What does my mother-in-law mean when she says that my husband still has the same set of autumn clothes that she bought for him in the past?

I just wanted to give you a big hug! You are such a wonderful daughter-in-law. I'm so impressed that you bought clothes for your in-laws and delivered them to their room.

She was so attentive and considerate!

I can see why you were upset to hear your mother-in-law say that. Have you had a chance to think about it? I think it might help to ask yourself: do you understand what you heard?

I can see why you're feeling a little down. It seems like your mother-in-law was saying that she bought your husband his pajamas when he was a kid. It's like she was implying that you didn't buy him any new clothes. I know it can feel like she's blaming you for not having any new clothes for him to wear. I'm here to reassure you that I understand how you're feeling.

But did you get a chance to hear what your mother-in-law said to your husband before or after that? Is that all you heard?

If this is all you heard, it's totally possible that your mother-in-law meant your husband and not necessarily you. Even if she really meant this, I think your husband is quite protective of you and said he didn't need it.

It's so true that many men who love their wives are really willing to save all their money for their wives and families, and they don't pay enough attention to themselves. I think that no matter what the situation is, you have a sense of well-being.

Why? Let me take a look at it with you.

1. Your mother-in-law was probably overjoyed to receive the new clothes because she was happy and wanted to share them. At that time, she saw that your husband was still wearing the clothes he bought back then. I'm sure it must have been a bit of a heartbreaker for her, seeing her own son in the same clothes she bought for him. She wanted to give them new clothes, but he was still reluctant to part with them (in your mother-in-law's heart, most of the clothes you bought were probably paid for with your son's earnings, right?). So the filial piety you showed them was the same as the filial piety your son showed. That's why your mother-in-law felt sad.

I think that's why your husband said he didn't need them, right?

I'm sure your husband's comment was meant to reassure his mother-in-law and make her feel at ease about accepting the new clothes.

2. If your mother-in-law's words are really about her feeling that you could take better care of her son, then your son's remark that he doesn't need it must be a way of defending you.

He doesn't need to, so there's no need to worry about that. He takes all the blame on himself and focuses the conflict on himself. If he doesn't love you, why would he do that?

3. I'm so happy to see how well you and your husband get along! It's so lovely that he defends you, and it shows how much you care for your in-laws. It's a wonderful virtuous cycle of relationships! Even if there are some differences of opinion between you and your mother-in-law, and sometimes there are some misunderstandings, your husband is there to help you resolve them.

So, when you're unhappy, don't hold it in. And if you feel happy after reading my reply, don't hold it in either! Everything has two sides, and I can tell from your actions that your family is happy.

I think that's the most important thing, don't you?

I know this is tough, but I'm here to help. If you want to defend yourself against your mother-in-law's criticism, it's actually very simple. Just take out your husband's other underwear and wash and dry them in the beautiful autumn sunshine to show your love for him. I promise you, your mother-in-law's criticism will dissipate naturally, and you won't even have to say a word.

And remember, you must keep on being happy!

Hello, host. I am honored to answer your question. After reading your information, I understand that you felt uncomfortable when your mother-in-law said that your husband still buys his son's autumn clothes in Shenzhen himself. It seems that you wanted to argue with her, but you felt that you were being a bit too much. I can understand why your mother-in-law's comment made you unhappy.

It seems that the mother-in-law's words may imply that, in her husband's heart, his mother holds a greater place of importance than his wife.

It seems that you may have experienced a disagreement with your mother-in-law regarding the control of your husband. Could I ask how long you have been married to your husband?

There is nothing wrong with trying to get closer to your in-laws by buying them clothes. I apologize if my comment about the autumn clothes I bought you came across as unintentionally critical.

While the husband and wife are the primary relationship, it is important to remember that your husband still has a connection to his mother and is also your child's father. It would be beneficial to allow him a certain degree of flexibility when he needs to play other roles.

