What should I do if I forgive my ex-husband for cheating on me, but my current husband gets angry?

Good morning, my name is Fly, and I am a heart detective coach.

He offers you a hug in sympathy, and you feel aggrieved and innocent. With your former partner, you were the victim of infidelity and emotional distress, and you chose to forgive him, but the relationship ultimately ended in a separation.

My current boyfriend is still very upset about this, criticizing you for having no principles and not sticking to your initial position. He is even so angry that he says he no longer respects you as he used to.

Firstly, I would like to reassure you that this is not your fault. Nobody has the right to deny your value, belittle your character or dignity.

Secondly, upon observation of your current partner's emotions, it will become evident that he is not targeting you. However, due to his sensitivity and jealousy, he may perceive a violation of his sovereignty. Let us examine this further:

Dear You have encountered a significant challenge in your intimate relationship.

In the context of romantic relationships, emotions can often be perceived as selfish. Even if a partner's past is not directly relevant to the current relationship, learning about it can be seen as an infringement on their sense of sovereignty. This can lead to significant distress and a lack of tolerance for infidelity.

It is inevitable that everyone has a past. As the host Wang Xiaoya once said, "Life is long, and everyone has experienced a few unsavory individuals."

In the context of an intimate relationship, there are many aspects that are understood implicitly. As long as they are not disclosed directly, the other party will perceive you as having authority over them. Revealing this information could have a significant impact on the relationship.

It would be beneficial for you to mature and grow at this time. In an intimate relationship, it is advisable to avoid discussing the past. It is important not to overestimate the other person's psychological tolerance or their understanding and generosity towards you.

Furthermore, your past is not his concern, and he should prioritize your present and future. While you comprehend his emotional response, you must not tolerate such disrespectful behavior.

It is not productive to engage in conflict or to allow resentment to fester. It is recommended that you engage in open and honest communication, express your understanding of his emotions, but also express your views and feelings.

2. It is important to maintain an intimate connection in the relationship while also maintaining your independent self.

The idiom "a girl in love has an IQ of 0" is not intended to imply that she is lacking in intelligence. Rather, it reflects her complete devotion to her romantic interest and her tendency to view the other person as the center of her world.

This approach to love can easily be misguided and leave no room for error. Once you are hurt, you will definitely be left with nothing, because you have lost yourself in love.

You are the most valuable asset. When we prioritize self-care and self-love, we are better equipped to nurture healthy relationships. Reflect on your past experiences. Did your previous partners initially seek you out because they admired you?

After spending time together, do you still appreciate the same qualities in him as you did at the beginning? What factors contributed to the development of a gap between two people who clearly love each other?

An equal relationship is more sustainable. Regardless of the promises made by the other party, it is important to remember that you are an independent entity and do not belong to anyone.

It is important to remember that maintaining a close relationship still requires an independent self-section. When you focus on investing in yourself, you can naturally attract opportunities without being tethered to a single source.

"If Only I Knew Before Marriage" is a comprehensive guide to navigating the complexities of love and marriage. I highly recommend it as a valuable resource for anyone seeking insights on fostering a fulfilling relationship.

I hope the above is helpful to you, and I wish you well.

Should you wish to continue the conversation, please click on "Find a Heart Exploration Coach" in the lower right corner to initiate a chat.

Hello, I'm responding to your question.

From what you've said, it seems like your current partner is always trying to pry into your past. I think it's okay if we don't tell each other. Of course, if you decide to tell your partner, it might make him feel uncomfortable, which is normal.

It seems like you've told him about some of the things that happened before, but he doesn't respect you as much as he should. I think this is a boundary violation that he's done to you, which has made him think less of you with contempt. At the same time, I can see that his behavior of not respecting you like this shows that he doesn't love you, and that he thinks you have no bottom line.

My personal view is that

[1] Everyone has the right to not bring up the past.

Sometimes dwelling on the past only hurts ourselves and the other person. As a result, we may say things about the past that weren't nice, and others may form a bad opinion of us. No matter who the person is, we all have the right to not mention the past, or to find a suitable reason not to go on talking about it.

[2] Speak reasonably about your past.

It doesn't matter who it is. When they want to get to know us, they want to know about our past. But really, they just want to understand what kind of experiences and thoughts we had, or what kind of harm we suffered. It's also a way to get to know us. So if you tell someone about your own hurt, they may also treat you with the same hurt in the future. Human nature is complex and changeable, so we have to understand that some things can be said, and some things can be expressed reasonably. It's best not to say things that hurt us and things that we don't feel good about.

[3] Partners should respect each other and ask each other to explain behaviors that violate boundaries.

It's worth noting that when your partner asks about your ex, they're also comparing you to them. Men often have a high sense of self-esteem and want to show off their superior self-esteem, so comparisons are bound to happen. This is normal, but excessive questioning can also make us feel uncomfortable. It's important to protect our own boundaries and prevent others from infringing on them.

[4] Have your own principles and bottom line, and be confident in yourself and your ability to think independently.

Even if we've been in a relationship before, we need to understand what we've learned from it, what we need to think about, and how to protect ourselves. We need to see our past experiences, absorb them, be confident in ourselves and our abilities, and learn to respect ourselves.

Finally, intimacy requires mutual independence, mutual respect, and mutual trust. What's done is done, and dwelling on the past won't help. We also need to understand that we are living in the present, appreciate the present, and manage this intimate relationship well. We can learn lessons to improve our management skills, but also believe in ourselves, learn to respect ourselves, improve our self-esteem, establish our own boundaries, and protect ourselves.

I hope you find these suggestions helpful.

Hello, my name is Strawberry.

