Psychologically torn, looking for a sense of superiority while feeling worthless?

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question, I can relate to how you feel. It's like you're caught between two voices in your head. One is positive, highlighting your strengths, while the other is more critical, reminding you of your shortcomings. These two voices can be exhausting and prevent you from feeling at peace. It's like the voice of judgment overrides the positive one, leading to self-judgment.

If this goes on for too long, you'll likely feel depressed and lack the energy and motivation to do anything. As we often say, the questioner will be in a "low frequency" state.

The interpersonal relationship issue the questioner brought up is probably related to their upbringing. This is because, in general, everything that happens in the early stages of life has a big impact on the rest of your life.

It'll affect how you see yourself and others, and it'll also shape how you understand and perceive the world. As they say, people often view everything from a single perspective. For the questioner, they can think about the relationship between themselves and their parents.

It's not about joining others in judging or criticizing their parents. It's about understanding how our early experiences affect our lives today.

The questioner said, "I like to be close to friends of the same sex, but after a long time, I start to see their flaws and get really emotional. This is normal because when people are still in a new relationship, it's easier to stay harmonious. Once you get to know each other, you'll start to see parts of yourself in the other person and start to judge them."

Here are some tips on how to make yourself more comfortable:

Be more tolerant of yourself and judge yourself less. As the questioner describes, you can see the advantages or strengths in yourself. Ask the questioner to experience it for themselves. What are your feelings (both physically and mentally) when you feel you have advantages or see your strengths?

(How do you feel in your body and mind?) Think about how you'll be different after having such feelings.

It's important to adjust the frequency and change the perspective. In the description, the questioner says, "I cycle through these conflicting emotions, becoming melancholy and negative."

"Yes, this is a classic example of self-depletion. We can look at it from a different angle and focus on what we have. We can note down the things that make us feel relaxed and happy, even if they're just small things.

For instance, you might be pleased with your haircut today, or you might have cooked a tasty meal for yourself and your family and received positive feedback. Focus on the things that make you happy and give you energy, and you'll see amazing changes! You can draw the energy you need from the little things in your daily life.

3. To understand your present, you have to look back at your past – personal experience. As we said earlier, the source of the critical voice in the questioner's body may be related to the growth experience when they were a child, and to the personal relationship between the caregiver and the questioner. If we can find it and look again at what happened at the time from the perspective of the present, your understanding of yourself will change.

I'd recommend that the questioner find a local counselor to help them and work with them to understand themselves better.

I hope my reply helps the questioner! Best wishes!

Hello.

Let's sort out how we should reasonably view these characteristics in ourselves: feeling inferior, jealousy, poor interpersonal relationships, dependence, and lack of assertiveness.

Let me be clear: we all have these characteristics, but their impact on our lives and work varies. If they don't affect us, we can avoid the trap of self-labelling. Once we have these labels, we become immersed in them and fail to see the good things about ourselves.

"Low self-esteem, unable to find any good points about myself." Let me be clear: good points are not special skills. Think about it carefully, and I guarantee you will discover many good points in yourself.

Your description reveals several strengths, including introspection, motivation, integrity, and empathy.

Appreciate yourself. When you do, your shortcomings become relative strengths. This is the right attitude to have towards yourself and towards other people.

Look at your friends with an appreciative eye. You'll see their good points and feel less critical, which will help you get along with others.

A psychologist once said, "Our inner perception of things is a projection of our inner self." This means that "I feel like I'm easily looked down on by others" is a projection of one's self-assessment onto others. We feel internally that people who lack assertiveness, are highly dependent, and don't know how to adapt are unpopular. This is a false assumption. Others do not think this way about us.

We feel twisted because we think too much. Let me be clear: these are all imagined by ourselves and not real things that have happened.

The most popular quality is "honesty." We must give up these self-judgments and be true to ourselves. This is the only way to attract equally true friends.

"When I grow up, I'm going to accept the respect and enthusiasm of others. I'm going to find out what I need to do, and I'm going to feel at ease when I am ignored. I'm going to take responsibility for my actions and not disappoint others.

This may be a sense of unworthiness caused by our inner lack of confidence. We must accept that we don't deserve respect and enthusiasm from others. Instead, we feel at ease when we are ignored.

