What should I do if my child is like a left-behind child when they are young, but will have separation anxiety when they grow up?

The question asker introduces Vera, who will attempt to respond to the question.

Prior to returning to school, the questioner reported experiencing feelings of unease, physical discomfort, and difficulty sleeping. Additionally, they recalled a dream in which they envisioned the demise of their parents.

They exhibit a tendency to be possessive of their friends, even to the point of threatening to die, and they believe that if the relationship is about to end, they can use flattery to maintain it. These behaviors indicate that the questioner is reluctant to be alone.

The reason for the aversion to solitude may be associated with the experience of being left behind.

Should the questioner be amenable, they may wish to attempt to envisage what it would be like to be the sole individual on the planet. What images or scenarios come to mind?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether these events have occurred previously, and if so, when.

Please describe the circumstances of the event and its conclusion. Additionally, please provide a detailed account of your actions.

It is accurate to conclude that the questioner's separation anxiety is the underlying cause of these behaviors. The next step is to identify the factors that contribute to this anxiety and its subsequent manifestation in behavior.

The experience of separation evokes a range of intense emotions, including feelings of loneliness, abandonment, rejection, insecurity, distrust, and disrespect. The questioner's behavior toward the other person in the relationship is characterized by a lack of exclusivity and a failure to communicate effectively, which ultimately hinders the potential for relationship improvement.

The questioner will experience a profound sense of frustration.

What strategies can be employed to foster a nourishing relationship with others?

The questioner must return to introspection to identify the challenging aspects and inquire of themselves. This process should be documented in writing.

In particular, it is crucial to gain an understanding of one's emotional state by observing subsequent occurrences.

One must identify the underlying need that is being expressed by the given feeling. It is this need that should be fulfilled.

This is a challenging process, and the individual in question should allow themselves sufficient time to engage with it. Once this capacity has been cultivated, the individual can communicate their feelings and needs directly to the other person, articulating their desires for how to achieve these needs and satisfy them.

As a result, the quality of one's relationships will improve.

Everyone has the power to be a beacon, whether they're asking questions or answering them. Through words, they can shine a light in the hearts of many, and this is the energy we all share.

Hello, my name is Fly, and I'm a heart exploration coach. I totally get your anxiety about separation, your desire to be noticed in a relationship, and your desire for a greater sense of security.

Let's take a look at this together and see how we can solve it.

1. Our parents are there for us when we're little, and their love and support help us feel safe and secure.

A sense of security is the psychological nutrition that will keep our happiness going strong throughout our lives.

When we don't feel safe, it can lead to some pretty tough emotions (like anxiety, impatience, and emotional outbursts), behaviors (like breaking things or hurting ourselves or others), and relationships (like a need to control and be possessive, as you mentioned).

When we're between the ages of 4 and 3, our parents' companionship, their relationships, and their parenting styles all play a big part in how secure we feel.

For example, children who are left behind by their parents are often very anxious when faced with separation. Similarly, children of couples who constantly argue and have conflicts feel fear and dread from their parents' intimate relationships. And finally, children who are not loved and cared for properly by their parents can feel suffocated and oppressed.

All of this can really take a toll on our sense of security, and it's so important to recognize that. Lin Wentse's book, "Psychological Nutrition," is a fantastic resource that dives deep into the ways parents can provide "psychological nutrition" as "significant others" at different stages of our lives. I highly recommend it!

One thing that can happen when we don't feel safe is that we get scared of being alone. In fact, we start learning about being on our own from the moment we are born! During childbirth, we are separated from our mums as one body by the umbilical cord being cut.

We all go through a lot of changes as we grow up. Starting with nursery school, then school, leaving home to go to university or work, getting married and starting a new family, and finally the ultimate separation at death. It is precisely through these separations that we continue to understand ourselves, find ourselves, and repair ourselves, thus achieving self-realization.

It's totally okay to feel anxious. What matters is that you recognize your feelings, embrace them, and recognize the companionship, attention, and sense of security you crave behind them.

2. How to heal from a lack of security

When there's a lack of security, it's natural to keep looking for it. It's like the analogy of a person who is hungry, who will keep looking for food.

When we were young, we looked for love from our parents. When we grew up, we looked for love from our classmates, teachers, friends, and lovers. And we'll keep looking until we find it!

We all know that problems can easily arise here. For example, a hungry person will eat anything, even if it is a dirty, moldy, or even poisonous bun, because he is so hungry.

And the same goes for a sense of security. He keeps looking for it, asking everyone for it. Even when he encounters a "toxic person," he loses the ability to tell.

So, it's really important to restore your sense of security, otherwise it can affect your future intimate relationships and parent-child relationships. We'd highly recommend that you seek professional help from a school or a psychological counselor on the Yi Xinli platform to help you achieve healing.

Parents are our original family, and we are the original family of the children of the future. For your own happiness and well-being, and for the future of your intimate relationship, you can start right now!

I really hope this helps you. I love you all so much, and I'm sending you all lots of love and hugs! ??

I'd love to keep in touch! You can click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom to get started. I'm excited to communicate and grow with you one-on-one!