The mother-in-law is very strong and unreasonable. She pretends to be pitiful and aggrieved in front of her husband and cries?

Hello!

Host:

Hi, I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I've read your post and I can really feel the conflict in your relationship with your mother-in-law.

I just wanted to say that I've noticed you've been really brave in sharing how you're feeling and asking for help. I'm sure this will help you to understand the nature of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law better and make some positive changes.

I'd love to share some of my thoughts from reading the post, as I think they might help you to view the situation from a more diverse perspective.

1. The nature of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a triangular relationship.

From what the host said in the post, it seems like my mother-in-law is always stirring up trouble. It's understandable that she's afraid that my husband and I will not quarrel, but it's also clear that she only cares about her position. It's sad that she doesn't consider the feelings of her son and daughter-in-law. It's hard for her to see her husband being nice to me, so she always pretends to be aggrieved and pitiful in front of her son and starts crying. She's so good at it that she can cry at will! I can see that the host has a difficult time in the relationship with her mother-in-law.

I'd also love to chat with you about the nature of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It's a triangular relationship.

I think the original poster also senses that the mother-in-law seems to be competing with you for your husband, or to put it more nicely, for his love. That's why I said the essence of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a triangular relationship.

It can be tough when there's a difference of opinion between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

From what I can see in the post, it seems like the author's mother-in-law is really good at using "vulnerability control" to manipulate your husband in this way. It's so sad to see that your husband is completely helpless in the face of this. I can understand why the author might feel like her husband doesn't care about her anymore.

2. It might be helpful to try to establish some boundaries.

It looks like the host and his wife are living with his mother-in-law, which can be a tricky situation. Many psychological counselors say that if possible, it's best to live separately.

Sometimes, it's really lovely to maintain a certain distance. Of course, if there are no conditions, we may have to work on ourselves in more ways.

It's true that relationships can be tricky! It takes a little wisdom to navigate them successfully. And it's important to remember that every relationship needs certain boundaries.

So, what is a boundary? It's simply about being clear about what we want and don't want.

It's so important to be clear with each other about what we can and can't accept.

This actually has a bit of a game-like flavor, which can be fun!

We can also gently but firmly guard our boundaries, if that would help. Perhaps we can work on communication in this area together?

If you're interested, I'd love to share some insights on nonviolent communication with you!

3. Learn and grow as a person!

It's been observed that the host mentioned how to treat her, and I think this is really a tough one. If it's not handled well, there might be more conflicts.

This is something that can't really be answered by just answering a question. Maybe it would be helpful for the host to take some psychology courses, as well as some courses on mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships.

You could also try books and other resources that might help you gain more wisdom and a broader perspective on the issue. It's always a good idea to use a wiser approach to resolve things more harmoniously.

If you have the means, you can also seek the help of professional psychological counselors, who can guide you through any professional issues you may have.

I really hope these will be helpful and inspiring for you!

After reading your confession, I feel your helplessness. As the old saying goes, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have been natural enemies since ancient times. You're both competing for the same person's attention, so it seems like you're constantly at odds. But from what I can tell, you're happy with your husband and you're living together, so you haven't reached the point of divorce, right?

Your mother-in-law has always been concerned about her status. She's worried that her son will forget about her when he gets a daughter-in-law. You can encourage your husband to show your mother-in-law some kindness, so that she feels respected and perhaps she'll act differently.

If you can't act like her, you can try showing more concern for her. Some people don't like being treated well, so treat them better and they'll treat you better in return. People are all made of flesh and blood, so just switch tactics if one doesn't work!

You can also call her more often and praise her more when nothing is wrong. You can say that your husband is the one praising her in front of you, so that she can secretly be happy that your husband is defending his mother in front of you.

"Finally, having children is something you and your husband should discuss together. To be honest, if my husband really cared about me, he wouldn't let his mother be so arrogant and domineering." This way of thinking is not advisable. Men generally don't want to offend their mothers-in-law. If you think badly of your husband, a lot of your communication will not go smoothly.

My advice is to show her some love and affection, and then use that to your advantage when it comes to your mother-in-law. The above is just a general suggestion, but I hope it helps!

Hello, host!

It's no secret that the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be challenging.

I can really relate to how the host is feeling about her relationship with her mother-in-law.

I really understand what you're going through.

