What is it like to be a 28-year-old man who is considered a burden by his parents?

Hello, I am here to bring peace.

From what I can gather from your description, it seems that you are feeling somewhat perplexed, distressed, and even frustrated as a result of a shift in your parents' demeanor towards you. Is that an accurate interpretation?

The text mentions a change in your parents' attitude towards you, which has only occurred recently. Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether they always treated you this way.

From what I can gather from your description, it seems that your parents are perhaps less willing or impatient to listen to your complaints and grievances. It also seems that their response to you is often more of a rebuke.

I wonder if you could tell me how they reacted in the past when this happened?

If their attitude has recently changed, have you ever considered what might have caused it?

Could it be that your behavior at home may have contributed to the change in your parents' attitude?

It can be challenging to accept when someone introduces you to a girlfriend and you agree to meet without being consulted. After all, you are the person involved.

I am curious as to why my parents made such a direct and perhaps abrupt decision.

It seems fair to assume that your parents love you, is that not right?

There are many ways to express love. Perhaps in their minds, this is the best way for them to show their love for you. However, they may have overlooked the fact that you are an independent individual with your own feelings and preferences.

I believe it is safe to say that you love your parents.

I believe that with a loving connection, problems can definitely be solved.

Perhaps you might consider taking the initiative to find your parents with a grateful heart, sit down, and have a calm chat?

You might consider expressing your thoughts and feelings to your parents in a frank and open manner, seeking their understanding and support.

If it is not too much trouble, could I kindly ask you to ask your parents to express their true feelings, thoughts, and emotions, and to try to understand and accept them?

It is often the case that the most effective way to solve problems is through sincere and calm communication without reservation.

By coming to the platform for help, you have already demonstrated your determination and courage in seeking to resolve the issue.

You have already taken an important first step. Would you be willing to take another step and communicate with your parents proactively?

I believe you must be willing, as you are a family that loves each other.

I hope you will accept my sincerest wishes for your success.

Hello, question asker!

At 28, you are already an adult with your own will and the right to choose the life you want to lead!

For example, you are the locomotive, and what is carried behind the locomotive is determined by the locomotive.

I'd love to know what you're complaining about!

I'm excited to hear more about what happened to cause your complaints!

From your parents' perspective, you say that recently they have changed their attitude towards you, which means that before they were willing to listen to your complaints?

I don't know how often you complain and whine, but I know you're capable of so much more than that! You can't let other people's complaints affect you. You're the protagonist of your own life, and you have the power to make the decisions that will lead you to the life you want to live.

And another thing! When someone tells you about their girlfriend and you don't know what she looks like, your parents agree to it without listening to your opinion. Do you feel disrespected by your parents?

I totally get it! You're the star of your own show, whether you're dating or getting married.

But now your parents are taking the reins and handling this matter themselves. Is this related to your past experiences with arranged marriages? Did you have the chance to share your thoughts during those experiences?

Many people initially study psychology in order to explore themselves and integrate their inner selves. If you keep complaining, then I highly recommend you learn a little about psychology and start looking inward. The "Three-Minute Psychology" audio lessons on the Yi Xinli platform are excellent and free!

It's so obvious that complaining is a total waste of time! It just attracts more things to complain about.

So, let's keep ourselves in a high-energy state! That means no more complaining.

I highly recommend you read a book called "A World Without Complaining." It's time for you to take responsibility for yourself at 28!

I wish you nothing but the best! My name is Chen Jia, and I love you!

My dear boy,

I'm sorry to hear you feel this way. I hope that after sharing and communicating, you can find a way out of this gloomy state of mind and find happiness again.

It is possible that judgments with strong emotional overtones may not fully align with the truth. Scientists often suggest that our actions may be influenced by our emotional filters, making it challenging for us to observe reality without some degree of bias. This phenomenon is particularly evident in social sciences. The common saying, "Everyone has their own opinion, and their position determines their conclusion," reflects this idea.

As the original poster mentioned, it can be challenging to find the time and patience to listen to your parents when you're preoccupied with other things. It's natural to feel like they don't care about you, especially when it comes to your love life. It can feel like you're burdening them with your concerns. I'm curious, though, about the specifics of these conversations. Are the topics you want to discuss with your parents ones that have been brought up many times before? Do your parents have a tendency to recite what you've said back to you, and do they often respond with complaints or indignation? Have they ever offered feasible solutions for improvement or suggested ways to move forward?

