So strong yet so insecure, always eager to please others, feeling so much pain. What should I do?

Good day.

If I might humbly offer my perspective, I believe there are two potential issues in your description.

In the home environment, parents were often quite strict and critical, and if you didn't do what they said, you would be criticized. You were afraid of what they would say, so you tried to please them.

In the workplace, I sometimes feel that my performance may not meet the same standards as my colleagues. I tend to be a perfectionist, so this can be a challenging feeling to navigate.

If I may offer some suggestions in response to the above, I hope they will be helpful to you:

First of all, you can clearly express your dilemma, which demonstrates a good awareness of yourself and your own strength. We all aspire to be better and have a tendency towards self-realization.

Anxiety is often associated with stress. Usually, when we feel anxious, we also feel a certain degree of psychological pressure. Moderate stress and anxiety will allow us to perform at our peak and at our best. However, when the stress becomes excessive, our performance will decline, and the entire relationship between stress and performance will present an inverted U-shaped curve.

The father of modern individual psychology, Adler, suggested that many of us may experience a sense of inferiority at the start of our lives. It is a feeling that many people have, and there is no need to be ashamed of it or feel even more inferior. Perhaps we could all benefit from understanding and facing it correctly. The appearance of a sense of inferiority may represent the perception of one's own flaws and the desire to improve oneself. Therefore, as long as it is handled properly, a sense of inferiority could potentially be a catalyst for effort and growth.

I believe that if you can handle your relationship with yourself well, you will be able to handle the parent-child relationship in your family well and overcome the influence of your original family. It is important to make choices and take responsibility as you grow up.

I hope this is helpful. Best of luck!

Hello, I am Good Will Hunting, a national second-level psychological counselor.

After taking the time to read your account in detail,

I believe the issues you're facing can be summarized as follows: 1. You're not used to sharing an office with two male colleagues. 2. You find it challenging to be as natural and generous as other colleagues when handing over documents to your supervisor.

3. You seem to have some difficulties with low self-esteem, trying to please others, being very ambitious, and experiencing feelings of self-hatred.

I believe it may be these three areas.

Let's take a moment to sort this out. Getting into university and being accepted into the teaching profession shows that you are a capable person, which may be related to wanting to be strong. How do you feel about that?

When you were young, your parents had a strict approach, which may have occasionally led to feelings of frustration and a sense of inadequacy. In order to navigate these challenging emotions, you developed certain coping mechanisms and strived to perform well, gradually honing your abilities. You placed a high value on pleasing your parents and presenting yourself in a loving manner, hoping to avoid their anger. In this way, you also cultivated a degree of social skills in your interactions with your parents.

It might be helpful to consider that when you feel nervous, you may be experiencing similar scenarios and related memories may be activated.

I believe that, apart from the moments when you feel bad, you are a strong person and are indeed quite capable.

If you feel that you would benefit from some additional support, you might consider seeking psychological counseling.

I hope my answer is helpful to you.

Good day.

Your description reveals a "you" who is "hardworking, ambitious, and demanding of yourself," but also constrained and timid, who experiences negative self-perception and high levels of distress.

"The current you" assesses the status of your current situation and seeks new strategies to address it. Asking this question on Yi Xinli demonstrates your strong motivation to enhance the current situation and initiates tangible improvement actions, which is commendable.

We utilize the term "the you in the description" to represent the individual experiencing distress, and "the you now" to represent the individual who recognizes this state and is guiding the "you in the description" out of it. This allows us to differentiate between the two distinct states of the individual.

Let us examine the experiences of the "you described" and the potential actions of the "you now."

First, we can ascertain the root causes of your restraint, timidity, and depression by considering the experiences of the "described you" in childhood and the way they interacted with their parents (although not necessarily in a complete way).

Secondly, it appears that the "you in the description" is indicating that intensifying the conflict will result in a deterioration of the situation.

3. Concurrently, the individual in question is operating within a limited professional network, with diminished interpersonal interactions and a notable lack of vigor.

Please confirm.

There are two further steps to take:

1. "You" have identified an alternative approach to managing the relationship with "restraint, timidity, and depression," rather than perpetuating their influence.

2. The current version of yourself articulates your genuine desires and prioritizes them accordingly.

The questioner may say, "I want to become as confident as other people." I would suggest that this is not the most accurate representation of their true desires.

To ascertain your true desires, consider this: If you were no longer affected by past issues, what changes would you implement to enhance your quality of life?

These factors that enhance your quality of life are what you truly desire. When "the present you" identifies your genuine aspirations, articulating them aloud is essential, as this process clarifies them.

Then, prioritize your desired outcome and take concrete steps to achieve it.

