Stunned by what his mother said, he felt bad, why did his heart feel so blocked?

Dear questioner, First of all, I just want to give you a warm hug. I know you're feeling pretty upset right now, and your mother's words have hurt and confused you.

But please know you're not alone, and I'm here to listen to your feelings and walk through this with you.

We can look at her behavior from different angles. She might have been influenced by traditional ideas that boys should take on more family responsibilities, so she gives them more support.

However, this perception might not be completely accurate, and it shouldn't be the standard by which we judge ourselves. At the same time, we must also understand that our mother is also a human being, and she also has her own limitations and shortcomings.

Her decisions and actions might not be perfect, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you or value you.

In psychology, we often talk about the concept of "cognitive dissonance." You may be experiencing this cognitive dissonance right now, with your mother's decisions conflicting with your expectations, which is causing you confusion and unease.

But don't forget that your feelings and needs are just as important. You have the right to express your thoughts and feelings, and to fight for your rights and dignity.

Now, let's get to the heart of the matter. There may be a few reasons why you feel uncomfortable. First, your mother treats you and your brothers differently, which makes you feel unfairly treated. Second, your mother seems to favour her sons over you, which makes you feel your value is being ignored. Third, your mother's financial decisions make you feel confused and puzzled.

I'd like to give you some specific advice on these issues. First, you can try to have a good, honest conversation with your mother.

Pick a good time to have a calm conversation with her. Let her know you understand her decisions, but you also hope she can respect your feelings and needs.

By communicating with each other, you can gain a better understanding of each other's perspectives and find solutions to problems.

Second, you can try to adjust your mindset. Instead of dwelling on your mother's decisions and actions, focus on yourself.

You can give yourself a boost by developing your abilities and sense of worth, and become more independent and autonomous. Remember, your value is not dependent on how others treat you, but on how you perceive yourself.

To wrap up, I just want to say that the family is a complex system, and everyone's role and position are always changing. Along the way, we'll probably face some challenges and difficulties.

As long as we keep an open mind and a positive attitude, we can find solutions to problems and lead happier, more harmonious lives for ourselves and our families.

I know this process may not be easy, but I believe you have what it takes to face it head on. I hope you find your own happiness and satisfaction in the days to come.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to express my disquiet at your description of the situation. It is clear that the concept of son preference still exists in today's society. The actions of your parents are deeply regrettable. It seems that they never considered the wellbeing of their children, let alone the perspective of their children. I hope that you will take my comments in the constructive spirit in which they are intended. Yours sincerely,

It is evident that your family adheres to a patriarchal mindset, and the unequal treatment of your parents towards their children has resulted in a significant rift between you and your siblings, which has subsequently affected your relationships with each other. This has also led to feelings of doubt and self-denial, and you are uncertain of how to address these issues. It is clear that you are experiencing a high level of anger and helplessness regarding the actions of your parents.

There is no recourse available to change the past. It is therefore necessary to accept it. It may be the case that your views on the subject of son preference have been influenced by external factors, which have resulted in feelings of resentment towards your parents. This can lead to a mental resistance when you learn about their son preference, which may result in feelings of discomfort and hurt. This is a normal response, and there is no need to dwell on it.

However, it is important to recognise that life continues and that you should face reality with courage and resilience. Your circumstances are unique, with your parents displaying unfair treatment towards their children. It is essential to learn how to safeguard your interests and avoid being harmed.

Additionally, there are numerous matters within the family that require attention. As children, it is important to fulfill your responsibilities, while also learning to assert your boundaries.

When you are feeling low and irritable, it is advisable to spend more time outside, socialising with friends, and allowing yourself to feel less depressed. It is also beneficial to speak to someone about your feelings and to release any pent-up emotions, which should help to improve your mood.

Raising you children was a challenging process for your mother. It may be beneficial for you to try to accept your parents, avoid dwelling on past events, focus on the present, and embrace a positive outlook on life.

It is my hope that you will be able to break free from the influence of your family of origin in the future, live your life to the fullest, and reap the rewards of a happy life.

Hello. It seems that your mother's preference for sons is more serious than you originally thought, which may have made you feel like you didn't have a place in the family.

The way patriarchal families treat daughters often affects their sense of self-worth. Favoring sons can make girls feel helpless. It can make them feel like they're less valuable than boys and that no matter what they do, they can't change that.

