What if you are suffering from gains and losses in a relationship and your sense of compatibility is low?

If you feel insecure and unworthy in a relationship, it might be because you feel insecure or have low self-esteem. Here are some tips to help you improve the situation:

1. Take time to understand your needs, desires, and fears. Recognizing your insecurities is the first step towards change.

2. Build self-confidence. Do things that make you feel good about yourself every day.

3. Setting boundaries: Learning to say "no" in a relationship. This means expressing your opinions, needs, and feelings, while respecting the other person's boundaries.

4. Independence: Pursue your own interests, hobbies, and career so you're not overly dependent on your partner.

5. Communication: Talk openly with your partner. A healthy relationship is based on mutual understanding and respect.

6. If you need help, see a counselor or psychologist.

7. Self-care: Take care of your body and mind. This includes exercise, a healthy diet, and enough rest.

8. Love yourself. Do things you enjoy, like keeping a journal, taking baths, or doing yoga.

9. Stay in touch with friends and family for comfort and encouragement.

10. If a relationship is unhealthy or you're unhappy, consider ending it. Sometimes, ending a relationship is the best choice.

Love yourself. Learn to improve and accept yourself. This will help you have a better sense of self-worth and find a better balance in romantic relationships.

Hello, question asker. I see you're confused. Hugs!

Your lack of love may be related to your family.

Do you remember your mother when you were a baby?

Your mother may not have responded to you quickly enough when you cried.

You feel less secure.

That's why you hope your partner will make you feel secure.

You can think about it too. You are not the same person you were as a child.

I'm taller, stronger, and my heart is stronger too.

I can give myself a sense of security.

You should see a counselor to work on your attachment patterns.

It will affect your current and future relationships.

Learn to love yourself.

Eat well, sleep well, exercise well. Do more of the things you like.

You'll have friends and work too.

I hope you can solve your problem soon.

Now I just think of the above.

I hope my answer helps and inspires you. I'm the answerer, and I study hard every day.

Yixinli loves you!

!

Good day. I am pleased to have this opportunity to respond to your inquiries. I hope that you will find my suggestions helpful.

From your description, I can ascertain that you are a highly considerate individual, able to discern the emotions of those around you and also consider the emotions of the other person. You will even occasionally make personal sacrifices to satisfy those around you. In fact, for such a kind nature, this is not an adverse quality. The potential issue is that it may result in a loss of your own opinions or feelings.

If this state is reached too far, it will also result in pressure being placed on those around you. Just as we are aware of ourselves, perhaps our partner has also been considerate enough for us, but he has also reached his own critical value and has to let go.

It is beneficial to possess self-awareness. It is now necessary to learn how to love oneself and establish a sense of security. This will enable us to believe in ourselves, even if we reject the other person or express dissatisfaction. In such instances, we will not lose the love that the other person gives us.

I would suggest seeking the assistance of a psychologist to address and enhance our cognitive abilities. In this context, I am particularly interested in the term "improve." While we are not severely lacking in this regard, we may have biases that are not immediately apparent, and we may not be aware of the best ways to express them.

With the assistance of a qualified professional, individuals can enhance their self-reflection and gain deeper insight into their own personalities and thought processes.

In this process, our focus on intimate relationships allows us to gain insight into gender knowledge. The differences between men and women are significant, as are the differences in thinking habits. By considering and organizing this aspect, we can address it proactively, enhancing the potential for more harmonious future intimate relationships.

We hope that through self-reflection or with the assistance of a professional, you will become more self-aware, improve, and become the person you want to be.

I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to the world and to you, my dear colleagues, for your continued support.

You tend to worry about what others think in intimate relationships and are often submissive to your partner. You're afraid that they'll leave you if you don't please them, so you always accommodate them. However, this kind of giving makes the other person feel pressured. You're very afraid of being abandoned and feel insecure and at a loss. You're a bit confused about how to change the current situation. Through your description, you've also thought and realized about yourself and understand where the problem lies, which is worth affirming.

As you said, the most urgent task is to love yourself. This is a lesson that needs to be learned throughout your life. First, accept your imperfections. Allow yourself to accept yourself, like yourself, and you will see that you are worthy. Acceptance is the beginning of getting better.

The second step is to focus on self-growth and accept that not everything is within your control. While looking out for your own needs, consider the needs of others and set clear boundaries for giving.

If you're lacking love, start nourishing yourself now. Be your own parent, raise yourself again, and love yourself again. You'll have more love to give to others when you have enough love for yourself. Don't just blindly please and accommodate others. If you give and don't get anything in return, you'll just end up with grievances and internal conflicts.

The flowers attract bees because of their gorgeous bloom, and the grass makes the horses stop because it is lush and green. It's time to let go of the pain of the past, focus on the present, and take the first step towards becoming a better version of yourself!

I hope you'll be able to live your own wonderful life soon, without worrying about what other people think!

I'm Chen Yu, a psychological counselor, and I'll be there with you to help you find your way.

Hello, questioner.

Given that you've identified your own confusion in intimate relationships and have taken the initiative to address it, you've already made a great start. I admire your courage and awareness.

