Repeat the same mistakes, forget the pain of the old scars, and be troubled for a long time. What should I do?

Thank you so much for trusting me to answer your question!

Oh, I'd love to know how old the questioner is! And is he or she a boy or a girl?

The questioner used a large section of text to describe their distress, helplessness, and feeling of being at a loss. It seems that there is nothing in reality that makes you completely happy. What was originally happy has caused you to be unhappy for some reason, and unintentionally you have linked the unhappy events with the happy ones. The good news is that you can change this! You can choose to let go of the unhappy events and focus on the happy ones. When you do this, the happy events will come back to you, and you will feel a sense of retreat.

When you retreat, it can be hard to let go of happy events. But you can do it! This creates a bit of a tug-of-war, which leads to internal conflict.

Oh, has the questioner had a happy and joyful experience? If so, how did that experience end?

Perhaps you are so consumed by internal conflict that you are afraid to let yourself live a carefree, comfortable, happy life. But guess what? You can! Living a comfortable, happy life may bring you feelings that are even more difficult to bear than this internal conflict. In that case, it is better to let yourself be consumed by internal conflict as you are now.

Just stop for a moment and think. What would your life be like without these internal conflicts? Think about it. You can do what you want without any hindrance!

Since this problem has been bothering you for a long time and has repeated many times, it's time to treat it properly! If you need help, seek it!

I am so excited to help you! I really think my reply will be just what you need. Best wishes!

Hello.

Host:

From your description, it's clear you're caught in a conflict between wanting to express yourself and being unable to do so.

When you can't do it, you blame yourself. You may even blame yourself again, wondering why you can't do it and why you are so useless.

For you, it may be a cycle within your heart. You want to express yourself, but you can't. You blame yourself, but you know you can do it. You want to express yourself again.

The poster is also a warrior. They faced themselves head-on and sought help on a psychological platform. This is not easy, and not everyone can do it, but they did it.

You are your own warrior, breaking through yourself. Seeking help will help you gain a more perspective on yourself, understand yourself, and think and adjust more about yourself.

Next, I will share my observations and thoughts in the post, and I am confident that they will provide you with inspiration.

1. Tell me, what do you feel when someone rejects you?

In the post, the original poster said you're not good at rejecting girls and are afraid they'll hate you.

I'd like to discuss a question with you, the original poster. If you send a link request to someone and they reject you, how do you feel?

I'm inviting the host to review these experiences and see how you feel.

People tend to think and view problems from their own perspective. For example, some people are not good at refusing because they get hurt when others refuse them.

She is afraid of rejecting others because she believes that if she does, others will feel as painfully rejected as she does when she is rejected.

2. Rejection is not hatred.

You seem to have a pattern in your mind: if you reject someone, they will hate you. I'd like to know where this pattern comes from.

Refusal is hatred. The host and I will work together to understand why you equate refusal with hatred.

Refusing does not mean disliking.

For example, I believe that refusing to do something is telling her my preferences and my boundaries, so that they can get to know me better. So that they know how to get along with me better.

Therefore, if you look at it from this perspective, it is clear that rejection can even be beneficial to the development of a relationship. So the question must be asked: is it really true that rejection = dislike?

3. Identify the reasons behind your fear of being hated by others.

You said you're not good at rejecting girls because you're afraid she'll hate you. So, if she hates you, what will your feelings be?

Tell me, what does it mean to you if you are disliked by someone who is better for you?

Every emotion we feel is driven by our inner expectations and needs. I invite the poster to explore what lies behind their fear of being hated.

The host will undoubtedly gain a clearer understanding and insight into themselves by understanding these things.

Some people are afraid of being hated by others. They believe that if others hate them, they will no longer be liked or recognized. If this happens, they may lose the relationship.

Tell me, what do you hate about being behind?

The original poster needs to think about these questions. I can't give them more information, but I can guide them to think about them.

4. Examine your tendency to procrastinate and your affinity for solitude.

The host also mentioned his tendency to procrastinate. He procrastinates when he has to do things he doesn't like.

From a psychological perspective, this procrastination is another voice inside you resisting you and expressing dissatisfaction.

However, another voice within you may be the part of you that loves nature. He is telling you that it would be great to get close to nature at this time!

You also have a voice inside you that wants to cultivate your hobbies, enrich yourself, and cultivate your interests.

These two voices are arguing within you, and as the host, you are like the boss of the two of them. You decide which voice you listen to.

I want to discuss with you what your original intention is when faced with such internal conflicts. What kind of life do you want?

What is the state you want the most? You have to understand that you can't want everything.

You can't have everything.

We must learn to choose what's most important to us and face loss when we can't have everything.

You also mentioned that you like to be alone and like to read. These are excellent hobbies.

I'd also like to know how you feel when you're alone. How do you feel when you're alone compared to when you're with people?

These questions will help you bring order to your chaotic thoughts.

5. It's all my problem.

In your post, you stated that when you are in a bad mood, you are quickly consumed by negative thoughts and feel that the problem is entirely your own. It seems that you believe that when faced with a problem,

You blame yourself for everything.

You think it's because you're in a bad mood that you argue with people. But you're wrong. You can argue when you're in a bad mood.

Who says people must be emotionally stable?

