When facing my parents, I want them to divorce, it's painful, what should I do?

Give the questioner a big hug! I can feel the questioner's inner feelings of depression, anxiety, pain, and suffering. It's so sad to see the father drinking, smoking, gambling, not doing any housework, and still involved with some women. It's no wonder he doesn't have much energy to pay attention to and care about the questioner. The mother is more inclined to side with her family of origin and doesn't pay much attention to the questioner's needs.

In this family, the questioner has become a child who is unloved by his father and unloved by his mother. It's so sad to see him feeling so lonely and helpless. Maybe he thinks that as long as they get a divorce, this painful life of his will be over, so he really hopes that they will get a divorce.

It's important to remember that the questioner's desire for a divorce is just that — a desire. It doesn't necessarily reflect the parents' own feelings. Arguments between parents are a natural expression of their emotions and a way to communicate with each other and with their children. They're also a way for parents to acknowledge their own powerlessness and helplessness regarding family responsibilities.

Maybe the questioner doesn't understand why they're like this. But if they think about it, they'll probably realize that if the truth is that they would have divorced long ago, they both still have feelings for each other. They just don't know how to get along with each other and express themselves appropriately. Some things they may be embarrassed to say, and if they do, the other person may laugh at them and hurt their feelings. Some things they are afraid to say for fear of hurting the other person, and in this way there is nothing left to say. The questioner's father can only choose to numb his senses by smoking, drinking, and gambling to avoid facing his wife and children at home and some of the responsibilities he needs to bear.

It's not that they want this. It's just that because they are feeling really anxious, fearful, and uneasy in their hearts, and don't know what to do, they have chosen this method, which they think is more appropriate and will not hurt the other person. However, they have neglected the feelings of the questioner and have not considered the harm it will cause.

So, it might be a good idea for the questioner to talk to them about the things they're feeling and thinking. You can chat with them one-on-one or together, whatever works best for you. This will help the questioner feel less stressed and release some of those pent-up emotions. Plus, it'll show the parents that their actions have had a big impact on the questioner.

Ultimately, it's up to the questioner to decide whether or not to speak up. And it's up to the parents to decide whether or not they're willing to change. The questioner can't interfere or control the situation, but they can support the parents in thinking it through and making their own decision. There's no way to know what will happen, but there's hope that things will work out.

I just wanted to share my thoughts with you, the questioner, in case they help you in any way.

Good day. I extend my warmest regards from afar.

I am grateful for the opportunity to assist you. I hope that my input will provide you with the support and guidance you seek. I can discern the adverse effects of your parents' marital discord and their emotional neglect and insensitivity towards you, which have led to feelings of rejection, disregard, neglect, and lack of love.

It is important to allow yourself to fully experience the sense of grievance, helplessness, and powerlessness that arises from your parents' marital discord and your mother's excessive devotion to your family. It is natural to desire to be valued, cared for, considered, and loved.

From your description, it can be seen that you are more emotionally inclined towards your mother, given her relatively greater contributions to the family. Although she cares for and loves her family members far more than she does you, at least she is family-oriented and responsible for the family. Your father has rarely fulfilled his obligations and responsibilities towards the family, which has caused you to feel a great deal of resentment towards him. Furthermore, in your opinion, this may also be one of the reasons for their unhappy marriage. What are your thoughts on this matter?

As a child, the only recourse in the face of your parents' marital status is to accept it. This may mean that the way your parents interact with each other differs from how you perceive it. For instance, it is possible that your father may feel that his wife prioritizes her family over him and you. This could potentially lead to feelings of neglect and exclusion.

This may be a key factor in his deliberate distancing from the family and unwillingness to fulfill his responsibilities. In essence, he is expressing his dissatisfaction and anger at his mother for over-caring for his family in this way. This is an immature approach that is detrimental to the well-being of all parties involved.

Despite the challenging circumstances, it is important to communicate your feelings to your parents in a clear and honest manner. Express your expectations of how they should treat you and discuss ways to improve the situation. If it is not feasible for them to meet your expectations, focus on self-care and growth to address your needs.

I advise you to read Emotionally Immature Parents and Why Home Hurts.

My name is Lily, and I am the little ear of the Q&A Museum. I would like to take this opportunity to express my love for the world and for you.