What should I do if I feel a lot of pressure because my mother relies on me so much and I am her only daughter and feel a lot of responsibility?

I'm so happy to chat with you!

First of all, it's important to understand that you can't change your mother, but you can change your own awareness and perception. Also, because your mother is sensitive, it's not a good idea to ask her to change, so let's change ourselves instead. So, the following words are all for you to do some introspective adjustment.

At the end of the day, you'll have less time with your mom and more time for yourself. When you think about it like that, it'll make you feel better and you won't be so bothered.

Of course, it's totally normal for a pregnant woman to be a bit fussy! But for the sake of your little one, try to be more open-minded, because who knows, one day you and your child might have a similar experience.

A friend of mine once said something that really stuck with me. She said that when your parents are still alive, they are like a castle, surrounding you layer by layer. I know it can be annoying when they're always there, but they're there for a reason! And when one day they are both gone and your castle collapses, you will really have to bravely face the setbacks and end of life.

My dear friend, marriage may not last forever, but your parents will always be there for you. They'll always be your home, your unconditional love, and the place where you first came into this world. They're your original family.

Mother, she grew up with you, and you grew old with her. Today, let's not talk about filial piety, but about how you could be a little kinder to her with your time, and whether you feel truly grateful to her.

You said that she often misses you. I'm sure she does! Do you miss her? If not, why not? Where do you usually spend your time?

You said that your mother complains about and is angry with your father. You speculate that she may have emotions that need to be vented, or that she may just be looking for things to talk about. If it's the former, that would be really tough for her. Then as children, it is our duty to listen and provide emotional support.

You will soon become a mother yourself, and I know you want to do right by your mom. In today's society, many parents are willing to spend money on their children but not the time to spend with them. You say that you have signed her up for dance classes, which is great, but what she really needs is your time and company. Companionship is the longest and most beautiful confession of love, and the love between a mother and daughter is a love with the purpose of separation. That can feel really cruel to your mom, and I know you want to be there for her. You will soon become a mother yourself, and when you realize this, I know you'll feel more sympathy and be willing to spend more time with her.

My dear friend, I'm here to offer you my advice.

Your state of mind can change with your surroundings. Maybe you'll feel truly happy. You have a mother to complain to, a child to nurture, a lovely husband, and a job to do. Life is just all these things: firewood, rice, oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar, and tea. There's no harm in chatting about them. This is life, and we're in it together!

Find a topic you're both interested in, and you might just become sisters!

Wishing you the very best! (´-ω-`)

Give the host a hug! Even though it's been two years since you got married, your mother still relies on and misses you very much. All emotions point towards reunions, except for family ties, which point towards separation. This is perhaps the point that troubles many people. At a certain time, it is not the child who cannot leave the parents, but the parents who cannot leave the child.

When we were young, we were always around our parents, and they never found us a nuisance.

It's true that we've grown up, and when our parents need us, we should be there for them with love and care.

However, the host is now at a critical period.

"I'm feeling a bit lazy, and my body is getting heavy."

"I feel so tired after listening to this, and it's a bit of a burden on my heart."

"I feel so tired, I want to catch my breath."

Reading these descriptions, I can't help but feel for the hostess. It's not just a growing belly, but also a growing burden on her shoulders, because she also has to carry her mother's love.

I truly believe that the original poster can still express their feelings. Mothers are sensitive, after all, and she is still your mother. There is no mother who doesn't love her child! Especially one who cares so much about you.

You can let your mom know that you're feeling a bit heavier and more tired lately, and that you'd love to take it easy for a while.

If your mom needs to, she can even call you on video or come to see you!

Parents at this age will actually become more and more afraid of "losing" their children. This is also a fear of age and old age, because everyone knows that the future is about leaving. So, they will especially miss their children for a period of time. Especially when they retire at home, they will suddenly feel a sense of loss.

Your mom might not be able to express her emotions and feelings directly, but she'll always show you what she needs. She might come across as nagging or lecturing, but it's just her way of showing you how much she cares.

In her heart, she'll be thinking, "I want to talk to you, I want to keep talking forever, but I'm afraid that if I run out of things to say, you'll go away again."

