What should I do if I lack confidence in self-change and feel deeply powerless?

Hello, question asker!

I've read your question over and over, and I can see you're a bright, talented student at a top university. I'm sure you're surrounded by friends and classmates who are just as brilliant as you are. But it seems like you're still struggling a bit. I'm here to tell you that you're not alone. I've been there, and I know how it feels. I'm sending you lots of hugs and love!

I noticed you said you grew up in a single-parent family and were taught that you had to work hard. I can just imagine you in primary and secondary school, racing against the clock, working hard, and being a very, very good child. I bet it was such a proud moment for your small family when you were admitted to this school.

When you started university, you and your group of proud students from different places met up and started your studies at the same level again. Since you come from different provinces and have different previous learning habits, there are bound to be different results in the same class. I can see that you should be able to maintain the learning habits you had in high school in university, but you are not very satisfied with the results. You feel that you are not using your potential to the full with your average grades. Seeing that others are constantly brushing up on their studies, you feel restless and blame yourself for not trying 100%.

I can see that you're pushing yourself really hard, and I admire that! But when it comes to those outstanding classmates, I think you might be being a bit unfair. I don't know about you, but I couldn't work every weekend without a break!

You've been brushing up on your knowledge! Oh, maybe you have!

If you look at it accurately, if there really is, then we have become human willpower. There is indeed a size, and we still let physical health first. We can't compare with this classmate today, weekend brushing questions, tomorrow to another classmate to compare their grades. If you always take their own shortcomings to different students to compare, then we will definitely be very sad all the time.

I can also see that you have already thought of many ways to improve your situation, which is great! When I see you repeatedly changing strategies to change yourself, I feel that you really deserve to be a college student at a key university. In front of you, I feel that it is redundant to say anything, but I just wanted to say how proud I am of you! You have learned psychology knowledge to improve yourself through yourself, which is so impressive! Your learning ability is so strong!

You've helped yourself so much, but I can see you're still not satisfied. It seems to me that you're also a bit demanding and a bit harsh on yourself, which is totally normal!

Furthermore, any method we try is not going to have an immediate effect after a month or two. It can only be achieved by long-term perseverance. It's just like the saying goes, "Distance tests a horse's strength, time reveals a person's heart." You've got this! As long as you keep trying and don't get discouraged, you will definitely be better today than yesterday, and better tomorrow than today.

I have a funny question for you. You said you spent all your time on lowbrow pursuits. What do you mean by that? I don't see any other problems you've described here!

I'm curious, why do you say that about yourself? I always feel that the lowbrow things you mention are just things you've blamed on yourself because you've found that you're not at the top. Is it because it feels a bit unfair?

I have a question for you, too. You say that not many people around you can understand you. What do you want them to understand? They understand that you have tried many times, but you haven't achieved the goal you want. They know that you have tried your best and praise you for it. They want others to see the hardworking you. I think that studying psychology on your own has also given you a lot of understanding. In psychology, you are also required to accept your own situation, not to beg for others' understanding.

So, let's just think this way: you are in a key university with average grades, and you are still not satisfied? What about people who go to ordinary universities?

What about those classmates who can't get into college? It's so sad when that happens. You have to know that students from key universities are leaders in various fields.

You, who may become a leader in the field in the future, must not allow yourself to be abused like this. Just think of ways to keep struggling, just as you described in your question. It's okay, we'll rest after we're tired of struggling, and we'll continue to struggle after we've rested. I believe that even you, who have always had average grades, are better today than yesterday, and tomorrow will be better than the day after tomorrow. You've got this!

Your future is going to be absolutely amazing! Keep up the great work, outstanding college student. The future is yours for the taking!

And don't forget, the world and I love you!

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your question. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

Many people of different ages and occupations have recently experienced confusion regarding the ability to lie flat and the sensation of fatigue. How should we adjust? Let's discuss the best way forward.

Why is it so difficult to simply relax? I come from a single-parent family and was brought up to work hard.

In single-parent families, the child often becomes the parent's (or parents') sole source of hope and future aspirations. This can create a significant sense of responsibility and accountability. The child may be aware that their success and future depend on the parent's hard work and ability to perform well.

Additionally, external factors can influence performance. For instance, students may observe classmates who excel academically and aspire to match their level of achievement.