In this situation, if you and your mother-in-law have a disagreement, it might create more trouble for your husband, who will be caught in the middle and torn between the two sides. One way to solve this could be for you to buy your husband a few more comfortable and newer models of pajamas, and when he washes his clothes, he can replace the old ones with those new ones.

In this relationship, it is important to remember that your concerns should not be about your husband's attire, but rather about your mother-in-law's behavior, which may give rise to a desire for control. Your mother-in-law buys your husband's autumn clothes and cares about your husband for his well-being.

You married your husband to form a new family, and you also hope that he will become more and more successful at work and in life. As your mother-in-law grows older, she may find it more difficult to accompany and take care of your husband, and you may find yourself taking on more of this responsibility.

Sister, it is important to remember that the nature of your relationship with your mother-in-law is a baton handover, not a battle for control of your husband. It is crucial to keep this in mind.

If you have a good relationship with your mother-in-law, you may feel more comfortable. I am happy to have an appointment on 1983. I hope this finds you well!

Hello, host! I'm Xiaolan, a family psychology consultant, and I'll answer with the utmost sincerity.

From what you've told me, it seems like you feel a bit inferior in your current family situation.

Your mother-in-law said that her husband's autumn clothes were still the ones he bought for him before. This makes you feel uncomfortable, and I think it makes you feel that your mother-in-law is blaming you for not taking good care of your husband.

I don't know the specifics of your family situation, so I can only speculate.

From what I've seen, in a situation like yours, the man's family is probably more well-off than yours. When you married into their family, you probably felt a little inferior inside.

So, when you feel this way, you'll probably focus more on your self-esteem and your role in the family.

But this feeling can also make things difficult. It can get in the way of communication between you, your husband, and your mother-in-law.

It's tough for you to have a good exchange. Maybe you're both hoping for the same thing, but at the end of the day, you might feel like the other person is blaming you or looking down on you.

If that's the case, it'll only make things worse and put your husband in a tough spot. I'm sure you'd like to change things, too.

So, the best thing you can do now is find your own value and contribution in this relationship by choosing your own position and then build your self-confidence.

This will help you manage your family relationships more easily.

If you need to talk, I can help you figure out what to do about it.

I really hope you find happiness along the way!

Hello!

Buying clothes for your in-laws is a great way to show your feelings! But, you feel a little bummed out because of a comment from your mother-in-law. You feel a little aggrieved and confused inside, and you're not sure how to deal with your emotions or how to get along with your mother-in-law.

It's time to get to know yourself better! Start by paying attention to your own thinking and emotional patterns.

Think about why you feel so bad about what your mother-in-law said. Amazingly, the reason why a particular event can bring out strong emotional feelings in us is that our own beliefs and ways of thinking are at play!

This is the ABC theory of cognitive psychology, and it's a game-changer! It turns traditional thinking on its head by suggesting that negative emotions and behavioural consequences (C) are not directly triggered by a certain triggering event (A). Instead, they are caused by the beliefs (B) of the individual experiencing the event.

The amazing thing is that the same thing can cause different emotional experiences in different people. So, your mother-in-law's comment might not necessarily make you feel bad inside. It's also possible that some of your own beliefs and thoughts are at work. Explore this part of yourself, what kind of logical thinking process is at work, and whether it is possible that some of your beliefs are unreasonable. For example, you may have too many expectations of others. Similarly, you should try to understand how your emotions are caused, and whether some of your past emotional experiences are activated in the process. Try to adjust your unreasonable beliefs and emotional patterns. You've got this!

2. Learn to communicate with your family and express yourself skillfully!

When you feel uncomfortable, the first thing that comes to mind is whether or not to argue with your mother-in-law. This shows that you actually have the idea and urge to express your emotions, which is great! However, arguing is not advisable because it may cause emotional opposition between the two sides, triggering unnecessary conflicts and clashes.

When we have emotions and feelings, we can express them in front of our family, and it's a great opportunity to show our loved ones how we feel! When expressing emotions, we should not express emotions with emotions, but try to control our emotions as much as possible and use a rational and calm tone to express our feelings.