You need to ask yourself why, whenever a problem arises, you blame yourself for its cause. This is what I want to discuss with you.

I want to know what kind of perception makes you so.

You should know that there are also many people who, when they face a problem, will blame someone else. So why are you different from other people?

Naturally, examining why others ascribe causes to others does not imply that the host's attribution to yourself is inherently negative. After all, no one is inherently good.

This kind of exploration will undoubtedly provide the host with a wealth of new perspectives on you.

I am confident that these ideas will inspire you.

You know that feeling like a ship lost in the fog, bound by past experiences, spinning endlessly in the social whirlpool, repeating the cycle of "repetition of past mistakes and forgetting the pain of the past"? Well, today, we're going to break out of that cycle, look at things from a new perspective, and find your own way out.

Let's start with a fresh look at your fear of socializing. This fear stems from your past experiences of being excluded, which have made you doubt yourself, fear rejection, and fear isolation.

But have you ever considered that this fear is actually a deep-seated desire for self-worth? You long to be recognized and accepted, and there is nothing wrong with this desire itself. But you need to ask yourself: do you place your self-worth entirely in the recognition of others?

Your value does not depend on the opinions of others. It is determined by you. You are a unique individual with your own unique talents, interests, and values.

Your value is not in being accepted and liked by everyone. It is in holding onto your beliefs and living your life to the fullest.

You need to find your own sense of worth. Do this by gaining insight into your inner needs, desires, and dreams through self-reflection, keeping a diary, or talking to a trusted friend.

Paying attention to your inner world is the key to realizing that you don't need the approval of others to prove your worth. You will become more confident, determined, and brave in the face of life's challenges.

Next, I'm going to tell you how to get out of the "repeat the same mistakes" dilemma. First, you need to realize that past experiences do not determine your future.

You are not doomed to repeat the same mistakes. You can learn lessons from past experiences and draw on them, but don't let them become stumbling blocks in your path.

Second, you must learn to reject people and situations that do not bring you positive energy and opportunities for growth. This does not mean that you have to completely sever ties with others. It does mean, however, that you need to learn to be independent and selective in your social interactions.

You have the power to choose your friends and environments wisely. Surround yourself with people and places that inspire you and help you grow. If they don't bring you positive energy, move on.

I also advise you to make time for solitude. Being alone is not the same as being lonely or bored. It is an opportunity to engage in self-reflection and personal growth.

Use your alone time to focus on your hobbies, read a book, exercise, or think about life. These activities enrich you and help you understand your inner needs and values better.

Finally, I'm going to give you some specific advice to help you get out of the "repetition" dilemma.

Set clear goals and plans. Set yourself some short-term and long-term goals and make a detailed plan to achieve them. This will help you stay clear about your direction and motivation, and avoid getting lost in socializing.

Express your needs and feelings. Don't be afraid to do so, especially to those who are important to you. When you can clearly express your thoughts and feelings, others can better understand and respect you.

You must develop a positive mindset and emotions. Maintaining a positive and optimistic mindset is crucial to getting out of a difficult situation. When you encounter difficulties, you must look at the problem from a positive perspective and find a solution.

You must also learn to regulate your emotions to avoid negative emotions affecting your judgment and decision-making.

Seek support and help. Don't be afraid to ask for it. Talk to trusted friends, family members, or professionals about your confusion and struggles. They can help.

Give yourself time and space. Change takes time and space. Don't rush or demand that you get out of a difficult situation immediately.

Give yourself time and space to adapt to your new environment and way of life. You will overcome any difficulties.

Look at your life and social life from a new perspective. Don't be afraid of rejection and solitude. Believe in your own value and abilities.

Set clear goals and plans, express your needs and feelings, cultivate a positive mindset and emotions, seek support and help, and give yourself time and space. You will break free from the trap of "repetition" and move towards a better future.

Dear question asker, Thank you for your question.

In this complex world, each of us experiences our own life trajectory and feels our own emotions. Sometimes we find ourselves in challenging situations, where it can feel as if we are trapped in an inescapable maze.

I empathize with the challenges you're currently facing and hope that through this answer, I can offer some insight and guidance.

You mentioned that you find it challenging to say no to girls, especially those who are nice to you. This can lead to feelings of fear about being disliked and experiencing rejection again.

I appreciate your concerns and fears, as I believe they are shared by many in human relationships. I do not think that saying no necessarily means that you will be disliked.

I believe that authentic self-expression and clear boundaries are the cornerstones of healthy relationships. When you learn to express your feelings and needs honestly, you may find that true friends will respect your choices, rather than resent you for them.

I wonder if I might suggest that you consider the following.

I can relate to the challenges you've outlined regarding the demands of classes and time management. In today's fast-paced world, we often find ourselves pulled in different directions, making it challenging to carve out time for the things we truly enjoy.

However, it is important to remember that time is our most precious resource and we should try to make the most of it. When you realise the importance of time, you might like to consider rearranging your schedule so that you have enough time every day to do the things you want to do.

Perhaps you will find that attending classes is no longer a burden, but rather a fulfilling and enjoyable experience.

In interpersonal relationships, you mentioned that you are prone to internal conflict and are afraid to express yourself. Many people have actually experienced similar distress.

In a crowd, we often feel concerned that our words and actions might not be well-received by others. However, everyone has the right and the opportunity to express themselves.