The perception that others are working harder than you can lead to anxiety.

Based on the aforementioned two points, we are forced to choose internal burnout and study hard.

Despite the ability to persevere for a month with a highly intensive study plan, burnout can prevent individuals from maintaining this level of commitment over an extended period. This can result in feelings of immense pain and self-blame. Factors contributing to an inability to persevere for extended periods may include:

(1) Insufficient internal drive

Internal drive refers to the internal motivation to achieve a specific objective. When the motivation is strong, it is easier to overcome challenges and reach the goal. When the motivation is lacking, it is more likely to result in a lack of persistence.

As previously stated, external factors such as family education and the influence of the surrounding environment cannot be ignored. It is essential to assess whether there is a genuine desire to learn from within.

In other words, regardless of family background or external circumstances, we must be prepared to work hard and take responsibility for our own actions.

At any time, only a change that is driven by genuine passion and commitment is sufficient to ensure perseverance in the pursuit of a task.

(2) The rationality of the learning plan

Research indicates that the likelihood of attaining a goal is inversely correlated with the difficulty of the goal. If the goal is too straightforward, it can be achieved with minimal effort, which may lead to a loss of motivation. Conversely, if the goal is excessively challenging, it may result in a lack of motivation due to the perceived difficulty.

Setting a goal that is moderately challenging is an effective motivational strategy that leads to success.

If the goal set by the questioner is considered "difficult" by himself, it falls into the latter category. If it is too difficult and there is no hope in the process, he will abandon the goal. This is an instinctive self-protective measure.

The human brain also has a tendency to become less engaged and, at times, provides a silent reminder that the task at hand is too challenging.

The strategy is to adjust the difficulty and learning methods according to the specific circumstances of the individual. The ability to recognize and acknowledge one's own progress is a key motivator in maintaining a high level of effort.

(3) Allow for occasional periods of rest and recuperation.

After prolonged periods of intense mental exertion, the brain begins to fatigue. When we feel the need to relax, our body sends us a signal to rest.

At this juncture, it is advisable to alter one's environment and engage in relaxation. For instance, one might consider going for a run, visiting the gym, or attending a movie.

It is important to allow our brains to recuperate.

Research indicates that learning after exercise is more effective. The questioner may wish to consider this approach.

(4) Self-encouragement and self-comfort

When faced with challenges in your studies, it is important to learn to provide yourself with comfort and motivation. It is beneficial to focus on the learning process and to avoid becoming overly concerned with the outcome of your efforts.

When we can lie down without worry or rest without anxiety, we can alleviate feelings of self-blame and pain.

I hope this information is useful to you. Best regards,

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can see that you sometimes feel lost and powerless. However, you also have a good ability to observe and the courage to actively seek solutions, which I admire.

Tell me what happened that made you feel so much.

You can tell when you don't feel this way. When you don't feel this way, what are you doing? What is the environment like? Who are you with?

Tell me, what is it like when you don't feel this way?

From your description, it's clear you've tried very hard. Regarding the wool skirt, you need to figure out whether this effort comes from the heart or is due to pressure from your family.

From your description, I can also feel the internal conflict and contradiction in you. You know what you should be doing, but you can't do it yourself. When you see others doing it, it makes you feel uncomfortable. That's right.

Your description shows you have been trying hard to find a method that suits you.

There are many things in life that we cannot do, and things are beautiful. I know you have tried very hard, and you will find ways to change and breakthroughs.

If, by some miracle, this uncomfortable feeling disappears, what difference would it make to you? You need to ask yourself what you have done to make this uncomfortable feeling disappear.

You need to ask yourself, who will notice that you have changed?

You are on the path to change when you become aware of it and keep trying. It just takes a little time. You will make progress, even if it is slow.

I'm going to give you some tips that will help you relieve your bad mood.

First, accept yourself.

Everyone in life is imperfect and unique. You are who you are, no matter what you are or what you do. If you want to change, accept your current situation, accept yourself, tolerate yourself, and allow yourself. Only then can you calm your mind. When your mind is calm, you can do what you want to do.

Second, you must learn to look inward when compared to others.

From your whole description, whether it is about your family of origin or your changes, you always look outward. You always see the good points in others, even though you know you have worked hard and done well. You often ignore this. Is that right?