Parents who are always talking have a constant fear that if they stop talking, their children will drift away from them. It's a real concern for them!

If you can understand the fear and terror in your mother's heart, I truly believe you can give her a sense of security in a different way.

1. Switch roles and show your mum more concern for her. Ask her how she is, if she's eaten, if she slept well, and where she's planning to go today.

2. Have a chat with your mum about when she was pregnant with you. It'll be so interesting to hear how she felt at the time! And don't forget to share your current feelings too.

3. Share with your mother, and be her joy and worry too. Share your concerns, including the part where you feel tired.

It's the same in a relationship. If you're just going through the motions with your partner and always going on dates just to check a box, your partner will start to feel anxious and worried about you. But if you take the initiative to show your partner you care and communicate with them from the bottom of your heart, your partner will feel more and more secure and safe.

I'm sure your mother wants you to be happy. But if she feels like a burden to you, I'm sure she's also feeling very sad.

And we can only really understand our mums' anxiety and fear when we're old. But by that time, we've already lost the chance to help our mums shoulder some of the burden.

I really hope the original poster can find a way to cheer up. Apart from sharing her feelings with her mum, she can also help to make her mum feel better. As the saying goes, "filial piety." Lots of people have done their bit by supporting their parents in their old age and providing for them, but not many have done their bit by following their mum's wishes, letting her complain and nag, and making her feel comfortable. It's tough, but it's also really lovely.

Parents and children are bound together by the deepest bond of a lifetime, and they are also the one who has spent the most time with you. The person who has raised you step by step since you were a child is getting old. When we can go with the flow for them, let it be as smooth as possible, because everyone will have that day, everyone will grow old, and watching their dearest children get married and start a family, gradually moving away from them, behind them is the heartache that parents endure alone.

I really hope this helps you feel a little better, and also helps you find a better way to spend time with your mother. It's so lovely when three generations live together, and I wish you all the best.

Hi, I'm a heart exploration coach. I'm here to support you and listen to your story.

I can tell you're feeling the mental pressure from your mom relying on you too much, and it seems like you feel emotionally kidnapped by her.

You're an adult with a family on the way. You've got your own life and things to do. Your mom is retired, so she should be able to confide in and lean on your dad as a close loved one.

But your mother has used you as a way to get her anger out at your father and to express her emotions.

This makes you feel like you don't have any boundaries.

Let's talk about the concept of boundaries.

Having boundaries is about having respect in relationships. It doesn't matter if you're close to someone or not, you should still maintain a certain distance in your interactions.

Your mother's "over-sharing" makes you feel pressured. As children, you should be there for your mother by giving her companionship and listening to her complaints about her marriage and dissatisfaction with her partner.

However, your mom's behavior has crossed a boundary in terms of your emotions and feelings. The relationship between your parents and their marriage are issues that they need to work through on their own, and they don't affect you.

However, your mother's complaints about your father and her overreactions to past events will likely affect you in some way. For instance, you might have a different opinion of your father or view your family members differently.

I'd highly recommend watching the Academy Award-winning animated film "Bao." It's a great way to gain insight into the dynamics of a mother-child relationship. Once you've watched it, I suggest you digest it, and then convey it to your mother in an appropriate way.

We all have a sense of boundaries, which is a strong inner defense that exists in you and me at all times. It's only within a completely inviolable self-space that we can have comfortable interpersonal relationships.

Pregnancy can also bring hormonal changes that affect your emotions. It's important to meet your mother's emotional needs while also looking out for yourself and the baby.

2. Put yourself in your mother's shoes and see more of the truth.

1) Retirement:

A lot of people feel a sense of emptiness and a huge sense of loss when they suddenly stop working because they've retired and left the workplace environment they've been familiar with for decades. This makes them feel at a loss as to what to do, and they need someone to listen to and rely on even more.

2) Emotional loneliness:

You're an only child, and your mom wasn't happy with her partner or with marriage. She couldn't confide in your dad, and he wasn't a good source of emotional support for her.

By looking at things from different angles, you can gain a better understanding of the issues and make more informed decisions.

It's important to distinguish between your mother's identity and her actions. You should also try to separate yourself from your parents' life issues.

