What should I say during the consultation? Isn't talking about past events useless for the consultation?

For some reason, the counseling process does not align with one's expectations, resulting in feelings of discomfort and self-doubt. The underlying causes of this discrepancy are complex and subject to change. Obtaining a definitive answer through a written medium may prove challenging. However, the following directions may offer a different perspective.

Reaching a mutual understanding

What are your expectations regarding the potential outcomes of counseling? What type of counseling do you believe would be most beneficial for you?

It is possible to explicitly convey to the counselor that the various counseling schools and approaches are distinct, and that if a particular method is not agreeable or causes an inexplicable sense of unease, it is acceptable to decline it.

It is imperative to communicate in a forthright manner.

What was your emotional response when the counselor did not adequately address the difficulties and pain you had described? This feeling is also an accurate reflection of your true feelings, so you can openly discuss it with the counselor.

It is imperative to prioritize the value of feelings.

The counselor consistently directed the discussion toward feelings and thoughts, rather than the initially desired focus on difficult and painful events. Despite initially expressing openness to discussing feelings, the client subsequently realized that they had not fully articulated their pain.

It is possible that the client was so engaged in discussing their feelings and thoughts with the counselor that they lost sight of their initial objective. It is plausible that the discussion of feelings and experiences may have distracted the client from the pain they were experiencing. It may be more beneficial to prioritize the expression of genuine feelings over the resolution of practical issues.

I applaud you for seeking counseling when you're troubled!

It's easy to understand this feeling.

The goal was to solve your problems through counseling, but it didn't work.

I'm happy to share what I know. I hope it's comforting and inspiring.

1. Psychological counseling is a custom service.

When we seek help from a consultant, we can talk about the problem and the goal.

Then future topics can revolve around this goal.

It's okay to talk about the past. It's useful.

Those are the things that bother you.

But the consultant's methods don't match yours.

Learn to comfort your own feelings of loss.

See if you and the counselor are a good match.

Sometimes the counselor is good, but his approach or lack of consideration may make us uncomfortable or we may need to change counselors.

The consultation should be visitor-centered.

The counselor should follow seven parts and lead three parts.

If he doesn't follow you closely but tries to lead you, the results are often unsatisfactory.

Respect your feelings.

2. Set a goal with your counselor.

Sometimes, we can lose focus during a consultation.

As you talk, you may find more problems.

This is common.

Focusing on a problem makes it easier to achieve your goals.

If you're unsure, consider this.

What's the main problem?

Are you focusing on this?

If you're focusing on this, there's nothing wrong with that.

You can give the counselor feedback at any time.

I want to tell him:

I want to talk about what bothers me, but you rarely respond. Asking me how I feel about things that happened during counseling bothers me.

Timely feedback and communication help the counseling relationship.

3. Don't expect too much from the counselor.

We often have high expectations when we go to counseling.

Help me understand what's really bothering me.

Why do I feel pain from past events? How can I live happily?

We hope the counselor can help.

Solving problems takes time.

Counselors have different approaches.

We can lower our expectations of the counselor. He has limitations too.

Even if he helps, the results may not be good.

Counseling can be difficult.

Respect your feelings. You are the client, and the counselor needs to focus on what you want to say.

Tell the counselor if you have any problems.

Just share.

Best wishes!

Good day, My name is Su Qinghua, and I am a listener at Yixinli.

I empathize with your confusion, helplessness, and powerlessness in the midst of your pain, your struggle in the whirlpool, and your loneliness in not being understood. You desire a connection and support, but you are disappointed.

You stated that in previous counseling sessions, the counselor provided inadequate feedback, which made you feel unsupported. You felt that the counselor was merely following along, and you desired a more guiding presence.

The challenges you are currently facing have a profound impact on your emotional state, hindering your ability to move forward and obscuring your sense of purpose. It is understandable that you feel scared, powerless, lonely, and despairing.

It is important to be seen and to have someone who can recognize your needs and provide guidance. You are hoping that someone can help you to break through the darkness and see the light, as you have been in a challenging situation for too long and are ready to move forward.

You feel that the counselor's focus is solely on the counseling process and your immediate thoughts, and that they are unable to grasp your deeper pain and needs. As a result, you feel that your concerns have not been fully understood.

Given the new information you have provided, it appears there may have been a deviation in the conversation between you and the consultant. It seems you are uncertain about what to discuss with the consultant to provide the most helpful input. I believe you are attempting to empathize with the consultant's perspective, which is understandable given the circumstances. However, this has led to increased concerns. Is this also a situation in life where you are accustomed to stepping into the other person's shoes and considering their perspective, to the exclusion of your own?

