Second-year female student, family lacks communication, academic pressure is high, what to do?

Dear Sir/Madam, I am grateful to have read your story and the additional comments. I understand your feelings and acknowledge the challenges you have faced.

It is not within our power to select our parents, and even when they act in a way that causes us harm, there is no avenue of recourse and we are forced to endure the consequences in silence. I can see your mother's fortitude and your father's inaction, and I can see how you feel helpless and aggrieved. Please allow me to extend my support in the form of a comforting embrace.

The incident occurred during the recording of a video.

Mom: You performed the task admirably the first time, but I failed to observe it due to an error on my part.

After the initial attempt was unsuccessful, the father offered to take the shot, but this was declined by the mother.

The first attempt was completed successfully, but the mother failed to achieve the desired outcome. When her energy levels declined, she proceeded with the second and third attempts, which also proved unsatisfactory, resulting in her becoming irritated.

The collective response to this incident was as follows:

The mother's suggestion was to extend the time and then fast forward to the minute.

Dad: I did not see a reaction attributed to me in the scenario.

Daughter: Disagrees with her mother's suggestion. Is her mother's suggestion an unethical practice?

I sensed that she was about to reprimand me for not listening, so I responded in a defensive manner, attributing the situation to her. This prompted my mother to abruptly react, admonishing her daughter and even suggesting a divorce from my father.

My daughter also considered her mother's previous public allegations, including instances of physical abuse directed at her son in front of his classmates when he performed poorly on a math assessment.

Dear Sir/Madam, Thank you for reading my reply. Please take a moment to reflect on your feelings after reading this far. How are you feeling right now? Best regards, [Name]

I would like to present my observations and recommendations for next steps to improve the situation and foster a more loving environment at home.

I would like to begin by discussing my mother.

You and I have the same mother. Prior to my exposure to psychology, I held negative sentiments towards my mother and did not concur with her actions.

During my four years at university, I recall few instances of positive interaction with my mother during the winter and summer vacations. I often found myself in tears at the start of the academic year. My mother's demeanor was consistently lackluster. I even questioned my own emotional stability. Despite the length of my absences, I never felt a sense of longing for home.

Despite the fact that I had a child, my mother-in-law was unable to attend due to her distance from the location. Additionally, my mother was not available to assist with childcare as my husband was frequently absent and I was preoccupied with other commitments.

Subsequently, I had the opportunity to engage with psychological concepts, which enabled me to gain insight into the underlying factors influencing my mother's personality. I came to understand that her personality was shaped by her upbringing, particularly the unfair treatment she received from her grandmother and the neglect she experienced from her father.

It is important to note that my mother also required care. However, due to her role as my mother, we had a number of expectations of her. These expectations were placed on her by her in-laws, her family of origin, her husband, her children, and her relatives. We had an outlet for our emotions, but who did my mother have to direct hers towards?

It is important to note that once a woman becomes a mother, she is bound by many restrictions.

As a child, you are your mother's primary source of comfort and support. It is important to understand her needs and feelings.

And then there is the matter of the father.

There is a paucity of descriptions of fathers. It is said that most Chinese families are made up of anxious mothers, absent fathers, and children who have lost their freedom. Is this a vivid image?

I am curious to know the extent to which your father was involved in your upbringing. This is something you can investigate further and endeavour to become a supportive ally to him in the future.

Furthermore, I would like to mention my daughter.

It is also important to note that children nowadays are under significant pressure. With only one child in each family and no close siblings, it can be challenging for them to form close friendships and have an outlet for their emotions.

The pressure of socialization, academic studies, and the pressure of not being understood or recognized by our parents is significant.

However, it is imperative that we maintain a positive outlook and strive to enhance our quality of life.

As the younger generation, you have greater exposure to knowledge than your parents, access to a wider range of information sources, and a faster pace of knowledge acquisition. It is important to learn and grow yourself. When you are rich in heart, your emotions are more stable and composed, which allows you to get along with your parents with love. This enables you to understand your parents more and get along with them more easily.

I achieved this by demonstrating understanding and tolerance, which has led to a positive shift in my relationship with my mother. Similarly, my parents have also enhanced their communication and rapport after years of discord. It is noteworthy to mention that my mother's demeanor has notably transformed when she speaks highly of my father.

My dear, I believe that your positive changes will have a positive effect on your family.

I am a desert flower, and I extend my appreciation to the world and to you.

Dear questioner, From your message, I can see that you feel very aggrieved. It seems that you try to communicate with your mother, but she has a strict attitude and often scolds you, without even considering your feelings. Sometimes she doesn't even consider the situation, which hurts your self-esteem. I can really understand how you feel.

