Subconsciously, I like to torture myself. I would feel that loving myself is a sin.

Hello! I'm so happy to have this chance to share my views with you.

After reading your description, I really feel for you, my friend. I would be so interested to know what you have been through.

It's clear that your character isn't the issue here. I'm really interested to know more about your past experiences and upbringing. I'd love to understand more about what you've been through and why you feel the way you do.

"I also lack self-confidence, and I feel like I'm not good enough. Even though I do things well sometimes, I still feel like I can't do them well.

"I would feel that defending myself and loving myself is sinful."

Many of your similar statements are incomplete, lack a logical chain, and are incoherent. For example, in the first sentence: "In essence, I always feel like trash." I'm really curious to know why you feel like that.

I'd love to know what you think garbage is.

And the middle sentence doesn't quite fit with the rest of your thinking, so it's a bit inconsistent.

I'm still not sure I understand why you think loving yourself is a sin. Could you please explain that to me? Or, to put it another way, is it your belief that loving yourself is not allowed and is shameful?

I'm just wondering, are you being a bit selfish?

It's true that there's a part of our nation's psychology that sees suffering as something to be proud of and something to be ashamed of. This is a common psychology that also affects the formation of our cognition and personality. But it's not to the extent of the questioner. So I suggest that the questioner can find a psychological counselor to have a good chat and see which part of cognition is wrong and correct it.

I'm a counselor, Xiaodong. I wish you a happy life!

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that the present moment is a good one. It might also be beneficial to express gratitude for the encounter.

From what you've shared, it seems there might be some internal conflict and friction. It's understandable that the outside world can sometimes be frustrating, and it's possible you might be experiencing some self-sabotaging tendencies.

There is a theory in psychology called "self, higher self and true self." I'd like to explain it to you in a way that's easier to understand. Everyone has an internal evaluation system that judges their own words and deeds. This helps them to be more in line with reality and more adaptable to survival. They may not be as idealistic as they would like to be, and they may not be afraid to try anything.

This evaluation system is influenced by each person's past experiences and circumstances. It's understandable that it may not fully align with your current needs and preferences. It seems that the system is currently perceived as too harsh, which is causing you distress.

It's important to remember that you are not to blame. If you feel uncomfortable, it might be helpful to consider making some adjustments. It's possible that when you were growing up, your parents or other caregivers were perhaps a bit too strict with you, expecting too much, and unable to see your strengths and contributions. Over time, you may have developed a somewhat critical evaluation system within yourself.

Perhaps what you need now is a fair evaluation system that allows you to relax, slack off, and accept failure when it occurs.

It is important to note that this does not mean allowing yourself to become lax. Rather, it involves making minor adjustments to achieve a healthier balance. The practice of Tai Chi emphasises the importance of maintaining a balance between opposing forces, which can also be applied to our own lives.

There is a balance to be found between strictness and relaxation, between diligence and laziness.

We all experience a range of emotions, including happiness and worries. These contrasting feelings contribute to the complex tapestry of our personalities. While we tend to associate positive emotions with yang, it's important to recognize that there's also yin in our lives.

I hope my answer is helpful to you in some way. I wish you the best!

Hello, dear questioner!

Thank you so much for your trust. From what you've shared, it seems like you're a person with normal logical thinking, and that you're dealing with some general psychological issues that aren't related to neurological or psychiatric disorders.

From what you've told me, I can tell you're going through a lot.

For example, you might find yourself lying in bed and making yourself get up.

It's so sad when you make yourself suffer when you laugh.

It's so hard to suppress your happiness sometimes!

And you're so hard on yourself when you're arrogant.

At the same time, you also seem to have some low self-esteem and a lack of confidence.

For example, even though you've already finished everything you were supposed to do, you keep hearing people scold you.

And you feel like you're not good enough.

It's okay to love and accept yourself, even if it's not always easy.

It's so great that you're able to see your negative side and also show your positive side! You're engaging in self-awareness and exploration, which is something to be affirmed and praised.

When we explore and analyze problems at the subconscious level, we're already undergoing a kind of psychoanalysis.

One of the basic principles of psychology is that there is always a motive and a reason behind every action.

I'd really love to understand what's going on for you. What is the motivation behind your PUA and self-abusive appearance? This is worth thinking about. To put it bluntly, when you do these things to yourself, what are your emotions?

I'd love to know what kind of satisfaction or psychological balance you get from doing this. We all do things like this without realizing it, and it's so important to understand what we get out of it.

