Suddenly realized, maybe my mental issues aren't just a one or two-day thing?

Good day, I reviewed your description and empathize with your sense of helplessness. Allow me to extend a supportive gesture first.

1.

You indicate that initially, you were concerned about your appearance. However, you did not assess whether you were attractive. This is not your responsibility. Additionally, appearance is not a factor within our control. It is preferable to accept yourself, rather than feeling sad and upset. Furthermore, regardless of how attractive you may be, this is not a permanent state.

It is not always the problem itself that is the issue, but rather our perception of it.

2.

I am unsure of the precise reason for your anxiety and counseling-are-there-any-other-solutions-6235.html" target="_blank">depression following your transition to university. I am aware that the academic pressure you experienced at high school level was considerable, and that you suffered from depression for a number of years. However, your situation improved markedly at university, possibly due to the lower academic standards and reduced pressure, which led to a significant improvement in your mood.

3.

I suggest you read the book The Power of Self-Growth. It will help you feel better. Often, pressure from the outside world is so great that we unknowingly internalize it. We are dissatisfied with ourselves and are too harsh on ourselves.

It is important to recognize that nobody is perfect. We should not be too harsh on ourselves for not being as perfect as we imagine. Furthermore, it is unrealistic to expect perfection in others or in circumstances.

4.

I experienced three distinct phases of depression, each lasting several years. I found that maintaining a diary was instrumental in my recovery. Having since studied psychology, I recognize that the diary was a crucial tool in my journey. I believe that anyone can overcome challenging periods. Writing in a journal about your feelings and thoughts can help you process and organize your emotions. It can be a cathartic experience, similar to releasing physical clutter.

5.

If a diary is no longer a useful tool, it is advisable to seek alternative support. Our platform offers access to listening therapists and counselors who can provide guidance and assistance. After communicating and releasing, you will likely find that you feel much better.

6.

Take some time for yourself, release the pressure, and view the series (Female Psychologist). You will find that it reflects aspects of ourselves. Sometimes we are unsure of the reasons behind our feelings. It can be said that a weak heart can be crushed by a single straw. I believe that this TV series will benefit many people. At least it made me cry. Although psychological themes are rare in China, this drama is still quite good!

I wish you all the best and hope that my sharing will be of some inspiration and help to you.

Hi, I'm Jiusi, a listening therapist at Yixin, and I hope I can help you.

I can see you're struggling with this dilemma. I empathize with your helplessness and anxiety, and I understand the despair of not being able to control your own mind.

We want to change the current situation, but we can't seem to get out of it.

I noticed that the poster's next description included a lot of self-diagnosis, stating that they used self-hatred as a way to save themselves. Over time, it gradually transformed into self-loathing.

It also says that they used to have generalized anxiety disorder and so on.

I'd like to ask the questioner where these definitions of themselves come from. Have they been diagnosed by a psychologist?

We should be careful about how we label ourselves, and be aware of the "labeling effect" in psychology.

American psychologist Beckl believes that "once people are labeled, they become what the label defines them as." During World War II, American psychologists conducted an experiment on a group of poorly behaved, undisciplined, and insubordinate new recruits. Each recruit was required to write a letter to their family every month about how they were abiding by discipline, following orders, fighting bravely, and winning awards at the front.

As a result, these soldiers changed a lot after half a year and really worked hard, as described in the letter. This is called the labeling effect in psychology.

So if we focus on a specific symptom, it can be tough to break out of that pattern.

I think the problem has been going on for a while, and the current situation is also a result of self-negation that has become a subconscious habit.

This behavior has affected the questioner's ability to learn and rest, and it's more difficult to get out of this situation on your own.

I'd recommend that the questioner still find a professional psychiatrist for a diagnosis. It'd be best to get this sorted as soon as possible.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. I really hope that the questioner can be healthy and happy.

Thanks for your time. I'm Jiusi from Yixinli, World and I Love You.

Good morning!

Please accept this gesture of affection and support.

You have shown great resilience in the face of significant challenges, including depression and fear. I also see that you possess many admirable qualities, and I am pleased to see you making progress. It seems that you have nearly overcome these difficulties. You have remained aware of your problems and have not given up on school, but have continued to persevere until now.

It would be helpful to take a moment to reflect on the gains and help gained from your many psychological counseling sessions. Perhaps it would be beneficial to take a closer look at them.

When you emerge from this experience, you may find yourself reflecting on the past with a sense of trepidation. You might realize that you have been grappling with mental health challenges for an extended period. When you contemplate this, how do you feel? Are you feeling okay now?

I would like to suggest that it is not always possible to determine whether someone has mental problems based on their own assessment. It is often necessary to seek the opinion of a professional psychiatrist, who can conduct a series of physical examinations and psychological tests to make a more informed assessment. If we make such a conclusion based on our own assessment, we may unintentionally label ourselves. In some cases, these labels can be related to our own behavior, such as the one you have described. If you feel this label is not accurate, it may be helpful to seek the opinion of a specialist at a regular hospital. This will allow you to have a formal examination and, if necessary, receive medication and psychological counseling.