Many bad feelings are caused by comparing with others, which is normal. Everyone has this kind of comparison in mind to a greater or lesser extent. However, if it gives us a very uncomfortable feeling, we must stop that kind of comparison. We should compare ourselves with ourselves, and we should learn to look inwardly at our inner strengths, rather than just seeing the strengths of others. Only when we see our own changes and our own strengths will we have more strength to change and act in the future.

You must learn to release negative emotions.

It's normal to have emotions, but it's important to recognize that their accumulation over time can have a significant impact on our well-being. It's essential to learn to release the anxiety and fear that weigh us down so that we can be ready to embrace positivity.

For example, exercise more. When we exercise, our brain secretes dopamine, which makes us feel happy. Talk to someone, keep a diary, go on a trip—do whatever you need to vent your emotions.

Use positive mental suggestions and believe in the power of accumulation.

From your description, I can see that you have tried to change and adjust yourself in various ways, which is great. However, we should not be in a hurry. Believing in the power of accumulation is key. The effect cannot be achieved overnight; it will only be achieved little by little after accumulation over time. So here, you can use your own psychological hints to adjust our mentality, so that we believe in ourselves and the power of accumulation. This will be of some help to us.

You will heal. Life has a way of healing those who are willing to be healed. You just have to keep looking, think less, do more, go out and take action, and control yourself. You will get better and better.

Hello, the questioner who wants to move forward.

You said you come from a single-parent family and were taught to work hard. I tried to imagine your upbringing.

First, in a single-parent family, we often lack love, hard work, etc. But you put her first, and I think you're carrying emotional pressure that should have belonged to your father or mother. We're pushed into that position and want to do something about it.

Your motivation comes from your unconscious mind. You may have felt more pressure than your classmates earlier.

This is related to the family environment and our personality. From your description, I can tell you are a person with delicate emotions. People like us are more likely to be bound by emotions and will unconsciously want to give.

When we leave home and go to a better school, our stress disappears. We want to make up for lost time and be happy again. This does not mean you were lazy.

The alarm has been set off. We are using a state that returns to instinct and is close to our nature: happy, relaxed, contented... You are catching up on missed lessons.

I don't know what your lowbrow interests are. If I'm right, they're important for our survival, so you shouldn't be ashamed of them.

Second, I'm curious about how you learned before. Did you do it on your own or did your parents help you? If they helped you, you'll have a hard time doing it on your own.

When you can't stick to it, you feel bad. You feel like you're losing, not gaining. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself. You feel worse about yourself

If you don't want to learn, just allow yourself to feel down. It's okay if it lasts a long time. You can keep the status quo. Every day, ask yourself: If I keep feeling down, what is the worst that can happen?

Just stick with it for seven days.

You may ask, "What's the trick? What kind of change can this bring?"

Read Li Songwei's "5% Change" if you're curious. Follow his WeChat account if you're just mildly curious.

What I said above is just a copy. I don't know if it will help you, but I have been warmed and allowed to.

I hope we can all be brave and be ourselves.

Hello, question asker! I'm Evan.

From what the questioner has said, it seems that he was able to learn well at home, but when he went to university, he found it difficult to keep up his motivation without his family's support. This has led to some negative feelings about his studies, which in turn make it hard for him to keep going.

I'd love to help you understand where these negative emotions come from. Did they gradually develop under the pressure of academic studies? Or did the questioner fall into a feeling of lack of motivation after being removed from the supervision of the original family?

And give the questioner a little boost by giving him a pat on the shoulder. The questioner simply described how he avoided studying, without going into detail about the situation. When did this situation start?

I'd love to know if there have been similar situations before, and how the questioner got through them.

It's totally normal to have these negative thoughts sometimes. They can really get in the way and make us feel down. But we can learn how to spot them and change them into something more positive.

You've got this! As long as you can make it through this current challenge, you'll be just fine in the future.

I'm really sorry, but since the question was asked on the platform, we can't go into much detail about it. I can only give the questioner a little advice on how to deal with the negative emotions that arise:

It would be really helpful for you to find out what those disturbing negative thoughts are.

It's totally normal to have negative thoughts pop up sometimes, especially when we're facing challenges or making big decisions. But it's also important to recognize that not all negative thoughts are created equal. Some are easy to spot, while others might be a bit more elusive.

