Understanding that my father does not love me, it's still hard to bear. What should I do?

Hello!

I can tell you're sad, angry, disappointed, and helpless. I want to give you a hug! I hope I can be your friend and help you feel better.

Let's empathize with you and feel your pain.

Your father doesn't love you. You've become sure that he only cares about himself and treats you like an investment. If he sees a return, he'll invest more, but if not, he'll withdraw.

You feel undeserving and mistreated. Why do you have such a father? Why can't you enjoy the same love and care as other children?

This has caused you a lot of pain. It might even have affected your college entrance exam results.

This feeling lasts even after you start working.

Next, feel your understanding and kindness.

You trusted your father at first, even though you felt he was selfish. Despite feeling unloved, you chose to trust him. Later, you were sure he didn't love you, but you didn't hate him. You are kind and generous, which is unusual for a young person. Well done!

Listen to my friend.

1. I used to think all parents loved their children. Even a tiger protects its cub. But ideals are always full, while reality is skinny.

Some parents don't love their children and abuse them. We don't want to believe it, but it's true!

We must accept reality or accept that we cannot change it.

Adler said that all human troubles come from relationships. Without relationships, there would be no troubles.

Your father is an important person in your life. You think he loves you, but you feel that you need his love. If you don't get it, it will be painful. This is the trouble of not getting it.

Your father is an independent person who can choose to be good to you or to be good to himself. You cannot make decisions for him. You can choose to be good to him or to be good to yourself.

Then, your worries may disappear. This is Adler's method of separation. People's worries will be much less without a relationship.

Even if no one loves you, you still have yourself. Be kind to yourself. Accept all your emotions.

Face your worries and tell yourself you are loved.

Don't let anyone or anything make you feel unloved. If you do, you'll be like your father.

That's pitiful and sad.

Love yourself. May you have it and pass it on!

May you accept yourself and be happy!

The world and I love you!

Hello, question asker!

Your account touched me deeply and brought to mind a saying I've heard before: people who were unloved as children spend their whole lives searching for security and love.

I also didn't feel a lot of love from my mother when I was young, so we're in the same situation.

A psychological perspective: a person's relationship with his or her parents directly determines his or her relationship with the world. The initial interpersonal relationship with one's parents is the prototype of various interpersonal relationships in adulthood.

A child who lacks love from an early age and has never established a stable relationship with his parents will develop various defense mechanisms in his interpersonal relationships as an adult to prevent himself from being abandoned, neglected, or denied.

A common defense mechanism for men is to work hard to start a business and make money in order to be liked by women and be respected.

A common defense mechanism for women is to try to compensate for the lack of love in their childhood by giving to others and sacrificing themselves in every way, so that they will be cherished and not abandoned.

These beliefs are leftover from childhood and they're manipulating your destiny.

People who lack love from an early age are vulnerable. If someone is a little kind to you, you are easily touched. Because no one really cared about you when you were young, you lack self-acceptance. Therefore, when you grow up, you overcompensate for the lack of love in your childhood with other people's "love."

Those who were not well cared for by their parents from an early age will always feel a deep sense of loss. However, life goes on, and we cannot use the lack of love from our parents as an excuse to stop growing up.

If our parents cannot love us properly, we must find another way.

1. Learn to put yourself in other people's shoes.

The father was likely also a "victim" in his own family of origin. It's possible that his father was treated this way by his parents when he was young, so he also learned this pattern.

Satir was clear: "Each of us is inextricably linked to our original family."

The parenting style of parents is largely the result of various factors, including their family, culture, and society.

Some parents, influenced by culture, prefer sons to daughters and make their daughters earn money to buy a house for their younger brothers. Many people received repressive education as children, and even if they did well in exams, their parents would still pour cold water on them. This may seem like they are criticizing you, but it is actually because the concept they accepted as children was that modesty is a virtue and pride and complacency can easily lead to trouble.

When we put our parents back in the environment they were in, we will find that they were not treated well enough either. This will undoubtedly make you feel better.

2. Find evidence of love.

Look back on the past and find evidence of your father's love for you. You will find it. Or learn about your father's loving actions towards you before the age of three from your relatives. Before the age of three, we have no conscious memory, but the subconscious mind and body cells do.

My mother loved me. I can find evidence of it. She killed a chicken for me to eat when I came home for the holidays. She also told me some life philosophies that she thought were right. She wasn't a great speaker, but I know she meant well.

3. Accept your parents' imperfections and stop idealizing them.

Our resentment and dissatisfaction with our parents is often the result of idealizing them too much at the beginning. When that idealization is shattered, we develop resentment.

When we were young, we admired our parents. We thought they were perfect and the best in the world.

However, as we grow up, we must realize that our parents are also ordinary people who make mistakes.

We still can't let go of our father's faults because we have deeply-rooted, overly idealized expectations of our father. We expect him to give us all his love and attention. Or we think he should be perfect, omnipotent, fair, and just, but he didn't live up to that.

These expectations have been dashed, and it's become the father's fault.

You must reconcile with your family of origin and yourself if you want to live your life to the fullest. This is difficult, and the process may take a lifetime. But there is no other way. Moving forward with resentment will only make us become the "toxic" family of origin for our own children.

Best wishes.

Good day,

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I am a heart exploration coach. I have taken the time to carefully read your post, and I want to begin by saying that I fully understand the anger and sadness you are experiencing.

I also want to commend you for being so open and honest in expressing your distress and actively seeking help on the platform. I believe this will undoubtedly help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your father, and enable you to make appropriate adjustments.

I hope you will find my observations and thoughts on the post helpful in looking at the situation from a more diverse perspective.

1. It might be helpful to try expressing your emotions in a more reasonable way.

In the post, it was mentioned that your father does not love you. While it is understandable to feel aggrieved, unfair, and sorry for yourself in this situation, it is also important to accept the reality of the situation. When reading this information, I can understand your feelings.

I believe that if I were in your situation, I would likely feel similarly aggrieved. It is, therefore, a normal emotional response for you to feel these emotions.

Perhaps we could consider ways of expressing our feelings of grievance in a more reasonable manner.

It may be helpful to consider that when our emotions are expressed reasonably and appeased, our rationality can emerge. This is because when emotions are understood, reason can follow. It might, therefore, be beneficial for the original poster to express their emotions in a way that is reasonable.

You might also consider using a common psychological technique of writing to express your emotions. It can be helpful to write down your feelings, thoughts, and emotions, etc.

As we wrote, we took the opportunity to organize our emotions and listen to and express them. It is possible that this process helped to alleviate some of our feelings.

At this juncture, it may be helpful to consider the situation from a more rational perspective and to confront the challenge head-on.

2. It is possible that this kind of thing could happen.

It is not uncommon for parents to struggle with loving their children, and this can happen. Why do I say that?

