What if the most beloved relatives in the family, who were brought up by their grandparents, pass away one after the other?

Give the original poster a big hug! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

You can feel it: it is hard to accept that your grandfather, your spiritual pillar, has suddenly left you. You feel that you cannot get out of this pain, and you cannot concentrate on work... But you can! Hug again, I hope you can feel some warmth and support. In fact, it is normal to feel sad, upset, and grief when facing the departure of your grandfather. You can give yourself time to grieve, and you also need to give yourself time to express your grief at your grandfather's departure. This is a process. But you can do it!

I have some great advice for you!

Let's dive into the world of grief and love!

The reason for the immense pain is precisely because our love for Grandpa is immense and intense. Psychologists believe that grief is a form of love, or you could say that grief is the price of love—and a worthwhile price at that!

This is why love and grief coexist like life and death. They are two sides of the same coin! Without love, there can be no grief. And it is precisely because of love that there is grief. The deeper the love, the more intense the grief will naturally be.

You have lost your beloved grandfather, which has destroyed the loving interaction between you and disrupted the normal attachment between you. Of course you are sad and grieving. And you have lost your beloved, which has made the love even stronger and deeper. That is why there is such great grief and deep sorrow.

This is not a sign of weakness or inability. On the contrary, it is a normal human emotion, and it is love! Grief can only be experienced; we cannot avoid or bypass it. It is something that everyone must go through in their lifetime, and you can do it!

So, embrace your grief and feel the deep love hidden in it!

2. About self-blame and remorse.

In fact, self-blame and remorse are also a special form of love. As I just said, grief comes from love, and your self-blame and remorse are also a form of remembrance of your grandfather. We may even feel that self-blame and remorse can continue to bind us closely to our grandfather, and letting go of self-blame and remorse seems to let go of our love for our grandfather. Perhaps, in this way, we are always in touch with our grandfather!

However, we must accept the fact that the accidents and surprises in life are not something that can be predicted or controlled by humans. In fact, even Grandpa himself did not know when he would leave, and it would not have been possible to change it even if you had returned in time or done something else...

Self-blame and remorse are also a normal part of the grieving process and a necessary part of the healing process. When you are trapped in self-blame, consider the following: Is your self-blame justified?

Do we really have the kind of predictive and control abilities we expect? Absolutely! You can also talk to reliable family and friends. By talking about your self-blame and listening to their opinions, you can help detect whether your self-blame is justified.

And there's another thing you can do to make your life better: forgive yourself! Forgiveness is about accepting the things you regret from the past. It's not about forgetting, but about moving on and learning from your mistakes. You can also think about what your grandfather would have wanted from you. Imagine you're facing him and telling him how you feel. Then, imagine what he would say to you.

3. Get ready to establish a brand-new connection with your grandfather! You'll be able to continue living your best life, filled with all the amazing spiritual wealth he's given you.

It's time to embrace a positive and healthy approach to our relationship with our grandparents. We can continue to live a good life, surrounded by the spiritual wealth and love they've given us, as if they were still by our side!

It's time to focus on the amazing inner connection we have with our grandparents! Instead of relying on external forms, let's explore the incredible ways we can build a new and healthy connection with them. Get ready to discover some amazing methods that will bring us closer to our grandparents in a whole new way!

In life, you can get so much positive inspiration from your grandfather! He'll teach you how to love life, cherish life, pay attention to health, be helpful, hardworking, and kind. And there's more! Teacher Ni Ping has written a book called "Grandma's Quotations," which records her grandma's life philosophy and wise sayings. This is a positive link between teacher Ni Ping and her grandma.

When she's facing a challenge, she can turn to the voice of her grandfather for inspiration and encouragement. He'll inspire her to be spirited and courageous!

When facing the future, you can accept the fact that your grandfather has passed away. With love for your grandfather and an indelible sadness, you can adapt to your new life without him in a positive way. And you know what? You can do it with a smile on your face!

Do things that your grandfather would be proud of, such as doing charity work in his name!

Keep that spiritual connection with your grandfather going! Talk to him, write about your memories of him—it'll warm your heart and give you a boost of encouragement!

You know what? The best part is that although Grandpa is gone, his love is still there, his strength is still there, and the spiritual wealth he passed on to you is still there! He hasn't actually gone, because you can still feel him, and he is still influencing you, right?

I hope you live a wonderful life, filled with love, strength, and the incredible spiritual treasures that your grandfather has given you. This is also what your grandfather would have wanted for you most!

Hello, questioner. You have asked a very difficult question: "What do I do when the most beloved family members I was raised by, my grandparents, pass away one after the other?"

I would like to begin by commending you for your courage in asking this question. The loss of a loved one can undoubtedly have a profound impact on one's heart and leave one deeply devastated.

If I may, I would like to take a moment to address your detailed questions in order to better assist you in finding solutions.

You mentioned that your parents are occupied with work, that your father's family tends to prioritize boys over girls, and that you were raised by your grandparents. Your grandfather provided you with a nurturing environment and instilled in you a rich spiritual heritage that will continue to benefit you throughout your life. He is the person you admire and love the most.

Last year, your father's personal problems already caused you to suffer greatly, and the noble image of your father in your heart suddenly collapsed. But at least there were other family members who constantly gave you encouragement and comfort. Now, this time, the coronavirus has suddenly taken away your family's only spiritual pillar, your grandfather. You have been constantly blaming and regretting yourself every day since then, that you did not have time to go back to see him and keep him company, that you did not talk to him more, but he always cared for you so much. You are in a state of great grief and cannot extricate yourself. You are now afraid to read any news about the coronavirus, and you dare not even read any hot search terms for the Chinese New Year. Watching other people's joy and happiness only adds to your sorrow.

You often find yourself thinking of the elderly person who has passed away at home, and you feel that everything is a bit of a nightmare, as though he is still there when you wake up. You haven't yet had the chance to bring your child to show him, to give him a bow, because of the epidemic. There are so many things you haven't had time to tell him, so much happiness you haven't had time to share with him, and he has gone like this.

It is challenging to move forward and concentrate on work in the face of such pain.

You have a kind heart and are grateful to your elders.

Your parents were occupied with work, and they entrusted you to the care of your grandparents, which afforded you the opportunity to spend a considerable amount of time with them. During your extended period together, you received meticulous and devoted care from your grandparents, particularly your grandfather, who also served as your life mentor. He is a guiding light in your heart, illuminating the path forward; he is your spiritual mentor, constantly enriching your spiritual world, so that your life can be more fulfilling and abundant.

You two have a very strong and deep connection. He is not only the spiritual pillar of the family, but also your spiritual leader. He occupies a very important place in your heart. You are also a kind person who is very filial and grateful. You are grateful in your heart for his care, love, protection, and support for you, and you often feel a desire to repay him for raising and educating you. However, due to external constraints and influences, you have not yet had the chance to do something for him.

Given the importance you have placed on your relationship with him, it is understandable that you may feel a sense of obligation to repay his affection and kindness. However, your gratitude towards him is so strong that you may feel it is not enough. Especially after he left, when you are in a bad mood, you may find yourself focusing on the things you feel you have not done for him in time, and forgetting the things you have done for him.

Given your kind and grateful nature,

Given your current circumstances, it might be helpful to have a special mourning session with your late grandfather.

It is interesting to note that Chinese funeral rituals have evolved in line with human development and have continued for so many years. This longevity can be attributed to their continued relevance and value in the modern era.

When facing the death of a loved one, especially someone who is very important, admired, revered, worshipped, and respected, the emotional impact on a person can be particularly great. At this time, it may be beneficial to hold a mourning ceremony to remember the deceased and properly say goodbye. You may wish to consider holding a special mourning ceremony for your grandfather according to your personal and local customs.

For example, you might consider bringing your family or going alone. You could choose a special day, which might be a traditional Chinese day of sacrifice or a special day for you and your grandfather that is meaningful to both of you. You could visit his tomb and talk to him. You might bring something your grandfather liked to eat or something he liked to do when he was alive, and help clean the area around the tomb first. You could clean it up, then set out the things he liked to eat for him and burn the tools he needed to do the things he liked. You could simply do everything you can for him and do the things you wanted to do but didn't have time to do.

On special and important days, you might consider doing things for him by accompanying him wholeheartedly and visiting him especially. This could potentially help relieve your inner feelings of guilt and self-blame towards him, and say goodbye to him in a special way.

If you feel that you may benefit from additional support in mourning your grandfather, you may wish to consider speaking with a counselor.