During the counseling process, the counselor's role is to follow, accompany, and guide the client at critical junctures. It is essential for the client to remain authentic, focus on their needs, and articulate their objectives. Ultimately, they are the decision-maker.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you.

I am gratified that you sought psychological counseling when you encountered difficulties. Professional psychological counseling can indeed assist you in organizing your thoughts and actions. A psychological counselor can be likened to a pair of crutches on the metaphorical mountain of life, providing motivation and assistance.

The utility of discussing past events in counseling is contingent upon the relationship between these events and the desired outcome, as well as the manner in which they are conveyed.

Firstly, the value of psychological counseling is not derived from the act of talking, but rather from the act of listening.

Counselors do not typically engage in extensive discourse during the course of counseling sessions. This is because the primary objective of counseling is not to provide clients with ideas, suggestions, or solutions to their problems.

The objective of psychological counseling is to assist the client in organizing their thoughts and in identifying solutions to their problems independently.

Listening is a crucial initial step. First, the client must comprehend the facts of the situation, their own feelings and thoughts, and then they can begin to guide themselves towards analysing and solving the problem in a gradual manner.

The counselor's persistent inquiry into your emotional state serves to facilitate your introspective understanding. Consequently, you may experience a sense of:

The counselor provides minimal responses, demonstrates greater attention to the counseling process, and consistently inquires about my feelings and thoughts.

If one anticipates that the counselor will engage in extensive dialogue, proffer a plethora of recommendations, and expeditiously and effectively address the issues at hand, such expectations are misaligned with the tenets of psychological counseling.

Secondly, the objective of counseling should be to achieve specific goals.

Each psychological consultation should have a clearly defined objective, and this particular consultation is designed to address a specific issue. By focusing on this problem, the counselor will facilitate the sharing of information through the use of open-ended questions.

If the objective is to resolve academic issues, it is unlikely that emotional relationships will remain a primary focus of discussion. However, if emotional difficulties are a contributing factor to a lack of motivation to study, this may be an exception.

Thirdly, there is a method of discussing past difficulties.

Psychological counseling is not merely a form of idle chatter. Attempting to resolve past issues through mere conversation is an ineffective approach that lacks the essential elements of psychological counseling.

Individuals may experience distress due to a lack of progress, emotional distress, difficulty in processing thoughts, or the presence of irrational beliefs about past events. Attempting to address these issues independently may prove ineffective, as engaging in ruminative thinking can exacerbate negative emotions.

Such a discussion is undoubtedly futile.

Discussing past difficulties with the guidance of a counselor employs particular techniques to facilitate an understanding of the specific events that occurred, the emotions experienced during those events, the underlying reasons for those emotions, and the desired outcomes.

It is important to note that there are differences in the abilities of psychological counselors. Effective counseling will facilitate a deep understanding of the client's needs and emotions, fostering a sense of comfort and ease comparable to that of an intimate conversation with a trusted acquaintance.

Should the client experience discomfort, this may be indicative of a disparity in the counselor's proficiency.

Psychological counselors are a profession that requires lifelong learning and continuous growth. The aspiration to improve oneself and to provide warmth and comfort to a greater number of people is a common one.

Should any discomforting emotions or ideas arise during the counseling process, it is possible to convey them directly to the counselor. It is this author's belief that such communications will be received with sincerity and that the counselor will endeavor to provide assistance.

I wish you the best of success!

Hello, questioner. I can see the confusion you are facing now, and I'm here to help.

You are experiencing problems with psychological counseling. Let me reassure you that you are not alone.

I'd like to know what school your current counselor belongs to.

My previous counselor was cognitive behavioral, so she focused on thoughts and feelings.

I have been consulting with her for nearly four years, and the same "compliant personality" issues always arise.

You said, "Is discussing past events useless for counseling?"

I disagree with you.

Some past events have undoubtedly shaped who we are today.

However, you must find the counselor who suits your style, as there are different schools of thought.

If you want to analyze the impact of past events on yourself today, you need to find a counselor who is more suitable for the psychoanalytic dynamic school.

Read my recent article, "Is Psychological Counseling Really Helpful?"

I am confident that the problem you are facing will be resolved soon.

I can think of only these things now.

I am confident that my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you. As the respondent, I can assure you that I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too. Best wishes!

Good day, I have a question.

It is challenging to provide guidance on how to feel during a consultation in a brief description of less than 200 words. Nevertheless, I hope that my responses will facilitate a dialogue and encourage you to explore additional possibilities when you are feeling uncertain.

[There are no off-limits topics in counseling.]

