What if I have a persecution complex and worry that the father of the person I'm interested in will do me harm, and I'm constantly fighting internal conflicts?

I understand your worries about your boyfriend's father. It's normal to feel uneasy in that family environment.

It's unlikely that your boss's father will go to the extreme of directly interfering with your work. However, given the situation you described, it seems that he is more adept at verbal bullying and trying to influence you indirectly. Everyone's behavior and reactions may be affected by emotions, environment, and other factors, so this possibility cannot be completely ruled out.

Here are some ways to cope:

Tell your boyfriend what's on your mind. Find out what he thinks about your dad and if he'll stick by you.

Stay independent. Don't let others influence your choices. For important matters such as work, stick to your decisions.

Get help from family and friends. They can support you when you need it.

Consider counseling if these issues affect your daily life and mental health. A counselor can help you cope.

Believe in yourself and stay positive. Your life is your own, and you should not let others influence you.

Hello. I'm Sister Super from Yixinli.

Let me be clear: your boyfriend's father will never resign on your behalf. And she has no right to stop you from living your own life and making your own choices.

You are amazing. You have overcome many obstacles to achieve your goals. The benefits package is excellent. It's a job that I want but don't have to beg for. You must believe in your own strength. You can protect yourself and make the right choices for yourself.

You are kind, and I can see that. You know what you want, you love your husband, and you accept your mother-in-law. Keep feeling love. It's important.

Your childhood experiences have caused you to be hostile towards older men, but you must realize that you are now an economically independent, mature, and outstanding adult.

You are not vulnerable. Read "The Family with Limited Liability" to understand that everyone has issues and that people have boundaries.

You should meditate for 10 minutes a day. This will relieve your emotions and reshape your brain's nerves, allowing you to escape the influence of your family of origin.

Go for walks with your boyfriend more often at the weekend, climbing mountains or going to the park together. Create more beautiful memories. When you two have a better relationship, your boyfriend will want to be with you and face things together!

Let go of your fears and enjoy the beauty of the present!

Good day. Your upbringing has resulted in feelings of insecurity and a strong mistrust of your parents.

When your boyfriend's father displays interference and control, it evokes memories of your own father, particularly the feelings of hurt he caused you.

It is clear that our experiences affect how we perceive ourselves, the world, and other people. Early negative experiences often leave the impression that the world is unsafe and that people may persecute you. This can have a significant impact on the individual, leading them to believe that they are a victim. This victim perspective often results in a loss of control and passivity.

Even if you are capable of dealing with certain situations in reality, you may still have the thought of "I am a powerless victim" lurking in the background, which can lead to an emotional rollercoaster.

Your efforts to pursue desired career opportunities and establish stable intimate relationships demonstrate your inner strength and resilience. These achievements represent a shift from your previous experience as a "victim." It is now time to focus on the changes you have made in your life and recognize that challenges will persist. However, you have the capacity to find effective solutions to overcome these difficulties.

To overcome the "victim" mentality in the long term and reduce anxiety and depletion, I would like to share the advice of Li Songwei and quote him here: "I would tell someone who has overcome trauma this: you have learned not to trust from past experiences, and although you can now try to be braver, caution will remain a part of you. It makes sense for you."

It is important to recognise that trauma is also an experience. By acknowledging our past experiences, we can become more flexible in exploring new possibilities in the present.

A healthy narrative of trauma can be succinctly summarized in four sentences:

This is about accepting and being curious about oneself. In particular, it is about identifying which experiences were the most formative and why.

The second sentence is, "What have I learned?" This is about taking control.

When the environment changes, I will have the opportunity to implement new methods.

"In conclusion, despite progress, the impact of past challenges will remain."

You may wish to consider trying this approach and see if it inspires you.

When worry gets out of hand, it can affect our ability to think and make decisions rationally.

As the questioner said, worrying that the career you've worked hard to get will be dismissed by the father of the object, bypassing him and going directly to the company.

It's understandable to be concerned. My temporary absence has led to some illogical assumptions.