Get your father to understand and support your mother, and let him help her work through her emotions and issues. Speak up about what you need and what you want, and work together to find a solution.

I hope this is helpful to you and to the world. I love you.

If you want to keep talking, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'll keep in touch and we can work together one-on-one.

Hello!

I understand how you feel. You have your own family and you are pregnant, so you must be tired. Mothers need their own company. You are under a lot of pressure.

What should you do? I'll share some thoughts.

1. Tell your mother the truth.

As my belly gets bigger, I feel tired and don't want to go out. My mother has been there, so she will understand. If you can't go to your mother's house, you can send a message or have a video chat.

2. Sometimes we have to say no to our parents.

Sometimes, saying no helps kids grow. People grow and change throughout their lives. Even if parents are retired, they still have things to work through. People may wonder how to make their parents sad.

We don't want to obey them, but to make them happy. Think about it: if you were a parent, would you obey your children and spare them pain and setbacks?

Loving children means letting them grow and take responsibility for their own lives.

Loving parents also need love and respect. We help them grow by accepting their pain. They are getting married, starting a family, having a baby, becoming grandparents, retiring...

People have to adjust their minds when they change roles. These changes are uncomfortable and even harmful, but they are inevitable. Some people avoid pain or transfer it, so they stagnate.

If an adult child spoils their parents too much, ignores their own needs, and blindly obeys, this makes it hard for parents to face reality. When a child can't tolerate their mother, and explodes because they're overwhelmed with negative emotions, it hurts the parents even more.

3. Let parents deal with their emotions and respect their feelings.

If you feel like you can't breathe, take some space to heal.

Respect your own feelings. Sometimes parents' requests or words make us feel stressed or uncomfortable. Then, we can refuse, which may seem heartless, but it is the first step towards letting them accept their own pain. Parents will realize that their children have grown up and have their own lives. They are no longer our possessions, and they will respect their children's choices more and not interfere too much. Parents also need to understand that they must learn to adjust and grow at all times!

As they get used to the pain, they'll realize it's not so bad. They'll also start looking for new experiences instead of focusing on their children.

For now,

Good luck!

It's a similar situation to mine.

I am a man, and I have been registered as married to my wife for two years. We will have a wedding banquet soon. After graduating from university, I have been working in Shenzhen, trying to escape my hometown in a third-tier city. I am preparing to go back to work.

The pressure from the mother is getting bigger and bigger. For family reasons, when I was a child, my mother took care of me and my brother as her whole life. Now, she still does, but we two brothers have formed new families, and our spouses have opinions about this. We are almost avoiding communicating about this issue, but we will resolve it.

I have recently been working out how to solve this problem.

(1) It's clear that children still matter a great deal to mothers, but the reality is that mothers age while we grow up. We can't maintain the same relationship with our parents as we did when we were young. That's why communication is crucial. You can use your physical inconvenience and subtle communication to change this relationship.

(2) Give your parents more opportunities to interact with the outside world. Accompanying them doesn't mean being by their side all the time. Support and encourage her to do more meaningful things, rather than continuing to be in a stalemate in this relationship. For example, doing volunteer work, learning to embroider, or cultivating other interests. The older generation doesn't think like we do. Times are changing quickly, and the cost of learning is low. You won't starve or freeze to death. Encourage her to try more.

(3) Express your own needs, your desire for an independent family, and then face more and more things. You love her, but you can't love her more than your children. She has already worked hard for most of her life, and she doesn't have to continue to toil.

I've gained some perspective, identified the problem, and now I feel the same way. I'm also looking for ways to communicate and handle this gradually stiffening relationship.

Greetings, You are currently facing a dilemma. Your mother is highly dependent on you, and now the obligation of filial piety has become a source of significant stress, which is placing considerable pressure on you.

First and foremost, it is imperative to prioritize self-care during this period. The third trimester is a time of significant hormonal changes that can lead to increased physical and psychological stress, potentially resulting in emotional instability. It is crucial to recognize that your well-being is of paramount importance, and it is essential to find a comfortable environment where you can nurture yourself. This decision not only benefits you but also supports the well-being of the developing baby.

It is important to recognize that one's energy levels are limited at this time and that it is not feasible to provide the same level of care for others as was previously possible. It is crucial not to be overly critical of oneself in this regard.