When you take that brave step and dare to express your opinions and thoughts in the crowd, you may find that not many people are concerned with how you perform. On the contrary, they may appreciate your courage and authenticity.

If I might make a suggestion, I think you'll find it helpful to consider that...

You mentioned that you are not always happy when you are with friends, and this may be because you have different interests or values. In this world, everyone is a unique individual, and it can be challenging to find someone who fits us perfectly.

It is still possible to form deep friendships with others. While it is important to find friends who share your interests, it is also valuable to learn to appreciate and accept people with different views and personalities.

This could help to make your social circle more diverse, and you might also gain new experiences and knowledge.

From what you've shared, it seems like you're going through some tough times. It's natural to feel helpless, anxious, and confused in such situations. But I want you to know that these feelings won't last forever, and they don't define who you are.

You are a wise and courageous person, and I am confident that you will be able to find a solution to your problems and escape the maze of your mind.

If I might suggest, it would be beneficial to seek help and support during this process. There are many ways to do so, including confiding in friends, seeking advice from professionals, or enriching your inner world through reading and learning. These are all effective ways to help you get out of a difficult situation.

If you ever feel helpless and lost, you might consider taking that brave step and seeking the help and support you need.

If I might be so bold, I would like to reassure you that you are not alone. In this world, there will always be someone who is willing to listen to you, understand your feelings, and accompany you through this difficult journey.

I encourage you to believe in your own strength and value and to face challenges and difficulties in life with courage. When you learn to embrace all of yourself, you may discover that the world is actually full of love and warmth.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to try to keep in mind that things will get better.

May you find the courage to be yourself, to pursue your dreams, and to enjoy the beauty of life in the days to come. No matter what difficulties and challenges you encounter, may you maintain a firm belief and an optimistic mindset, and may you believe that everything will get better!

I would like to extend my best wishes to you all, and I love you.

Dear friend,

From what I can gather from reading your doubts, it seems as if you are being pulled in different directions by invisible threads. These threads come from all directions, pulling you one moment east and the next moment west. You are pulled in different directions, and you feel helpless. You are always confused and, time and time again, trapped in situations that you don't want. You are confused and tired.

It is important to consider the voice of others and your own voice.

I believe it was said by someone, but I don't recall who, that there is only room for one soul in a person's body. As I understand it, there is only room for our own voice in our hearts.

It is important to recognize that there are often many voices inside us, including the voices of our parents, teachers, authorities, and the so-called "right and should" voices.

And there is often a voice within us that we may not fully acknowledge.

You mentioned that you often consider the opinions of others, but perhaps not your own. This could potentially lead to situations where you may unintentionally follow the opinions of others in your decision-making.

If you become accustomed to living in this way, you may find yourself feeling somewhat confused. You may feel as though you are doing things you want to do and that they seem right, but you may not be able to enjoy them.

Such a situation can be painful and divisive.

It's possible that you may be overlooking the genuine voice of your heart and leading a life that is perceived as right by others, but not necessarily aligned with your true inner self.

When you find the inner voice and want to follow it, to enjoy what you like, you may find that you are easily distracted by other voices and are unsure how to enjoy yourself. It may be helpful to consider whether you value your preferences enough to put your own voice first, by ruling out all other factors. This could help you to find that your preferences are always disrupted by other plans and interfered with by other factors.

It may be challenging to identify ways to advocate for yourself in this situation. It's understandable that you're accustomed to considering other perspectives and may not have developed the same level of assertiveness in expressing your own preferences.

It seems that there may be some repressed emotional feelings.

It is not uncommon for people to prioritize the opinions of others over their own, which can lead to feelings of suppression. For instance, when experiencing anger, it can be challenging to express it authentically, leading to the belief that one might be at fault or that others have a more valid perspective. Similarly, when feeling discomfort, it can be difficult to leave a situation because there is a tendency to doubt one's emotions and feel that one's feelings might not be as important as they seem.

If this persists over time, it can lead to a buildup of negative emotions like anger, resentment, and unhappiness. This can manifest in various ways in your daily life, making it challenging to express your feelings. It's as if you're carrying a hidden burden of frustration, often triggered by seemingly minor situations. It's important to recognize that repressing anger can intensify its impact, leading to a cycle of frustration and unresolved emotions.

It would be beneficial to consider ways of integrating during conflict.

You say that you always forget the pain of a past injury, just like you don't like attending lectures. You feel that you should force yourself to sit through them, but it seems as though you're in jail, not allowed to leave. You don't get along with your friends, but you're unsure how to resolve the situation. It seems as though the things you don't allow yourself to do never work out.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to allow yourself to leave the classroom more often, so you can fully enjoy your favorite class. Similarly, it might be helpful to reconsider your approach to social situations, as feeling like you have to go to unpleasant parties can lead to internal conflict.

I believe there is a sense of competing with oneself. I have high expectations of myself, and I want to like the interest class I chose. I also want to make better choices about how I spend my time.

It is often the case that when we place demands on ourselves, the result is not what we expect. Our nature is rebellious, and we often find ourselves in conflict with authority, including our own authority over ourselves.

I apologize for going on at length, but your description prompted me to think of some possible clues. It seems to me that you may currently be experiencing a period of internal conflict, with a multitude of voices vying for attention, some belonging to others and some to you.

