What should I do if I experience severe depression at work and in my personal life?

Hello, host. I am confident that my answer will be of great help to you.

Let me be clear: when we are not well-rested and are faced with the situation of losing love and losing our job, we are already under a lot of pressure. On top of that, we still need to deal with the emotions of the students. This is really not easy. I can see that you are a very responsible and kind teacher. You have done your best to help the children. What we need to understand is that even if we are teachers, and even if we become mothers one day in the future, we cannot 100% love and protect our children. In fact, in psychology, it is never believed that the best mother is a 100-point mother. The best mother is a 60-point mother. Why? Because only appropriate setbacks can make children grow up better.

Similarly, we can't be perfect class teachers. Students need to experience their own lives and setbacks. We can provide support and assistance within our abilities. This protects you and is better for them because it doesn't make them overly dependent.

I advise you to:

You can only take care of others if you take care of yourself first.

When we are distracted and unstable, we are unable to take care of ourselves. It is naturally difficult to take care of others when we are in this state. I used to be just like you. I was always hoping to do a good enough job in my own position. I even tried to exceed my own expectations to give others more care and love.

I have found that if I don't take care of myself, I will project my bad mood and frustration onto others. At that time, I am of no help to them and I feel worse. Moreover, when we haven't taken care of ourselves, our emotional quotient and patience will always be poor. At that time, there is a kind of longing in our hearts, hoping that others will also take care of us. And when we suppress this need in ourselves and instead take care of others, we are also unable to do so.

It is crucial for us counselors to prioritize self-care. Mr. Wang Haowei makes it a point to turn off his phone and avoid distractions at bedtime because he knows that sleep is essential for his well-being and performance. If he isn't in a good state, he won't be able to provide the quality counseling that our visitors deserve.

Take care of yourself first. When you feel uncomfortable, speak up. When you need help, ask for it. When you need to rest, do so. Understand that when you take care of yourself, you have the energy and ability to take care of others.

2. Know your limits, give others what you can, accept yourself, and know the difference between what you can do and what you can't.

My teacher made it clear during my training to become a psychological counselor: we cannot solve all problems. We must recognize our limitations and refer problems that we cannot solve. It is important to know what you can and cannot do.

This is crucial not just in counseling, but also in other work and daily life. You've mentioned that the students come from extremely impoverished families, and you often reflect on how challenging it would be if you were in their position.

Their circumstances evoke a sense of empathy, yet also a sense of helplessness. You feel a mounting desperation about their poor family and learning environments. It's clear that changing these environments is beyond our control. This can make us feel powerless and desperate. But there's a crucial distinction to be made. We can still do something. We can provide them with a good education and guidance in the classroom. We can enrich their minds so that they have the ability and opportunity to improve their environments in the future and become positive individuals. This is the value of your work. It's more meaningful than actually changing their family and learning environments.

3. You have too many emotions in your heart. You need to find ways to release them and become the master of your emotions, rather than being overwhelmed by them.

When we feel like we're about to be overwhelmed by our emotions, it's because we've been suppressing too many of them. Emotions have an outlet, and if they're blocked in the heart, they will accumulate until they reach a state of collapse, making people feel suffocated. It is therefore really important to release emotions in a timely and regular manner. From now on, use various methods to help yourself release emotions, let emotions flow, become the master of your emotions, and gradually restore stability within.

You will find the right person to talk to. Psychologists know that talking to others is the best way to maintain mental health. When we share our problems and our current mood with our trusted family members and friends, it helps us to feel better.

You must choose confidants who are suitable. These are people who can give you support and encouragement, people with whom you feel comfortable, and people who are positive, optimistic, and full of wisdom.

When you're overwhelmed by depression, find someone you trust and confide in them. Tell them your thoughts and feelings. Let them support you, care for you, understand you, and be present with you. At the same time, listen to their opinions and let them answer your questions and solve your problems. If you don't want to confide in someone you know, confide in a tree or the sea. They can also help regulate your mood.

You can also go to our platform's groups and confessions rooms to talk. Find a listener or counselor.

