What should I do if I can't stop internal conflict and I'm always haunted by my family of origin?

Hello, question asker!

I'm Si Meng'er, the respondent. I see that you say you know where your problem lies. Whenever you get annoyed, you read a book on healing or psychology. You don't answer the phone when your parents call. It seems that when you encounter a problem, you will first choose to avoid it. Not answering the phone when your parents call is avoiding it, and reading a book when you're annoyed seems to be solving the problem, but in reality it's also avoiding it. It's like when the teacher is in the classroom, you study, but when the teacher leaves, you stop studying. Could I ask you whether you're really studying?

I don't believe that to be the case. Perhaps reading a book is a way to avoid the annoying emotions.

Evasion can be a way to solve problems, and there is no inherent right or wrong in it. How it is used is what matters. When a flood is imminent, it would be wise to avoid it, otherwise your life could be at risk.

If you choose to avoid it when annoyance strikes, it may temporarily calm you down, but it might be worth considering that the annoyance will come back because you haven't resolved the problem at its core.

As you mentioned, memories from your childhood tend to resurface, making it challenging to find rest or nourishment. If you choose to avoid these memories, you may find yourself momentarily distracted by other things, but the underlying impact of your childhood experiences may still linger. It's important to start learning how to face these memories head-on. Your parents' observation that you have no conscience could serve as a valuable starting point in this process.

Your parents have expressed that they feel you lack conscience when you don't answer their calls. You have a strong sense that you possess conscience, but you are currently experiencing a great deal of exhaustion and are unable to communicate with your parents.

If that is the case, you do not believe that your parents should label you as heartless. In that instance, it would be beneficial to conduct an analysis.

1. Could I ask you to confirm whether this is true?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether it is accurate to assume that your parents are calling you heartless. It seems unlikely that they would do so.

2. Could I ask you to confirm whether you are absolutely sure that that is true?

It might be helpful to consider that this idea, that your parents shouldn't say you have no conscience, might not be entirely accurate.

3. How do you think you will react when you hold this thought?

It's understandable if you feel sad, upset, or angry. Have you considered finding a reason to hold that thought without anxiety? It might be helpful to focus on ways to improve the situation, such as encouraging them to stop saying "I have no conscience."

Perhaps when they say you have no conscience, you feel that they shouldn't say that. Do their words make you anxious, or do you feel that they shouldn't say that? It's possible that this is not the right idea. You may take the idea as a fact and then verify it with the real thing. It's understandable if there's a discrepancy.

Since it is an idea, it can be replaced. Perhaps parents should say that I have no conscience, or perhaps I shouldn't say that I have no conscience. Which one is closer to the truth?

4. If you were to eliminate that thought, what kind of person would you be?

Then it will be very easy, and the thought that you shouldn't do it will disappear. Once there is no thought that you shouldn't do it, there is only the fact that your parents say you have no conscience.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider this sentence a little more closely. Have your parents ever said this when you answered the phone, but not when you didn't answer the phone? If so, it might be easier to understand what they mean by saying you have no conscience.

It may seem illogical to equate a lack of conscience with a desire to answer the phone. Let's take a closer look at this apparent contradiction.

Perhaps we could define "heartless" as failing to answer the phone when one should. Based on this one incident, it seems that answering the phone is a key aspect of being heartless. Similarly, pointing out that one is being heartless implies that there is still a task left undone (in this case, answering one's parents' phone calls). In a way, pointing out the part you haven't done is akin to pointing out mistakes in a homework assignment. The hope is that you will correct it, which is to hope that you can do it right in the future.

This is what I understand to be the case: being heartless is akin to hoping you will do the right thing about answering the phone, which in turn means you have to answer the phone. I fully recognise that this is not an exact equivalence, but it seems to me that there is some truth in it.

Perhaps it would be helpful to let go of the idea that your parents shouldn't have said you were heartless. It seems that you've also made sense of the fact that your parents said you were heartless. If so, there shouldn't be any problems. And then? The rest is just a matter of slowly resolving the things that are causing you internal conflict, one by one.

You might consider making a long-term plan to sort out two or three things a day. In this way, you could have sorted out most of them in a year or two. This is a process of unravelling the mystery, and it requires patience.

Dear Sir/Madam, I have read the description of your situation. Although there are no details available, I can appreciate that you had many unpleasant experiences and encounters in your childhood, and that your parents' actions at the time made you feel aggrieved. Best regards, [Name]

Despite your recent achievements, including starting work, becoming financially independent, and moving away from your hometown, you still find yourself recalling painful experiences from the past. This has even affected your normal life. I fully understand your current state, given the significant influence of your original family.

You are now interested in learning how to alleviate the distress caused by your family of origin. There are two possible solutions: treating the symptoms and treating the root cause. We will discuss these in turn.

You indicate that while you experienced difficulties at school, they were not as significant as those you are currently facing. Additionally, you state that when you are not occupied with work or sleep issues, your mind is preoccupied with memories from your childhood. During your school years, you likely had a clear objective: to excel academically, gain admission to university, and distance yourself from an unhappy home environment. When your focus was on your studies, you had limited opportunity to reflect on your childhood experiences.

During your tenure at the university, you invested a considerable amount of time in your relationships with your peers. You engaged in a range of activities together, including attending classes, sharing meals and accommodations, and pursuing leisure activities. These experiences fostered positive sentiments and memories. Given the quality of your interactions and the general contentment you derived from them, you did not dwell on your childhood. Even now, your attention is largely focused on your professional responsibilities, and you only revisit memories from your childhood when you are not working or when you experience insomnia.

It is therefore possible to plan our careers now, think deeply about our work, and try our best to focus our attention on achieving our career goals and improving our current work. This will help to ensure that you are not easily distracted by other things. It is also important to establish good interpersonal relationships with old classmates and colleagues. These should be maintained by getting together with them, going for walks, or going on trips. Good interpersonal relationships provide an important source of psychological support. They will not only prevent you from thinking about other things, but will also bring you pleasant experiences.

It is recommended that you increase your exercise and physical activity levels. Developing the habit of exercising after dinner and before going to bed will tire you out, allowing you to fall asleep as soon as you lie down in bed. It will also help to reduce your rambling thoughts. If you are unable to sleep all night, it is advisable to see a doctor to determine whether you need appropriate medication.

These are only interim measures, but we encourage you to give them a try as they should be helpful.

You have stated that you feel the issue has not been resolved. This is because you have not yet let go of the psychological aspects of the problem, nor have you accepted the situation. Additionally, you have expressed hatred towards your parents, which is an obstacle to forgiveness. In essence, all experiences that affect people's psychology are external factors and environments. Our internal interpretation of these factors and environments is the direct cause of various psychological states. Therefore, the fundamental way to solve the problem is to change your mind and reinterpret it.