From a psychological perspective, it is challenging to give what we do not have within us. If parents lack the capacity to love and have not developed the skills to do so, they may find it difficult to express love at this time.

Love is a kind of ability that can be cultivated through learning and training. Additionally, it's important to recognize that everyone may understand love in different ways.

Many people have certain expectations of how they believe their parents should love them. If these expectations are not met, it can lead to feelings of being unloved or even a lack of feeling loved. This is something that can happen.

We discussed these together, and it is possible that the original poster may be able to accept the fact that his father did not love him better. There may be some reasons why he did not love him.

For instance, the environment in which he grew up may have had an impact on him, and so on.

3. It might be helpful to try to imagine what the environment was like in which your father grew up.

In the post, I observed that the poster mentioned that when he delayed my grades, I didn't hate him. I came to understand that his experience of being abandoned since he was young may have contributed to the formation of certain character traits. This information prompted me to consider that my father may have also experienced something challenging. We might be able to look at his experiences, which could potentially help us gain a deeper understanding of him.

It may also be helpful to consider our father's experiences and limitations, and to recognize that he is an ordinary person with abilities and limitations like anyone else.

For instance, consider the topic of love. When we gain a deeper insight into this concept, we may find ourselves with a greater degree of comprehension. Similarly, we all strive to achieve 100% in various aspects of our lives, yet we often fall short of this goal.

4. Consider learning to love yourself.

Every child naturally longs for the love of their parents. However, it is not always easy to achieve this, and things do not always turn out as we wish.

There are many reasons for this, and there are also cases where parents may not be able to provide the love and support we need. How can we navigate these challenges?

Perhaps we could consider that we have a need to be loved. Could it be that there is no other way to meet our needs than to seek them outside?

From a psychological perspective, there are other avenues for fulfilling our needs. These include taking responsibility for our own lives, our own emotions, and our own well-being. Additionally, it is possible to reconcile with the past and with our fathers. It is important to note that reconciliation does not imply making peace. Rather, it involves recognizing that we have the capacity to take responsibility for our own lives.

As we have grown up, we have become adults. It is natural to long for love, but we can also find ways to satisfy our own longings. How, then, do we love ourselves?

I believe that many of us have an image of an ideal parent in our minds. This ideal parent would know how to love, care for, support, accompany, and affirm us. We may have imagined this ourselves.

At this time, we can strive to love ourselves in the way that we imagine our "ideal parents" love us. When we are able to meet our own needs, it can bring a sense of abundance and peace to our hearts.

I hope these ideas will be of some help and inspiration to you. If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach for one-on-one communication to explore yourself in greater depth.

I need to know if the questioner is a boy or a girl. From the content of the text, it is clear that from childhood to adulthood, your father has never done anything to show that he "loves" you.

It's frightening for a child when they don't understand why their father is so indifferent towards them.

My father didn't love me. He loved only himself. For more than 20 years, my mother told me he loved me. I always felt his love was fickle. After recent events, I know he simply didn't love me.

I am pleased to hear that your father's lack of affection did not impact you negatively during your upbringing. It is clear that you have a loving mother who is dedicated to providing you with the care and support you need. I admire your resilience in facing the challenges of a complex family situation.

I was rational. I struggled, trusted, and confirmed, but he broke my trust again and again. I accept that he doesn't love me, but I still feel aggrieved, feel unfair, and feel very sorry for myself.

The OP feels aggrieved and unfair, and feels sorry for herself, because her father did not reciprocate the "trust" she tried to maintain in him.

I failed the college entrance exam by 100 points. From then on, he made it clear that he wasn't going to invest in me. He was stingy with my living expenses, not even giving me any. He wouldn't even give me money for rent and living expenses when I went to work.

This sentence clearly implies that before your college entrance exam score was 100 points lower, your father still invested in you.

I didn't hate him when he delayed my grades. I understood that his experience of being abandoned at a young age made him have a bad character, but I didn't feel sorry for him.

The questioner here says that he doesn't feel sorry for his father. How do you understand this? If he wanted to "feel sorry" for his father, he would do so.

This conversation doesn't sound like a father and daughter talking. It sounds more like two adults talking!

I act indifferent in public, but I still feel bad. I don't have any expectations, but I feel aggrieved and envy others. I don't know what this emotion is, but I refuse to let it affect me.

The questioner talks at length about how her father treated her badly, how she responded with "reason," and how she understands her father and no longer has any expectations of him. She should be able to push her father away and not be affected by him. But she still feels bad inside, as she says. Why is this?

These things have bound the questioner and his father together. The questioner needs to devote time and energy to paying attention to what his father has done to him since childhood. He also needs to set aside many things to keep himself undistracted.

You are so obsessed with "paying attention" to your father. I want to know how your mother, who has always loved you, feels. Does she feel aggrieved, unfair, and sorry for herself?

I am certain that my reply will help you. Best wishes!

Good morning, host.

I sense the distress of the host, and I hope to offer a warm embrace in the hope of providing some comfort.

It is likely that each of us has experienced some form of hurt from our family of origin.

It is possible that some wounds may be healed gradually through personal growth.

And some wounds are so deep that, no matter how old you are,

It can be challenging to heal wounds that have been carried for a long time, and it can be difficult to find a way to move forward when we are in pain.

I believe there is always a child inside us.

I believe that the child within is happy, and that the adult is happy too.

I believe that the inner child is strong, and that this strength can also be found within the adult.

It is important to remember that regardless of the challenges you may have faced in your original family,

Perhaps it would be more helpful to try to move past the pain rather than dwelling on it.

It would be beneficial to learn how to heal their own wounds.

If you feel that you did not receive sufficient love from your parents when you were young,

It is not uncommon for children who have experienced parental criticism and accusations to develop low self-esteem and depression as adults.

Of course, when we are aware that we have been hurt,

Perhaps it would be more constructive to focus on solutions rather than dwelling on the shortcomings of one's parents.

No matter how challenging the parents may be, they are the ones who gave us life.

Nobody is perfect, and we all have our flaws.

It is important to remember that parents are also first-time parents and that things that hurt children can happen.

Perhaps when the landlord becomes an adult, it would be helpful to try to understand such a father.

Perhaps you didn't receive as much love from your grandparents when you were young as you would have liked.

It might be said that the character and temperament of a family will be inherited unconsciously.

Perhaps it would be more constructive to focus on working through these issues with your parents and grandparents rather than placing blame.

Perhaps it would be helpful to start with me. I wonder if I might ask you to consider that I don't like this character habit, so I'm trying to change myself.

If you are able, it may be helpful to try to reconcile with your father. It may be challenging to do,

Perhaps when you feel sympathy and gratitude for your father,

It is possible that the host may be able to let go.

If you feel that you are unable to do this at the moment, perhaps it would be best not to force yourself.

You might consider temporarily leaving home, living in a dormitory, or finding a job.