It's also a great idea to listen to others. Sometimes our own thoughts can be very subjective, and without understanding what others are saying, we may react directly to what we think they are saying, which often leads to misunderstandings. So, why not try this instead? First, ask the other person why they said that and what they meant. You'll be amazed at how much more rational and effective communication will be when you listen to others and understand their inner thoughts before reacting!

3. Li Qing Family relationships: First and foremost, it's so important to maintain a good relationship with your husband and keep a sense of boundaries in interpersonal relationships.

Your relationship with your in-laws is a wonderful extension of the amazing bond you share with your husband. He is your rock! The most important thing is to keep the love flowing between you and your husband. Talk to him often, share your feelings, and listen to his. He is your biggest cheerleader and supporter. When you need a shoulder to lean on, he is there for you. He can also help you navigate tricky situations with your in-laws. Let him step in to mediate when needed. He is your partner in crime!

It's important to maintain a certain boundary in your relationship with your in-laws. If you're ever unsure how to handle something, your husband is always there to offer advice and suggestions. After all, they have a closer relationship and understand each other better. Let your husband become a bridge of communication between you and your in-laws, and watch family relationships become more harmonious!

I hope you are having a great day!

I really hope Hongyu's reply helps you! Thank you so much for asking!

Good day, host. From your account, it is evident that you are experiencing a sense of injustice. It appears that your actions and intentions have not been acknowledged or reciprocated by the other party.

Furthermore, it appears that she holds you responsible for failing to demonstrate affection for her son. This situation has the effect of causing you to experience feelings of discomfort and depression.

First, it is essential to clearly define the role of each individual.

In life, individuals assume a multitude of roles, each with its own set of responsibilities. A person may be a spouse, a daughter-in-law, a parent, or a mother. Each of these roles entails a unique set of obligations.

It is evident that the hostess is attempting to fulfill the role of a commendable daughter-in-law. However, the mother-in-law has not yet assumed the role of a mother-in-law, which remains ambiguous.

It is her prerogative.

2. It is essential to clearly define one's respective ideas.

The hostess's objective is to elicit gratitude from her mother-in-law for her efforts, or, in other words, to gain recognition from her mother-in-law. This is the hostess's idea.

The mother-in-law's hope is that the hostess will assume responsibility for caring for her son. The mother-in-law's attention is exclusively focused on her son, with minimal consideration for other individuals in her life.

The mother-in-law has her own ideas, which are distinct from those of the hostess. It would be prudent to respect the differences in opinion and maintain a distance.

3. Distinguish between emotions with clarity.

The mother-in-law's criticism and dissatisfaction with herself are her own emotions. The hostess is not responsible for these emotions. If the mother-in-law is unable to fulfill her role, the resulting distress is her own.

The host has his own life and his own method of achieving happiness. It is the responsibility of the host to regulate their own emotions. It is recommended that the host focus on themselves, dedicate themselves to their own life, and pursue happiness.

In the course of one's lifetime, there are only six questions that require clear distinction.

One must determine whether the matter in question is the concern of the other person or if it is one's own business.

One must ascertain whether the emotions or thoughts in question belong to the subject in question or to another individual.

Or, alternatively, could they be my own thoughts?

It is important to distinguish between the various issues at hand and to prioritize one's own well-being. Collaborating with one's spouse to manage the family's affairs is crucial. Taking ownership of one's emotions and avoiding being influenced by irrelevant individuals and circumstances is essential for personal growth. The ability to detach from these issues and maintain a positive outlook is invaluable.

Everyone has the capacity to serve as a source of illumination. Whether posing inquiries or offering responses, words can illuminate the hearts of many people, and this is a power that belongs to us all.

Good day. I am a heart coach, and I empathize with your situation. A mother-in-law is not a mother, and a daughter-in-law is not a daughter. If the same conversation occurred with your own mother, you likely would not even consider it, let alone listen to it.