In the name of love, you do your best, but in the eyes of the other person, you may be perceived as putting the cart before the horse and lacking clarity on your actions. This can be a challenging aspect of real-life family relationships.

It's not that the two sides don't love each other, but that the communication channels between them have become misaligned or disconnected, which is the result of poor communication.

In addition to the natural age gap between parents and children, there is a greater sense of distance in communication. This is particularly the case for parents born in the 70s and 80s, who were previously busy making a living. As a result, their communication with their children was completely instinctive, without rules or routines. This can make it challenging for them to navigate the emotional needs of their children born in the 90s and 00s.

It seems that the generation gap in thinking and the lack of topics to talk about have led to more and more misunderstandings between the two sides. This could perhaps be seen as an emotional reef in communication, which can sometimes run aground without a way out.

Furthermore, there is no need for the host to belittle herself. You are already 28 years old, and you already have the ability to define your own value, rather than being defined by others, even your own parents. Striving for complete financial independence is the foundation of your own voice, and being able to live in harmony but not be the same as your parents is a good time for you to cultivate and improve yourself.

It might be helpful to remember that since you were born, you have been on a journey of self-discovery and growth. Just as your parents were adults at 28, you are now a young adult, ready to embrace the responsibilities and opportunities that come with adulthood.

Who are you? You have the power to define the answer to this question for yourself. You may even choose not to define it at all. May you find a satisfactory answer.

The questioner said, "It's a good thing we met!"

"Lately, I've noticed a shift in my parents' approach to me." You can still sense the change in your parents' attitude, and you still care about what they think of you. "They don't want to hear any complaints or grievances, and if I bring them up, they say it's my fault and that I shouldn't think that way." Deep down, you still hope for your parents' understanding and hope that they will listen to you and not just reject you or even make wild guesses.

"I still don't know what my girlfriend looks like, even though other people have told me about her. The matchmaker told them to meet directly and they agreed without any hesitation, regardless of my thoughts. Do you think parents should discuss it with you first and then decide whether to meet based on your opinion?"

So you feel like they see you as a burden? It seems like you think they want to push you out on your own as soon as possible and not bother with you anymore. Is that right?

I don't know what your current situation is like, but there may be reasons and justifications for what your parents are doing. They may have been influenced by the external environment and think, "At the age of 28, it's time to consider independence and marriage." You can have a good chat with your parents about your thoughts and plans. After all, your parents can't live your life for you.

At this age, you should be independent, have your own opinions and plans, have a clear sense of direction, learn to take responsibility for your life, learn to manage your emotions, etc. Some of the things your parents do are inappropriate, but understanding them is letting yourself off the hook.

No matter what they do, they don't mean to harm you. You just need to communicate and adjust with them in terms of behavior.

I wish you the best of luck!

Everyone has the potential to be a beacon of light. Whether you ask a question or answer one, your words can illuminate the hearts of many people, and this is a power that we all share.

Hello, I am Xin Tan, and I'm here to support you as Coach Fei Yun. I understand your frustration. Not being understood or listened to by your parents has made you feel very frustrated. It seems that your inner needs have not been met, your emotions have been suppressed, and you have even developed self-doubt and become a burden to your parents.

Take a moment to give yourself a warm hug. Your parents care about you and love you, and while their love may not align with your expectations, it is still love. Let's take a look at the issue that's troubling you.

It might be helpful to remember that every emotion is driven by an unmet need.

Recently, you have noticed a shift in your parents' approach towards you. You feel that you are not fully understood or listened to, and that they do not fully acknowledge your feelings. You feel that you are not fully accepted or recognized.

Everyone desires to be seen, understood, and accepted, particularly when they are a son or daughter who has reached the age of majority at 28.

Your parents are eager to help you find a partner and settle down, but they may not fully understand that this is a personal choice and that your feelings should be respected.

It seems that your parents may be misinterpreting your confidences as "complaints," which could be causing you to feel hurt and angry. It's important to remember that everyone has the right to choose a partner and to feel respected and understood.