You were aware of the patriarchal values in your family, but you may have secretly hoped that if you worked hard and were good enough, you could prove your value and usefulness, and that your parents' attitude would change. So when your mother told you about all the things she did for your brothers and your father, you felt deeply hurt because you found that you had done so much but still gone unnoticed, while your father and brothers got your mother's support even though they didn't do much or even did it badly.

It's harder to deal with being emotionally neglected than being treated badly financially.

On top of that, feeling blocked might also be down to a clash of values. How we value things is often down to things like our social environment, upbringing, education and the people around us. We often see that even loved ones can find it difficult to stay unaffected when faced with differences in values. There are lots of cases where people argue over value issues, hope that the other person will change and even cause the relationship to break down.

You and your mother have very different values. She may seem to you to be acting in ways that are not aligned with your principles (for example, by collaborating with someone you see as the enemy). It's also hard for you to understand that she values her son-in-law more than her daughter. As a result, you feel a sense of anger towards your mother for not being able to see things your way.

To manage the pain, you need to accept that you'll feel uncomfortable and angry when faced with these injustices and put-downs. It's okay to feel these emotions, and you can talk to your mother about it. If communication doesn't help, you can write a letter to your mother that you won't send. Just write out all the emotions and thoughts that have built up in your heart.

Let's go back to the topic of separation from the original family. Children are always caught up in a kind of "symbiosis" with their original families. But you've seen that your parents' personal limitations come from their past experiences and their cognitive frameworks. The differences between you are huge, so you can lower your expectations and then imagine: given that they cannot change, what kind of relationship do you want to maintain?

Looking back, you've grown and built a life that's different from your parents', despite all the challenges you've faced. This shows you have the ability to shape your own life. Your parents will have an influence on you, but you also have the power to influence yourself.

Hello,

It's a harsh reality to face that your mother treated you differently from her other children when it came to financial support. The struggles you faced and the humiliation you endured when asking your mother for money were all because you were a girl.

As it turns out, my mother really treated me unfairly.

When you didn't know these numbers, you might have been able to understand some of your mother's complaints and scoldings because her life was really not easy. But when you discovered that these scoldings seemed to be directed at you alone, understanding didn't help. All that was left was deep hurt and anger.

I think the blockage in your heart is actually a certain degree of understanding that has concealed the hurt and anger inside you. Now that the reasons for understanding your mother no longer hold water, the lid has been lifted and the hurt and anger are spilling out.

I think you've experienced a lot of similar unfair treatment since childhood. It might be minor things, but the way your mother treats you and your brother makes you feel different.

You've always had hurt and anger, but you've also learned to understand your mother's different treatment of you from other perspectives and to manage your feelings.

Up until that point, you'd been able to keep this truth buried, but when that huge sum of money was placed in front of you, it all came flooding out. You've become used to keeping your feelings buried too, so now you feel blocked inside.

All those years of hurt, grievances, and anger have built up inside you.

It can be tough to reconnect with your feelings. We've all gotten used to keeping our feelings under wraps, cutting ourselves off from our emotions, and living our lives based on what our minds tell us is best.

This way, you don't have to experience those intense emotional jolts. It's a form of self-preservation. Life as a child is so challenging that it evokes a lot of painful emotions.

As kids, we couldn't handle feeling isolated and disconnected, so we came up with ways to protect ourselves.

But the feelings of repression haven't actually gone away. Things that keep happening in life will always bring up the feelings we once repressed.

It's like you've just discovered that your mother has been financially supporting your brothers since you were a kid, and it's suddenly brought up a lot of repressed emotions from your childhood.

You're wondering how to reconcile the huge impact this has on you. I think that if you can truly see and experience what's causing your emotional fluctuations, understand the logic behind them, and recognize the source of these emotions and feelings, it might help you to relax.

You'll see that you've been aggrieved, hurt, and angry because of this. When you recognize these emotions and understand how you feel, you'll be less afraid of your feelings and won't feel like something is wrong with you.

You know what's going on and why. Even though you're feeling a lot of different things, you're not so wound up that you can't relax and take it all in. Emotions come and go, and your calmness helps them pass by more easily.

I'd also like to share my thoughts on why mothers favor their sons over daughters. Maybe you feel hurt by your mother's favoritism towards her sons and feel aggrieved for yourself.