It can be really helpful to keep a record of any negative emotions you're feeling. Just jot them down in a few words!

Let's find out what's making the questioner feel negative emotions like avoidance and procrastination. It could be that they don't want to study because they think they're not as good as others at their studies, and they always choose to avoid their studies. Where does this pressure come from?

It's totally normal to feel like you're not doing well in school or that you can't get into the right state of mind for studying. But it's important to remember that you can always do well in school, even if you're not feeling 100% ready. So, where do these ideas come from?

It's important to remember that these negative thoughts are actually pretty common. They can take the form of overgeneralization, jumping to conclusions, or being too extreme. The good news is that you can identify which negative thoughts you're falling into.

Let's stop those negative emotions!

Once you understand where your negative emotions come from, you can cheer yourself up and overcome them! For example, when you wake up in the morning and you feel like it's going to be a rough start to the day, just acknowledge your negative thoughts and tell yourself that it's going to be okay. The morning might not feel great, but it'll get better after a while!

When you're feeling down, try not to dwell on your negative emotions. Instead, focus on something positive. Over time, you'll get into the habit of thinking more positively, and your outlook will change.

It's so important to find the source of negative emotions.

I'm so sorry you're feeling down. I'd love to help you figure out what's going on. Is it the worry about studying, or the high expectations of the family for your studies? Or is it the confusion and disorientation of the whole life?

It's really important to take a good, close look at what's going on for you. Try to find out exactly what's making you feel like you can't face things, and write it all down.

It's so important to try to understand what's making the questioner feel negative emotions. Once we know that, we can start to work out what's causing those emotions in the first place. Let's say the questioner feels like they're avoiding studying. Apart from their emotions, what else might be getting in the way of the questioner's studies?

It's totally normal to feel like you can't study. I wonder if the questioner is feeling pressure from their family to study more than they're comfortable with? It's important to remember that everyone learns at their own pace. When the family's expectations can't be met, it can be hard to keep going. It's okay to feel like you want to rebel against the past learning process.

It's only when you figure out the root cause of your true emotions that you can come up with a coping strategy based on your own situation.

Right now, focus on the problem you want to solve the most.

It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed when you're learning to delay and avoid, or when you're dealing with issues in the family of origin, negative emotions, and other things. One way to help you feel more in control is to write down what you need to do on a piece of paper.

Then, it's time to rank the importance of things according to how you feel. This is an important step because it helps you identify the problem you're most ready to tackle.

Once you've identified the problem you want to solve most, it's time to see if there's a way for you to solve it yourself. If you can't solve it yourself, don't worry! You can always ask a friend or teacher for help.

The state is really paying attention to students' mental health now, and schools will have a psychologist. You can talk to the psychologist about your problems and see if they can help. Remember, there are always more solutions than problems!

And remember, every day is a new day to start off on the right foot!

Start your day off right with a smile! When you wake up in the morning, think of five happy things first.

There are so many happy little things in life that can brighten your day! Think about the nice song you heard yesterday, the great movie you watched, the delicious tea you're drinking today, or even that amazing purchase you made yesterday. These are the things that can help you start your day off right!

A positive mindset is the foundation of starting a new day, and it'll make it much harder for negative emotions to take root!

It might feel a little silly at first, but studies have shown that saying positive things out loud makes you believe what you're saying. This can help you feel happier and more focused, and it can also help you avoid having too many negative thoughts.

It's okay to seek outside help.

If you feel like the above methods aren't working for you, it's okay to reach out to a professional psychologist or counselor for some extra support. The questioner mentioned in their narrative that they're already seeing a psychologist, which is great! But, they're not sure how to bring it up. Don't worry, there's no shame in seeking help. The questioner can try describing their negative emotions to these professionals. They can be as honest and open as they'd like, because these interventions are confidential.

Please explain clearly how these negative emotions make you feel, describe how these emotions generally strike, and how you respond. If necessary, please feel free to maintain ongoing communication with these professionals until these negative emotions no longer affect you.

I really hope my answer can help the questioner!