From childhood to adulthood, parents always hope that their children will be well-off. They do not intend to let their children be academically unsuccessful, physically unhealthy, or mentally distressed. In fact, the opposite is true. Parents want us to be well-off in every way, and this is a matter of attitude. However, in terms of ability, parents often lack the knowledge to truly help their children succeed, leading to ineffective actions. They may even try too hard to help their children succeed, resorting to lecturing, controlling, or even beating and scolding their children in ways they believe are appropriate. This puts pressure on the children and has a psychological impact. This is a matter of ability.

In conclusion, parents demonstrate a positive outlook but lack the requisite skills, a perception shaped by their upbringing.

There are two categories of factors in the world: those that are beyond our control and those that are within our control. The former includes situations that are unchangeable through our own efforts. The latter includes situations that can be influenced by our actions. In order to effectively manage the latter, it is essential to understand the underlying causes of external factors and the environment.

The latter allows us to view the external environment from a broader perspective and to continuously enhance our personal and professional development.

From my experience, I have observed instances of intergenerational transmission of the influence of the original family. The questioner had a challenging childhood experience, which has shaped his understanding of the influence of the original family. The questioner has received a more comprehensive and advanced education and was born in this open era, an era rich in knowledge and services. He is aware that seeking knowledge through books on healing or psychology can positively impact his mental well-being and expand his knowledge base. I am confident that the questioner's future children will flourish, not only because they will not have to endure the intergenerational transmission of the original family's challenges, but also because they will have a father who is rational and understands effective family education principles and methods. Given the questioner's insights gained from his experience, I am optimistic that your future family and parent-child relationship will be positive and fulfilling.

Everything has two sides. For every positive aspect of a situation, there is a negative aspect, and vice versa. I believe that the challenging experience you had as a child may have motivated you to learn and develop. To "escape" from your family, you were able to overcome the pressure and difficulties of learning and constantly improve yourself. The challenging experience of your childhood may have made you more aware of empathy and putting yourself in others' shoes, which has made you a popular colleague and friend for your consideration for others in interpersonal interactions.

The questioner is encouraged to explore this area further on their own.

In short, changing your mindset is an effective way to solve problems at the root. I recommend reading more books on psychology to gain a higher perspective on the world, accept what we cannot change, strive for what we can change, see the positive factors behind all suffering, and constantly improve your cognitive level and behavioral ability.

I hope this information is useful to you. I would also appreciate your feedback at your earliest convenience so that I can continue to improve my abilities and provide assistance to more people.

Best regards,

Dear questioner, Hello! I'm doing great.

Have you ever thought about how our hearts are like little houses, filled with all kinds of emotions and memories?

When these emotions and memories pile up, it can make the house feel claustrophobic and depressing. You're like the person wandering in a crowded house, trying to find an exit, but always tripped up by memories of the past.

After working independently, we really need more time and energy to adapt and grow in the face of new environments and challenges. It's especially important to communicate and understand each other with family members at this time.

However, there are times when what we want and what our family expects don't match up, which can make us feel stressed and troubled.

You said there's always internal conflict, but the problem's never been resolved. I think that may be an unresolved complex brought on by an unpleasant experience in the original family.

Have you tried sharing your feelings and thoughts with your family? If not, it might be a good idea to start communicating a little. Have you already tried this? If so, you might want to adjust your communication style.

You're now working independently, so your self-boundaries may be different. Maybe at certain times you don't want your family to call and disturb you. Defining your own boundaries also requires communication between you and your family. Avoiding the problem won't solve it.

I hope you can find a way to break away from internal conflict, reconcile with your family of origin, and gain a stronger, happier self.

Hello, host! I'm so honored to answer your question. It seems like you're having some internal struggles, but you're not quite sure what they are.

Every day, you feel like you're constantly fighting with yourself, which is totally normal! When you get irritated, you want to find a book to soothe yourself or read a psychology book, but you always feel like the problem hasn't been solved.

You've been having some trouble sleeping, which I know can be really hard. Even though you had some challenges at school, they weren't as intense as what you're going through now.

Now that you're working and financially independent and have left home, your mother calls but you don't answer, and they say you're heartless. When you have time off work or during your evening break, all you can think about is what happened when you were a child.

I can totally relate to how these things can affect your normal life. It's so easy to tell yourself that they're in the past, isn't it?

It's a familiar feeling, isn't it? Every night is the same cycle, and the more you think about it, the more aggrieved you feel.

I admire you for taking the initiative to find the cause of the problem and find a solution. It's great that you're willing to face problems and conflicts head-on without blindly choosing to escape or hide. This mentality is really positive!

From a psychoanalytic point of view, your current internal conflict is a typical Oedipus conflict. The main reason is that you and your mother's psychological and physical boundaries are not very clear. In the past, your parents' relationship was pretty close, and there were some conflicts, but you were still young and it wasn't really obvious. Now that you're working and financially independent, and have left your original family, this conflict has become more obvious.

I can see that your mother calls, but you don't even bother to pick up the phone. I can also see that you're struggling with worries and an attachment to her. I know you're doing well financially and working.

I can see how you might feel like you've abandoned and betrayed your mother. It's natural to feel like you no longer need her to take care of you when you've moved away from your past and familiar surroundings.

When I'm not busy, I focus on work, but when I'm not working, I think about things from my childhood. This shows that you are apologizing to your parents, telling them that you are not as strong as you are, and that you still need your mother's care and attention. It's totally normal to feel this way!

I can see that you're struggling with some conflicting feelings. It's totally normal to feel torn between being strong and independent and wanting to be close to your mother. I know you want to draw closer to her by remembering things from your childhood, and that's a beautiful thing.

In real life, you and your mom are two independent individuals. Your independence and strength haven't caused her any loss or harm. In fact, she'll benefit from your independence and strength in so many practical ways!

My dear, she's just expressing her own feelings of loss after you've gone. It's not meant to accuse you.

You can choose to ignore these behaviors. I'm doing my best to improve and strengthen myself, and I'm sure you can do the same!

I'm so happy to have an appointment in 1983! I love you all so much!

My name is Liu Nian.

A thorough reading of your text has enabled me to grasp the extent of your helplessness and frustration. It appears that you are experiencing a particularly challenging period, grappling not only with internal struggles but also with relationship issues within your family. This can be a highly exhausting and overwhelming experience.

Your awareness of the issues you are facing and your efforts to identify solutions are commendable and demonstrate a commendable degree of courage. These actions represent a promising first step.