We are individuals, but we're also social creatures. We all need a supportive environment to grow and develop, and our families of origin play an important role in that.

I can see that underneath your PUA and self-abuse, you're dealing with some tough stuff from your family of origin. It's clear you're struggling with self-confidence and self-love. I'm here to support you in navigating these challenges and recognizing the roots of your behavior.

And you know what? You are also a strong person inside.

I know it can be tough to face our emotions, especially the ones that live in our subconscious mind. But I'm here to help! I've got a few suggestions that might help you feel a little better.

First, choose to reconcile with your family of origin and choose to reconcile with yourself. You've got this!

Second, it's so important to learn to relax, and there are so many wonderful ways to do that! Yoga and meditation are great places to start.

And finally, adjust your own perception using Beck's cognitive five-step method.

I really hope that through learning, you can embrace sunshine, courage, and love!

I'm Chu Mingdeng, and I just want to say that I love you, the world!

Hello! I don't know how old you are, but I can imagine it's really not easy for you to be aware of this. I spent my entire childhood and even my youth feeling inferior, and it wasn't until I studied psychology for a few years when I was about 28 that I understood that this was more or less the same as you. When I was happy, there was always a voice inside me that said I wasn't allowed to be happy. When I saw a member of the opposite sex that I liked, I would tell myself that I didn't deserve them, and then I would keep beating myself up for not taking action, etc. Just like you, I was constantly internally consuming and blaming myself, which led to my work not going well and my life not being happy.

With the help of a mentor, we can start to understand how our communication and education in the family of origin affects us today. I'm guessing you may have grown up with your parents' accusations and complaints. And if your family was struggling financially and you had to deal with harassment from some not-so-kind relatives and friends, it can really add to the burden of your childhood and make you feel less worthy of love and care.

I used to complain about this to my parents for years, and it wasn't until I became a parent myself that I realized how difficult it must have been for them back then. I also slowly came to terms with it through continuous learning about psychology. I'd love to share my experience and advice with you in the hope it will help!

1. As we've already chatted about, your parents' way of raising you might have played a big part in this. But please also let go of any resentment you might have towards them. When you know the truth and are still willing to love and be good to your parents, it will help you become more tolerant and slowly break free from this mental shackle and internal conflict.

2. I just wanted to reiterate what a heart coach said above, because I think it's so important! This method is really very useful. It's about telling yourself internally that you have the ability and qualifications to succeed and be happy. And that your father or mother allows you to succeed and be happy. Of course, you shouldn't expect it to be effective after shouting it once or twice. You have to maintain it through long-term training, just like going to the gym and gradually increasing your inner energy.

3. Participating in a family systems constellation workshop is a great way to help you understand the root of the problem more deeply and heal your inner wounds more profoundly.

4. Find a counselor and work with them online for the long term. First, it's important to remember that you don't need a counselor if you're sick. A counselor is someone who can help you change your beliefs and get out of emotional difficulties. It's a completely different concept from seeing a psychologist to treat psychological diseases. Second, just like us, every once in a while, when we achieve some small success, we want to treat ourselves to a nice meal or buy something we like as a reward.

You and your counselor can also have a chat every one or two weeks, which can help you get out of this emotional pickle and make your life happier more quickly and effectively.

Hello, landlord. I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you.

This is torture. You berate and abuse yourself until you feel tense and uncomfortable. You cannot relax. It is uncomfortable, but you can change. You can find a way to relax and feel comfortable. You just have to be willing to change.

I advise you to:

1. Go to the root of the matter to find your core beliefs, see the impact of our growth experiences on us, and see the thoughts behind our actions.

You and I were quite similar in the past. No matter how much I achieved, I never felt good enough. I was always on edge, always feeling that I was not good enough. I was once a top student and ranked among the best in every subject, yet I still felt inferior and cared a lot about what others thought. I was afraid to relax, always feeling that someone was competing with me. If I got lazy or complacent, I would scold myself, telling me not to be proud, to be humble, because there were always people better than me. I know how you feel. It was like that. Every day, I pushed myself very hard, afraid to relax, afraid to let myself be comfortable. It was really very depressing and stressful.

Later, I traced the reasons behind my actions and saw the words that often echoed in my ears: "Don't be proud, be humble; there are always people better than you; modesty brings progress, pride brings backwardness..." These were the words my mother often said to me after I had achieved some success. The long-lasting influence made me never satisfied with my success and always think that "I'm not good enough." Even if others say that you are good enough, I still feel that I'm not good enough.