It is thought that the effect of psychotic drugs is to restore emotional stability and normal thinking, which could be very helpful for psychological counseling and treatment.

Now that you feel like you have come out of it and can resume normal social functions, it might be helpful to consider removing the labels you have put on yourself, giving yourself more positive mental suggestions, and encouraging yourself more. This could potentially facilitate further healing and recovery.

It might be helpful to encourage yourself to do more, which could be considered living in the present. Many people find that they think too much and do too little, which can be a source of pain.

It may be helpful to focus our minds on what we are doing in the present moment, as this could help us find the key to unlock this mental shackle.

When a person is in mental and psychological pain, there are many avenues for seeking help, including the diagnosis and treatment of a psychiatrist, the counseling and companionship of a psychologist or counselor, the care and companionship of family members or teachers, classmates, and friends. It is important to remember that there is warmth and love in this world, and that you are not alone. As long as you are willing, the world and I love you!

I hope that Hongyu's reply will be helpful to you. Thank you for asking!

Good day.

After reviewing your description, including the additional details you provided later, I can confirm that your lack of self-awareness stems from the belief that there is nothing wrong with you. However, when faced with a challenge that you couldn't overcome, you resorted to self-destructive behaviors, leading to a sense of self-hatred.

Rather than adopting a position of leadership and self-care, I have instead assumed the role of a critic, engaging in self-hate, criticism, judgment, and self-oppression.

You perceive yourself as lazy and cowardly, extremely immature, and lacking in ability. You are also extremely critical and disgusted with some of your self-perceived actions, thoughts, perceptions, and cognitions. Faced with such a self that can be described as desperate, you fall into a vicious cycle of disgust and anxiety.

Similarly, concerns about one's appearance are a significant indicator of a pervasive anxiety about oneself.

It is as if there is an object within your body that does not recognize or accept you. You feel as if you are split in two: on the one hand, there is the part of yourself that belongs to you, which feels anxious due to the criticism of this subject, and on the other hand, there is the part that belongs to an object internalized by yourself, which always has a judgmental and disgusted attitude towards you.

It may be the case that, over time, you have internalised the environment in which you overeat and feel ashamed. This may manifest as a sense of disgust and loathing towards yourself, rather than towards a specific person.

As with some individuals experiencing depression, there is a lack of object relationship in the mind, and no such object attachment. Consequently, the questioner's mind exhibits a critical object relationship.

I have experienced these issues myself. You may notice a regression in your spirit, accompanied by a sense of anxiety and disgust that intensifies over time. This can manifest as physical symptoms and sleep disorders.

Additionally, it can lead to a tendency to undervalue one's own abilities and contributions in social interactions, which may eventually impact one's sense of self-worth and self-efficacy.

Dear questioner, I hug you!

I am sunshine, and I am grateful to have met you here!

After carefully reading the two paragraphs of the questioner's description, I can say with confidence that I have also been drawn into the troubles described by the poster. I believe that these issues have had a significant impact on the poster's life, studies, interpersonal relationships, and self-growth.

I applaud the questioner for their sudden realization and awareness, which has brought about more possibilities for change in the future. I am here to share my reflections and thoughts, and I am confident that they will be helpful!

From the description, it is clear that the questioner has been longing for self-growth and change. He has consulted online psychological counseling on numerous occasions. I applaud the questioner for embracing this challenging experience, which demonstrates his resilience and commitment to transformation.

From the questioner's narrative, I have identified the following key points:

At first, it was appearance anxiety, and then it mixed with all the fears of going to university, and it turned into depression (diagnosed with depression a year and a half ago?).

I engaged in self-denial for a year. I lied in bed, scolded myself, and told myself I was unworthy. This destroyed my mind. How did I come to feel this way?

It's clear that this wasn't formed in our early years by our "primary object relationships" and "life scripts." The questioner wasn't born like this.

The old pattern was gradually solidified, and it was learned that the questioner is not confident and always has a sense of self-denial/unworthiness.

I once considered suicide, but I'm over that now. My condition has improved and I'm recovering.

This self-awareness demonstrates the resilience and determination of the questioner in overcoming the challenges of a depressive mood. The awareness of gradual recovery is a clear indication of progress towards a healthier state of mind, away from the confines of depression. I am delighted to witness your progress and will continue to support you.

But now that I think about it, I know I'm not sick. I just encountered some things I couldn't solve at the time.

— I am certain that the questioner has just encountered some things, and those thoughts that the questioner longs for have not yet become reality.

Depression is simply a byproduct of suppressed dreams. The original poster is stuck in depression because they feel helpless about it.

I used hating myself as a way to save myself. It slowly evolved into self-loathing.

— When you are in trouble and helpless, the questioner chose the "method" of "hating/denying oneself" in the hope of achieving "self-redemption"? However, this did not bring the expected result, and in the end it made the situation worse.

I am lazy and cowardly. I have a mentality like a junior high school student. Especially during the pandemic, I have regressed to the level of a child.

The original poster belittles himself as "too lazy and cowardly." His mentality is like that of a junior high school student. He has regressed into a child. This "regression" is a kind of "self-salvation/defense strategy" when we are adapting to the environment. It has a positive effect.