Grief counseling is a specialized field of psychological counseling. When a person faces the death of their closest and most important person, they may experience a period of emotional distress as they come to terms with this significant loss. It is not uncommon for individuals to feel immersed in a world of sadness, pain, and unhappiness for a prolonged period, which can lead to a loss of enthusiasm for life and work. In some cases, it may even feel as if their soul has departed with the other person, creating a sense of separation between mind and body.

If he is able to rely on his own strength to come out of it sooner and say goodbye to the person who left using a method that suits him, that would be the best course of action. If he is unable to rely on himself, then he may wish to consider seeking help from a psychological counselor. They have specialized theoretical studies and practical operations in this field, and could help him come out of excessive grief sooner and live a good life.

If I might suggest, this may be the situation you are facing now. If you feel that you cannot complete the mourning of your grandfather on your own, then you may benefit from the support of a counselor who can provide grief counseling to help you get over the grief of losing your grandfather sooner.

I hope my answer is helpful for you.

I just wanted to say that I love you and the world loves you too!

And now for the original poster!

Sending you a big, warm hug from afar, Kelly Shui!

You mentioned that your grandparents raised you and were the most beloved family members. They were an amazing couple and you were lucky to have them in your life.

Grandparents are such important people in your life! It's a bittersweet thing when they leave, but it's also an opportunity to start a new chapter.

I really hope that your replies will help you a little!

All emotions are the same, and grief is no exception! It's perfectly normal to feel this way, especially at this moment. It's okay to express your feelings, especially when you feel the need to do so. Don't hold back!

You're already doing great! I can see that you're willing to face your pain head-on, which is so important. We all have a tendency to avoid difficult emotions like grief, but you're taking the initiative to confront it head-on. That's really admirable!

I've got a great suggestion for you!

1: You should definitely prepare some memorial ceremonies! You can put your grandparents' photos at home. Even though they've left us, their hearts will always be with you!

Do you know what I think would be a great idea? Every day, say good morning and good night to your grandparents in front of the photo and talk to them! You can do this if you want to, following your own feelings.

2: Write to your grandparents regularly and read it to them. It's a great idea to tell them how you feel and how much you love them!

You can also tell your grandmother that your grandfather is with her, and you're sure they'll take good care of themselves!

3: Grandpa's departure It's a shame you didn't get to see him before he left. Instead of blaming yourself, why not tell Grandpa why you didn't make it?

For example, it might be inconvenient to go out due to the epidemic situation at the workplace, or we might not have expected that our grandpa would suddenly leave. But that's okay! We can ask our grandpa to forgive us and move on.

When your grandfather sees you blaming yourself, does he feel sad and distressed? Let's find out!

He is the one who loves you most, and he definitely wants you to be happy and joyful! A person who truly loves you will want you to be well, and he'll be there for you every step of the way.

4: Seeking the company of a professional counselor for a period of time is a great idea! As I mentioned earlier, including myself, we lack knowledge in this area, so this is a fantastic way to gain some expert advice.

Absolutely! You can seek help from professionals.

In the past, "death" was a relatively taboo topic in our culture. But times are changing! We are learning more and more about how to help ourselves. We can choose to remain silent and respond with silence, or we can choose to be strong and forget in front of others, sighing and crying alone after everyone has left. Those around us don't know what to say or do, but we can take the lead and show them how it's done!

We don't know what else to say or do apart from "I'm sorry for your loss" and "time heals all wounds." But we're going to find out!

The great news is that grief can be released and expressed in a reasonable way. This can help to avoid it turning into pathological grief, which could be like a "heart disease", or being expressed through physical illness.

(You're in charge! You can choose for yourself, or you can keep asking questions here. I'm sure many teachers will respond to you.) I'm here to accompany you through this time together!

[Now it's time to talk about your family of origin!]

1: Your parents are busy, but you are so lucky to have met a kind, respectable, and selfless grandfather who loves you and provides you with a great living environment, as well as giving you incredible spiritual wealth that will be of infinite use throughout your life. He is the person I admire and love the most!

In our lives, we were lucky to have met a kind, respectable, and selfless grandfather who loved us and gave us a great place to live and lots of spiritual wealth that will be of infinite use throughout our lives. He is the person I admire and love the most! In our lives, although our parents were busy and we didn't have much time with them, we gained the love of our grandparents. We often say that in life, there is always a trade-off, but it's worth it!

Let's imagine for a moment that Mom and Dad hadn't been so busy and had taken the time to look after you. Would you have such a beautiful memory?

Your parents were busy, but you got to enjoy family life with your grandfather! You benefited from his selfless dedication, and you grew up to be a grateful person who gained spiritual wealth.

His spirit will always be with you!

Although I didn't see what exactly happened, I know that last year's personal problems with your father caused you to be greatly impacted. But you know what? That noble image of your father in your heart suddenly collapsed, and you're stronger than ever!

This sentence also shows the love between you and your father, and the "resentment" that arises from love. You are a kind and simple person, and you have a great relationship with your father!

Your father is probably a wonderful person, but he's also human like the rest of us. Accept his flaws and mistakes, and remember that he's doing his best.

As we grow up, we learn that the world is full of colors and that there is good, evil, beauty, and ugliness in human nature.

So give yourself some time, slowly accept, and allow yourself to flow with your true emotions in the present moment. You've got this!

If you have the chance, you should definitely talk to your father about your feelings and express them!

(You can also talk to a counselor, who can help you!)

3: Fathers are also important people, and we care about them enough to get emotional. At the same time, we get to learn about boundaries and distinguish between our parents' affairs and our relationships with our children, which is a great opportunity to grow!

Appropriate psychological distance is also a fantastic form of protection for us, as well as for our family and friends!

(If you're interested, you should definitely check out "It turns out that understanding is more important than love" and "The courage to be hated, etc.")

And the best part is, when we continue to grow and experience some painful things, it will also bring new thinking to ourselves!

[About pain] Pain is a natural part of life. It's how we learn and grow!

I'm sure you had so many things you wanted to tell him, so many happy moments you wanted to share with him. It's so sad that he just left like this, without you having the chance to show him how much you love him.

I'm so sorry you're hurting. I know it's hard to concentrate on work, but you've got this!

I feel your self-blame and self-reproach, and I care about you very much. I know you can get through this! Many people experience these emotions, so please give yourself time as well.

After the unexpected death of a loved one, we generally go through the following four exciting psychological reaction processes:

The journey through grief is a unique and beautiful experience. It's a time of transformation and growth. As you embark on this journey, you'll go through four distinct phases: the shock period, the blaming and complaining period, the nostalgia and depression period, and finally, the basic recovery period. Each phase is a stepping stone to the next, and with each step, you'll find new insights and a deeper understanding of yourself and the world around you.

And remember, love yourself, seek professional help, and let yourself be emotionally released!

I hope you are well!

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

How many people are affected by the old concept of son preference and inferiority, and how many people seriously lack the feeling of love from their parents because of their parents' negligence? Fortunately, we still have loved ones who love us.

The parents of the person who asked the question didn't do what they should have done as parents because they were dealing with their own problems. Being busy at work is an excuse for not doing what they were supposed to do. If they couldn't give their child a happy future, why did they choose to have a child in the first place? Fortunately, grandparents made up for the lack of love from the parents, so the person who asked the question could grow up physically and mentally healthy.

His heart was broken.

The questioner didn't have much contact with their parents during their upbringing, so they formed a close bond with their grandparents. Grandpa was like a father figure to them, providing guidance and support.

He didn't spend much time with his father, so after learning some things about him, although he was sad and upset, he bounced back quickly. His father was more of a fantasy figure to him, and he felt like he should be more like him. After learning the reality, he was able to accept it quickly because he didn't have high expectations of his father.

After hearing the news, the OP struggled to accept his grandfather's passing. It was as if a part of him had died along with him. The truth was, the OP had been carrying a heavy burden for a long time. Without realizing it, he had been slowly aging without achieving many of his goals.

I'd like to suggest a different approach.

I really want to give the OP a hug. You can only understand how hard it is to hold back regret by experiencing it. Let yourself cry and be sad because you can't accept your grandfather's departure. He loved and cared for you, so he didn't want you to be so sad because of his departure.

We're not unwilling to do things, but sometimes we're unable to do them. Becoming parents brings its own challenges. We didn't expect some things to happen so suddenly, without any preparation.

Grandpa really cares about the questioner and doesn't want to leave him. He's just protecting the questioner in a different way. He really hopes the questioner is happy and that he'll never leave his mind.

