Taking care of my baby seems quite idle, but I'm anxious in my heart. How can I improve this situation?

Hello, question asker! As a full-time new mother, I can tell you're ready for a anxiety/how-can-i-get-my-teenage-daughter-to-call-me-mom-and-dad-more-often-its-so-hard-to-change-her-2063.html" target="_blank">change. It's clear you're not happy in your current life, and you're ready to move on from the doubts in your heart. You're ready to embrace a new future, free from anxiety and depression.

Hug you! You've worked hard, and I'm proud of you!

You keep asking yourself: what do you want to do, what can you do, what kind of life do you want to live, what kind of person do you want to be? It seems that you still haven't found a clear answer within yourself. But you will!

You want to seek change, and I can help you do that! I'll share some of my thoughts with you to get you started.

Be aware of what you are afraid of!

From your description, I can feel your unease and anxiety, but I can also feel your excitement and curiosity! From the questions, it seems to be a sense of insecurity and fear of uncertainty about the future, but I can also feel your determination and drive to find answers!

Why are the answers to these questions so important to you?

If you never find an answer, what will happen to make you uneasy?

Have you ever felt this sense of familiarity? It's a great feeling!

For example, if your in-laws come to take care of the children, do you get to go to work? If you don't go to work, will your husband or in-laws be happy for you to stay home? What kind of work will make you happy and satisfy your in-laws?

If you can't find such a job, something unpleasant will happen to you... etc. With this awareness, you'll be able to focus your questions on the current situation. Sorting and communicating will help you gain more support!

Find meaning in your current life!

As a new mother, you seem to be taking care of your child with ease, which is amazing! It's great that you're able to do this, but it might feel like taking care of your child is not your main focus. It's possible that you view it more as a responsibility or obligation than as a love for your child.

I don't know if it's because you don't earn any money taking care of the children that you can't find a sense of value in this. In fact, being a good mother is really a great undertaking! If you can feel your child's attachment and love for you in the process of paying for your child and family, and if your husband can see and appreciate your efforts, you can feel a sense of accomplishment and meaning, and perhaps you will have a different perception of your current life!

Get your husband involved in family interactions!

From your description, it seems that with the arrival of the baby, the family has been divided into two parts. You are taking care of the baby alone, while your husband is living his own life. You no longer care about your own time alone, nor do you care about your husband's clothing, food, or housing. Your husband also seems to care about neither you nor the baby. A family is a whole, and it's time to bring your husband back into the fold! Let the father play with the child and take on some of the childcare, so that the child's growth can also become a source of joy for the father.

And don't forget to take care of yourself too! You deserve it! Why not go for a walk by yourself for a while and leave the child with your father? It'll do you the world of good!

I'm Chenjing, and I'm thrilled to offer you a little inspiration!

Hello! I can see your distress and understand your pain from your narrative.

Life tests us, no doubt about it.

Reading your story, I felt a sense of familiarity. I could relate to your experience of not perceiving happiness in life and feeling even more confused about the future, which triggered anxiety and unease. I believe that many of us face similar challenges when it comes to defining our life goals.

Many people don't have clear life goals, yet they lead fulfilling lives. This is the difference between people. Some people are happy without goals. They can feel the happiness of the moment. However, without a clear goal, some people cannot act and feel lost.

I'll tell you about my experience. When my eldest child was about a week old, I lost interest in being a stay-at-home mom. I realized this was not the life I wanted. I had previously thought that as a mother, I should take care of my child myself. I now know this is a woman's destiny.

I longed for a better future, but the gap between my ideals and reality was too great for me to ignore.

As a result, I became anxious and restless, unable to feel any meaning in life. I had no fun, and I was not good to my children or my husband because I simply could not handle myself. That experience brought me close to depression.

I started doing it because I like reading and writing. I may not be the best reader or writer, but I know these activities make me happy.

Reading a lot of public articles made me start paying attention to things I already liked, namely reading and writing. I started reading and writing with a clear vision of my future.

I wanted to make money because only money can make me feel secure. I soon realized that it wasn't that simple.

I have gained a good state of mind, which is to focus on the things I like. I am no longer as anxious as I used to be, and I am constantly experiencing more joy, a sense of my own existence and worth. I have also started to pay attention to my family.

My advice is this:

Set aside some time every day to be alone.

When your children are young, you devote almost all your time to them and your family. But you can still find some time for yourself.

This is essential. You must not lose yourself, otherwise everything will be for nothing. You have to exist for yourself if you want to perceive the meaning of everything outside.

You must take care of the children, but you can put off or leave the household chores to your husband. At least give yourself half an hour to an hour.

Look at your phone. It's a way to give yourself some time alone. But it's only temporary happiness. It can't cure the emptiness inside you. You can turn it into something you really like. Read, exercise, listen to music. Do something you really like. Through this hobby, you can feel happy and rediscover yourself.

Define your life goals.

I don't believe you were like this after having children. Before getting married, you didn't have a clear goal for your future, did you? Otherwise, life in front of you will only confuse you, but it won't make you lose yourself. At least you still know what you want; you just don't know what to do.

Read books you like and find out what other people are doing. You will see more and know what you really want and what you are interested in.

Knowing what you want will clear up any confusion, anxiety, and procrastination.

3. Know your boundaries.

A person in a bad state of mind cannot get along with those around them. They are not omnipotent and cannot solve any problem! They may not even know how to solve their own problems, so how can they help their partner?

Intimate relationships also have boundaries. Regardless of how close a couple is, each person is responsible for their own life. Even if you marry him or have his child, you cannot entrust your life to him. He is just an ordinary person who also has to shoulder his own life and support a family.

We must understand that we are responsible for our own lives, and how we live our lives is our own business.

When you can clearly identify this boundary, you will take charge of your own life. You will no longer be affected by external factors and will focus on your own affairs.

4. Learn good communication skills as a couple.

Communication skills are essential for everyone. It's not about simply saying something and expecting the other person to act on it. That's not communication. It's about clearly expressing your needs and being willing to work through them together.

Couples who cannot communicate often become indifferent and detached. This type of marital harmony is superficial and not at all happy.

If you have a problem and want to talk about it with him, you have to see if he has time and is willing to talk to you. Whatever you say, don't accuse him. Men hate it when people say bad things about them and hurt their self-esteem. Show him you care about him from time to time, and he will care about you in return.

When talking about something, you should directly express your feelings and thoughts, even if he is in the wrong. Don't accuse him; say what feelings his behavior has caused you.