The question of why mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law are often at odds will likely remain unanswered. While instances of conflict between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law are less common, disputes between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law are more frequently documented. It is my hope that by reading these words, you will feel somewhat more at ease. You are understood and accepted here because, as women, we have shared experiences and a mutual understanding.

However, we must still address the issue together to prevent recurring difficulties.

1. Unmet needs naturally give rise to emotions.

The purchase of clothes for your in-laws was made with good intentions, but the subsequent conversation between your mother-in-law and your husband caused you to feel uncomfortable. Firstly, the nature of their relationship, which included both partners and children, made you feel jealous.

Your mother-in-law's laugh seems to be deliberately loud so that you can hear it, and she is also "isolating" you from the relationship. Your husband's comment "I don't need to" obviously shows a biased emotional side towards you, but your discomfort is exacerbated by your mother-in-law's "intervention".

It would be preferable for your husband to advocate on your behalf and communicate your perspective, such as: "My daughter-in-law purchased a significant quantity of underwear."

It is understandable that you feel disrespected, unseen, and unaccepted as a result of the conversations between your mother-in-law and your husband. It is reasonable to expect that your parents-in-law would express their appreciation for your efforts, even if they do not fully align with their daughter-in-law's expectations.

When needs are not met, feelings of grievance, anger, and even resentment may arise. It is important to recognize that emotions have energy, and when they cannot be vented, they can lead to a buildup of negative feelings, including anger, elevated adrenaline levels, and even physical health issues.

It is important to allow yourself to feel angry, but to understand the underlying reasons for your anger. For example, if your mother-in-law talks in a way that makes you feel misunderstood or unseen, you may feel aggrieved and angry. When you express your anger, you are effectively venting your emotions.

By maintaining this awareness, you can perceive yourself accurately and identify unmet needs. This enables you to mature and grow with every emotional event.

In a family setting, emotional attachment often outweighs logical reasoning. When family members are able to set aside their judgments, they can avoid many potential conflicts.

Having values means having judgments because we are all accustomed to viewing matters from our own perspective.

2. Enhance communication between partners and consider multiple perspectives.

It is often the case that the truth of a matter can be discerned from a number of different perspectives. With this in mind, it would be beneficial to consider the situation from the perspective of the mother-in-law. It would also be helpful to ascertain whether you have also become a mother.

Mothers typically exhibit a greater degree of affection for their children than they do for their partners, despite the centrality of the husband-wife relationship within the family unit. Have you ever observed a situation in which a mother was permitted to scold her child, but the child's father was not?

It is an innate maternal instinct to love one's child deeply.

In the eyes of the mother-in-law, regardless of one's age, the child remains the primary focus of parental affection. Consequently, communication may be perceived as driven by a genuine, albeit misguided, love for the child.

Parents have their own age, upbringing, education, and way of thinking, and they also have their own limitations. It is not productive to force them to do things our way. Instead, we need to be more understanding and tolerant.

Should you encounter an injustice or a situation that you are unable to resolve, it is advisable to communicate more with your partner. It is important to be open and honest about your feelings and thoughts, but it is crucial to avoid complaining. Complaining does not address the underlying issue and can lead to increased frustration.

It is important to express your emotions, while also listening to your partner's opinions and feelings and meeting your psychological needs within his abilities.

The Empress Xiao Zhuang of the Kangxi Dynasty assisted several generations of emperors. Her approach to ruling the country and family is worthy of emulation: "If you are not deaf or blind, you are not fit to be in charge." It is important to maintain a balance between seriousness and flexibility. Sometimes, a degree of confusion can be beneficial.

I hope the above has provided you with a new perspective and a few more options. Best regards, [Name]

To continue the conversation, please click "Find a Coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Oh, it's still the one I bought you before, isn't it?

Hello, sweetheart. I can tell that your mother-in-law's comment really upset you. You're such a strong person, though. You've accepted your emotions and instead of confronting your mother-in-law, you've come here to talk about it, which was a really wise move.