These new actions will gradually bring the "present you" closer, enhancing your sense of value and meaning in life, and making them more effective and powerful.

I believe that these new perspectives will lead to more effective actions and more positive experiences.

Good morning.

I can see that you're facing some challenges, and I'm here to support you. It's important to remember that simply trying to please others through flattery and blind compromise won't necessarily make them like you or want to get close to you. Instead, it might lead to them forgetting about you because you don't have any unique distinguishing characteristics. In response to your concerns, I'd like to offer some suggestions in the following areas:

It might be helpful to accept that you are not yet at your best, and to allow and accept your current state.

Honey, you are unique and special, regardless of whether something is good or bad, excellent or not.

It's perfectly normal to experience periods of slow growth and to feel that we're not always as brave or good as we'd like to be.

Perhaps what we need to do is not rush to change this reality, but rather take a moment to stop and observe, identify what may have gone wrong, determine the cause, and then consider the best course of action.

Your parents have a very important reason for wanting you to be obedient and conform to everyone else's needs. They believe that this is the best way to gain approval and to ensure your safety. However, you are now an adult, and it is time for you to make your own decisions.

You have the option of doing things that make you happy. It would be beneficial for you to be yourself and listen to your inner voice.

It would be beneficial to allow yourself time to gradually improve and create a feasible plan.

It's important to remember that change doesn't happen overnight. Many things in life are a gradual process. You can take your time, start by changing your mindset, accept yourself, take action, and do it little by little, day by day.

I'll use myself as an example. I'd like to be able to run ten kilometers, and that's my goal. However, I'll admit that I used to be someone who couldn't even run 800 meters, and I didn't want to run at all. I started by running one kilometer in the morning and evening for two weeks, and then I gradually increased the time and distance. Now I can easily run three kilometers!

I would like to get one step closer to my goal.

You might consider trying the mirror exercise to gently initiate a dialogue with yourself and gradually enhance your body language. It's perfectly fine if you don't succeed the first time. Just keep at it daily and you'll gradually improve.

When I first attempted to run a kilometer, I was unable to complete it in less than 13 minutes. I was often asked if I was walking. However, with dedication and practice, I have managed to reduce my time to as little as 7 minutes, and on occasion, even 6 minutes.

If you don't concern yourself with the outcome and allow yourself to take your time, you may be pleasantly surprised by the changes that occur.

It might be helpful to consider ways of strengthening your inner sense of power by rediscovering your sense of self.

I would like to suggest a book you might find interesting. It is called "The Courage to Be Disliked." Have you ever noticed that no matter what we do, there are always people in the world who don't like us? This can be challenging, but I believe there is a way to handle it with courage and inner freedom.

You might also find it helpful to read the book The Search for the Self. It discusses how the self is formed and how we can relieve stress from ourselves from a combination of moral, ethical, neuroscientific, personality, and humanistic perspectives. In addition, the book The Birth of the Self was written by a counselor using many actual individual counseling cases to help them return to their inner selves and find happiness. I hope you can find a sense of strength from these books.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you well in your journey.

Greetings! I extend a warm embrace from afar as a gesture of encouragement.

Furthermore, it is commendable that you are aware of your lack of confidence, inferiority complex, and tendency to please in interpersonal relationships.

Although your behavior in relationships has caused you pain, it is important to recognize that this behavior has been shaped since childhood. Moderate behavior in relationships has afforded you benefits, including the ability to form relationships quickly and gain popularity due to your perceived understanding, consideration, and ability to relate to others.

The reason for the difficulty in accepting one's ingratiating behavior in relationships is largely due to the lack of anticipated response to one's "self-sacrificing" efforts. This aspect of oneself is perceived as inferior and is ignored, disrespected, and undervalued. Consequently, there is a desire to make a change.

It is important to note that the prerequisite for change is acceptance. It is beneficial to identify the advantages that pleasing others has brought, and then to accept and allow oneself to please others in moderation in relationships. It is also helpful to be aware of the psychological needs that are being satisfied through the act of pleasing others.

For example, the individual may benefit from being accepted, affirmed, valued, cared for, supported, and understood. When the underlying needs behind inappropriate behavior are explored, more effective responses and ways of meeting those needs may be identified. For example, individuals may benefit from being true to themselves in relationships and expressing their needs honestly, particularly when the words and actions of others make them feel uncomfortable. Being sincere and courageous in expressing the true feelings in one's heart at that moment and how one wants to be treated may be beneficial.

It can be reasonably assumed that the key to being true to oneself in relationships and expressing one's needs is to accept oneself from the inside out, overcome inferiority complexes, and cultivate self-confidence. This process allows for the identification of both shortcomings and strengths.