We cannot experience the pleasure of giving and receiving because we do not deserve to feel good.

The following strategies are recommended:

(1) Look for the good in yourself and others with a positive outlook. Appreciate it. Don't find fault.

(2) Find something in life and work to prove that you are not what you are now. Find examples of your own success and fill yourself with confidence.

(3) Accept your own imperfections and accept the imperfections of others.

(4) Be true to yourself.

I am confident that you will find this inspiring.

Best wishes!

Greetings. I am Yi Ya Shu, a heart exploration coach (Yiran). After perusing your post, I discern that you are profoundly afflicted by an inferiority complex, and I am genuinely motivated to assist you.

As previously stated, the subject expressed feelings of internal conflict, a sense of inadequacy, and a lack of competitiveness. However, the subject also attempted to establish a sense of superiority through comparison, with the intention of proving their own self-worth.

Indeed, when an individual experiences a profound sense of inferiority, it becomes challenging to perceive their own merits and value. This can lead to a lack of self-esteem. In such instances, individuals may seek to compensate for this lack of self-esteem by seeking a sense of superiority from external sources.

However, the desire to find external validation can only provide a transient sense of superiority and compensation. Ultimately, one remains inferior in spirit.

Ultimately, low self-esteem can be attributed to an absence of a positive self-image and a lack of self-acceptance.

When an individual is unable to establish a healthy relationship with themselves, it becomes challenging for them to maintain positive and productive relationships with others.

Additionally, you have indicated a proclivity for jealousy and a tendency to regard individuals who are perceived as inferior with disdain.

Such behaviors are a result of an inability to accept one's true self, which manifests as projections of self-rejection onto external individuals and objects.

The original poster did not mention his or her original family. Indeed, our relationship with ourselves is formed by the manner in which our caregivers treated us during our formative years.

If, during one's formative years, one's parents or other caregivers consistently and negatively evaluated their child, frequently adopted a demeaning attitude toward them, rarely acknowledged their positive attributes, or failed to accept their child's genuine identity, but rather expected them to conform to a preconceived ideal, it is not uncommon for the child to develop an intense dislike of themselves and a sense of inadequacy. This represents the fundamental aspect of the relationship we form with ourselves, as previously discussed.

In adulthood, the harsh and intolerant attitude of one's caregivers towards the individual will be internalized and form the basis for the individual's self-perceived requirements and judgments.

An individual who is inclined to evaluate and criticize themselves harshly is unlikely to demonstrate tolerance towards those in their immediate vicinity.

This is why you assert that it is simple to become envious of others when attempting to form relationships, or that after an extended period of time, individuals who are close friends may engage in the exacerbation of one another's disagreements and become emotionally distraught.

Indeed, it is evident that you do not genuinely possess such characteristics. The original poster is, by all accounts, a benevolent and empathetic individual. It is, therefore, reasonable to conclude that his current disposition is a consequence of a lack of affirmation and acceptance during his formative years.

You have indicated that you tend to engage in excessive behaviors in relationships, both longing for and fearing them. These behaviors may be a result of a long-standing tendency to experience loneliness, a lack of companionship and support, and a hope for companionship and understanding. However, when you do form relationships, you experience fear that you will not be able to handle the relationship well and will get hurt, which then leads to further fear. This kind of conflicting emotional state must be very distressing.

It is this author's recommendation that the questioner first seek out a group that is more accepting and warm, and that they experience high-quality love and companionship in the group, rather than blindly socializing with people.

The act of forming friendships without due consideration may result in the association with individuals who are ultimately detrimental to one's well-being. This experience is likely to exacerbate an already existing apprehension about interpersonal relationships. It may, therefore, be prudent to avoid hastily forming friendships and instead engage in activities within a structured group setting with a positive outlook.

To illustrate, my current closest friend is someone I met in a psychology course group, where there were teachers to accompany us and also peers who had similar concerns as us. This increased the likelihood of forming friendships with individuals who could provide support and understanding.

Additionally, it was stated that you have experienced difficulties in accepting the respect and enthusiasm of others. You have also indicated a sense of being at a loss for what to do and a preference for being ignored. Furthermore, you have expressed feelings of embarrassment and burden, as well as a fear of disappointing others.

