So many bad things have happened in the past. How do you face the past when you remember it every day?

Hello, bad things happen. We can't change the past, but we can change how we deal with it.

1. Not everything bad is bad. There is also a good side.

Everything has two sides. When we focus on the bad side, we cannot see the hopeful side.

When we think about what happened, we didn't see it coming. How did we get through it? Getting through it is hope. We did get through it. We felt the pain. Are good experiences even more precious?

There are also good things that happen in your life. How do I keep my good days? I can use bad things to remind myself to seize the good days.

2. Build your inner strength to handle things.

Bad things from the past, bad work, and emotional setbacks make you feel negative and anxious.

Anxiety makes you feel helpless and afraid.

If you focus on the past, you can't enjoy the present. Bad things happen, and frustration makes things worse.

How did people get out of pain?

How can we use pain to improve ourselves?

How can I look at a situation positively?

3. Make a plan.

Strengthen your desire for a better life, repeat it daily, and become the person you want to be.

Hurting people make us stronger.

Be grateful for your past to appreciate your present more.

Dear questioner,

It is unclear what experiences you have had, but have you encountered something more challenging? Perhaps you are reluctant to recall these experiences because doing so would intensify your distress. These events are in the past, and you wish to move on from them.

One might inquire as to whether forgetting is indeed an impossibility.

If one attempts to think about an elephant, an elephant will inevitably come to mind. Conversely, attempting to forget something will only serve to make it more prominent in one's thoughts. This phenomenon is indicative of the fundamental characteristics of the human brain.

It is therefore imperative that we do not attempt to erase negative experiences from our memories; rather, we should seek to replace them with more constructive thoughts. Our minds are constantly active, and it is essential that we provide them with a productive outlet.

One can engage in activities that are enjoyable and productive simultaneously. When one's mind is occupied with activities that are personally fulfilling, it is less likely to dwell on experiences that are distressing. For instance, one might choose to engage in leisure activities such as watching dramas, listening to comedy, or reading novels.

An alternative approach would be to work hard for one's ideals, thereby reaping the rewards of one's efforts in the form of a new job, a few new hobbies, and a new relationship.

When one is in a state of happiness, circumstances may also be favorable. However, it is important to recognize that life is not always smooth sailing, and that there are often periods of both positive and negative experiences.

It is important to have faith in oneself, as periods of sadness may be experienced, but they are not a permanent state of being. It is possible that one will soon find themselves in a state of contentment, and thus it is advisable to embrace this with a tranquil mind.

Meditation, relaxation training, yoga, exercise, dance, and other activities may be beneficial. Selecting a preferred activity and attempting it is recommended. Practice will assist in clearing the mind and relaxing the brain.

It is my sincere hope that these methods will prove to be of benefit to you.

The world and I extend our affection to you.

Hello!

Everyone has to face up to their past to a greater or lesser extent.

Here are my comments and suggestions:

[Unable to stop thinking]

The questioner is absolutely right: "a lot of bad things happened in the past, and I remember them every day," and I agree that the best way to deal with this is to either reinterpret it or forget about him.

Let's be clear: every day, our minds generate more or less harmful information, and we willingly accept this negative information.

When there are too many negative thoughts, there is no room for anything else. We must accept that these messages will affect us.

[Painful repeated arousal]

The questioner also described worrying about past events happening again in the future.

If you have experienced something bad and formed painful memories, but keep thinking about it, you are simply repeating the pain.

You will think about previous pain and engage in self-negation.

It will be controlled by pain and want more pain.

Listen, observe, and think.

The questioner must learn to focus only on those thoughts that keep playing in their mind.

Do not make any judgments during the process of paying attention. Judging prevents you from calming down.

You must remember that you are simply listening to it, observing it, and accepting it.

You are not using your mind, you are using your senses.

[Respect your own choices]

Many bad things in the past have not been specifically described.

The main point is clear: you chose to recall every day.

You choose not to forget the past when you choose to keep thinking or to awaken the pain.

The questioner must stand from the perspective of "rushing to the future" and make a choice that you respect.

I am confident that the above will be of some help to you.

Hello, question asker.

We must face the past head on.

The past has a way of making us feel like things aren't going well, which inevitably leads to pain and negative emotions. It's time to recognize that the past is holding us back and acknowledge the feelings associated with it.

Everyone has a bad past. We all face difficulties and setbacks, and it's natural to feel defeated in the face of these challenges. We also carry the weight of past failures and frustrations, and it's important to acknowledge this as a normal part of life.

But on the other hand, if we don't accept our past, we are in fact not accepting ourselves. As an independent person, we will experience certain things in this world, and there is no right or wrong in these things. There are some choices that we cannot avoid, including difficulties and setbacks.