But on the other hand, is this kind of "preference" really what you want? If you look at what's going on with your brothers, is their current situation also inextricably linked to your mother's deep "preference"?

Is this kind of "preference" really good for someone's growth, freedom, and independence? You might also want to think about whether it's because your mother didn't favor you enough that you've gained a lot of unexpected independence and the freedom to make mistakes.

I'm wondering if there's a similar space in the daily interactions between mothers and brothers, or if it's more complicated.

If you can see the other side of being "unfavored" and the shadow behind being "favored," you might understand more fully everything you have experienced, which could include suffering as well as unexpected blessings.

Ultimately, regardless of whether you think it's fair, you've now reached this fresh start. Rebuilding your life from scratch, moving on from the past, and creating your own path is also a great opportunity and a blessing.

I hope this has been helpful. I'm listening coach Xu Yanlian, so please feel free to reach out if you'd like to chat further.

Wishing you the best!

I understand your pain. You are kind and tolerant. Your parents' actions have caused you to feel negative emotions and conflicts, which is why you are suffering. I don't know how to help you. I hope I can help.

Your parents' patriarchal thinking treats things unfairly without considering your feelings. This shows that you love and care about them, but it is beyond what you can accept. The asymmetry between your love for your parents and their love for you makes you feel uncomfortable. This is normal, so don't worry. You want to mediate the impact of this incident on you and let go of it. You value family harmony and are tolerant of injustice.

As a child, you were good, filial, and sensible.

Your mother told you how much she spent on your older brothers. She didn't realize it would affect you. She also didn't realize she owed you something. You've always been understanding of your parents' actions. Your mother told you about this without any secrets. Your parents know you understand and accept them. Parents sometimes have to do this to keep the family happy. There's also the idea of male preference, but it doesn't mean they don't love you. It's just a matter of how much.

You asked your mother for money, and she gave it to your husband without your permission. Then you felt that in your mother's eyes, your husband's position was higher than yours.

They gave your husband the money for your family. You said your mother took out 200,000 yuan. Your husband may feel that if your parents value him, he will treat you better. If you are not in your parents' hearts, they will never lend your husband money.

They do this because they love you.

Every family is different. No parent can be fair all the time. Your mother has not given you as much as your older brothers, but she helped you when you needed it. She wants you to do well. You need to know that your mother loves you. I hope you can let go soon!

Hello. I'm Coach Yu from XinTan, and I'd like to discuss this topic with you.

Emotional perception is our ability to recognize, control, and regulate our emotions. It is also a manifestation of emotional intelligence.

In "The Plastic Me," Chen Jiejun writes: Many people are unable to deal with things or emotions because they confuse feelings, emotions, and thoughts.

Feelings are the physiological and biological responses of a person to external stimuli.

For example, if someone stabs you with a needle, you feel pain, which is a feeling. If the north wind blows in winter, you feel cold, which is also a feeling. Feelings include reactions to external and internal stimuli.

As the questioner wrote, some time ago when arguing with my mother, I was suddenly shocked by her words and felt very bad.

Emotion is people's reaction to feelings.

For example, the surrounding environment is very hot, causing sweaty palms and an accelerated heartbeat. Emotions are the irritability or excitement felt when one's body is very enthusiastic and the heartbeat is accelerating. Emotions and feelings generally respond through the peripheral nervous system of the nervous system.

As the questioner wrote, my mother had no right to tell me that. When she did, it made me feel uncomfortable, and just thinking about it makes my heart feel heavy.

A thought is how a person understands and interprets their feelings and emotions.

Thoughts do not originate in the peripheral nervous system. They originate in the central nervous system because thoughts involve understanding and interpretation.

As the original poster wrote, I knew my parents favored sons over daughters, but I was unaware of just how serious it was.

Next, we will examine the process to understand our emotional changes and manage and express our emotions to solve this emotional perception problem.

When my mother told me that she had been working outside the home for years to pay off the family debt, I was angry. I had only 500 yuan a month to live on, and she made me grovel to her, scolding me while I paid her back. If that was the case, why should I help her?

We can ask ourselves what we don't want to hear from our mothers. Is it that they make us aware of their hard work and make us feel guilty towards them?