Secondly, the return of a pregnant daughter to her parents' home is a return to a familiar family environment, where she can relax and be nurtured both physically and mentally. It has been observed that the retired mother displays signs of loneliness, sensitivity, and nagging behaviour, yet the daughter persists in going home to be with her.

It is evident that you are a dutiful daughter, and this is beyond doubt. The fact that you are unable to return home at this time does not negate this fact. It is important to note that you have consistently demonstrated a high level of consideration and care for your mother's feelings.

It is also important to note that excessive concern about one's dependence on one's mother is unwarranted. It is necessary to consider the circumstances under which one's mother has been left to her own devices. The individual in question may have departed from the family home to pursue educational, professional, or marital opportunities. During these periods, it is likely that the mother in question has developed the capacity to regulate her emotions independently. It is therefore unreasonable to assume that she is unable to cope with the situation.

Ultimately, your mother experiences a profound sense of longing for your presence. You may consider extending an invitation to her to visit you at your residence and express your own feelings of longing for her company. However, given the current limitations on your mobility, this may not be feasible. You can articulate your needs and, perhaps, your mother will be gratified to accept your invitation and accompany you during this pivotal moment in your life.

As you prepare to become a mother and have your own child, you may find yourself allocating a greater portion of your energy and attention to your mother. It is important to recognize that this shift in focus is a natural aspect of the process of growing up and developing independence. While your love for your mother may remain unchanged, the nature of your relationship with her is likely to evolve.

I wish you felicity and success in your new role as a mother.

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your inquiry. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

You are experiencing a sense of being overwhelmed due to your mother's attachment to you. Given that she is your mother, you find it challenging to reject her, and you may be uncertain about the most appropriate way to do so.

I am unaware of the nature of your relationship with your mother during your childhood. However, it appears that the dynamic between you and your mother has now reversed, with her viewing you as a maternal figure.

The reason may be that she has no other children, you are her only daughter, and your relationship with your father is not optimal. From the fact that she consistently expresses dissatisfaction with your father, it can be assumed that there is a lack of effective communication and expression between her and your father. Additionally, it is evident that individuals from that era typically had to work diligently for a living and did not have much time to develop their interests and personal pursuits. Women, in particular, tended to prioritize their families.

Your mother is currently providing you with the majority of her emotional support, which is likely resulting in fatigue on your part.

While mothers are kind for giving birth to and raising us, there is no need for us to become a tool for taking care of our mothers, just to satisfy their needs and ignore our own.

I would like to offer a few suggestions that I believe will be beneficial.

First and foremost, prioritize your own needs.

It is crucial to prioritize self-care to ensure that you are able to provide the best support to others. When your own energy is depleted, you are essentially overloading your resources, which can lead to burnout.

When you feel tired trying to meet your mother's needs, it is important to consider your own well-being. It is likely that you do not wish to spend an excessive amount of time with your mother, listening to her negative rants. You have now acknowledged this, and the next step is to identify ways to meet your own needs without engaging with her rants.

Secondly, it is important to learn how to distinguish between issues.

It is important to recognize that while we all require human interaction, family love, mutual care, and help, we are also independent individuals. While others can provide assistance with our inner problems, ultimately, we must rely on ourselves to solve them.

It is important to be able to distinguish between our own issues and those of others.

Your mother is currently in need of your support and guidance as she lacks spiritual sustenance. You are taking positive steps by encouraging her to engage in square dancing and attend the university for the elderly. However, given her experiences and education, she may require additional support to reflect on and develop herself, which could enhance the effectiveness of these initiatives.

Additionally, you can encourage her to engage in other activities. With regard to the outcome, it is important to note that this is not within your control. It is not your responsibility to satisfy your mother's needs.

Your current objective is to prioritize your own well-being, monitor your physical condition, and maintain a positive outlook.

Third, it would be prudent to reduce the time spent with your mother to an appropriate level.

You are currently spending two days a week with your mother, which is satisfactory for her but not for you. This is resulting in a significant expenditure of your energy. You may wish to consider adjusting this to once a week, or even once every two or three weeks, while maintaining contact with her via phone or video chat during the week.