You might consider using the time you spend at home to bring your father small gifts.

Perhaps it would be beneficial for him to change his attitude towards you too.

Regardless of how selfish or bad-tempered a father may be, he is still the one who gave birth to you and raised your loved ones.

If we can be tolerant of our loved ones,

It could be said that this indicates that the child within us has also grown up.

I hope you have a happy life!

I am Warm June, and I extend my love to the world and to you!

Hello!

I am a heart exploration coach. Learning is the body's treasure.

I can tell you're feeling distressed, sad, disappointed, and overwhelmed.

I won't go into detail about your distress, but I have three pieces of advice:

First, try to understand yourself and be comforted.

It will make you feel better and help you think about what to do next.

You said your father doesn't love you. You have struggled with trusting and confirming. You feel aggrieved, unfair, and pity for yourself. It's hard. You didn't get love from your father. You have confirmed many times that he doesn't love you. You are sad, upset, and aggrieved. It's normal to envy others, feel unfair, and feel pity for yourself. Everyone has a sense of comparison. Seeing other people's dads, they will feel sad for their children. Your own dad doesn't love you. You have tried to understand him, but he still treats you this way. You feel unfair and aggrieved. You have to try to understand and comfort yourself. This will give you mental energy to think about other things. Otherwise, your mind will be filled with negative emotions.

Allowing yourself to understand and accept yourself makes it possible to change the status quo. It may sound contradictory, but that's how change works.

Secondly, think about your own state.

Rational thinking helps you understand yourself and reality.

To rationalize, do these two things:

Some parents don't love their children.

Some parents don't love their children. This is shown in the news. So your father doesn't love you. It's normal. When you recognize this, you will have no expectations of your father.

You understand that you can change the situation.

Your inner state and state of life will change when you take action.

This can help you feel better.

Focus on yourself and think about how you can feel better.

When you think about it, you'll know what to do. Then, you focus on yourself and try your best.

When you feel unfair and uncomfortable, tell yourself, "Some parents don't love their children, and I have to accept it." After repeating this, you may feel more relaxed because you know the truth cannot be changed.

When you feel aggrieved and miserable, remind yourself that life is not always smooth sailing. Everyone experiences unpleasant things, and you need to face them to move on. This is not only a path for personal growth, but also the key to getting out of the situation.

Talk to family and friends about it. This will make you feel better.

When you can love yourself, even if you don't get your father's love, your heart will feel better.

You can focus on what you need to do now. When you get busy, you'll feel more motivated and your mood will improve. You can do something to improve the situation.

Taking action helps you feel better.

I hope this helps. Click "Find a coach" at the bottom to talk to me one-on-one.

Dear questioner, I'm sending you a big, warm hug!

I am so happy to have met you here at Yi Xin Li!

I'm so grateful for the topic author's initiative to self-reflect, which led to the topic: "Knowing that my father doesn't love me, but it's still hard, what should I do?"

❤️ After carefully reading the question the OP is seeking to discuss, as the daughter of a father, I also feel the OP's sadness, sadness, pain, disappointment, and helplessness. But there is hope!

Be grateful that the original poster took the initiative to seek help! It's a great opportunity to explore more possibilities for the answer you want.

I've also thought about this topic and I'm excited to share my reflections and thoughts with you!

Let's dive right in and get started!

Let's dive right in and sort out the specific circumstances described by the questioner! We'll interpret and analyze them together.

My own father doesn't love me, he only loves himself. But for more than 20 years, my mother kept telling me that he loves me, although I always felt that his love was very fickle. Now, after experiencing the events of the past few years, I am sure that he simply does not love me. He loves the benefits he can get for himself even more. When he feels that the payoff is not worth it, he starts to show his selfish side.

I think I am very rational. I have struggled with trusting and confirming, and he has broken my trust time and time again. I can accept the fact that he doesn't love me, but I still feel aggrieved, feel unfair, and feel sorry for myself. But you know what? I'm learning to love myself again!

What kind of fatherly love does the questioner want?

Perhaps the father didn't give the questioner the love he wanted, or perhaps our beautiful expectations and desires for our fathers time and time again turned out to be wishful thinking? What's so frustrating is that this is how my father is!

So, when we feel aggrieved, unfair, and sorry for ourselves, it could be that we're experiencing the gap between our "idealized expectations of our father" and "the actual way our father is in reality."

I had good grades in high school, but he had a short temper and yelled at home all the time. His parents were like a palace drama all day. My college entrance exam score was 100 points lower, but I made up for it in other ways!

From then on, he began to feel that it was not worth investing in me. He was very stingy with my living expenses, not even giving me any. When I went to work, he wouldn't even give me the money for the initial rent and living expenses.

From this description, it's clear that the father has a lot of pent-up frustration and anger. He's also struggling to manage his emotions. It's possible that his parents were also "unqualified" parents.

Oh, I'm sure the questioner must feel puzzled and helpless, right?

— The father's outlook on life/values must be based on his own unique perceptions, and it is difficult for others to change them. But that just means there's an opportunity for growth and change! Is this the father's "problem"?

If you have a father like this at home, he will definitely affect your mood and studies with his "unrestrained" and out-of-control emotions, and even cut your living expenses and not support your necessary living expenses. This is really puzzling, unless he really lacks money.

When he held back my grades, I didn't hate him. I understood that his experience of being abandoned at a young age had made him have a bad personality. But I didn't feel sorry for him. I still got sad, but I also felt excited. I acted like I was indifferent, but I still felt bad. I didn't have any expectations, but I felt aggrieved and envied others.

I don't know what this emotion is, but I'm excited to learn more about it and how it affects me.

I can feel the sincerity, kindness, and empathy of the questioner here, and I applaud you! At the same time, I can see the questioner's acceptance and understanding of his father, which is fantastic!

However, your father's "unqualification" has brought you some sadness, grief, and disappointment. But don't blame yourself! This is simply a result of your father's lack of self-awareness.

Perhaps the father is not quite the image of father the questioner longs for in his heart, coupled with envy of other people's fathers. This has caused the questioner to feel aggrieved and sad, but this is a normal emotional response! You just haven't had the opportunity to pour out your inner grievances to your father, have you?

Absolutely! Many people feel the same way you do about their family of origin. They love and hate it at the same time. They don't know how to deal with their father. They want to leave but can't. They are torn between conflicting emotions. Your father has certainly had an impact on you psychologically. But you can believe that your family of origin and father will not determine the rest of your life!

Let's dive in and explore this together!

In view of the situation described by the questioner, perhaps we can perceive and reconstruct our lives and futures in this way —

Absolutely!

First, accept everything that happened in the past in your original family. It is an unchangeable fact, but you can understand the ins and outs—and you can do it!