Hello, I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

You've been doing great! You've been trying hard to find a way forward, to make progress and grow. Keep up the good work. Don't be too hard on yourself, and don't doubt yourself. Understand why you're feeling this way, and believe that you can get better and better. I think the reason you're doubting yourself now is related to the high-intensity study plan you set for yourself before. When we set goals that are too difficult and too big, we feel overwhelmed and have a hard time procrastinating and continuing to persevere and complete them. This is not in line with the principles of setting goals.

So, when you rely on your willpower to persevere, you'll find it's actually limited. You'll start giving in to indulgence. When habits are broken, the order of life will be disrupted, and you'll slowly lose confidence in yourself. After a few failures, you'll also develop a sense of "learned helplessness," feeling that it's difficult for you to change. But the truth is, as long as you want to change, you really can still change. It depends on you, not other people.

My advice to you is:

1. When we see how "learned helplessness" affects us, we understand why we feel like "this is just the way it is." The good news is that this cycle can be broken.

Professor Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, conducted a classic experiment called the "learned helplessness" experiment.

In the experiment, Seligman put the dog in a cage that it couldn't get out of, and he installed an electric shock device inside. The shock could hurt the dog a little, but it wouldn't hurt the dog itself.

In the experiment, Seligman put the dog in a cage that it couldn't get out of, and he put an electric shock device inside. The shock could hurt the dog a little, but it wouldn't hurt the dog itself.

As soon as the bell rang, the experimenter gave the dog an unbearable electric shock. During the experiment, it was found that when the dog was first shocked, it would struggle desperately to escape from the cage. However, after continuous efforts, it realized it couldn't escape by struggling on its own, so it gradually reduced the degree of its struggle.

After running a bunch of experiments, they put the dog in another cage. This one was made up of two parts separated by a partition. The partition was high enough for the dog to jump over easily. One side of the partition had an electric shock, while the other side didn't.

When the dog that had been through the previous experiment was put in this cage, after the bell rang, it didn't just stay on the side without electric shocks. It also fell to the ground, moaning and trembling in pain before the electric shocks even started. This is a classic example of learned helplessness.

In the experiment, the dogs were placed in a second cage where they could avoid the electric shock. But almost none of them did. They just lay on the ground and took it. This shows that they already had a deep-rooted

In the experiment, the dogs were placed in a second cage where they could actually get out of the electric shock. But almost none of them did. They just lay on the ground and took the shock. This shows that they already believed they couldn't get out, so they just had to endure the pain. They didn't see the opportunities and their own abilities around them.

We're actually the same. According to attribution theory, if we always blame failure on internal, stable, and uncontrollable abilities, we'll develop a sense of learned helplessness.

The truth is, we're all in the same boat. According to attribution theory, if we always blame failure on internal, unchangeable abilities, we'll develop a sense of learned helplessness.

So, is it really impossible for you to break this cycle and continue to enter a positive learning state? Of course not! A few failures don't mean you're doomed to fail forever. Just because it didn't work this time doesn't mean it won't work next time. As long as you believe in yourself and that you can get better and better, and as long as you are willing to try again and take positive actions, the results will really become positive.

It's important to understand and accept yourself, encourage and support yourself, and only if we believe we can, can we really do it.

Yes, negative beliefs can lead to negative behaviors, while positive beliefs can also lead to positive behaviors. This has been confirmed by many experiments in psychology.

For instance, there's a well-known experiment in psychology on positive beliefs called the "hope experiment."

In 1950, an experimenter put 12 mice in each cup filled with water to see how long they could last in the cup. They found that they could survive in the water for an average of 15 minutes. Later, the experimenter selected 12 more mice. This time, when the mice were about to sink to the bottom, the experimenter fished them out one by one, dried them, let them rest for a few minutes, and then put them back in the water. They found that these mice could last in the water for 60 hours.

From 15 minutes to 60 hours, it's nothing short of a miracle. How did the later mice manage to persist for so long?

They also have an inner belief that if they just keep trying, they'll definitely be saved. And so they work this miracle.

They also have an inner belief that if they just keep trying, they'll definitely be saved.

Have you noticed that changing our behavior often starts with changing our beliefs? When we don't believe in ourselves, it's natural to find it difficult to succeed. But when we believe in ourselves enough, we become more active and positive behavior often leads to positive results.

3. We should make a learning plan that works for us. It's not about comparing ourselves to others. It's about understanding our own learning rhythm. When you're realistic and focus on achievable goals, you'll feel better and better.