First of all, it's unclear whether the subject's father would take such drastic action. Companies, unlike families, have a set of personnel management processes.

Recruitment and dismissal require the active participation of all parties involved and repeated communication before a consensus can be reached and the corresponding work can be carried out. Otherwise, it would be considered a violation of...

For the company, this personnel mechanism is more sound and compliant, and it also protects employees more humanely.

So, there's basically no chance that the questioner will lose the job he's worked so hard to obtain because of the father of the object. On the one hand, he doesn't have such

On the other hand, the company didn't listen to his reasons, so the main reason the question owner is so worried is not the event itself, but

The questioner's excessive worry about unknown risks is what's causing this lack of rationality.

It's easy to see the situation clearly as a bystander, but as the person involved, you're unable to extricate yourself from it. Why is that?

There's a paradox in psychology: the more you try to make something happen, the worse it usually turns out. In other words, you can only

The original poster has a naturally weak sense of security due to childhood experiences and has not received systematic training. Therefore,

When we grow up and face worrying events, we tend to get fixated on controlling our sense of security to avoid being hurt again. We always hope that the outcome

I thought I could control it. I thought I could make it happen. But I couldn't. And it made my anxiety deepen and internal friction serious. Not only has control not been achieved,

All this worry has drained my rationality, and now I'm on the brink of losing control.

So, when we're dealing with the unknown and uncontrollable, it's not always best to think about controlling it first. It's more helpful to accept it and perceive it.

This is the only way to keep your head when things get tough. Best of luck!

Here's a tip: When you're feeling really confused and can't see a way out, it can help to try and see things from someone else's perspective. This can help you to escape from your own internal conflict and return to a more rational way of thinking.

Hello! From what you've told me, it seems like your boyfriend's parents are quite dominant, and your boyfriend might have a bit of an inferiority complex. This, along with the fact that his father is very concerned about face and likes to say strange things to put others down, has led to a bit of tension in your relationship.

I can see that you're feeling a bit upset, and I'm sorry to hear that this has affected your usual interactions and even the development of your relationship. It's totally understandable that you feel this way, especially since you love your boyfriend so much and their family situation is also relatively complicated. It's natural to feel insecure when there are problems in their family, and it's easy to associate those problems with yourself. I'm here to support you through this, so please don't hesitate to reach out if you need anything.

Your parents divorced when you were just seven years old, so I can imagine you must have felt quite lonely growing up. But you met a boyfriend you truly love, which was a wonderful thing!

I can imagine it's really quite upsetting for you, especially when you're getting married. It's natural to feel affected by it and it's not very nice. I know you're already feeling quite irritable during the exam preparation period, so it's no wonder you have to listen to these things.

I think your approach is great! When you're facing a situation like this, it's so important to speak your true thoughts and be firm in your convictions. Don't let anyone sway you! If you're feeling afraid that his father might hurt you, it's good to take precautions. Pay more attention to your surroundings, and try not to go to isolated places alone.

You still need to adjust your mentality, and try not to bring these negative emotions to yourself and your boyfriend. It might help to minimize contact with your boyfriend's parents to avoid unnecessary conflicts. Finally, you need to improve your own strength, increase your self-confidence, and believe that you will be able to get out of the predicament and have a bright future.

I really hope you can be brave and face all the difficulties you're facing. I know you can overcome your inner fears and that you'll end up with a happy and fulfilling life.

Hello, I'm Coach Yu from Mind Explorer, and I'm thrilled to discuss this topic with you!

Now, let's dive into the fascinating topic of security. In Maslow's theory, "sense of security" is explained as follows: a sense of confidence, safety, and freedom from fear and anxiety, and especially a sense of satisfaction with one's present and future needs.

If we grew up in an environment where we never felt secure, where we experienced a lot of dislike, hatred, annoyance, accusations, punishment, neglect, etc., and where we could not trust or rely on anyone, we will have a lot of hostile experiences. These experiences will often affect us until we grow up, and they will spread to all kinds of other relationships, making us worry all the time and even feel that the relationship environment around us is full of insecurity and hostility. But here's the good news! We can change all of that!