There are lots of ways to connect and say goodbye.

The questioner still has a lot left to do with her grandfather, so she feels guilty and sorry for not having had the chance to accomplish it. She can't tell him in person, but there are other ways to try:

Empty chair therapy: In a quiet room, place two chairs so that no one else can influence you. Choose one chair to sit in and the other for your "grandfather." Imagine him sitting opposite you and try to say what you want to say to him, express your emotions. Then let yourself sit in the other chair and, based on what you know about your grandfather, try to guess what he would say to you. Have this back-and-forth conversation to say goodbye to your grandfather.

☀️A farewell letter: In our Chaoshan area, we sometimes burn items for departed loved ones to say goodbye and tell them how much we miss them. The questioner can write down everything they want to say to heal themselves through writing and burn this letter of longing. I believe the grandfather will receive the questioner's letter.

☀️ Communicate through objects: By placing a paper mandarin duck, you can let your grandfather know how you feel and that you had no choice but to let him go. He's a kind and gentle grandfather, and he'll understand you best.

So use different methods to express your deepest feelings, your love for your grandfather, your reluctance to let him go, your final goodbyes, your acceptance of his departure, and your desire to keep him alive in your heart.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best of luck!

Dear Sir/Madam, From your description, I can ascertain that you are experiencing considerable distress and anguish at the loss of a loved one. It is evident that you are riddled with feelings of self-blame and guilt. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

As a psychological counselor, I would like to discuss my understanding from a psychological perspective.

It is inevitable that we will all experience the pain of losing a loved one. Your grandfather served as an ideal object of attachment for you during your growth process, acting as the primary caregiver and surpassing the role of your father. You were fortunate to have a grandfather who paid attention to you and established a secure and stable attachment relationship, which proved to be an invaluable resource for you.

Due to the ongoing pandemic, illness, and the natural aging process, we will eventually have to part with the objects of our love. The reason you have not yet moved on is that you have not yet completed the mourning process and are not yet consciously accepting the pain of losing a loved one.

How should you deal with your sadness? First, you must complete the separation from your grandfather from the bottom of your heart. Although your grandfather has passed away, his love for you, his companionship as you grew up, and the spiritual world he has brought you will always be there. Your grandfather will still be watching over you in heaven, hoping that you will pass on his love and pay better attention to the people still living: love your grandmother, love your mother, love your father, and love your children!

It is important to continue passing on your grandfather's legacy of love.

Secondly, it is important to allow Grandpa some space to reflect on the emotions you have shared with him. There is a psychological technique called displacement which enables you to express your feelings for Grandpa in words, rather than experiencing self-blame and guilt which can impede your ability to live and work. It is crucial to ensure that the legacy you leave behind is one of love and gratitude.

Third, you need to express any feelings of self-blame, guilt, or unspoken words. You can discuss these with your grandmother, or you can express them to your inner grandfather. Your grandfather will be able to understand your feelings. As time goes by, you need to express your thoughts, reluctance, and sadness, and cry out. Your grandfather can hear and understand you!

Finally, I can sense that you are a woman of strong loyalty. There are still many practical matters to attend to, including repairing your relationship with your parents, caring for your grandmother, loving your children, and learning to express your emotional needs. The world and I love you, and you must also learn to love yourself, rather than blaming and hurting yourself. I am also willing to use my professional knowledge to accompany you through your mourning and longing.

Dear questioner, I want to begin by offering you a hug. I can see from your expression that you are going through a very difficult time. I can also sense the depth of your pain and the challenge you are facing in moving forward.

It is impossible to quantify the number of human tragedies caused by the pandemic in the past three years. There is a saying that a speck of dust from the age falls on an individual and becomes a mountain.

It is impossible to predict when, where, or on whom this ash will fall, and it is also impossible to be fully prepared for it.

I want to start by saying that I don't believe this is your fault.

If I might make one more observation, the emotions you are experiencing are a normal reaction to facing a significant loss. It is important to allow yourself to feel all kinds of emotions and to be aware of any physical sensations that accompany them. These could include a blockage in your chest, a pain in your stomach, tension in your limbs, and so on. It is helpful to stay with these physical sensations without resisting, just observing them and allowing the emotions to flow naturally through your body and express themselves.

It might be helpful to remember to give yourself a hug when you are in pain and tell yourself that you have suffered. It is important to remember that it was not your fault that Grandpa has passed away. It is natural to have regrets, and life is full of them.

Your love for your grandfather will not end because of his passing, and his love for you will not end because of his passing. If he were here in the afterlife, what would he tell you?

If it is within your means, I would like to suggest that you try to find some time to connect with a few family members or friends who can offer you support and understanding. If that is not possible, you might consider speaking with a counselor or participating in a small ceremony to honor your grandfather's memory. This could be an opportunity to share the funny stories and precious memories you have of him, which can provide a sense of comfort and strength as you navigate the challenges ahead.

If I might humbly offer one final thought, it would be this: in the midst of life's many challenges, it can often feel as though we have little control over the circumstances that shape our experiences. However, one truth that remains constant is the inevitability of life's end, regardless of the circumstances.

As you have experienced with your grandfather,

If we consider this, we can see that every day is in fact a day for preparation. When we think about it in this way, we can appreciate the value of each day.

Would you perhaps be interested in taking action on this?

It is my hope that you may find renewed beauty in life as you once again embrace the flow of life, fortified by the grief and pain you have experienced.

I am the original poster. This is my first time learning about this platform and attempting to send a depression/lately-ive-been-quite-negative-questioning-whether-i-should-have-been-born-into-this-world-3516.html" target="_blank">question. However, I am unsure if the issue is operational or background-related. The initial question was automatically deleted by the system, so I wrote another. In fact, these two similar questions are all questions I wrote myself. I am grateful to see that many answerers have provided patient assistance by replying to both of my questions separately, even though they are the same.

I have also been carefully and attentively reading each and every reply to my two questions below, and I am grateful to have received your encouragement and support.

My emotional state has not improved significantly. However, I have noticed that reading new questions and answers on this platform provides a degree of relief when I am experiencing severe depression. I am grateful for this platform as it offers a valuable outlet for expressing my emotions while also receiving care and understanding.

I must express my profound disquiet at the current situation, which I find particularly challenging during this winter period and in the context of the ongoing pandemic.

Grandpa was always in good health, with extremely good living habits. He did not smoke or drink, and he had a passion for calligraphy and reading. I always thought that if I could emulate one-fifth of his attitude and habits when I am old, it would be sufficient.

However, I am of the opinion that the world is currently full of uncertainty and injustice.

I am aware that he would not want me to be sad, but it is challenging to maintain control. Memories of him can enter my mind even when I am daydreaming, and I am unable to regulate my emotions.

It is not my intention to cause distress to my family.

This may be the most effective method for me to express my thoughts and engage in dialogue.

I appreciate your support and will continue to review your suggestions. I will strive to demonstrate resilience and fortitude at the earliest opportunity.

Dear Question Asker,

From your description, it is evident that you are longing for your grandfather and experiencing discomfort due to the lack of a final encounter. Concurrently, you possess a keen awareness and recognize that this distress is influencing your life. Consequently, you have sought assistance to address these emotions.

First, provide yourself with a warm embrace, while simultaneously acknowledging the affectionate bond you shared with your grandfather, your ambivalence about his departure, and your contemplations about him.

You have described how your father and grandfather favored sons over daughters. However, your grandfather gave you a warm light, encouragement, and hope. This demonstrates that your grandfather also loved you wholeheartedly. Furthermore, you have not disappointed your grandfather. You have worked hard and lived your life to the fullest.

Due to your profound affection for your grandfather and his affection for you, as well as the circumstances of the pandemic, you experience a profound sense of guilt for not allowing him to meet your children before his demise. It is probable that your grandfather would have been able to comprehend your feelings and would not have been concerned about these matters. What are your thoughts on this matter?

I have compiled a list of strategies that may assist you in managing these challenging emotions and facilitate your transition.

Firstly, it is necessary to adjust one's mindset.

It is acknowledged that you are experiencing profound sadness and self-blame. However, it is imperative to understand that these emotions are not a reflection of your worthiness or deservingness. Your grandfather's aspirations for you extend beyond mere emotional distress and self-reproach. He desires to see you flourish and navigate life's challenges with fortitude and resilience. Therefore, it is crucial to embrace the love and guidance he has bestowed upon you and to utilize it as a source of strength in your daily life.