[1] Look at the faults of the original family and father with fresh eyes. See the "injustice/sadness/heartache..." that the father has brought to you as an opportunity for growth. Childhood does indeed largely determine the quality of the initial stage of our lives, but self-growth is something that we do for the rest of our lives. Therefore, objectively looking at the pain caused by the father in the original family is also giving yourself a new opportunity to grow!

[2] We come to realize that our fathers were also "victims" of their own families, and that's something we can all relate to!

We know that parenting styles are largely the result of the interaction of various factors such as their family, culture, and society. When we blame our parents for all the harm we have suffered, we are in fact making the individual bear the fault of the entire collective—but there's so much we can learn from this!

For example, some parents, influenced by culture, prefer sons to daughters. They may even make their daughters earn money to buy a house for their younger brothers! Many people received repressive education as children. Even if they do well in exams, their parents will still pour cold water on them. It seems like they are criticizing you, but in fact, it may be because they accepted the concept when they were young: modesty is a virtue, and pride and complacency can easily lead to disaster.

When we put our parents back in the context of their environment, we will find that they did not receive good enough love and education either, and that they themselves even experienced a chaotic and broken family of origin. Just as the original poster described the father's parents as being like a palace drama all day!

It's fascinating to see how the father's previous generation also had their own challenges in passing on good character and emotional management skills to him. This raises an intriguing question: could the father also be seen as a "victim" in this context?

3. Embrace the fact that our parents are imperfect beings, and let's learn from that!

Looking objectively at our family of origin is a great way to let go of our idealized expectations of our parents!

As children, we naturally worship our parents. It's only natural! And at a very early stage, we even think that our parents are perfect and the best in the world.

But as we grow up, we will gradually correct the image of the "idealized parents" in our hearts through repeated experiences. When we realize that "parents are no longer perfect," it is equivalent to going through the process of having our relationship with "ideal parents" broken again—and it's a process that allows us to grow and learn and become the amazing people we are today!

Perhaps we still can't let go of our father's faults because deep down we have idealized our expectations of him. This is an opportunity for growth! For example, "I feel I deserve all of my father's love and attention, but he has his own ideas about life?" or "I feel my father should be perfect, omnipotent, fair and just, but he doesn't live up to that."

So, the disappointment of these expectations eventually evolved into the fault of the father?

[4] We have to admit that the influence of the original family is limited, but there are so many other factors that influence a person's growth!

The good news is that although we will inevitably suffer some harm from our original family, the harm is limited and can be remedied.

There are so many factors that influence a person's growth, in addition to the primary family subsystem! We also come into contact with other circles such as school, friends, and colleagues during our growth process. We also acquire knowledge through various channels. Most importantly, however, our hearts also possess a great deal of psychological resilience, which is our own strength that allows us to better repair and grow ourselves!

?

Second, embrace the opportunity to heal and grow by taking the initiative to make positive changes that will benefit your inner growth.

The good news is that as long as we realize that "change is possible," we will have the courage and possibility to move beyond our pain!

[1] Rediscovering our parents

Even though we've lived with our parents for many years, there's still so much we can learn about their inner world!

There's so much to gain from getting to know our father again! We can see his faults more clearly and move on from the pain more easily. He was just as confused and yearning for the future as we are when he was young.

[2] It's time to adjust your cognitive bias and actively discover the amazing things about your father!

It's time to start looking at our parents in a more positive way! Think about all the good things your father has done for you. What has he done that has touched your heart?

And record it! This is a great way to discover all the amazing things in your life that are going well.

[3] It's time to learn how to separate issues!

To handle interpersonal relationships, including relationships with parents and partners, we have the amazing opportunity to learn to separate issues. That is, we get to distinguish between our own issues and other people's issues! We can take responsibility for our own life issues and avoid imposing other people's issues on ourselves.

[4] First, accept the "pain" that your father has brought you. Learn to reconcile with him, and then reconcile with your father in due course after you have grown strong enough psychologically. You can do it!

There are so many ways to learn and grow! For example, you can learn about writing therapy, read books such as "Why Family Hurts," "Dialogue with the Child Within," "Love Yourself Back," and "Lifelong Growth." You can also share your pain, just as the original poster has come to this site to actively talk about it, which can also alleviate the pain to a certain extent.

If you want to, you can also explore with a mental health professional to help you grow faster!

I'm so excited to share my thoughts on this question! I hope my ideas will get you thinking and inspire you to take action. I'm here to support you in getting over your pain and starting a new life with ease and joy!

Let's do this!

I am your sunshine, your world, and I love you! ??

It's sad to see another child prodigy in a bad family. You could have done well in school, but your family is a mess because of your father's bad mood and your grandparents' bad behavior.

It's hard to learn enlightenment in a bad family. You might have moments of reason, too. This family is not something we can decide.

Knowing your father doesn't love you hurts.

He only loves himself. Your mother lied and said he loves you.

He's erratic and selfish.

It's hard.

No love.

When we are born, most things are already decided. We cannot easily achieve the small goal of 100 million a month.

Recognize your family situation and break away from it.

Don't depend on your father's love. Have other people love you.

Many people find true love.

Your father may have once trusted you, but it's hard to trust him now. After so many disappointments, it's easy to despair. The other party is still to blame for breaking the trust. Hot-tempered personalities don't help.

Your college entrance exam score was low, so you don't think it's worth investing in. You're even stingy with living expenses. He doesn't think about that either. Other people's parents can spend time with them from childhood to adulthood and create a harmonious family atmosphere.

You can even book a "college entrance exam room" for your child.

Your father has given you little, but he has also passed on his own negative emotions. Perhaps he has his own wounds from his family of origin.

Sometimes you'll envy other people's parents, homes, and educational resources. It's hard to predict how our own families will turn out.

You can decide for yourself what your career plan is, where you want to develop in the future, and whether you can have your own little world. You can also read books about family and counseling to help you heal. Good luck.

ZQ?

Hi, I'm Good Will Hunting, a national second-level psychological counselor.

I've read your account and I understand what you're saying.

I can tell you're going through a rough patch. You know your father doesn't love you, but it's still tough. What can you do?

Let's take a look at your story and see if we can make sense of it.

1. His own father doesn't love him, only himself. But for more than 20 years, my mother has always told me that he loves me, although I have always felt that his love is very fickle. Now that I have experienced the events of recent years, I am certain that he simply does not love me.

He's more concerned with his own interests. When he feels it's not worth the investment, he tends to act selfishly.

2. I think I'm pretty rational. I've struggled, trusted, and confirmed, but he's broken my trust time and time again. I can accept that he doesn't love me, but I still feel aggrieved, feel unfair, and feel sorry for myself.

3. I did well in high school, but he was short-tempered and yelled at home all the time. His parents were pretty intense. My college entrance exam score was 100 points lower.

From then on, he started to feel like it wasn't worth investing in me. He was also pretty stingy with living expenses, not even giving them to me and not giving me the initial rent money and living expenses when I started working.

