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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Good morning, my name is Xin Tan and I am Coach Fei Yun.
From your description of yourself in words, I am reminded of a boy with a keen sense of perception, an ability to connect with others, and a humble nature.
Let's consider the topic of low self-esteem together.
Each of us is special in our own way, and that is a quality that should be celebrated.
Everyone can feel inferior at times. This is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, a certain degree of inferiority can often be a motivating factor in our lives, encouraging us to work harder and strive for improvement. If I'm not as physically attractive as others, I can choose to focus on other aspects of my personality and work on developing my strengths. Similarly, if I'm not as academically gifted as others, I can remind myself that with dedication and effort, I can still achieve success.
One possible cause of an inferiority complex is that we tend to compare ourselves to others, using their advantages as a reference. For instance, we might compare our wealth to that of Bill Gates, our body shape to that of Lin Chi-ling, or our emotional intelligence to that of Huang Bo.
It is often said that the "80/20 rule" applies in any situation. This suggests that 80% of people are ordinary and average. Even Jack Ma, who is worth hundreds of billions of dollars, is not perfect. Many people have commented on his appearance, suggesting it resembles that of an alien. Faye Wong, for instance, was reluctant to sing on the same stage with him. However, none of this has prevented him from becoming a highly successful individual in his own right.
It is therefore important to recognise that everyone has their own unique strengths and qualities, and that self-appreciation is key to accepting oneself.
If we don't even like ourselves and don't know how to appreciate ourselves, it may be challenging to expect others to like and love us too. Premier Zhou Enlai and Ms. Deng Yingchao fell in love not because of her beauty, but because they shared the same ideals and beliefs during the revolutionary era.
This kind of love is genuine and, when there is an equal relationship, it tends to last a long time. Neither person feels superior to the other.
2. It seems that love has begun to blossom within you.
It is important to remember that adolescence is a time of great physical and psychological change, brought on by hormonal changes.
I would like to extend my heartfelt congratulations to you, young man. It is wonderful to know that you are healthy and mentally normal, and that you are experiencing the first stirrings of love.
Perhaps it would be helpful to consider it from two aspects:
(1) How to become a better person and the type of guy that girls like.
It may be helpful to focus on yourself, create charisma, and "attract" the other person. Sometimes, liking someone can create a wonderful internal motivation that helps us become better.
2) You might consider using this "liking" to cultivate your interpersonal skills.
Life is not just about studying, even if you are only in junior high school. There are also all kinds of relationships on campus, with teachers, with classmates, and with competitors. It might be helpful to consider using this liking to try to break through your own limitations in relationships.
You might consider treating the other person as your study assistant or role model, and sincerely extending an invitation for help or a request to review homework together. It might be helpful to be sincere and see what kind of response you get. Perhaps the other person's response will also allow you to judge whether they are really your type or if you just "judged them by appearances."
Of course, you may also choose to continue to like her quietly, observe her from afar, and maintain that innocent liking, because this feeling is truly wonderful. "Fluttering Hearts" is a very classic teenage romantic comedy about young love, and I would highly recommend it to you.
I hope these words are helpful to you and to the world. I love you.
If you would like to continue the conversation, you are welcome to click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.
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Comments
I can totally relate to feeling down about myself sometimes. It's tough when you see someone who seems to have it all together and you're just sitting there thinking you're not enough. But you know, everyone has their own struggles that aren't visible on the surface. Maybe instead of focusing on what you think you lack, try acknowledging your efforts and small victories. You might surprise yourself with how much you can grow.
Feeling inadequate is such a common experience, especially at our age. We tend to compare ourselves to others and feel like we fall short. Yet, every single person has unique qualities that make them special in their own way. Instead of wishing you were different or better, why not start appreciating what makes you, you? It's okay to admire others, but remember, being yourself is enough. You deserve happiness and friendship too.
It sounds like you've been carrying this weight for quite some time, and I'm sorry you've felt this way. Sometimes we put ourselves through so much unnecessary pain by thinking we're not good enough. The truth is, no one is perfect, and everyone has moments where they doubt themselves. What if today was the day you decided to change that mindset? Start believing in yourself more. You're capable of amazing things, even if you don't see it yet.
I understand those feelings of inadequacy when you see someone who seems so out of reach. But here's the thing: everyone has insecurities, even the people who appear to have everything going for them. Rather than watching from afar, imagine what it would be like to take a step closer. Building confidence takes time, but every little action counts. Maybe reaching out to that girl could be the beginning of something great, not just for making friends but for boosting your selfesteem too.