It is also possible that this is a more challenging stage, but it is nevertheless a stage of development. In this somewhat chaotic stage, it may be helpful to take your time and gradually distinguish between the various internal voices, integrating them in a way that allows you to forge your own path.

It is important to remember that you should not go against your heart, nor should you be afraid of cooperating and interacting with the outside world.

It is important to remember not to be too hard on yourself. You have likely experienced a great deal of hard work and exploration, and gained a great deal of experience, to get to this stage. At some point in life, things may feel conflicting and confusing, but this is a stage everyone must go through.

I believe that with your accumulated experience and innate vitality, you will be able to explore your own path amidst the twists and turns that life inevitably throws our way.

I hope this is helpful. I'm listening coach Xu Yanlian, so please don't hesitate to reach out if you'd like to chat further.

I wish you the best.

Good day, question asker. My name is June Lai Feng.

Your experience evinces several key psychological states and challenges.

First, you indicated that you are not adept at rejecting romantic interests. Your difficulty in rejecting romantic interests may be rooted in past experiences of social exclusion, leading you to anticipate that rejection will evoke another round of animosity and negative responses from others. This reflects an excessive concern for interpersonal relationships and a fear of negative evaluations. This has led you to adopt a strategy of avoiding conflict in social interactions, even if it means sacrificing your own needs and desires.

Secondly, your reservations regarding your self-worth and your reliance on external sources indicate a potential vulnerability. You may be inclined to assess your own worth based on the approval of others, rather than on your own internal standards.

This pattern may result in the neglect of one's genuine feelings and necessities when making decisions, which can culminate in internal conflict and discontent.

Thirdly, with regard to your attitude towards the course, it is evident that you are experiencing a conflict between your personal interests and external expectations. You are conscious of the value of time, yet simultaneously you are drawn to social activities, despite being aware that these activities do not genuinely fulfil your spiritual needs.

This conflict may result in feelings of frustration and powerlessness, particularly when confronted with conflict and stress.

Furthermore, you indicated that you experience internal conflict and a fear of expressing your feelings in groups. This can be conceptualized as a conflict between group dependence and self-contradiction. The conflict between the desire to pursue solitude and more meaningful pursuits and the fear of missing out on the enjoyment and potential "precious things" within the group reflects the struggle between group identity and self-needs.

Additionally, the inability to express oneself in groups and the tendency to engage in internal conflict reflect an excessive concern about the opinions of others and a sense of self-worth that is contingent upon the approval of others. This may be attributed to an excessive focus on the opinions of others and a fear of social failure.

Such apprehension may impede the expression of one's self and render it challenging to assert one's positions and values.

Finally, emotions are related to expression. Being scolded and subsequent conflicts obviously affect one's emotions, which in turn interfere with one's state and perception of the class. This is the transfer effect of emotions. One can express oneself when in a good mood, but when in a bad mood, one is prone to internal conflict and attributes it to oneself, which demonstrates that one's emotional state has a significant impact on one's self-perception and behavior.

In order to address the aforementioned issues, it is recommended that you endeavor to gain a more profound understanding of your needs and feelings, cultivate a more resilient sense of self-worth, and gradually learn to express your thoughts and emotions in a reasonable manner, as opposed to excessively repressing them or relying on the evaluation of others.

Firstly, it is important to embrace self-acceptance. This entails acknowledging one's imperfections and the impact of past experiences. It is essential to recognise that everyone faces their own unique challenges and limitations, which are an inherent aspect of the maturation process.

Secondly, it is essential to identify one's own values, interests, and needs, as well as to establish clear boundaries and limits in interpersonal interactions. This will facilitate the expression of oneself in a more confident manner and enable the refusal of requests that are incongruent with one's values.

It is important to recognize that everyone has the right to decline requests from others without concern for the potential consequences. It is normal to experience doubts about oneself.

Nevertheless, it is also imperative to cultivate an independent sense of self-worth and competence, while refraining from placing undue reliance on external validation. When expressing one's refusal, it is crucial to do so in a manner that is positive, clear, and respectful.

This may entail articulating the rationale behind one's decision, proffering alternative solutions, or demonstrating comprehension and empathy.

Once more, the topic of emotional management is pertinent. The subject was subjected to a verbal altercation prior to the commencement of the academic session, which had a detrimental impact on their emotional state and rendered it challenging to concentrate on the curriculum. The acquisition of emotional management techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, and positive thinking, can prove beneficial in mitigating adverse emotional responses.

In instances of irritability or impatience, it is advisable to temporarily disengage from the immediate situation and engage in relaxing activities, such as a walk or listening to music, to alleviate negative emotions.

Additionally, you enjoy singing with friends, yet occasionally experience feelings of depletion and apprehension regarding self-expression. It is essential to dedicate time to discerning your genuine interests and necessities, as well as learning to harmonize your personal and social pursuits.

It is important to develop and maintain one's own identity in interpersonal relationships. This entails avoiding excessive self-sacrifice and demonstrating respect for the opinions and feelings of others. If one feels overwhelmed or drained by social interactions, it may be beneficial to spend time alone, engaging in activities that facilitate personal reflection and growth, such as reading or running.