Secondly, it is recommended that you seek the assistance of a qualified hypnotist or counselor.

From your description, it is evident that you hold yourself responsible for your grandfather's demise, exhibit a profound sense of attachment to him, and experience a profound sense of loss. At this juncture, it is recommended that you seek the assistance of a qualified hypnotist to facilitate a symbolic farewell to your grandfather. Alternatively, a professional counselor can assist you in navigating these challenging emotions.

Subsequently, it is important to allow oneself to experience grief.

Grandpa serves as a source of solace and guidance during one's formative years. It is natural to experience a sense of loss upon his demise. It is essential to allow oneself to grieve. When feeling sad, it can be beneficial to embrace oneself in a manner similar to how Grandpa embraced you. This act of self-compassion is a way of reciprocating Grandpa's love for you. It is a normal and acceptable response. It is essential to take the time to process these emotions. It is evident that you have striven to cope with these feelings in a constructive manner. It is important to strive to live a fulfilling life, not only for your own sake but also to honor Grandpa's memory. It is also important to acknowledge the existence of Grandpa.

The next step is to recount tales to the children about their grandfather.

Although the grandfather figure is no longer present, the love and affection he represented remain. He has left behind a legacy of love, and it is up to the individual to continue to carry that torch. In this way, the grandfather figure will always be present in the lives of his descendants. When feelings of longing for the grandfather figure arise, it is beneficial to engage in storytelling with children about the grandfather figure, thereby ensuring that the memory of the grandfather figure is preserved. This practice also serves to demonstrate respect for the grandfather figure and to ensure that his presence, thoughts, and love continue to exist.

Ultimately, when experiencing feelings of sadness, it is recommended to close one's eyes, embrace oneself, and give oneself a reassuring pat. Additionally, it may be beneficial to imagine one's grandfather standing right in front of oneself. This allows for the expression of one's thoughts and feelings of remorse, while simultaneously conveying the intention to adapt positively and improve oneself, in order to honor the love and guidance that one has received. This love is then retained within the heart.

Hello, question asker. I can see that you're experiencing some confusion right now, and I'm here to support you.

I can see that you are experiencing some emotional difficulties. Please accept my condolences.

I can understand why you might be afraid to watch any news about the coronavirus, given that your grandfather passed away from a coronavirus infection.

It's possible that you didn't have the opportunity to return to pay your respects because of the situation with the epidemic. Perhaps you could take your child to do so now?

I can relate to your situation and empathize with your feelings.

My father, who passed away on January 6 of this year, also had two elderly relatives who were unfortunately taken by the new crown. One of them finally left because, although he recovered, he had long-term diabetes and his kidneys were not in good condition.

Indeed, as Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross insightfully observed, we all typically traverse a series of five stages when confronting grief, such as the loss of a loved one.

1.) Denial

2.) Anger

3.) Pleading

4.) Frustration

5.) Acceptance

(Please note that the above references are from the Internet.)

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what you could do now.

You might consider seeking the help of a professional counselor to assist you in conducting a formal farewell ceremony with your grandfather.

She may wish to consider using the "empty chair technique."

One possible approach is the "empty chair technique," which involves sitting in a chair and imagining that your grandfather is also sitting in the other empty chair. This can be a helpful way to express your feelings and thoughts, including any sense of guilt you may have for not being able to take the child back to him to kowtow or for not being able to see him for the last time.

If you are packing up your grandfather's things, you might consider creating a photo album of his pictures and writing down his teachings for you. Showing this to your children and having them show it to their children could be a meaningful way to pass down his wisdom from generation to generation.

I believe this could be a meaningful thing to pass down from generation to generation.

When my mother passed away more than six years ago, I experienced a similar range of emotions to what you are currently feeling. It was a challenging period for me, and I still feel her absence deeply.

At a later point in time, I was comforted by my mother's high school classmate.

She said, "It seems that my mother has only left her physical body, but her soul continues to watch over me in a way that I cannot see, and continues to care for and protect me."

Could I suggest that if you think about it from the above perspective, it might help the question asker to feel better?

I believe that your grandfather, who has gone to the other side of the world, also hopes that you can continue to live bravely with your family, rather than being trapped in the grief of losing him and never being able to come out.

I believe that your grandfather will probably forgive you, too. It is understandable that you did not go back to see him for the last time because of the pandemic; it was not predictable.

I respectfully believe that your grandfather will not blame you for not taking care of the baby and will be happy to see the pictures you show him.

I truly hope that the issue you are currently facing can be resolved as soon as possible.

At this moment, I can only think of these things.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you. I am the respondent, and I study hard every day.

On behalf of Yixinli, I would like to extend my warmest regards and best wishes to you.

Hello, question asker!

I have read your question very carefully and I can sense your gratitude towards your grandfather. I am certain that without your grandfather, every step in your life would have been more challenging. That is why you miss your grandfather so much, and that is why you feel so heavy-hearted.

We are born into a certain family with certain parents, grandparents, and so on. We can't choose them, and when we were young, we really had no choice but to adapt. That's why when we grow up, we feel so lucky to have met someone who is good to us, and we especially care about people who truly love us. This wonderful encounter is made possible by the love of our elders for us, as well as our filial piety and gratitude towards them. From this perspective, you are a particularly sensible and filial child. I commend you for your understanding and filial piety!

Good people have good lives. You are a good person, so how can you get out of this difficult situation? I will share my views based on my personal experience and knowledge!

First, accept the current state of your life. You are now facing the departure of your grandfather, whom you have not seen for the last time, and you will never hear his words of love for you again. There is also the collapse of your father's positive image, which has affected you despite the passage of a year. These are all things that will accompany you in your life in the future, and they will appear in your mind at any moment. Once something happens, it happens. Time will not turn back, no matter how we fight it or how unwilling we are to accept it.

Time goes on as usual, passing by. I refuse to fight against the world's operation every time. We who live in it must move forward more beneficially by coexisting with these things, that is, by accepting these states of life.

Second, change your perspective on different things. It's normal to be affected by Grandpa's sudden departure and the fact that it wasn't a long time ago. This is a process that everyone goes through, so don't watch the news about the coronavirus. When others are happy, you feel grief, constantly thinking about the old man and unable to do normal things. This is irrelevant. Do what you want to do.

As long as you feel better, you can think about it again. Grandpa is getting old, and people of advanced age have some basic illnesses. It is estimated that in recent years, he has endured the painful torment of illness. For him, such a death is not a bad thing, and there will be a lot less pain. Besides, it's been almost a year since Grandpa passed away, and your father's image in your mind has collapsed. It's better than Grandpa being gone early, and then your father's image collapsing in your mind. In that case, your days would be even more sad. We should be content with this arrangement in life.

Think about the things in your life that trouble you from a 360-degree perspective. There are always a few angles that will help us. Do you know this saying? "Trouble is enlightenment." Understand it, and you will gain the wisdom of life.

Finally, strengthen your will to change. When you become aware of a problem, come to this platform in time to ask questions and seek change. The fact that you are no longer willing to maintain the status quo and cannot concentrate on your work is the beginning of healing. You are already actively thinking of ways to solve the problem. The next step is the key to your own change. You must find a way to strengthen your will to change. You must change because your grandfather's death cannot be changed. When he was alive, he provided you with a good living environment and spiritual wealth when you were young. He has always provided you with spiritual support in your life. His goal was to make your life better. In heaven, he will surely hope that you turn your thoughts of him into motivation for moving forward. He will surely be watching from heaven as you change and grow quickly after his sudden departure. He definitely hopes that in the end, you will be able to use this method to once again gain life experience and grow quickly from another perspective. We must not let down the love of our elders.

You will carry your grandfather's love with you in your future life. You are lucky and filial, and I wish you the best!

The world and I love you!

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to express my gratitude for the opportunity to connect with you through your written words. Reading your work evokes a sense of personal interaction, as though I were meeting you in person. Sincerely, [Your name]

After reading this detailed account, I would like to extend my sincerest condolences and offer my support. I hope that it can provide some measure of comfort in the midst of your grief. I also want to express my understanding of the unexpected challenges you have faced. You have clearly put in a great deal of effort. I hope that sharing this on the platform will help to reduce the sadness you feel when you think about this in the future.

Let us discuss this based on your description.

The first sentence in your description states, "My parents were occupied with work, and my father's family placed a higher value on boys than girls. I was raised by my grandparents." This sentence alone illustrates the strength of your bond with your grandfather. While your parents provided you with life, your grandparents were the primary caregivers and mentors who shaped your future. As the two most influential figures in your life, your grandparents offered a warmth that your parents could not. The sudden and successive deaths of your grandparents have resulted in the loss of a vital source of support. The abrupt nature of this change would be challenging for anyone, and I empathize with the difficulties you are currently facing.