As your relationship grows closer, your perception of the beauty of life will change—and so will your state of life.

When we're going through a rough patch, when life seems meaningless and we're at a loss, it's time to take control. We can lose our way, but we can also straighten out our lives and reconsider our path.

You are the only one who can help you.

Your mother-in-law is here to help you, and that's a good thing. You'll have more time for yourself to shape and improve yourself and give yourself a start to change.

The world and I love you. This is your spiritual healing base, and it will always be there for you. Bless you!

Greetings!

From your textual description, it appears that one of the most pressing issues you are currently confronting pertains to parenting. There are indeed matters related to parenting. At this juncture, I inquire as to whether the problem you are genuinely seeking to contemplate, enhance, and resolve is truly rooted in parenting, or whether it is merely a consequence of this incident.

There is no need to hasten your response to my inquiry. In essence, the decision to answer or refrain from answering is not a pressing matter, and there is no obligation to provide a response or commentary. My objective in posing this question is to establish a connection. Where might this connection lead? The decision to traverse this bridge is entirely at your discretion.

Let us now examine the questions you have posed, as well as the accompanying text description. I will begin by addressing the questions and subsequently elaborate on the responses. In the subsequent section, we may or may not discuss some of the questions.

❶ "What is your desired course of action? What are your capabilities?"

What type of life do you aspire to lead? What characteristics do you wish to exemplify as an individual?

"

In ❶, you posed four questions in rapid succession. The combination of these four questions suggests the presence of two conflicting energies within your heart. These energies are manifesting as a sense of urgency and a sense of powerlessness. It appears that you possess the will but lack the strength to actualize it. The image evoked is that of composing the left side of a couplet but being unable to write the right side to match it. Consequently, these two forces oscillate between two extremes, exerting a constant pull on your psyche.

On the one hand, the individual is reluctant to persist in this state of being; on the other hand, however, they are unable to identify a means of improving the situation. They experience a sense of isolation and as if they are living in a shell, and they are driven by a desire to emerge from this vacuum and enter the real world.

The aforementioned four questions can be organized into two distinct aspects of inquiry: the first pertains to the identification of one's authentic self, while the second concerns the specific means of pursuing self-realization and traversing the path of self-realization.

If these two aspects are considered together, they can be organized as follows: How can my need for self-realization be satisfied?

It is unclear whether you accept and agree with the presented thinking and results, as well as the work process. The following section will continue to follow this basic framework until the question is answered. It is not the intention to provide a specific answer.

A review of the text description following the four questions reveals some pertinent information. Indeed, the act of posing the questions and describing one's current situation and feelings has already involved the individual in the process of observation and response.

❷You indicated that following your resignation last year, over the past two years, you have come to recognize that this occupation, which is detrimental to your health and lacks intrinsic interest, is something you are ultimately disinclined to pursue. At a fundamental level, you exhibit a certain degree of resistance to it, and you do not wholly embrace the idea of doing this job to the best of your abilities, correct?

It is not necessary to discuss this emotional resistance, which is merely a signal from the body and mind indicating how one's body and mind feel about the professional environment and position. This is a common and expected phenomenon. At this juncture, it is worthwhile to consider whether, in this state of resistance, one's work will remain relatively stable.

The question thus arises as to whether one will endeavour to achieve a state of happiness and to perform one's duties to the best of one's abilities.

What factors led me to remain in a position that was not only physically detrimental but also disagreeable, rather than pursuing alternative opportunities that aligned with my requirements and expectations?

Continuing with this line of inquiry, if the pregnancy had not occurred, would you have chosen to remain in your current position or to pursue alternative employment? In other words, the challenges you are currently facing in your professional life (what are your desired outcomes?)

What recourse is available to you in this situation? It is important to note that this was already apparent before you got pregnant and before you had children. It was already in front of you as a fact.

At that time, for one reason or another, you did not have the opportunity to consider the issue in depth or to address it. Following your pregnancy, however, you recognized the necessity of confronting this challenge. Consequently, you found yourself grappling with two fundamental questions: "What is my desired outcome? What are the available options?" You were motivated to address the situation and to implement a solution.

It is not my place to dictate your actions or to offer you solutions, as these are matters that only you can determine. The path you choose to follow is yours alone, and no one else can take it for you.

I am aware that when one is in this kind of predicament, it may be very difficult to know where to start. However, it is important to identify what one does not want to do and what one cannot do. This process of "negation" allows us to separate the valuable elements from the impurities, much like how we remove the gravel from the gold. By doing so, we can accurately identify the valuable materials, such as gold, copper, iron ore, and so on.

❸ One may posit that an individual has conceived of a "persona" and constructed a "mask." This persona pertains to the self as reflected in the mirror, whereas the mask represents the ideal self that has yet to be actualized in reality.

It is not this author's intention to suggest that individuals should refrain from developing and presenting a persona or mask in their interactions with others. In fact, the use of personas and masks is a fundamental aspect of human socialization and communication.

In your description and understanding of these two things, you are attempting to obfuscate the image you believe you do not want to confront with an alternative that has yet to materialize. You are striving to cultivate and actualize an ideal self to supplant the less than ideal self in reality. This is a relatively intuitive sentiment that your inquiry evokes within me, an impression that arises spontaneously.

It is recommended that one temporarily set aside all accumulated knowledge and experience, including life experience, work experience, and any ideas, concepts, or knowledge gained from others, society, or other sources. This is not to imply that such knowledge is inherently negative; rather, it is suggested that, at this particular juncture and within this specific frame of mind, it may prove more disruptive than constructive. It is akin to background noise, originating from external sources rather than from one's own heart.

It is irrelevant whether one is experiencing a dichotomy between the physical and the mental, a discrepancy between one's self-image and one's aspirational objectives, or a sense of being constrained by the immediacy of the present and the anticipation of the future. These challenges can be confronted directly, without resorting to simplistic categorization, emotional reactivity, hasty decision-making, or hasty judgment. Instead, it is essential to allow these concerns to emerge and dissipate in a natural manner.

As is widely acknowledged, the act of confiding in others has the capacity to facilitate self-liberation and self-healing. This can be achieved through the act of confiding in others or through the act of confiding in oneself, whether in the form of audio or text. At the very least, through this kind of confiding, the intensity of the energy will be reduced and weakened.