Indeed, it is important to note that these experiences are not isolated. Many individuals grapple with similar challenges, including the difficulties associated with their family of origin and self-defeating behaviors.

This kind of internal conflict often has its roots in excessive introspection about the past, concerns about the future, and doubts about one's self-worth. Furthermore, the experience of one's family of origin, which plays an integral role in one's personal growth, can easily become a source of internal conflict.

It is not uncommon for individuals to engage in repetitive thought patterns, ruminating on past experiences or anticipating future events. This tendency can lead to a depletion of energy and feelings of exhaustion.

In regard to the distress caused by your family of origin, you have indicated that since you have become financially independent, your contact with your family has become distant, which may have resulted in some misunderstandings and conflicts. It is important to note that although we may be deeply troubled by our family of origin and although we cannot change the past, we do have the capacity to choose how to face and interpret it.

It is important to recognize that while parents may have limitations and shortcomings, it is not necessary to assume responsibility for their mistakes or allow self-doubt to persist.

One may attempt to view one's familial experiences with greater objectivity and rationality, recognizing that they constituted a component of one's personal growth but do not define one's identity.

Furthermore, I empathize with the feelings of solitude and powerlessness that you are currently experiencing.

Your inclination towards reading self-help and psychology books is a commendable approach to self-healing. Nevertheless, it is essential to recognize that books serve merely as instruments, and genuine transformation necessitates a combination of personal actions and exertion.

One may endeavor to apply the knowledge and techniques presented in the book to one's own life. For instance, one may seek to reduce internal conflict and anxiety through the practice of mindfulness meditation and emotional regulation.

In conclusion, I will present some specific advice.

It is recommended that a regular time be set aside for the review and reflection on the past, such as once a week. During this time, the individual is encouraged to engage in the process of thinking and feeling as much as they require, but afterwards to provide themselves with the affirmation that they have given themselves sufficient time to address the emotions in question, and that they will now focus on the present and the future.

In the event that one's emotional state becomes overwhelming, it becomes impossible to cope with the emotional difficulties of life without assistance. At this juncture, it is imperative to establish a support system and actively seek assistance from close friends, family members, or a counselor.

In the event of feelings of loneliness or helplessness, it is recommended that the individual in question communicate with their family members, expressing their feelings and thoughts while also listening to the views of their family members.

Despite the potential challenges, communication is a crucial step in problem-solving. If communication proves ineffective, it may be beneficial to seek guidance from a professional counselor.

Furthermore, you indicated that you frequently contemplate your childhood memories at night, which may be indicative of unresolved emotional conflicts or traumatic experiences. These recollections may evoke distressing emotions, yet they also offer potential for personal growth and healing.

One may attempt to express these emotions through the medium of a diary, the creation of artwork, or the sharing of these experiences with a trusted confidant. This process can facilitate a deeper understanding and acceptance of one's past experiences.

Additionally, it may be beneficial to pursue new interests or engage in social activities, as this can facilitate the opportunity to meet new individuals and expand one's experiences, while also providing a source of relaxation.

In conclusion, it is imperative to accept one's own imperfections and limitations. Each individual possesses unique strengths and weaknesses, and learning to accept oneself and strive for growth is a crucial process.

It is my sincere hope that these suggestions will prove beneficial to you. It is also important to remember that you have the support and encouragement of many people around you. Best wishes for success!

Hello, questioner! It's so great that we've met in the air and that we can connect so deeply on an emotional level through text.

From your description, I can tell you have a lot of emotional experiences going on! It's clear you have a lot of feelings, but you've made a lot of progress to get to this point. I'm proud of you!

I have a feeling you're a sensitive soul with a big heart, keenly aware of your emotions and a strong sense of self-improvement. You're already on the path to understanding how your childhood experiences are shaping your current situation, and you're taking steps to address it head-on — that's awesome!

Dear, let's embark on your current psychological journey together!

1. The amazing impact of childhood experiences on you

You mentioned that when you have free time at work or when you can't sleep at night, your mind is full of memories from your childhood, and you feel aggrieved. I'm not sure what you experienced as a child, but I can feel the situation you were in as a little child in your original family, and it's so interesting!

You may not feel your parents' love in the original family, despite your efforts to please them, to be as good and sensible as possible, to prove yourself to them, and to be seen and recognized. But that's okay! Perhaps the response from your parents is to blame you, to constantly make demands on you, and ignore your needs.

2. The amazing significance of the attachment instinct!

A baby's got to attach to a parent or other caregiver to survive, and they get the caregiver's attention by crying and laughing. As babies grow up, they get to adapt to their environment. They're also keenly aware of the attitudes of their parents and significant others towards them, and then they discover their own coping strategies!

As the questioner said, perhaps the strategy you discovered is to please, obey, suppress your own needs, and be a good child, so that you can grow up smoothly. And you did it!

You used the word "stay away from home," and I suspect that this is a conscious choice you have made on your own initiative. You don't want to get too close to your parents, because if you do, you will get hurt. You are too lazy to answer the phone when your mother calls, because your inner child has slowly begun to grow up and learn to respect your inner feelings. They scold you for being heartless. I feel exploited and disrespected, and at the same time, I feel aggrieved and vaguely angry.

3. An upward striving vitality!

You have experienced a lot of suffering, but you have not given up on growing up! You have not forgotten to find the real you! You read books, work, etc., to relieve the pain in your heart.

I want to tell you something really important. Everyone has their own life's lessons to learn. And I bet your lesson is to see yourself, to find yourself, and to repair your relationship with your parents!

I have a great suggestion for the original poster:

When you were little, you suffered a lot of injustice. But now you've grown up, and you can conquer it! The emotions of injustice need to be seen, and you can do it! The little child who hides in the corner and cries secretly in the quilt needs to be seen. [Seeing is the beginning of healing]

When the night is quiet, go take a good look at that child. Tell her that it's really not easy for her, that she has suffered too much. Go hug her! She'll feel the love and her grievances will slowly dissipate.

Let's give the child a big hug together! There's nothing to be afraid of. The world and Lili the dolphin love you!

First, I'll give you a hug, and then I'll share my views!

1. When we feel that we are internally consuming every day, it's time to think about what causes our internal consumption. Is it a work problem, an emotional problem, or a social problem? And under what circumstances is our internal consumption particularly severe: when we get along with others, when we work alone, or when we are doing nothing? It's time to analyze which stage of the day has a higher frequency of internal consumption: is it every morning just before dawn, or at noon when it is hottest, or late at night when everyone is asleep? Sort through the causes based on the frequency and time of internal consumption, and then find a solution.