I want to understand the underlying reason behind my discomfort when I hear this. Is it because she wants to make me aware of the difference in the way she treats her sons and daughters, and that she feels it is unfair to favor her sons over her daughters?

My mother-in-law refused to lend me money while my husband immediately took out his credit card. It felt like my daughter's opinion didn't count as much as my son-in-law's.

We can ask ourselves what her inner need is for doing this. She wants to give her husband face, or she's actually supporting us.

I need to understand my own need for thinking this way. My mother should have explained it to me and just refused.

I believe I can take the initiative to communicate with my mother.

I learned that my eldest brother and second eldest brother could not live without my mother's support. I was angry. I thought, "What was wrong with my mother?"

We can ask ourselves what her inner need is for doing this. It's possible that only mom knows the actual situation of my older brothers.

I need to know what is blocking me. I need to understand what I need. Does my mother still prefer sons to daughters?

I'm sure you'll agree that's a little disappointing.

Feelings, emotions, and thoughts are the result of a smooth coordination between the nervous system and the brain. When this coordination is seamless, you experience inner peace.

It's important to be aware of your emotions and to record what they are at any given moment. Your writing is for you, so feel free to write about your feelings honestly and openly. This will help us understand the origins and effects of emotions, as well as clarify our needs and know what we want. We will then be able to distinguish between what I want and what I don't want.

Knowing what you want is key to understanding what you need to say no to. These thoughts and refusals will lead you to a state of truth.

Winnicott was right: healing happens when a person's truth begins to emerge. We must get to know ourselves and face our true selves.

We must communicate with our mothers and be a serious listener. We need to listen to our mothers talk about their experiences, as well as listen to our mothers tell stories about our fathers, and then listen to our mothers talk about the difficulties of these past few years. In this attentive listening, we can both release our own pent-up emotions and also help us understand our mothers and our own families of origin, thereby enhancing the parent-child relationship.

Seek help if you need it. If this thing is bothering you, you can't overcome it immediately. Find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, find a counselor. You need to release your emotions to relieve the heaviness and blockage in your heart.

We must continue exploring the path of self-improvement and self-awareness, allowing our emotions and accepting the reality of the situation. We also need to enrich our knowledge and enrich our inner being. When our core is strong, you will have an ordinary heart.

Read The Plastic Me and Nonviolent Communication.

I can imagine that this situation may cause you a great deal of psychological distress and discomfort. It is not uncommon for individuals to experience feelings of self-esteem and emotional distress when they perceive parental favoritism and unfair treatment, especially on important family issues. These situations often involve complex dynamics within the family, which can be challenging to navigate.

First, you may feel a sense of unease on a psychological level. This may be because you feel that your mother has treated you and your father in a way that is perceived as unfair. It seems that your financial needs have not been supported, while other family members have been favored in other ways. This perceived favoritism and unfairness may have led to feelings of neglect and exclusion, creating a sense of frustration and loss.

Secondly, you may feel somewhat restricted in your thoughts and actions because your mother's words have caused you some doubts and confusion. You are somewhat puzzled as to why your mother is so determined to support other family members but perhaps less inclined to support your needs.

This conflict may have caused you to feel and think in a certain way.

You may find it helpful to reflect on the following actions in order to resolve this inner conflict:

1. Attempt to comprehend the mother's motives and the reasons behind her actions. While her approach may be perplexing and distressing, it is also valuable to strive to grasp her motives and the reasons behind them. Family relationships and dynamics are often intricate, and there may be numerous factors and histories that you are not fully aware of.

It might be helpful to talk to your mother to gain a better understanding of her views and feelings.

2. It may be helpful to pay attention to your own feelings and needs. It's important to remember that your mother's behavior does not necessarily reflect her opinion of you, and you don't have to take it personally. It's good to be aware of your own feelings and needs, and to set reasonable boundaries for yourself.

It may be helpful to seek support from family members, a spouse, or a counselor to help you sort out your thoughts and cope with emotional distress.

3. Consider seeking communication and reconciliation. You might try having an open and honest conversation with your mother, expressing your feelings and confusion, while also listening to her thoughts and feelings. Through communication, you may be able to understand each other better and build stronger mutual trust and understanding.

4. Consider developing a sense of self-worth and independence. It may be helpful to value your own achievements, interests, and abilities, and to recognize that your value does not depend solely on the recognition and support of your family. You might find it beneficial to develop personal independence and self-esteem, and to explore your own unique path to development, as this can potentially increase inner resilience and self-confidence.