But seeing is the beginning of healing. When I knew the reason behind these behaviors was actually influenced by the core beliefs formed by my own growth experience, I began to understand myself. I also understood that these are just beliefs and thoughts—not who I am. I can adjust my thoughts and beliefs, so that I can change my behaviors.

Trace your growth experience and identify the words someone once said to you when you displayed these behaviors. This will help you understand that these internalized voices influence our actions and attitudes towards life. When we see them, we take the initiative and make adjustments and transformations.

2. Once you have identified your core belief, ask yourself the following questions to gain clarity on your thoughts.

Is this my own belief, or is it someone else's idea?

I choose to believe this because...

I want to know if this belief has had a positive or negative effect on my life.

I want to change this belief. What do I need to do?

Write down the answers in your heart in a notebook and then consciously become aware of them. For example, one of the core beliefs I mentioned in the first point is "Don't be proud, be humble."

"This is my mother's way of thinking, not my belief. I have this belief because when I was a child, I always heard my mother say this to me, so I agreed with and believed in this idea. This belief has had a negative effect on my life, making me afraid to show my success and making me take my success for granted. I will deeply praise and like myself from the inside out. I will replace this belief with a new one. This requires me to make some effort to practice living with a new mindset and treating my success in a new way. It won't happen overnight, and it will take a process, but I am willing to work hard to change.

Refer to my process to sort out your thoughts and find a direction for change.

3. Choose positive beliefs and give yourself positive mental suggestions to change your thinking patterns. Replace the old beliefs with new ones.

I am safe, I can relax, and I enjoy my success freely. I achieved this success through my own hard work. I affirm my own value. My success will not disappear just because I am relaxed and happy. As long as I am willing to work hard, I will continue to reap the joy of success and the happiness of growth.

It's not easy to let new beliefs take hold in the subconscious. If you want better, faster results, use mindfulness meditation or hypnosis. In daily life, engage in this kind of verbal self-suggestion, especially when you're repeating old thought patterns and behaviors. Tell yourself, "I have a choice in my thoughts and behaviors. I choose to think and behave in a more positive way for me. Change will happen."

You've got this! Best of luck!

Good day, my name is Zeyu.

In light of the aforementioned description, it is this author's opinion that the phenomenon in question is not indicative of inherent character traits, but rather the result of a behavioral pattern acquired through early-life experience. This pattern bears resemblance to the phenomenon of learned helplessness.

The painful but familiar pattern may provide a sense of "safety" and "comfort." However, this pattern does not actually offer safety or comfort. Despite the pain, we may feel "reassured" because this is a pattern with which we are familiar. This feeling may be akin to a habit.

What are the benefits of pursuing the practices associated with the Pick-Up Artist (PUA) community? What is the rationale behind these actions?

The theory of teleology, which is a branch of individual psychology, posits that all actions are driven by the individual's own intentions. In pursuit of a specific goal, individuals may employ methods that initially appear to be detrimental but ultimately facilitate the achievement of that goal. This illustrates the notion that modifying one's goal can alter the present circumstances.

From your description, it is evident that you have a clear understanding of your actions and are aware of your intentions. The sentiment of "I don't deserve to be loved and I am unloved" is palpable in your words. If this perception is indeed accurate, what is the recommended course of action? In this case, it is essential to ascertain evidence that substantiates your belief in your inherent worth and capacity for love.

It is essential to be clear about the purpose of our actions. In the absence of clarity about the reason for our actions, it is advisable to identify situations that will activate our PUA. It is beneficial to record our thoughts and the circumstances of the situation in pen and paper. Once emotions have subsided, it is helpful to consider alternative perspectives and strategies to challenge the irrational beliefs that may have previously influenced our actions. In future encounters with similar situations, we can apply these newly developed strategies.

It is not inherently problematic to desire relaxation and comfort. I can relate to the circumstances you are facing. When one relaxes and feels at ease, a profound sense of guilt and unease may emerge. If we are unable to withstand the erosion of negative emotions at this juncture, we may revert to the familiar "sick" pattern.

It is imperative that we affirm our efforts and dedication and illustrate our achievements by providing evidence. Once we have completed our tasks and all other obligations, and when we experience thoughts of restlessness or self-abuse, it is crucial to remind ourselves that we have already fulfilled our obligations and to seek evidence to counter these thoughts.

The discomfort associated with the cessation of a habit can persist for an extended period. The formation of a new behavioral pattern requires a significant investment of time, while the alteration of established patterns necessitates a considerable expenditure of energy.