Our feelings about relationships are often influenced by our inner feelings about ourselves and others. This is great because it means we can work on ourselves to improve our relationships with others! For example, when we feel that there are many things about us that are not good enough, or even that we are bad in many ways, we can choose to worry or even feel that other people just don't like us and hate us.

Or when we feel angry, irritated, or have a lot of emotions towards others, we can easily feel nervous, worried about being seen by others, or even worried that others will find out and retaliate, punish, or attack us as a result. At this time, we often feel that the relationships around us are insecure, or even full of hostility. When we suppress and don't allow these emotions to be felt and expressed, we feel very uneasy. But there's a way to turn this around!

As the questioner wrote, since childhood I have felt very insecure, unable to trust my parents, and even feel that they will harm me.

We absolutely need to tell ourselves that we have grown up! After all, no one can give us a sense of security but us! As the brilliant psychological master Adler said, past life experiences are of little use to us. What is decisive is the perception and meaning we give to the experience!

Now, let's dive back in and talk about boundaries! It's so important to know the boundaries of others and to know your own boundaries. After all, it's our boundaries that distinguish us from others!

Many of the emotional and interpersonal difficulties that are common in today's society are related to the difficulty of maintaining appropriate boundaries. But here's the good news! When our boundaries are violated, our body will send out signals such as a faster heartbeat, a feeling of warmth throughout the body, restlessness, and sweating.

Sometimes we don't want to offend others, sometimes we don't want to damage relationships, sometimes we avoid potential risks (such as losing our job and being retaliated against), and sometimes we feel that we are "overthinking" and "making a big deal out of it," ignoring some of the signals that our boundaries are being violated. We are afraid to establish and maintain our own boundaries and dare not protect ourselves. But there's a better way!

I agree with the original poster that I don't want to give up on the relationship because of his father. However, I am excited to work through the internal struggles that might come up.

Let's dive deep and ask ourselves: What words and actions of my boyfriend's father do I find offensive and frightening? And what are my specific feelings? Do I feel offended?

We can also ask ourselves, in response to what words and actions of my boyfriend's father, if any, and if so, what would I say and do?

We can also ask ourselves, "What is my ideal relationship like? What do I really need inside?"

When we are clear about our own needs, it can help us view intimate relationships in the best possible light!

We're so excited to have a heart-to-heart conversation with my boyfriend! We've always had a great relationship and can express our thoughts and requests to each other honestly. We're hoping to gain his understanding and support. We'll start by talking about how uncomfortable we feel about some of the things my boyfriend's father has said and done. Then, we'll move on to my recent worries. We'll also listen to my boyfriend talk about some past events involving his father and how he sees himself in his father's eyes. We're really hoping he can do something about it! Good communication can not only release your pent-up emotions, but also help you understand each other.

We can learn to distract ourselves, especially from overthinking, and stop the replay of events in our minds. When we think about quitting my job, we can try shouting "stop" at ourselves, take a deep breath, and do something else, such as listening to music, stretching, etc., to distract ourselves. Meditation and mindfulness are also very good ways to regulate.

Absolutely! We can definitely seek help because if this thing is bothering you, it's not easy to overcome it immediately. Look for a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. And if you feel the need, you can also find a counselor because emotions must be released to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

And we mustn't forget to make ourselves happy and relax both body and mind! Following the principle of separating issues, what others say is their business, and how we respond is our choice. When we see the real world clearly, balance the conflicts in our hearts, let go of unhappy experiences, and gain an inner understanding of ourselves, we will be mature and have grown!

Thank you so much!

I'm so excited to recommend this amazing book: The Power of Self-Care!

Good day.

From your description, it seems that you were able to study hard in the face of adversity, overcome obstacles, adhere to your goals, and grow along the way. It was not easy to take the civil service exam, but I'm also very pleased with your success. Congratulations!

