What is the deal with liking to wallow in pain and wanting to get out of it but not wanting to?

From how you express your feelings about the conflicting and helpless feelings you experience in pain, I know you're ready to recognize your confusion and gain the strength to help you extricate yourself from the pain.

Most people panic when they're in pain and want to escape. They ignore the pain's message.

I applaud you for helping yourself in the midst of your pain and for feeling it without panicking.

You can examine yourself and deliberately become aware of your ambivalent state!

You are a rare being, able to recognize yourself.

I want to know what caused my pain. I want to know if any of my expectations or assumptions were not met.

I am suffering because there is a gap between my expectations and reality.

I must ask myself why I don't accept this phenomenon.

This problem is a life problem. It's a life-and-death problem.

Life-related? Forget about it. No matter how big life-related problems are, they pale in comparison to life and death!

I am going to tell you the truth.

Experiences refine the heart! All the experiences, people, and things in life are here to refine our hearts and help us grow.

I have learned that pain is not to be wasted.

When we are confused, pain is like a fog, and we are lost. As we think, we see our thoughts and expectations for what they are.

The clearer you become about your heart's desires, the stronger your rational thinking ability grows. This, in turn, gives you the power to dispel suffering. And this process is accompanied by the joy of sudden enlightenment!

Life is a practice. Wisdom is the accumulation of reasonable thinking. Suffering is the morning star of the wise! Thank you for sharing your question, which has sparked my thinking.

Good day, question asker.

From your correspondence, I can discern the internal conflict and struggle you face regarding your tendency to wallow in pain. I suspect that you may be experiencing significant challenges in this area. You have expressed a desire to gain insight into your situation, to understand the underlying causes of your pain, and to take action to improve your well-being.

Given the limitations of my understanding of your situation, I can only make a tentative suggestion. Should you wish to pursue this matter further, I would recommend seeking the advice of a qualified counsellor.

The pattern of coping with pain since elementary school should be very familiar to you. This method was developed based on your past responses and may offer certain benefits. It may motivate you to take action and facilitate growth; it may enhance your sense of well-being; it may also have other, as yet unknown effects. The specific answer requires further exploration.

Perhaps wallowing in your pain can make you feel less pain by allowing you to avoid facing and dealing with the stark reality. Dependence on pain makes it a part of your life; it's not so easy to let go of it.

It is an indisputable fact that change is another form of pain. At the very least, the current pain is familiar to you and you even find it somewhat enjoyable. If the accumulation of pain does not result in other effects, it is likely that you would prefer to maintain it.

Please describe what it means to you to wallow in pain.

Please do not feel obliged to answer this question immediately. The answer may evolve as you mature. For the time being, it would be beneficial for you to learn how to "apply the brakes" first. This will help you to accumulate less pain and to minimise the impact of this state on your normal life.

How might one "apply the brakes"? I offer a few tips you can try.

1. Select an object in your immediate vicinity and provide a detailed description of it, including its shape, color, and texture.

2. Provide a comprehensive observation of your surroundings, including a detailed description of the visual aspects, auditory stimuli, and ambient temperature.

If you have a pet, please spend time with it and interact with it.

Best regards,

Hello, question asker! I am an old skinny donkey, and I'm ready to help you!

I'm excited to share my experience with you! I also went through a stage like yours, but I'm happy to say that I got through it.

In 2018, I became pregnant without being married. I was excited to start a family, and I didn't want to be alone, so I got married quickly. At the end of the same year, I gave birth to a child. From the month of confinement to the child's third birthday, there were some challenges, but we worked through them together. The environment was a bit depressing at times, but we found ways to make it more positive. At one point, we even shared the kitchen and balcony!

I shared my thoughts on my unhappy marriage with everyone, and I was amazed at how unreasonable he and his parents were being! Others advised me to get a divorce, but I felt like I had no choice and didn't have the courage to do it. Others advised me to compromise, but I felt like it went against my nature and I felt resentful about having to please others.

It was a huge relief when I finally separated from him and his parents. Coupled with the three-year pandemic, people have become more tolerant, and I'm excited to move on from his parents.

Based on my own experience, I'm thrilled to share my personal opinion:

If you're ready to get out of that pain, it means you're aware of it and ready to make a change. You're taking steps to move on from it, and that's a great sign!