I can see the questioner's sadness and I'm here to support you. Everyone wants to be loved exclusively by their partner and everyone wants to have a happy love. When you meet someone like the ex, the questioner didn't know from the beginning that he was like that and may have deceived themselves.

When there is an emotional attachment, even if you know it is wrong, it can sometimes be challenging to let go of it. The questioner may be trying to give the relationship another chance in the hope that things can return to the way they were before the betrayal.

It might be helpful to try to accept yourself.

After trying for a period of time, the questioner finally chose to break up, which suggests that the questioner has come to understand their own inner choice. The physical resistance also indicates that the questioner is still struggling to forgive the actions of the ex. This is the questioner's view of love: when two people are together, and the other person betrays them, it is challenging for the questioner to accept it.

During the period of trying, the question owner was simply trying to prove that love can withstand all reality. Only by trying can you know. In one's own view of relationships, one tries to allow others to respect the principles one has set out.

It seems that the current boyfriend is not aware of the full truth of the matter. During the course of listening, he may have formed the impression that the questioner is not loving herself, which could be a misunderstanding. The questioner's willingness to remain in a relationship with the ex-boyfriend may have influenced his perspective. It's possible that he may come to understand the situation differently with a more open mind.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that there is nothing wrong with oneself for daring to try and face it. In fact, such a self is worthy of love and acceptance.

It would be beneficial to consider the issue from another perspective.

From the current one, who keeps pursuing the topic owner's ex-boyfriend and always likes to compare who the topic owner likes better. This could be a sign of his lack of self-confidence. He cares a lot about it, and it could even be said that he is jealous of the ex-boyfriend. After learning that the topic owner was cheated on by the ex-boyfriend three times and they were still together for a while, he may believe that the topic owner loves the ex-boyfriend so much that she is willing to continue being together even after being hurt.

He continued to inquire about the specifics of his relationship with his former partner. Upon learning of the ways in which his former partner had treated the questioner with disrespect, he would show respect in those same ways to the questioner. This behavior may appear intentional, as if the questioner is meant to draw a comparison.

From time to time, the blows and the instilling of one's own ideas into the questioner may seem like expressions of concern and love for the questioner. However, from the words, I understand that the current one is digging into the questioner's wounds, sprinkling salt from time to time to let the questioner know that I love them and that they are worthy of love from others.

Such behavior can also lead the questioner to question their own worth and doubt their ability to receive love.

I would like to suggest that the questioner consider waking up in time to avoid falling into the trap that the current partner has dug for them. Given that the questioner has been hurt in a previous relationship, it might be helpful to focus on healing with love rather than digging deeper to continue hurting the questioner.

It is important to respect yourself.

Each of us has the right to make our own choices, regardless of whether we ultimately regret them. The questioner is well-informed about their own choice and is willing to invest time in proving it. However, in the current context, the questioner may have lost their way, feeling that this choice is wrong and that they are not respecting themselves.

It's important to remember that men and women think differently, and everyone looks at things from a different perspective. By understanding your own emotions, you'll be better equipped to approach the situation from a place of understanding. The current person is not the question owner, but rather, he is in a position to look at the problem from his own perspective. This means that the words he speaks may not fully represent the question owner's views, and it's not his place to force his ideas upon the question owner.

Sometimes, when our emotions are all mixed up, it can be challenging to remain calm and think clearly. In these moments, it can be helpful to find a quiet space, enjoy a drink you enjoy, and take a moment to collect your thoughts.

Once you feel your mood has calmed down, you might like to take out a piece of paper and pen, write down the questions that confuse you one by one, and then look at the questions to find the answers. It's possible that we already know the answers to many questions, but our emotions have just confused our thoughts and answers. If you feel so inclined, you could follow your heart's choice and truly respect yourself.

It would be beneficial for the questioner to gain more insight into how to manage intimate relationships more effectively, which in turn would help them to better resolve the issues they have with their partners. We would suggest reading 'Managing Intimate Relationships' and 'Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships' as they contain valuable advice on this topic.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best regards,

Hi, I'm June.

Your boyfriend is obsessed with your past relationships, and you don't want to talk about them. He won't let it go, which makes you feel bad. You also doubt whether you are worthy of love.

I think you're obsessed with your ex.

My current boyfriend is sensitive about my ex-boyfriend because I was cheated on. I don't like talking about my ex with my current boyfriend, but he nags me about things like who I liked more.

When I read this, I thought you still have feelings for your ex. Otherwise, you can say, "I was ignorant and chose the wrong person."

"Fortunately, I have now met the right person."

Why tell your current partner the details of your relationship with your ex instead of "slandering" your ex?

I know I'm cheap and disrespectful. I want to forgive my ex even though they cheated on me. Maybe I'm just used to them.

You're used to the other person's company, so you don't want to leave.

You felt loved in that relationship, so you didn't want to speak ill of the other person. But you couldn't get past it, so you broke up.

You have social morality and your values are not biased. You chose to forgive when you first found out you had been "thirded" because human emotions are not a switch.

How can you stop loving someone?

My current boyfriend asked if I'd forgive him if he cheated. I said I didn't know. He said I'd better not. If I cheated, he'd never want to see me again.

Your current boyfriend is suffering because he knows you haven't let go of your ex. He's even asking if you'll forgive him if he cheats on you.

If you answer firmly, you've let go of your ex. But if you're unsure, you still have feelings for him. You can't be firm if you have distracting thoughts.

He minds the cold war with my current boyfriend, so he doesn't think you're worthy of love and respect.

The current cold war between you two is inevitable. No one likes being the backup plan.

You couldn't stand being a "third" at first.

Your current spouse respects you and teaches you to hate the other person. This shows that your current spouse loves you.

If you think you're worthy of love, let go of the past. I believe you'll find someone there all along.

I wish you happiness!