It is possible that a physical journey and a spiritual bath would be beneficial. It is conceivable that the experiences of these days have already indicated the optimal direction and provided a path, which a person may embark upon alone one morning.

It is recommended that you temporarily set aside your concerns regarding your husband and your future mother-in-law. Instead, it would be beneficial to focus on your own needs. This could entail engaging in activities that bring you joy, allowing yourself to fully release your concerns, and experiencing your true self. This could involve allowing yourself to think freely and act according to your own desires.

It is permissible to experience distress and confusion on a given day, provided that this is necessary for one's personal growth and development. Even if the immediate circumstances appear unchanged, this is of no consequence. It is akin to the gradual yet profound impact of time, which has shaped the course of history.

It is important to allow sufficient time for the process of self-understanding. This is not a rapid phenomenon; rather, it is an ongoing process that unfolds moment by moment. It is a lengthy journey, and it is crucial not to rush it. Instead, it is essential to proceed at a pace that is comfortable and sustainable. The metaphor of a flower blossoming and a fruit ripening can be used to illustrate this concept. Just as a flower blooms gradually, and a fruit matures and becomes golden in color, the process of self-understanding and the realization of personal freedom will also unfold over time. When the moment of fruition arrives, the experience will be unique and will naturally align with one's personal journey.

In conclusion, it can be posited that when an individual is able to remain in a state of anxiety without passing judgment on it, and when they are able to cease being influenced by the opinions of others, the authentic self will be able to reclaim its physical presence and become fully aware of its own existence. This process can lead to the resolution of any underlying issues related to parenting, and it can also result in a shift in perspective for both the individual and those around them.

Similarly, a multitude of trees may flourish in proximity to a sunken ship, despite the ship's condition.

I wish you the best and believe that the arrival of this child will also impart new knowledge and wisdom, offer unprecedented experiences, and prompt a shift in perspective, recognizing that even in challenging circumstances, there are opportunities for growth and understanding.

Dear questioner, My name is Gao Yuan, and I'm an emotional psychologist.

I really feel for the OP and I want to give them a big hug!

I'm not sure what caused this confusion about self-identity, but I'm here to help!

It's totally normal to feel confused about who you are and what you want. We all go through this! It's okay to not know what kind of person you are, what kind of person you want to be, or what kind of things you want to do.

We may have known this in the past, but as we grew up, we may have denied this past experience so often that we now don't know how to define ourselves or what we expect ourselves to become.

I know it can be tough, but confusion about self-identity is also an opportunity for identity integration.

I really think there's got to be a breakthrough here!

We may have realized that there are many things about our personality that we're not totally comfortable with. We want to know what kind of person we want to become, but we're not sure what to aim for.

Thinking and feeling alone won't get us very far. It's so much more helpful to learn from practice and improve our cognitive system!

This kind of thing happens all the time! Every day, every moment, and every small event is a chance to think about the kind of thinking system we want to form and achieve our own personality integration.

⭕ Positive sunshine to challenge!

We're going to take care of a child together!

I'd be happy to show you what it's like to be a mother! First, we'll talk about what it means to be a mother, and then we'll try it out together.

As you go along, you'll start to see what you can do better and then you can make those improvements. It's a process of repeating things over and over again.

But the great thing is that a more stable self-perception system will be formed along the way. It's like going from nothing to something, from chaos to unity.

It's like a rebirth of nirvana, a chance to reinvent yourself!

Let's grow together, discuss together, and learn together, my friends!

I'm so happy to meet you all!

Let's do this! I love you!

Good day.

From your description, I can discern feelings of inner anxiety, irritability, pain, and helplessness.

It is evident that you aspire to become a self-disciplined, goal-oriented, and accomplished individual, while also excelling in your role as a mother. However, your current daily routine is highly chaotic, and you are experiencing significant confusion. You are uncertain about your goals and capabilities. Additionally, you appear to be neglecting your child, which is causing you distress. Despite the perception of having ample free time, you are actually experiencing anxiety due to the realization that your current situation is not aligned with your aspirations. Consequently, you are seeking guidance on how to enhance your current circumstances.

I would like to offer three pieces of advice for your consideration:

My first recommendation is that you allow yourself to remain static.

"Allowing" yourself not to change does not imply a lack of willingness to adapt. Rather, it entails accepting oneself first, which is an essential step in facilitating change.

It is important to note that you are aware of the type of person you aspire to be. However, a lack of motivation may be impeding your ability to take the initial step, which is likely contributing to your anxiety. At this juncture, it may be beneficial to allow yourself the flexibility to prioritize other responsibilities, such as childcare, household tasks, or other less pressing matters, while also being mindful of your own expectations. It is essential to observe the outcomes of this approach and adjust as needed.

Allowing yourself to deviate from your current trajectory is likely to result in a shift in your behavior. This may seem counterintuitive, but it is a fundamental truth: when you free yourself from the constraints of rigid expectations, you gain the mental agility to embrace change. Otherwise, you are essentially resisting the notion of becoming the optimal version of yourself.

Therefore, the next step is to simply live your life as you see fit. This may entail staying up late or waking up late, or even taking some time to focus on your own personal growth without pressure to change.

As a next step, it would be beneficial to have a discussion with your husband or other trusted individuals, including your parents, to gain their encouragement and support.

In your description, you indicated that your husband watches TV daily after work and that you frequently desire to communicate with him, yet often lack the appropriate topics of discussion. At this juncture, you may wish to discuss with your husband the prospect of your mother-in-law providing childcare support. He is likely to offer encouragement and assistance in this regard.

For example, you can inform your husband that your mother is coming to assist with childcare and express concern that she may perceive you as lacking in initiative. You cite your difficulty with morning routines and sleep disturbances as potential sources of concern.

When you discuss this with your husband, he is likely to say, "Don't worry, my mother is easy-going, and besides, you are tired from taking care of the baby every day. He won't say anything."

I believe that when you hear this kind of thing, you are likely to have the internal motivation to become a better person because you don't want to disappoint your husband, who understands and supports you.

You may be of the opinion that your husband would never make such a statement, but that is an acceptable viewpoint. You can discuss the matter with your parents or close friends, who will likely offer encouragement and support.

I reiterate my recommendation to begin with minor alterations.

By allowing yourself to remain unchanged and receiving support from your husband or other family members and friends, you can implement changes in small, manageable steps. This is because making changes to small things is relatively straightforward.