It is important to allow yourself to feel angry, but it is also crucial to understand that there is a deeper need within you to be respected, understood, and accepted by your parents. It is not advisable to act out your anger in ways that might be perceived as disrespectful or hurtful, such as avoiding communication with your parents or making yourself look inferior.

It might be helpful to view anger as a potential gift for personal growth. It can help you develop your ability to "be aware" and better perceive yourself, which could allow you to see more truths and have more choices.

It would be beneficial to communicate effectively with your parents and learn to express yourself directly.

It is important to remember that even though you are already 28 years old and an adult, in your parents' eyes, you are still the child they care about and protect at all times. The value of parents is often reflected in their ability to "do more for us."

It's important to remember that parents are often afraid not of you growing up, but of you growing up and becoming "useless." It can be helpful to look at things from your parents' perspective, understand the good intentions behind their actions, and accept them, because they only behave in that way within the scope of their perception.

It can be helpful to distinguish between a parent's identity and their behavior. This can facilitate smooth emotions and problem-solving through effective communication. When expressing frustration, it may be beneficial to do so directly.

It is important to express your own views and feelings, while also listening to your parents. This allows them to see that you have grown up and are able to make your own decisions and take responsibility for your actions.

It is important to remember that communication should always convey emotions. This allows us to reach a consensus, meet the other person's needs within each other's abilities (where permitted), and work together to find a solution to the problem.

Over time, the patterns that emerge in your interactions with your parents can also be refined together. It's important to recognize that viewing problems as challenges can often lead to further difficulties. Conversely, approaching them as opportunities for growth and communication can be highly beneficial.

It is my hope that I can offer you a new perspective, help you see the greater truth in things, and give you more choices. I also want to say that I love you, and I love the world.

If you would like to continue the conversation, you are welcome to click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hi there!

At 28, you're seen as a burden by your parents. You're probably feeling angry, sad, and frustrated.

A person's true maturity begins with a psychological farewell to the original family. You've already developed a pretty high level of social experience and ability. Given the differences in era and growth environment between you and your parents, it's normal that you can't communicate on many issues.

If you feel this way, complaining to your parents about your grievances won't help. It'll only attract criticism and accusations. You might need to stop complaining to them and learn to deal with your emotions yourself, or establish your own external relationships, such as confiding in your peers.

Psychologist Adler once said that learning to distinguish between yourself and others is very important. It's the foundation of a happy life.

As you grow up, you'll face all kinds of challenges and confusion. For you right now, falling in love and getting married might be a big part of your life. Your parents might also feel anxious about this issue for us, and it could even affect our relationship with them.

We can't control our parents' thoughts and decisions, but we can respect them. When it comes to our own life issues, we need to communicate with our parents patiently and learn to express ourselves. We should have our own opinions and be able to express our thoughts gently but firmly, without letting family ties and morality hold us back. We should insist on being ourselves, take responsibility for our own future and lives, and control our own happiness.

I hope Hongyu's reply helps you out. Thanks for your question!

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan.

The questioner feels their parents don't love them. Did this happen recently or is it something that's been going on for a while? Did the parents talk to the questioner before this?

The OP needs to think back.

The parents' treatment of the questioner makes the questioner feel unappreciated. This kind of thing done without communication will harm the questioner.

I want to give the OP a hug and strength. I hope the OP can be brave and be herself. Based on the OP's question, I have some advice:

Understand why the parents treated the original poster this way.

Why are the parents treating the questioner this way? What happened?

Is this common in China? How to treat children is taught by parents.

This is how they think parents should treat their children.

It's important to understand your parents' motives. This helps you to calm down and be more composed.

It's not the question asker's fault. When the question asker was a child, his parents left him with his grandparents to raise him. If the question asker understands and clarifies his parents' motives and reasons, he should know that it's not his fault. His parents didn't follow the rules of society, which is why the question asker suffered.

If the questioner feels their parents don't love them, or that they're unworthy of love, this is an act of avoiding intimacy. This pattern was brought to you by your original family. The questioner must believe they are worthy of love, encourage themselves, and tell themselves they are worthy of love.

You can love yourself even if the world doesn't love you.

Talk to your parents.

The questioner can talk to their parents when they're happy. They can tell them how they feel and what they think. Even though they love their parents, they can also say that they want to be respected and understood.