In general, one can strengthen one's connection to one's body through body scanning exercises, and one can also relieve one's emotions through methodically trained relaxation. When one desires to find "familiarity" through self-abuse, one should refrain from feeling guilty. Thoughts do not necessarily necessitate subsequent actions; thoughts can be modified by changing perceptions.

At this juncture, you have discerned the shortcomings of the extant model and recognize the inevitability of transformation. You have already embarked on this journey, and it is imperative to allow sufficient time for the necessary changes to manifest.

Hello.

Hug you. When we encounter anxiety, fear, or discomfort, we often attribute the problem to a certain thing, for example, failing an exam. We think that if we do well on the exam, the uncomfortable feelings will go away. But the truth is that the cause may not be the immediate thing, but our subconscious mind, which we are not always aware of.

I want to understand the relationship between the subconscious and the conscious.

The subconscious is the mental activity that has occurred but has not yet been consciously perceived. Consciousness is perceivable cognition. The responses we give to things are usually done through consciousness. The arrangement, execution, and achievement of daily life can be done consciously and methodically, but there are exceptions that come from the subconscious. For example, we sometimes want to express something beforehand, but when it comes time to actually express it, we make other choices as if we have lost our memory. When recalling this part of the event in the past, it is difficult for us to capture other information to help us understand the real situation.

In terms of the role between the subconscious and the conscious, the subconscious will win.

The iceberg theory is a very striking analogy. The part of the iceberg that leaks out of the sea is a very small part of the conscious mind. In comparison, the subconscious mind is the huge, rooted bottom area under the sea. It is not easily perceived, but it has a greater impact on people's conscious activities because it is the real manipulator. The subconscious mind is powerful because it is not easily perceived. However, when some feelings and perceptions are not fully expressed and processed, this part of the memory will be stored in the subconscious mind and follow the individual's growth. When this part of the memory is triggered, it will be automatically turned on.

I do like to torture myself.

I don't know if it's a character problem. What I do know is that I especially like to pua myself. I really like to put myself in an abyss of extreme pain and perdition, and torment myself non-stop.

When I lie in bed, I get up. When I laugh, I make myself suffer. When I'm happy, I suppress it.

When I'm arrogant, I blame myself. It's a disease.

From the description of the questioner's personality, it is clear that he likes to be in control, unable to let go and relax, constantly demanding of himself, even to the extent of being harsh. This is not simply a matter of personality, because when we describe personality, it usually represents a person's distinctive character traits, such as cheerful, introverted, brave, or hesitant. Here, the description is about an inability to control one's actions, which leads to loss of emotional control. And loss of emotional control is often related to environmental factors, which we call emotional triggers. Sometimes these triggers are something that happened right in front of you, and sometimes they come from traumatic experiences in childhood.

The questioner can take control by calming down and becoming aware of the emotions within. They must ask themselves: where does it come from?

It's likely caused by anxiety about how to handle what's going on around you, or perhaps a past experience that still affects you. When you can't identify the source of a series of events, it's actually your subconscious mind taking over. It brings to the surface feelings you've been ignoring, so you can address them and heal. When you do, you'll feel relaxed and relieved.

A child who is suppressed and criticized by their parents from an early age will find it difficult to relax as an adult. When problems arise, they will unconsciously apply their parents' negative and critical methods to themselves.

Replace criticism and blame with encouragement and support. Give yourself support and positive suggestions. You are the one facing difficulties, so recognize and affirm your value. Don't pay and sacrifice constantly to get respect and understanding.

The questioner needs more care and encouragement and to find the real source of their emotions. When problems cannot be solved, they need to seek external help immediately. This could be in the form of a suitable and capable psychological counselor who can help them to solve their psychological confusion and bottlenecks.

You've got this. Stay strong.

Hello, question asker!

I can't give you much advice on loving yourself in just 300 words. But I can offer you a few words to accompany you as you see more possibilities while suffering from this.

The most familiar way is often the safest.

You are in a state of internal conflict and contradiction that is heartbreaking to witness. I am compelled to ask: what kind of childhood did you experience to develop such a psychological and behavioral pattern today? You are unable to allow yourself to be happy, to laugh without restraint, or to relax with justification. It seems that you must always keep it in check, shrink it, and make the exuberant vitality in you appear weaker, so that you can feel safe and continue to live peacefully. This is a way of existing that you were familiar with in the past.

In this mode, your own needs and values are secondary to cooperating with others, satisfying others, and fulfilling their desires and values.

Pain is a signal of awakening.

