Roommates live together in an ambiguous relationship, and now they are being negatively reviewed. What should they do?

Hello, question asker! You ask, "What should I do if my roommate and I are living together in an unclear relationship and now getting bad reviews?"

First of all, I commend you for your awareness of your relationship with your roommate. We live in all kinds of relationships, and relationships do indeed have a great impact on us. Let's take a look at your question together.

You have lived with your roommate for four years. You have unrequited love, have maintained a sexual relationship, and have opened a small business together, so your daily lives are closely intertwined. You shared an apartment for the first two years, and then lived in a house he bought for the next two years, while also borrowing 200,000 yuan from him.

You lack a sense of security, are sensitive and emotional, and dependent. He is self-centered, loves to play, has a poor sense of responsibility, and is evasive. He dislikes being alone and feels that you are only with him for company. There is a conflict every 30 days or so, either a big fight or a cold war. The reasons are related to running the store, your request that he treat you like a lover, and trivial matters in life.

When there were conflicts in the shared living situation, he mentioned moving out, and you suggested moving out a few times after he moved in. Recently, he broke the tacit agreement of spending weekends together, and suddenly made plans with other people alone. You feel that he is deliberately trying to change things, and you feel abandoned, so you are unhappy. You want to move out, and after communicating with him, you temporarily agreed to stay together. However, he expressed that

1. He wants to distance the relationship, but he doesn't want to be so intimate that it becomes estranged.

2. You don't want to argue, so you're going to have physical distance. You're moving out, but you're not sharing the apartment because you think the conditions are not good, and you're moving out after you buy a house.

3. They believe that quarrels are harmful and are willing to give up living together, even though there is happiness in it. I expressed reluctance previously.

I used to believe that both parties would change their hearts to optimize the relationship. Now that he's said that, I need to decide what to do.

First, identify your respective needs in this relationship.

From what you've told me, it's clear there are major differences in what you both want from this relationship. From his perspective, he wants a partner who can run the shop with him and take responsibility for it.

From what you've told me, it's clear you have strong feelings for him and want to take your relationship further. Ideally, you want to move from a partnership to a romantic relationship. You may be somewhat dependent on him emotionally and psychologically. You've been living together for a long time, so he's likely aware of your needs. However, he probably feels you're the one demanding emotional intimacy from him. He'd prefer to maintain the partnership, which is why he's asked you to keep in touch but not become too intimate or close. He probably wants to remain friends, but he's not willing to cross the line and develop a romantic relationship.

From what I understand, you and your partner have a sexual relationship. You're not just business partners; you also have a sexual relationship. However, you haven't established a romantic relationship, which is why you're uncomfortable with this unclear relationship.

This kind of relationship is not what you want, but it may be what the man wants. Your needs in this relationship are different, and the differences are significant. The man may be content with this kind of distant and ambiguous relationship, but you don't want it. You want a more definite relationship.

If you want love, love deeply. If you don't, leave.

Second, you need to decide if you want this ambiguous relationship.

Think about it. Do you want this ambiguous relationship? If the answer is yes, then you can continue to develop the relationship in this way. This is also the kind of relationship the man wants. It can be described as a cohabitation relationship that transcends the relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend, but without the certainty of a romantic relationship.

If the answer is no, you need to decide what you want to do. Do you want to end the ambiguous relationship with the man, or do you want to communicate with him and get a definite answer?

You need to figure out what the real relationship between you two is. Is it just a cohabitation relationship, or will you two develop into a romantic relationship?

You need to know that he's committed to you. Does he see you as his girlfriend? Does he want to marry you? Do you have a future together?

Or is this just a partnership to run a shop together for the time being? You need to think about what you want and ask the man what kind of relationship he wants with you. Then you'll know what to do next.

You need to talk to someone if you don't know what you want.

If you're unsure about your relationship with this boy and how it should develop,

Then you can find someone to talk to. Start from the time you two met and talk about how your relationship has gradually developed to the current situation. In the process of talking, you will make new discoveries and figure out what you want and don't want, and what the other person wants and doesn't want.