2. I was troubled at school, but it wasn't as serious as it is now. So what has happened to make it worse? What part of our original family is troubling us? Is it the way we get along with our parents, or the way they speak, or the way they behave? Some parents in the original family ignore their children when they are young, always thinking that they have done their children a great service by giving them food and shelter. But when the children grow up and earn money, they will be nagged over and over again: "We are your parents, your blood relatives. Without us, you would not be who you are today. So you must unconditionally satisfy our needs. You have grown up and can earn money, but you must not forget your roots. You must contribute to the family, you must respect your parents and help your siblings. If you refuse, they will turn on you. Everyone will jump out and accuse you, as if you had committed some heinous crime. This kind of family is terrible. The children from such families will always feel a heavy burden. Everyone around them will suck the blood like leeches. In this situation, the oppressed child will face two situations:

They may be blamed by others from a moral high ground, but if they are mentally strong, they can completely get past it. 2. They may give up and become a loser. But I have tried very hard,

3. Once you've achieved financial independence at work, you're likely to feel a lot of pressure to solve all your problems by yourself, especially in an unfamiliar place. It's not easy! Unfortunately, your family members may not be able to support or understand you, which can lead to some challenges. Many adults find themselves sewn up at night, and they go back to work and life as usual the next day. It's true that an unfortunate childhood can take a long time to heal. When we don't deliberately think about something, we don't feel anything. But when we think back on something unpleasant, the more we think about it, the more overwhelmed we feel, the more aggrieved we become, and the more depressed we feel. This is totally normal! In this situation, we just need to find an external thing, idea, concept, or someone else's behavior to interrupt our thoughts and rescue us from the depressing, dull, painful emotions. You can do this!

4. When you feel restless, reading books on healing and psychology is a great start, but it might not be enough. The root cause of the problem itself has not been resolved. What we need to do is untangle the problem, sort it out, seek a solution, slowly find the essential problem, analyze the problem, and prescribe the right medicine.

Thank you so much!

Hello. I can see that you're going through a lot right now. The internal conflict and emotional turmoil you're experiencing as a result of your family of origin and the internal struggles you face are profound and complex. These feelings stem from your early family environment and experiences, and they continue to affect your daily life and mental health even as an adult.

It's great that you're aware of these issues and looking for solutions. It's a big step towards healing and self-growth.

Above all, remember that your feelings are valid and that you're not alone in facing these challenges. Many people are affected by their family environment during their formative years and continue to deal with these influences as adults.

You've already taken some great steps, like reading books on self-help and psychology. These are great ways to help yourself and explore yourself.

However, when you're feeling irritable or having trouble sleeping, these books might not be enough. In that case, it could be helpful to think about speaking with a mental health professional.

A professional counselor can help you work through some of the deeper emotional issues you're facing and provide guidance through one-on-one counseling.

On top of that, getting a good night's sleep and sticking to a regular schedule can really help you feel more stable emotionally. Learning some relaxation techniques, like deep breathing, meditation, and yoga, can also be really helpful for calming you down when you're feeling stressed.

It's also a good idea to make positive social connections with others, such as friends, colleagues, or by joining support groups, which can provide additional emotional support.

At the same time, it's important to set healthy boundaries with family members to protect yourself from unnecessary negative influences. It's also crucial to accept your past and current situation and understand that your value doesn't depend on your family environment or the opinions of others.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It's normal to have doubts. Don't blame yourself for not being able to solve problems right away.

You can tackle your emotional problems one step at a time, rather than trying to solve everything all at once. Look for ways to give your life meaning and focus on your personal growth and future planning, rather than dwelling on the past.

If your sleep problems and emotional distress are severe, you might want to talk to your doctor about whether medication could help.

Just remember that healing and growth is a gradual process that requires time and patience. You're already putting in the work to improve your situation, which is great.

With sustained effort and appropriate support, you can gradually overcome these challenges and find inner peace and strength. You're not alone in this battle, and there are always resources and people willing to help you through difficult times.

Have faith in yourself and your ability to bounce back. You'll find your own way to recovery.

The questioner is doing a great job.

I'm Kelly Shui.

[What if I can't stop internal conflict and I'm always haunted by my family of origin?]

The questioner mentioned that they

If you think you might have some psychological issues, you can work out where the problem lies.

This is a great way to be aware of your emotions.

[About emotions]

If you think you might have some psychological issues, or if you're feeling anxious or depressed, being able to recognize them is a great way to help yourself work through them.

In the past, I used to wear myself out. When I got upset, I would quickly find a book on healing or psychology to read.

We all know there are lots of reasons why people have psychological problems. Different problems need different solutions.

I get the feeling that the problem hasn't been solved yet, and it's still affecting you, troubling you, and keeping you awake at night.

Right now, it might be telling you that reading books isn't the only solution and that you need to explore other options.

For instance, you might want to try writing down your feelings and emotions.

For instance, you might want to consider talking to a therapist or counselor.

For instance, you could try joining a group to see if it helps. There are lots of ways to help yourself, and you'll probably find the right one for you over time.

Your emotions are probably trying to tell you that you haven't seen or released some feelings, which is why they're still troubling you.

I can see that this is a challenging situation for you, and that your emotions are related to your family.

There's also a lot of resentment and sadness, and perhaps self-blame and guilt, too. You don't understand why it wasn't as bad when you were in school, but now you feel like you're not as good as you were before.

These emotions are telling you that you need to figure out why this is happening and help yourself.

[Regarding communication]

I suppose that once you've gone to work and become financially independent, you don't like your mom to call and you don't even bother to answer the phone. Perhaps it's wise to listen to your body and your emotions.

If you call, you can say something from the heart. What would you say?

How would you feel if, instead of calling you heartless, they told you that it wasn't easy for you to take care of yourself when you were away?

You might also try writing these thoughts down and telling yourself to allow yourself to feel emotions. You're thinking about how to help yourself and also want a certain distance from your mother.

It wasn't easy for your younger self either, and that self felt aggrieved. So when you have a moment to spare at work or when you can't sleep at night, it comes out and expects to be seen by your current self.

What would you tell your younger self if you could?

What did your mom do to make you feel happy and content at that time?

If she doesn't realize she's hurting you, telling her might help her become a better mother.

Even if you can't do it, you might be able to allow yourself to express it. When many people express their inner thoughts, past emotions will also come up.

It might be helpful to find a professional teacher. Or you could try talking to family, friends, or groups, including yourself. Talking to yourself can also be beneficial.

You might also want to try meditation.

Keep feeding yourself with positive thoughts. You're an independent person, and I believe in your ability to help yourself.