In your subsequent description, however, I perceive a shift in perspective. You have indicated that your grandfather has imparted numerous life lessons and is the individual you most admire and respect. It may, therefore, be the case that the qualities in your grandfather have also had a profound impact on you. At this juncture, it may be beneficial to reflect on the specific qualities in your grandfather that you have found valuable and would like to absorb and inherit.

This is undoubtedly a very thought-provoking aspect. As the two elders in the family who love you the most and are also your favorite people, your grandparents must have hoped that you would live well and take care of yourself, whether they are there or not. Now that they are gone, you can still use your eyes and heart to carefully look at and feel for them the beautiful world that they did not have time to see and feel.

From the information provided, I learned that it was the new coronavirus that took your grandfather away. You are blaming yourself for this and regretting that you didn't have time to go back to see him, stay with him, or talk to him more. Considering his constant care for you, you are experiencing a high level of grief and are unable to move on. You are now avoiding any news about the new coronavirus, or even any popular searches for the New Year. Seeing the joy and happiness of others only adds to your sorrow. At home, you are constantly thinking about the old man who has passed away, and always feel that everything is a nightmare, and that he will still be there when you wake up.

Due to the circumstances surrounding the epidemic, I was unable to bring my child to him to show him and allow him to bow. There were numerous items I was unable to communicate to him, and a great deal of joy I was unable to share with him. He simply departed without notice.

It is challenging to concentrate on work when you are experiencing such pain.

Upon reaching this juncture, I experienced a sudden surge of warmth in my heart. This warmth emanates from the words of this passage, which offer a sense of strength and resilience in navigating your grief. You are courageously confronting your pain and this is the most courageous act you have performed throughout this process. You have allowed yourself to grieve and suffer, and you have accepted the reality that your ability to concentrate on work has temporarily diminished. You have grown and learned to prioritize your well-being. I believe that when your grandparents see you living such a strong and purposeful life in heaven, they will feel comforted.

I am aware that it will take some time to recover from the sudden and intense grief, but I believe that at this moment you are ready to continue to adjust. Use this time to properly adjust and clear your emotions. You have come to the platform to release, and I believe that it is only a matter of time before you set off again and run towards a new future.

Please do not hesitate to return to this platform at any time. We are here to support you.

Please take care of yourself.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I try to be humble and consistent.

I believe that parents are still here in our lives.

From your description, I can sense the profound sadness that comes with losing a loved one. It's a feeling that's so direct and so real and true that it can be challenging for those who haven't experienced it to fully comprehend it. Grandpa is no longer with us, and our love has lost its anchor point.

Dear original poster, it is important to allow yourself to experience the pain that you are feeling. It is understandable if you are struggling to forgive yourself for not being able to give the company you wanted to give, or if you are experiencing regret for not letting your child see their last moments. It is natural to have these emotions and to feel them growing.

It is important to allow ourselves the time and space to come to terms with the fact that our loved ones are no longer with us. We must also accept the impermanence of life and embrace it with even greater love and understanding. We can gain valuable insights into the deeper meaning of love and family from those who have left us.

Perhaps we could say that life is like a homecoming.

In life, Grandpa's role replaced that of our parents. Now that he is gone, we feel that our lives have lost a certain equilibrium. In the past, no matter how far you went, you could always find your way back to Grandpa. But now it seems that this path is gone.

Grandpa loved us, and we loved him back. While the form and energy may have been different, the original intention of love was the same.

Perhaps we could try to love our parents and children with more love. I think Grandpa would prefer to see an open-minded and optimistic you.

The new crown has taken away his loved ones, and seeing reports and news about the new crown makes him feel uncomfortable because it has taken away your extremely important emotional link. But we still have to live a good life and love life. Grandpa, who is already on his way home, is just accompanying us in another parallel world.

I hope this message finds you well. Please accept my best regards.

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to drop you a quick line to check in and see how you are doing. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you need anything. Wishing you a great day ahead, Best regards, [Name]

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to inform you that you may be prone to depression. Kind regards,

The rationale behind this assertion is as follows:

The abrupt change in circumstances has resulted in a prolonged period of emotional distress, with feelings of depression and self-blame for perceived misfortunes.

Your emotions are now affecting your work performance.

Grandpa was a significant other in your life, and his influence was considerable. As you noted, "Grandpa provided me with a good living environment and gave me great spiritual wealth, which I will benefit from for the rest of my life. He is the person I admire and love most." Grandpa is irreplaceable in your life. He is not only your grandfather, but also serves the role of "father."

Your father's family places a higher value on boys than girls, and you have already developed feelings of disappointment, anger, and resentment towards the role of father. However, Grandpa's presence filled in for the "role of father," alleviating your emotions and even making up for your feelings. Therefore, you are still relatively understanding and accepting of your real father.

However, the sudden collapse of the image of your father made you realize that the real father is different from the father in your emotions, leading to disappointment. Fortunately, the continued presence of your grandfather and the comforting role he played allowed you to accept the support of your loved ones and gradually overcome your grief.

The death of your grandfather has resulted in the loss of both your grandfather and the individual who served as your father figure, your grandfather. This has caused a significant emotional impact, leading to a sudden collapse of your emotional state.

As a result, you are experiencing a heightened sense of longing for your grandfather's care and affection. This has led to a tendency to self-criticize, comparing your actions and contributions to those of your grandfather. This self-reflection has led to feelings of guilt and remorse.

Dear, It is important to understand that Grandpa's love for you is selfless and does not ask for anything in return. You know in your heart that he does not need you to be so hard on yourself, and your current state is actually hurting him.

Grandpa provided you with guidance and support throughout your life, instilling in you the values and principles that would enable you to grow into a well-rounded individual. He was a proud witness to your marriage and the advent of your own family, and undoubtedly felt immense joy and fulfillment at this pivotal moment.

He has observed that you are capable of providing for yourself and your child. He considers his mission to be complete.

Dear Sir/Madam, While your grandfather is no longer with us, his spirit lives on in your memories. By sharing your experiences of him with your child, you are ensuring that his legacy remains alive. You will continue to remember him together, celebrating his life and commemorating his contributions. This ensures that your grandfather's memory will always be present, guiding you and your child through life. Best regards, [Name]

Take the child, bring flowers, and visit your grandfather. Engage in a discussion about your grandfather in front of the tombstone (some people believe that when we discuss someone, they exist; when we don't discuss them, they disappear). Discuss with him your own experiences, thoughts, and observations about the child's growth, current grade, and recent interests. He is listening.

I hope this message finds you well. I hope my response is helpful.

The world, your family, and your grandfather all love you.

Good day. My name is Yong Jing, and I am a licensed psychological counselor. I extend my gratitude to you for your courage in disclosing your circumstances and emotions with us.

From your words, it is evident that you are profoundly saddened. The rapidity of change in the world has left many of us unprepared. During the past three years of the pandemic, many people have lost their loved ones, and like you, some were unable to accompany them on their last journey. You were unable to share in their growth and the happiness of your family, and to allow them to experience some family bliss. You feel a profound sense of regret and guilt, and even some self-blame. I empathize with you deeply through your words. I feel your deep love for your grandfather. That love is very strong and passionate. I believe that your grandfather in heaven can also feel it. He would probably be gratified to have such a loving niece.

Feelings of sadness and self-blame impede one's ability to function effectively at work. It is evident that there are numerous issues in your heart that you have not yet conveyed to Grandpa, and you have been unable to overcome them. When observing your current state, it is inevitable that Grandpa will experience sadness as well. Despite his absence, his affection for you remains constant and unwavering.

One may engage in this practice in a private setting, such as one's own room, where they may imagine their grandfather is present. In this imagined scenario, the individual may express their deepest feelings and love for their grandfather, recount their inability to visit him during the pandemic, express hope that he can comprehend their situation, and wish blessings upon themselves and their grandfather. Additionally, they may express their intention to pass on their grandfather's love to their children and strive to live their life well. This practice offers profound comfort to the individual's grandfather.

It is my hope that this response is of some assistance.

The questioner has a favorable outlook for the New Year. It is evident that the questioner is experiencing profound grief and pain. The individual they held in the highest regard has departed, and they will no longer experience the profound sense of being "valued" and "loved." In addition to losing this individual, the questioner has also lost the love that this individual brought them. It is understandable that the questioner's spiritual "pillar" has collapsed all at once.