4. When he held back my grades, I didn't hate him. I understood that his experience of being abandoned at a young age had made him have a bad personality. But I didn't feel sorry for him. I still got sad. I acted like I was indifferent, but I still felt bad. I didn't have any expectations, but I felt aggrieved and envied others.

I'm not sure what this emotion is, but I don't want it to affect me.

You feel like your dad's love is unstable and it has a big impact on you. That's why you've always been concerned about and exploring this part of yourself. You may have your own definition of love. You feel like your dad only loves you when you can do those things, and you feel like he doesn't love you when you can't do those things. Try to understand.

Have you ever considered that your father might also love you in his own way, even if it doesn't meet your standards?

Some people are just better at love than others, and that's often down to their early childhood experiences.

This is just a reference for you, and I hope it helps. Please keep sending messages if you have any questions.

It is evident that an individual who lacks love for others is unable to love themselves. My father's inner deficiency in love is apparent. His experience of abandonment has instilled him with insecurity, which may have also led to feelings of undeservingness. His irritability towards his family is a direct reflection of the fact that his inner needs have never been met. As an adult, he appears to be uncertain about how to express himself as a man or is reluctant to do so.

It is often challenging for individuals to provide what they themselves lack. Past hurts can manifest in intimate relationships and parent-child relationships. If family members lack awareness of this, it can lead to the conclusion that they are unloved. From this perspective, it is essential to be more compassionate, gentle, and tolerant towards those who lack love.

As a child, you likely spent a significant amount of time attempting to validate your father's love for you. This is a common developmental stage. When we have a thought planted in our minds, we tend to select the facts we are willing to acknowledge. You have recognized this, have you not?

Even if he had been silent during my college entrance exams, I would not have responded in this manner. He did not offer support when I first began my career, which is evidence of his lack of support. When these disagreements become more frequent, I am causing myself more harm.

It is therefore important to consider the role of thoughts in influencing emotions. In many cases, thoughts can serve as the foundation for emotional responses. For instance, when we encounter an upsetting situation in the morning, we may anticipate that it will affect our mood for the rest of the day. To illustrate this concept, you can conduct a simple experiment. When emotions or conflicts arise, try modifying your thoughts.

I will provide an example from my own experience. My family is quite large, but no one volunteers to do the dishes. As a result, I am responsible for the majority of the dishes, and I frequently question whether I am the primary caretaker for my family. This line of thinking has caused me significant distress, and I often express my frustration when I am washing dishes.

I then reconsidered. Washing dishes is a relatively straightforward task. I decided to view it as a form of exercise, and considered how it could contribute to my weight loss goals.

Furthermore, it is more detrimental to sit or lie down after eating. Listening to music while doing the dishes is actually quite pleasant.

Mindfulness is a crucial factor in this process. When something occurs, it is essentially neutral. The direction it takes is determined by whether you choose to view it positively or negatively. The choice of how to view it is entirely up to you.

It is not within our power to request that others alter their behaviour, but we can certainly modify our own perspective.

When I feel unloved, I remind myself that it's not that he doesn't love me, it's just that he doesn't know how. Our love can be a kind of healing, benefiting both of us and those around us. Sometimes, if you can help others a little, it can improve your own sense of well-being.

It is possible to move on from past experiences. We should aim to live in a positive environment for the remainder of our lives. If we do so, there is no need to dwell on past difficulties. By adopting a positive outlook and learning to love, we can overcome our fears.

Good day. I am Gu Yi, and I maintain the same modest and self-effacing demeanor that I have always exhibited.

The act of acknowledging a lack of love is often accompanied by a profound sense of distress.

It is essential to acknowledge and comprehend the present circumstances.

For individuals who have discovered that they are not loved by their parents and who have reached a conclusion through years of verification, it is likely that this process and result will cause distress. Nevertheless, despite the discomfort it may cause, it is essential to acknowledge and accept the facts as they are presented.

The capacity to love is contingent upon individual differences, and the manner of expressing love shapes each person's worldview. It is therefore imperative to cultivate one's own feelings. In the event that one is unable to experience love, it is crucial to embrace self-love.

This is the only way in which we can treat ourselves better.

From the description, it is evident that the OP has already made significant personal sacrifices for the sake of this relationship, whether in the form of compromising their academic performance or meeting their emotional needs. If we have previously relied on others due to our perceived limitations, then in the future, our independence will undoubtedly lead to a renewed appreciation for life after we have come to terms with its inherent truths.

It is imperative to enhance one's quality of life in the realm of romantic relationships.

After years of internal conflict, the current situation is suboptimal. It is therefore necessary to end this internal conflict. In fact, whether others love you or not is far less important than whether you love yourself. People will show multiple faces in the face of interests, and we cannot expect everyone to be selfless. It is therefore important to try to make yourself happy as much as possible and end the internal conflict.

If previously one did not have the option of choosing one's own life path, now that one is an adult with a job, one is fully capable of making that choice. Every adult has experienced a multitude of emotional experiences, so it is time to move on and establish clear boundaries. Only by learning to set and respect boundaries can one truly flourish.

As human beings, we are all novices in the grand scheme of life. We are all endowed with the capacity for love. It is this love that motivates us to inquire about the state of self-love in others. Therefore, if you possess love in your heart, express it openly. If circumstances permit, extend yourself further. If we can cultivate a greater capacity for love, then let us love more.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello, Questioner.

You feel sad and disappointed because your father doesn't love you. You don't want to feel this way, so you try to avoid it. But deep down, you want your father's love. You envy and resent others for having it. I understand how you feel. You want and don't want it at the same time.

You feel sad, unhappy, angry, and frustrated towards your father for not loving you. You also think your father has affected your studies and work. For example, he argued with your grandparents before the college entrance exam, which made you feel bad and resulted in a 100-point drop in your score.

He didn't give you rent or living expenses at the beginning of your work, making you disappointed and distrustful of him. You feel unfair and pitiful.

You are in pain and feel resentful after learning that your father doesn't love you. You struggle with this, and it hurts.

Your father doesn't love you, but you understand him. His early abandonment made him grumpy and selfish.

You feel your father has never loved you, but you've always wanted him to.

You feel your father doesn't love you, but you love him. This causes pain.

You want to stop loving your father, but you can't.

"When he held me back, I didn't hate him. I understood that his bad character was caused by his experience of being abandoned. But I didn't do anything to wrong him. I still feel sad. I put on a cold exterior, but it still hurts. I don't have any expectations, but I feel aggrieved and envy others. I don't know what this emotion is."

You want to give up on your father. You want to ignore him and not expect anything. But deep down, you will envy others for having a father's love. You will always love your father and want him to love you.

Why doesn't your father love you?