I suffered from generalized anxiety disorder. I was afraid of everything because I was too perfectionistic and too cautious.

I hate myself because I'm lazy and hateful. This hatred makes me more anxious, especially during the period of appearance anxiety. I kept reviewing my past and berating my past self until I finally became useless.

Let me be clear: generalized anxiety is caused by the desire for perfection in everything. Anxiety about appearance leads to emotional breakdowns, creating a vicious cycle that can only end with complete self-negation.

I think about whether this appearance is too good when I do something. I shouldn't have this kind of mentality or that kind of mentality when I look like this.

I spent every day there daydreaming, and it was because I had been obsessed with my appearance for a while. I believed that if I didn't look good, I wasn't good enough for anything.

The internet is a distraction. I failed to maintain good independent thinking skills because I got distracted by it.

In this self-awareness, the questioner really cares too much about "looking good/in reality being judged." There's no doubt about it. Perhaps it is because of excessive "daydreaming" that they have lost their "true self," that is, the "ability to think independently" that the questioner is aware of, which has led to "escaping/using the internet to numb yourself."

I don't know.

Dealing with the specific practical situation described by the original poster is simple.

First, accept your past and understand it inside and out. This is the only way to make change happen.

[1] The questioner feels that they are "face-obsessed/imperfect" and even have a sense of "inadequacy." This is a lack of self-confidence, plain and simple.

This likely stems from your early childhood experiences of not being affirmed and recognized by your parents, not being paid attention to and encouraged by them, and making you feel that you are not good enough and therefore not loved by your parents.

[2] The questioner is a perfectionist who strives to perform perfectly. In particular, the part about "appearance anxiety" triggering anxiety and then feeling dissatisfied with oneself and not being perfect enough.

We must further explore whether this perfectionist pursuit is influenced by the early experiences and feelings of unworthiness mentioned in the first point.

[3] The questioner is likely more concerned about external evaluation, using it as a standard for judging themselves. They may also have high expectations of themselves and judge/self-deprecate harshly due to their fear of negative external evaluation and strange stares.

Second, start with your perception and rebuild your self-confidence by allowing and accepting your imperfections.

[1] Accept your imperfections and abandon perfectionism.

There are no perfect people or things in this world. Everyone has their own diversity, with both good and bad sides. Perfectionism is a yoke on oneself—it's simply not true.

You must accept your imperfections. Allow yourself to be less than perfect, to make mistakes, and to have many shortcomings. This is what makes a person real.

[2] Conduct cognitive reappraisal and rebuild new self-confidence.

If your parents didn't pay enough attention to you when you were young, it's time to realize that you're an adult now and you can think for yourself. Your parents' previous disapproval and uncertainty doesn't mean you're not good enough.

Re-evaluate the current you. Replace the attitude and evaluation that your parents once had towards you. Change your self-perception. Use this to repair the trauma from your early years.

Identify yourself by changing your self-perception, recognizing the good in yourself, rebuilding your self-confidence, and changing your idea of "not worthy."

[3] Take "face control" comments objectively and establish your own evaluation criteria.

External evaluations are not the be-all and end-all. They are subject to bias and cannot be used as our own value standards.

We must adopt an attitude of separating the true from the false and taking the essence when evaluating others. We must accept valuable comments, learn and improve, and use them as a means of self-improvement.

You must also have your own set of evaluation criteria, evaluate and understand yourself from multiple perspectives, and not just see the evaluations of others.

If you feel you cannot break through your self-awareness, seek help from a professional counselor. They will help you deeply analyze yourself and grow into the person you want to be.

I am confident that my understanding and response will be enlightening and helpful to the questioner.

I am a person of one heart, the sun, the world, and I love you.

But now that I think about it, it seems that I'm not sick. I just encountered some things that I couldn't solve at the time, but I'm excited to tackle them now that I've had a chance to reflect!

I just used hating myself as a way to save myself. In the end, it slowly evolved into self-loathing, and it was a wild ride!

I'm really just too lazy and cowardly, and my mind has been like that of a junior high school student until I was twenty years old. Especially during the pandemic, I have regressed into a child, and it's been quite an adventure!

I did suffer from that kind of generalized anxiety disorder. I was afraid of everything because I was too perfectionistic and too cautious, but I got through it!

I hate myself for being lazy, and because of that hatred, I become even more anxious. Especially during the period of appearance anxiety, I completely fell apart. I kept reviewing my past and berating my past self, until I was completely worn out. But you know what? I'm learning to love myself again!

Because I do one thing, I will think, "Is this appearance not quite good-looking? Shouldn't I have this mentality and that mentality when I look like this?"

I ramble on there every day, and it's really because I was obsessed with looks for a while. I felt like if you're not good-looking, you're not good for anything — and I was determined to change that!

The internet, oh my goodness, the internet! It was so hard to maintain independent thinking and I was so distracted by all those things!

Forget it! I just wanted to post this to chat!

I've been feeling great lately! The only minor hiccup is a sleep disorder, but I'm working on it.

It's mainly an inferiority complex and insomnia for too long, but it's nothing that can't be fixed! He's also a little timid mentally, but that's something he can work on.