If it lasts more than two weeks and has already affected your normal routine, and you find yourself going over it in your mind every night, it might be time to seek professional help.

As long as we're willing to give it a go, we'll get a different result.

I'd also suggest reading "Yes to Life" and "The Power of Self-Care."

In terms of time, those childhood events have indeed passed, but the memories and emotions that keep coming back are still vivid and overwhelming. From this perspective, things have not passed and are still troubling and affecting you.

You don't have much text, and you haven't explained much about your inner thoughts. This kind of distress comes from past experiences that still hurt or bother you, or from feeling uneasy after deliberately staying away, or from confusion and helplessness that you still feel even though you're economically independent. Therefore, you may need to find your own answer to how you view, deal with, and feel about the "past," which in fact has no past.

As a general rule, you have to accept what's already happened. Forgetting or avoiding it is pointless in real life. At best, it's just a form of comfort or self-deception.

Because memories aren't like documents you can delete or edit on the fly, they'll always resurface from time to time. To face these painful things head-on, or to find a specific explanation, or to put it in the longer perspective of life, you always have to find a perspective or reason that can relieve or calm you, and then give yourself the strength to accept and be immune.

It seems like you're more likely to avoid the situation and distance yourself from it, and even sink into it more after that. Maybe you find that the results aren't as good as you expected, and you're confused and disappointed. Perhaps you find that such distancing isn't sustainable or realistic in the long term. Maybe you're not as determined as you thought. In short, when faced with the problems of your family of origin, you may not have a clear and firm direction, and this may be the source of your problems.

It seems like you didn't escape as easily or as quickly as you thought you would. Otherwise, you would have just left everything behind, including your childhood. It's as if love or resentment, for example, are actually manifestations of relationships, not unrelated.

You might want to take a broader view of your relationship with your family of origin, looking at the whole picture over a longer period of time. That way, you'll be in a better position to grasp specific approaches or priorities. Of course, this depends on your rational and honest answers, not your emotions.

I wish you all the best.

Good day. My name is Xin Tan, and I am Fei Yun's coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for blossoming.

I empathize with your concerns. I experience a similar internal conflict, oscillating between two opposing impulses. On the one hand, I advise myself to disengage from these past issues and not dwell on them. On the other hand, I find myself repeatedly reflecting on the challenges I faced during my upbringing.

It is a universal experience to endure suffering, and the extent of this suffering varies from person to person.

The experience of suffering can facilitate an enhancement in the significance attributed to one's life. It is a universal phenomenon, affecting individuals in various forms, including physical, mental, and spiritual.

The suffering experienced by the individual in question can be attributed to the family of origin. While the specific forms of harm caused by parents and other family members were not explicitly stated, it is reasonable to infer that the individual did not receive sufficient emotional understanding or emotional satisfaction from their parents.

In her book Psychological Nutrition, Dr. Lin Wentse posits that parents, as significant others, provide children with the psychological nutrition they require for healthy physical and mental growth. This includes the capacity to love, to connect with others, a sense of security, a sense of worth, and independence.

During one's formative years, one is typically unable to exercise complete independence and autonomy. However, as adults, individuals often choose to become financially independent and establish a physical distance from their parents. This indicates that the initial decision to "separate" from one's parents in terms of physical space is often followed by a continued inability to achieve a psychological separation. Consequently, individuals may find themselves unable to fully let go of the influence and psychological trauma caused by their parents.

"Fly Like a Bird to Your Mountain" is the author Tara's account of her upbringing. For 15 years, she was profoundly influenced by her family of origin, but used 10 years to effect a transformation in her self-identity and ultimately achieve a state of contentment.

It is imperative to reclaim the initiative in one's life. At any given moment, one possesses the capacity to make choices. As evidenced in "Living a Meaningful Life," the author retained the ability to determine how to spend each day, even while enduring the atrocities of a Nazi concentration camp.

2. The severity of problems tends to increase with age.

You have indicated that you tend to turn to psychology books as a means of self-healing whenever you experience distress. However, it is not uncommon for individuals to perpetuate the same patterns of behavior, particularly when they are unable to fully disengage from the influence of their parents and past experiences.

One can conceptualize this phenomenon by drawing a circle on a piece of paper. The interior of the circle represents the sum of our current knowledge, while the exterior represents the totality of our remaining ignorance. As the circle is expanded, the quantity of our current knowledge increases in direct proportion to the decrease in the quantity of our remaining ignorance.

As one's knowledge and experience increase, one's capacity for problem-solving grows. However, this growth is accompanied by a simultaneous expansion in one's emotional and emotional needs. For instance, the experience of spiritual suffering may intensify, giving rise to a stronger emotional response. This can lead to a perception that the more one reads, the less useful one becomes.

The books Out of Your Mind, Into the World, The Power of a Single Thought, and 5% Change are recommended for your perusal. It is only through a change in our thinking patterns that we can effect a change in our emotional experiences and behavior patterns. Your original thinking pattern is as follows: my family of origin is the cause of the misfortunes in my life (which has brought me some trauma). With this thinking pattern, your emotional experiences are grievances, sadness, anger, and self-pity, and your behavior is complaining, resisting, and avoiding.

It would be beneficial to consider your parents from a different perspective. This could include their upbringing, the historical context, their education, their family of origin, and the way they were brought up. This is not to suggest that you should forgive them, but rather to enable you to understand them better and interpret their behaviour in a more accurate manner.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial to you. Furthermore, I extend my love and support to you and to the world at large.

Should you wish to pursue this discussion further, you are invited to visit my personal homepage, entitled "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello there!

I was really touched by what you said about your mental health. I don't know if you mentioned it, but I have a feeling you might have gone through a lot when you were younger.

For example, things like unfair treatment, neglect, rejection, disgust, accusations, criticism, resentment, or beatings.

Those experiences are so unforgettable and vivid that you are always trapped in them and cannot escape. We've all been there! You will try to distract yourself when you are busy, but once you have some free time or cannot sleep, all you can think about is what happened when you were a child. The more you think about it, the more aggrieved you feel, and it has seriously affected your work and life.

You even feel that it has affected your mental health, making you feel like there's something wrong with you.

It seems that your experiences as a child have left you with some deep-seated wounds that have taken time to heal. It's so hard to move on when you're still financially dependent on your family and living at home.

This is a question worth pondering. Leaving your family of origin should have spared you from further harm, so I'm wondering, what caused the aggravation?

Your mother's phone call can also be a bit of a tricky situation. If you answer, you might feel like you don't have the energy to connect with her, which can be a bit of a bummer. If you don't answer, she might give you a bit of a scolding for being heartless, which isn't really what you want.