As an example, consider implementing a consistent feeding schedule for your child. This could be as simple as ensuring that your child is fed at the same time each day, regardless of other activities. The positive reinforcement of seeing your child happy and satisfied after a meal will motivate you to become a more attentive and responsible parent. This could lead to a desire to wash your child's face, change their diaper on time, and greet them with a smile in the morning. These small changes can have a significant impact on your parenting experience.

When individuals have more positive experiences brought about by change, they are more likely to make more changes. For example, they may become more self-disciplined, then identify their interests, and then determine their goals and capabilities. In this way, they may gradually get closer to their ideal selves, and they may experience less anxiety because they have defined goals and motivation.

To summarize, if you wish to improve your current situation, first accept that change may not be immediate, then seek external support and motivation, and finally implement incremental changes. As you progress, the sense of value and accomplishment gained from these small steps will transfer to other areas, enabling you to achieve your desired outcome.

I hope this information is helpful.

Dear questioner, I appreciate your question and your willingness to seek help on the Yixinli platform. It seems that you are motivated to break free from your current situation and make positive changes in your life. Your daily reflections indicate that you are actively engaged in this process. This is a commendable approach.

It might be helpful to consider some of the questions you ask yourself and cannot answer after much thought in more depth. If you don't think, you might find yourself feeling lost; but too much thinking can sometimes prevent you from taking action. One way to start taking action could be to choose the option you find easiest from among those you have considered. Perhaps the result will give you a clearer answer.

"I don't want to get up every morning." If every day is predictable, it might be challenging to maintain interest over time. Your daily schedule is already revealed in your writing, and there doesn't seem to be much novelty. Even though there is a cute baby waiting for you, it might be difficult to find the motivation to welcome the new day.

It might be helpful to consider your life with your baby. Many mothers find that their lives are somewhat restricted from pregnancy to child-rearing, which can result in a gradual narrowing of their scope of life. Some introverted mothers may also find that they gradually lose interest in connecting with the outside world.

If this is the case, it might be helpful to consider consciously "practicing" creating a fun life after having a baby. Whether you are thinking about work, abilities, or being a person and living your life, it's important to recognize that none of it is "natural" and is all gradually developed over time.

You might consider incorporating these indecisive thoughts into your thinking about your life, your baby, and your family. With time and patience, you can gradually filter them out until you find the right ones for you.

"Sometimes I stay up late at night." If your daytime life is not the way or state you like, you may find that you use the night to compensate and relax in your own way. You may feel that you don't want the day to end, and that you are afraid of the new day coming.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to try to make your daytime life happier and more fulfilling.

Quality time with your baby is indeed very important. However, as you describe it, it seems that you may be struggling to find ways to provide quality companionship, despite your best efforts. It's understandable that your work, abilities, personality, and life circumstances may not align perfectly with your goals. But, you can choose a general direction, start with the easiest things, and gradually make improvements.

It's not uncommon for mothers to feel that having a baby makes it difficult to do things on their own. However, the arrival of a baby can also open a new window on our lives as parents. We can play with the baby and reflect on our own childhood, as well as participate in some of our adult lives, which allows the baby to experience new things. The development of the baby's brain, in particular, benefits from external colors and information. These activities can be done with the baby, with the whole family, or with other mothers and fathers.

As a mother who has been through this, I feel that the time I spent with my baby was a very special and unforgettable experience. It can be challenging to have such a long period of time in life where you can rest at home and spend time with your child.

It would be beneficial to consider how we can make the most of this time. During that period, I was fortunate to obtain my Advanced Childcare Certificate and Level 2 Counseling Certificate. We began taking short trips with our child when she was 9 months old, and longer trips when she was 3 years old, which helped to foster her understanding of the world.

As we grow and mature, our life direction and goals naturally evolve. It's not advisable to wait until our ideas are perfect before taking action. The beauty of life is in the journey, and the ability to adapt and refine our ideas as we move forward. Try incorporating something you truly enjoy into your daily routine, even if it's just for a few minutes before your baby wakes up. This could be something you've been meaning to try but haven't had the time for, or something you've always wanted to do but never had the opportunity. See how it makes you feel. It might just be the boost you need to start your day with a positive mindset.

It would be beneficial to set yourself short-, medium-, and long-term goals, and list the specific implementation steps. It is important to ensure that these goals are not too ambitious or unrealistic, as this could potentially lead to stress and a lack of motivation.

My dear, may I suggest that you consider adding a little more color to your life each day? I'm sure you'll find that doing so will help you to feel happy and blessed as a mother.

Hello, I'm Ra. Here's my answer:

You've worked hard, mommy. Many women quit their jobs to raise their children and then go back to work when their babies are about a year old. You, however, are still working and giving your maternal love a big thumbs-up!

Child-rearing is tiring. All your anxieties come from your high expectations. When you became a mother, did you feel like you had to become an all-powerful "superwoman"? Before that, you were good at looking after yourself.

Let's look at your relationship with your baby from a psychological point of view.

After a woman becomes a mother, she will go through these changes:

1. Changes in self-worth: Having a child requires a lot of energy. A mother may have been a career woman or doing other things, but all of this will be put on hold, which will greatly reduce her sense of self-worth and cause her to feel depressed.

2. Guilt about the child: Mothers breastfeed their children and are basically "inseparable" from them. As the child grows older, there will be a period of separation from the mother. The child will start to explore the outside world and may seem to be distancing themselves from the mother. This can cause feelings of guilt and anxiety.

You're determined to change. Let's work together.

First, accept the above analysis and your emotions. It's a transitional period every mother goes through. Tell yourself, "I'm great, raising this naughty child alone?"

Second, learn to wait before helping your child. When your child is crying, do you immediately go to comfort her?

This won't satisfy your child. It will also make her try harder to "control you." She will cry more when you rush to hug and feed her.

Finally, get help. Your husband and mother-in-law can help.

It's normal for him not to know how hard you have it with the kids. After all, he hasn't brought them up before. You can talk about it, and give him the opportunity to show what he can do. Give him a few tips, but don't be critical. Use your experience to agree on a few areas that need special attention, and leave the rest to the father and daughter. The value of that time is immeasurable.

If we let ourselves and others off the hook, we'll see things differently.

Greetings, host. Reading your words evokes the experience of meeting someone in person. Based on your narrative, I empathize with your situation and wish to extend a supportive gesture. I hope my advice will prove beneficial and that you and your husband can engage with it collectively.

What, then, is the essence of marriage?