There are two possible scenarios:

If the father doesn't have love to give, what can he give you? This may be related to his parents. You also said that he and his parents had a big fight before your college entrance exam. The father had the experience of being abandoned and has a violent personality, which is all related to a lack of love.

A father who lacks affection has also not been loved by his parents. He is unable to love his children.

Second, your father is afraid to love you. He pushes you away to protect you, but his methods may be too simple and rude, which makes you feel hurt.

You can find out if you have an Oedipal complex.

What should an adult daughter do if she didn't get any fatherly love during her formative years?

1. Accept your fate. You were born with such parents: a father who doesn't love, a father who doesn't know how to love, a father with a bad character.

2. Grow up and learn to love and satisfy yourself. Stop being entangled with your father.

3. Get your own life. Have a job, friends, hobbies, and live independently.

4. Find a boyfriend or husband you love.

First and foremost, he should come and offer you a hug. After reading your account, I empathize with your situation. Meeting such a father is truly unfortunate.

You have indicated that you understand his situation and do not hold him in contempt. You believe that his early abandonment has shaped his personality and that he did not receive sufficient love during his own growth process. This is precisely the point I wish to convey to you.

You recognize that he experiences a sense of abandonment. He was raised without the love of his parents, which may have shaped his capacity for love and ability to provide a typical level of care. Notably, during your college entrance exam, his parents exhibited behaviors reminiscent of those seen in palace intrigue dramas.

This may be an intractable problem for him. He is overwhelmed by the demands of his own issues.

He is no longer able to provide care for others.

As a son, you are already an exemplary child to think this way. In any case, your mother reassures you daily of her love, despite your perception of your father's selfishness and lack of genuine affection.

However, you have the ability to understand him, which is not a common trait.

You have not wronged your father, yet you remain sad. This is a common occurrence. Most children desire the love of their parents. Furthermore, you still have your mother reassuring you daily that your father loves you.

It is reasonable to conclude that your father has certain expectations. However, it is also understandable that you have lost trust in him due to past disappointments.

It is understandable that this situation causes you distress. It is commonly acknowledged that parents provide their children with emotional support.

Furthermore, your father did not meet your expectations, which must be a source of disappointment for you.

Fortunately, you are aware of your emotions and are motivated to make a change. Your thoughts are on point.

Now that you have graduated from university and are working independently, you are in a position to decide for yourself how to live your life.

To overcome a challenging situation, it is first necessary to address your emotions.

When experiencing negative emotions, it is important to acknowledge the feelings and recognize the need for paternal love. This is a normal human desire, and it is an option to prioritize self-love.

It is important to take care of your emotions. While our parents are a gift from God that cannot be changed or chosen, how we deal with our emotions and what lifestyle we choose is something we can control.

Similarly, one can simultaneously benefit from the warmth and brightness of sunlight while standing in its shadow.

Once a decision has been made regarding the desired lifestyle, the next step is to put in the necessary work to achieve it.

Additionally, you can cultivate relationships with individuals you wish to connect with at work, within your social circle, among your university peers, and with high school classmates. This can help you build a robust social support system, providing you with a network of people to engage in conversation, offer comfort, and provide support when needed.

It is important to remember that you are not alone in this situation. You have the support of your mother and friends, your career, and your own ideals and pursuits.

These resources are available to provide support.

Please know that you can use this platform to express your frustrations. I hope I can be of assistance, and I wish you well.

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach. I will do my best to provide a warm and supportive space for you to share your emotional story with sincerity.

I sense your longing to receive your father's love and attention. It seems that you may have felt a lack of love and attention from your father, which has left you with an unfulfilled need that has caused you a great deal of pain. This pain has manifested in various ways, including feelings of loneliness, helplessness, and a sense of worthlessness, as well as a sense of hatred.

It is not so much the father we hate, but rather our own feelings of powerlessness and weakness for not caring about or paying attention to ourselves that we tend to direct our negative feelings towards.

We would like to offer you a warm hug first, and then we will look at the problem together.

1. Fathers can play an important role in their children's lives.

It can be said that fathers have a significant impact on their children's lives, whether the child is a boy or a girl. This impact can be seen in the "lifting function" and the "hero function."

Do you recall when you were younger and your father lifted you up high? In his embrace, it seemed as though the world was a higher and broader place. As we grew up, our fathers took us to play some risky games and explore with us. This process was very important.

Our fathers provide us with the strength to explore the world, thanks to their supportive presence.

And "the function of a hero": when we encounter some difficulties, we often find ourselves thinking of our fathers for help, whether it's to lift heavy objects or even open bottle caps. Having a hero like our fathers by our side, we feel very safe and secure.

It could be said that fathers have a greater influence on their daughters than on their sons. Fathers give their daughters a sense of self-worth and pride, which can give them the strength to live.

Additionally, the father provides the daughter with an example of how to interact with the opposite sex in the future. The father is often the first person of the opposite sex that the daughter encounters in her life. The father's image, various models, and the father's approach to interacting with his daughter may all influence the daughter's future choice of spouse and her ability to navigate intimate relationships.

It is often the case that the affirmation, praise, and recognition we most desire in this world come from our parents. However, it seems that your father's attitude towards you and the way you interact with each other have left your needs unmet.

It can be quite challenging and frustrating when one's needs are not met.

2. It might be helpful to view your father from a "human to human" perspective.

In many Chinese families, each member tends to take on their own specific responsibilities. The father often assumes the financial responsibilities of the family, the mother typically takes on the responsibility of raising and educating the children, the children frequently take on the responsibility of their studies, and they sometimes even take on the emotions of their mother (father). Everyone generally works hard within their own responsibilities, and there is often a lack of extra strength to support each other, which can sometimes become a source of burden for each other.

It is also possible that the father's own character flaws may affect the child's growth. Some fathers may not know how to communicate well with their children or how to love them, because they themselves also lacked love.

Love is a kind of ability, and some people may not have had the opportunity to learn how to show it. As you mentioned, your father was abandoned at a young age, and his parents were quite passionate about their differences.

This experience has shaped the way you perceive your relationship with your father, giving you the impression that he is distant and uninterested.

It might be helpful to distinguish between the role of fatherhood and the father's behavior. It seems that the father loves you, but may not fully understand how to express love or what constitutes true love for a child.

Perhaps when we look back, we could try to understand our fathers by putting ourselves in their shoes.

It is possible that you have not had the opportunity to engage in a meaningful conversation with your father for some time. Some individuals may find themselves in a prolonged state of confrontation with their parents, even as adults, which can impede the ability to engage in constructive dialogue about their fathers.

Perhaps we are still fighting against our fathers with the feelings of a child. It may be that we have not yet had the opportunity to get to know our fathers as people.

If we, as adults, were to get to know another adult who is a stranger to us, then in the process, we may be able to discover something and gain a deeper understanding of another person's life.

