The sense of deprivation makes me unhappy with anyone, feeling unable to be myself, isn't it hard?

Hello, I'm WeiZhiPeng from Yixinli. I believe that systemic psychotherapy is one of the four major schools of modern psychotherapy, along with psychoanalysis, cognitive behavioral therapy, and humanistic therapy. This school mainly does short-term counseling, usually about 10 sessions.

This is how I understand the situation you describe. I'm not sure if I'm right or not. It seems like your past experiences have made you a bit insecure.

You may find it more comfortable to keep the money in your possession and not spend it.

And now, you are dating a guy you like, and you can feel from the process that you are willing to continue maintaining a good relationship with him. The price of dating him is that you need to pay higher expenses than before (it seems to have exceeded what you can afford).

This may cause some discomfort and perhaps even a little anxiety.

I believe the feedback is that you are adapting to his pace of life, and in the beginning of the process, you may feel a bit uncomfortable in one way or another. This is normal, as you are experiencing a different lifestyle than you have in the past.

I would like to suggest that during this adjustment period, you might consider setting a budget for each outing with him that you can afford. Should the budget be exceeded, you could then choose to end the date.

Perhaps you could ask him to pay for the rest. You could also consider telling him about your current situation, in case he understands.

Perhaps he could propose a better life plan than you.

After all, the future may hold the prospect of a life together for the two of you. If you were to share the source of your "sense of security" and allow him to bear some of it, would that not be a more beneficial arrangement? Would it not be preferable if you did not have to bear this burden alone?

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on this.

Hello, dear.

You feel deprived when it comes to money. This manifests as anxiety and a tendency to be cautious and tense. This state of mind is similar to that of a child who is often rejected and harshly criticized, and who has become cautious and afraid of making mistakes.

I feel heartache.

You said that when you were young, your family was poor and your parents were constantly putting pressure on you. I know this pressure was about how important money is, how miserable and hard life would be without money, or how being poor makes you feel inferior.

It doesn't matter how your parents talked to you about money or whether you grew up in poverty. The way your family members faced poverty and the state of mind they displayed probably left an impression on you as a child: that not having money is terrible, unfortunate, gloomy, and even shameful. These feelings about money are deeply etched in your heart.

You may have grown up, earn your own income, and become adept at saving money. However, when it comes to spending money, do you still feel like you did when you were a child and had no money?

You feel trapped by these feelings of scarcity and shame, unable to be yourself and find happiness. This is an unfree feeling, and it needs to be addressed.

You must ask yourself: what is holding you back, apart from past experiences of money-related scarcity and other negative feelings? The answer is that your own values regarding money have not been brought to the fore. If you don't feel scarcity, you must ask yourself: what is the real voice of your own heart regarding money?

Money should play a role in your life. You should spend money in a way that truly reflects your inner desires. There is a right measure of happiness. Explore these inner voices about money.

You can achieve balance by acknowledging both the negative feelings about money that your family instilled in you as a child and the positive feelings you have about money as an adult.

The next time you feel trapped by a sense of scarcity, ask yourself: are these thoughts about scarcity, these terrifying ideas about money, real? Are you willing to believe in them?

In the present, you must choose to trust your own judgment and enjoy the convenience and comfort that money brings you. You need to decide what the appropriate level of spending is for the you of now, the you who has grown up and is capable of earning your own money and taking care of yourself.

Trust your heart and you will make the right decision. You can choose to trust this new judgment. It's in line with the current reality. You don't have to live in the sense of deprivation from your childhood.

You should be a very strong person. You grew up working hard to earn and save money to break through the limitations of your childhood and step out into a new life.

And you did. Look back with more tenderness at the little child you once were, at the poverty you experienced as a child, at the various influences your family had on you, at the wounds your heart suffered because of money.

You need to see the little you from your childhood, who was never satisfied and never dared to satisfy herself. You also need to tell her, "You suffered. It's not your fault that your family was poor, and being poor doesn't mean you're ashamed. No matter what life throws at you, you deserve to treat yourself well, to enjoy yourself, and to have it all."

Now that you're grown up and have the means, you can take care of that needy you. When the feeling of scarcity knocks on the door again, understand it, see it, and accept it as a part of you.