The trajectory of life encompasses the stages of birth, aging, illness, and death. From the moment of birth, life is confronted with the inevitability of illness and death. This is a universal experience that cannot be avoided by personal choice. The desire to avoid illness or death does not guarantee immunity or longevity. Consequently, humans and many animals receive vaccines at designated intervals after birth to bolster their resistance to specific diseases and prolong their individual lifespans. Despite these measures, the inevitability of illness and death remains unavoidable.

For the deceased, death can be viewed as both a physiological indicator of the decline of bodily functions and a means of liberation from the "torture" of illness, thereby ending the suffering associated with unspeakable pain. I once encountered an elderly individual who was confined to a seated position due to prolonged illness. His waist had assumed a fixed, seated posture over time, rendering him unable to assume a recumbent position or to fully extend his limbs. He required assistance with all activities of daily living, including eating, drinking, and using the bathroom. I found his condition to be highly distressing.

His daughter indicated that the elderly gentleman had been in this condition for over a decade. He was unable to choose to live with dignity and autonomy, and was dependent on others for all aspects of his care. It is reasonable to posit that he experienced significant distress. Had his life come to an end at that moment, he would have been spared the ordeal of enduring such a painful existence. He would have been liberated from the necessity of relying on others for care, and would have been able to cease looking at other people's faces and listening to their nagging and accusations.

The death of a loved one often results in feelings of sadness and a disruption in the ability to "live a normal life" for a brief period. This is a normal psychological response to a sudden loss and requires time to process and adapt. It is therefore important for the questioner to allow themselves to experience grief and pain, to express their emotions through crying, to communicate with the elderly when they are alone, and to take a few days to release their inner emotions and feelings without self-repression.

Hello, question asker!

Please accept my condolences!

I can see that your grandfather's death has hit you hard and made you feel the weight of life!

In your heart of hearts, your grandfather was so much more than just your main financial provider. He was also the person you relied on for survival since childhood.

I believe that anyone who loses a loved one who is important in their life

Everyone feels very sad and upset, but for you, there is an additional layer of self-blame, guilt, and remorse.

You didn't get to talk to your grandfather more before he passed away, or spend more time with him in his final days. But that's OK!

I want to tell you something really important!

It's not your fault!

It's not your fault!

This is not your fault!

The end of life is a topic that everyone gets to experience at some point. From the moment we are born, our lives

Life is a journey towards the essence of life. While life is unpredictable, many people pass away sooner, faster, and more suddenly than others.

Your grandfather, like millions of other elderly people who died of illness during the pandemic, unfortunately did not survive this disaster. But this may have been his destiny!

You should not mourn for anyone else at your grandfather's grave!

I totally get it. Your grandfather's death has caused you so much grief. But it's also given you a chance to grow and become the amazing person you are today.

Your grandfather was a truly special person. He was a father's image, especially in an environment where men are valued over women from childhood to adulthood. It is very rare and precious for your grandfather to be able to love and care for you so much!

Pay your respects at your grandfather's grave! You had the incredible opportunity to grow up slowly with him, which is why his death is so difficult to accept.

If there was no ritual of mourning in front of your grandfather's altar, or in front of your grandfather's grave, or in front of your grandfather's

In front of his relics, let it all out! Let your grief, remorse, self-blame, guilt, and immense sorrow flow freely.

We can start living again, and we will, if we deal with our grief well!

I want to emphasize once again how important family rituals are, such as the one for your grandfather.

The rituals of the 37th, 57th, 77th, and 100th days after a funeral are a wonderful way to express your grief. If your grandpa's family's customs are not that cumbersome,

You can try something really special: cry out your sorrows in a closed and safe space, facing your grandfather's portrait.

I absolutely believe that your grandfather is watching from above and can see and understand your love and filial piety!

I know you can do it! When you learn to take better care of yourself and can live more happily on your own, the elderly in heaven will be very happy!

They will be so happy!

I am Consultant Yao, and I'm here to support you every step of the way!

You can do it! I know you can get through this!

Hello! Let me give you a 360-degree hug!

In this question, you mentioned two things: one about your father and the other about your grandfather's death.

These two things are actually related to one amazing theme: loss! The loss we're talking about here is about losing something, but not completely losing it. Think about it: death, divorce, and other losses. Losing your beloved doll is also a loss, as is losing your childlike innocence.

The concept of loss is so broad!

Let's consider your father. You say, "The noble image of my father in my heart suddenly collapsed." This can be considered the loss of a noble father, and it may be replaced by an image of a father who is not as respectable to you, or even one you hate and detest. This is a kind of loss. But it's also an opportunity for something new and exciting to emerge!

Your grandfather, who raised you single-handedly, gave you a good living environment and spiritual wealth, was the only spiritual pillar in your family, and the person you admired and respected the most, has unfortunately also left you because of the coronavirus. You're feeling a bit down, but you'll be back to your usual self in no time!

Loss is a complex and difficult emotion to understand, but we can all conquer it!

American psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross proposed the "five stages of grief" in her book On Death and Dying. If we are stuck in one of these stages and the grieving process is not complete, it is possible that we have not healed from the trauma caused by the loss. But don't worry! This loss trauma may come back from time to time to disturb our lives and remind us of our loss, but it doesn't mean we haven't healed. We just need to complete the grieving process to fully heal.

I'm excited to share the five stages with you!

The first stage is denial, which simply means that this will not happen to me. People in this stage are unwilling to accept the loss, and they are not even aware of it. But there's no need to be! This is just a phase.

The second stage is anger. And it's a good thing, too! It's simply a matter of asking, "Why me?"

For example, people who have lost a loved one may feel angry with the deceased and blame them for leaving.

The third stage is bargaining. This is where things really get interesting! At this stage, the bereaved will want to make a deal with the departed loved one or try to bargain with God, begging and praying for them to come back.

For example, if I...

...

TA may not be the answer, but there are plenty of other options!

.

.

Guess what! If you take them to a big hospital for treatment, the outcome could be totally different!

The lost person is so eager to protect themselves from the painful reality that they defend themselves in this way.

This is probably the stage you are currently going through, where you're learning to let go of the guilt you feel for not spending more time with your grandfather, not talking to him more, not bringing your children to see him, not bowing to him, etc.

The fourth stage is depression. This stage is usually characterized by a strong sense of helplessness, depression, pain, self-pity, and mourning that overwhelms all hopes, dreams, and future plans. It feels like you're losing control and numbness. But don't worry! This stage is only temporary. It'll pass!

From your question, it's clear you're in the midst of this stage too! The loss of your grandfather has certainly disrupted the rhythm of your life and work, but you're ready to embrace the next stage.

Embrace the new you! You can't go back to your old life.

The fifth and final stage is acceptance. This is the moment when you say goodbye to the past and hello to a brighter future. You must accept the loss and move on from the bereavement, but you can take with you the good memories of the loved one and use them to fuel your journey to a better life.

For example, they realize that their loved ones have left and will not return, and that their own lives must go on. This is an opportunity to embrace a new chapter in their life! They can mourn, but they must not become depressed and must continue to live their lives with the love of their loved ones.

The good news is that you can go through these five stages at your own pace. You may even take two steps back, but you will eventually get to the other side!

This process is something you have to experience for yourself. It's not something anyone else can do for you.

Once you've made it through these five stages, you'll be on the road to recovery!

If you get stuck at a certain stage, don't worry! Talk to a counselor and they'll help you move on to the next stage.

I've got some great recommendations for you! Check out "Grief Therapy: Accompanying the Bereaved through the Valley of the Shadow of Death," "The Art of Grieving: A Beautiful Way to Reclaim the Experience of Loss," and "Necessary Losses: How We Grow Through Loss, Parting, and Abandonment."

I would highly, highly recommend a few methods that I personally find very helpful.

First, go to your grandfather's grave and say goodbye to him! Tell him everything on your mind. You could even bring some of his favorite food and wine and spend some time drinking with him!

You can even take your child with you, chat with your grandfather, drink a glass of wine, talk about your work, your plans for the future, and so much more!

Second, it's time to write down all those amazing stories you shared with your grandfather! You can write them in chronological order, about your grandfather's company when you were young, his teachings when you grew up, and so much more. You'll get to relive the deep affection you shared with your grandfather in the process!