You want to know how to change instantly and love yourself more. I can feel your impatience, but I have to tell you that change may be a long process that needs to be achieved little by little, just as it was formed. But it's okay, as long as you start, you can always get there.

I'd like to share some tips on how to love yourself more, and I hope they'll inspire you.

First, let's set ourselves a goal. For example, we could define what it means to love yourself and make that your goal.

Next, break down this goal into smaller tasks and write them down.

Finally, stick with it and complete these tasks every day. For each task you complete, give yourself a little ritual and treat yourself. It's okay if you don't complete it. Accepting your own vulnerability is a form of self-care, so just start again.

Regarding your question about entering a relationship with the expectation that the other person will accept you unconditionally and that you will be submissive, suppressing your own thoughts and conforming to the other person's likes and dislikes, it seems to run counter to your expectations.

From what I understand, unconditional tolerance means you can be more "willful" or "selfish" in a relationship, and the other person won't leave you because of it. If this is what you meant by unconditional tolerance, let's try to summarize from the perspective of a third party what your ex-partner's tolerance of you specifically was, and what parts of you, in your opinion, would be intolerable to your ex-partner.

You mentioned that you always lacked love. I don't know what you experienced during your growth, but it might have been a longing for something that was never answered, or something else. Fortunately, we've become adults, and we have the chance to nourish ourselves and take care of ourselves. We can try to grow ourselves, for example by reading and learning; we can also try to explore by finding a suitable listener or counselor. In a professional relationship, you can get professional support and companionship.

I hope this helps. Best regards!

Hello, I hope my answer is helpful to you in some way.

You've got this. You know you need to love yourself, focus on yourself, and fill yourself with love to feel more secure in relationships.

My advice to you is this:

It's okay to lack love. The important thing is to learn how to love yourself.

It's true that many people lack love during their growth process. But the good news is that many people have gained the ability to love themselves through learning and growing. So, loving yourself is something you can learn. As long as you keep practicing, you will definitely become a person who loves yourself.

The first thing a person who loves themselves needs to learn is to accept themselves unconditionally. You expect him to accept you unconditionally, but he may not be able to do so because he's also an ordinary person with his own needs and limitations. So, seeking outside is always unstable, and it's difficult to find someone who can always give us unconditional acceptance and understanding.

However, we can learn to accept ourselves unconditionally, just like the sun shining on the earth. When we accept ourselves, we allow ourselves to exist in our most authentic state and still accept ourselves. When you can truly accept yourself unconditionally, you will find that you have the strength, and your inner being will become harmonious. At that time, you will not be so eager for acceptance and tolerance from others because your needs have been met.

For more info on this topic, check out my article, "How Can People Who Lack Love Heal Themselves?"

2. In a relationship, you can try to be open about your feelings and needs, communicate clearly, and believe that you deserve love.

If we always present an untrue version of ourselves in a relationship, the other person won't be able to see what we really need. If we always suppress our own needs and take care of the other person's needs, we'll feel a sense of collapse over time, which isn't good for the relationship. A truly long-lasting and happy relationship is one where the two people can be themselves, express their needs and feelings authentically, and give each other what they really need. Both people are equal in the relationship, not one party submitting to the other. They can support each other, help each other, and work together to create beauty and happiness, rather than always consuming and struggling.

You've got to believe that the real you is also valuable and worthy of love.

I suggest you read Nonviolent Communication, It Turns Out That Understanding Is More Important Than Love, and Managing Intimate Relationships.

3. Focus on self-growth and enhance your inner strength. Your inner sense of security is the foundation for security in all relationships.

A person's sense of security doesn't come from the outside, it comes from within. When a person feels secure within, they'll also feel secure and at ease in relationships.

So, we need to focus on personal growth, build up our inner strength, learn to care for ourselves, and help ourselves to feel more secure.

In addition to the unconditional acceptance of oneself just mentioned, to establish an inner sense of security, we also need to learn to care for ourselves. We can do this on three levels: treating ourselves kindly, being more human, and observing the present moment to help improve our ability to care for ourselves. This also requires a lot of practice. You can refer to the book The Power of Self-Care for details.

You can find more details on this in the above references. Best wishes!

Hello. Let's be honest. Every time you enter a relationship, you want the other person to devote themselves to you. You want to feel secure. You want to be affirmed. You always pin your feelings on other people. You become anxious at the slightest sign of trouble. Despite your efforts, you can't manage your relationships well.

You know you lack love and feel insecure. You think you can hide yourself and try hard to please others to get their love and affirmation, but that won't prove you're worthy of love.

If you try to please others by ignoring your own feelings, you will only tire yourself out more and more. When you fail to achieve your goal, you will feel even more miserable.

If you are always thinking about other people's feelings and taking into account their emotions, you will not be able to love yourself. You will not know how to love others either, because loving yourself is the premise of all relationships. You can only love others if you learn to love yourself.

You must connect with yourself deeply to learn to love yourself. Know who you are, know what you want, and always put yourself first.