Hitting a soft object, such as a pillow or a sandbag, is another effective way to release your anger.

Use the technique of the empty chair to release emotions. If you can't find the right person to talk to, use the technique of the empty chair. Imagine the person you want to talk to (someone who can give you support, encouragement, and comfort) sitting in the chair, and tell them everything.

Use the technique of an empty chair to release emotions. If you can't find the right person to talk to, use the technique of an empty chair. Imagine that the person you want to talk to (someone who can give you support, encouragement, and comfort) is sitting in the chair, and then talk to them as much as you like. You can also imagine that the person you want to abuse is sitting in the chair, and then express yourself as much as you like (anger, abuse, etc.).

Take a walk in nature and feel your connection to it. Know that you are just a part of nature, ordinary yet extraordinary, small yet unique. When you are in nature, you will feel relaxed and experience things differently.

Painting mandalas or other mandala paintings will calm your mood. "The Secret Garden" is a great example.

You should also develop the habit of writing an emotional diary every day. Expressing your emotions and feelings on paper through writing is an effective way to heal.

This is for reference only. Best wishes!

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your trust and for posing your question, which allows us to learn how to be our own spiritual gardeners, watching over the spring blossoms and autumn fruits.

From your description, it appears that you are facing some uncontrollable situations at work and in your personal life, which have led to feelings of depression. You are seeking guidance on how to address these challenges and move forward with confidence and strength.

The primary reason for this is the discrepancy between your desired and actual capabilities. By adjusting the gap between these two factors and learning effective emotional management techniques, you can improve your overall well-being.

1. Identify your strengths in terms of your abilities and thought processes, and provide yourself with positive reinforcement and encouragement.

From your description, you have a good understanding of yourself. For example, you are afraid of the role of "mother" and therefore avoid being a "class teacher." You have a strong sense of empathy, seeing the psychological needs of your students and their material difficulties, which makes you feel uneasy and want to help them. You also know how to combine work and rest, and allow yourself sufficient time for rest.

I believe these are all valid points. I suggest you take some time to quietly write down your strengths, your past successes, and your areas for improvement. This will help you gain a better understanding of your capabilities and provide you with the tools to navigate challenges effectively.

2. Draw a clear distinction between your capabilities and your limitations, and focus on the tasks within your scope of competence.

From another perspective, you appear to exhibit some perfectionist tendencies, either avoiding tasks entirely or striving for perfection. For instance, you believe you are unable to raise a child effectively, which has led to apprehension about assuming the role of a mother.

In reality, however, it is often not as straightforward as one might imagine, and one learns as one goes along. It is important to remember that there is no such thing as a perfect model in life.

What can you contribute to the children at work, as a class teacher? For example, you can provide engaging lessons, respond to their questions kindly, interact positively, and guide them well.

In terms of enhancing the family environment, a teacher is uniquely positioned to provide the most effective guidance. There is no need to feel discouraged.

Consider what is and is not within your control with regard to your concerns and systematically address them one by one. This approach will help you feel more at ease.

3. Alter the mindset that "it's terrible," accept that circumstances arise, and select an approach to address them.

One of the irrational beliefs proposed in Ellis' ABC theory is the assumption that potential outcomes are inherently negative and catastrophic.

As the adage goes, nine times out of ten, circumstances are not as favorable as we would like. It is accurate to conclude that external factors often exceed our control, and it is not uncommon to face unexpected challenges. However, these situations are not as detrimental as they may initially appear.

In the event of job loss or a romantic partner leaving, it is important to accept the situation and then consider what lessons can be learned from it.

Given the circumstances, we can take steps to avoid further complications. Additionally, there are new opportunities on the horizon.

It is important to recognize and acknowledge your emotions. There are various effective methods for releasing and venting emotions, such as watching a movie and allowing yourself to cry, writing down your thoughts, or talking to a friend. Additionally, there are educational resources available on various platforms and books on the subject. If circumstances allow, seeking guidance from a listener or counselor can also be beneficial.

As a heart exploration coach, I hope you find the above response helpful. Best regards,