1. From what you said about giving your in-laws clothes, it's clear you're a kind and grateful daughter-in-law. But at this time, the content of the conversation between your mother-in-law and your husband made you feel unhappy. You heard the unspoken meaning, right?

I'd love to know more about your relationship with your mother-in-law. Based on what you know about her speaking style, what do you think she meant when she said that?

I'm sure you'll agree that it's not nice to feel blamed for something you didn't do. It seems like your mother-in-law is blaming you for not giving her son a new set of autumn clothes, even though he's been wearing the same ones for so long.

Let's see if there's something else going on here. Could it be that your daughter-in-law is very caring and if she also shows special concern for your son, you'd be even happier?

Sometimes, different interpretations give us different emotional experiences. Maybe she was just hinting that you should also care about your husband!

2. The relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a special kind of parent-child relationship that is different from that between parents and children. It's important to handle it in a reasonable way. It's not worth the effort to fight with your mother-in-law and then have to work hard to repair the relationship.

I'm sure you both love your husband, and that's what unites you. You're doing your best to run the family together!

From her point of view, her son is like a piece of her flesh that has fallen off her body. It's only natural that she thinks of her son in everything, but sometimes she still needs to pay attention to boundaries, even if she may not be aware of it. We can't change her words and deeds, but we can change our own way of thinking, so as to avoid causing harm!

If you're still having trouble accepting this, you can talk to your husband privately and ask for his thoughts. It's important to be careful not to accuse or criticize your mother-in-law. You could say something like, "Honey, the other day, my mother-in-law said that the autumn clothes she gave you were the same ones she bought before."

"Have a chat with your husband, hear what he has to say, and see if he has any needs. Open communication can really help to strengthen relationships within the family in so many ways, and it might just help you to find a solution to your problems!

Hello! I can tell you're a brave and honest person from your question. It takes a lot of courage to face the feelings of humiliation after being blamed.

"The mother-in-law laughs and says that your husband still wears the autumn clothes she used to buy for him." This could be interpreted as a gentle reminder that you haven't taken as good care of your husband as you could have.

It's totally normal to feel bad when you hear this, especially since it's a bit of an indirect "attack." It's also totally justified!

It's so lovely that you buy your in-laws clothes and treat them with respect, and that you try to get along with them. It's a shame that your mother-in-law still mocks her son behind his back, though.

It's totally normal!

Your mother-in-law loves her son, and you married her son, so loving him is the same as stealing her love. It's totally normal for the mother-in-law to feel a little jealous. It's like a competition for her son's love.

In the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, your husband's attitude is really important. He's like double-sided tape, holding you both together firmly! While taking care of your parents and paying attention to their feelings, your son must remember that if the family is to be stable, the couple's relationship must come first.

In any case, the husband must stand by his wife's side! This is not a lack of respect for one's parents, but rather a way of maintaining and loving family relationships, showing independence, and telling your mother: "Mom, I have grown up, I have my own family, and I will handle everything in my own way."

Your husband's response to your mother, "Hey, I don't need that," shows he has your back. He loves you, and you're lucky to have him!

As for you, you can talk to your husband about how you're feeling. It's totally okay to talk about your own feelings without judging or blaming your mother-in-law. I'm sure your husband will understand you, and with his understanding and support, your emotions will definitely improve. After all, you love him!

From your text, I can tell that you are a very sensible daughter-in-law! If you can understand this dynamic relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law from a psychological perspective, I believe that in the future, when you encounter a similar situation, you will be able to deal with it with a smile.

It can be tough to navigate relationships in a multi-generational family living with parents. But, as long as you have a sincere heart, a grateful heart, an accommodating heart, love your husband and children, treat your elders with kindness, and pay attention to your own emotions and feelings, without being aggrieved or suppressed, I believe that everything will be fine!

I really do hope that your family will be happy and harmonious!