In a marriage, both partners must fulfill their respective roles effectively, without engaging in role-playing games. A healthy marriage entails a profound sense of responsibility, extending not only to one's partner but also to one's own emotional well-being.

It is imperative to recognize that warmth is the fundamental aspect of marital fulfillment.

In many instances, documents serve merely as documents.

What are the reasons for the inextricable link between a good marital relationship and communication?

It can be reasonably asserted that a sense of warmth between two individuals is contingent upon the flow and connection of their emotions. Furthermore, the establishment of this emotional connection is contingent upon genuine communication between the two parties. The communication in question is not merely the exchange of daily greetings, but rather a genuine exchange of views, the stimulation of cognitive linkage emotions, and the identification of common topics through an understanding of each other's emotions.

What are the issues between you and your husband?

It is evident from your narrative that there is a lack of communication between you and your husband. It is important to recognise that a lack of communication in a marriage can result in a form of hidden cold violence that is even more damaging because those who have been hurt by it have no outlet for their complaints.

In such a relationship, even when the two individuals reside in the same household, they are unable to experience warmth, and they are more likely to experience greater disappointment and loneliness than they would if they were living alone.

Furthermore, the relationship between the two individuals in question is characterised by a pervasive sense of emotional distance and detachment, which could be perceived as a form of "cold violence".

It is imperative to recognize that when one spouse in a marriage is no longer willing to genuinely listen to the other's concerns, empathize with their experiences, and assume responsibility for their emotions, it signifies that the relationship has become a source of distress for both parties.

The responsibilities of a husband and wife are as follows:

It is essential to recognize that for a marriage to be truly happy, both partners must assume a profound sense of responsibility. This extends beyond merely supporting one another; it also encompasses the importance of nurturing one's own emotional well-being. It is not merely a matter of providing assistance in life for one's spouse; it also entails caring for their emotional state with a serious and responsible attitude.

It is commonly acknowledged that motherhood is a challenging role. Your husband's difficulties in commuting to and from work on a daily basis are also understandable.

The issue between you and your husband is communication. He returns home from work each day and watches television, and you are unsure of how to initiate a conversation or what to discuss with him. Over time, these unresolved issues contribute to a sense of imbalance in your emotional state.

In conclusion, it can be stated that a happy marriage is essentially a union in which the couple transcends the nominal bond of husband and wife, allowing for a deeper emotional connection and emotional flow within, which is the key to happiness. Only such a union will not consume each other's trust and expectations, and only such a marriage will reset the two people, giving one a more complete sense of meaning.

Ultimately, it is my hope that the advice I have provided will prove beneficial to you. I encourage you to share this advice with your husband. It is important to recognize that the process of building a family is a shared responsibility between both partners, rather than a single individual's responsibility.

Thank you so much for your question! I'm Huba, your respondent.

After reading your question, I could really feel your anxiety, unease, and worry.

1. About change.

I can see you're feeling a bit worried about your mother-in-law coming to stay with the baby. It's totally understandable! We all worry about things like that. But you know, you can change. And you can start right now.

There's no such thing as good or bad emotions, but I can sense that you're feeling worried, anxious, and uneasy, and other negative emotions. These negative emotions are born from thoughts and beliefs, and they're troubling you and preventing you from settling down.

So you want to change and grow, right? I'm here to help!

It's totally normal to feel this way! It's true that those who suffer change. You feel more painful and uncomfortable with the current situation, right?

2. About our anxieties.

I can totally relate to feeling anxious when you're at home with your little one, but having a lot of free time on your hands. I've been there! How can you make the most of this time?

What do you want to do? What can you do? What kind of life do you want to live? What kind of person do you want to be?

"Every day I wake up and don't want to get up, and sometimes I stay up late at night, thinking about these questions, but I can't figure it out."

Take a moment to tune in to your own feelings. Can you feel your anxiety? What's underneath this overwhelming feeling?

I'd love to help you find the root of your anxiety.

We can try to let go of that critical mind of ours that judges right and wrong and just feel it all. You know, when those core emotions arrive, they'll automatically leave.

And at this time, we can usually more clearly understand what is going on with us and what we want. A really good way to do this is to keep an emotional diary, so that emotions can flow through our bodies and out, rather than being trapped inside.

3. It's about struggling to find peace in the present moment.

It's about the ideal self, who gets up early, has a good breakfast, is ready to welcome their daughter when she wakes up, says good morning to her, washes her face, changes her diaper, feeds her, and then plays with her. But now I don't want to get up, and sometimes I have to get up when she cries and screams. I can't provide quality companionship when I'm distracted.

Sometimes at the end of the day, I just sit there next to her, as if I had nothing better to do. But I'm really just feeling a bit anxious, you know?

"In this part,

It seems like you have two different selves: an ideal self and a real self. It's totally normal to have these two sides to your personality! But it can be hard to focus and feel at ease with the parenting activities of the moment when your ideal self and your real self aren't integrated.

I would even go as far as to say that this is totally normal! Nobody's perfect, and that's okay!

And we can't be perfect 365 days a year, that's just not realistic! What we need to do is allow ourselves to be imperfect mothers, to be 60-point mothers, that is, just good enough mothers.

So, when you feel that emotion of guilt, you can tell yourself, "I've done enough well." Then, you can let go of that guilt.

And when we can accept ourselves as we are, just good enough, change will naturally happen.

I really hope these answers help you out. I love you, and so does the world.

I get the feeling you're in a bit of a rut. You have this ideal version of your life in your heart, but in reality, you don't want to live according to this state of life. You feel like something is wrong, but you're not sure how to change it, which makes you feel restless and uneasy.

I'd love to offer you some advice!

First, take a good, honest look at your current state of life. Tell yourself, "This is my real life right now, and I have chosen it."

Second, it's important to remember that the life you've imagined is just a product of your imagination. We all tend to focus on the good aspects of a situation, but it's also helpful to acknowledge the challenges.

Third, it's important to realize that just knowing you want a certain kind of life isn't enough. You have to be willing to achieve it! This can mean that you're either content with your current life or not confident in the life you want. It's okay if you don't think you can do something — it just means you haven't tried hard enough yet!

Fourth, try lowering your expectations of yourself. There aren't as many "shoulds" in life as there are possibilities based on our current state and what we can do. We don't have to do the work that makes us feel fulfilled, but we have to do what we can do at the moment.

Fifth, let go of your pride. We all feel it from time to time! Feeling pride in what you do and shame in what you don't do is actually our greatest enemy. This is similar to the previous one. Don't feel pride in what you do, but see what we can do.