Relationships are a dynamic process of change during the interaction between two parties, a duet that the two of you dance together. If you want to talk to someone, you need to find a professional psychologist. They are trained professionals who can listen to your story attentively, remain neutral and non-judgmental, and create a safe, warm and friendly environment for you to speak freely.

They are professionals who can look at the problems you encounter from a professional perspective and give you guidance. It is your choice whether or not to hire a professional counselor.

I wish you the best of luck, and I am confident that my answer will be helpful!

The world and I love you!

Hello there!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe that learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can really feel how you're struggling inside. I can sense your disappointment, discomfort, pain, and helplessness.

I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty of your emotional issues here, but I'd love to share three pieces of advice with you:

First, I suggest you try to understand yourself and accept your situation, my friend.

I promise you, doing this will make your heart feel a little bit lighter. And that will help you think about what to do next!

You said that you have been living with your roommate for four years, that you have been in a one-sided relationship, and that you have always maintained a sexual relationship. Previously, the two of you wanted to change your inner thoughts to improve the relationship, but now he has clearly expressed that he does not want to be so intimate with you, and wants to distance the relationship, but not become estranged. You have opened a business together, your daily lives are closely bound, and there is also financial interaction. Now you are in pain and don't know what to do. I can see how your situation is understandable, because living with someone who you have always had a sexual relationship with, and who you are in a one-sided relationship with, for four years, but who suddenly doesn't want to be intimate anymore, would make anyone feel a little hesitant and overwhelmed. Not to mention that your daily lives are closely bound, so you can first try to understand yourself and comfort yourself by "seeing" that part of yourself that is hesitant and temporarily doesn't know what to do. This will give you extra mental energy to think about other things, otherwise your mind will be filled with all kinds of negative emotions.

I really believe that allowing yourself to understand yourself and accept your current state will make it possible to promote change in the status quo. I know it might sound a little contradictory, but I truly think that's the truth because change is based on allowing for no change.

Secondly, I'd like to suggest that you take a moment to view your own state in a rational way.

Because when you think things through, you can really get to know yourself and the world around you better.

I know it can be tough, but I'm here to help! A rational approach requires you to do the following two things:

It's so important to remember that a good relationship needs to be nurtured by both parties.

You mentioned in your description that he's made it clear he's not interested in being intimate with you. He also made a separate appointment with someone else over the weekend. It seems like he's trying to change and move on from the relationship. It's okay to feel hurt and confused, but it's also important to remember that he might not be ready for a relationship with you right now.

As you mentioned in your description, it seems like you're in a one-sided love affair. This means that even if he's having a sexual relationship with you, it might not be out of love and affection. It's okay to accept this reality.

Second, remember that you have the power to change the status quo because you can change.

When you take the initiative to make changes in your life, you may find that your state of mind and your relationship with others will gradually shift. This can be a great way to figure out what you need to do to feel better.

Third, I really think you should focus on yourself for a while and think about what you can do to feel better.

For example, you can talk to him again. If you are sure that he really doesn't want to be with you as a couple, you can also try to do some self-reflection with him to see if he is willing to give you time to make some changes. If he is still unwilling, you have to accept the reality. You might ask yourself if you are willing to be just friends. If you can't be just friends with him, you can leave him at the right time. Move out, keep your distance, and it is best to separate financially as well. Of course, you also have to slowly mentally prepare for the separation, because love is ultimately a two-way street. After understanding this, you may feel better.

It's also a great idea to have a good chat with your nearest and dearest. They'll be there for you and you can tell them how you really feel. It'll make you feel better, because once you start sharing your feelings, you'll start to feel better. They'll also give you lots of support, understanding and advice, which will help you to know what to do.

When you're torn between two options, it can be helpful to ask yourself what you've gained from being with him for the past four years. Is it worth continuing a relationship without a title? Looking at the situation this way might help you realize that wishful thinking isn't the same as true love and probably won't last. You'll slowly come to terms with reality, stop expecting things from him, and without expectations, there will be no more hurt. You'll feel better and know what to do. You can also imagine what your life will be like after you leave him. This kind of imagination can help you recognize him and reality, and then know what's better to do.