Here's the solution:

[1] Look at your past rationally, without critical thinking.

Consider the challenges of your past experiences. While it's important to be grateful for the pain that your past self has brought you, pain can also be a catalyst for growth and the development of essential qualities. These experiences have undoubtedly contributed to your growth, and you can approach them with a rational mindset or without judgment, knowing that everyone has faced similar challenges.

[2] Learn to be aware of your emotions and adjust your state of mind.

Everyone will experience negative emotions, caused by external or internal factors. All painful feelings result from our perceptions of certain things in our lives. These perceptions lead to critical thoughts and ideas, causing pain. We must recognize our emotions and the reasons behind them, then adjust ourselves.

[3] Improve your inner self, believe in yourself, and don't waste time trying to forget the past.

You must have confidence in yourself to not force yourself. The past is gone and doesn't really mean anything. To live a good life, you have to grasp the present moment, live it well, understand what you need, enhance your inner strength, see your current state, and soothe your inner self.

Seek help from a counselor.

A counselor can help you see yourself more clearly and view your past and present selves in a different light. You need to understand what you should do to make yourself feel more comfortable, accept yourself despite painful emotions, and stop forcing yourself.

I am confident that the above comments will be helpful to you.

Hello, I am Xin Tan, and I'm here to support you as your coach, Fei Yun. I believe that 2023 can be a happy year for you.

You may find yourself dwelling on past events, particularly those that were challenging. You may also experience feelings of guilt. You may wish to release this "tension" and "internal conflict," but you find yourself continually caught in this cycle and unable to fully withdraw and experience peace in the present.

We all have our own inherent patterns, and these patterns can sometimes lead us to find ourselves in situations where we feel stuck, facing a variety of conflicts and contradictions. Let's share and discuss these experiences together.

? 1. Pessimism and optimism

In life, we will find that some people are born optimists, and they can handle anything that comes their way. For example, Su Dongpo. Some people are very sentimental, like Dai Yu when she buried her flowers. This may be due to two different modes: pessimism and optimism.

It is often the case that when a person is able to see the positive aspects of a situation, they will feel a sense of happiness. However, if they are focused on the negative aspects, they may experience feelings of sadness and worry.

This is why we find that people can experience different emotions when faced with the same situation.

One way to live a little happier might be to look at what you have and express gratitude. People who can do this are often called "optimistic." In contrast, people who are always focused on dangers and deficiencies are sometimes called "pessimistic."

It could be said that optimism and pessimism are simply habits and patterns of life, with no inherent distinction between good and bad. Similarly, the notion of being "born in trouble and dying in comfort" might be seen as a form of vigilance, shaped by a pessimistic outlook.

People who are pessimistic tend to see the negative side of things more than the positive.

1) It seems that people tend to view difficult or unpleasant things as long-term and permanent, while the good is seen as temporary.

2) It is often the case that difficulties are viewed as the norm, while positive outcomes are seen as individual and exceptional.

3) In the case of achievements, they tend to attribute their success to their own actions and abilities, rather than viewing it as a result of innate talent. Conversely, in the context of mistakes, they often perceive these as a reflection of their shortcomings and human limitations.

Those with an optimistic outlook tend to believe that positive experiences are the norm and that challenges are isolated occurrences. They also tend to believe that accomplishments are a result of one's own abilities and that mistakes are simply a part of the learning process.

It would be beneficial to remain aware of your patterns from the past, identify which ones you would like to change, and then plan how to do so.

2. Conflict and confusion

You believe that it can be beneficial to reinterpret past events from a vertical perspective. This involves examining past experiences, taking responsibility for one's actions, and focusing on the present and future.

It could be said that self-blame tends to focus on the past, which can often lead to feelings of remorse and regret. Perhaps the key lies in how we choose to reinterpret these feelings, and this may involve exploring the concepts of conflict and confusion.

One might say that conflict involves placing two different points of view in the same time frame, while confusion involves placing two different points of view in two different time frames.

For instance, when you were a child and wore open-crotch pants, some people might feel a certain degree of embarrassment when they reflect on this as an adult. This could be because they have placed two different perspectives in the same time frame.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider putting your "opinion" in the past, which could then open up a space for the future. Your "should be" may simply be your past opinion, and it might be helpful to let go of the idea that your opinion is right.

Perhaps it would be more beneficial to focus on the present and future rather than dwelling on the past. Life is a cycle, and the nature of that cycle depends on the beliefs we hold for a long time. It might be helpful to consider a change of heart.

I believe this book could also be of benefit to you.

I hope the above is helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you would like to continue the conversation, please click on "Find a Coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, dear questioner!