The questioner can talk to them about how they feel about their parents making decisions for them. Find out what their parents are thinking and why.

Often parents want to help their children but are afraid of being rejected, so they make decisions for them. The questioner can communicate with his parents to understand their situation.

Get active.

Dealing with your parents' behavior can make you feel bad. But there's a way to fight back. Get active!

To get rid of negative emotions, go outside and get some fresh air and sunshine. Exercise will speed up your blood circulation and give your brain plenty of oxygen. It will also relieve tension in your nervous system and make you feel happy.

Get professional psychological help.

If you have trouble accepting your parents' behavior and don't know how to communicate with them, you can seek professional psychological support. I suggest you find a counselor or listener on a psychological platform and talk to them about your concerns. They can help you communicate with your parents more effectively.

Be yourself.

Do more of the things you like. Find your life's goals and meaning in the things you like. Accept yourself. Do something to please yourself when you are in a low mood.

Make yourself happy with sweets. They make you and others happy.

Don't let negative emotions take over.

I hope this helps.

Hello question owner!

It's hard to give advice on your relationship with your parents in just 100 words. I hope we can chat and see more possibilities when you feel depressed and suffocated.

[Any expression is a subconscious outpouring]

[Any expression is a subconscious outpouring]

You've written very little, but you've shared a lot of information. You ask everyone, "What is it like to be considered a burden by your parents?"

This sentence may seem like you don't know what it's like to be seen as a burden by your parents. When you ask this, it seems like you're trying to view this issue rationally, without feeling too much.

If so, you may be hurt and want to avoid expressing your emotions. This paragraph is just facts, with no room for emotions.

[Look at why your parents act the way they do.]

You say your parents' attitude has changed, but there's no comparison between the past and the present. Let's discuss the two things that have most affected you after the change. The first is that your parents ignore and deny your feelings, don't listen to your complaints, say you're wrong, and think you should think and do certain things.

Your parents have made important decisions for you without consulting you. You are 28 years old, but they still treat you like a "boy."

Your parents disapprove of you and make decisions for you to keep you dependent on them.

Everyone must face the challenges of independence and dependence.

When you say "burden" and "burden," it shows you're torn about your life. You want to respect your thoughts and feelings, but also hope your parents will support and care for you. Everyone grows up in their original family, and when they reach their twenties, they have to face the challenges of independence and dependence.

This is the start of maturity.

I hope the questioner can find success in their career and love life!

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61.

Thank you for trusting us and telling us about your unhappiness. We are here to help.

You ask, "What is it like to be a 28-year-old man who is considered a burden by his parents?"

Before I answer your question, I'd like to ask you a few questions.

Tell me, what was your parents' original attitude towards you?

Tell me what has happened in your family recently that has made you think this way.

I read the rest of the description and found no answer to these questions.

You're asking with a sense of grievance. You think your parents don't understand you and want to get rid of you as a "burden." I sympathize with how you feel.

I will now answer your question. Why do mom and dad make you feel this way?

1. The differences in thinking between the two generations are clear.

Your questions clearly show there is a big difference in thinking and behavior between you and your parents.

1. Parents' Thoughts

You're 30 and ready to start a family.

You said you are 28 years old, and many children your age have already started a family, gotten married, and had children. I don't know what your situation is. From what you said, your parents see you as a burden. I assume you are still living with your parents and you don't have a girlfriend, let alone a child.

They don't want to hear any complaints or grievances.

You said that one of the recent changes in your parents' attitude towards you is that

They don't want to hear any of my complaints or grievances. Whenever I say something, they say it's my fault and that I shouldn't have thought X.

Did you always complain in front of your parents in the past, and they never objected? Now that you complain more, they start to express their own opinions, and you can't accept this change in your parents.

I hope you find a partner soon.

I still have no idea what my girlfriend looks like. The matchmaker told them to meet directly and they eagerly agreed, without considering my thoughts.

Your parents are too involved in your marriage and agreed to meet with the matchmaker without consulting you. This is disrespectful and makes you feel uncomfortable.

Your parents are eager to get you out of the house.

2. Your thoughts

Staying at home is fine.