It is recommended that individuals identify interests and passions outside of their professional lives to enhance their overall sense of fulfillment and well-being. This approach can facilitate the development of self-confidence and a heightened sense of self-worth. One strategy for achieving this is through the use of a gratitude journal.

My name is Lily, and I am the designated listener at the Q&A Center. I extend my sincerest regards to you all, and I wish to express my gratitude for your presence here today.

Dear Landlord, I hope my response is of some assistance to you.

I empathize with your situation. I previously faced similar challenges. Over time, through learning and personal growth, I developed strategies to share with you.

In regard to socializing, it is essential to be selective and avoid the "spotlight effect."

It is important to engage in social interactions on a selective basis.

It is important to note that social interaction is a fundamental human need, as it provides a sense of belonging and security. However, it is essential to be selective about who we socialize with. It is detrimental to our well-being to associate with individuals who constantly criticize and discourage us. Instead, we should seek out social interactions with people who consistently offer encouragement and support, as this fosters a sense of care and positive reinforcement in our social interactions.

In the event of feeling stressed by socializing, adjust the frequency of socializing to a state that suits you. Avoid forcing yourself to socialize and take care of your own feelings.

It is advisable to avoid the "spotlight effect."

The "spotlight effect" is a psychological term that refers to the phenomenon of unintentionally magnifying one's perceived problems. To illustrate, consider a scenario where an individual, confidently dressed and appearing refreshed, encounters a minor disruption in their appearance, such as a slight dishevelment in their hair.

As you are about to enter the room, you notice a mirror in the doorway. This causes you to perceive your appearance as disheveled and your hair as a mess. You then become aware of the attention you are attracting, and you hear whispers about your "unlucky appearance."

You may feel nervous, even though this is not the case. This is a phenomenon known as the "spotlight effect," which is a psychological phenomenon.

The spotlight effect occurs when the level of attention we receive from others is perceived to be greater than the actual level of attention. This phenomenon is observed in human interactions and can lead to an overestimation of the significance of our actions, appearance, and emotions in the eyes of others.

The "spotlight effect" is the reason you feel nervous when talking to others. You believe that other people are paying special attention to your every move. When talking to others, you feel as though a spotlight is shining on your head, which causes you to feel nervous.

It is important to recognize that our individual significance is not as paramount as we often perceive it to be. The reality is that other individuals will not prioritize us to the extent that we imagine. Therefore, it is essential to adopt a relaxed and natural approach, allowing our authentic selves to shine through.

It is important to understand that the more you can be yourself, the more relaxed and comfortable you will feel. People who like you will like, accept, and support you regardless of your personal characteristics. Conversely, people who do not like you may still reject and not support you, even if you behave in a way that is acceptable to them. It is not possible to gain the approval of everyone, but it is possible to be the person you want to be. As you become more aligned with your true self, you will also become more comfortable with who you are.

Adhere to your personal values and prioritize your own needs.

It is important to note that if we are constantly preoccupied with the feelings and needs of others, and fail to prioritize our own, we may experience a range of intense emotions.

When we are unable to express our needs and our true selves cannot be revealed, it naturally results in a blocked heart. Therefore, it is essential to learn to express our feelings and needs and to be true to ourselves.

Adherence to personal integrity will result in greater harmony and ease. I am aware that this is a challenging undertaking, but with the commitment to make necessary adjustments and express oneself, you will gradually become the person you aspire to be.

When you are courageous enough to express your true self, you will find that your own energy will become stronger and stronger.

It is important to respond to feedback from others in a constructive manner.

It is important to recognise that we are all different, and each of us has our own set of evaluation criteria.

When others meet our evaluation standards, we express positive sentiments such as approval and support. Conversely, when others do not meet our evaluation standards, we express negative sentiments such as disapproval and doubt.

Conversely, when our actions align with the other person's evaluation standards, they will approve of us. Conversely, when our actions do not align with the other person's evaluation standards, they will disapprove of us.

It is therefore important to recognise that the recognition of others is not as crucial as aligning with their evaluation criteria. However, it is not possible to control the thoughts and actions of others. It is also not feasible to meet the evaluation criteria of every individual.

Life presents challenges to all of us, and we all have different needs and circumstances. There is no need to measure yourself against other people's standards or to expect others to align with your own standards. There is no need to seek others' understanding and approval in every situation.

It is not necessary to sacrifice one's own needs to gain the approval of others, nor is it necessary to use this approach to gain interpersonal relationships. It is irrelevant whether one is liked or disliked, as there will always be individuals who like and dislike you. The crucial point is whether one can accept this self that is liked and disliked at the same time.