From your perspective, it seems that your parents don't always see eye to eye. They engage in disagreements and, on occasion, even resort to physical violence. When these conflicts arise, you often find yourself in the middle, which can be a source of discomfort. However, you have also observed that your parents care about you. You mentioned that when it came to the physical education exam, you sought your mother's assistance, and she was supportive.

Perhaps it would be helpful to acknowledge this?

I understand that the video didn't record it, so you had to re-record it a few times, and the results weren't quite what you were hoping for. I empathize with you. It's understandable that you might feel tired after doing it many times in a row, and your results might not be as consistent as you'd like. Would it be helpful to take a break and try again?

From your description, it seems that your mother may have suggested that you could speed things up, or something to that effect. It's understandable that you're not entirely comfortable with her approach, but I can see that she genuinely cares about you and is trying to help.

I believe that you and your mother, who are both going through puberty, may be experiencing menopause at the same time, which could result in some friction. It would be beneficial for us to learn how to tolerate our family members, how to love them, and how to express our love for them.

I would like to offer the following suggestions for your consideration:

1. It is important to recognize that parents love their children, even if they express their love in different ways. As children, it is often helpful to understand and be tolerant of our parents.

From my perspective, you are a very good child, and you usually tolerate them very well, which may be why you feel particularly aggrieved. I also believe that you love them very much from the bottom of your heart.

2. It would be beneficial to communicate with your parents. It is important to remember that communicating with your parents is a process that can take time, and they may sometimes find it challenging to communicate effectively.

I was able to empathize with my parents, and it took nearly 20 years of communication for us to finally be able to agree on things. It's important to be prepared for the long term, but don't be discouraged.

It would be beneficial for you to communicate more with your parents and express yourself. By expressing yourself more, they may be able to understand your thoughts and feelings better. Given that they love you, they are likely to be more willing to listen to you, understand you, and empathize with you.

3. Your mother may be more dominant, which can make communication more challenging. You might consider expressing yourself in a way that she can accept and communicate with her. It may be helpful to let your mother know that you are a big kid now and that she could benefit from adjusting her approach to parenting. You can communicate with her slowly and respectfully.

If she is more dominant and it is impossible to proceed, we will take a moment to reflect and look for another opportunity.

4. We may also feel confused at times. While we don't get to choose our parents, it's worth considering that, from a genetic perspective, we did choose them as our parents. We are all, in essence, the same. Our parents may have their own challenges, but they are at this age now, and it is difficult for them to change. Communication is an important aspect of your relationship with your parents.

5. Consider adjusting your own mentality. It's not uncommon to feel powerless when we feel like there's little we can do to change our circumstances. One way to approach this is to try to adjust our mentality, communicate with them, express our feelings, and adjust our psychological state, so that we can feel more comfortable.

I hope the above is helpful. Please don't hesitate to ask me any other questions you may have about parent-child relationships.

Please don't be sad. We will all be here for you.

I just wanted to say that I love you and the world loves you too.

Hello, classmate! I'm so happy I got to read your text. I can see how you feel and I'm here for you. I want to give you a hug!

I'm really sorry to say that you were wronged due to poor communication within the family.

First, take a look outward. When it comes to recording the video, I did 50 the first time, which was a great result! But when I checked my phone, I realized I hadn't recorded it.

The second and third times weren't quite as good as the first. Halfway through the shoot, my dad said he'd take over, but my mom was a bit annoyed because she felt like he didn't know much and had a bad attitude.

And then I thought, why not propose to extend the time and accelerate it by one minute? I didn't want to refuse like this.

I did three sets of sit-ups in a row. I was really tired and a little aggrieved, and a little resentful that my mom didn't record it the first time.

After reading this text, I really want to give you a big, warm hug! In fact, parents love their children from the bottom of their hearts, and they just don't always know how to express it in the same way.

As an elder, it takes a lot of courage to admit your own shortcomings in front of your children.

In the original family, there are two sets of relationships that have the greatest impact on our ability to develop and manage intimate relationships.

First, let's think about our relationship with our parents.

And then there's the relationship between parents.

Second, we often suffer because we lack the ability to love! The five abilities of love are: emotion management, storytelling, empathy, permission, and influence. They are a complete system that is mutually reinforcing and cannot be separated. If we favor one ability over the others, we might not get the best results.

Then, let's look at emotional communication. Many of us have been there! We've either kept our emotions and needs to ourselves, suppressing them and holding them in until they explode, or we've expressed and communicated in a way that is often accusatory and complaining.

Holding back hurts you, sweetheart. And accusing and complaining hurts the other person. But telling your feelings is the best way to communicate in an emotional relationship without hurting anyone.

I'd love to know what comes to mind when you read this!

And finally, I'll leave you with one last little tip: in your family, show each other respect for your differences and give each other the space to grow.

Let's start conversations in a gentle way, shall we?