Take a moment to reflect on your four years together. What are your standards for a partner? It's okay if you're not sure. We all evolve and change. It's natural. You deserve to know what you want and deserve. If he's not willing to be truly together with you, it's okay. You don't have to stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy. You can take the time to re-examine your standards for a partner. You'll find what's right for you. Then, you can prepare for the next step into a new relationship. This will make you feel better. And so on. You're doing great!

I know it can be tough, but when you start to take action, the various negative emotions in your heart will naturally slowly dissolve. Believe me, action is sometimes the best medicine!

I really hope my answer helps you! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom and I'll be happy to have a one-on-one conversation with you.

Thanks for answering my question!

The relationship between the questioner and the other person seems unbalanced. The questioner is like a "mother" who always has to take care of the other person's feelings.

The questioner thinks you lack security, are sensitive and emotional, and dependent, while he is self-centered, loves to play, has poor responsibility, is a bit of an avoidant, and dislikes being alone.

Ask yourself: What do you depend on the other person for? What security does the other person give you?

You've given the other person too much security. They have almost no room of their own.

That's why they want to leave you.

The OP must feel aggrieved and puzzled. You treated someone with all the "good" you could muster, and in the end, they left you because of your "excessive efforts." What a heartbreaking and perplexing thing this is!

The questioner is like a child, not knowing what they did wrong. They feel angry and ashamed, but have no one to talk to.

The questioner lacks affirmation and praise. Perhaps that's how you establish your own value.

If your hard work isn't recognized, you're at a loss. You've already taught others how to be kind, so you have nothing left to offer.

"What to do?" Put yourself first!

Feel your heart, know your needs, and if you can, do what makes you happy, as long as you don't hurt anyone.

It's a tough process, but it's worth trying. Just like the 25,000-mile Long March of the Red Army.

I hope my reply was helpful. Best wishes!

Dear Question Asker, My name is Jiang 61.

Firstly, I would like to thank you for placing your trust in us and for being willing to share the details of the conflicts between you and your boyfriend in order to facilitate a resolution. Having read your account, I feel that your situation is unfortunate.

I can see the strong attachment between you and the positive rapport you have. I am concerned about your situation. You have inquired about the next steps to take if he indicates that an undefined relationship is not beneficial for him. Let's examine how to navigate your relationship.

1. Relationship

1. Cohabitation

You stated that you have been cohabiting with your roommate for four years. You have experienced feelings of unrequited love and have maintained a sexual relationship throughout this period. You have also been involved in a business venture together and have a close daily relationship. Initially, you shared an apartment for two years and then lived in a house he purchased for another two years, while borrowing 200,000 yuan from him.

Despite the lack of a formal marriage, you have been cohabiting for four years. Regardless of the nature of the relationship, your continued cohabitation demonstrates his recognition of your partnership and his active role in supporting your living arrangement.

You transitioned from a shared living arrangement to him purchasing a property, you moving in, and you borrowing 200,000 yuan from him. He continued to acknowledge this cohabitation relationship for two years.

2. Relationship

Attachment

You have identified the following characteristics in your partner: a lack of security, sensitivity, dependence, self-centeredness, irresponsibility, loner tendencies, dislike of solitude, and the belief that he is with you for company.

You lack a sense of security, which makes you highly dependent on others. You are easily influenced by the slightest kindness from others and give them your trust. You are sensitive and therefore prone to suspicion, and you lack trust in your boyfriend.

It is evident that your attachment style can be classified as anxious.

You have indicated that your boyfriend is an avoidant person who actually dislikes the feeling of being dependent. You have also stated that he is very self-centered and only cares about his own feelings, rarely paying attention to your feelings. Additionally, he does not enjoy being alone. He prefers to have someone to keep him company. It is important to note that he is not an avoidant person, but rather someone with an attachment style of detachment.

Individuals with an avoidant attachment style tend to prioritize independence and self-sufficiency, and may find it challenging to rely on others or be reliant on them.

The following section outlines the interaction patterns observed in the relationship.