Sixth, remember that you don't have to count on others, even if that person is your parents, husband, or children. While others can be a great help in solving life problems, they may not be able to help you with career issues.

Seventh, it's time to figure out what you want! I know you're not totally clear on this issue from your description, but I have a little test that can help you figure it out.

Test method: Take your time and look closely.

I'm going to ask you a question. When you see this question, don't think about the answer, but instead, a picture will naturally come to mind. Please describe this picture to me.

I'd love to know what your most comfortable lifestyle is!

Just go with it! Don't overthink it. Tell me the picture that comes to mind naturally. If you think about it too much, it might not be as accurate.

Good morning. My name is Huang Xiaolu.

Raising a child is a demanding task that requires significant physical, mental, and emotional resources. This is particularly true for infants, who require consistent care and attention, even during periods of sleep.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether the infant has defecated and whether she is experiencing hunger.

A mother often dedicates her entire energy and time to her child, which can result in a lack of self-care. When she has some free time, she may feel as if her energy has been depleted, leading her to desire rest and relaxation.

Although there is a rationale for this state of exhaustion, if it persists for an extended period, it necessitates intervention. If we persist in depleting our mental energy, we will increasingly lose the capacity to act effectively.

In point of fact, the host has considerable positive energy and has made considerable efforts. He also has specific objectives with regard to his work and future, although he has not yet identified them.

We will now examine the support available to the landlord.

1. A robust financial foundation. The proprietor has been unemployed for a period exceeding two years, during which she also gave birth to a child and accompanied her child's growth until the age of eight months. This indicates that the proprietor's small family still has a favorable income, there are no financial difficulties, and the proprietor can concentrate on caring for the child and planning her own affairs without significant pressure from income.

2. I have high expectations of life and am very meticulous. My ideal self would wake up early, have a good breakfast, be ready to greet my daughter when she wakes up, say good morning to her, wash her face and change her diaper, feed her, and then engage in play with her.

"For the time being, it is not feasible to accomplish all of the tasks simultaneously. Therefore, the objective is to make incremental progress on a daily basis, with the aim of ultimately achieving the desired outcome.

3. It is important to be aware of the characteristics of high-quality companionship. While it may not be feasible to provide this consistently, it is possible to remain present and attentive to your child's needs.

4. One's spouse is a constant presence in one's life. Despite the fact that they may engage in leisure activities upon returning home, they are amenable to communication if one is inclined to engage in it.

5. It is likely that you will have some personal time in the near future. The anticipated visit from your mother-in-law provides an opportunity for you to set aside time for your own pursuits, whether that be personal growth, job-seeking activities, or simply leaving the house to go shopping.

Given the gradual implementation of several key conditions, it is now appropriate to direct attention to one's own needs. It is important to note that with each day that is invested with dedication and commitment, improvement will occur.

In order to gain clarity on one's aspirations, capabilities, and potential avenues for achieving them, it is essential to find a conducive environment, such as a quiet space, and engage in a thoughtful reflection.

1. Identify a career path that aligns with your interests and record them in a written format.

2. Industry Prospects: It is essential to gain a comprehensive understanding of the industry situation and identify promising industries and positions.

3. A thorough examination of one's own strengths and weaknesses is essential. What are the strengths and weaknesses inherent to these positions, and how can they be addressed?

4. Identify sources of support, including individuals with career resources and those capable of providing guidance on analyzing one's current situation.

5. It is recommended that you begin to prioritize your own needs. This may entail identifying your own unique lifestyle, pursuing activities that bring you joy, establishing your own organizational structure, engaging in conversations with individuals who share similar interests, and ultimately, recognizing the inner strength that resides within you.

I would like to express my gratitude to those who have read this text and found it to be beneficial. Should you have found this text useful, I kindly request that you click the "useful" button.

We cordially invite you to follow the WeChat public account of Yi Psychology: Huang Xiaolu.

Hello, question owner! It's a pleasure meeting you.

[Experiencing a sense of restlessness, but also a feeling of excitement]

From the questioner's description, you can probably get a glimpse of the internal pressure on modern young and middle-aged people: what do you want to do, what can you do, what kind of life do you want to live, what kind of person do you want to be? And it's a great thing that you're asking these questions!

You feel like if you don't work hard, be self-disciplined, and plan your life well now, you'll be left behind by life—and you're ready to take on that challenge!

In theory, there's absolutely nothing wrong with this! Effort and reward always have a positive relationship, and the direction of effort is always correct.

But more often than not, this only increases our anxiety: being inward-looking emphasizes winning and losing, and you can't afford to make a single mistake. But guess what? Life is flexible and requires you to keep trying and making mistakes!

Another great point is that there is no right or wrong in many things, and it's totally okay to make mistakes! Many people realize through constant practice that the way they work best is not the same as everyone else's, and even geniuses are no exception.

The inner volume needs to see its significance, and it's time to embrace that it does not fit the logic of life.

The fact that you're now able to ask these questions shows that you're a person who is demanding of yourself in a good way! You hope to find a job that interests you and you don't want to do work that is harmful to your health. This can be understood, and it's great that you're thinking about these things!

It's been eight months since you got pregnant and gave birth, and you still haven't found a direction for yourself. That's okay! It's only natural to feel a little confused at this stage. Have you been planning and implementing your ideal version of yourself? If not, don't worry! There's still time. Instead, you're worn out and burdened by the trivial matters of life and your worries.

But I think this stage is mainly about your own inner conflict with reality, which makes you feel powerless. You don't have as strong a willpower as you think you do, and at the same time, you become inwardly withdrawn and worried about the future. But don't worry! This is totally normal. It's just a phase. You'll get through it.

This is a great way to shift your focus from the here and now to the future! When you're thinking about what's to come, it naturally slows down the time you have in the present.

Each stage has its own pace, and now that your baby is older, it's a whole new ballgame! If you want to pursue your own life and personal value, you can absolutely learn new things, find some online knowledge, or even take on part-time jobs with technical skills.

Taking action is the best way to ease your worries! It's the only way to feel calm.

At the same time, you should also understand yourself. Taking care of children is really a very energy-intensive thing, and it is only natural to feel tired and not want to get up early. But there is no need to always attack yourself for this!

You can absolutely avoid filling your schedule too full and not give yourself any time to breathe! This is not a work situation, so you don't need to push yourself too hard.

