This issue has been bothering me for too long; should I have a second child?

Hello, dear young lady. I can see you're feeling a bit confused, so I'm giving you a big, warm hug!

I'm here for you, sweetheart. I'll give you a warm hug again because I know you're going through some marital problems.

I think it would be really helpful for you to think about the following things when you're making your decision about whether or not to have another baby.

First, you are now 39 years old, which is a great age! But it also means you're a high-risk mother, and having a second child may have certain risks.

Secondly, you can't take care of your 20-month-old son on your own, so your mother is going to be a huge help for a few years!

As you get older, your energy will naturally decline.

And then there's the relationship with your in-laws, which isn't the best.

If so, who will take care of your second little one?

I just wanted to check if you live with your in-laws?

If you live together, I just don't think they'll agree to have a second child and let a nanny take care of it, sweetie.

If you don't live together, you can also chat with your husband about whether you'd like to hire a nanny to take care of your little one.

Your husband is starting a business, but it's hard to say how long it will last. It's something you'll need to think about.

The good news is that the pandemic is not over yet, but the bad news is that it's really hard to predict whether my husband's business will succeed or not.

If you don't have an annual income, but you have a second child, it's a great question: what will you use to raise this child?

We all know that raising a child is expensive these days.

So, it's really important to plan ahead now and prepare for your little one's future.

I'm sure no parent wants their child to suffer in this world. So, I think that in your current situation, you can take all of the factors I've mentioned into account and then make a final decision.

I'm just one person sharing my experience, so I'm not the one who has to make the final decision for you. You're the one who knows your heart and your situation best.

We're so happy to be able to offer you our advice, but we can't make your final decision for you.

I really hope you can find a great solution to this problem soon!

I'm sorry, I can only think of these things right now.

I really hope my answers are helpful and inspiring to you, young lady. I'm the answer, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Wishing you all the best!

Hello, host!

I'm thrilled to share my personal experience and give my opinion!

My child is also just 20 months old, and I have also considered whether to have a second child. I think that when deciding whether to have a second child, you need to carefully consider the following questions:

1. Who will get to take care of the child for the longest time?

First of all, you don't get along well with your mother and her parents, and you also have a young son to take care of. If you have a second child, who will take care of the baby? Your mother, her parents, or a nanny? This also means that you will have to live with the person who takes care of your child for many years. Can you accept that? It's an exciting time! You get to decide who will be in your child's life for many years to come. Who will it be?

Oh, what do they think?

2. Absolutely! Your family's financial conditions allow it!

From your description, it seems that your family's financial situation is pretty good! It looks like your in-laws just need a little extra support as they get older, and they enjoy spending their children's money. In addition, your husband's job seems to be a bit unstable, but you're confident he'll be able to handle whatever comes his way. So, how do you usually distribute and manage your income, and how resilient are you to future risks?

Otherwise, if something happens, it will be a great learning experience for two elderly people and two children!

3. Are you ready to provide him with a warm and loving environment in which to grow up?

I'm so excited to hear more about your husband's attitude towards having a second child! And I'd love to know more about your relationship with him. It's so interesting how the involvement of the children can bring the elderly on both sides into the family, and how that can complicate things. But it can also be a beautiful thing, right? I'm curious: will your husband put the couple relationship first, support and understand you, and protect you?

I'm sure that if you sort out these issues, you'll have the answer!

I really hope this has been helpful for you!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm a pretty modest and self-effacing person, and I guess that's just how I am!

I can see that your description contains some contradictions and conflicts. I actually know the pros and cons very well, but I'm still a bit indecisive.

I'd love to know why you want to have a second child!

You say you want to keep a companion for your 20-month-old baby, and you also say you feel lonely during the Chinese New Year holidays and have nowhere to go. These are all objective facts, and they are the factual basis for your desire to have a second child.

Let's take a moment to look at our own family structure. We have the in-laws, the sister-in-law, the mother, the husband, the children, and ourselves. We're a big, happy family!

If we're happy and in sync, we should be happy on any holiday!

So, we can think about having another little one, but it's really important to make sure everyone gets along. If you can do that, you'll have plenty of help with the new baby. If you can't, you might find it a bit overwhelming.

As a mom of a 12-month-old, I know it's so easy for little ones to be helped and taken care of by their extended family. It's also a wonderful thing for their character!

So, the big question is, are you ready for a second child?

You're in a great position financially, so it's important to plan and manage your money wisely. The future is full of unknowns, so it's a good idea to be prepared for whatever comes your way.