This unbreakable connection can really take a toll on you, right? It might be worth asking yourself if it's being made worse by this internal conflict.

You want to break it off, but you just can't seem to do it. You want to forget the hurt, but you just can't.

You know what the problem is, but every day you can't stop internal conflict. It's totally normal! And every day when you get irritated, you read books on healing or psychology. This method can temporarily relieve internal conflict, and it's a pretty good method.

But you always feel like the problem hasn't been fully resolved. It's still there, troubling you and keeping you up at night.

There was a psychological experiment that asked participants not to think about "pink elephants." But the more the participants tried to resist thinking about them, the more "pink elephants" appeared in their minds. This is something we humans often experience. When we tell ourselves that the hurt from childhood is in the past and that we should not think about it, we might find that we think about it more, want to get rid of it more, and feel unable to get rid of it more.

You know what you can do at this time? You can't get rid of the old, but you can add a variety of new and attractive things! Just put the old things in the memory box and when you think of them, say "hello" and put them back in the memory.

Why not try something new, something that's more interesting and more attractive to you? Open yourself up to meet some different people and empower yourself. Fill your life with vitality and hope, and you'll slowly change.

Reading is a great way to recharge your batteries and give yourself some much-needed vitality and strength. I highly recommend the book "Rebuilding Your Life." It's a meaningful book that you can read over and over again.

Let the author lead us to find the great potential that is hidden within us and that we are unaware of, and rebuild a new life together!

I love you, the world, and I want you to love yourself too!

Hello, question asker!

I totally get it! I can fully understand the negative emotional experiences caused by being "haunted by the original family."

I'd love to share some thoughts with you that I think you'll find really helpful!

You know, just as you "feel like there's something wrong with my mind" and "it bothers me, I can't sleep all night."

If a child is constantly rejected and ignored in their family environment, they will feel that they do not have enough emotional support. But there is hope! With the right support, they can learn to overcome these challenges and thrive.

This lack of emotional support may lead to excessive sensitivity and an inability to stop internal conflict—but there's a bright side!

At the same time, if you were often rejected or ignored in the early social environment of your family of origin, you may believe that you are not welcome or accepted. But here's the good news! You can change this belief and embrace your worthiness.

This early social experience may also affect self-perception and self-worth, leading to distrust of others or feelings of unease.

When you feel insecure a lot, it's time to embrace some self-protection mechanisms! You've already got a great start with the situations you described, like "I don't even bother answering the phone when my mom calls" and "my mind is full of things from when I was a child."

The good news is that this is a common coping mechanism that can help reduce your anxiety and unease.

We have some great tips for you to relieve the "internal conflict" and "distress" in this area! Try some of the following methods and measures:

First, start communicating openly and honestly with your parents!

You can absolutely find the right time and place to talk about your feelings and be a good listener!

It's time to gain a comprehensive understanding of the specific pressures and challenges you feel in your close relationships. This is your chance to help yourself and your family improve self-awareness!

And there's more! You should also learn some effective communication skills, such as listening, expressing yourself accurately and clearly, and understanding the views and feelings of others.

Second, it's time to become fully aware of your emotional responses and behavior patterns! You'll also understand how your emotions and behaviors are influenced by your childhood experiences.

Embrace your shortcomings and inadequacies, and build a rock-solid positive self-image and sense of self-worth through positive self-reflection and self-affirmation!

This self-reflection is a fantastic way to gain a deeper understanding of your inner world and needs!

Absolutely! It's time to establish a self-growth and support system.

I am so happy to have the habit of "every time I feel irritated, I quickly look for a healing or psychological book to read."

I highly recommend reading the book "Why Family Hurts" by Wu Zhihong. It's a fantastic read that will really open your eyes to the impact of imbalanced traditions in the parent-child relationship on current relationships.

With a full understanding, you can truly improve your respect and understanding of your family of origin—and it's an amazing journey!

And there's more! It is also recommended that you maintain healthy habits such as a healthy diet, adequate sleep, and appropriate exercise.

And there's more! You can also seek support and advice from trusted people, such as friends, family, or colleagues.

And finally, if you find that you need a little extra help to cope with these problems, it is so important to seek professional help in a timely manner!

The great news is that you can effectively help yourself better understand and deal with these issues through psychological counseling, psychotherapy, or other forms of support!

We really hope the above is of some help to you!

Hello, question asker!

It's like this: right now, you're dealing with some internal conflicts caused by issues in your family of origin. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed by these challenges! You're understanding so much, which is great.

So, we feel helpless and confused, right?

I'm excited to learn more about you! I don't know how old you are, but I'm eager to hear more about the psychological problems you've been facing. I'd love to understand more about the challenges you've been experiencing with your "original family."

First of all, let me explain why knowing all the reasons cannot solve one's own pain.

The good news is that these issues are often related to deep-seated emotional and psychological needs. The even better news is that they can be resolved simply by relying on rational arguments!

The good news is that these things can be resolved! For example, the deep-seated desire to be loved, accepted, recognized, and feel secure.

The good news is that you can still eliminate these problems no matter how much psychological theory and reasoning you know!

And there's more! The psychological problems that we perceive as rational are actually at the conscious level.

The good news is that you can work on your subconscious to deal with the problem!

Moreover, understanding a principle is one thing, and applying it in real life is quite another. For example, if you buy a manual on martial arts,

You can't just learn a fighting style and then go out and fight in the real world. Similarly, the psychological theories you read

It can be like a wonderful "psychological chicken soup," which can have a certain calming effect at times. It's a great place to start, but it's also exciting to really apply it to oneself.

And that's why we can't see through our own defense mechanisms and can't operate on ourselves!

And there's one more reason! From a dynamic perspective, much of our suffering is the result of compulsive repetition, which causes

Our habitual thinking and behavior have inertia, but we can overcome it! Even if we know what is better, it is difficult to prevent us from making positive changes.

Change is coming!

Let's go back to you for a second. You know, I've been thinking. Why didn't you feel the influence of your family when you were at school? It's so interesting that now it's starting to influence you!

?

Your growth and awakening have given you a fantastic new understanding of yourself and the power of understanding! From this perspective,

It's not a bad thing at all!

On top of that, after starting work and becoming independent, you were ready to break free from the shackles of your family. This process of separation and pulling apart

Oh my goodness, could this process be activating a lot of trauma?

Absolutely! The above analysis is for reference only.

Having said that, it's time to learn how to choose! Professional issues are best handled by professionals. What do you think?

I'm counselor Yao, and I'm here for you! I'll continue to support and care for you every step of the way.

Hello, I must say, reading your words gives me the impression of seeing you in person.