Write down three things you need to do every day, whether it's spending time with your baby or cooking a nice meal for your family. You've got this!

Set lower expectations for yourself, arrange your own time, and control the rest of your time (if you want to find a job, setting aside an hour a day is enough). You can do this!

If you want to seek help from your husband, you can talk to him about your feelings, the impact of trivial matters in life on you, and your confusion and disorientation about your current life. Start with the emotion that you are most energetic in, and open the door for yourself and your family to solve problems and see the essence. It's a great idea!

Wishing you all the best!

I'm Yushu, a little mushroom with big dreams! I'm on a mission to make the world a gentler place and I'm embracing the opportunity to grow recklessly along the way.

1. You ask a great question!

I can tell you're feeling anxious and confused. You're not happy with the way things are, but you're not sure what to do. It seems like you're not really invested in your family, your children, or even yourself.

1. The French psychologist Comte summed up six things he'd noticed through his research.

It's totally normal to have some struggles when you're entering the real world and facing the challenges of making a living in a society that's different from what you imagined. It's a time when you're trying to balance your ideals with the reality of the situation. You might find yourself torn between what you want and what you think you should do. It's okay to feel conflicted! It's all part of the journey to figuring out what's best for you.

But if you keep getting stuck in this conflict, it will really take a lot of your energy.

As you mentioned, after resigning for two years, you're still trying to figure out what you want to do, what you can do, what kind of life you want to lead, and what kind of person you want to be. I can see how this has affected your choice.

Luckily, you got pregnant and gave birth, which gave you a little break from this unresolved issue. But as your child grew up and your mother-in-law came to take care of the child, your unresolved issue was back on the agenda. You couldn't delay it anymore, and you didn't know what to do, so you became very anxious. It seemed that your ability to take care of your child was also affected.

I can see you're going through a lot right now. It's totally normal to have these kinds of thoughts and feelings when you're facing new challenges. It's like you're trying to balance a tightrope, and it's hard to keep your footing.

2. There are only three things in life, my friend.

Life is full of things and choices, and if you think about them in a certain way, you'll see that there are rules to follow. In fact, life is about dealing with three types of things: first, the things you have to do; second, the things you like to do; and third, the things you should do.

I know it can be tough to fit everything into your day, but I've found that it really helps to arrange these three types of things in this order: do the necessary things first, then the things you like to do, and finally the things you should do. You'll be amazed at how much more organized you'll feel!

First, make sure you're taking care of the essentials, like your career and work. If you're not, it can really affect your sense of self-worth and your ability to live a full life. For instance, if your husband just watches TV when he gets home from work, that might not be the best use of his time.

First, do the things you need to do to take care of yourself and your family. This includes your career and work. If you don't do these things, it can feel like you have no income and no sense of self-worth. Over time, this can start to affect your life and sense of dignity. For example, when your husband comes home from work and immediately turns on the TV, is he expressing his dissatisfaction with you?

It's so important for both men and women to be financially independent. If you're the sole breadwinner for a long time, it can really take a toll on you. It's also hard to stay connected to society when you're constantly on the go. I can relate to feeling like you don't know what to say to your husband. It's natural to feel like you've run out of things to talk about.

It's also super important to take care of the little ones! Raising children is a huge responsibility, so try to take care of them yourself before they turn three and spend more time with them before they turn six. When dad goes out to work, he should often talk about his work and how difficult it is in front of the kids, so they have a good impression of their dad!

It's also super important to take care of the little ones! Raising children is such a big deal. Try to take care of them yourself before they turn three, and spend more time with them before they turn six. When the dad goes to work, he often talks about his work and how hard it is in front of the kids, which gives them a great impression of their dad!

Once your little one turns three, it's a great idea to start giving your child a little more space while letting the dad spend more time with them. These are all really important for your child's growth, and even if you don't go out to work, these are things that will benefit your child for a lifetime.

There's no such thing as a perfect career, and that's okay! If your financial situation doesn't allow you to be picky, it's still important to prioritize supporting your family and raising your children. Working together and supporting each other will also help strengthen your relationship. No matter what kind of work you do, as long as you're doing it well, you're doing a great job!

2. You like doing it, but you work to support your family, and you may not like the work that much. We all have to work to support our families, but it's so important to find ways to nourish ourselves too! Think about your hobbies. What do you enjoy doing? It could be anything, from reading, to cooking, to going for a walk. Whatever it is, it'll give you a chance to relax and recharge your batteries.

Second, you like doing things, but you work to support your family, and this work may not be something you really enjoy. We totally get it! There's a lot of energy that goes into supporting your family, and it can be easy to feel depleted. But don't worry, there's something you can do about it! You can nourish your heart by finding some hobbies to cheer you up. Think of it like adding fuel to an empty car so that it can continue running. So it is best to have some hobbies of your own outside of work.

For example, some women like to clean and tidy up on Sundays, and they feel really good when their home is neat and tidy. Some people like to read and write, some like to sing and dance, and some engage in live streaming and selling goods.

You can definitely figure it out! Take some time to think about what makes your heart sing.

3. Don't forget to do the things you should do last. These are the things that are important to other people, like being polite and courteous, being filial to your parents, and lending a helping hand to friends in need. There's no end to these things! You can find some important and urgent things to do, and do them when you have time.

3. Don't worry about doing everything right away. There's no need to stress about everything on your to-do list. Just focus on the things that should be done, like being kind and respectful to others, being a good daughter or son, and lending a helping hand to friends in need. There's no limit to how much you can do. Just find some things that are important and urgent to do, and do more when you have time. You can always stop when you don't have any more time.

There are so many things to do, it's impossible to do them all! So, just do some of them.

3. Take care of your relationship with your husband.

Your husband is a very important person for you, and his thoughts also influence your choices and behaviors. You often want to communicate with him, but often don't know what to say, as if he can't help you either. You two are newlyweds, and your child is only 8 months old, so there must be a lot to communicate about! It's totally normal to feel this way, especially with a new baby. It just shows that communication is not as smooth as it could be.

It would be really lovely if you could try to be more attentive. For example, you could ask your husband how his day at work was. You could also have a little chat about your baby's progress. You could talk about things like when they can say "mama" or "dada," or when they have lost their teeth or grown taller and fatter.

You can also chat about your plans, ideas, and concerns, and what you'd love some help with.

Take care of your relationship with your husband, love and raise your baby together, and create a lovely family environment.