I've also had a rough time with my mother-in-law.

I think things are looking up for the original poster, and I believe they'll be able to get through this.

It's just that the immediate challenges you're facing make it difficult to see the bigger picture and find a way forward.

If you know what you want, you might be able to get along better with your mother-in-law.

If you can do the following, it might help to ease some of the issues between your mother-in-law and you.

1. Love the house and its people.

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law often stems from a man.

Since this man is the one who brought you and his wife together,

As it happens, you have the same goals.

You're together because you love this man.

That's why there's a saying: love the house and the crow.

If you really love him, you'll love the people who are important to him.

That is, the mother-in-law will also accept the daughter-in-law.

It's also important for the daughter-in-law to accept the mother-in-law.

This kind of relationship is the ideal scenario.

Ideals are always so beautiful, but reality is often cruel.

In the face of harsh reality, it's best to accept things as they are.

They don't let themselves get upset.

2. Empathy

Everyone has feelings. Treat me with respect, and I'll treat you the same way.

How you treat your mother-in-law can have a big impact.

It might help to reduce friction.

3. Becoming a person with strong insensitivity

What is insensitivity? It's how you react and respond to things that happen to you.

What are the hallmarks of someone with a robust sense of insensitivity?

1. Learn to let go of the negative.

2. Know what kind of relationship you want.

3. Don't sweat the small stuff.

4. Don't be afraid to laugh off sarcastic comments about jealousy.

4. A woman with a strong aura can handle others.

Just to be clear, a strong aura doesn't mean someone who's hot-tempered. In fact, the hotter the temper, the weaker the aura.

So, the best thing to do is just stay silent.

Even if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed, try to stay calm and let this matter pass.

Because you're so involved in this situation, you'll never be able to get out of it.

I hope the hostess becomes a woman with a powerful aura!

I'm Warm June, and I love you all!

Hello, host. I hope my answer helps.

As a daughter-in-law, I understand your feelings. If I hadn't studied psychology, I would still be caught up in my relationship with my mother-in-law, feeling helpless and full of complaints.

It's hard to change other people. We need to find the right way to adjust so we can be more relaxed and comfortable in our relationships.

My advice is this:

Accept your mother-in-law and husband for who they are. It's hard to change someone who doesn't want to change.

Your husband used to talk behind your mother's back, but whenever you mentioned her, she would just cry. Even if she wanted to change, she couldn't. If someone doesn't want to change, it's hard for others to change them.

These patterns have been the same for so many years. They benefit her and protect her, so why change them?

If we want to change our mother-in-law or our husband, we're going the wrong way. We can't control what others think or do.

To make things simple, we need to accept ourselves.

When you accept them, you won't get upset.

My mother-in-law used to nag me. I thought it was her problem because she was always using her standards to demand things from me. Then I realized it was my problem because I had been using my standards to demand things from her. I expected her to be less nagging and to accept me unconditionally. However, it was difficult for her to do so. She was independent and would not change herself just because of my expectations.

I adjusted my expectations and accepted her. After that, I got along with her more peacefully.

Accept your mother-in-law, your husband, and everyone around you. You'll feel more relaxed.

2. Learn to communicate your needs.

You said, "I lead a pretty exhausting life. I don't see how my husband could care about me if he lets his mother act so bossy. But your husband also has his limitations. He does care about you, but he can't handle his relationship with his mother.

You need your husband to care about you. Do you think he should make your mother-in-law less dominant? Have you talked about this with him?

Tell him your feelings and needs. Speak your thoughts and needs about a matter and tell your husband what you need him to do.

3. Learn to separate issues and not get involved in too many boundaries.

To handle relationships, we need to learn to separate issues. Learn to take responsibility for your own life and don't impose other people's issues on yourself.

How do you tell the difference?

If you face the consequences of an action, you're responsible for it.

The person who deals with the consequences of an action is the one who bears them.

If a mother lets her child wear short sleeves inside in winter, she has to deal with her mother-in-law's complaints, the child catching a cold, and the child learning to dress for the weather.

Nothing is perfect, but we have to make our own decisions. Once we make a decision, we have to live with the consequences.

The mother-in-law's nagging is her own business. The mother of the child doesn't have to take responsibility for it. The mother-in-law may nag for other reasons too. As daughter-in-laws, we have no control over this, so there's no need to dwell on it.