I don't know if you've read a book called Autumn Garden by Yang Benfen. This is an incredible story about Yang Benfen and her mother, written when she was in her 80s. Yang Benfen's original intention in writing this book was that after her mother passed away, she was hit by a huge wave of grief, and her body and mind were almost unable to recover. She had this amazing realization that if no one wrote down some things, her mother's traces in this world would soon be erased. So, the 80-year-old amateur Yang Benfen wrote Autumn Garden to commemorate her mother and heal her grief.

I also highly recommend that you write about it! Don't worry about your writing style; just write whatever comes to mind!

Third, find a friend who gets you and is there for you when you need them. You can even tell your children stories about your great-grandfather!

Telling is healing!

Absolutely! The best thing you can do is talk to a counselor.

I am a psychological counselor who is often depressed and sometimes optimistic. The world and I love you!

In light of your question, I feel compelled to extend my support and solidarity. It is undeniable that the recent advent of the novel corona virus has had a profound impact on us all, creating a challenging external environment that we cannot control.

In today's world, we are faced with an increasing number of challenges and uncertainties. These circumstances can disrupt our natural rhythm and plans, leading to feelings of irritability, anxiety, discomfort, and helplessness.

The news outside also has a significant impact on us, and the increasing number of deaths is a cause for concern for everyone. We are constantly worried about our own lives.

I am truly sorry to hear about the untimely passing of someone who was likely the most important person in your life. I wish I could offer you a hug right now. Death is a topic that we all have to face at some point in our lives. Our parents are a barrier between us and death. Once they are gone, we will have to face death head on. For you, your grandfather was that barrier.

I have been told that your grandparents were very generous with you when you were young. I believe you are very fortunate to have had such kind and caring people in your life.

It is understandable that you are experiencing pain, helplessness, and remorse in the wake of the loss of a loved one. The various news about the coronavirus may also be a source of distress, as it may remind you of your deceased loved one.

I believe you can adjust yourself and face life head-on, even if it's just for a little while. I want to tell you that when you look at me, talk about me with others, and reminisce about me over and over again, I am by your side.

Similarly, you have expressed this experience of the departure of a loved one in a way that suggests they have always existed, always been by your side, and have been a source of blessing in your life.

From their perspective, it is likely that they hope that, after they leave, you will not be sad and will continue to live your life well. It is worth trying to be happy every day.

It is often the case that we only begin to regret our actions after they have already been carried out. It is important to remember, however, that you did nothing wrong and that you should not be too harsh on yourself. In life, we will inevitably face a number of difficult choices and situations where we feel helpless.

I believe that the joy and happiness you once experienced is real and will not disappear with the end of life, but will continue forever. I think that kind of strength that it brings you has always been there until now.

When people feel cold and tired, they may benefit from seeking out a warm place to find the strength to experience happiness, joy, beauty, or the strength to start again.

It is natural to grieve for a short time. It is important not to be too hard on yourself. This kind of emotion is normal, and it is important to allow it to exist. However, it is also important to accumulate positive energy, upward energy, and the energy to start again.

It might be helpful to carry the beautiful memories they gave you. Perhaps it would be beneficial to keep moving forward and live life to the fullest.

It is worth noting that regardless of the circumstances, whether it be the death of a loved one or the realization that our current path differs from our original aspirations, these experiences can often lead to feelings of discomfort and a persistent state of anxiety. In such moments, it can be beneficial to pursue an activity that piques our interest and allow ourselves to gradually adjust our emotional state.

If you're still feeling sad after a while, you might consider talking to a good friend. They may be able to offer you some support and strength. With time, things will naturally start to feel better.

It might be helpful to consider allowing these emotions to exist, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. If they persist for too long, it may be necessary to adjust to them.

If you feel that your current life is already facing a challenging moment and there is no immediate way out, it might be helpful to focus on the beauty in life, such as the sunrise, sunset, starry sky, and the friendly people around you. For you, your grandparents are a significant presence in your life, so it's understandable if you feel a sense of loss.

It may be helpful to consider that we don't need to deliberately avoid situations that make us feel pain because we miss them. Instead, we can allow ourselves to get used to starting again with this weight.

I recently came across a drama that I found quite inspiring called Go Where the Wind Takes You, which I feel may resonate with your situation. I would highly recommend watching it as I feel it can offer a sense of healing and help you find the strength to live. Perhaps after watching it, you may have some thoughts and choices of your own. Whatever choice you make, I will be there to support you.

I tend to find that using methods like appreciating the scenery outside or traveling helps me to adjust my emotions during periods of long-term suffering. It allows me to see the beauty in life.

If you are feeling sad, you might consider reflecting on the positive aspects of your relationships with others.

I have found that, no matter how painful and powerless you feel, the pain will dissipate with each sunset, and the next day will be a new beginning. You will definitely be like the sunset, even if you set, you will still shine.

I believe that things will get better. I believe in you.

I believe in you. Have faith in your abilities. You can do this.

Greetings, question asker. My name is Jiang 61.

I would like to express my gratitude to you and the platform for placing your trust in us by disclosing your distressing issues and seeking assistance. I am aware that you have been experiencing profound distress and have been unable to find a way out.

Let me offer you a hug. The sudden departure of your most trusted family member is a challenging situation to navigate. Your objective in seeking assistance is to connect with someone who can provide understanding and support.

Let us endeavor to assist you in this endeavor.

1. Family Ranking

The first category is that of the grandparents.

You stated, "My parents are preoccupied with their professional obligations, and my father's family places a higher value on boys than on girls. Consequently, I was raised by my grandparents. My grandfather furnished me with a favorable living environment and imparted to me a profound spiritual legacy that will benefit me for the remainder of my life. He is the individual I hold in the highest regard and love most dearly."

The subject should be assigned the female gender. The parents were preoccupied with their professional obligations, and the grandparents' family placed a higher value on boys than on girls, resulting in the subject's upbringing by the grandparents. Consequently, the subject displays a profound attachment to the grandparents.

In addition to providing for your material needs, your grandfather also offered you spiritual guidance and support, imparting upon you a profound sense of spiritual wealth that will serve you throughout your life. You hold your grandfather in high regard, viewing him as a figure of admiration and affection.

He has assumed the role of a significant other in your life, becoming the primary figure in the family hierarchy, occupying the place of your parents.

2. The image of my father

You stated, "Last year, my father's personal issues already caused me significant distress, and the noble image of my father in my heart suddenly disintegrated. However, I am grateful to have other family members who consistently offer me encouragement and solace."

Your father was an important figure in your life and was originally perceived as a perfect and noble individual. However, due to your father's personal issues, you feel that his image has been severely compromised, resulting in significant emotional distress. You have developed a profound sense of disappointment with your father and appear to have undergone a significant shift in your worldview.

This emotional change also resulted in significant distress.

You indicated that other family members provided encouragement. It may be inferred that your grandfather discerned your distress and offered timely and constructive counsel, thereby facilitating your recovery from this challenging period.

3⃣️, spiritual support

You stated, "However, the recent acquisition of a new crown has abruptly deprived our family of the sole spiritual source of support, namely my grandfather. I have been persistently self-reproachful and remorseful for failing to allocate sufficient time to visit him, accompany him, and engage in further discourse with him. Nevertheless, he consistently demonstrated affection and concern for me. I am currently overwhelmed by profound grief and unable to extricate myself."

The unexpected demise of my grandfather

The unexpected passing of your grandfather has had a profound impact on you.

As is the case with the majority of the elderly population, the pandemic has had an adverse effect on your grandfather, resulting in his untimely demise. You had relied on your grandfather as a source of strength and support.

The abrupt and unexpected nature of the situation is difficult to accept.

? Self-blame

The individual in question is consumed by feelings of self-blame, remorse, pain, and guilt on a daily basis. This is due to the fact that their grandfather provided them with care, support, and affection, acting as a confidant.

You have been unable to fulfill your filial duty, and your grandfather has already passed away. As a result, you are experiencing profound grief and are unable to move on.

4. Grief

You assert, "I am disinclined to view any news pertaining to the novel coronavirus, and I am similarly disinclined to peruse the most searched terms on the Chinese New Year. Witnessing the joy of others only serves to exacerbate my grief. In the privacy of my residence, I am unable to disengage from the contemplation of the deceased patriarch. I am perpetually beset by the conviction that this is but a nightmare, and that he will still be there when I awaken."

I did not even have the opportunity to bring my child to see him and pay my respects due to the epidemic. There are numerous things I did not have the chance to tell him, and a great deal of joy I was unable to share with him before he passed away. I am unable to overcome this pain, and I am unable to concentrate on work..."