Research shows that only moderately challenging goals can motivate us. If the goal is too big or too small, it won't be effective. If the goal is too big or too difficult, we'll feel overwhelmed and won't be able to complete it. This will make us resistant and cause us to give up. If the goal is too small, we'll feel like we've achieved nothing, so we won't bother trying. This will make us unmotivated.

The kind of goal that you can achieve with a bit of effort, the kind of goal that you can reach if you put your mind to it, the kind of goal that you can pick with a little extra effort, it's a bit more challenging than what we're currently doing, but it's something that we can fully achieve with a bit of hard work. Such a goal can really motivate us internally, and it's also easy for us to stick with it until we complete it.

For instance, you can assess your current level of learning. Let's say you can memorize an average of 15 words a day. It'd be too ambitious to set a goal of memorizing 30 words a day. It'd also be too easy to set a goal of memorizing 5 words a day. You need to set a goal of memorizing about 18-20 words a day. This is something you can improve and achieve through your own efforts.

And so on. You can set up your own daily learning checklist based on your own level and ability, including all the things you need to learn. When you feel a bit overwhelmed, adjust it to the right level until you feel motivated and capable to complete it. And when you've finished each task on your own, just tick it off and give yourself a pat on the back to acknowledge your dedication and hard work.

You can also treat yourself to something nice after you've done the tasks for a week in a row. This can give you a bit of a boost and help you to keep up the motivation and enthusiasm for learning.

I hope this is useful for you. Best wishes!

From childhood to adulthood, you've been taught to work hard. This has become second nature to you. When you were admitted to a C9 university, and everyone around you was studying like crazy, taking weekend naps, and cramming all day long, you can imagine how much psychological pressure you were under. Feelings of powerlessness, frustration, self-denial, and self-doubt flooded your mind and overwhelmed you.

I hope that what I'm sharing here can help you think about how to deal with the current difficulties in a way that works for you and find an effective way to deal with them.

First, moderate stress and anxiety are what get you moving, while excessive stress and anxiety become a burden.

The hard work you put in from childhood to adulthood must have brought some benefits. You can get into C9 and live and study in the top universities in the country. And such benefits will also be magnified by your classmates' endless drilling, while at the same time causing you panic in the face of peer competition.

You don't want to be like them. At the beginning, you also set up a high-intensity study plan and stuck to it for a month, but it ended in a state of misery. Afterwards, it caused a rebound, destroying the original habits and indulging yourself. This is a reminder of the irrationality of such high-intensity study plans.

When we're caught up in and affected by such a state, our instinct is to just escape. Any intense work that goes against the laws of the body will lead to unsustainability because, before achievement, there is the health of the body and the vitality of life.

If we can get anxiety and stress back to a moderate state, it'll give people more energy to deal with the challenges of learning. This has been proven in the Yerkes-Dodson law: there's an inverse U-shaped curve between the intensity of motivation and work efficiency.

Simply put, when motivation is at the right level, work efficiency is at its best. When motivation is too low, enthusiasm for the task at hand is lacking, and work efficiency suffers. When motivation is excessive, anxiety and tension rise, affecting memory and other cognitive processes.

2. If you focus on the process rather than the result, you'll be able to immerse yourself in the activity itself.

From what you've said, it's clear you're good at reflecting on yourself and learning from your mistakes. After struggling with a high-intensity willpower learning plan, you switched to a more gradual approach and developed your interests and direction.

This shift is a great way to make some positive changes.

At the same time, you might also notice a desire for change, which makes such adjustments seem "insufficient."

The most important thing about developing a hobby is to focus on the task at hand and the present moment. The result is a nice bonus, and immersing yourself in the present moment gives you the chance to experience "flow," which is when you're fully focused on a task and feeling excited and fulfilled.

I believe that when you're in a flow state, you're happier and more engaged in the task at hand. The results you want often come naturally.

Finally, shift your focus from external comparisons to internal motivation, and work through any anxiety-induced self-doubt.

Everyone grows at different speeds. Just as a blade of grass grows quickly, it can't reach the height of a towering tree. If you focus on your own internal development level, you'll be better able to cope with the internal panic caused by the inconsistent growth rates of your peers.