Additionally, it is advisable to consider alternative avenues for learning. In the event that one does not feel at ease with the conventional classroom-based approach to learning, it would be beneficial to explore other avenues, such as online courses, self-study, or practical projects. This will assist in the acquisition of knowledge and skills in a manner that is more aligned with one's interests and needs.

Ultimately, one realizes that one is better suited to solitude and the pursuit of higher goals, yet one is reluctant to abandon one's social circle. This is a process of growth, and one must identify a balance that allows one to meet one's needs while maintaining positive relationships.

It is important to develop the ability to express one's thoughts and feelings, and to overcome any fear of conflict. Many problems can be solved through healthy communication and exchanges, which can also enhance one's self-confidence and abilities.

It is of the utmost importance to be patient and forgiving with oneself. Change is a process that requires time and effort; therefore, it is unreasonable to expect immediate results.

It is important to recognise that everyone is constantly learning and growing. It is therefore essential to be compassionate with oneself while actively seeking ways to improve oneself.

I extend my love and appreciation to the world and to you. It is my sincere hope that my narrative will prove beneficial to you.

I am Li Di☀, the respondent, and I am grateful for this encounter.

It is evident that you are experiencing a multitude of conflicts, which are causing you distress. It is important to provide yourself with a sense of comfort and understanding. It is challenging to articulate your emotions, particularly when you feel negative about yourself. This lack of expression can further exacerbate your feelings of inadequacy. It is crucial to recognize that you are the primary agent in this situation. You appear to enjoy solitude but also crave social interaction. You may identify with the characteristics of highly sensitive individuals. A recommended resource is the book "High Sensitivity is a Gift." In light of these recurring experiences, it is essential to determine the most effective course of action.

Let us examine the underlying psychological mechanisms that underpin your feelings and needs in order to facilitate a deeper understanding and acceptance of yourself.

The fear of rejection, and the resulting anxiety and worry, likely originates from early experiences and deeply entrenched beliefs about relationships. This fear can cause an individual to be excessively concerned about the reactions of others when faced with similar situations, leading to the neglect of their own needs and feelings.

It is a common phenomenon that many people learn to prioritize the needs of others over their own in order to avoid potential rejection or conflict. However, this approach can have detrimental effects on one's mental health and sense of self-worth over time.

It is crucial to recognize that learning to decline requests appropriately and establishing clear boundaries is a fundamental aspect of developing healthy relationships.

The evening classes are a source of distress, potentially due to their incompatibility with one's intrinsic needs. There is a simultaneous desire for autonomy and proximity to nature, coupled with the aspiration to enhance one's personal growth.

However, when these activities become a source of stress rather than enjoyment, it is time to reassess their meaning and value. It is necessary to stop and ask oneself whether these activities truly align with one's inner values.

It would be beneficial to consider alternative methods for achieving these goals.

The ambivalence you describe in your interactions with others reflects a deep internal conflict. On the one hand, you appear to desire connection with others, yet on the other, you seem to be afraid of losing yourself.

This illustrates the necessity of achieving a balance between preserving one's individuality and developing meaningful relationships with others. This process requires time and practice to fully comprehend and cultivate, yet it is essential to recognize that authentic connection arises from genuine interactions and mutual understanding, rather than from the sacrifice of one's individuality for the sake of temporary belonging.

It is crucial to demonstrate fortitude and take action (e.g., contacting the authorities) in managing conflicts and emotions, as this is how individuals assume responsibility for their own safety. However, an emotional outburst also signifies that the internal pressure has reached a critical point.

The ability to recognize and express one's emotions in such instances, as well as the acquisition of effective coping strategies, is of paramount importance for the maintenance of mental health.

In essence, your ambivalent attitude towards socializing reflects a fundamental need: the desire to be alone, yet the fear of loneliness; the aspiration to share happiness with others, yet the apprehension of losing oneself. This internal conflict may originate from a complex perception of social interaction and uncertainty about one's self-worth.

In such circumstances, it is crucial to achieve a balance between fulfilling one's social requirements and maintaining one's personal autonomy.

It is hoped that the following suggestions will prove helpful in dealing with the current situation.

It is recommended that you practice saying "no." This can be done by starting to refuse in a gentle but firm manner. An example of this would be, "I'm not available right now, but we can talk later."

It is imperative to ensure adequate rest. Allocating a designated period each day for leisure and relaxation, even if it is only half an hour, is crucial for maintaining optimal well-being.

Self-talk is defined as the act of verbalizing affirmations to oneself in order to facilitate problem-solving and emotional regulation. When faced with a challenge, self-talk involves repeating a positive statement to oneself, such as "I can handle this."

Time management: It is advisable to create a plan at the beginning of each week and to prioritize tasks according to their importance.

In terms of social options, it is advisable to participate in activities that are conducive to positive affect, and to avoid feeling obliged to attend every social gathering.

It is recommended that you record your feelings in writing. This can assist in the organization of your thoughts.

It is important to develop the ability to disengage from situations that cause distress. If an individual is experiencing negative emotions, it is beneficial to allow oneself to disengage from the source of distress.

It is recommended that one should endeavor to engage in novel activities. One may, for instance, consider joining a new hobby group, which may facilitate the formation of connections with individuals who share similar interests.

Mindfulness practice: Allocate a few minutes each day to engage in deep breathing exercises and focus on the present moment.

