on better with people if you just let your feelings out! The questioner really needs some professional guidance to help them get out of their self-protection mode.

It's so important to set boundaries in our communication. It's not about avoiding others, but about learning to communicate while maintaining healthy limits. For Snowfox, it would be really helpful to establish some good boundaries with their family and friends.

This may include setting communication methods and frequencies that work for the questioner. It's also a good idea to set some boundaries to protect the questioner. When communicating with others, the questioner can gradually let go of their inner anxiety and doubts. As long as they grasp the boundaries, they will feel relaxed and at ease when interacting with others.

Cultivate a positive mindset! Focus on your own strengths and achievements to boost self-confidence and self-esteem. And don't forget to learn to let go of the past and face the present and future with a more positive and optimistic attitude.

If you find yourself having suspicious or paranoid thoughts, it's totally normal! Just take a moment to question whether those thoughts are actually true. Look for evidence to support or disprove them.

It's so important to learn how to deal with emotions in a healthy way. There are lots of great ways to do this, like through meditation, exercise, or keeping a diary.

Take it slow and steady! It's important to understand your own behavior patterns and think about how they affect your life. If you're struggling with habits like deleting chat history, don't worry! You can try changing these habits gradually.

For example, you can keep chat history for a period of time, and then gradually extend the retention time, and eventually overcome this habit. You've got this!

It's so important to establish a relationship of trust. The main thing to remember is that trust is based on mutual understanding and respect. It's something that's built over time and through consistent behavior. So, try to establish trust with a small group of people and gradually expand this circle.

It's so important to try to connect with others and build a bond where you can understand each other and trust each other. At the same time, it's also really helpful to learn to trust yourself and believe in your own abilities and value.

Stay patient and persistent, my friend! Change can be tough, but being open to advice and feedback from others is a big part of growing up. Change is a long process that requires time and patience. Be patient with yourself and remember that every small step is progress!

It'll take time, but you can do it! Gradually adjust your mindset and behavior. And don't forget to keep your chin up and believe in yourself. You can overcome difficulties and achieve self-growth!

Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. I'm so happy to see that the original poster has asked for help on this platform! It's a great first step towards change. Many people encounter difficulties in life, but with the right support and resources, the original poster can learn to cope with these challenges and gradually improve their quality of life.

You've got this! Everyone has the potential to change and grow. As long as you're willing to put in the effort, you'll find a way to overcome your current difficulties and lead a healthier, happier life.

I really hope my answer helps the original poster!

I'd also like to suggest a few books that I think you'll find helpful.

"The Family of Origin: How to Repair Your Character Deficiencies" is a great read! It offers a deep dive into how our original family environment shapes our growth and character development. Plus, it provides tons of practical tips and techniques to help us better understand and manage our emotional and behavioral patterns.

Self-Control: This book is a great help to us all! It helps us understand our desire for control and shows us how we can adjust and control our behavior and emotions. It provides many scientific methods and techniques to help us establish healthier habits and thinking patterns.

I'd like to suggest the book Emotional Manipulation: Why the Ones Who Hurt Us the Most Are the Ones We Are Closest to. It offers a really in-depth analysis of the internal mechanisms of emotional manipulation and why it often occurs among those closest to us. It's a great read! Emotional manipulation is a hidden and insidious form of violence that may be carried out in the name of love or concern, but is actually an infringement on the independence and self-awareness of others.

The Awakening of the Inner Parent is a wonderful book that dives deep into the relationship between the "inner parent" and the "inner child" in our own hearts. It offers a detailed look at how these two inner selves form, the struggles they face, and how they can find peace with each other. It's a beautiful way to understand ourselves and our relationships with others.

Hello, my name is Coach Yu, and I would love to chat with you about this topic.

Let's start by chatting about our inner child.

It's so common for there to be a wounded child hidden behind every adult's story. The emotional setbacks and disillusions experienced in the relationship with parents in childhood will often be reconstructed in negative transference. The trauma is an abandonment or betrayal that stays in the heart, an extension of the impulses that were once rejected or suppressed.

As the questioner wrote, he was brought up by his grandparents and has always been a little suspicious of others, believing that others are out to get him.