From what I can gather from your description, it seems that you are aware that you are currently in a state of internal conflict. However, it appears that you may still be seeking some guidance on how to navigate this situation. Is this an accurate interpretation?

Perhaps we could discuss your state in more detail?

You mentioned that you "feel like you have psychological problems," and then "know where the problem lies," but "every day I still can't stop internalizing and depleting myself." Then again, "every day when I get irritated, I quickly look for a book on healing or psychology to read," and "I always feel like the problem is not solved, and it bothers me so much that I can't sleep all night." Given the details you've shared thus far, I'm wondering if I could ask you a few more questions to gain a deeper understanding.

1. Could I ask where you feel the switch that triggers this sense of depletion if there is a switch for this "unstoppable internal depletion"?

2. Could you please tell me when you first noticed yourself becoming irritable?

3. Could you please tell me when you started having trouble sleeping?

4. Could you please describe what you were doing before you experienced the states of "irritability" and "insomnia"?

The above four points are intended to illustrate that most states do not develop overnight. If you are truly committed to understanding the underlying causes of a particular state, it may be beneficial to conduct a more comprehensive retrospective.

You also mentioned that although you had some difficulties at school, they weren't as significant as what you're currently experiencing. This is something that might be worth reflecting on.

1. Could you please tell me what you did at school that helped you to cope with your problems?

2. It seems that your mother's attitude towards you may have shifted before and after you became financially independent. Could there be any underlying reasons for this change?

3. Could you please elaborate on what is behind your "injustice" when you "look back"?

I hope the above three points will help you understand that the reason why you were troubled as a child but not so seriously was because your family members were willing to be the container for your emotions. However, now that you have become financially independent, your mother may naturally think that you need to take on many of the responsibilities at home, so she may face you with a different attitude. (After understanding the process of your mother's change in inner patterns, let's continue chatting.)

You mentioned that "as soon as I'm free from work or when I can't sleep at night, my mind is filled with memories from my childhood." Reading this, I was prompted to reflect on some feelings.

1. It might be the case that when you were a child, you experienced a very special period of time.

2. The description does not mention your father, so I wonder if I might ask whether your "injustice" is related to him.

3. Could it be that your mother has perhaps projected her feelings of resentment or a sense of powerlessness towards your father onto you?

I hope the above three points will be helpful in offering a different perspective on your situation and your mother's. (And, no matter how your family treated you in the past, it is something they will need to address on their own. Now that you are working and have achieved financial independence, it may be time to consider setting appropriate boundaries with your family through actions, such as determining what matters you would like your family to inquire about.)

If I might ask, what are some topics you would prefer not to discuss with your family?

I would like to share with you a quote that I feel is particularly relevant in this context: it is the rarest thing in the world to be misunderstood after expressing oneself, rather than choosing to express oneself even though one knows that one might not be understood.

As you have done so bravely in sharing your troubles on the platform this time, I am sure that at the beginning you were facing the unknown. But as time goes by, I am sure that your friends will tell you through their responses one by one: "Dear, you are never alone in this battle!"

I hope the above responses and sharing will provide some inspiration to help you find a way out of this predicament.

Please take care of yourself.

Hello, I'm Ruoshui Xin Space, a psychological coach from Yixin. Thank you for asking your question. It's not easy to bear these troubles alone.

You said your family problems have affected you. You studied psychology to help yourself, but you still have problems. This is really hard!

You also said it didn't seem as bad at school. After graduating and getting a job, you were too lazy to answer your mother's calls. She scolded you for being heartless, which upset you. You remembered things from your childhood that were really upsetting! Hugs to you!

Second, let's look at how we can heal ourselves from the trauma of our original family.

I don't know what happened to you when you were a child, so I can only talk about it in general. I hope it helps. Please bear with me if what I say is not correct.

In the original family, parents often neglect, ignore, and are impatient with their children. This is understandable, but if it continues, it can cause trauma.

Winnicott said that babies need to be protected and cared for to feel secure. As they get older, they learn about the world through their mother's touch, contact, feeding, and gaze. This helps them understand who they are and that they are safe. They also learn to approach other people, like their father, other relatives, and even strangers.

A loving childhood heals for life. An unfortunate childhood may take a lifetime to heal.

If there were deficiencies in early upbringing, the child may not have learned to express their emotions well. They may also think of themselves as unlovable, which can cause problems in relationships.

Once you understand this, you can stop blaming people and start to see how your past affects you. This makes it easier to fix things.

To find solutions, we need to understand our emotions and patterns. Mindfulness exercises can help.

Second, we need to express ourselves in different situations. When we notice patterns, we should make small adjustments so that we will get better. In this way, we can slowly say goodbye to the emotional and expressive patterns shaped by our families.

Some people may ask, "If my parents or other people don't change, why do they keep telling me to change?" That's not what I mean. Everyone needs to change and grow.

It will be harder for them to change than it was for us.

The smarter way is for us to grow and change ourselves. Whoever suffers, changes.

If their parents can't see their own patterns and talk about change, they'll suffer for the rest of their lives.

You are already very good. Don't be too hard on yourself and just relax. If you have problems, you can ask me questions.

I wish you and your family the best!

Good morning. I am listening to you.

Anxiety is a prevalent emotional state.

The preoccupation with potential negative outcomes can be a significant drain on one's emotional and cognitive resources, potentially leading to adverse consequences in various aspects of life.

Please elaborate on the specific circumstances that typically elicit this form of anxiety.

This kind of anticipatory anxiety may be caused by an excessive concern about the outcome of things or a lack of confidence in one's ability to handle problems.

To enhance the aforementioned situation

1. In instances of elevated anxiety, it is recommended to engage in deep breathing exercises to facilitate relaxation.

2. Additionally, one may engage in the practice of articulating their concerns and subsequently evaluating the plausibility of the worst-case scenario.

Additionally, individuals may recall past experiences of successfully solving problems to enhance their self-confidence. In daily life, appropriate exercise, regular work and rest, as well as communication with friends, can also help relieve anxiety.

4. Confront your anxiety: Identify the source of your anxiety. Are you expecting excessive outcomes from a given situation, or are you being excessively self-critical? Understand and accept the reasons, and then implement gradual adjustments.

5. Formulate a plan of action: In the event that a situation is causing anxiety prior to its occurrence, it is advisable to devise a comprehensive plan for its resolution. The implementation of such a plan will facilitate a sense of control and contribute to a reduction in anxiety levels.

6. Seek Support: It is advisable to engage in open communication with friends, family, or a qualified professional regarding one's emotional state. In some instances, merely discussing one's feelings can lead to a notable improvement in one's overall well-being.