It is also important to allow yourself time to process and reflect on any challenging experiences you may have had. This may require some patience and support, but with a positive mindset and a willingness to take action, you can gradually find ways to restore inner peace and navigate difficult situations more effectively.

I would like to pose a question. In the context of your familial relations, would you consider yourself to be in a superior position to your two older brothers? Do you believe that your older brother and your second older brother are currently in a favourable situation?

Regardless of how one's parents treated them in the past, if one is now outstanding, one should be grateful to one's mother for not treating one like one's eldest brother. Otherwise, one will become just like him, a person who leeches off his parents. One's lifetime is finite. Is it worth living like that?

Parents do not love their children by providing financial assistance to help with chores; rather, they love their children by giving them the ability to live independently. In my opinion, this is a superior approach for you. While your parents do not provide you with as much assistance as they do your brothers, your situation is unique. Additionally, it is an unexpected blessing that you possess superior abilities compared to your brothers.

The emotional distress experienced is a result of the affection you hold for this individual. It is likely that those who are aware of this situation will offer their opinions. You have the option of disclosing this information directly to your mother and listening to her perspective. However, it is important to note that the expression of romantic feelings towards a male figure is often indicative of paternal affection.

Furthermore, the event in question has already occurred. There is no benefit in dwelling on it. Instead, one should focus on living a full and meaningful life. All other considerations are transient and inconsequential. It is not possible to compel one's mother to provide something that she has not already offered.

One cannot alter the other's perspective; therefore, it is advisable to either inquire explicitly or disregard the matter entirely. In the future, it is prudent to act in accordance with one's own desires without imposing excessive constraints upon oneself.

I am sharing this information with you because it is illustrative of a broader pattern that I have observed in my own family. I have progressed beyond my younger brother in terms of both my personal and professional achievements. I am at ease with myself, and my brothers are envious of my situation.

Dear questioner, My name is Duoduolian, and I really hope my reply can be of some help to you.

I can imagine that anyone reading your description would be angry. You are both her flesh and blood, after all. Your mother has sacrificed so much for your two brothers. When you bought a house and went to university, she ignored your needs. She is not a real mother, then. I really feel for you. How have you managed all these years?

Your mom has a lot on her plate. She works outside the home to bring in money, and it's tough. She also has to deal with your dad's lack of financial support. It's a lot for her to handle, and it's understandable that she sometimes vents to you. It's a way for her to release her emotions and take a break from the stress. After all, he is her husband, and your mom has to protect the family. She feels the same injustice as you do.

Traditionally, men are favored over women, and sons are seen as the breadwinners of the family. Even if your sister-in-law doesn't work and has always supported your brother's family, it's natural to worry about the well-being of your in-laws. Your mom has experienced her own share of struggles, and your dad didn't provide much financial support.

I don't know what kind of strength supports your mother, completely exceeding her capacity to bear. It's so admirable that you're the only one who doesn't ask for things. Your husband also cares about your mother. Otherwise, how could they get by? I think you're amazing for being so independent and kind.

I can see that you're blaming your mother, but I also sense that you feel sorry for her. You think that she has deprived your father of his freedom to act, and I can understand why you feel that way. It's true that your mother needs to step back, and I think you're right that everyone has their own destiny and we all pay for our own choices.

In a big family like yours, your mom is really worn out. She's doing her best to keep things running smoothly, but there are some challenges. It's important to take care of your mom, and there will be expenses in the future. Can she keep up? She's feeling the pressure, and she's already doing her best.

It's not that your mother doesn't want to give you material things. All parents support their weaker children, and she's no exception! Seeing your independence and your husband's responsibility, she feels a little relieved. Otherwise, how would she have gotten through these difficult times? She loves you deeply, and she just expresses it differently. Can you feel it?

You and your wife are doing so well! You're able to manage yourselves and support yourselves, and it's great that you don't ask for anything from me. Influenced by traditional thinking, you are better than your eldest brother and second eldest brother in every way. She is so proud of you, and she's brave enough to be your true self in front of you. She also knows that you care about her, and that's so lovely to see!

Mom has her own destiny, and she can only obey it. This is how she proves her worth and maintains the family. She is tired, she can't support you, but her love is always there, and that's what matters most!