Think about which responsibilities you should take on and which you should not in this situation. The mother-in-law cannot control her emotions. This is her business, and she has the right to demand it from you. You can choose to listen or not. Regardless of whether you listen or not, it is your choice, and you will bear the consequences. If you choose not to listen, you will bear the consequences of your mother-in-law's reaction to you.

You decide. Know what's yours and what's not. Take responsibility for your own issues and don't take on other people's. It'll be easier.

For your reference. Best wishes!

Good day,

It seems that you have encountered a challenging relationship with your mother-in-law, which has led to some discomfort in your interactions. There seems to be a lack of alignment between you and your mother-in-law, and when conflicts arise, your husband is unable to provide the support you need, which has unfortunately led to your mother-in-law becoming increasingly assertive.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that you don't actually want a divorce. It may be that you feel that it's too exhausting to live like this. If your husband could stand by your side and kindly ask your mother-in-law to reconsider her approach, that might be beneficial.

I wonder if you have considered ways to alter the dynamic when you interact with your mother-in-law. It's possible that you have tried to do so, but haven't seen much success, leading you to feel like you've reached a point of giving up.

It is understandable that you might be feeling confused. It is not always easy to understand why some mothers-in-law are kind and know how to take care of their daughter-in-law, while others are strong and unreasonable.

After reading your description of the problem, the teacher has a few questions for you. You mentioned a lot about your mother-in-law in your description, but never mentioned your father-in-law. Is there a reason why you didn't mention him? The teacher is wondering if perhaps your father-in-law has divorced your mother-in-law, or if he died a long time ago.

If that is indeed the case, it would appear that your husband has had a challenging time, as has your mother-in-law. Could I inquire as to why that might be?

It is not uncommon for a couple who have married and had a son to experience the departure of the husband for reasons that may be unclear.

It is easy to imagine how helpless, sad, and frustrated this wife is. She is in a difficult position and is doing her best to cope. She is treating the only male in the family, her son, as her husband to replace the void in her emotions.

It's important to understand that her actions are not a reflection of blame. They're a natural defense mechanism, a way for her to cope with the challenges of raising a child alone. It's a demanding role, and she may turn to her son for support. He, in turn, may also turn to her for guidance, forming a close bond that extends beyond the typical family structure.

From a psychological perspective, it is often observed that after the birth of a child, the mother and child form a symbiotic relationship, while the father provides protection and the conditions for their care. Children who grow up in such a normal family environment often develop the ability to separate from their mother when they are about three years old, and then engage in play with their father and other children.

However, when the father is not around, the mother has to raise the children alone, which can cause the mother to have very deep emotions for the children. The children cannot live without their mother, so the symbiotic relationship between the two cannot transition normally to a reasonable separation period. This can result in a lack of a clear sense of boundaries between the mother and children. Their subconscious minds may still be in a symbiotic relationship, especially your husband, whose self has never developed completely. This relationship may have continued into adulthood.

Once you understand the reasons behind their current situation, you may find yourself feeling sorry for them. It would be beneficial to help them move through the symbiotic relationship as smoothly as possible.

It might be challenging to implement, given that their relationship pattern may have been maintained for many years and cannot be changed in a few words. One possible approach could be to consider family therapy or a psychoanalytic counselor for psychological counseling. After a long-term psychodynamic treatment, it could potentially help them effectively get through the symbiosis period and reach the separation period, thus achieving family harmony.

I believe a harmonious family is what you ultimately want.

I hope my advice will be of some value to you. I wish you a happy life and a happy family.

Hello, questioner!

From your description, it seems like you have a mother-in-law who likes to act weak in front of your husband. Such a mother-in-law can make you feel tired and produce a lot of negative emotions. I can understand your grievances and anger, and I'm sending you a big, warm hug from afar!

Facing such a mother-in-law, we may feel powerless, but we can take action! From your description, your mother-in-law likes to pretend to be crying and weak. I think she hopes to win her husband's attention and care by arousing his sympathy. For a mother, her son's family also means that the mother-in-law cannot enjoy her son's care alone. Therefore, the appearance of the daughter-in-law is actually a great opportunity for the mother-in-law to step up and show her son how much she cares! For example, in a family, the mother will also compete with the child for her husband's love. This is the same principle.