Your achievements should have been a source of pride for your family, and they should have encouraged, supported, and affirmed you.

It is worth noting, however, that your father and your boyfriend's father, the two male heads of the family, have attempted, either intentionally or unintentionally, to impede your progress.

It appears that they were concerned about their ability to cope with the increased pressure and responsibility that your success might bring.

This raises questions about the status and capabilities of your father and your boyfriend's father within the family.

Did they perceive your mother as a threat to their status and authority within the family?

Please describe the circumstances surrounding the dissolution of your parents' marriage.

Your father prevented you from taking the postgraduate entrance exam due to concerns about the potential expenditure of family funds. Was the family experiencing financial constraints, or were there other factors at play?

Please clarify which parent is the primary source of income for your boyfriend's family. Is it his father or his mother?

If your mother and your boyfriend's mother are more highly regarded than your father and your boyfriend's father in terms of character and earning power, they may experience feelings of inferiority and pressure. They may also face challenges in asserting their masculinity, which can be a significant source of anxiety for them.

Therefore, they attempt to validate their existence by neutralizing the influence of female figures in the family, thereby alleviating their concern about being overlooked or neglected.

It appears that you are constrained by the influence of both fathers and are seeking to establish greater autonomy.

This is, in fact, a battle between masculine and feminine forces within the family unit.

It is likely that your boyfriend's mother holds you in high regard.

Your boyfriend's father, on the other hand, likely views your strength as a means of counterbalancing his wife's influence. By attempting to suppress your strength, he is effectively challenging his wife's position.

This behavior is indicative of his insecurity.

You are not yet fully secure, but you are prepared to fight for yourself and against the odds to improve your situation.

In a sense, your sense of security is more robust than that of your boyfriend's father.

There is no need to be concerned; they will not cause you any harm.

If you have such concerns, you may wish to consider psychotherapy or counseling as a means of addressing past traumas.

Otherwise, your boyfriend's father may also have an adverse effect on your emotional state. Furthermore, if your boyfriend does not feel secure enough, this restricted behavior and your worries may also be transferred to him.

As previously stated.

I am Yan Guilai, a psychological counselor, and I will be your guide on your journey of self-discovery and truth-seeking.

I appreciate your concerns and anxieties. It is understandable to feel scared and uncertain when facing such a family environment and an important moment like marriage.

It is possible that the feelings of persecution you mentioned may be a psychological defense mechanism that has developed due to living under stress and insecurity for a long time.

It is difficult to predict whether your boyfriend's father will take extreme actions such as going to your workplace to resign on your behalf. However, it seems unlikely that he would do so.

Firstly, such behaviour is illegal and not only infringes on your personal rights, but could also result in serious legal consequences for him. Secondly, as an adult, he should understand the boundaries and consequences of his actions and is unlikely to behave in such a ridiculous manner.

However, your concerns are not without merit. His inferiority complex and arrogance, as well as his attempts to control your life choices, could be perceived as unhealthy and disrespectful.

It is possible that these behaviors may have an adverse effect on your mental health and your relationship with your boyfriend.

I believe it would be beneficial for you and your boyfriend to communicate your feelings and concerns honestly. Perhaps you could let him know your views and bottom line regarding his father's behavior, and discuss together how to respond and resolve this issue.

If he is a mature and reasonable person, he should be able to understand and support you, and perhaps take active measures to reduce the influence of his father on you.

You might also consider seeking the guidance of a professional psychologist. A psychologist can help you gain a deeper understanding of your emotional challenges and provide strategies for coping more effectively.

They may also be able to assist you in developing a more positive mindset to help you cope with future challenges and difficulties.

If I might make one more point, I would like to emphasize that your feelings and happiness are of the utmost importance. It is important to remember that you should not sacrifice your interests and happiness because of the pressure and incomprehension of others.

It is important to remember that you have the right to choose your own path in life and pursue your own happiness.

Hello, thank you for your question. I hope my suggestions will be of some help to you.