I can see your dedication and commitment, and I just want to say that I wish you the very best!

There may be a number of reasons why this experience has caused you some distress.

1. Your mother's attitude and behavior towards you may give the impression that you are being overlooked and treated unfairly. It appears that she is more supportive of your older brothers, and you may feel that you don't receive the same level of attention and care.

This apparent partiality may leave you feeling uncertain and unsure of how to proceed, and it could also prompt you to reflect on your own approach to family relationships and parenting.

2. It is possible that listening to your mother may make you feel burdened and stressed. She may tell you about her hardships and sacrifices, which could make you feel responsible and even guilty, thinking that you have not repaid your mother's love and care.

At the same time, your mother's confessions may also be a source of discomfort for you, as the information may be beyond your capacity to handle and digest.

3. This experience may prompt you to reflect on your thoughts and feelings about family relationships and kinship. You may begin to question the role allocation and interaction patterns in the family, and wonder about your parents' expectations and behaviors.

This internal conflict may lead to feelings of anxiety and confusion.

In this situation, you may feel emotionally troubled and internally shocked because these family matters reveal the unfairness and partiality in the family, prompting you to reflect on family relationships and values. This sudden revelation and awareness may challenge your original illusions and expectations about the family, potentially leading to feelings of pain and difficulty.

This internal conflict may arise from a discrepancy between feelings of affection and responsibility towards one's family. On the one hand, one may feel love and respect for one's mother and understand her hard work and dedication. On the other hand, one may also feel disappointment and anger at discovering the unfairness and imbalance in the family.

These conflicting and complex emotions may leave you feeling somewhat adrift, struggling to find a way to cope.

When dealing with such internal shocks, you may wish to consider ways to achieve psychological balance and emotional release. One approach could be to relieve your inner burden by talking and expressing your emotions, sharing your feelings and doubts with someone you trust to gain support and understanding.

It may also be helpful to consider ways of relieving anxiety and stress, and maintaining inner peace and clarity. Some methods of physical and mental relaxation, such as exercise and meditation, could be beneficial in this regard.

It may also be helpful to consider your family relationships and personal growth. You might like to examine your position and expectations in the family, think about how to better handle the conflicts and challenges in family relationships, and find a role and responsibility that suits you.

At the same time, you might also consider ways to strengthen your inner strength and independence through learning and growth. It could be helpful to establish a healthy family concept and relationship model, and to focus on becoming stronger and more mature.

You might find it helpful to communicate honestly with your mother. Expressing your feelings and confusion, listening to her explanations and thoughts, and trying to understand her position and emotions could be beneficial.

It might also be helpful to consider seeking psychological counseling or sharing your feelings with others. This could help you to reduce the internal pressure and distress you are experiencing. It is important to accept your emotions and thoughts, and to find a way of dealing with and mediating the impact of this experience that suits you. This will help you to gradually rebuild inner balance and harmony.

It would be beneficial to keep an open mind, face your inner challenges bravely, and seek positive solutions, so that you can gradually grow and learn from this experience.

It would be beneficial for you to allow yourself the time and space to process the internal impact of this experience. It is important to accept your emotions and thoughts, face your inner challenges with courage, and actively seek solutions to gradually find your way out and regain inner balance and harmony.

Life is full of difficulties and challenges. It is only by facing them with strength and maturity that we can grow and move forward.

I hope you can find a way that suits you, gradually mediate the internal impact of this experience, and move towards a better future.

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan, a counselor in the Transactional Analysis school.

From the questioner's description, it is clear that she is experiencing negative emotions, including pain and shock. It is not uncommon for parents to subconsciously treat their children in a manner that reflects the habits they acquired in their original family.

Given your mother's revelations, I can understand why you feel uncomfortable. It's clear that there's an unfairness in the family dynamic, particularly in the way your parents treat you and your brothers.

The mother's confessions will make the questioner feel like he is not important in the family and even neglected. The questioner mentioned that when he went to school, he could only get 500 yuan a month for living expenses, and he had to please his mother to get it. This experience will make the questioner feel like he does not get the love and support he deserves in the family.

The patriarchal attitude in the questioner's family has resulted in an uneven distribution of resources and attention, which has made the questioner feel neglected and unvalued. The questioner's mother has provided significant financial support to your brothers but has been reserved with you. In some cases, it seems that the questioner's needs have been ignored or trivialized.