You stated that there is a conflict approximately once every 30 days, which often takes the form of a significant disagreement or a minor dispute. The underlying causes of these disagreements are related to shop management, your expectations of respectful treatment, and minor issues in daily life. When there is a conflict in the shared living situation, he has mentioned the possibility of moving out, and you have proposed moving out on a few occasions.

From your statements, it is evident that there will be frequent conflicts in your relationship, including differences in experience and values, modes of interaction, attachment styles, and views on life. In essence, there will be a fight or cold war once a month.

Should the two parties fail to see eye to eye, the likelihood of a dissolution of the partnership is high. Furthermore, there is a lack of willingness to engage in constructive problem-solving.

3. Differences

The boyfriend's rationale

You stated that your partner recently violated the implicit agreement of spending weekends together by making separate plans with other individuals. You perceived this as a deliberate attempt to alter the dynamic and felt abandoned. This led to your desire to relocate. Following communication, a decision was made to resume cohabitation on a temporary basis. However, your partner expressed

1. He is seeking to disengage from the relationship and clarify the status quo, with the goal of maintaining a cordial, platonic relationship.

2. I am dissatisfied with the frequency of arguments, which negatively impact his self-esteem. The optimal solution would be for us to maintain physical distance, which I am prepared to do by moving out. However, I do not believe it is prudent to consider sharing accommodation, and I anticipate that he will move out after I purchase a house.

3. Despite past positive experiences of cohabitation, you now perceive arguments as detrimental and are therefore open to terminating the relationship. Previously, you had expressed reservations about

It appears that your boyfriend has been experiencing frustration with the nature of your relationship for some time. In order to avoid causing you undue distress, he has proposed a set of conditions for the two of you to continue coexisting.

From the circumstances surrounding the agreement between you and your boyfriend, it can be surmised that he exhibits avoidant attachment behavior. He appears to be more bothered by the conflict and discord in your relationship than he is by the positive feelings you once shared. Consequently, he is attempting to limit the frequency of your interactions and reduce your emotional attachment to him.

The objective is to disengage from the emotional attachment to the individual in question.

I am unclear on the situation.

You previously indicated that you believed the relationship would benefit from both parties making changes to improve it. However, your boyfriend has now suggested a different approach. What is your recommendation in this situation?

You are seeking to enhance the relationship and resolve the discrepancies between you through modifications in both parties. However, your boyfriend's three commitments have led you to conclude that his commitment to the relationship has diminished.

You have expressed a desire to save the relationship and have asked for advice on how to proceed.

2. The reasons that have brought you to the point of considering ending the relationship.

1. Different attachment styles

It is evident that your attachment style is a source of conflict and disagreement for you. You have an anxious attachment style.

Anxious attachment is an emotional state in which the individual is unable to experience love and trust for their partner. Instead, they experience a kind of "emotional hunger," hoping that the other person can save them or make them more "complete."

Anxiety is essentially a fear of not feeling secure in your relationship. This manifests as a concern about being abandoned, which in turn gives rise to feelings of fear, insecurity and a desire to exert control over the relationship. Your demands for treatment that meets your standards put pressure on your partner.

My boyfriend exhibits avoidant attachment behaviors. Individuals with this attachment style tend to avoid close relationships and may withdraw when feeling overwhelmed.

Anxious attachment is a co-existing attachment type in which the individual engages in self-defeating behaviors and inflicts emotional distress on their partner. People with anxious attachment exhibit an intense desire for intimacy but harbor persistent doubts and fears about their partner's level of intimacy.

This ultimately resulted in the boyfriend proposing ground rules.

2. Different values

Some of the conflicts you have experienced appear to be caused by differences in life philosophy, experience, and values. To continue, it is necessary to discuss values and life philosophy in depth.

3. Lack of Effective Communication

From your description, it is evident that the two of you frequently engage in disagreements over inconsequential matters. This indicates that your communication style is not particularly effective. It seems that you are unable to express your thoughts to each other in a clear and concise manner, allowing the other person to fully comprehend your perspective. Additionally, you appear to struggle with active listening and making well-informed decisions based on your understanding of the situation. This can lead to the accumulation of conflicts and, subsequently, damage to the relationship.