It's time to break free from the pain and embrace a new, empowered mindset! When you're stuck in a victim mentality, it's easy to feel like you're the most miserable, pitiful, and helpless person in the world. But here's the truth: you are not your pain. You have the power to choose how you react to it. Let's be honest, no one can truly feel your pain but you. And while it's natural to feel anger or sympathy when you're hurting, hearing it over and over can make you feel numb, tired, and impatient. So, take back your power!

I think that first you may need to learn to reconcile with yourself and be more tolerant of yourself. After that, get ready for a change! Your pain index will decrease, your attitude will become more positive, and you will be more willing to look at the positive things.

Second, you may have to try to be more tolerant of your environment. Determine your own bottom line that you will not cross, and be firm in your attitude below it. Above it, try to be more tolerant. If you don't care about many things, they won't hurt you. This is a great opportunity to focus on what's important to you!

I really hope this helps! Best regards!

Good day, questioner.

From your description, I can discern the internal conflict you are experiencing. Concurrently, you have high expectations and hope to make yourself feel a little more comfortable. When you became aware of this and came here to ask a question, you were already on the path to change.

You have indicated that when you feel uncomfortable inside, an exciting force emerges. Please describe when you first felt this way and what occurred.

Please describe the method you used to overcome this discomfort.

Please describe the source of your strength and the factors that enable you to persevere in the face of adversity.

There are no fixed answers in life, and there is no prescribed set of emotions that one must experience. When you have this awareness and feel like indulging in this uncomfortable feeling, what kind of feelings are you experiencing inside?

From your description, I understand that you have an internal conflict regarding your feelings about being uncomfortable, your perception of yourself as different from others, and your desire to eliminate this discomfort. Is this an accurate assessment?

If a miracle were to occur and this uncomfortable feeling were to disappear, how would your life change? What steps would you take to make the miracle happen?

Who will be the first to recognize the change?

Without knowing the specifics of your situation, I would like to offer some general suggestions based on your feelings as described, with the hope of providing some assistance.

First, adjust your mindset.

In order to effectively navigate life's challenges, it is essential to cultivate an open and positive mindset. A constructive outlook serves as the foundation for resilience and growth. To achieve this, it is beneficial to utilize techniques such as positive psychological suggestions, meditation, and other methods that promote calm and facilitate mindset adjustment.

Secondly, it is important to allow and accept yourself.

It is important to recognize that each individual is unique and deserves to be treated accordingly. We must accept that everyone experiences emotions differently and that this is a natural aspect of human psychology. By embracing our differences and acknowledging the existence of negative emotions, we can achieve inner peace, self-acceptance, and emotional well-being.

Finally, have faith in the power of accumulation.

I empathize with your situation. You desire to overcome this challenging feeling, yet you're unsure of how to do so. This lack of clarity can lead to internal conflict. I've experienced similar challenges. I encourage you to persevere. Believe in the power of consistent effort. Make incremental progress daily. With dedication, we can achieve significant growth.

It is also recommended to seek assistance from external resources.

It is not uncommon in life to experience emotions that are not expressed. At this juncture, it is advisable to seek assistance from external resources, such as professional psychological counselors. These professionals employ specialized techniques to facilitate an understanding of the underlying causes of subconscious emotions, provide a secure and inclusive environment, and offer guidance to facilitate personal growth.

It is also possible to pursue a degree in psychology. Many individuals choose to study psychology when they are facing challenges, immersing themselves in the field to facilitate personal growth and healing.

In closing, I would like to reiterate that from the outset, I could discern your determination to overcome these limitations and identify a solution that aligns with your needs. This is a commendable approach, and with continued effort, you will undoubtedly achieve remarkable outcomes.

Hello, Thank you for your question.

From your description, it seems that you really enjoy the feeling of being dependent on pain. It's understandable that you might have a sense of addiction to this kind of pain.

It is worth noting that there is a certain appeal to pain. Pain releases a certain amount of dopamine in our psyche, which can make us reluctant to come out of it. This is similar to the emotions we experience after a breakup or a failed love affair. Pain can bring us a sense of security, happiness, and well-being, which can make us reluctant to come out of it.