It is important to understand that we do not live to satisfy other people's expectations. If we continue to seek approval from others and care about what they think, we run the risk of living other people's lives. If we place too much hope in being recognized by others, we run the risk of living our lives according to other people's expectations and losing sight of our true selves. This can lead to difficulties as it may not align with the life we truly want.

It is essential to reassert control over your own judgment. You can evaluate yourself as you would another individual and do so comprehensively, objectively, and truthfully. This approach allows you to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your needs. Additionally, it reduces the influence of external opinions.

When you prioritize your own values and live authentically, you will find that your interpersonal relationships are actually more fulfilling. Those "bad relationships" that you have traded for by pleasing others and suppressing your own needs will no longer be a source of frustration.

It is important to practice accepting yourself.

It is important to accept your own character and recognize your own imperfections. It is also essential to acknowledge your strengths and values. The first step to becoming more confident is to accept yourself.

It is important to understand that accepting oneself is not an easy task. However, it is a skill that can be developed through practice. When faced with self-doubt, it is essential to persist in the practice of acceptance. It is crucial to recognize that one possesses not only weaknesses but also strengths and value. By leveraging one's strengths and accepting one's shortcomings, it is possible to lead a fulfilling life.

When you accept yourself, you can live with your flaws and maintain a positive outlook.

It is important to note that many individuals are imperfect, yet they are able to live comfortably with their own shortcomings. It is essential to recognize the complete, genuine, and comprehensive self, accept imperfections, and strive for a comfortable lifestyle.

It is important to recognize your own strengths and value yourself, and to consistently provide yourself with positive psychological reinforcement.

Affirmation and self-support are key to fostering confidence.

When there is a lack of internal resources, individuals will seek external solutions. However, external resources are often unstable and beyond our control. The only resource we can control is ourselves, specifically our actions and thoughts.

The fact that we seek external recognition indicates that we lack sufficient self-approval. It is therefore essential to practise self-approval and self-encouragement. When we approve of and support ourselves sufficiently, we will become less concerned with the opinions of others.

When you accept and approve of yourself, you will find that others will also increasingly approve of you and believe in you, as you will exude your own charm and confidence.

It follows that self-improvement is the foundation for success in all areas of life. By making changes to oneself, one can effect changes in the surrounding environment.

It is essential to foster self-confidence and a sense of security, while continuously enhancing our abilities and knowledge.

Confidence is derived from strength and hard work. When we become the person we aspire to be through our own efforts, we will become more and more confident and feel more and more secure.

By setting appropriate goals and working towards their achievement in a step-by-step manner, you can gradually enhance your abilities, accumulate knowledge, and enrich your experience. This will lead to a greater sense of security, a stronger sense of control over your life, and an increase in confidence.

Appropriate goals are those of moderate difficulty, which can be reached by taking small but consistent steps. If the goal is too small, it may not provide sufficient challenge, leading to boredom and a lack of motivation to achieve it. Conversely, if the goal is too big, it may seem overwhelming, causing a lack of confidence in one's ability to achieve it. Moderate-intensity goals are the most motivating, as they provide a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence when met.

As an example, if your current walking level is 4,000 steps per day, then set your daily goal at 4,500-5,000 steps. This should be a realistic target, neither too low nor too high.

When establishing goals that align with your capabilities, it is crucial to demonstrate perseverance in your actions. Only through action can you overcome challenges and truly recognize your value.

Please continue to provide yourself with encouragement, positive mental suggestions, and the belief that you can achieve your goals.

Let's get started.

Hello, question asker! I'm so happy to answer your question. From what you've told me, it seems like you're already aware of some of the challenges you're facing. You seem a bit reserved in your work and interactions with others, and in your personal life, you try to please others and are reluctant to refuse their requests. You are also very ambitious and want to make a positive change in your life.

It seems like you had some pretty strict parents when you were younger, which might have led to you developing mild social phobia. It's totally normal to care about what others think, especially when it's negative. But sometimes, we can let that affect us in ways we don't intend. It's understandable that handing over documents to your leader makes you nervous. And it's okay to feel embarrassed about refusing other people's demands. We all need the recognition and affirmation of others to feel like our worth is validated.

In real life, your value depends on your contribution. What others think of you is only a secondary factor. At work, you should complete the tasks assigned by your leader on time and with the right quality. You don't need to be cautious when you hand over work to your leader. It's totally fine to communicate with your leader and ask for instructions at certain points in your work. This will make your work more effective! In life, appropriately refusing some low-value or worthless requests will also make your value recognized by your friends. If you are not used to directly refusing other people's requests, you can accept other people's requests while at the same time proposing some reciprocal conditions to the other person, so that the other person will take the initiative to withdraw the request. This is also a good choice!

I'm so happy to have a date with you! 1983. The world and I love you!