Self-Affirmation: It is beneficial to engage in daily self-affirmation practices, such as verbalizing positive affirmations such as "I am valuable."

It is recommended that you seek support by discussing your feelings with a trusted friend.

In sum, the inner world is replete with a plethora of emotions and needs. The individual is seeking understanding and acceptance, while also striving to find a means of harmoniously navigating these complex feelings.

It is a commendable process because it signifies a constant exploration and growth. It is essential to recognize that each individual's journey is distinct, and it requires patience and courage to identify the optimal path.

It is my sincere hope that this response is of some assistance to you. With best wishes for a happy and prosperous future, The World and I

The distress you are experiencing is indicative of a multitude of intricate emotional and behavioral patterns, including an inability to decline requests, a tendency to procrastinate, challenges in emotional regulation, and the influence of social pressures. To address the situations you have outlined, we have provided specific recommendations that we hope will assist you in managing these difficulties more effectively.

It is important to learn to say no and to set boundaries.

The reluctance to decline offers, particularly from those who are kind, may be due to an underlying fear of being excluded or resented. Learning to assert one's needs and boundaries through the skill of refusal is an essential aspect of personal development.

- It is essential to clarify one's needs. This entails identifying the circumstances under which one must decline a request. It is of paramount importance to have a clear understanding of one's needs and to be resolute in one's decision.

- **Speak gently but firmly**: It is possible to express a refusal in a gentle but firm manner. For example, "Thank you for your kind offer, but I really need some time alone."

### 2. **Managing Procrastination and Time Planning**

The issue of procrastination can be addressed through the implementation of effective time management and planning strategies.

Prioritization of tasks should be conducted on a daily basis, with a brief period of reflection spent on the following day's tasks. It is essential to ensure that the most crucial tasks are completed when one is most energized.

- Time block allocation: It is recommended to divide one's time into blocks, each focusing on a specific task. For example, the morning could be dedicated to studying, the afternoon to activities such as fishing or sports, and the evening to classes.

### 3. **Emotional management and release** It is important to develop effective strategies for managing and releasing emotions. This can be achieved by identifying the emotions that are causing distress and understanding their underlying causes. Once these emotions have been identified, it is possible to develop techniques for managing them effectively. This may involve engaging in relaxation techniques, expressing the emotions in a constructive manner, or seeking professional support.

You have identified emotion management as a significant challenge, particularly in the context of stressful and conflictual situations.

- Emotional recognition: It is important to learn to recognize and acknowledge one's emotions, as well as to identify when one is feeling angry, anxious, or depressed.

- Emotional regulation techniques: These include deep breathing, meditation, journaling, and others. They are used to regulate and express emotions and to avoid emotional build-up.

### 4. The equilibrium between solitude and socialization

You indicated that you experience a sense of ambivalence regarding your preference for solitude or social interaction. You expressed a desire to pursue your interests while simultaneously apprehending the potential consequences of missing out on social opportunities.

It is recommended that individuals make time for solitude. This can be achieved by scheduling regular periods of time alone to engage in activities that are personally fulfilling, such as reading, running, or fishing. This practice can assist in restoring energy levels.

It is advisable to avoid the compulsion to participate in all social activities. Instead, it is more beneficial to select those that align with one's genuine interests and elicit positive emotions.

### 5. Dealing with Social Stress In social situations, particularly when one feels misunderstood or criticized, one may experience a sense of emotional depletion.

In social situations, particularly when one feels misunderstood or criticized, a sense of depletion may be experienced.

- Express yourself with confidence: It is important to learn to express your opinions and feelings with assurance and without fear of judgment. If you admire an idol or an activity, it is beneficial to communicate this in a forthright manner.

- Self-Affirmation: It is recommended that individuals engage in regular self-affirmation, wherein they acknowledge their inherent value and the equal importance of their interests and opinions.

It is recommended that those experiencing difficulties seek the assistance of a qualified professional.

Should these issues persist, it may be beneficial to seek the guidance of a professional counselor. Such a professional can assist in gaining a more profound comprehension of the underlying problems and in devising effective solutions.

The following specific steps should be followed:

1. It is recommended that a clear schedule be made, with the intention of ensuring that the most important tasks are completed when the individual is most energetic.

2. Practice refusal skills on a daily basis. Attempt to decline requests in a polite yet assertive manner, particularly in regard to minor matters.

3. It is recommended that you engage in the practice of regulating your emotions on a regular basis. This can be achieved through the implementation of a daily routine comprising 15 minutes of deep breathing or meditation, coupled with the maintenance of a journal to document your emotional state and thoughts throughout the day.

4. Schedule time for solitude at least twice a week to engage in activities that align with your interests.

5. Selective Participation in Social Activities: It is recommended to choose social activities that align with one's genuine interests and that elicit positive emotions. Additionally, it is advised to avoid over-socializing, which can lead to internal depletion.

In conclusion, the aforementioned strategies can be employed to achieve a state of self-affirmation, which is essential for maintaining a positive sense of self-worth and fostering resilience in the face of adversity. Additionally, seeking professional assistance can be beneficial in addressing persistent challenges that may require a more comprehensive approach.