Let the past become a part of you. Don't let it be a part of shame. Use it as a way to be more grateful and cherish money more.

I apologize for the lengthy response, but I hope it provides some helpful insight. Best regards,

Hello, question asker!

I get it. I felt the same way for a long time! I grew up in a small village and my family wasn't well off.

So, they're always afraid to spend money and they compare things they like over and over again, just to avoid buying them.

I think a lot of people feel this way, especially housewives with young children and those from less well-off families. It was pretty common among our parents' and grandparents' generations, especially those from ordinary families.

When I was younger, I especially couldn't understand why my mother always sold cheap clothes. She'd also save food for a long time before eating it. It was a sense of deprivation.

The feeling of deprivation is a psychological feeling of "lack." It has nothing to do with how much a person actually has. It's related to an inner black hole.

When someone is really caught up in a sense of deprivation, it can feel like their heart is a black hole that will never be filled.

Deprivation is a state of spiritual poverty.

It's a sign of a person's psychological scarcity. They can't enjoy happiness and beauty because it makes them feel guilty.

So, he'll steer clear of experiences that are linked to happiness and beauty.

If he doesn't do something well, he'll criticize himself. But if he does something well, he'll think it's just part of the job. He doesn't see his own merits, but he's quick to spot his own shortcomings. People who lack inner peace always have high expectations of themselves and never let themselves relax.

They develop a very strict inner moral code.

So, how can you get rid of that feeling of lack inside?

First, learn to appreciate yourself and give yourself a little pat on the back.

It can be tough to learn to appreciate and affirm yourself at first, but if you keep at it, you'll see results. For instance, you could try saying something like, "I am the best!" to yourself every morning when you wake up.

I deserve to be loved! And write down your own strengths and learn to see the good in yourself.

People are particularly susceptible to psychological suggestions. When you tell yourself you're worthy of love and that you're abundant and rich, you'll slowly become that person. Conversely, if you think you're bad and barren, you'll become poorer.

Secondly, it's important to learn to be grateful.

Gratitude allows you to tap into a flow of positive energy. It makes your heart grow fonder, and it can even make you wealthier.

For instance, you can thank your partner for the care and love they show you.

You can also be grateful to your kids for letting you experience what it's like to be innocent. They bring joy to the whole family.

When you're grateful, you'll realize you're actually rich because you have so much to be grateful for.

At the end of the day, it's important to allow yourself to enjoy the beauty of life, rather than forcing yourself to be tense all the time.

People who feel a lack within themselves have always been too hard on themselves. They never allow themselves to relax or enjoy the good things in life because they feel guilty. You have to remind yourself that you deserve to enjoy the good things in life and that you can allow yourself to slow down.

A sense of lack is basically a disbelief in life and a doubt in one's own life. It's a belief that gradually forms because one can't find a sense of belonging, a sense of security, or a sense of kindness in life.

If we want to heal our own lack, we need to open our hearts and see ourselves. We need to understand our inner needs, fears, vulnerability, and powerlessness.

See them, accept them, don't avoid, don't hide, don't resist. It might take a while, but you'll be rewarded for sticking with it!

Wishing you the best!

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach. I will be your supportive listener, offering a warm and compassionate presence as you share your emotional story.

I can appreciate your feelings. That sense of inadequacy can lead to a conflicted and entangled attitude towards money. On the one hand, you may desire more and more enjoyment, but on the other hand, you may also exhibit some reluctance to spend money.

It might also be the case that your attitude towards money affects your relationship with the opposite sex, causing self-doubt and a lack of happiness.

Let's start with a warm embrace, and then we can take a closer look at the issue you're facing.

? 1. Could you please explain what is meant by the term "sense of entitlement"?

As you mentioned, you have a tendency to be reluctant to spend money and to present yourself as being financially secure. This can lead to a sense of unease when you achieve a certain level of material wealth. In psychology, this is often referred to as a feeling of inferiority.

The term "sense of entitlement" is used to describe a subjective feeling that a person deserves a certain material possession.

When you have something of value, it's natural to feel a sense of entitlement. It's a way of acknowledging that you think you are valuable and worthy, and that you deserve it.