Perhaps if you were to consider getting to know your father as a stranger, you might be curious about how he grew up in his family of origin, how he met your mother, and what experiences he may have had.

If you could find out how the core emotions of your father interact with your own core emotions (anger, sadness), it might help you understand your father and yourself better.

3. Consider establishing some distance from your parents' issues.

It is important to remember that parents, like anyone else, have their own life issues and limitations. As an adult, it is your responsibility to take the lead in your own growth and development.

It may be helpful to consider achieving a sense of separation from your family of origin and psychological distance from your parents.

The book "Fly like an elephant bird to your mountain" offers insights on how to transcend the influence of one's original family and achieve self-breakthrough. It acknowledges the profound impact that one's original family and parents can have on an individual's life.

However, if we consider the issue from a variety of perspectives and take into account the limitations of our parents based on their upbringing and the era in which they grew up, we may gain a deeper understanding and a broader range of options.

Everyone comes into our lives to help us complete important lessons, and parents are no exception. You may find this lesson in the way your father interacts with you, and it would be beneficial to consider it carefully. It may be understanding and forgiveness, love and care, independence and strength.

Growing up can evoke a range of emotions. Allow yourself to experience these emotions and consider what sources of satisfaction might be behind them. In addition to the satisfaction gained from your parents' attention and love, what other sources of satisfaction might you find?

It is important to accept that your parents are imperfect, as they are human beings first and our parents second. Similarly, understanding and forgiving others allows us to move on from past mistakes.

I hope these words are helpful to you, and I wish you well in all your endeavors.

If you would like to continue the conversation, you are welcome to click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello! I'm smiling.

I understand your question better now. I'll give you a hug.

You know your father doesn't love you, but it still hurts.

Your relationship with your father is complicated. You want his love and care, but he doesn't love you the way you want. This makes you passive. You don't know how to say you want this kind of love, so you don't. This has made your relationship unhealthy because you don't communicate well.

You understand your father's way of getting along with you, but you are still sad. You haven't done anything wrong, but your father still treats you this way, which makes you feel bad. You try to be indifferent, but you still care. Your father is important to you, so you want to receive love and recognition from him.

I have also summarized ways to help you. I hope it helps.

(1) You can accept your father's way of doing things because he didn't get more love as a child.

(2) Your father's love may not be what you expect, but he tries to show you love in his own way.

(3) Accept your father's way of loving you. Resisting him will make things harder.

(4) Talk to friends or relatives to relieve your emotions.

(5) Distract yourself. Do something you like instead of spending all your time on your father's affairs.

I love you!

Take care.

It might be said that parents do not always love their children, but children are naturally loyal to their parents.

Over the course of more than 20 years, the questioner spent a significant amount of time with her father. During this period, she experienced repeated instances of hurt from him. Initially, she placed her trust in him. She then tried to understand him when she failed her college entrance exam. Currently, she feels aggrieved and envious. Despite her outward calm, she is still suffering. These many complex emotions are intertwined, making it challenging to untangle them. It is not difficult to imagine how they are affecting the questioner emotionally, leaving her feeling overwhelmed.

It is my sincere hope that the following words will offer you some measure of comfort and provide a pathway for you to express your emotions in a healthy manner.

It is my sincere hope that the following words will offer you some measure of comfort and provide a pathway for expressing your emotions in a constructive manner.

Firstly, with regard to

First, with regard to

I'm not entirely sure what this emotion is, but I'd like to find a way to make it less impactful on me.

It might be helpful to consider two possible factors.

It could be said that a lack of love from one's father can have a significant impact on one's sense of self-worth.

It could be said that among the major relationships in human beings, the parent-child relationship plays an extremely important role in an individual's mental health and self-worth.

If the child's primary caregiver, typically the biological parent, is unable to provide the child with the love and care they need, the child may develop the belief that they are not good enough or that they are terrible.

Such self-denial can have a significant impact on one's mental health. For a child, it can be challenging to understand that the problem may not be entirely their own, but rather a result of the adult's own experiences and challenges.

It is also worth noting that a lack of self-worth can impact one's sense of integrity. A fragmented presentation of the self can easily become an understanding of the self, which can in turn lead to feelings of being "unbearable." It is important to recognise that rational understanding does not stop the flow of emotions, which is a natural instinct for humans to feel hurt or sad.

2. It is possible that the collapse of the ideal father may cause emotional turmoil.

2. It is understandable that the collapse of the ideal father's investment could potentially lead to emotional turmoil and suffering.

For the father, after more than 20 years of struggling, trusting, and confirming, it can be seen that the questioner himself has also made a lot of efforts and attempts. As he grew older and faced challenges, including failing the college entrance exam, it's understandable that the hope he had received over the years might have started to wane. When his father expressed doubts about the value of his efforts, it's natural that the ideal father he had envisioned might have seemed to collapse.

For a child, such a collapse can be likened to a 10-magnitude earthquake in their inner world.

It is understandable that the harsh reality and inner hope form a stark contrast, which can lead to inner turmoil.

Secondly, you may wish to consider the following perspectives as a way of reducing the impact.

Secondly, you may wish to consider the following perspectives as a way of reducing the impact:

1. It might be helpful to try to accept your own suffering, and to mourn it as you would the loss of an important other person.

While my father was not physically absent, the disappointment of the idealized father figure and the resulting sense of self-worthlessness can be seen as a kind of loss.

Such a loss can also lead to feelings of helplessness and sadness, particularly when it comes to the lack of attention one receives from others.

It might be helpful to consider that accepting before rejecting could be a way to reduce the impact.

It is worth noting that the emotional mechanisms of human beings have developed to the point where they have extremely well-developed self-operating mechanisms. This means that the more they are denied, the more they will provoke strong resistance in the individual.

Such confrontation can sometimes leave us feeling a little drained and unsure of how to proceed.

It may be helpful to allow yourself some time and space to process your emotions fully in the midst of such a loss. Allowing time to complete the mourning process can also be beneficial, as it can provide you with the strength to start again.

2. Strive to set an example in your heart, and work towards getting close to this example, with the goal of achieving self-realization.

It is a harsh reality that we cannot choose our origins or our parents. On the other hand, it is a wonderful thing that we can choose, on our own, who occupies an important place in our hearts after we become adults.

It is challenging to alter the selfish nature of the father and his personal struggles. However, the individual seeking guidance may find the strength to embrace a new beginning after the period of mourning has passed.

The beginning of a new life can be the choice of a role model you admire, whether that be the image of your ideal father or the image of your ideal self. It can also be based on others around you in reality, or it can be the way you expect yourself to be.

When you encounter setbacks or hardships, this role model can serve as a source of guidance, offering support and direction towards a life that aligns with your aspirations.

3. It may be helpful to consider developing other social support systems to enrich your life.

While the father's position is undoubtedly significant, it's important to acknowledge that reality often presents unique challenges. As adults, we have the opportunity to shape our own lives, including the choice of friends, partners, and the option of seeking professional psychological services or joining mutual support groups with similar issues.