If you continue to accept the high external expectations and low self-evaluation as you did before, you will fall into a state of resignation. However, you have come here today to ask a question, which shows that you have not given up. You have begun to awaken and reflect on why you are unable to accept and love yourself well at the moment.

Pain is unpleasant, but it often paves the way for change. What do those harsh voices in your head say? They scold and belittle you, don't they?

I want to know what those self-blame and self-deprecating thoughts are. I also want to know where these negative voices and thoughts came from in the first place.

You must silence the voices and thoughts that don't belong to you if you want to hear your inner voice and thoughts.

[Changing your self-assessment starts with small steps]

When our self-evaluation is low, it is difficult for us to accept ourselves. If we cannot accept ourselves, we cannot love ourselves. We must therefore reform a positive self-perception and tear off the negative labels that have been affixed to ourselves, such as "trash" and "lazy."

This will not be achieved overnight. It will take a relatively long period of time. You must see your own progress every day. You must recognize what you have worked hard to achieve. You must allow yourself to relax and rest. For example, every morning and evening, smile at yourself in the mirror. Every night before going to bed, lie in bed with your eyes closed and tell yourself: "You tried your best today. You persisted in living your life the way you want. You did not abuse yourself today. You can sleep well and have sweet dreams."

I am confident that the questioner will feel comfortable and at ease every day from now on!

The process of reconciling with oneself and developing self-love is a long-term undertaking. I will illustrate this with my own experience. I began to engage with psychology in my 20s, and it was not until I reached 45 that I began to see tangible improvements. The challenges I faced during this initial exploration were ultimately beneficial. The subsequent 45 to 50 years were a period of consistent growth and development. Despite experiencing a significant family trauma during this period, I emerged resilient and continue to make progress.

Based on my previous experiences, I would recommend the following four strategies: 1. Believe in orthodox psychology and persistently read psychology books, despite the difficulty. Avoid being tempted by strange forces and superstitions. Many of these forces exaggerate a mysterious power to help people improve quickly, but they ultimately aim to profit from others' financial resources. 2. Participate in mutual aid groups, where people with similar interests study psychology together. 3. Identify a good mentor. Previous experience reading psychology books and information from mutual aid groups makes it easier to identify pseudo-psychology. Following a good mentor to learn psychology courses will lead to rapid progress. 4. When re-engaging with important figures in one's family of origin, understand that one is worthy of love. All shortcomings are two-way streets. The important figure also has shortcomings, and may project them onto you. Seeing this truth clearly will enable you to love yourself well.

After completing the aforementioned four processes, I am of the opinion that, despite the possibility of occasional fluctuations, the overall outcome will be a return to a state of equilibrium. It is sufficient to maintain a relatively dynamic and balanced position.

Hello question asker

You feel like you're suffering from severe internal conflict. You're too self-obsessed. You tell yourself not to relax when you should, and suppress your inner joy when you should laugh.

The first cause of internal conflict is wanting too much and wanting to achieve too much.

You seem to be a very demanding person. You don't settle for less than you want. However, we can't do everything at once. You should give yourself a chance to rest and celebrate your achievements. Second, a sense of inferiority can also lead to internal conflict. Try to encourage yourself and tell yourself that you can do it.

Finally, learn to live. You seem too preoccupied with fighting yourself. Try to reconcile with yourself. Even supermen need to rest. Let go of your worries and look at the beautiful things around you.

Good day. I extend a 360-degree hug.

This is a question that requires further analysis. In contrast to individuals who lack insight into their motivations, you are acutely aware that you do not love yourself. This is because loving yourself is perceived as a transgression. Consequently, you belittle and disgust yourself. The rationale behind this is that since self-love is seen as a sin, you believe that you cannot love yourself.

It is also a solution that you have implemented yourself. Since you are unable to love yourself, you will abuse yourself. Well, abusing yourself is your solution to the problem of not being able to love yourself.

From a psychological standpoint, you place yourself in a relatively low position, with the expectation that others will not have overly high expectations of you based on this perception.

Those who belittle themselves in a desperate manner are, in fact, being self-centered and very selfish. They may be attempting to gain attention or perhaps they want to lower other people's expectations and demands of them by belittling themselves.

It is unreasonable to expect someone in a dependent position to take the initiative to improve their circumstances.

Your self-deprecation may serve as a strategic tool. It is worthwhile to consider the benefits gained from this approach.

One possible approach is to consider the following line of reasoning: because I belittle myself, therefore I...

.

As a result of self-deprecation, they...

It is only appropriate.

From another perspective, if there is no self-deprecation, I would like to...

.