If a person does not feel worthy enough, they may tend to avoid the gifts that God has bestowed upon them, including money, which is just one of many gifts.

It is therefore important to enhance your sense of entitlement if you wish to attract more wealth, as your subconscious mind may otherwise prevent you from doing so.

If we wish to achieve wealth, it would be beneficial to enhance our sense of entitlement and address the underlying issue.

It would be beneficial to learn more about self-worth.

A person's sense of entitlement may be related to their perception of self-worth. Self-worth is a subjective assessment of one's own value, rather than an objective one.

It could be said that a sense of entitlement is rooted in one's sense of self-worth.

It is possible that a person with a low sense of worthiness may experience embarrassment when praised by others.

It may be the case that you feel that the other person is not praising you, and that you don't feel that you are as good as the other person says. It's also possible that you care about what others say about you.

A person with a high sense of self-worth is generally not affected by external praise or criticism. This is because they have a strong sense of self-assurance and believe that their true identity is not defined by the opinions of others.

? 3. Self-worth can be enhanced through psychology. There are two ways to gain a sense of worth: enhance self-worth from within and create social value from without, which together can help to make a valuable person.

1. Healing inner wounds: It is possible that the influence of your parents, criticism, negativity, and accusations when you were young may have contributed to a low sense of worth. You may find it helpful to refer to one of my articles, "It turns out that the root cause of psychological problems is it," which you can view directly on my personal homepage.

2. Value created externally: One possible way to find your sense of worth is to identify your "mission" and consider ways you can contribute to others and society.

The book "People Who Make Money Think Differently" touches on the topic of wealth, suggesting that there are two key approaches to achieving it: 1. Making money. 2. Earning money.

3. Valuable.

4. What are some ways one might be able to acquire more wealth?

Perhaps we could begin by considering what is "worthwhile."

1. It is only fair that others should give you money.

2. How might one make oneself worthy of having money?

It could be said that the so-called "worthwhile people" are the ones who allow money to come to them. "Small wealth comes from diligence, great wealth comes from heaven." Heaven is an inexplicable force.

If there is a God, one might ask who will receive his wealth. And who among us is worthy of having money?

Could it be that becoming the "chosen one" is about having a sense of gratitude and a consideration for the public?

A sense of entitlement can be defined as the sense of security that comes with having money. When a person is mindful of the public, he or she may recognize that money is simply a tool for serving the public, which could potentially lead to a sense of entitlement.

While he did not directly generate money, he was able to facilitate the generation of greater value through his actions.

A valuable person is someone who can generate greater value for society. It could be said that a person who can create greater value for society will likely have a sense of entitlement.

Those who are rich within are often blessed with external wealth. By combining the above, you can continuously improve your sense of self-worth.

Additionally, if you desire to accumulate more wealth and live a more fulfilling life, you may wish to consider the following exercises:

First, consider making a significant aspiration for yourself. Reflect on how you could potentially create greater value for society if you were to become financially secure. It's not necessary to wait until you have accumulated wealth to engage in this kind of thinking. The crucial point is to cultivate the intention. If your aspiration is truly meaningful, it may even be possible for divine forces to facilitate its fulfillment. However, it's essential to recognize that you must first take the initiative to move forward.

2. Perhaps it would be helpful to start with the little things around you. When spending money, it might be beneficial to consider how to spend it in a way that creates the most value. For example, when buying something, it's worth asking yourself whether you're buying the original version.

Perhaps it would be more beneficial to consider whether the item in question is pirated, or if it is environmentally friendly.

Perhaps you don't yet have the capacity to create something for society, but every penny you spend has its own social significance. When you usually spend money only thinking about your own desires, you may inadvertently harm others and benefit yourself. When you do these things, you may be cultivating habits that are not particularly beneficial. It's worth noting that God may not approve of such actions, and attracting money may be more challenging.

3. You might consider doing some meditations on wealth exercises. If you persist in practicing, you may find that your sense of entitlement improves gradually. You may also find it helpful to listen to "The Four Lessons of Liao Fan."

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. I wish you well in your endeavors.

If you would like to continue our dialogue, you are welcome to click on the "Find a coach" link, which you will find in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.