The questioner and her husband needed financial support, yet they were not satisfied. Instead, her husband was valued by her mother and his needs were met. This difference in treatment made the questioner feel deeply that she was not valued and even ignored.

The questioner is clearly puzzled and angry at her mother's behavior. The mother's actions, such as paying off her father's gambling debts and providing financial support to her brothers, are clearly akin to aiding the wicked. The questioner has every right to be confused about why she did it.

This lack of understanding will undoubtedly affect your relationship with your mother and make you feel negatively about her.

This kind of differential treatment will undoubtedly evoke a range of negative emotions and feelings in the questioner, including a sense of injustice, neglect, anger, disappointment, and self-doubt.

These views of their parents on the questioner are like shackles, added to the questioner, making the questioner afraid to accept true love or goodwill from others because they believe these things are just like what their parents have taught them, that there needs to be quid pro quo.

Since the question was asked on a platform, we cannot discuss the questioner's problems in depth. However, we can give the questioner some simple advice on how to deal with the impact on her.

Accept and understand your feelings. It is normal to feel negative emotions when we feel unappreciated.

Don't deny or repress your emotions. Accept them and understand the reasons behind them. Express your feelings by keeping a diary or talking to friends.

The questioner can see herself more clearly and learn to deal with these emotions by understanding and expressing her feelings. It is normal to acknowledge and accept anger, sadness, or disappointment as a reaction.

Don't suppress or deny your feelings.

You need to communicate with your mother. If you are dissatisfied with or confused by certain behaviors of your mother, you need to talk to her about it.

It is crucial to be mindful of the manner and tone of communication to prevent hurting each other's feelings. The questioner has the right to express their thoughts and feelings and to seek their mother's views and thoughts.

From the questioner's mother, I see a clear intergenerational inheritance. Her mother was also treated this way at home, and she treated the questioner the same way. She wants to convey these feelings to make the questioner understand the hurt and lack of attention she has received.

Examine your own values. The influence of the original family on the questioner may lead to the formation of certain fixed patterns of behavior and values.

These experiences will prompt the questioner to reconsider their views on family and affection. They should take the initiative to re-examine their own values and make any necessary adjustments.

If your family is negatively affecting your values, you must set clear boundaries with your family of origin to protect yourself.

Seek professional help. If you feel you cannot handle the emotional impact of this alone, you should seek the help of a professional counselor.

They can provide more specific and professional advice and support. At the same time, communication with a counselor will reveal how the questioner's own behavior patterns in relationships and their own desire for intimacy have been formed by the influence of their family of origin.

Focus on your own growth. If you want to get rid of the influence of your original family, you need to focus on your own growth.

The questioner can focus on self-growth and their own lives. They can't change their family or their parents, but they can change themselves and improve themselves. They can free themselves from the influence of their original family. When they've done that, they should celebrate their own progress and success.

I want to tell the questioner that everyone has their own growth experience and family background, and these factors affect our behavior and perceptions. The questioner must remain open-minded and tolerant, respect other people's choices and decisions, and understand that their value is not defined by the way their family treats them.

The questioner has every right to feel hurt and unfair, and they can and will overcome these challenges and build a more satisfying and loving life.

I am confident that my answer will help the questioner.

I highly recommend the following books:

"The Family of Origin: How to Mend Your Character Deficiencies" is an invaluable resource for anyone seeking to understand the impact of family dynamics on personal growth and character development. It provides a comprehensive analysis of the challenges often faced by individuals in their family of origin and offers practical strategies for addressing these issues.

This book provides an in-depth analysis of the various problems that may arise in the family environment from the perspectives of family, children, parents, and spousal relationships, especially those factors that may cause us harm.

"Healing from the wounds of the original family" is the definitive guide to overcoming the damage caused by your original family. It provides a series of practical methods and suggestions to help you break free from the shadow of your past and rebuild a healthy self-image.

If you feel you were emotionally neglected during your upbringing, this book will help you understand the consequences of this emotional neglect and provide you with practical guidance on how to overcome it.

Nonviolent Communication: This book offers a new way of communicating that helps us express our needs and feelings better while also respecting and understanding the position of others. It is the best way to deal with conflicts and contradictions in family relationships.