?1. Starting a sentence with "I" rather than "you" is a great way to avoid accusations while giving the other person a chance to defend themselves. In life, it's easy to start with "you" to accuse someone, and it's only natural for the other person to want to defend themselves.

It's so important to be aware of this and to correct it.

?2. When you're sharing what happened, focus on the facts, not your feelings about it. It's natural to have emotions when you're describing what happened, but try to keep your evaluation or judgment out of it.

This doesn't help solve problems, sweetheart. It's so important to express yourself clearly.

3. Be polite. We all know this is a great idea in theory, but it can be tough to put into practice.

It's so sad when kids are taught to be polite, but then they forget how to be polite with their partners.

4. Appreciation. Everyone loves appreciation! When you can still appreciate your partner even when there's a conflict, it makes it much easier to resolve things in a harmonious way.

5. It's so important to speak up! Tell your parents how you really feel, and hope that they'll do the same. It's okay if they have different feelings and thoughts — we all do! Just try to avoid getting accusatory.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi, and I'm excited to keep sharing my thoughts with you all! I'm still as modest and self-effacing as ever, but I'm also ready to take on new challenges and grow in exciting ways. Let's dive into the journey together!

The absolute best way to solve a problem is to face it head on!

We absolutely need to acknowledge that our mothers love us!

❀In the description, I see a mother who is not very good at expressing her love. There is no doubt that mothers are strong! We just need to understand the real reason behind their strength. In most cases, a person's strength is caused by the environment. They don't want to be hurt, they want to take the lead, and they have a strong perception of their own abilities. This gives their personality a strong flavor!

So, what kind of person is our mother? When you were doing sit-ups, the first time it didn't get recorded because you weren't prepared. But that's OK! There is the responsibility of the mother and also the responsibility of oneself. Therefore, when facing problems, our attitude towards solving them is very important. And we can do it!

Now that we're in college, we have the amazing opportunity to learn to take the initiative and take responsibility!

So, if we can transform complaining into taking responsibility, then our mother's strong rants and outbursts of emotion will disappear, and our father will no longer be rejected because he wants to help solve problems! We have the energy to do this, so believe in yourself!

Let's dive in and explore how to adjust the situation at home!

❀ University study is an amazing opportunity to develop your initiative and learn in a way that will benefit you for the rest of your life! If you feel that the course is challenging, you can look up more information and ask the teacher more questions. This way, you can conquer your anxiety and succeed! After all, when we leave university, we will face life and society, and we will not be dealing with textbooks and knowledge as before. For this reason, we ourselves must make a transformation in our thinking.

You are your parents' little cotton-padded jacket, so use your own strength to let your parents feel the warmth of your presence in life! This kind of growth begins with the growth of the soul and the assumption of life. Give yourself more recognition, be more patient with your parents, and love your families more so you can change the atmosphere and environment at home! Compared to arguing and cold violence, everyone prefers to talk things over.

We can promote communication with each other in our daily lives, be closer to our mothers, and interact with them more! This way, we can lean on each other more closely. Often, the stronger a person is, the lonelier they are inside, and the more they long for someone who truly understands and truly cherishes them to appear. So-called strength is just a way to better protect themselves.

And the best part is, the road to changing the strong is going to be a joint effort with multiple parties!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello. I can understand why you might be angry when I read your words.

It is often the case that the way we treat ourselves and others is influenced by the way we were treated as children. If our parents were lenient with us, for instance, we may be more tolerant when we grow up.

If we are accustomed to being blamed, we may unintentionally become people who blame others. From this perspective, if your parents' behavior makes you feel uncomfortable, it's important to recognize that they may have also been treated poorly, which could have contributed to their actions.

Secondly, from your description, it seems that you are currently facing some challenges, including anxiety, difficulty learning, pressure, and even sleep difficulties. It's understandable that these issues can contribute to feelings of anxiety.

Regarding the anxiety, I wonder if it might help to exercise daily until you sweat. It's possible that exercise could produce dopamine, which might effectively reduce your anxiety. When anxiety subsides, you may find that you have more energy to deal with things when they happen, because you won't be anxious.

You mentioned that you felt tired and aggrieved after doing three sets of sit-ups. From your mother's perspective, she may also have felt aggrieved. You asked for help, but in the end, she had to deal with your emotions because you didn't do it properly. Could she also have reason to be aggrieved? Your comment that you blame me may have come across as a complaint to your mother.

It seems that when she suggested speeding things up, she was already looking for a solution, but you had a different opinion. It's only natural to feel some emotion when a suggestion is rejected. When she heard the complaints, Mum found it difficult to control her emotions and things escalated.

You may have a point. There's a chance that your family could benefit from more effective communication. We've discussed some of the reasons why this might be the case. It's clear that there's an opportunity for improvement. Do you feel ready to embrace a new approach? If you're open to making changes, it might be helpful to start with yourself. Learning to accept their emotions could be a valuable first step. With time and effort, you might find that the atmosphere at home becomes more positive.