The issues you are confronting are complex and necessitate a comprehensive approach to their resolution. By developing the ability to decline requests, effectively managing your time, regulating your emotions, balancing solitude and social interaction, and seeking professional assistance, you can gradually enhance your current circumstances.

Should further inquiries or assistance be required, kindly do not hesitate to contact me.

Hello, questioner. I can relate to your inner struggle and anxiety.

The cycle of "forgetting the pain as soon as the wound heals" can feel like an inescapable spell, leaving you confused and powerless. Please know that you are not alone, and that we are all searching for our own direction on the path of life.

I would like to begin by saying that your kindness and friendliness are very precious qualities. However, I feel it is important to remember that you should not let them become a burden. It is not necessary to compromise yourself in order to cater to other people's expectations.

Everyone has the right to choose their own way of life and how they interact with others. Learning to say "no" with confidence can help you become more determined and resilient.

Regarding the issue you raised about taking evening classes, I empathize with your situation. It can be challenging to determine when it's too hot during the day and there are so many activities you wish to engage in at night.

It might be helpful to remember that life is an art of balance. You could try to reasonably allocate your time between study and entertainment, and see if you can find a balance that satisfies your learning needs while also allowing you to enjoy life.

For instance, you might consider setting aside a fixed period of time to focus on learning, while allowing yourself to enjoy your favorite activities to the fullest during other times.

I would also like to suggest that getting along with people is not simply about pandering or rejection. I believe that true relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding.

When you encounter contradictions and conflicts, it's important to remember not to be too self-blaming or self-defeating. Instead, try to approach them with a calm mind. You can try communicating with others openly and sincerely, sharing your feelings and confusion, and listening to their opinions and suggestions.

It might be helpful to communicate with each other in order to find a solution together.

In terms of emotional management, you might find it helpful to try some specific emotional regulation techniques. For example, when you feel irritable or restless, you could try deep breathing or relaxation exercises to relax your body and mind.

In the meantime, you might like to consider shifting your attention to other things, such as watching a favorite movie, listening to some relaxing music, or doing some simple exercises. These activities can help you temporarily forget your worries and calm your emotions.

Additionally, I would like to suggest that you consider establishing your own support system. You may find it helpful to seek out like-minded friends or join interest groups where you can share your life and feelings with others.

They may be able to provide you with new perspectives and suggestions to help you better understand yourself and solve problems. At the same time, you may wish to consider seeking professional psychological counseling or treatment, so that professional counselors can help you find more effective methods of emotional regulation and coping strategies.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to remember that change takes time and courage. But if you are willing to work hard and believe that you can get out of a difficult situation, you will definitely be able to find your own happiness and joy.

Please remember that you are not alone. We are all here to support and encourage you. May your life journey be full of excitement because of your continuous efforts and trials.

I encourage you to try your best.

Hello, I am Coach Xintan. Life is a beautiful journey, and it's time to embrace it fully.

Thank you for inviting me. I have listened to your emotional story and I understand your internal conflict. You are speculating and imagining, doubting and denying yourself. This is affecting your relationships, studies, and life. You are insecure because you have been excluded. You want to change, but you lack the confidence and courage. Let's share and discuss together.

People have internal conflicts for a reason.

From your daily life, it's clear that you experience internal conflict constantly. Going to night classes is a burden, but you signed up for them on your own initiative. You like some things, but you can't stick with them. You don't like this girl, but you don't know how to say no. You want to leave, but you can't.

Let me be clear: the so-called "internal friction" refers to the conflict between "what I should do" and "what I actually do." It's like having two little people in your brain, fighting all the time without any regard for day or night.

If you're consumed by internal conflict, you won't have the energy to work on other important things.

Some people have internal conflicts, while others don't. This raises an important question: why is this the case?

Let's look at an example with a mobile phone. You spent 5,000 yuan on an official website to buy a mobile phone, and a friend criticized and questioned whether you got a good deal. Of course you wouldn't mind!

You bought it on the official website.

You know the value of this phone, so you won't mind your friend's doubts. You'll simply think he "doesn't know what is good." People have value too. When others criticize, accuse, or deny us, it's easy to listen. We may even develop a complex of inferiority, self-doubt, and self-denial.

The reason is simple: they are unsure of their own value.

Your value does not depend on the evaluation of others. Know your own value and know what kind of person you are. Do you still care about what others say about you? Even if some people temporarily criticize and accuse you, you will humbly accept what is valuable to you and laugh off any intentional or unintentional slander.

Your value does not depend on the evaluation of others. Your self-worth is determined by your own subjective evaluation. When you have confidence in your own evaluation, you don't need to hide insignificant flaws.

Hiding your feelings is a clear sign that you don't know your own value.

2. How do you stop internal conflict?

The best way to stop internal conflict is to cultivate yourself internally. Shift your focus from the outside (material things, the opinions of others) to the inside (constantly improving your self-awareness and thinking skills through learning). Become aware of your own patterns. Identify whether they are patterns of internal conflict or self-cultivation, of confidence or inferiority.

You don't know how to say no. You're afraid to express your true feelings. You can't control your emotions. All of these are patterns: emotional patterns, behavioral patterns, cognitive patterns.

For example, they refuse to express their true feelings: (cognitive pattern) I'll say it and people will reject me – (emotional pattern) fear, worry, shame, low self-esteem – (behavioral pattern) repress their emotions, refuse to refuse, refuse to express their true feelings.