Take a horizontal comparison and turn it into a vertical comparison of yourself. See what changes you've made since then. If you're not sure, start by adjusting your views on yourself and peer pressure in the present, and experience and feel the extraordinary self while immersed in the specific things you do.

I hope this sharing is inspiring for you.

I'm a psychotherapist, not a human nature expert. I just care about the human heart. Best of luck to you.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and true to myself.

Choose the path that suits you.

I can see you're struggling. You work hard and want to improve, but it always ends in failure. You keep looking for a way out, but you're getting more confused.

Single-parent families can affect a child's character, but we can't say they're all bad. Good and bad are different.

I hope you don't doubt yourself.

After asking for help and not getting it, you started to doubt yourself. But no matter what, we need to understand ourselves and keep going. Otherwise, we'll just get frustrated.

Advice:

Learning is partly talent, partly hard work, and partly learning methods. The learning methods we should have at different stages of learning should be different. In primary school, high school, and university, our learning methods need to be adjusted to keep up with the pace of the curriculum.

The more advanced the learning, the more we need to learn with others. We need to understand this, and it is also a way to solve our current problems.

Don't be sad about temporary setbacks. We can solve problems ourselves. This helps us become better people.

Best wishes!

First, answer these two questions:

1. You must ask yourself if you truly want to change from the bottom of your heart.

2. How much are you willing to pay to change?

Answer these two questions correctly and then decide if you want to change who you are. If you do, then let's continue.

All changes will be reflected in a change of thinking. They will be presented as a change in your attitude towards the world. Your values and your view of and thinking about problems will change. This will cause your behavior to change. It will get you the results you want.

Second, real change requires a long and complex process. Both deconstruction and reconstruction require a lot of hard work.

If you want to change yourself in one go, you're setting yourself up for failure. You need to go through five stages:

First, there's the imbalance of the status quo.

Something is wrong. Work, relationships, studies, your emotional state, or your mental state are all out of balance. You feel lost, trying to find a new balance. If you look for change, you will find it difficult because you are trying to break your existing balance and step out of your comfort zone.

If you don't want to change, change is going to be difficult for you.

Secondly, external factors will stimulate you.

External factors may be your perceived inadequacies, the perceived excellence of others, or a lesson, book, or video that resonates with you and alerts you. These will disrupt the balance of your system and impact your original value system, attempting to deconstruct you.

It will only move from the conscious to the subconscious when it touches your innermost being.

The third stage is the chaos stage.

When external factors disrupt habitual thinking, the mind must undergo a period of rejection before internalization is complete. You must realize that the old ways of handling things, such as arguing, cold-shouldering, feeling inferior, pleasing others, and avoiding problems, no longer work.

This is a painful and confusing stage. You will get through it.

Fourth, the integration stage.

You will only begin to integrate after a complex psychological struggle. You must process old experiences and new ways of thinking to create a new value system for yourself.

Not all integration is successful. You may agree at the conscious level, but the subconscious does not agree and does not internalize it. Rebuilding your own value system is the goal of the integration stage. This stage requires frequent introspection and mental suggestion.

Fifth, practice, practice, practice.

You must nourish this integrated system through constant practice and experience. This is the only way it can slowly learn to adapt and grow in social life until it is as large as your original experience system and has completed its rebirth with a new value system.

I want to be clear: change is a spiraling upward process. Progress under new stimuli may temporarily be ten steps, and because of the chaos and integration stages, it may take nine steps back. However, new value perceptions take one step forward.

Therefore, you must understand that change comes step by step, and there is no need to rush.

When a person is implanted with the belief that hard work is needed to exchange for a better life, hard work becomes the norm for them, and they cannot experience the joy of being relaxed. But there's another way!

And the best part is that hard work and diligence will make them feel less anxious!

And the best part is, when you're relaxed and happy, you don't feel guilty!

Even if they can do something easily and happily, they will find something difficult about it to make themselves feel that it is hard, to prove that they are not easy.

This is the amazing subconscious mechanism at work in people who are ready to heal and thrive!

As the title says, I come from a single-parent family and was taught from an early age that I needed to work hard. I am currently studying for a bachelor's degree at a C9 university, and I'm loving it! My grades are average, but I'm proud of myself for getting this far.

Children from single-parent families have the opportunity to see their mother or father's life as an example of resilience and strength.