It's important to remember that communication is a skill that can be learned and cultivated. It's not realistic to expect changes to happen on their own, especially as people get older and change can become more challenging.

Hi, I'm happy to answer your question.

From what you've said, it seems like your mother is pretty powerful in the family. You have a lot of complaints and grievances that you can't say to her face, but you have to suppress them. In this family, you play the role of a good child who is obedient and careful. But if you suppress these feelings for too long, it will make you feel tortured and helpless. You'll look forward to getting out of it sooner. Let's learn some knowledge first:

##Communication models##

Satir came up with a communication model that includes four types: the pleasing type, the blaming type, the over-rational type, and the interrupting type.

☞ The pleasing type

People who try to please others often have good relationships with others because it makes others happy and they are therefore more accepted. On the one hand, they feel like they don't matter; on the other, they feel like victims and ask themselves, "Why is it always me who has to sacrifice and suffer?"

You'll find this type of person more often in families with strict requirements or a tendency towards perfectionism.

☞ Blame-type

People who are blaming are always looking for someone or something to blame. They're constantly disturbing and blaming others and the environment, saying things like, "It's all your fault," "If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be in trouble," etc.

It's interesting to note that people who are pleasing often encounter people who are blaming. The two types are like a natural pair, and in fact, their interactions reinforce each other's patterns. At the same time, many pleasing people adopt a blaming pattern with the people closest to them.

Let's talk about the ultra-rational type.

People who are overly rational often behave in the following way: they're indifferent and always like to give others advice, which makes those around them feel that they're impersonal and boring.

Super-rational people are only seemingly rational. They just avoid and deny their feelings, which isolates them from others. In fact, they are lonely inside.

☞ Interrupters

Interrupters often steer clear of the important stuff and focus on the trivial. They'll often tell jokes or interrupt conversations on purpose. They're not great at expressing themselves clearly and are often reluctant to face conflicts and emotions. Some even have difficulty focusing on their behavior and mannerisms, and they'll often whistle, sing, blink, or fidget.

So, we can learn to understand ourselves and each other better by paying attention to how we communicate with each other. This helps us achieve our goal of smooth communication.

##Original family and family unconsciousness##

The family of origin has a big impact on us because our parents are the first people we interact with outside of our immediate family. How we bond with them shapes our future relationships. Plus, some of the family's values and norms are likely to be passed down from one generation to the next.

So, this small society of the family has a big impact on our growth.

As the original poster said, the first 50 achieved an excellent standard. So, what's the standard for the second time? Is it a pass or a fail?

And being bad at something means not being able to pass or not being able to excel?

Where do these requests that linger in our hearts come from?

If you can understand these parts, you'll know what's really behind the complaints.

##What to do##

We can make efforts to change how we communicate with each other, but we need to meet certain requirements to change how we communicate as a family.

First, everyone in the family wants to make a change.

Second, you've got to be able to accept the disruption and regression of the existing balance during the change process.

And finally, the ability to put in the work to make changes.

The main points of personal communication are:

1. Learn to communicate consistently. That is, be consistent in both what you say and how you say it, and be able to express your thoughts and feelings. For example, people who are overly agreeable should avoid saying things like "yes" or "my fault" all the time. Instead, say "I feel...and...at the same time..." to express your feelings and thoughts.

2. Learn to express empathy. Answer questions in a non-judgmental, neutral, and emotionless manner, think from the other person's perspective, and understand and accept the other person's point of view.

If you're looking to improve family communication, you might want to consider speaking with a psychological counselor about family therapy.

These are just my personal opinions, and I hope they'll be helpful to you.

Hello, host! I just wanted to wish you and your family a happy and healthy Dragon Boat Festival tomorrow!

I hug you from afar, and give myself a hug for you. From your words, I can feel that you are a well-behaved, sensible child. You want the family atmosphere to improve, you want the family to be happy every day, and you want your mom and dad to speak warmly and lovingly to each other... And you can have all of this!

Parents are really "blind" a lot of the time. They can't see their own "mistakes" or their children's needs. But here's the good news! We children need to believe that the new generation of us can "help" our family through methods and techniques! And we can!

First, let's look at it this way: parents and children express themselves in the same way. You don't want your mother to scold you, so you respond to her in a vague way, while she wants to help you better, so she rejects your father's involvement and wants to help you on her own. As a result, communication becomes an obstacle because no one expresses their true thoughts. But there's a solution! The meaning of communication lies in the response of the other person. If no one understands and perceives the true content, it is not considered successful communication. So let's start with communication!

Before a conflict arises, take a moment to think about what your true thoughts are, and then express your feelings and expectations. If mom and dad are emotional, ask them if you can give them a hug and a loving embrace. You've got this!