It seems to me that your mother-in-law is a bit too involved in your family affairs. She doesn't see you and your husband as a unit, so she's interfering a bit too much. This makes you feel uncomfortable, but it's also an opportunity for you to learn to set boundaries and take care of yourself.

From your description, your husband is a great guy who is perfectly suited for living at home. I think your husband also lacks a sense of independence and is still learning the difference between his mother's feigned weakness and her true intentions. Perhaps your husband can recognize his mother's true intentions, but he also chooses to indulge in his mother-in-law's behavior. This mentality may be due to a sense of responsibility towards his mother, or it may be that he has not separated from his original family and is still connected to his mother inside, without an independent personality. He may also be a mama's boy who is still learning to take responsibility for you and your marriage, or for his own choices and life. He can understand the grievances, anger, and exhaustion you feel in this marriage.

How can we solve this together?

Let's dive into the world of positive communication with your husband! Communication is the cornerstone of any great relationship. Your husband might not be the best at balancing your bond with your mother-in-law, but you can be the star of the show by learning to communicate with your husband and express your thoughts. You can even give your husband some awesome suggestions, like living apart and reducing contact. Wait and see what happens! These suggestions might make your husband a little upset, but if your husband is unable to be independent, maintains close contact with his family of origin, and cannot separate his family from your mother-in-law's family, it will only have a certain impact on your own family. You can also explain some of the reasons to your husband.

It's time to take control of your emotions! When you feel those negative emotions coming on, you can take charge and find out what's behind them. Then, you can come up with some awesome countermeasures and get yourself out of that negative mindset. Your body and mind will thank you for it!

It's time to take charge of your life! Even if you're in a marriage, have a family, or have children, you need to learn to take responsibility for yourself. It's important to care for your feelings and put your needs first. This isn't selfishness; it's an essential part of becoming an independent person. When you're independent, you can make your own choices, respect your inner thoughts, and believe in yourself. You've got this!

I really hope my answer is helpful!

Hello,

No one wants to dwell on the negative and make themselves unhappy.

From what you've said in response to other people's comments, it's clear that you feel helpless, resentful and disgusted.

Your mother-in-law's behavior has already caused you a lot of stress.

The story also lists the resources of the questioner's own family (this is an attempt to get you to think rationally). Your strong emotions make people feel a simple attachment to love and family.

My mother-in-law tends to deal with minor issues by crying and making a fuss.

This makes you, who don't see eye to eye with her on things, feel out of sorts, and you're just not on the same page.

Your five-year-old daughter can't get the love and care she needs from her grandmother, who has very traditional views.

Of course, the questioner feels aggrieved not just for herself, but also for her flesh and blood.

"My husband is a great person to live with," is what you're thinking, and you're showing me (the observer) how things are usually great between you.

When someone is full of hatred, they just get more and more depressed. It's only love that can bring out the best in people! Your mother-in-law has never tried to embrace the inner light she could have had...

This just goes to show you how to find your inner light.

And you think divorce is the answer, but you feel helpless, angry and sad.

You feel like your hope of your husband changing his mother so you two can live in peace has been dashed time and time again.

Given these challenges in your relationship, do you think your mother-in-law is a loving person?

What kind of example is a child being set if their mother doesn't know how to love?

I think the child will definitely be hurt.

Even if you favor your son over your daughter, your son will still be subject to strong emotional constraints, and most Chinese men are not very good at expressing their feelings.

So, his tolerance and forbearance might make you feel like he can't make decisions in the family or stand up for you.

Because he wasn't taught how to break free from emotional bondage when he was growing up.

It might be hard to tell right from wrong in his original family, but there's always a way out.

You can help him by choosing not to get trapped in an emotional situation. You and your husband have built a strong family unit.

As a modern woman, you need to be assertive, but you also need to be flexible.

You're in your first relationship, and it seems to be going well.

The energy that builds a nuclear family is based on the idea that two people grow together.

It might be helpful to listen to what her husband has to say. What has he gained from the marriage? What were his feelings during the time he spent with his mother in the past?

Try to understand and listen to what he's saying.

"I'm afraid my little couple won't fight." You already know your partner's style well, so there's no need to get involved in the conflict. Saying, "I feel sad/I feel sorry," may help you handle her emotional outbursts without getting caught up in the drama, and help you avoid getting into an argument and being led astray by her emotions.