The subject displays an unwillingness to acknowledge the reality of the situation.

You are reluctant to view the news or search for trending topics, as you are fearful of encountering content related to the novel coronavirus. You are unable to accept the reality that your grandfather has passed away.

Furthermore, there is an unwillingness to acknowledge this reality.

The presence of unfinished business

You believe there is unfinished business between you that requires resolution, including the transfer of positive affect to him and the sharing of that affect with him. It is evident that you are emotionally attached to him.

Emotional state

This profound despondency has consistently pervaded the depths of your emotional being, rendering it an unyielding presence that precludes the ability to engage in any other thoughts, and thus impairs your capacity to function in your usual professional capacity.

2. The Cause of Suffering

1. The Cause of Suffering

From the information provided in the narrative, it is evident that the subject is experiencing significant distress and self-blame. The pain appears to originate from a profound attachment to and reliance on loved ones.

The concept of love is multifaceted and complex. It encompasses a range of emotional, cognitive, and behavioral responses that can be experienced in varying degrees of intensity.

The absence of love is not a source of pain; conversely, the presence of love is a catalyst for pain. The depth of love is directly correlated with the intensity of pain.

Your grandfather's affection for you exceeded that of your parents, which resulted in your reliance on him. The loss of a trusted and relied-upon individual can cause psychological distress.

Inability to function independently

Grandpa's love for you can be described as selfless, providing you with the emotional support and guidance necessary to navigate other challenging experiences and becoming a source of spiritual strength. Having a grandpa who offers unconditional love, care, and encouragement is a double-edged sword in your life, simultaneously a blessing and a potential hindrance to your personal growth and development.

The individual in question also lost an opportunity for self-growth because, while he was offering them consolation, they were unable to identify their own flaws and unable to grow. As a result, they were unable to become truly independent and form their own personality, which affected their own development.

2⃣️, Stress response

The inability to resolve grief

It is evident that you have experienced challenges, and your grandfather has provided assistance in resolving them. However, with the absence of your trusted confidant, you are confronted with an inability to process your feelings of longing and grief. These emotions remain unresolved, perpetuating a state of emotional stagnation and intensifying your depressive symptoms.

A traumatic stress reaction has occurred.

An additional significant factor contributing to the development of depressive symptoms is an inability to accept reality. This includes an inability to accept the reality that one's grandfather has passed away and an unwillingness to confront the future.

A traumatic stress reaction has occurred, which has resulted in a tendency to dwell on the past and an unwillingness to confront the future. This is accompanied by an apprehension about self-reproach. Consequently, the individual is depressed.

3⃣, as a result of your personality

From your description, it can be inferred that you regard your grandfather as a friend with whom you can confide, which suggests that you have few close friends, are relatively closed off, and that your parents have neglected to show you love. Consequently, you are accustomed to keeping everything inside and lack trust in others. It is therefore probable that you are dependent.

Individuals with a dependent personality

A dependent personality is one that is characterized by a lack of independence. This personality type is typified by an excessive craving for closeness and belonging, which is obsessive, blind, and irrational, and is not grounded in genuine feelings.

The following characteristics are indicative of a dependent personality:

1) A pervasive sense of helplessness, whereby others are permitted to make the majority of significant decisions on their behalf.

2) A deficiency in independence, manifested as difficulty in planning or undertaking tasks independently.

3) A sense of unease and helplessness when alone, or a tendency to seek out social interaction as a means of avoiding feelings of loneliness.

4) Displaying a tendency to become helpless or to experience a sense of collapse when close relationships come to an end.

5) Frequently plagued by thoughts of abandonment.

From the information provided, it can be inferred that these characteristics are present, which suggests that a dependent personality may be the underlying cause.

The etiology of a dependent personality

The formation of a dependent personality is contingent upon the provision of excessive care during the early childhood years, which subsequently impairs the child's capacity for independent living. In other words, when the child is compelled to live independently, the parents' failure to instill a sense of security after separation, coupled with their overprotection and indulgence, results in a psychological dependence.

They did not have the opportunity to mature and become independent, which resulted in the development of a psychological dependence on their parents or authority figures. Despite reaching adulthood, they remained unable to make decisions autonomously. They exhibited a lack of self-confidence and an inability to assume responsibility, which contributed to the formation of a dependent personality.

4. The influence of the original family

During one's formative years, parental neglect due to work obligations can instill feelings of insecurity. While grandparents may have compensated for this absence, the nurturing of one's personality may have been inadequate.

Those with a dependent personality type may still harbor the hope that someone else can make decisions for them, which can lead to feelings of depression when this is no longer possible.

This is the impact of the parenting style of one's original family on one's current life.

3. Recommendations for Action

1. Accept reality.

It is important to accept the reality of the situation.

The reality of your grandfather's death has become apparent, yet you experience distress and a lack of motivation. You are reluctant to acknowledge this reality. You harbor a profound sense of guilt, which impedes your ability to relinquish the associated burden.

The only means of relinquishing the burden of guilt is to accept the reality of the situation.

One must bid farewell to one's grandfather.

It is not necessary to forget one's grandfather upon his passing. The primary objective is to articulate one's sentiments and express a formal farewell, to relieve oneself of the emotional burden, and to achieve a state of emotional liberation.

The use of an empty chair as a metaphor for the absence of a loved one is a common practice in grief therapy.

One may choose to replace one's grandfather with an empty chair and engage in a dialogue with this substitute figure, articulating expectations, feelings, and thoughts, whether orally or in written form. Following this, one may wish to imagine what one's grandfather might say to one and consider the aspirations he might have for one's future.

This provides an outlet for discussing the matter, relieving the emotional burden, and establishing a context for grief. This can be considered a form of farewell.

It is recommended that you seek professional counseling.

Discussing one's emotional distress with a trained professional and seeking their guidance in the form of analysis and psychological counseling can facilitate the rapid adjustment of one's emotional state, enabling a swift return to academic and professional pursuits.

Secondly, it is recommended to engage in self-improvement activities.

The reason for the difficulty in moving out of a state of sadness is that there is a lack of confidence in one's own abilities. As a result, it is necessary to gain a deeper understanding of oneself and to rebuild self-confidence.

It is essential to gain an accurate understanding of oneself.

It is essential to gain an understanding of oneself, encompassing one's identity, emotional experiences, preferences, interests, dislikes, personality traits, strengths, weaknesses, abilities, and limitations.

Expectations

It is important to be aware of one's expectations and to strive to meet them within one's capabilities. For instance, at this time, one might expect someone to understand them, provide guidance, and offer encouragement as they embark on a new journey.

One may choose to confide in a close friend regarding the specific issues that require assistance. In some instances, the mere act of seeking counsel from a trusted individual may suffice, even without a definitive resolution.

It is important to strive for self-improvement.

It is important to gain an understanding of oneself and to be aware of one's strengths and weaknesses. It is beneficial to invest additional mental energy in one's areas of strength and to work towards achieving one or two specific goals. It is also helpful to recognize one's abilities and to make efforts to enhance one's self-perception.

Furthermore, it is important to enhance a sense of accomplishment and to build self-confidence. Concurrently, it is essential to learn from shortcomings and to improve one's situation.

It is recommended that you enhance your self-awareness and be willing to take on new challenges.

Thirdly, it is recommended that one cease to exhibit the characteristics of a dependent personality type.

An individual's character can undergo transformation. For instance, a personality that is characterized by dependency is inherently suboptimal. However, such an individual can continue to evolve and enhance their character throughout the growth process.

It is essential to cultivate self-confidence.

As a result of the process of self-discovery and self-trust, individuals gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their identity, as well as enhanced capabilities. They are then able to pursue their desired activities with greater confidence, making decisions independently and taking action to achieve their goals.

Individuals who aspire to alter their dependent personality

Once an individual has a clear understanding of their abilities, limitations, and preferences, as well as the accomplishments they have achieved, they will experience a sense of accomplishment, self-confidence, and security. Additionally, they will gain insight into their suitability for various roles and pursuits.

Furthermore, this process of introspection and self-discovery can facilitate the development of a secure and stable personality.

It is not possible to alter one's original family; the only means of doing so is through one's own actions. In order to extricate oneself from the current situation, it is necessary to seek external assistance. However, it is of greater importance to develop one's own capabilities.

Secondly, the individual in question must comprehend that the sole means of creating a superior future is through personal transformation and the cultivation of strength.

Ultimately, it is my hope that you will soon emerge from your current situation and embark on a new life of your own.