In the title, you compare yourself to a "burden" and believe that your parents have always seen you as such and want to get rid of you. In your subconscious, you are 28 years old and staying at home is irrelevant.

The fact that you compare yourself to a "burden" also means that you have never wanted to grow up and leave the protective umbrella of your parents.

and understanding

You complain and whine to your parents, and you know you're just looking for their comfort and understanding. This shows you haven't grown up and are still dependent on your parents like a child. However, your parents accuse and criticize you, saying things like "It's not your fault...".

"You should..." Absolute language teaches you lessons and makes you feel aggrieved and unable to bear it.

You want to make your own decisions about finding a partner and about your own affairs.

From what you said, it's clear that you want to find your own partner and make your own decisions about marriage. When someone else introduces you to someone, you don't even know what they look like. A matchmaker is not the right choice for you.

Your mother and father are eager to agree with you, which makes it seem like the family no longer accepts you. It's also clear that your mother still treats you like a child and makes decisions for you.

2. The essence of the problem

After comparing your ideas with those of your parents, you realize there are several issues that have caused misunderstandings between you.

1. Look at things from your own perspective.

The different perspectives, positions, and views have led to a lot of misunderstandings between you and your parents.

For example, there is a significant distinction between independence and being a burden, as well as between accusations and comfort.

2. Lack of effective communication

Let's be clear: the communication between you and your parents is basically a matter of you directly telling them your unsatisfactory thoughts, and your parents also directly criticize you without considering your feelings. There's a lack of effective communication. The same is true of the problem of marriage. You did not communicate your thoughts on marriage to your parents, and your parents, in their haste, agreed to meet the matchmaker.

3. The child who never grows up

It shows from three aspects that you are a child who will never grow up in your parents' eyes, and they will make all the decisions for you. You also need to seek comfort from your parents, including for emotional problems.

3. Resolve your confusion.

You want to be seen as a "burden." Do this:

1. Master your emotions and solve your own problems.

If you have complaints, it means you have emotions that need to be dealt with.

When you want to complain, you need to recognize that you need to deal with your emotions now. Your parents are right: you should resolve your emotions instead of complaining. Complaining won't solve the problem.

Take control of your emotions and become the master of your own destiny.

You must learn to manage your emotions.

You must recognize your emotions.

When you feel like complaining, you know you're in an emotional state. Find the trigger that caused the emotion, write it down, and see what effect it has on you.

Once you feel like complaining, you know you are in an emotional state. Identify the trigger that caused the emotion, write it down, and observe the effect it has on you.

Understand emotions.

Once you understand the cause of your emotions and know that emotions stem from unmet needs, you can understand emotions and satisfy needs.

Release your emotions.

Express your emotions in any way you choose. Write them down, paint them, sing them, or dance them away. This is how you resolve emotions.

When you can handle your emotions, your parents don't have to worry so much about you. They know you've grown up and that you won't accuse or criticize them.

2. Look at things from a different perspective.

When you talk about yourself to your parents, you can put yourself in their shoes. When you and your parents complain and grumble, your parents will still say in an accusatory tone, "You shouldn't have... You should have..."

At that time, you always turn it into "still." You know what you're thinking: "Mum still cares about me, and from the perspective of a bystander, she is giving me advice.

"I should be grateful for my mother's intentions." The original thought was, "My mother always criticizes and blames me, saying what I'm not."

"

You know your mother's attitude has changed. She's no longer criticizing and blaming you. She's more caring. You don't complain about her attitude anymore.

3. Improve the way you communicate with your parents.

Effective communication is important, whether at home or outside. Take finding a partner as an example. When you communicate with your parents,

Discuss the facts.

I have just heard that you are looking for someone for me and have already agreed to meet. Tell your parents that I have already met someone, but I have not yet told you.

Discuss ideas.

I am going to find a partner on my own so that I can directly observe whether the other person is like me.

We need to talk about feelings.

I know you are thinking of me, but I am surprised by your approach.

Make demands.

I expect you to respect my opinion and let me decide who to see and who not to see. You can check it after you have seen it.

Your parents will know that you have grown up and will change their views after hearing this.

That's all I have to say. If you want to stop being a burden, you have to learn to grow up and become someone who doesn't need their parents to worry about them.

I wish you the best!