From what you've told me, it's clear you have a wonderful ability to perceive this uncomfortable emotion within yourself, to face it bravely, and to actively seek solutions to the problem. This must be such a great feeling!

You told me that in the past, a lot of uncomfortable things happened. It sounds like your work and relationships weren't going well, and you wanted to forget the past and move towards the future. But inside, you are always remembering, even trying to explain it away. It's totally understandable to feel worried that something bad will happen again, making you feel very uncomfortable. Is that right?

From what you've told me, it seems like you're carrying a little bit of a burden from something that happened in the past. It's so brave of you to come here and ask for help to work through it. This is the first step on your journey to healing.

I think most people have had these kinds of emotional feelings before, and it's totally normal. It's okay! Whatever happened in the past, whether it was good or bad, is in the past. Sometimes we reminisce, and I just want to forget, but it really exists, and there is no way to truly forget. What we have to do is reconcile with him. Only by reconciling with him can we find peace within ourselves and have the courage to face the future.

If a miracle happened and your uncomfortable emotions disappeared and you could face the future bravely, what would your state of life be like? I'd love to know what you've done to make the miracle happen!

I'd love to know if you think you'll be any different after the miracle. And who do you think will notice the difference?

All emotional feelings come from our inner thoughts. It's so important to remember that we shouldn't be controlled by our thoughts. We can overcome them and break through! As long as we don't give up, everything is possible!

Based on what you've told me, I'd love to offer you a few suggestions that I hope will help.

I think the first thing you should do is look for all the good things that have happened to you.

It's totally normal to feel a bit lost and powerless when you've had some tough experiences in the past. It's like you're carrying a little bit of baggage from your past experiences with you into the future. But you know what? We can choose to feel empowered inside, even when we're facing challenges. So, let's take a moment to reflect on our own experiences. What kind of environment were we in? What did we do? Let's remember these feelings and fill every part of our body with them, giving us a certain sense of comfort. Then we'll feel empowered inside.

I think you'd really enjoy the book "The Brain Code of Happiness." It talks about not trying to get rid of negative emotions, but rather filling the brain with positive experiences. I think you'll find that's the most important thing for us.

Secondly, it's so important to learn to believe in yourself!

No matter what happened in the past, it's already in the past. We've gained certain experiences and lessons from the past, and we can use those to our advantage! We must learn to believe in ourselves, to trust and firmly believe that we can do it. Only then can we face it bravely, make a breakthrough, and try. If we don't believe in ourselves, we will remain stuck in this negative state of mind, unable to break through and lead a carefree life.

And remember to exercise more!

From what you've told me, it seems like you might be feeling a bit stuck in some negative thoughts right now. I think that taking care of your body through more exercise could really help you feel better! When we exercise, our brains release dopamine, which makes us feel good and gives us more energy to tackle whatever life throws our way.

And then, believe in the power of accumulation!

The past is the past, and we always have to face the future. If we can't let go of the past, we won't have the strength to run towards the future. But please believe in yourself and give yourself a little time. You've got this! Make a little progress every day, and bit by bit, one day you will become different. So please believe in the power of accumulation.

If you need help, please don't hesitate to reach out to a professional counselor. They're there for you.

It's totally normal to feel caught up in negative emotions when we're dealing with the past. It's just that we can't always regulate it. That's okay! We can seek help from a professional counselor, who can help us return to the past and use the power of the present to help ourselves at that time, so that the past self becomes empowered. Eventually, the past self and the heart feel like they are one and the same, filling us with confidence and courage to head towards the future.

Hello, landlord. I saw your description and I understand your mood. When something bad happens, there's no getting out of it.

I am confident that my sharing will be helpful to you.

As you described in the article, you think about it every day, trying to straighten it out for him and find out the reasons. You are determined to find out why it happened and to make sure it doesn't happen again.

It is therefore clear that it is not the event itself that affects your emotions, but rather your perception of it.

Our personal interpretation of the causes of events forms our final view of the situation, which in turn affects our emotions and triggers different behaviors.

I'm sure you've heard of the ABC theory. It was proposed by American psychologist Ellis in the 1960s. It emphasizes that what causes our negative or positive emotional and behavioral responses is our cognitive evaluation of something, not the event itself.

Everyone has a lot of things happening to them every day, and we need to constantly explain the reasons for these events.

In life or at work, we often hear people say, "If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't have done it that way."

I am certain that even if we go back to the beginning, we cannot make a different choice.

I want to be clear: there's no point in dwelling on the past. It's done. We need to move on and focus on the future.

You've heard it all before, and you've never experienced it.

However, it is crucial to understand that those who cannot let go of the past will never be able to seize happiness when it comes. A happy person looks forward because they understand that whether it is a beautiful past or a past they would rather not remember, dwelling on it will consume your precious time and drag you down.