I believe there are three possible courses of action we could take with regard to our current situation.

It would be beneficial to take some time to reflect on our outlook on life, particularly in relation to our views on love, marriage and career development.

It is important to make decisions about life and daily life according to your own ideas. These decisions are for you alone and do not concern your partner, your family, or your partner's family. Each of us has a unique path of personal development.

Any relationship or way of life is a wonderful addition to our independent lives. Of course, if our focus is on our partner or on love, that is a different kind of focus.

Sometimes, we can be like Internet buzzwords. As an adult, I want both, but in everyday life, when we return to reality, we may not be able to have both. It is therefore important to sort out our priorities. If our priority is to take control of our own life development, then we must sort it out and proceed according to our own plan.

Secondly, when we are living independently, we are inevitably members of society, which naturally leads to the development of social relationships and the growth of our family.

It would be beneficial to consider the thoughts of our family members. Prior to being single, our family members are likely to be our parents, regardless of whether they are divorced or have formed a new family. In terms of blood ties and in our daily lives, we may find ourselves interacting with them more frequently, and even seeking guidance from them on certain matters.

And when we have our own partner, whether it is in the relationship stage or the marriage stage, it is important to remember that they are a significant person in our lives, and their opinions, feelings, and ideas deserve our attention.

In some cases, we may find ourselves in a position where we have the opportunity to make decisions, while also seeking guidance from others. This advice can be invaluable, as it often stems from a place of self-awareness and can be tailored to our current stage of daily life.

It would be beneficial for us to communicate with our partners openly about our feelings on the matter. For instance, we may have reservations about our future father-in-law's involvement in our professional lives. It would be valuable to understand our partner's perspective on this.

It might be the case that before we establish an intimate relationship with our partner, his entire life was controlled by his father. It's also possible that he himself personally dislikes his father's kind of male chauvinism.

If that is a possibility, then we and our partners are on the same page, so we don't have to worry about the future in-laws disturbing our lives. Perhaps our partners have also considered forming a new family in the future, breaking away from the original family and forming a new one. We just need to consider how our small family will run, how our career development will run, how our partner's career development will run, and the views of the two young lovers or couples on each other's career development. As long as they mutually recognize or respect each other, it could be a very good way to get along.

Once our family has become more stable and our goals are more unified, we can begin to consider how to integrate into the extended family and how to navigate the differences in thinking and perceptions between the younger and older generations.

It would be beneficial for both parties to work through these issues together, as they are of a familial nature and not solely personal.

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to consider expressing your feelings to your partner and listening to theirs. Working through these feelings together could be beneficial.

The stages of courtship and marriage are different. In the courtship stage, it is important to focus on our own personal development and to recognize that we have the option to end the relationship if we choose to do so. However, if it has progressed to the marriage stage, it is essential to consider our partner's feelings with care, to respect their feelings, and to be mindful of the opinions of elders in both families.

It might also be helpful to consider the lifestyles of others when we are grooming ourselves and communicating with our partners.

Reading your current description, I am reminded of some of the family settings and character settings in a TV series that is currently airing. If it is not an imposition, you and your partner may wish to watch that TV series together to discuss how to solve some of the problems you encounter in your daily lives.

I apologize, I don't recall the name of the drama, but it stars Chen Xiao, so you might find it helpful to search for it. In the drama, there is an extremely male chauvinist father-in-law who causes a lot of changes in the daily lives of the young couple.

It bears resemblance to your current patterns, or perhaps there are some underlying similarities. We can have related discussions, which are not intended to be argumentative, but rather an exchange of perceptions and values between you and your partner. This is also a way to get to know your partner better, as well as to share your thoughts with them. If you can do this together and think of ways to solve these problems in real life, that would be ideal.

I hope that through self-reflection and continuous interaction with your partner, you may be able to find a family interaction model that suits you.

I hope the world and I can show you some love!