Given that they are not self-deprecating, they will...

I must recall this information.

...

Examine the role of self-deprecation in your self-perception and self-care. What are the benefits you gain from this approach?

From a subconscious perspective, if an individual is experiencing significant discomfort in their current situation, yet they persist in maintaining it, it is likely that this is fulfilling some kind of subconscious need.

It is analogous to a murderer going to kill someone. Does he not know that killing someone is punishable by death? He is aware of this, yet he still does it. The reason may be that at the moment of killing, the benefits outweigh the losses.

This is what Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology, referred to as the "good" evil.

Please take a moment to consider the benefits your current state of mind is bringing you.

Identify the underlying sources of satisfaction to enable a direct and constructive approach to addressing them.

Additionally, you may wish to consult with a counselor.

I am frequently a Buddhist and occasionally a positive counselor. I extend my utmost respect to the world.

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun here!

It's totally normal to feel a bit conflicted sometimes. We all have two little voices in our heads, and they can sometimes be a bit harsh! One says, "You mustn't be happy, you must be sad," even though you are happy. The other says, "You must be sad, you must be unhappy," even though you have done something well. It's okay to have these thoughts, but try to remember that they're just voices in your head.

From your writing, I see the following:

If you're struggling to survive, it's only natural to feel anxious about the future. It's hard not to feel pessimistic when you're lacking in life. It can feel like there's a void in your heart that you'll never be able to fill. You might feel like you're struggling with severe internal attrition, and your spirit might feel listless and depressed. It's easy to feel like a victim, and it's common to lash out at others or even at yourself. You might feel relatively indifferent, and you might lack a sense of security.

It's all related to a sense of worth, which is totally normal! People with a low sense of worth will constantly self-negate and doubt themselves. A low sense of worth is accompanied by a sense of unworthiness. People with a low sense of worth believe that they are unworthy. Just as you said, you don't allow yourself to be "happy," "joyful," or "happy" because you believe you are "unworthy."

Almost all kinds of problems in life, such as marriage, career, wealth, and child-rearing issues, are related to self-worth. It's so important to remember that the root of all psychological problems stems from self-worth.

Self-worth is a person's own personal evaluation of how they see themselves. When someone has a strong sense of self-worth, they are likely to want to improve themselves and to naturally want to do good.

When a person has a very low opinion of themselves, they become sensitive and vulnerable, as if they had a glass heart. They care a lot about what other people think of them, and it is difficult for them to get along with others. They often get into trouble at work, at home, or in their personal lives over trivial matters. As a result, they miss out on opportunities to make money, affect relationships, delay having children, and ruin their lives.

This subjective evaluation comes from the early stages of growth and is usually established slowly through the love and support of parents and other people who are important to us. It's all about having a good sense of self-worth.

A person's self-worth is often shaped by their family of origin and the way they were raised by their parents or other loved ones during their childhood.

A child who has received high praise since childhood is like a child with a lot of vitality. He's got a strong belief in himself and in his ability to succeed. Even if he encounters some setbacks, he'll think that they're just temporary. He's got a strong ability to resist setbacks because he believes in himself and believes that he deserves a good life.

If a child grows up in a family where there's a lot of criticism and they don't get enough affirmation and encouragement from their parents, it can really affect them.

He'll probably have a pretty low opinion of himself, especially some kids who've been abandoned by their parents since they were little. He'll probably think, "I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy."

When they grow up, such people often feel unsure of their own value. They can even get upset at the slightest thing because they don't believe in themselves. They often rely on other people's opinions of their own value. So, they care a lot about what other people think.

This is the "psychological nutrition" we all need to grow up: independence and a sense of self-worth. I really recommend Lin Wentai's book "Psychological Nutrition" to you. Be your own best friend and give yourself the psychological nutrition you need to grow up healthy both physically and mentally.

I'd love for you to try the following exercise:

What is your greatest fear? Then find a partner, or a still life, and stare at them while saying these words. Repeat each sentence three times, then move on to the next sentence. Don't blink while repeating.

For example, I'm afraid of failure, but I really want success!

1. I have what it takes to succeed!

2. I am more than qualified to succeed!

3. My dad is so supportive and lets me know I can succeed.

4. Mom says I can succeed!

You can also add the following sentences:

Daddy, I know you love me, but I just want to be sure. (I love you.)

If I don't do well enough, will you still love me? (I still love you, and I know you will!)

Why? (Just because you're my child.)

I really hope this is helpful for you. I love you and I love the world too! ?

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to keep in touch and see you grow and develop together!