The husband frequently chats with his female colleague in a slightly ambiguous manner.

Hello, question asker!

First of all, I want to congratulate you on becoming a mother-to-be. It is crucial that we ensure the happiness of both the baby and you, the mother-to-be!

Pregnancy is a special time for us women. Our bodies undergo changes due to the presence of the baby, and our psychology will also change. There may be things we normally don't care about, and our mood may change a lot. This is normal. Anything can happen during pregnancy, and we can control it.

I say this because I have read your question, your description, and your interactions with the other respondents. You are a very wise and capable person. With your abilities, I am certain you will be able to manage this problem.

From what you've told me and from your feedback, it's clear to me that your husband is a very kind and capable person. That's what attracted you to him in the first place. You two should appreciate each other's abilities and be together because of that!

Your relationship is built on a solid foundation. You have enjoyed a happy period together.

We know that marriage is not always sweet and happy, and we always have to work things out. Otherwise, there would be no seven-year itch. The arrival of your baby has accelerated the process of you working things out. I am certain that once you get past this stage, you will be even more in love with each other after having a baby.

You're looking for a breakthrough. You need to decide whether to divorce or not. Even the best couples think about divorce hundreds of times, so it's normal that you have these thoughts. Our brains are lazy, but you can't let that stop you.

You can get what you want in one step. Just leave, and you won't have to deal with it anymore.

But at that time, it was just a moment of simple-mindedness. As capable and intelligent people, we immediately recognized the irrationality of the thought and reaffirmed our commitment to stay together. There were so many reasons not to leave, reasons that were in our hearts. He is a good husband and father of our children. Because of these events, which cannot be said to be big, not to mention the fact that they are not necessarily entirely someone else's fault, and it is also possible to be paranoid during pregnancy! I just think, if it wasn't during pregnancy, we were also fighting and killing outside, where could we take care of her little thoughts?

The pregnancy may lead to an increase in communication between the father and other women. However, I am not suggesting that the father will remain passive. You must decide how involved he will be. I believe the child is pure and kind. Without boundaries, he would not tolerate cheating.

From my perspective, her kindness prompts him to respond to questions promptly. As a manager, he can't afford to disappoint his employees and wants to make a good impression. I'm confident that as a good husband and father, he won't cheat on you.

I also saw what you said about what he did when you lost your temper, so I'm convinced that he really shouldn't be able to cross the line. It's time for you to take control. Focus on the children and mobilize her to work with you for the children's future. Start planning now. Involve him in the children's future family life.

In that case, Dad will undoubtedly be busier and have less free time for his employees. Of course, apart from this method, we can also learn to find ways to communicate with him, so that he can set his own boundaries. For the future of your family, you both need to change and adapt to each other, and that would be even better.

You two should find a professional counselor together if your finances allow. This will help guarantee the happiness of your little family.

You and the baby are doing great, and so is your husband and child's father. Keep up the good work! You've got this!

From the comments, it seems that the original poster is feeling depressed and distressed because her husband no longer shares his feelings and state of mind with her as he used to. It also seems that he chats with female colleagues frequently and in a slightly ambiguous manner.

Dealing with your husband's changes during pregnancy can be challenging. I hope the following sharing provides some helpful ideas and perspectives on how to navigate this situation:

It would be beneficial to take good care of yourself, especially when you feel depressed.

It seems that the original poster's mood was affected by her husband's interactions with his colleagues. It may also be the case that the level of physiological hormones during pregnancy is inherently less stable, which could affect one's emotional state.

It would be advisable to take care of yourself before dealing with this challenging issue with your husband.

For instance, it might be helpful to avoid going without food or sleep simply because you are upset with your husband. If you do so, it may not only exacerbate the conflict with your husband, but it could also potentially disrupt your body's natural functions.

It is important to remember that the body and mind are connected, and this connection is especially strong now that you have a new baby.

It would be beneficial to maintain a relatively stable routine. When you feel depressed, doing things that make you happy will help you better cope with the difficulties in communicating and getting along with your husband.

2. It might be helpful to start by listening when communicating with your husband.

From what I can see, you and your husband have had a relatively good relationship for some time. This suggests that you have a solid emotional foundation for each other.

I believe that in this regard, you may have some insights that could be helpful in improving communication with your husband.

I believe that your genuine concern for your husband and your relationship may be a contributing factor to the current communication difficulties. As the saying goes, "Concerned people make trouble."

It's possible that when you show displeasure at the fact that he was chatting with his female colleague, he may also sensitively pick up on your dissatisfaction and suspicion about his interaction with the female colleague. This could result in him putting on his armor first to defend against whatever you may show.

It might be helpful to consider that the best way to let down your guard is to show the love and care you have for him despite your suspicions.

It would be helpful to listen to understand the intentions behind what he does. From your interactions with other respondents, it can also be seen that your husband is a kind, good-natured, and warm-hearted man with positive values.

It would be reasonable to assume that such a man would also care a great deal about reciprocating the kindness shown by others.

By listening to his needs and expressing your concern for him, you can help yourself come up with more strategies for resolving problems together after disagreements.

I hope this sharing can be a source of inspiration for you.

I am a psychologist who does not explore human nature, but only cares for the human heart. I hope you will accept my blessings.

Good day!

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is one of the most valuable gifts the body can receive.

From your description, I can sense that you may be experiencing a range of challenging emotions, including feelings of depression, discomfort, dissatisfaction, confusion, pain, and a sense of being overwhelmed.