Our parents' feedback and behavior during our childhood is the only way for us to understand ourselves. If our parents say we are not doing a good job and keep giving us negative feedback, we might feel ashamed inside, thinking that we are not good and that we're not able to do things right. Such self-blame and self-attack will in turn intensify the sense of shame, thus making our inner child more and more fearful.

As the questioner wrote, my mother never praised me, and she scolded me in front of relatives when I made a fool of myself. I know I can be a bit stubborn and headstrong, but I'm working on it! I usually only accept kind words from others, and I like to delete records whenever the tone is slightly wrong. I can't trust others, but I'm working on it!

Once we understand the trauma of our inner child, how can we help our inner child heal and become stronger?

It's so common for what makes us vulnerable in the present to be our emotions. They're the result of an inner child who was hurt.

Our childhood fears were not properly seen and soothed. This can cause us to feel inferior when we encounter similar situations in reality. This can then lead to feelings of worry and fear, as well as some physical reactions.

It's okay if some childhood experiences caused us some harm. We can rely on our own strength to see the helpless and lonely self from the past, accept the self that was unloved, and strive to reconcile with ourselves.

So, when you notice negative emotions like fear or terror, try taking three deep breaths and saying to yourself, "It's not my fault!" and just let the emotions flow.

Another thing you can do is to record what you're feeling right now. It's totally up to you whether you want to share this with anyone else or not. Just write about your feelings as honestly and openly as you can. This will help us to understand why we feel the way we do and also help us to work out what the real problem is.

We can open our hearts and find a suitable opportunity to talk with our parents about our childhood. It's not about assigning blame, but about helping us to better understand each other, improve our parent-child relationship, and at the same time help ourselves to reconcile with the past. This can be a wonderful way to connect with our parents and create a stronger bond.

And now, let's chat about acceptance!

Everyone is imperfect, and everyone has a side they don't want to touch, which we might call the dark side. People around us don't want to accept it, and even we ourselves can't face it. So we put on a mask, pretending to be the role that others like, but we are tired of living like this.

Let's ask ourselves some questions. What is it about ourselves that makes us distrust others? What is it about ourselves that makes us not listen to others?

We can also ask ourselves: What is it about ourselves that likes to delete chat history? And what is it about ourselves that likes to be suspicious of others?

We can also ask ourselves, "What is the ideal interpersonal relationship like?" and "What is the ideal self like?"

"What can I do to become the person I want to be?" Then you can praise your own strengths and build up a sense of self-confidence. You've got this!

If this bothers you, don't worry! It can take time to overcome it, but you can do it. Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. Or, if you feel the need, you can also find a counselor. They can help you express your emotions to relieve the heaviness and blockage in your heart.

We also try to learn to love ourselves, starting by treating our bodies well. We tell ourselves that we have grown up, that we have the strength and ability to protect ourselves, that we can affirm and satisfy our own needs, that we can express and communicate our own thoughts, and that we can accept and appreciate our imperfect selves. Other people's opinions are just a minor incident. It's so important to learn to look within, hug our inner child, and become our own inner parent. When our core is stable, we will find the eye of life for ourselves, as well as the eye of love, and of course the eye of living a happy life.

I'd highly recommend reading Embrace Your Inner Child.

Dear questioner, I'm sorry you're hurting. I hope my reply helps.

Grandparents took you to the age of 12 before returning to your parents. The child who needs their parents' company the most has no idea what you have been through. They worry about fear, loneliness, abandonment, and whether they feel insecure all the time. You have survived all these days.

Your mother controls you. You feel no warmth from your family. You have a hard time. You never get any praise, and your mother embarrasses you in front of your relatives. Is this your real mother? You have to deal with everything yourself.

You feel uncomfortable at home and can't sleep. You only accept kind words from others, but not bad words. Have you projected others onto your mother and hope to get their support? You won't listen even if it is for your own good. What do you feel?

You are linked to your mother because you always think about her. This makes you feel safe.

Seeing and expressing your pain will help. Talk to a counselor you trust. You have been suppressed for too long. If necessary, get professional help to stabilize your emotions. Group therapy with others is also a good choice.

You have negative emotions inside. How can you trust others? You isolate yourself from the outside world. You protect yourself from harm. You take the blame for others' mistakes.

You need love, support, and help from others to learn to give, communicate, and find your own love, talent, and freedom.

Best wishes!