It's so easy to bring a child into the world, but it's not always easy to give them the courage and strength to face the world. Being a child is a kind of cultivation, and being a parent is a kind of practice.

Every situation is both simple and complex. So, it's really important to view our relationships with our parents and other relatives in the right way before making a decision.

Having a second child is a wonderful thing to be happy about! But we mustn't make our little one suffer because we haven't handled things well.

And the best way to give your little one a sense of security is to be a mature adult and handle the chores around you!

Wishing you all the best!

Thank you for taking the time to provide us with your description. From your account, we can discern that you are experiencing a range of emotions, including anxiety, worry, helplessness, and confusion.

You are 39 years old, have a 20-month-old son, and are currently experiencing significant anxiety and uncertainty regarding the prospect of having a second child.

From the circumstances you have outlined, it is evident that you are experiencing fatigue in your role as the primary caregiver for your son, and that you require assistance from your mother.

You and your husband lack external support, relying solely on your mother's assistance. It is evident that obtaining the necessary resources to have a second child would be challenging in the absence of external help.

As a mother, I empathize with your situation. I can relate to the feeling of insecurity that stems from having a relatively distant relationship with loved ones.

It is therefore understandable that you are anxious about your son being alone and facing the same situation in the future.

It is essential to identify the root cause of the problem.

While the question of whether to have a second child is a source of concern for you,

However, an objective analysis of the circumstances listed in your description reveals that they are not conducive to having a second child.

You are aware that the current issues must be resolved before a second child can be considered.

Please clarify why you are still troubled and confused. What is the source of your concern?

Will the addition of a second child address your concerns and alleviate your anxieties?

It is impossible to predict the future with certainty. However, you are experiencing anxiety and unease about your current lack of security.

It is possible that you are projecting your own insecurities about the future onto your son. In this case, it is not your son who requires assistance, but rather you.

As a parent, it is essential to first develop the capacity to achieve the desired outcome for your child.

It may be assumed that providing your son with a sibling will result in him having one more relative and therefore alleviating his feelings of isolation.

Despite being surrounded by loved ones, you still feel isolated, unsupported, and insecure.

You lack the resources and capability to care for your son independently, and you require assistance from your mother.

Have you considered that even if you bring your son a sibling, if he is unable to maintain a positive relationship with them, he will still face the same challenges as you are currently facing?

I believe that if you, as a mother, can learn to cultivate a sense of happiness and security, and develop the capacity to accept and protect those around you, you will be better positioned to let go of your son.

Even without siblings, a child can rely on the support of family members and experience a sense of well-being.

It is important to accept yourself and others.

It is understandable that you feel uneasy about your situation as a child, and it is indeed a challenging situation.

When we encounter difficulties, it is certainly beneficial to have the support of our loved ones and friends. However, it is also important to respect and understand their decisions, even if they choose not to provide assistance. Providing assistance is a matter of personal inclination, while not offering assistance is a matter of obligation.

It is important to remember that everyone has the right to make their own choices and hold their own ideas. It is not appropriate to hold others responsible for our own choices and ideas.

By attempting to comprehend and accommodate the perspectives of others and our differences, you may find it more straightforward to empathize with the challenges and struggles of those around you, including your parents and other loved ones. This could potentially lead to a more harmonious relationship with them, allowing you to appreciate the support and kindness they offer.

Best regards,

Hello, my dear landlord!

Ultimately, it's up to you whether or not to have a second child.

I'm here to help you see clearly what you want most by analyzing your current dilemma and situation.

I was an only child at 39, and now I have a 20-month-old son!

You're currently 39, with a one-year-old and two-month-old son. You're also an only child, like me!

I've got three tips for you today!

Another option is to wait to get married and have children.

If you're thinking about having a second child, it might be a good idea to do it sooner rather than later. This could be one of the reasons you're considering it, and it's a very realistic reason!

Secondly, you're an only child and feel lonely, so you want to give your son a companion?

It's totally understandable to feel lonely sometimes. I think we can all relate to that feeling. It's as if you're projecting your own feelings onto your son, and you're afraid that he might feel lonely in the future. Is that right?

This is the second reason, a psychological factor, for wanting to have a second child.

Third, your sweet little boy is still so young, at less than two years old. You're such a great mom, but it's so hard to devote so much energy and time to taking care of such a young child. If you can't do it, the child will also be affected.

I totally get it. This is one of the practical reasons why you can't decide to have a second child.

My parents divorced when I was just 16 years old.

My dad passed away from cancer when I was just 30 years old.