Such individuals are prone to separation.

3. Recommendations

1. Modify the attachment relationship.

Individuals with secure attachments

Individuals with secure attachments are emotionally close to others and feel at ease when relying on and being relied on by them.

They are not concerned about being alone or being rejected.

By establishing this type of secure attachment, you can create a relaxed environment for your boyfriend, eliminating any feelings of pressure.

It is important to practice these skills in order to ensure proficiency.

The ability to function independently is a key aspect of personal growth and development.

It is important to learn to be alone and to live your own life, even when your boyfriend is not present. You should not rely on your boyfriend to constantly look after you and be considerate. By insisting on doing things yourself, you will demonstrate to your boyfriend that you are maturing and growing up, and that you can manage yourself. This will help to reduce his nervousness when you are dating.

and respond to requests in a calm and collected manner.

It is essential to establish trust within the relationship.

You are honest and trust your boyfriend in your intimate relationship. Your boyfriend supports your attitude, which provides him with the confidence to rely on you as a strong and reliable partner. This fosters a sense of security within the relationship, leading to greater harmony.

2. Effective Communication

Effective communication is essential for any successful business relationship.

Communication is defined as the exchange of information. It is a process whereby a message is conveyed to a communication partner with the expectation that they will respond in a desired manner. If this occurs, effective communication has been achieved.

Verbal and non-verbal messages comprise communication. The non-verbal element is typically more influential than the verbal aspect. Effective communication is vital for navigating interpersonal relationships and complex social dynamics on campus.

The following are the steps to effective communication:

Effective communication comprises four steps:

The first step is to express feelings, not emotions.

Step 2: Articulate your desired outcome, not your objections. State that you are frustrated, not that you are frustrated about a particular issue.

Step 3: Articulate your requirements, not grievances. Avoid leaving the other party to speculate as to your intentions.

Step 4: Express your desired outcome, not your current situation. Focus on the end result, not the immediate circumstances.

When a conflict arises with your boyfriend, you can use these four steps to express your feelings, thoughts, and demands. By avoiding the tendency to stick to one's own opinion or to present a solo performance, you can establish effective communication, create a positive communication environment, and gradually reach a consensus.

Effective communication is crucial for developing and maintaining healthy relationships, as well as for personal growth.

3. Establish a mutual understanding.

Building a shared understanding is a critical factor in the long-term success of your relationship. Shared understanding encompasses self-worth, alignment, self-growth, and truth acceptance.

The importance of self-worth in a relationship cannot be overstated.

The recognition of self-worth is the most important value sought in an intimate business relationship. It is only when we feel recognized in a business relationship that we feel secure and stable.

Walking in step

The concept of "walking in step" does not imply that two individuals must align perfectly in every aspect. Instead, it signifies that they are progressing in a similar direction and maintaining a harmonious equilibrium within the relationship. If one party places undue demands on the other, it can lead to discomfort and disrupt the relationship's balance.

Self-growth

Attaining equilibrium in the relationship is not the ultimate objective; rather, it is a means to facilitate personal growth within the relationship. This growth is not solely an individual endeavor but also requires the willingness of the other party.

Self-growth necessitates a willingness to draw closer to each other, invest in the relationship, and pursue a brighter future.

It is essential to accept the truth.

In an intimate relationship, it is easy for two people to see each other and the relationship through their own perspective, which can result in the relationship growing from intimacy to alienation. This can occur when one person's true attitude and thoughts are ignored and unseen, which can cause hurt to both parties.

When you can accurately assess the other person's true character, the nature of the relationship between the two of you, and accept the reality of the situation, you will be able to make well-informed decisions and judgments.

If you can effectively manage your emotional state, you will be more likely to achieve happiness. I hope you can seize the opportunities before you and achieve the happiness you desire.

I would like to extend my best wishes to the questioner for a happy outcome.

Hello. I understand how you feel, but I can tell you with certainty that when a working partnership is bound up with a sexual relationship, problems are bound to arise.