Once the confidentiality agreement is signed, the counseling room is a secure environment. As long as there is trust between the counselor and the client, any information shared will remain confidential. A trained counselor will listen attentively and attempt to view the situation from the client's perspective with objectivity and neutrality.

Naturally, should your query pertain to a matter that falls outside the scope of confidentiality, the consultant will duly inform the relevant individual in accordance with the pre-established agreement. With regard to the matter of seeking advice, what should you say?

You are free to speak openly in the consultation room.

[Focus on the meaning of the present moment]

While the text does not specify the counselor's training, your description suggests a dynamic psychotherapist, a form of psychotherapy with which we are familiar. Dynamic psychotherapists tend to be less directive than other types of counselors, allowing clients to take the lead in exploring their feelings and thoughts.

The counselor will concentrate on the interaction between the present and the visitor, enabling the visitor to re-experience the past in the context of the relationship at this moment and gain a deeper understanding of themselves.

[Express your emotions and thoughts]

[Speak up about your emotions and thoughts]

Your confusion stems from the perception that the counselor's response to your description of the incident was inadequate. This may have led to feelings of annoyance. It would be helpful to understand whether you had the opportunity to discuss these feelings in the counseling room.

It could be a feeling of disappointment at not being adequately satisfied, or it could be anger at a topic being ignored by the other person. The precise nature of the emotion is for you to determine. You can discuss with a counselor why you feel this way, and what the other person specifically said or did to make you feel this way.

This may assist you in identifying your typical patterns of behavior in interpersonal interactions.

Ultimately, it is my hope that the individual in question will benefit from the counseling process and achieve a greater sense of comfort in their personal life.

Be a ray of sunshine for the poster from afar!

Now, let's dive into the questioner's description!

Discuss recent challenges or deeply painful past experiences because they're top of mind for me daily. Afterwards, I'm eager to see these concerns addressed.

The questioner is confused, but that's okay!

So I'm really excited to learn more about what I can say in counseling. Is talking about past events a useful part of counseling?

Words to the questioner

You are now a walking, talking testament to the incredible impact of past events!

Every thought and emotion you have now is from the past, and it's all leaving a mark on your heart!

Recalling past stories also allows you to gain a clearer understanding of past events, which is really exciting because it helps you understand why you have become the way you are now. Therapy must first find the cause in order to prescribe the right remedy, which is great because it means you can get the help you need to feel better!

The questioner may be anxious and in a hurry, but they're ready and willing to tackle their problems head-on and get results fast!

But don't worry! Psychological problems can be solved. It just takes time, just like when we get sick. With the right support, you can recover.

The questioner may also talk to the counselor about their current thoughts during the consultation, which is a great way to get things moving in the right direction!

The great thing is, you can communicate about all of these things, and any topic can be brought up for discussion during the counseling process!

The counselor is eager to gain a deeper and more accurate understanding of your inner thoughts by asking you lots of questions!

And the great news is that being able to find the psychological reasons behind these thoughts can also help you better solve your psychological problems!

In the initial consultation, we get to collect some information. Every word the counselor says is like a medicine. The counselor cannot easily drug the visitor, and the client gets to understand this.

Hello, question asker!

It's so important to understand your feelings and state of mind. You originally wanted to find a counselor to resolve some of your confusion, but it seems that the counselor gave you relatively little response. Don't worry! We can figure this out together. Let's take a look:

"The counselor was very engaged in the counseling process, constantly asking me how I felt and what I thought. Afterwards, I felt that there were still some unresolved concerns, but I was excited to continue the journey with the counselor."

"The counselor gave relatively few responses, and they were more concerned about what was happening in the counseling process, constantly asking me how I felt and what I thought. Afterwards, I felt that these worries had not been discussed, and I became even more excited to talk about them with the counselor."

I'm not sure if the questioner has discussed this issue with the counselor, but it's a great idea! It's also very normal to talk about your feelings (including those towards the counselor) during counseling. From the questioner's description, it can be seen that your counseling relationship could have been better.

I'm not sure if the questioner has discussed this with the counselor, but it's a great idea to talk about your feelings (including those towards the counselor) during counseling. From the questioner's description, it can be seen that your counseling relationship could have been established more effectively.

And now for some more great advice! When doing counseling, try to find a counselor who matches you as much as possible. No two people have the same way of speaking or doing things, and they will have different opinions when faced with the same thing. You can read the counselor's introduction before doing counseling.

I'm excited to tell you that when you're doing counseling, it's a great idea to try to find a counselor who matches you as much as possible. After all, no two people have the same way of speaking or doing things, and they will have different opinions when faced with the same thing. You can read the counselor's introduction before doing counseling.