If I might humbly offer my personal opinion, I believe that:

[1] It may be the case that if the feeling of pain does not bring oneself pain, but a kind of happiness, one does not want to leave such a state.

It may be the case that, just as you feel pain like an addiction, it also produces a state in which we cannot extricate ourselves and do not want to leave. This could be because there is a kind of defensive protection for us, which we ourselves cannot perceive or see.

[2] Could this be a safe state for yourself?

It could be said that we are reluctant to leave our current situation, and it may be that this situation has already exerted a certain attraction on us. Similarly, the emotions and feelings you are currently experiencing may be a source of comfort and protection.

[3] It is also possible that the love of pain may be a fear that happiness will make us lose ourselves.

It is possible that we have a kind of happiness in our hearts that makes it difficult for us to see the harm in our actions and to recognize our true feelings. This could result in us losing ourselves, and we may choose to bear the pain as a result.

[4] It might be helpful to be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

In a situation where we are surrounded by pain, it would be beneficial to take a moment to understand our own feelings, emotions, and thoughts, as well as our needs in that moment.

It might be helpful to consider the feelings in your body as a way of finding answers.

I hope the above advice is helpful to you.

Hello, I send you a hug from the bottom of my heart.

From what I can gather from your short text, it seems that you have a love-hate relationship with your pain.

If I understood correctly, you noticed this habit again on December 22. Could you please tell me when you first noticed this habit? Was it in elementary school? And what made you notice this habit on December 22?

Over the years, there may have been instances when you have indulged in pain without realizing it.

It would be beneficial to understand what causes this thought to arise. As awareness is a key factor in initiating change, becoming aware of your own patterns of behaviour is an important step in effecting change.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why you noticed again on December 22nd. What might have triggered this observation?

If you don't notice it, you may find yourself continuing the behavior, which could potentially lead to a deeper immersion in the pain. However, when you become aware of it, you may begin to shift your attention away from it, avoid it, and eventually reduce its impact.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what motivates you to observe your own habits.

Let's consider some reasons why we might indulge in pain. One possibility is that we may find some benefit from the experience, even if it causes discomfort. For instance, some individuals seem to enjoy the sensation of pain to the point of self-harm. This can be understood in part by recognizing that the brain releases dopamine in response to pain, which can create a sense of pleasure and relaxation.

Another reason may be that hurting oneself is a way of exerting control over others and avoiding responsibility. For example, if I am in this state, it may be challenging for others to expect me to work or meet their demands.

In summary, it is worth noting that even weaknesses can sometimes be a very powerful weapon.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what you gain from indulging in pain, or what you avoid. You may wish to reflect on this.

Finally, I'd like to suggest a few possible steps you could take. Given the nature of this Q&A format, I can only offer theoretical suggestions, which you can then try out for yourself.

It might still be helpful for you to talk to a counselor.

In the book The Power of Habit, the author suggests a golden rule for habits. In some cases, we may find ourselves triggered, which could prompt the start of an addictive behavior, also known as a habitual behavior. This addictive behavior may bring a reward from the brain, in the form of dopamine secretion.

If I might suggest, in your case, it seems that the experience of pain is triggered in a certain situation, prompting you to do something that causes you pain. This event brings a reward to your brain, which is the secretion of dopamine.

If I might suggest, to change this habit loop, it would be helpful to first identify the trigger characteristic, that is, the situation in which the pain-indulging behavior occurs.

Secondly, it might be helpful to consider what reward you get from this habitual behaviour. For example, what do you get from the pain?

Thirdly, it may be helpful to consider alternative ways of achieving the same result. For instance, you could try going for a walk or doing some exercise.

For instance, when an individual decides to quit smoking, they may opt for smoking cessation gum or electronic cigarettes. These alternatives are considered healthy stimuli that can replace the unhealthy smoking habit, offering a similar level of psychological satisfaction as smoking.

Fourth, consider replacing old habits with new ones. Gradually replacing harmful behaviors with "new harmless behaviors" may help you achieve the same rewards.

You might consider reflecting on your habits and exploring alternative options that could potentially offer similar benefits. Gradually, you could begin to replace the habits that are causing you discomfort.

You might also consider speaking with a counselor.

I try to live by Buddhist principles and offer positive guidance when I can. I believe in the goodness of the world and of humanity.