Don't waste time regretting the past. Focus on the present and do the things you should be doing now. Don't waste time regretting mistakes you make today.

Do not dwell on what you think you should not have done. Instead, ask yourself, "What should I do now?" Every experience teaches us a lesson. Learn from the mistakes of others to reap even greater rewards.

In this journey of life, there is no turning back. We have already chosen this path, and there is no guarantee that the end of the other path will be better than the present. Nothing is absolute.

The past is already in the past. If we always hope for "what if," we can't look to the future. We must work hard for a happy life in the future.

Time is the cure for everything. It will subside with the passage of time.

Don't wallow in the mire of the past. Let the dusty memories rest in the countryside. Forget the painful memories and uproot the weeds in your heart. Allow the most beautiful flowers to bloom from within.

Remember this:

A person's life is only 30,000 days long. We can do it. Reviewing yesterday and summing up experience is a source of wealth. Seizing the day is equivalent to treasuring every opportunity for development. Planning for tomorrow is equivalent to looking to the future and strategizing.

If we live these three days well—reaping the benefits of yesterday, cherishing today, and planning for tomorrow—we will have no great regrets in life. It's as simple as that.

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you a little.

It's totally normal to spend a lot of time thinking about the past. We all have our share of bad experiences, not-so-great relationships, and not-so-great work. It's natural to want to reinterpret the past, forget about it, or worry about it happening again in the future. But, we don't always know how to deal with the past or how to forget it and let ourselves run towards the future. It's okay! It's a process, but it will definitely get better and better.

I really want to help you, so here's my advice:

There are ways to say goodbye to the past, which can really help you deal with your emotions and view your experiences more objectively.

It's totally normal to reminisce every day. But it can also mean that we're holding ourselves back a little. Everything in the world follows a certain pattern: a beginning, a change, and an end.

If we keep on remembering, these things will always be in a state of flux, never ending, and constantly occupying our energy and time. We all know how hard it can be to live in the present and remain in the past.

So, it's time to say goodbye to the past. You can write a letter to let go of the things and people from your past. Tell yourself that it's time to move on. We can't change what's done, but we can start a new chapter in the present and create something beautiful. Writing is a great way to express your feelings and thoughts. It's a way to let your emotions out. It can also help us look at our experiences from the perspective of an observer. This can help us move on.

2. It's so important to focus on the present while letting go of the past. That way, we can avoid regret and depression. And focusing on the future? That can lead to anxiety and worry. So let's focus on the present!

It's so easy to get caught up in the past or to worry about the future. When we're focused on the past, we can end up feeling regret and depression. And when we're focused on the future, we can feel anxious and worried. But here's the thing: the past and the future are both beyond our control. The only thing we can control is the present, the here and now.

So, let's make a conscious effort to focus our attention on the present moment. This will help us feel more peaceful and at ease.

When you find your thoughts drifting into the past or the future again, just gently tell yourself to stop. Then, you can focus on your breathing to bring your attention back to your breathing and thus to the present moment. You can also bring your attention back to the present moment by looking at the objects around you and describing the shape, color, size, material, etc. of the objects around you. Then, just do what you need to do: eat when you need to eat, read when you need to read, and work when you need to work. When you can devote yourself to the task at hand, these anxieties and depression will disappear. You've got this!

3. Adjust your beliefs, give yourself positive mental suggestions, pay attention to the beauty in your daily life by recording three good things, and believe that your future will be happy. You've got this!

Have you ever noticed that when we believe in something, it tends to come true? And when we fear something, it's very likely to happen? This is the influence of the law of attraction! Our attention follows this rule: when we believe in something, our attention is focused on what we believe; and when we reject and fear something, our attention is focused on what we reject and fear.

So, what do you think will come true, and what do you fear will come true?

So, it's time to adjust our beliefs and attract what we truly believe in. Instead of worrying about past events recurring in the future, let's focus on the positive and say, "I believe my life will get better and better." Let's remind ourselves often that everything is the best arrangement, that what we experience is all for our growth, and that we can live a happy and fulfilling life...

And there's more! We can also improve our sense of well-being by recording three good things every day:

Every day, find three good things in your life and record them. Each event can be recorded in one sentence (you can write more if you like), and you can add a sentence of thanks to upgrade it to a grateful event. Record what makes you happy in life and what you have done. It can be something small like calling a good friend, or something big like passing an exam. And don't forget to thank yourself, your family, friends, nature... whoever deserves thanks!

While you're writing, take a moment to really feel the feelings this event brings you. After you've finished, you can share it with your loved ones, friends, or even strangers. You can also invite your family and friends to join in together to boost your sense of well-being.

I hope this is helpful for you! Sending you lots of love and best wishes!