You must allow yourself to become what you want to be. Many of us live for other people. As children, we are expected to be good students by our teachers. As adults, we are expected to be good wives and husbands by others. Our identity is dependent on the external evaluation system. We must think about what we want for ourselves.

You must never demand that you live by certain rules to truly love yourself. Instead, allow yourself to become what you want to be.

You must pay attention to your own feelings. If you pay too much attention to other people's feelings and neglect your own, you are giving others the power to hurt you. They will take your efforts for granted and demand more from you. Never ignore your own feelings to please anyone or anything. As long as it makes you uncomfortable, you have the right to say no.

Paying attention to your feelings will increase your sense of self and allow you to live for yourself.

You must accept yourself, with all your strengths and weaknesses. If you suffer from self-doubt, it is often because you cannot accept your imperfections. You fear that others will not like you, so you suppress your true needs. You end up catering to others and losing yourself.

Don't focus on your shortcomings. Be honest about them. Accept yourself for everything. You're not perfect, but you're good enough.

When you accept yourself for who you are, you don't care what others think. You have a stable core to focus on yourself and complete a real connection with yourself.

I am confident that the above will be of help to you!

Hello, I'm Jane! I totally get where you're coming from after reading your question.

It's so important to remember that when you want your partner to be unconditionally tolerant of you, you're also choosing to unconditionally please and accommodate them in everything you do.

I know there's a logic to it, which is that I've been so tolerant of you. How can you treat me badly when I've given you so much grace?

This is also the basic logic of the psychology of the pleaser. I'd love for you to think about how you feel in such a relationship.

I think it's so important to be kind and understanding towards others, but I also believe that being too tolerant and sensitive can sometimes feel a bit uncomfortable.

I truly believe that a good intimate relationship is nourishing. In this kind of relationship, you can really feel the energy. When you feel drained in a relationship, it's a sign that there's a problem.

So, how can you create a happy, healthy relationship with someone close to you?

First, it's really important to think about what kind of relationship you have with yourself. You mentioned that you feel like you lack love, that you can't love others, and even less so yourself. This is the problem, but you can fix it!

It's so important to learn to love yourself. When you feel like you lack love, it's even more important to love yourself. So what does it mean to love yourself?

I think it means having confidence in yourself, so that even when you're alone, you can still feel full of energy. You can still feel like going shopping or seeing the sights when you're alone.

You can absolutely live a vibrant life! I think this is the state of life of a confident person!

It seems like you're basing your sense of security on the other person's acceptance and love for you, which I think is a bit unstable. I'm sure you can feel it yourself. Putting your emotions in the hands of another person can make you worry and feel anxious all the time.

So, what's the problem?

This is where you need to have a chat with your partner. Do you love them, or are you just afraid of losing them?

It's so important to remember that when your relationship with your partner changes from love to fear, it can really start to feel like a drain.

Trust is so important in an intimate relationship! Trust yourself to not rely on the other person, and trust that you have no qualms about the other person. So what if the other person still chooses to leave me?

When you feel like you're doing a good job, it's okay to let the other person make their own decisions. It's not your job to change them — that's what relationships are all about!

When you are good enough, you will attract good people to love you!

It's so important to learn to nourish yourself in an intimate relationship. That way, you can become a more complete person, seeing each other and yourself at the same time. Your own feelings are the most important thing. If you feel uncomfortable, you should speak up. You must have your own bottom line, and you cannot keep compromising. If you keep compromising, you will not be able to gain the love of the other person, and your confidence will be gradually undermined.

And finally, I really hope you love yourself and believe that you deserve to be loved.

Come on, my friend!

First and foremost, it is a significant achievement to recognize your capacity to identify challenges and pursue change. To foster self-love, consider the following strategies:

1. Self-acceptance: Accept your imperfections, including past actions in relationships. Understand that everyone is constantly growing and that you have the right to make mistakes and learn from them.

2. Prioritize your own needs. Focus on your physical and mental health, your interests, and your personal development. Set goals and work towards them.

3. Build self-confidence: Develop self-confidence gradually by taking on new challenges, acquiring new skills, or engaging in activities you enjoy. Understand that your value is not contingent on the approval of others.

4. Personal Care: It is important to learn to take care of your body and emotions. This includes maintaining good habits such as eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, and exercising moderately.

Additionally, it is important to set aside time for personal relaxation and enjoyment.

5. Develop Independence: Take steps to become more independent, both financially and emotionally. There are many ways to achieve this, including developing your own business or pursuing personal goals.

6. Set boundaries: Learn to set healthy boundaries in relationships and respect your own needs and feelings. Be assertive in protecting your time and energy.

7. Develop your interpersonal skills. Read books on emotional health and relationships, or consider taking a course or workshop on how to build healthy relationships.

Embarking on a journey of self-love requires time and effort. However, with perseverance, you will gradually learn to love yourself more. It is important to note that loving yourself does not mean neglecting the feelings of others. Instead, it entails paying more attention to your own happiness and growth while balancing your own needs with those of others. Should you require additional support and guidance, professional psychological counseling may be a valuable resource.