The "cognitive triangle" thus enters a vicious circle: the more they dare not express themselves, the more they become depressed, the more they become afraid, the less they can express themselves, and once they fail to express themselves, they are criticized and rejected by some people, which makes them even less confident and even more afraid to express themselves.

A person's self-confidence is a belief in oneself as a person. While material satisfaction and the affirmation of others can help a person build self-confidence, it is not long-lasting. If these external supports are gone, the person will fall into the quagmire of inferiority and self-doubt. This is an inner void of lack that cannot be filled.

You are confident in yourself as a person, and naturally confident in the future. It has nothing to do with who you are, what you can do, or what you can achieve.

You are confident in yourself as a person, and naturally confident in the future. The fact that you can't sing or dance has no effect on your self-confidence. This is the result of inner strength and a positive self-image.

You need to read the recommended books: "The Power of Self-Growth," "Living the Meaning of Life," and "Lifelong Growth." You deserve a life illuminated by love.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue communicating, follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello. I'm a heart exploration coach. I can help you.

Your mind is full of thoughts that come and go. Maybe you weren't satisfied with how you handled it at first. You felt you could do better and be more perfect next time.

But when you face it again, you may do the same or even worse. This makes you feel self-blame and hopeless.

Everyone has to face their own shortcomings. If we don't learn from our mistakes, we'll keep making them. Each situation is different, so this time might be worse than the last.

You're also very strict with yourself and want to be a knowledgeable and quality guy.

You have high expectations of yourself, but you don't improve your relationships or how you handle things.

You are suffering because you want to achieve a certain state of life but are afraid of losing it and worried about lasting in a relationship.

In this relationship, you've had happy feelings. Will you lose them?

You want to gain but are afraid of losing. This makes you feel very confused.

I will analyze your text and find out what you really think.

We can help you understand yourself better so you can decide what to do next. You can learn this from these words.

You're not good at rejection. Girls who are nice to you think it's a good thing. They'll hate you if you reject them. You'll come to this conclusion in your heart.

You want others to treat you well and be kind to you all the time. This makes you act insecure.

I have to know if you're in high school or college.

You probably have to study for a class after work every day, right?

If you're out of school, you can look for a girlfriend. If you're still in school, you can confirm your relationship without affecting your grades.

Many things we have gone from inexperienced to experienced. Maybe you didn't have a relationship experience, and you feel unsure about how to treat her, deal with her feelings, and deal with your fear for the future.

You're afraid she'll leave you. You want to keep in touch, but you're insecure.

Your past experiences of being excluded, combined with your current situation, are different. You have grown up and have arrived at the adult stage. Your progress and experiences are valuable and will allow you to make constant corrections. We can adjust and improve over the years.

If you have a goal, it's simple. Don't make it more complicated.

You have certain goals, so you're torn. Maybe you don't like the girl, but she's proactive.

You like being treated well, but you also think you might not be as picky as you used to be.

If there's someone you don't like but she doesn't reject you, you're troubled. Be clear about what you like.

We have to be comfortable with what we want.

Focus on what makes you happy and helps you feel good.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. We hope to be perfect and that everything around us is wonderful.

We have to learn these skills.

Do you know what kind of girl you like and who is right for you?

Do you have a plan? Are there any people around who fit it?

How can we meet these people? We can start thinking about this now.

For questions about your relationship, click on my personal homepage.

Then there's the time spent taking evening classes.

Evening classes are meant to make you happy, but they don't.

You don't like fishing in the heat. You procrastinate and wait until evening to go fishing or play badminton, when your classes are.

You want to relax during the day and work hard at night, but you don't complete your plans.

Your procrastination and internal conflict affect the evening. Your plans for the day haven't been realized.

You'll feel like you haven't learned anything despite spending money on a course you didn't complete.

It's a waste of money and you won't be happy. If you keep doing this, you'll feel like you haven't done anything all day.

If you like fishing, can you get up earlier? Or does the evening fishing not have to be as long?

Fishing takes time, but we also need to do things according to our situation. If you have evening classes, you should go to them. It's harder to do daytime plans.

We should start with one or two things, then add more.

You won't blame yourself for not being able to complete your plans because they're too overwhelming.

You think you have a conflict with others because you feel your thoughts are different from the teacher's. The other party may have said something that made you angry.

You're in a low-energy emotional state. If you can't release your emotions, we'll all have negative feelings when we see other people's expressions, actions, and tones. We won't be able to make objective judgments.

Our mood is bad.

In a bad mood, we focus on the little things that make us unhappy.

The main problem is how you view your daily routine and control your standards.

You can interact with your friends and the girl of your dreams when these two things are resolved.

Your good friend will be happy to see you again, even if you haven't talked in a long time. You appreciate each other, so you have a confidant relationship.

There are friends, colleagues, classmates, and strangers.

So relationships are different. We can't expect others to care about us just because we're strangers.

It's hard to ask a colleague for a critical perspective. We must judge and define each matter.

An idea in your heart needs to be combined and placed on the same level. You can now review and look back on the past when defining concepts for yourself and your inner feelings.

Organize your thoughts and key events of the past into text and click on my personal homepage to ask a question. I will help you solve problems.

I'll wait for your reply and wish you well.