4. Take action!

It's totally okay to fail or do a bad job! The important thing is that you start doing it. You'll gain so much experience just from trying. Nobody's perfect at the beginning, and that's totally fine. Don't be afraid to make mistakes or do a bad job. People will respect you for working hard and being down-to-earth.

Hello, I am the one who responds to questions and offers kind words to others, and my hands are left with a sweet fragrance.

From what you've shared, I can appreciate the challenges you're facing as a mother.

In the book Primary Questions, debater Ma Weiwei offers a thought-provoking perspective on anxiety: "The only way to not be anxious is to understand anxiety."

It may be challenging to imagine a world where anxiety is absent. Even when we gain a deeper understanding of anxiety, it can still persist. It seems that anxiety is a pervasive phenomenon in our society today.

From the moment we are born, we are faced with the anxiety of "not losing at the starting line." As we progress through our education, we experience "anxiety about further education." After graduation, we encounter "employment anxiety," as thousands of people compete for a job. Once we finally secure employment, in addition to purchasing a house to support our family, we also have to navigate the anxiety of unemployment. In other words, anxiety is a common phenomenon at various stages of our lives.

Could I ask what you think might be the cause of your anxiety?

If I may, I would like to suggest that perhaps you are experiencing a situation that is similar to what I have described.

I often find myself thinking over and over again about "what do you want to do, what can you do, what kind of life do you want to live, what kind of person do you want to be?" but I'm not sure how to move forward.

Ideally, I would get up early, have a good breakfast, be ready to welcome my daughter when she wakes up, say good morning to her, wash her face and change her diaper, feed her, and then play with her. However, I currently find it challenging to get up at that time, and sometimes I have to get up when she cries, which makes it difficult for me to provide quality companionship when I'm distracted.

I feel a certain degree of guilt. There are times when I find myself sitting next to her all day, as if I had nothing better to do, but I'm actually quite anxious.

My husband gets up early every day to go to work, and when he comes home from work, he often watches TV. I often feel the need to communicate with him, but I often feel unsure of what to say, and it seems that he is not always able to help me either.

I am a little concerned that my mother-in-law is preparing to come over and take care of the baby, and I wonder if I will still be in this daze when I face her.

From what you've shared, it seems like you have a clear understanding of your priorities and a desire to make changes. That's an excellent place to start. How might you approach transforming yourself into the person you aspire to be?

If I might offer my thoughts on the matter, I believe that…

I sense that you have a tendency to be self-critical and that you have a strong sense of discipline. It seems that you find it challenging to accept your current state of life.

It might be helpful to consider that anxiety and excessive thinking can actually make things more difficult. It could be beneficial to adjust your mindset first and accept yourself, embracing both your positive and negative qualities and allowing yourself the flexibility to be "muddled" to a certain extent. You might find it helpful to view this period as a time for physical and mental relaxation.

While there is no fixed model for motherhood, it is similar in some ways. Taking care of a child is different from working, and it is more flexible and informal.

You might find that acting according to your ideal self will make you happy if you achieve it little by little every day. Over time, you may find that you naturally become closer to the model you want.

It's okay if things don't go according to plan. You are you, and for your baby, it's a wonderful thing to have their mother by their side. When it comes to high quality, there is no standard.

It would be helpful to understand what skills an 8-month-old baby typically has at this stage, and how you can interact and nurture them in a way that is developmentally appropriate. You might find it useful to search for some information and apply it as you see fit. You could also consider taking your baby downstairs for regular outdoor walks. When you interact with your baby physically, it can help to make the world more concrete, which can contribute to feelings of fulfillment and happiness.

It might be helpful to consider taking the initiative to communicate with your husband and express your needs. You may also find it beneficial to return to and expand your social circle. Your usual friends and relatives, as well as your new neighbors, could provide a valuable source of emotional support, potentially offering a stronger sense of connection than your husband alone.

If the mother-in-law is coming to help with the baby, have you already thought about how you will manage? If you don't have to take care of the baby yourself in the future, you will have more time to focus on other things. It might be helpful to have a preliminary plan, such as going to work or studying, and then create a more specific and feasible plan. You could mark each time you complete it, and you might find that you are not as bad as you think, day by day, and that you are always growing.

I am a licensed psychological counselor.

After a comprehensive review of the provided description, it is evident that the subject is experiencing a profound sense of inner anxiety. This anxiety appears to emanate from a fundamental discrepancy between the subject's personal ideals and the prevailing circumstances of their reality.

On the one hand, the realistic self acknowledges that there are times when one does not want to get up in the morning. There are also instances when one is compelled to get up when their child is crying because they are tired. In such cases, it is challenging to provide quality companionship when one is distracted. This can lead to feelings of guilt. There are also occasions when one simply sits next to their child all day, as if they have no better use of their time. On the other hand, the ideal self is someone who gets up early, has a good breakfast, is ready to welcome their child when they wake up, says good morning to them, washes their face and changes their diaper, feeds them, and then plays with them.

I am somewhat curious. From a logical standpoint, it should not be particularly challenging to attain this ideal you have set for yourself. However, you have been unable to do so. I am curious as to why this is the case. I hypothesize that you may have more ambitious expectations that you are unable to fulfill. Alternatively, more specifically, you lack the motivation to attend to your immediate needs.

Secondly, it appears that your husband is unable to comprehend your current state of anxiety and is therefore unable to provide the necessary assistance and support. In addition to the anxiety you are experiencing, you also feel disappointed, not only with yourself, but also with him.

However, it can be inferred from your statements that you frequently desire to communicate, yet you perceive that he is incapable of providing assistance. What you are essentially conveying is that you have not genuinely engaged in communication with the other individual, but rather, you anticipate that your message will not be comprehended or supported, which subsequently leads to your reluctance to communicate. Is this an accurate interpretation?

The term "expectation bias" is used in psychology to describe the phenomenon of anticipating negative outcomes and creating obstacles for oneself before taking action. These automatic thoughts or beliefs may not always be conscious.

It is unclear whether you share this sentiment.

In conclusion, you stated that your mother-in-law is coming to assist with childcare, and you expressed concern about maintaining your current state of mind. You believe that you should possess a transformed self to navigate the world, is that accurate? Why do you hold such a critical view of yourself?

I consider these two sentences of yours to be quite effective: "Ask yourself what you want and what you can do." Are you attempting to achieve a balance between your desired outcome and your available resources?

It is my hope that the aforementioned response will provide some insight. Best wishes,