And there's more! You need to learn to identify some consulting institutions. It's not that the current one is not good, but the consulting industry is currently mixed with good and bad. Some people may start consulting without formal training, but actually do not have the corresponding skills (in this way, it is not only harmful to the visitors, but also to the industry).

"I'm really excited to start counseling, but I'm a little confused about what to say. Is it a good idea to talk about past events? Or should I focus on something else?"

Absolutely! Talking about past events is definitely useful for counseling. And yes, the focus may depend on the setting of the counseling, which is great because it allows for flexibility.

In fact, in many consultations, you will find that many visitors talk about everything! It seems that they have no clue, but this is actually a great opportunity for the counselor to provide guidance and establish a clear counseling goal.

So, here's what I suggest you do:

Now for the fun part! It's time to establish a counseling goal.

Now for the fun part! It's time to establish a counseling goal.

Some visitors don't have a clear goal. That's okay! They may just need someone to listen to them. Some need a solution. And some want to figure out a lot of things. After all, the consultation time is limited, and not everything can be solved even if you solve it. So, the questioner needs to first clarify the problem they want to solve the most.

And it all depends on the length of the consultation!

The first one or two sessions or more are a great chance to collect information. If the client starts talking about their past too quickly, it might be a sign that the counselor is not the right fit. Don't worry, though! You can easily switch to another counselor with more experience.

Now, let's dive into the fun part: what should be said?

Absolutely! Anything you want to talk about is great. But if you have a plan or a line of thinking, it'll probably go even more smoothly. For example, you can start by introducing your general situation, then talk about your demands and

The sky's the limit! You can talk about anything in the consultation. But if you have a line of thinking or a plan, you may find that the consultation goes more smoothly. For example, you can start by introducing your general situation. Then, you can talk about your demands and confusions. And only later get to the more in-depth issues, such as your family of origin, how to make changes, and try to practice.

It's so important to have a proper understanding of the purpose of psychological counseling!

It's so important to correctly understand the purpose of psychological counseling!

I'm excited to share some insights on the value of psychological counseling! Some people may misunderstand psychological counseling as a way to help solve practical problems or make decisions. However, it's so much more than that! Psychological counseling is an opportunity to explore and discover new possibilities with the guidance of a counselor. It's about uncovering different sides of yourself, including the more energetic and creative aspects. I hope this has been helpful!

Some people have misunderstandings about psychological counseling. They think it's about helping oneself solve practical problems and make decisions that one cannot make on one's own. In fact, psychological counseling is just about exploring and discovering more possibilities together under the guidance of a counselor. It's about discovering different sides of oneself (oneself with unreasonable beliefs and oneself with more energy).

Some people have misunderstandings about psychological counseling. They think it's about helping oneself solve practical problems and make decisions that one cannot make on one's own. In fact, it's so much more than that! Psychological counseling is about exploring and discovering more possibilities together with the counselor's guidance. It's about discovering different sides of oneself (oneself with unreasonable beliefs and oneself with more energy). And it's about providing a new perspective for thinking. In the end, the decision is still one's own.

I really hope my answer is helpful to the original poster! Best wishes!

I really hope my answer will be helpful to the original poster! Best wishes!

Hello! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

It's totally normal for clients to want to talk about recent difficult events or deeply painful past events in the consultation. These things can really weigh on us, even when we're trying to move forward. But even if you talk about it, the counselor will give you relatively little response. They'll pay more attention to what is happening in the consultation process, and keep asking you about your feelings and thoughts.

Afterwards, you might feel a bit frustrated that these worries weren't discussed. It's totally normal to feel confused about what to say in counseling. You might even wonder if talking about past events is useless in counseling.

And you also feel like your focus is off?

It's so helpful to talk about past events in counseling! Your counselor can really understand your growth experience and your thinking patterns by listening to you describe past events. This helps them to know how to support you. They'll ask you about your feelings and thoughts because everyone sees and feels things differently. This is why it's so important to talk about what's going on for you.

So, even though we didn't get to talk about all the things that were on your mind, the counselor already has a pretty good idea of what you're going through just from hearing you talk. It's totally okay to be honest and open during our time together. It's a healing process, and it's all about you getting the support you need.

Moreover, during the first two or three sessions, the counselor will listen to you with empathy and understanding. They'll want to know about your personal growth experiences, how you perceive your family members and significant others, and your family history and relationships. They'll listen carefully to what you say and try to understand you and empathize with you. This helps them learn about the impact of important events on you and gradually form a conceptualization of your individual case. Afterwards, they'll discuss with you to help you understand and know yourself better. They'll also use some professional techniques and methods, such as hypnosis and ACT, to help you establish a positive thinking mode and improve your unreasonable cognition.