When she's not in a bad mood, she still wants attention. But a nice greeting and a quick check-in about how she's doing can show you care.

Ultimately, it's up to you whether or not you have a second child. You don't need to justify your decision to anyone else.

Ultimately, the decision to have a second child is yours, and you don't need to explain it to anyone else.

I believe that sharing something with your friends is a way of expressing your emotions, showing them what you're feeling, and demonstrating respect. It's not so much about getting their approval, but more about connecting with them.

The circle of friends is a space that belongs to you. In the future, I'll focus more on showing positivity, beauty, and positive energy, which may attract positive opportunities like a job or my child getting into a good school.

I hope things go well for you.

Everyone is a beacon. We all have the power to illuminate the hearts of others with our words, whether we're asking questions or answering them.

Hello. I am a heart coach, and I understand exactly how you feel. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is indeed a very stressful and complicated issue. You and your mother-in-law are involved, and so is your husband, who is caught in the middle, torn between the two sides.

As fellow daughters-in-law, I'm going to give you a warm hug and then we're going to tackle the problems that trouble you head on.

?1. People say that "mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are natural enemies" for a reason.

It is a simple fact that conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law occur in almost every married family. Those relationships that seem to be getting along very well actually involve a lot of unknown tolerance, accommodation, and repeated communication.

The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have no blood relationship. They are related because of "the same man." It is still somewhat difficult for them to be as close as a biological mother and daughter.

Think back to your own feelings. You know it's true. When you hear the same words from your mother and your mother-in-law, your response will be different. It's because we have lived with our mothers for decades, sharing a deep emotional bond and understanding each other.

We hear and see not only the words and actions of the biological mother, but also the deep love and emotions behind them.

We must acknowledge that when it comes to the relationship between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law, we only perceive the external, superficial aspects and are rarely willing to appreciate the emotions behind them.

Family is a place where love is more important than reason. If you get the logic right but lose the relationship, you've wasted your time.

When you encounter things, consider the human aspect more often than just the matter at hand.

I firmly believe that it is best for a couple to have two children, one boy and one girl. This ensures that when the children grow up and get married, both sets of parents will be able to understand the feelings of their daughter-in-law and son-in-law.

2. Look at the problem from multiple perspectives to give yourself more options.

In your daily interactions with your mother-in-law, you see her being overbearing and unreasonable, a drama queen, and crying all the time. This has seriously hurt your feelings, especially when it comes to having a second child.

You can feel your feelings again, my dear. Why do you care so much about your mother-in-law's "double standards" and her preference for boys? Do you also have a fixation on son preference deep down inside?

There is a psychological phenomenon called "projection." This means that some of our behaviors towards others are a projection of our inner thoughts.

This projection makes you feel emotions, disgust, and anger towards your mother-in-law's words and deeds.

Any unmet need can generate emotions. Look at your emotions and the unmet needs behind them.

It is likely that you are longing for her to be respected, recognized, and accepted as a woman.

Put yourself in her shoes. How did she treat people before she married? How did she treat her neighbors and colleagues?

Or is she only strong and demanding with you after you get married?

This is likely a pattern she has developed over time, not a personal attack. Look at things from your mother-in-law's perspective and understand her positive motives.

For example, having a second child, the child is still ours. Parents always hope that their children will not be lonely and that they can discuss everything with someone. No matter how much a parent loves their child, the love of siblings will accompany them for a longer time.

Separate your mother-in-law's actions from her identity. Look for the "good" motives behind her actions. Love is the answer to everything.

3. Make sure you communicate with your husband.

They say that "a couple united can cut through metal with their strength." You know very well that you married your husband, and it is he, not your mother-in-law, with whom you will spend the rest of your life.

Your husband's understanding and emotional support is more practical and satisfying than your mother-in-law's 100% good-natured face. "Harmony at home brings success in all matters." Communicate with your husband more often, expressing your views and feelings, while also listening to his views and feelings.

You can learn more about the truth of the matter and avoid being paranoid or dwelling on the same point by standing from a different perspective. You can also take your husband's feelings into account. After all, your biological mother has spent decades building a protective barrier around you with her way of thinking. You can easily change it.

"If you are not deaf or blind, you are not fit to be in charge." These are the words of Empress Xiao Zhuang of the Kangxi Emperor, and they are words of encouragement for you.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you. ?

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