Fourth, communicate your feelings and needs to your mother.

You can inform her in a straightforward and composed manner that you are currently pregnant, require additional time to care for your body and gain pertinent knowledge, and regret having to tell her that you lack the energy to care for yourself and the two of you. You can also suggest that each individual must prioritize self-care and hope that she can find sources of happiness.

Your mother is overly dependent on you and tends to have a lot of ideas. She may not readily accept your opinions. She may even engage in a heated debate with you and make statements that are not conducive to a positive work environment.

At this juncture, it is imperative that you advocate for your own approach, revisit the second point, and clearly delineate the issues at hand.

My name is Haru Aoki, and I extend my sincerest regards to you.

Hello. I can see that your mother's dependence makes you feel stressed and burdened. You want to avoid spending time with her, but you feel you should. You feel helpless and tired. I understand you very much.

I'm also an only child, and my mom retired early.

I understand you. After a mother retires, she has nothing to do and no one to keep her company. Every day, she will complain about you. I have experienced some of these anxious states. I understand your helplessness and frustration, and that you cannot confront your mother.

I studied psychology and learned to express my feelings and understand my mother. I reached a reconciliation with my mother. I hope you can do the same and get out of the predicament.

Second, love yourself. You're pregnant. In the third trimester, eat well, walk more, and stay happy. This is important for you and your baby.

Learn to love yourself, respect your feelings, and think about yourself first. If you always accept negative emotions, you will be affected. You can have a good communication with your mother and tell her that you need some quiet time to rest and recuperate. Give your baby a quiet environment and prepare yourself to be a qualified new mother. I believe your mother will understand you.

3. How to take care of your mother. If you can't often accompany your mother, you can buy her things and help her with chores. If your mother is willing, you can also suggest that she get some small pets.

If your father is often away, your mother needs emotional support. She is now isolated and bored, so her mood is depressed.

If she is in the menopause stage, she is likely to experience anxiety and other problems. Many menopausal women are prone to emotional instability. You can arrange for your mother to have a physical examination.

I also suggest your mother see a psychiatrist to check her mental health. Anxiety disorder causes tension, restlessness, and problems with the body's functions. Help your mother rule out mental and psychological problems.

Your mother trusts you and sees you as a close friend. She often complains to you about things from the past that made her angry. It's possible that you triggered her psychological trauma in her early years. She may have some maladaptive emotional reactions, so you're afraid to tell her about your own things.

Help your mother develop social interactions, cultivate hobbies, establish a sense of value after retirement, and adapt to lifestyle changes.

The Yi Xinli platform has audio recordings of relaxation exercises you can do with your mother to help relieve her stress. You are a good mother and daughter, and I hope you can get along with your mother harmoniously.

Dear question asker, I am honored to have the opportunity to address your question.

From your description, I can sense the pressure and distress in your heart. On the one hand, you hope to be a filial daughter; on the other hand, you are a little overwhelmed by your pregnancy and want to take care of yourself more. This situation puts you in a difficult position, and you're unsure of the best course of action.

☞ Life's challenges

Everyone has their own life issues. From what you've shared, it seems that you hold a particularly important place in your mother's heart and are her preferred confidant. This may have led to some pressure and dissatisfaction in your communication and interactions with your mother. At the same time, you know that this is her life issue, and you suggest that she cultivate some hobbies. Perhaps the current results have not met your expectations, but it might be worth waiting and seeing what happens. Change often comes without notice.

It would be beneficial for you to take care of yourself.

From what I can see, you are a very filial daughter. As an only child, you have the great responsibility of taking care of your parents. However, you also have another helper in your marriage, your husband. You might like to consider taking your husband back with you, having dinner and chatting together. This could be helpful in your situation.

It is important to remember that taking care of yourself is our top priority, especially given that you are also a mother-to-be. Hormone instability during pregnancy can naturally affect our emotions, so it is understandable that taking care of yourself might not be possible at this time. You could consider telling your mother that you are unable to do it yourself and suggest ways you could support her, such as calling or chatting on the phone or visiting once or twice a month. This could help her to gradually adjust to your new circumstances.

The above represents only my personal opinions, and I hope they will be of some help and inspiration to you.

I'm grateful for your advice.