First of all, most relationships that are unwilling to enter into marriage will end in a breakup because the cost of breaking up is extremely low. Everyone knows that the attraction between two people will gradually decline over time, and the opposite is rare. What can maintain a relationship is responsibility, children, or even the ties of property.

If there were no ties, I doubt many couples would stay together. Most people are ordinary, and those who stay together are basically perfect couples.

Second, men are more likely to accept sex without love than women. This means that if a woman's appearance is presented online, men are more likely to agree to cohabitation.

It has nothing to do with love. It has everything to do with the availability of X. When there is a better option, a relationship without love as a foundation will fall apart.

Unless there is never a suitable candidate for either of you.

If you've been living together for four years and can't commit, it's time to make a new choice. Talk about where your relationship stands and what you both want.

You need to part ways as soon as possible and part on good terms. The worst thing you can do is expect to maintain the status quo forever. That will inevitably result in someone leaving with bruises all over their body.

The smart person accepts reality and makes choices that benefit themselves. You are not in a marriage, not in love, just a cohabitation relationship.

Cohabitation is neither protected by law nor bound by morality. It is simply a matter of fact that the moment one party indicates that they are leaving, it is the end of the relationship.

If you're struggling to make a decision, it's time to seek help from a professional consultant.

Good morning, I am writing to address a question that was posed by the questioner.

From your description, it can be seen that you are unilaterally in love with him, treating him very well, and even lending him a large sum of money. However, you did not generate any sense of gratitude after lending him the money. On the other hand, he still wants to receive preferential treatment from you. For example, as he said, he wants to distance himself from you, but he does not want to let you go too far. This means that when he needs you, you must be by his side, and when he does not need you, you need to stay away from him. In such a relationship, you are dispensable to him. Faced with the situation where your needs for him are greater than his needs for you, he has the ability to control you.

It is unclear why the questioner is drawn to this individual. Perhaps she is unaware of her own needs in this relationship. It is evident that he does not treat her as an intimate partner. She hopes for a more romantic connection, but they have not yet established a committed relationship. I apologize if my phrasing was inappropriate or caused distress.

How can this issue be resolved?

[1] Identify the reasons for your inability to terminate the relationship and ascertain which needs you have fulfilled in him.

In this situation, it is essential to conduct an honest assessment of our own needs and those of the other person. What are the underlying reasons for our tendency to be subservient and blindly giving?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether we can see the results of the rewards and ascertain our willingness to leave. If we are unable to do so, it would be helpful to identify the reasons for our inability to leave.

You may not have considered this previously, but now is an opportune time to reflect, allocate sufficient time to do so, and identify a solution.

[2] Prior to entering into an intimate relationship, it is essential to establish a foundation of intimacy.

In this situation, we have formed a mutual interest with another individual, and have therefore entered into this intimate relationship. If the concept of an intimate relationship is not recognised, our efforts will not be reciprocated. Regardless of the sacrifices made, the relationship will remain unchanged.

[3] It is important to love yourself and learn to think of yourself as an individual.

The questioner's tendency to give without expecting anything in return may be influenced by their upbringing. By giving without expecting anything in return, they hope that the other person will fall in love with them and treat them like a lover. However, this approach may not lead to a substantive intimate relationship. The superficial roommate relationship is the only thing that has kept you in this state up to now. By exploring your feelings, you may find that you are not even considered the most basic of friends. It is important to learn to love yourself well. Apart from this person, we also have ourselves to love. If you can't learn to love yourself, no one else will love us either.

[4] Any relationship requires mutual commitment.

All relationships require mutual effort. Even if one party makes significant efforts, if the other party does not share the same feelings or concerns, the relationship will be unsuccessful. It can only be said that you have invested too much, and the other party may perceive this as the norm and not express gratitude or respect. Therefore, it is important to love yourself, find a suitable partner, and give appropriately.

It is also important to be mindful of financial transactions in any relationship. It is crucial to exercise caution when handling money matters. In this relationship, it is essential to prioritize your own needs and interests. If you do not receive adequate appreciation for your efforts, it can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction. It is therefore important to recognize your own value and pursue your goals with determination and self-respect. There will always be opportunities and individuals who align with your values and aspirations.