This may also impede interpersonal relationships. Previous experiences have been predominantly negative, and those around you have not respected you. Rather, they have neglected you. Consequently, when someone respects and cares for you, you feel undeserving. Neglect provides a sense of ease.

Given the prevalence of experiences of being treated coldly, a pattern has emerged that shapes one's sense of self-identity.

To overcome this obstacle, it is necessary to gradually accept the positive qualities of others. Initially, one may experience discomfort, but with time, one will become accustomed to the positive actions of others. This process is gradual, so it is important not to become overwhelmed.

Should your financial resources permit, I would suggest a longer-term psychological counseling session. I have personally undergone this experience, and in the counselor's accepting attitude, I gradually came to perceive that my authentic self could also be loved and accepted, thereby developing a foundation of self-love. This foundation should not be underestimated, as it plays an instrumental role in our healing process.

It is my sincere hope that the advice I have provided will prove beneficial to you. I encourage you to emerge from your current state of self-imposed isolation. I am confident that, beneath your outward reserve, you possess a genuine capacity for affection and compassion. It is evident that you have experienced significant trauma and have not yet had the opportunity to process and heal from it. It is my hope that you will be able to facilitate your own healing and regain your confidence.

Hello! I can see you're struggling. It's wrong to put down people who are better than you, and it's wrong to be unkind to people who are not as good as you. You know this, but you can't help yourself. You feel like you don't have any friends, and you always find fault with them after you get close to them. Everything seems to change because of your conflicts, and it's really hard to bear.

You want to change but don't know which way to go. You haven't given up trying. Good for you!

Can you give the inner child strength?

Your strong sense of "dependence" seems related to the helplessness and timidity you felt when you transferred schools as a child. Those city kids who laughed at and bullied you must have hurt you deeply.

Maybe the past has left you insecure.

You feel inferior and afraid of being looked down upon because you're insecure. You look down on others, which is a projection of this.

I don't know what you lacked in your early years that made it hard for you to reassure that frightened "inner child" of yours. After all these years, when you see that child's helplessness and timidity, does it hurt your heart? Do you want to protect him?

Tell him, "I know you're scared, but I'm here. We've figured it out. There's strength in us."

You don't have to forget the past. You don't have to fight it. Just accept it. Reassure that child inside you that you are trying a new way of living.

Self-deprecation can help you focus on the positive.

Your search for superiority is rooted in an inferiority complex. When you let go of your inner child, you can turn this complex into self-awareness.

When you feel compassion, act together with the person you feel it for. You'll feel confident.

If you're jealous of someone who's better than you, look for things you have in common. Or ask them for advice.

Turning inner jealousy into praise helps you change and improve.

When you're about to start picking on your friends, tell them, "I'm starting to envy you. Help me stop."

Some strength is hidden in the heart. It can hurt you and others, but if you speak up, it can help you and others.

Don't rush it. Give yourself time.

Don't force yourself to change quickly or set a time limit. This will only make you anxious.

Take your time and focus on making progress.

When you praise, comfort, help, or make a decision on your own, reward yourself! Reward yourself for every small step of change after experiencing setbacks!

Read the book Inferiority and Transcendence when you have time. Everyone is imperfect but can improve. It will make you more confident!

Good day.

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I am a heart exploration coach. I have carefully read the post and believe I can help you resolve the conflict and inferiority complex you have identified.

Furthermore, I would like to commend the original poster for their courage in facing their inner self and seeking assistance on this platform. This initiative will undoubtedly facilitate a deeper understanding of oneself, enabling the poster to make necessary adjustments and embrace confidence.

I will now share my observations and thoughts from the post, which may assist the poster in viewing themselves from a more diverse perspective.

1. Narcissism is a fantasy of inferiority.

The post indicates that the individual in question exhibits an inferiority complex, a lack of self-assurance, and a tendency to compare themselves unfavourably to others. Despite this, they seek to enhance their sense of self-worth by seeking external validation and proving their worth. However, even when they feel they have gained a certain level of superiority, they still feel a sense of emptiness.