When a mother or father has plenty of resilience, they will teach their children to work hard and strive to make their lives worthwhile and good!

And so, children will feel that life is a challenge, but also an exciting adventure!

The child sees the parents' hard work and is eager to repay them with their own hard work!

And at the same time, they are also full of anxiety about their own lives, which is totally normal!

And the best part is that it allows children to charge ahead and achieve success!

The possibilities are endless! Children may feel tired and insecure, and they may encounter some obstacles on the road to success that they cannot face.

Moreover, it is easy to get yourself all worked up and never rest.

You absolutely nailed it! Getting into a C9 university and achieving average grades is a huge accomplishment. You should be really proud of yourself for all your hard work and dedication to education and self-improvement. Keep up the great work!

Some of my outstanding classmates can study non-stop all weekend, cramming questions all day long. I sometimes want to follow their example, but making a highly intensive study plan can make me persevere for a month. This process is quite painful, but it's worth it in the end! I persevere only through sheer willpower, and it's a great feeling when I succeed. And then I indulge myself, destroying my previous habits.

The excellent students around you can do daily revision, which is in line with your belief in "the need to work hard" that you were taught. You think they are the role models you want to emulate, right?

Have you ever thought that their ability to persist in studying at a high intensity every day has something to do with their psychological state? It's an intriguing possibility!

Everyone has a different upbringing and a different state of mind, which makes life so exciting!

Some people can persevere for longer, while people with high internal conflict are unable to bear some excessive burdens.

Embrace self-indulgence! It's a crucial part of the journey. You've pushed yourself to the limit, and that's a great thing. You know you can only lift 80 pounds, but you've gone beyond that, carrying 100 pounds with gusto.

After a few such failures, I slowly stopped believing that I would have such strong willpower. But I changed my strategy and tried to make progress step by step! I felt like I was just going around in circles at first, but I kept going. And I still deceived myself into thinking that I would make progress tomorrow.

Some people say that you need to cultivate interests and have a direction. I already have a relatively clear direction, and I'm constantly trying to cultivate my interest in my subjects! I'm excited to see what changes I'll make next.

Willpower is built on the right amount of pressure, and it's an amazing feeling when you find that sweet spot!

And what you want is strong willpower!

When you don't believe in yourself, you're actually asking yourself to be a superhero!

You've got this! No one is omnipotent. Those who practice every day may do so with pain or with joy and ease, because they have no burden in their hearts. Besides, they may also be unable to do things in other areas, but that's okay!

When you feel frustrated, you change your strategy, which is also a fantastic display of your willpower!

And the great thing is, you can change flexibly without completely falling into the trap of pushing yourself into a dead end.

You might not see it yet, but your efforts to advance, retreat, and cultivate interests are paying off! You're taking it one step at a time, and that's the best way to get there. Keep up the great work!

I've studied some psychology knowledge about self-improvement, and I'm excited to put it into practice! Sometimes when I lie in bed and think about some classmates who didn't do as well as me when they entered school, but are now steadily improving by doing practice questions, while I still spend a lot of time on frivolous pursuits, I feel like I can do better. I feel that this is just how I am, and there are plenty of people around me who can understand me and help me succeed!

What should you do?

I'm thrilled you've found a direction that may be more effective: studying psychology!

But knowledge is your key to success! It'll show you what you need to do to achieve your goals. It'll take time and effort, but it'll be worth it in the end. You'll get out of the mindset that "you need to work hard."

You think that anything other than cramming for tests is frivolous, and you feel powerless when criticized for being frivolous. But here's the thing: those so-called "frivolous pursuits" are actually the most basic needs of the human being!

Just look at those classmates who used to have lower grades than you! They're now steadily improving.

I'd love for you to think about this: do you allow yourself to do poorly in your studies, to walk slowly and not hurry?

If you are like them, with results that are not as good as others and walking so slowly, think about what you could do to make a change!

Life can be easy, happy, and successful! The more you make yourself miserable, the more difficult and anxious it will be, and the less likely you are to do well and persevere. So let's make the choice to make our lives easier and happier!

I really hope you can adjust yourself according to your own situation. What you need may be to go slower and lighter, okay?

I really hope the above answers can help you!

I'm Yan Guilai, a psychological counselor, and I'm here to help! Wishing you the best!