I hope this information is useful to you.

Just pass by!

Just a few words!

I'm so excited to tell you all about this text! It's not about roommates, but about a cohabiting boyfriend.

Not only did they live together and have sex, but they were also a community of economic interests, running a business together and having money transactions. It lasted for four years. It seems that there is nothing wrong with this being considered a marriage—and it's a great example of a modern, flexible relationship!

It's just the questioner, and she's got some great insights to share! It seems that she is not sure whether she is worthy of being deeply loved by that person.

I'm not too sure. But what I do know is that neither of us considers ourselves the other person's girlfriend!

The other party clearly expresses that arguing hurts feelings, which is great because it means they care about you!

1. You want to maintain a comfortable distance while still staying close. It seems like there are a few differences in habits, perceptions, and behavior, so this is a great solution!

It's great that you don't want to get too involved in the other person's inner world, including their ideas and habits. It's also fantastic that they don't want to become estranged!

2. To avoid arguments, it is best to have a physical distance. I'll move out, but I don't think it's a good idea to consider the terms of a shared living arrangement. They expect me to buy a house before moving out. (For you: Do you not want me anymore?)

Then I'll leave!

3. They find joy in living together, but they also recognize that disagreements are part of life and are open to making changes if it means preserving their happiness. Previously, they had expressed reluctance, but now they're ready to take the leap!

This friction is a total rejection for me, and I'm embracing it!

)

The other person is totally happy where they are and has never wanted to leave the relationship either!

It feels incredible after being married for a long time to have the chance to occasionally have a little time to yourself. It's a great way to preserve a small part of your own life!

It's the same amazing feeling!

It's so exciting to meet someone and be able to get along with them for four years! It's not just being roommates. Take a good look at this relationship and test your inner self. See what you think about marriage and love.

Hello, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing now. Let me be clear: you need to get a grip.

You are experiencing some interpersonal problems. Let me give you another warm hug.

Your roommate has now proposed ending the relationship, and you are reluctant to do so. You don't know what to do.

Is that right?

You have developed an excessive attachment to your roommate.

I'd like to know why that is.

This is likely related to your family of origin.

This can be traced back to a relationship you had with your mother when you were a child.

Your mother was unable to respond to your needs in time every time you cried as a baby. She always continued with her own business.

As a result, you sought to obtain from others what you lacked from your mother when you grew up.

You need to seek help from a professional counselor.

Your current problem falls under the category of your family of origin, so I strongly suggest you seek help from a professional counselor rather than an instant listener.

You need to deal with your attachment to your mother.

Otherwise, you will continue to have relationships like the one with your current roommate, which are difficult to explain.

I am confident that you will solve the problem you are facing now effectively soon.

That's all I can think of.

I am confident that my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you. I am the answer, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Best wishes!

Hello, my name is Fei Yun, and I'm a heart coach.

You feel a special affection for your roommate, with liking and love, and even more so emotional dependence. You thought you could continue like lovers forever, with life, career, intimacy, and the little quarrels between lovers.

I know it can be really tough when someone you love calls it quits on a relationship you want. It can leave you feeling really unsure and alone.

Come on over and give me a warm hug! Let's share and explore together.

Oh, you did have a romantic relationship!

Even though you say you're in unrequited love, the fact that you're living together and having a sexual relationship is proof of your intimacy. No matter what the other person's motives are, whether they're driven by biological needs or a temporary emotional need for company, they can't deny that they also have feelings for you.

There's no right or wrong in love. You love when you feel the love! You may not admit it, but your body is the most honest.

Women are born to love, and men are born to love because of sex. Some people think that love is something you only want to experience once, but who can guarantee that love will last forever?

You feel so warm and supported in the intimate relationship you once had. But it also shows how much you long for love.

2. Loving and being loved is such a wonderful gift!

If you feel insecure, sensitive, and suspicious, and have emotional issues, it's likely that your sense of security was affected by your childhood experiences. We initially gain a sense of security from our family of origin and from our parents. This includes their relationship with us, their companionship, and the warm, loving, and harmonious family atmosphere.