Ultimately, it helps us build a stronger, more resilient personality so we can face and overcome life's challenges.

So, it's important to remember that psychological counseling isn't about solving the client's problems.

Some folks might think that since they've paid the consultation fee, the counselor should help them solve their problems. But the most important thing psychological counseling can do is help people help themselves. It's like teaching someone to fish! We can help our visitors grow, improve their ability to recognize problems, solve problems, and adjust and control their emotions. We can help them establish a sound personality, improve their psychological quality, and ultimately help them solve psychological problems and specific problems. And we can help them gain a healthy and happy life! That's the ultimate goal of psychological counseling.

Psychological counseling is not about simply giving the help-seeker the fish to eat. It's also not about helping them avoid trouble and reduce difficulties. Instead, it's about doing something and not doing something.

Psychological counseling is not about simply handing the help-seeker a solution and walking away. It's about working together to find the best way forward. It's about doing something and not doing something.

It's also important to understand that psychological counseling isn't the same as education.

Maybe you came to the consultation hoping to learn something new, just like you would in a skill training course.

It's important to remember that while a counselor can provide some helpful psychological knowledge, counseling is not the same as education. A counselor will not do counseling in the same way as a teacher teaches students or a coach trains athletes. Instead, in an equal counseling relationship, the counselor will encourage the client to explore themselves and solve problems on their own, or prompt the client to educate themselves.

Let's take a look again at the main tasks of a psychological counselor. What problems can psychological counseling solve?

Let's help our clients build great relationships with others!

Let's help our clients deepen their self-understanding together!

Let's help our clients correct any misconceptions they may have.

Let's help our clients learn to accept reality.

Let's help the client feel more free inside (and that means accepting some of their flaws and shortcomings).

Let's work together to help the client recognize and resolve internal conflicts.

Let's work together to help the client construct new behaviors and new behavior patterns!

Let's help our client develop some lovely personality traits together!

● Give the client a helping hand in strengthening their awareness of maintaining mental health and mastering psychological knowledge and skills.

These things need to be done through professional chat. So, please trust your counselor. She's there for you! You can also tell her your current confusion and disorientation. She will guide and inspire you step by step to understand yourself, learn to solve your own problems on your own, and ultimately have a healthy state of mind and become a better version of yourself.

I hope this is helpful for you! Wishing you all the best!

In principle, as long as the counselor you meet is highly competent and has excellent professional skills, you should feel free to decide what you want to say.

It should be noted, however, that not all psychologists are equipped to deal with any subject.

In particular, at the beginning, the preliminary steps of the consultation may involve getting to know you, your style of doing things, attitude, perceptions, and state of mind, before moving on to the key aspects.

I came across a course evaluation that said…

For more stable counseling, it would be beneficial to have one to three sessions to get to know you, establish a good counseling relationship, and then continue to discuss the key issues you want to address.

It must be acknowledged, however, that the process will require a significant investment of time and resources.

As an ordinary visitor, it is certainly possible to solve your problems in one counseling session. However, it is worth noting that not everyone possesses the ability to do so.

It is also possible that a long-term counselor who has gained a good understanding of you may suddenly have a concern.

It is within the realm of possibility that, based on his understanding of you, he could indeed solve your problem once and for all.

And,

It is possible that different people may have different perspectives on counseling.

It may be helpful to consider that what bothers you is often an emotion and your own way of perceiving events.

It might be helpful to consider that talking about difficult or painful things in the past may not necessarily lead to guidance, teaching, or telling you what to do, choose, or face from the counselor.

Perhaps this is not entirely realistic. It may be helpful to reconsider this misconception.

Psychological counseling is always about helping people to help themselves.

Ultimately, it is up to you to find the answers you seek. The counsellor's role is to support you in seeing things in a new light.

They assist you by helping you identify the misconceptions and ideas behind your difficulties, and even

Could I ask why you wanted to do this and finally chose this option? I'm curious to know what factors and ideas led you to this decision.

It might be helpful to consider that talking about the past is not necessarily useless. It could be that the present, the past, and the future can all be entry points.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider combining it with your actual situation.

It might be the case that, rather than allowing you to dwell on the past, which could be hindering your ability to face the present,

It might also be the case that the way the past is described does not provide any entry points.

It may be that the discussion is not yet at that stage and is something that is yet to come up.

Ultimately, this is a decision that you will have to make in consultation with your counselor.

It would be beneficial for you to feel autonomous or have various other options that you can actually raise and discuss.

However, it is important to understand that there are no guarantees in this process. It may be helpful to assess the consultant's level of expertise in detail to ensure you can trust them and that they are the best fit for your needs.

I hope this is helpful for you as a reference.