7. Adhere to a healthy lifestyle: Obtaining sufficient sleep, maintaining a balanced diet, and engaging in regular exercise can all contribute to the reduction of anxiety.

Dear question asker,

Let me extend a gesture of physical affection first.

From your inquiry, it appears that the issue may be related to your family of origin. To better understand the nature of the problem, it would be helpful to know what was troubling you when you were a child. It is also possible that a family member's phone call may have triggered a particularly sensitive issue, making you more irritable than usual.

Reading is an effective method for alleviating restlessness. It facilitates relaxation and helps individuals to regain a sense of calm. Reading is a process of understanding psychology, encompassing the analysis of names, explanations, and identification of conflict points.

One might inquire as to the location of the solution. It seems plausible to suggest that the reader is also seeking it during the act of reading.

However, comprehension is one matter, and on the other hand, having an external source assist in the analysis and clarification of a situation may be a crucial step in the present circumstances.

In matters, it is akin to being in a mountainous region where visibility is limited. It is advisable to consult with a psychological counselor or other qualified professional to gain clarity on the matter. After that, it may be beneficial to seek input from others.

Given the considerable passage of time and the changes that have occurred in one's life and environment, it is reasonable to question the extent to which one can recall events from one's childhood with precision. As an adult, one's perspective on these experiences may have shifted. The accumulation of knowledge and the evolution of one's understanding of the world may have led to a re-evaluation of the significance and interpretation of these past events.

Psychological counseling can facilitate the reconciliation of one's younger self, transforming psychology books from mere concepts into a valuable tool in the hands of trained professionals. The adage "He who practices medicine should not practice on himself" underscores the importance of maintaining a professional distance when seeking help. It is rare to witness an individual performing surgery on themselves, yet this is a crucial distinction to make when seeking psychological counseling.

I offer you another embrace.

Hello, this is a great question. I can relate to what you're saying, even though I don't know exactly what you've been through. I can sense the conflict and contradiction within you.

We can't choose our family, and we can't just leave them. Even if they've caused us a lot of grief, we still can't just break up with them.

Whenever we feel irritated, we always turn to a book for a bit of escapism. As you mentioned, it seems like the problem hasn't really been solved.

So let's think about what state we want to achieve before we can say the problem's truly resolved. Can you describe it clearly?

I'd say you're someone who's not used to or is difficult to express yourself. Maybe you're afraid of saying the wrong thing, or maybe you're used to repressing, so many emotions are vague in your mind.

If the emotion is negative, you might think about suppressing it or correcting it. But all emotions serve a purpose, and they all have meaning and value.

If we ignore them and turn a blind eye, those emotions are like naughty crying children, and they'll jump out at us at every opportunity to make us face their needs.

3. Maybe we should treat our emotions like we would a child. When we learn to face them and channel them properly, they won't be a burden anymore.

It can be tough to pinpoint and verbalize your true emotions. Many people find it challenging to articulate their feelings when asked.

Can you tell me why?

Maybe it's because we've been taught not to be ourselves since childhood, and we're used to repressing and not expressing ourselves. So, now learn to find those words that express your emotions, take them out and read them when you feel like it. If you're still not used to speaking out, express yourself by writing first.

When you feel uncomfortable or aggrieved, try writing about it and thinking about where your emotions come from, what your inner thoughts and beliefs are, and whether they are reasonable. You might find that writing it out gives you more insight and helps you gain something.

Keep at it!

Hello, I'm Coach Yu, and I'm thrilled to discuss this topic with you!

First, let's talk about control. Why do some parents want to control their children?

Because they don't treat their children as individuals with independent personalities, but mistakenly see them as part of themselves. As the original poster said, when my mother is too lazy to answer the phone, they scold me for being heartless.

In fact, behind the parents' control of their children is the desire to fulfill their own wishes. Under the parents' long-term control, the children's self gradually becomes suppressed, and they slowly become puppets living according to their parents' wishes. Growing up with them also comes with a high risk of anxiety and depression—but it also comes with the opportunity to learn how to navigate these challenges and become the best version of yourself!

Let's ask ourselves some great questions! For example, did we always worry our parents before we became financially independent at work? And at home, did we always make our parents feel like they needed to be taken care of?

And we can also ask ourselves: what is the need inside ourselves that makes us read psychology books when we feel irritated? What is the need inside ourselves that makes us not want to answer our mother's phone calls?

What is it about you that wants to escape? What is it about you that feels aggrieved?

And we can ask ourselves, "What is the ideal family relationship like?" "What is the ideal self like?"

"What can I do to become the ideal version of myself?" "What can I do to achieve this?"

Let's talk about loving yourself! If you can realize on a daily basis that you are very good, then we can start by caring for ourselves, taking care of our bodies and our feelings.

We can try to be aware of what is troubling us. That is, when we perceive negative emotions, we can record what we are feeling at the moment. This is a great way to start understanding our emotions better!

Your writing is for you, so go ahead and write about your feelings! This is a great way to understand the origins and effects of our emotions and also help us clarify the root causes of our problems.

We can find some time to have an honest conversation with our parents. We can listen to them talk about their childhood experiences and also hear them talk about some of the past events in their parenting. At the same time, we should also express our own discomfort and how we hope our parents will behave in the future, as we have already grown up. This is an amazing opportunity for us to have a positive impact on our relationship with our parents!

Communication is a powerful tool that can help you release pent-up emotions and improve your relationship with your parents. It's important to be prepared for both outcomes, but either way, you'll gain valuable insights and grow as an individual. If your parents are receptive, you can gradually improve your relationship with them through your own maturity.

If our parents cannot accept it at once, don't be discouraged! It's a habit that has been formed over many years, so it will take time. But with the right opportunity to communicate again, we can show our parents our growth.

We can also adopt some strategies, such as listening to and even embellishing what our parents say, so that they feel that you are more careful and more able to take care of yourself than they are. In fact, you will still do what you need to do, but you will not let your parents know. For example, you can only report the good news and not the bad, so as to prevent your parents from calling you out of the blue to express their concern.

For example, you can make a deal with your parents to call them at a certain time every week to report on your life and health, and take the initiative to rewrite their controlling calls.

We can also try to seek help. Since this matter bothers you, it is not easy to overcome it immediately. But you can do it! Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor, because emotions must be expressed to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

We should also try to re-evaluate our self-worth, praise our own merits, and accept our own shortcomings. It's time to enrich your inner self, discover your unique value, and take back the right to judge your own value! You will gain greater courage to move forward independently.

I'm so excited to recommend this book to you! It's called "The Courage to Be Disliked," and it's a game-changer.