These interpersonal interactions may potentially assist the questioner in overcoming the influence of a lack of love for their father, establishing their own beneficial interpersonal ecosystem, and thus gaining a new life that belongs to you.

I'm not trying to delve into the intricacies of human nature, but rather offer a therapist's perspective on the emotional well-being of the human heart. I hope you find this advice beneficial.

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your inquiry. Best regards, Xiaobai

My name is Xiaobai, and I am here to help. I hope that I can assist you in alleviating your concerns.

From your description, I can tell that you are unhappy, sad, and aggrieved. I empathize with your situation and want to extend my support. I have also read some of the answers from other respondents, and I would like to add some of my views for your reference.

Let us first examine the particular issue raised by the questioner and attempt to interpret and analyze it.

It is still challenging to accept the reality that my father does not love me. What steps should I take?

It is evident that his father does not love him, only himself. However, for over 20 years, my mother consistently asserted that he loved me. Despite my perception of his affection as somewhat fickle, the recent events have led me to conclude that his love for me is not genuine. It is clear that he prioritizes the benefits he can derive from me over any genuine emotional attachment. When he deems the effort not worthwhile, he displays a selfish nature.

I consider myself to be very rational. Despite my efforts to trust and confirm, he has repeatedly broken my trust. While I accept that he does not love me, I still feel aggrieved, treated unfairly, and sorry for myself.

I had good grades in high school, but he was prone to anger outbursts and frequently yelled at home. His parents were engaged in a constant state of conflict. My college entrance exam score was 100 points lower than it would have been otherwise.

From that point onward, he began to feel that investing in me was not a worthwhile endeavor. He was also quite parsimonious with living expenses and even refused to provide them. Furthermore, he declined to pay for the initial rent and living expenses when I began working.

When he withheld my grades, I did not hold him in contempt. I recognized that his upbringing had shaped his personality in a negative manner. However, I did not feel sorry for him. I still experienced sadness. I presented a detached demeanor, but I still felt distress. I had no expectations, yet I felt aggrieved and envied others.

I am unsure what this emotion is, but I do not wish for it to affect me.

1. Demonstrate a strong work ethic and self-assurance, and recognize that you have the support of others.

It is important to note that some individuals seek to enhance their willpower. Your father can be viewed as one such individual, providing motivation and encouragement to become a more accomplished and dedicated person. It is also essential to recognize the love and support from other individuals in your life, including your mother, grandparents, siblings, and romantic partner.

2. Schedule a suitable time and location for a productive discussion with your father.

It is important to recognize that you should love yourself regardless of external factors. It would be beneficial to communicate with your father to ascertain whether your concerns are a result of miscommunication or genuine disinterest. If the issue is merely a misunderstanding, it can be resolved, allowing you to move forward with a positive outlook.

? 3. As a result of your exemplary conduct in the presence of your father, I am confident that he has recognized your positive attributes. I believe that he will come to accept you unreservedly in due course.

4. Self-love is a key to avoiding self-sabotage.

It is not uncommon for parents to exhibit a lack of affection towards their children. However, despite this, they still offer physical contact. This reinforces the importance of self-love and self-care.

Determine your objectives and pursue them with determination.

It is recommended that you find a romantic partner who reciprocates your feelings, treats you well, and treats you with respect.

Please proceed with your desired actions, embrace the present moment, and minimize concerns about the past and future. Focus on the present.

You will gain new experiences.

Always prioritize self-care and self-love.

The reality is that the truth can be harsh, potentially causing emotional distress. Self-deception can lead to a lack of resilience and an increased vulnerability to adverse effects over time.

The truth is the truth, and it is readily available. Accepting and recognizing it can provide strength.

‼ Do not harbor resentment. It will only diminish your strength and impede your progress. Do not abandon your personal growth due to external circumstances. You are the architect of your life, and you are the sole arbiter of your experiences.

Even in the absence of parental affection, self-love will pave the way for future relationships with individuals who genuinely care for you. You will cultivate friendships and form a partnership with someone who truly values you. Even in solitude, a life of self-love will be fulfilling.

In conclusion, I hope you will find these views helpful.

Best regards, The World and I wish you well.

Dear Question Asker, I am honored to have the opportunity to respond to your inquiry.

The conflicting, helpless, and powerless feelings that arise within the subject can be understood as if they were controlling the subject's emotions. During childhood, the subject may have exhibited skepticism about their father's love, yet despite this, they may have attempted to discern whether their father loved them.

The evidence suggests that your father's love was directed primarily towards himself, rather than towards you. It is likely that you experienced feelings of profound sadness and loss, coupled with a sense of injustice. Why did he treat you in this manner, despite your lack of transgression towards him?

The emotional source

Upon confirmation of the absence of paternal love, the realization would have constituted a significant emotional trauma during childhood.

In order to avoid experiencing overwhelming sadness and helplessness, individuals tend to suppress their inner feelings by engaging in rationalization, whereby they justify their father's actions by attributing them to his selfishness, short-temper, or other perceived shortcomings.

These rationalizations appear to reduce the conflict within the individual, yet the underlying need for paternal love has become an "unfinished complex," deeply rooted in the subconscious. Despite accepting the unconscious reality of a lack of paternal love, the individual remains unable to let go of the matter and continues to dwell on it.

This is likely the source of those unidentified emotional states.

The following section addresses the inner needs that may be influencing the subject's behavior.

It is reasonable to posit that the need to seek love during childhood is a normal human need.

In accordance with Maslow's hierarchy of needs, once an individual's physiological and safety requirements have been fulfilled, they will inherently progress to the stage of seeking respect and love.

The unmet need is the root of the suffering. The feelings of grievance, injustice, disappointment, and powerlessness are ever-present, and there is even a sense of envy towards others who have experienced paternal love.

Therefore, the child within you remains trapped, unable to emerge and develop until the underlying needs are met.

What is the recommended course of action?

☞First, it is essential to achieve a state of inner peace. It is crucial to recognize and accept one's needs. When experiencing a lack of respect and love from one's father, it is important to acknowledge the associated emotions of loss. It is essential to accept oneself as one is, while simultaneously recognizing that these feelings do not define one's worth or merit. It is imperative to avoid self-blame or self-doubt.

Secondly, it is important to identify alternative sources of respect and love. While the father may be a primary source of these emotions, they can also be gained through other channels. Altruistic activities such as volunteering or maintaining a high level of support with one's mother can provide a sense of respect and love.

As a final recommendation, it is advised that you seek psychological counseling to discuss your authentic inner needs with a trained professional.

The preceding statements represent solely the personal opinions of the author and are offered in the hope that they will prove both helpful and inspiring to the reader.

I am grateful for your assistance.