It's so sad when kids feel like their feelings and emotional needs are being ignored by their parents. It's no wonder they end up looking for love elsewhere! They're just looking for someone to give them what they need without expecting anything in return.

It seems like the other person wants to draw a line and keep their distance from you, which means they want to end the ambiguous relationship between you.

It's totally okay to have at least one friend! And you've also noticed that you tend to depend on others in this relationship.

No matter what happens, it's important to take care of yourself and heal your inner sense of lack of security. You can start by improving your sense of self-worth. This means giving yourself positive feedback, self-affirmation, and self-acceptance.

Self-worth is all about how you see yourself. When you feel good about yourself, you feel more secure.

For more details, I'd love for you to check out my article, "It turns out that the root cause of psychological problems is it." You can find it on your personal homepage.

I really think you'll find the two books, "Become a Better You After a Breakup" and "The Power of Self-Growth," really helpful together.

I really hope this helps! Sending you lots of love ?

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click the "Find a coach" button in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd love to keep talking with you one-on-one and see how we can support each other!

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan.

The questioner wants to improve his relationship with his roommate. He wants to be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with him. Is that right?

The questioner and his roommate only have a sexual and ambiguous relationship. They haven't agreed if they're lovers. Without a clear relationship, it's unstable.

Why do you have a relationship with your roommate like a boyfriend and girlfriend? Have you made any agreements about it?

You two have already done everything a boyfriend and girlfriend do, except you haven't said you're boyfriend and girlfriend. It's like two people living together as husband and wife without being married. The question asker wants to confirm the relationship as lovers. Since both parties are already agreeing on the relationship and just living together as roommates, it is indeed quite difficult to optimize the relationship.

How does the questioner usually communicate with his roommate? Do you have similar emotions and worldviews? If not, how do you communicate? The questioner needs to think about this.

I'll also give the questioner some advice here.

Understand your roommate's behavior.

What is the roommate like? Why can't he stay in a relationship?

This is related to how the roommate was raised. The roommate's character also plays a role.

Ask why your roommate wants to end the relationship. When a relationship involves a lot of responsibility, why would he choose to escape?

Is this also related to how he was raised? If a child is always prevented from taking responsibility, it is easy to cause him to be unwilling to take responsibility when he grows up.

The questioner needs to understand why the roommate's behavior is like this when facing intimacy. After understanding, the questioner can face his roommate more calmly and release his emotions.

Talk to your roommate.

Pay attention to your roommate's behavior. He wants intimacy but is afraid of the responsibilities that come with it. Pay attention to when he behaves this way. If he can't face issues during an argument, tell him he can express his feelings but please don't hold them in.

Tell your roommate, "I want to break up. You probably have your own ideas too. We're just arguing to find a solution that we can both win. I don't blame you. We're both emotional and impulsive, and it's hard to restrain ourselves."

"Let's talk honestly."

Accept your roommate as they are.

I hope the questioner can accept the roommate's current state and communicate with him positively. Don't blame your roommate; your roommate may be more concerned about not knowing how to face the further development of the intimate relationship. If you can help him learn how to take responsibility, that would be great.

The roommate needs to understand that everyone in an intimate relationship should take responsibility. If the relationship ends, they should accept that. The questioner can tell the roommate that they accept them and that they've caused trouble.

Tell me more about what kind of intimacy you want. How would you feel if you had to carry a lot of baggage?

Get help from a counselor.

I think the roommate's problem can be solved with a professional. Tell the professionals about the roommate's behavior. If you can, go to the relationship coach with the roommate or ask for his consent to go to a psychologist.

All interactions are confidential, so the original poster and roommate should be honest. If necessary, continue communicating with these professionals until you can accept each other and move on.

Be understanding of your roommate.

If you understand why your roommate is acting the way they are, you can empathize with your boyfriend. This is because of his family of origin.

The questioner can show understanding and empathy for his roommate. The questioner can say, "My expectations of intimacy may have caused you distress."

I don't blame you. I'm not happy in this relationship and want to move on. We've had fun, but if it gets worse and you can't accept it, let's think about it calmly.

I hope this helps the questioner.