After reviewing this information, I believe the most encouraging aspect is that you have identified your areas for improvement.

It is not uncommon for individuals to be unaware of the root causes of their issues. Once these issues have been identified, it is essential to address them in a constructive manner.

I believe the root of the issue lies in an inferiority complex. Could you please clarify what you understand by this term?

In essence, an inferiority complex is the tendency to hold oneself to an unattainable standard of perfection. In other words, one has an ideal self-image that is not aligned with reality.

Let us define narcissism. Narcissism is the love of the idealized self.

It can be observed that there is a correlation between feelings of inferiority and narcissistic tendencies. This is because individuals who feel inferior tend to idealize their own self-image, seeking to align it with an imagined, more positive version of themselves.

I believe that the host may now have a more comprehensive understanding of their inner struggles and conflicts.

For individuals with low self-esteem, it can be challenging to develop positive relationships with others when they lack self-worth and value. Similarly, those who do not value themselves may find it difficult to form connections with others.

2. Identify the root causes of your feelings of inferiority.

As detailed in the original post, the individual in question relocated to the city during their formative years. They exhibited a tendency towards timidity and a sense of helplessness. They also encountered difficulties in forming relationships with their peers in the city, resulting in teasing and bullying. The individual in question displays a strong desire and fear of interpersonal interactions.

From the information provided, it can be observed that the host was subjected to frequent bullying during his formative years. This must have caused him significant distress.

Fortunately, we are now in a position to take action. Let's examine the potential connection between our inferiority complex and such growth experiences.

A person's inferiority complex is often closely related to their own growth experience, particularly their childhood experiences. During childhood, individuals often lack the ability to understand themselves.

It is also important to protect ourselves. At this stage, we gain insight into ourselves through other forms of feedback.

For example, we can gain insight into our own behavior through feedback from those who have raised us and those who are important to us. If those who have raised us have demonstrated less acceptance and more rejection and disapproval, we may internalize this as a lack of likeability and perceived inadequacy.

If significant others engage in bullying behavior, it is possible that we may also perceive this as a reflection of our own actions, attributing the bullying to our own shortcomings. If we internalize these interpretations and fail to adjust them during our growth process, they can have a detrimental impact on our current circumstances.

The original poster may therefore wish to consider their own upbringing and the potential causes of their inferiority complex. Only by understanding the underlying factors and recognising their own position can they potentially adjust their irrational perceptions and move from a position of inferiority to one of confidence.

3. Adjust unreasonable perceptions

As children, we lacked the capacity to understand ourselves. Now, as adults, we have developed a more mature cognitive framework and a more nuanced perspective on parenting. It is at this stage that we should examine our personal growth journey to identify any irrational beliefs.

For instance, if the individuals responsible for one's upbringing consistently rejected them.

We have also come to recognize that the issue of rejection may not be intrinsic to us, but rather a reflection of the traditional culture that espouses a "critical education" approach, which posits that criticism is a catalyst for growth. In light of this, it may be necessary to re-examine the manner in which we evaluate ourselves from an early age.

Once this realization is made, the issue at hand is no longer one of personal responsibility, but rather a matter of addressing the underlying problem of those who engage in bullying behavior.

At this juncture, it may be necessary to reconsider the assumption that the responsibility for any given situation lies solely with the individual in question. To this end, it would be beneficial to examine one's own growth experiences from an adult perspective and identify any irrational perceptions that may be hindering progress.

4. Re-learn how to care for yourself.

Once unreasonable perceptions have been adjusted, it is essential to learn how to nurture oneself once again. This is the only way to become more powerful and confident. The question then becomes: how do we nurture ourselves again?

It is important to understand that, as adults, we have the capacity to act as our own parents. During our formative years, we each developed an internal representation of the ideal parent.

Consider how an "ideal parent" would interact with you. You may find it helpful to apply this approach to your own self-care.

To re-nurture ourselves is to nourish ourselves and enhance our confidence.

It should be noted that changing oneself cannot be achieved simply by answering questions. It is necessary to continue learning and exploring.

If the original poster is interested, we can provide further information about psychology and how it can help.

I hope you will find these suggestions helpful and inspiring. If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach for a more in-depth discussion.