Dear question asker,

It can feel as though when others force you to do something you don't want to do, it will instead stimulate your potential to protect yourself. You took the postgraduate entrance exam and got a teaching position, even though others opposed it. You did it, and you are a very assertive person, which is great!

It seems that you are afraid of being persecuted by others because you don't trust them and don't feel safe. As you mentioned, your parents divorced and each formed a new family, so you may have felt that you didn't get much love.

You may find it challenging to rely on others, but it's important to remember that you have the power to rely on yourself. It's understandable to feel afraid that they might hold you back, but it's also crucial to recognize that you have the capacity to move forward on your own.

It may be the case that your fear is actually maintaining the relationship. If you feel nothing for your parents or your boyfriend's father and ignore them, it could mean that you no longer care about the relationship with your parents or his father.

Perhaps it would be helpful to ask yourself whether they really are that scary. It might also be worth considering what the probability of the things you anticipate happening is.

In the event of an unfavorable outcome, have you considered a potential solution?

It might be helpful to consider whether you could accept the worst outcome.

For example, even if your boyfriend's father were to make a scene, you have not made any mistakes at work and have not violated public order or morals. Therefore, it seems unlikely that they would fire you. If he were to make a scene, it would be he who would be humiliated.

If things don't work out, there's a chance that you and your partner might break up.

If your boyfriend's father truly has his son's best interests at heart, he may not be overly concerned about your pursuit of a civil servant position. It's possible that he views your success in this role as beneficial for the family. However, it's understandable that he might be more worried about your ability to express your own opinions and for his son to respect your perspective. It's likely that he wants his son to take on a more assertive role within the family, which could mean that he's less keen on your current approach.

I wonder if I might ask what your boyfriend thinks about what his father says? Is he an independent person?

If he is also not easily influenced by his father, you may find it helpful to feel reassured.

However, if he also shares his father's beliefs, there may be some challenges in the relationship after marriage. It's possible that you may view him as a father figure who is holding you back from growth and development.

You have mentioned that your work is your foundation, and from what you have said, it seems that you may not have had much experience in building relationships. This may be influenced by your upbringing. It is possible that you may benefit from learning to trust others in order to build stronger relationships.

I believe you are getting better and stronger. I encourage you to believe in yourself!

I believe you can do it!

Hello, I am Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who can facilitate communication through visualization.

The original poster is concerned that her boyfriend's father may have an impact on your employment situation in order to protect his pride. She is also wondering if she may have developed a delusion of persecution.

First of all, it's important to consider whether the company would accept his resignation if he were to offer it. It seems unlikely that they would. Even if your immediate family member were to resign, it's not clear that you would achieve your goal.

However, it is possible that new fears may arise if you let go of this fear. You have worked hard and striven to improve yourself since childhood, yet you still cannot be valued or cared for by your parents. This may make you care very much about what others think of you. Over the years, you have become more and more resilient in the face of setbacks, which could be a defense mechanism for you. You have achieved something outside, yet the little girl inside you may still feel lonely and helpless. She may also be reluctant to believe that she is strong and powerful enough.

I would like to take a moment to clarify the difference between paranoid delusions and common worries. The key distinction between the two is whether they are self-aware and whether they can be dispelled.

Typically, concerns about potential negative outcomes can be alleviated, reversed, and managed. However, in the case of paranoid delusions, these strategies may not be as effective. The individual may be firmly convinced of their victimization, which can make it challenging to persuade them otherwise.

It would be fair to say that they often display symptoms such as anxiety and nervousness, as well as a tendency to distrust the outside world.

It seems that your distrust may have been influenced by your family of origin, and you have also discovered that your distrust is directed at specific people, whether it is your boyfriend, your boyfriend's mother, or someone you are willing to trust. It might be helpful to establish the belief that the world is now safe enough, even if it is not absolutely safe.

If you feel that the world is a dangerous place and that even your loved ones may wish you harm, you are encouraged to speak with someone you trust about your concerns. If this does not resolve the issue, it may be helpful to seek professional psychological counseling to help you regain a sense of security.

I hope this finds you well.