After the divorce, your mom found love again and had a son. He's now a junior in college!

I can imagine how hard it was for you when your parents divorced when you were going through puberty. It's so sad when marriages don't work out, isn't it? I think it might have affected your views on marriage and family, but you've already taken the first step by thinking about having a second child.

You just want some love and affection, sweetheart.

I'm so sorry to hear that your father passed away from cancer when you were just 30 years old. It's so sad to lose one of your most important loved ones.

Your mom remarried and had another child, and you might feel like you've been left with no love at all.

The above three points are things that happened in the past that have made it hard for you to feel loved by your parents. So, you want to show your love for your own children by having more of them.

This is also the third reason why you want to have a second child, which is psychological.

The second reason you're hesitant about having a second child is that your mom remarried and her new partner's child is now in their third year of university and also starting to think about starting a family and establishing a career. You're worried that your mom might not be able to devote herself fully to helping you raise the child, which is a totally understandable concern.

I have to say, I do hate my mother a little bit because she abandoned me after the divorce and even tried to undermine me. But since I can't handle the child alone, I'm really hoping she'll help me raise it for a few years.

My stepfather and I have never had contact, and he can be a bit defensive of me, bless him.

Your mother left you after the divorce and even criticized you. I know it can be hard, but try to remember that your mother loves you and you can love her back. When you're ready, ask your mother for help with your second child.

There are practical reasons and some psychological conflicts, too.

This is the third thing that might make it tricky for you to have a second child.

It's so tough when you have no contact with your stepfather. It can make it really hard to lower your head. This is also the fourth concern about having a second child.

My in-laws and I have a bit of a rocky relationship. They didn't work before I got married, and now they're hoping my children will support them in their old age. They're a little calculating and unsentimental, and they do like to take advantage of their children. They're a bit selfish, don't have much income, only have rural medical insurance, aren't in the best of health and often fall ill, and they like to suppress me in every way. I brought two apartments and married their son. They're a little stingy and look down on me, bless them!

It's tough when you don't have a good relationship with your in-laws. It seems like they're not able to help you much, and they're focused on taking care of their own kids. It can feel like they're pushing you away, and it's hard to imagine them being supportive of having a second child.

This is the fifth thing on my mind when it comes to having a second child.

I'm really lonely! I don't have a single friend, and my husband doesn't either. I only have my mum!

I'm really struggling to find anyone I can turn to for support. I'm also lacking in social resources and emotional support.

This is the fourth reason to have a second child.

My husband has been running his own business for many years and now earns about 800,000 yuan a year, but I'm not sure how long he'll be able to keep it up. It could be just a few years, or it could be many more.

I'm a little worried about my husband's career, which might affect our finances in the future. Having a second child would mean a bigger financial burden, which is something I'm thinking about.

We're in a bit of a tricky spot financially. We have two houses worth 6 million, a 2 million loan, 400,000 in debt, and no savings.

I'm just so worried about my husband's unstable career, which will affect our finances in the future. If we have a second child, the financial burden will be even greater. This is my seventh concern.

And the eighth thing on my mind is having a sister-in-law who might be a little too nosy!

All things considered, there are probably more reasons not to have a second child than there are to have one.

You can weigh each reason by comparing the quantity and then weighing the importance.

If you feel that having a second child means more to you, then go for it! You can always worry about overcoming the difficulties later.

If you feel like there are just too many obstacles in your way and you can't overcome them on your own, don't worry! You can always put it aside for now. When the time is right, you'll be able to make a decision.

I really hope the above answers will give you some inspiration!

Hi, I'm Yan Guilai, a psychological counselor. I wish you all the happiness in the world!

You're confused about having a second child. Maybe it's because your husband's salary is okay, or maybe it's because you want a second child but aren't sure. This is one of your biggest current confusions.

You are 39 and about to turn 40. It's not a good time to give birth. You've already missed the best age. You're not a 25-year-old girl anymore. You have a child over a year old.

A child needs its mother the most between one and three years old. Having another child now could mean you don't have enough energy for your older son. Your parents can't help much, and your mother can't control you or help you.

You have to ask your mother for help now, and your in-laws want grandchildren to take care of them in their old age. Maybe they won't even let you bring up their grandchildren. Think twice.

Your relatives are not helpful, reliable, or proactive. How can you be sure they will be any different?

Your husband still has money, and you can't ask your siblings for help. Having a second child may not be suitable. I don't know why you want a second child at forty. Talk to a heart coach or listener.

ZQ?