It seems that you are somewhat troubled by your husband's frequent conversations with his female colleague, which might be perceived as slightly flirtatious. Without going into too much detail, I would like to offer three pieces of advice that I hope you will find helpful.

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to try to accept your situation.

I believe that doing so may help you feel slightly more relaxed, which could then assist you in thinking about what you might do next.

You mentioned that you have had a vague feeling that there is something wrong with your husband since August 2021. This is because you found that he is different from before and is not willing to share his feelings and state of mind with you. Then, during the New Year's holiday in 2022, you went on a trip and accidentally found him chatting with a female colleague. Later, in February, you went on a business trip and found through the home camera that he was in contact with that girl on the phone, and he was comforting her. Later, the most frequent contact between them was during the quarantine at home due to the epidemic in Shanghai. This incident now makes you feel particularly depressed, and you are pregnant and want to find a breakthrough. It is understandable that you are feeling this way, because the vast majority of women will be just like you. They will pay special attention to whether their husbands are chatting with other girls, even if they are female colleagues. Love is exclusive, and everyone wants to be the most important and special person in their husband's heart. Not to mention that you are also pregnant, and due to hormonal changes in your body, your emotions are more likely to fluctuate. This is especially the case because you are eager for your husband's company and attention. So you have to try to accept your own state. This will allow you to "see" that depressed, but temporarily confused self who doesn't know how to vent.

It is also important to allow yourself to try to accept your current situation, as this will make it possible to promote change in the status quo. While this may sound contradictory, it is in fact the case because change is based on allowing for no change.

If I might make a further suggestion, it would be to view your own state in a rational manner.

It may be helpful to consider that rational thinking can assist in developing a deeper understanding of oneself and of reality.

To gain a more objective perspective on the situation, it would be helpful to consider the following two points:

It's possible that your husband is simply chatting with his female colleague.

Given that you only used the word "slightly ambiguous" to describe it, it seems that you may also be aware that they may have just moved a little closer and that there will be no other substantial problems. This kind of judgment is very important.

You mentioned later that you feel particularly depressed when you think about it and that you want to find a breakthrough. However, you seem to have encountered a bit of a roadblock, unsure of whether to pursue divorce or not. I can understand that what you said about "divorce" was just talk or an expression of dissatisfaction in your heart, rather than a definitive decision. It's natural to still have feelings for your husband and to experience some level of affection towards him.

Furthermore, you mentioned in your description that during your business trips, including your travels, you saw your husband contact that girl. Perhaps it would be helpful to consider this: if they really had a problem, would your husband let you see them contact? You were away on business, and he could have found a place where the camera couldn't see him to chat with that girl, right?

Additionally, during the pandemic, they have been in frequent contact. It is also possible that the general environment has caused it. Everyone is under a lot of pressure, and they are comforting each other by complaining about each other to relieve their respective anxieties and concerns. Moreover, he also spoke in a low voice on the phone, considering your feelings and worried about affecting you. It would be understandable if he didn't care about you, but it seems like he does.

Could I suggest that perhaps that is the case?

Secondly, it is important to recognise that the status quo can be altered if one is willing to make changes.

When you take the initiative to change your own state of mind, it will naturally affect the state of your relationship, as there is always a mutual influence between husband and wife.

You may be wondering, "It's his problem, so why should I be the one to change?" Or, "What if I change, but he doesn't?"

It's understandable to have these thoughts, but I believe it's important to consider that making changes in your own life might offer a way to explore new possibilities for your relationship.

In a relationship, it is often the case that the person who is suffering more will be the first to change. Your decision to seek help indicates that you are currently experiencing more suffering than your partner, which may make it easier for you to initiate change.

I would like to suggest that you focus on yourself and think about what you can do to feel better.

Once you understand that the current situation can be changed, you may wish to consider taking the initiative. Perhaps you could start by communicating with him sincerely, telling him your true feelings. You might like to tell him that you would appreciate it if he didn't chat with female colleagues frequently, and that you would like him to chat with you more often and spend more time with you. You could also mention that you would really appreciate his company and love during your pregnancy.

However, when communicating with him, it might be helpful to consider the approach and method, try to put yourself in his shoes, learn to think from his perspective, and use the word "I" more often to talk about your feelings. It might be beneficial to avoid or minimize the use of the word "you," as it could make him feel rejected and blamed, which might not be conducive to communication between you.

After you communicate with him so honestly, you may find that your pent-up emotions will be "expressed," which could help you feel better. Furthermore, this in-depth communication between you may enhance your mutual understanding, which could strengthen your relationship.

Apart from communication, you might also consider creating more moments with him, including chatting with him about the baby. It's possible that he would be willing to share with you, which might also help to bring you closer.

You might also consider talking to other trusted family members and friends about your feelings, as this can often help to make you feel better. Once negative emotions start flowing, they can sometimes have a healing effect. They may also help you to judge your husband's actions and, in some cases, you may find that they tell you that you are overreacting, which can also make you feel better.

Of course, if you communicate with him in depth, take the initiative to share your feelings with him many times, and do it calmly and communicate well, but he still does the same thing, always chatting with that girl, rarely caring about you, and he doesn't show the care and love he should during your pregnancy, you may want to consider whether this relationship is still worth maintaining. I don't think you will be too entangled at that time, because you have already invested in this relationship and tried hard.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. If you would like to discuss this further, you are welcome to click on "Find a coach for an online conversation" at the bottom, and I would be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.