When I found out that my father was cheating on me and staying out all night, I was so upset that I rebelled.

Hello! I'm a heart coach, and I'm excited to work with you. I'll be your cheerleader and a listening ear all at once.

You feel your tension, fear, annoyance, anger, helplessness, and hopelessness. But you're also feeling hopeful! You found out that Dad "doesn't come home at night," and a few years ago, Mom told you about Dad's "flirtatious" behavior. This has made you realize that you can trust your instincts and that you can stand up for yourself. You're excited to see what happens next!

You're not sure what to do, but you know you don't want to see your parents' relationship and marriage break up. You're torn between loyalty to your parents and your concerns for them.

Let's have a warm hug first! There are always more than three solutions to every problem. Let's take a look at the problem together!

Marriage is like a pair of shoes: only you know if they fit—and they might just fit perfectly!

The parents' relationship and marriage are their problems, and as children, you are "outsiders," even though as a family, you are part of the family.

It's so often the case that from the outside, it looks like they are doing well and are happy. But only the people involved themselves know what the state of their marriage is and what stage their relationship is in!

As you have written, there were many signs that were noticed many years ago that there were indeed problems in the relationship between your parents. Your mother was aware of this and had arguments with your father, which is great because it shows that she was paying attention and engaged in the situation.

You used the words "patience, tolerance, and compromise" with your father, which shows that you're still aware of their relationship—and you're doing something about it!

Now, you children have also got married and had children, and your parents have reached retirement age and are enjoying their twilight years. What happened in the past is continuing today, which shows that the problems that once arose in their marriage have not changed—but they've also not changed in the best way possible!

These are still problems that need to be solved by both parties. The involvement of children is only a stopgap measure that doesn't get to the root of the problem. Perhaps they are willing to compromise and give in a little in order to maintain the appearance of a complete family, but they don't necessarily want to settle for less—and that's great!

The good news is that there is a way to truly solve a problem. All you need to do is communicate effectively about your views and feelings about marriage and family. When you are honest with each other, you can work together to find a solution.

2. Now, let's dive into your emotions!

Your father's nightly absences not only made you worry about your parents' marriage, but also made you feel ashamed. The part about worrying about your parents' marriage has already been discussed in (1), so let's focus on the "ashamed" part.

Your father is a great guy! He's the kind of guy you respect and admire. He's a pillar of support for his kids and a role model for how to get along with others. But, let's be honest, he's not perfect. He's human, just like the rest of us. And like the rest of us, he's got his flaws. So, let's talk about his infidelity and unfaithfulness to his wife. It's not the best look for a guy who's supposed to be the epitome of upright and dignified. But, hey, we all make mistakes. And we can learn a lot from mistakes, right?

The conflict and contradiction between the "should be" in their minds (the father's positive authority and love) and the "is" in reality (he actually flirted with other women, betrayed his wife and the marriage) causes internal friction. This is an amazing opportunity for growth! It can be a challenge, but it's also an incredible chance to learn and evolve.

It's time to get to know your parents again! This time, try to understand them from the perspective of a stranger. Your parents are also human beings, and they have the right to pursue happiness. There will also be many disappointments in their lives, but that's all part of the journey!

For example, were there also a lot of uncertainties in their marriages? (For example, in the era of educated youth, many marriages were forced, helpless, and unhappy.) How did they get together?

Oh, I'd love to know more about how their relationship was after they got married! And what happened in between?

Let's explore the fascinating question of how the mother influenced the father's actions. Imagine a scenario where the father was unable to tolerate the mother's nagging, complaining, or blaming. What was the father's perspective on marriage and family?

Once you understand all of this, you'll be ready to learn!

I've got a great suggestion for you!

1. Embrace the opportunity to separate yourself from your parents' life issues!

The marriage of their parents is a problem they need to solve. The good news is that all you need to do is take care of your parents' health and feelings!

Manage your family and marriage well and watch the magic happen!

Your parents' interactions and your relationship with them can show you important themes in your life! You can learn about establishing a correct attitude towards marriage, better managing your partner relationship, and how to stop complaining and learn to communicate effectively.

If you really want to do something, you can talk to them separately!

It would be really helpful for you to find out from your father and mother, respectively, what they think and feel about their marriage. You could even learn about their needs on the side to see if you can play the role of a matchmaker! Within their abilities, they should try to meet each other's needs and find a better way to get along.

I really hope the above is helpful to you! The world and I love you! ??

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd love to keep chatting with you one-on-one and see how we can grow together!

I get it. My mom helps my sister watch the kids while she's away. She found out that my dad never comes home at night. She's annoyed and doesn't know if she should tell the family. She's afraid her husband will look down on her and their relationship will suffer. She's also worried about her sister needing her help.

Your mom told you a few years ago that your father had been unfaithful to her and cried. You feel that your father also has his own suffering. He was very tolerant and accommodating when he was young, but became increasingly irritable after the age of 50 and stopped tolerating things. He also warned you about maintaining a balance in your relationships when you got married.

The situation with your parents is really tough, but there's nothing you can do about it, and you're not sure what to do.

You've taken on a lot of emotions regarding your parents' affairs. I think it may be that you feel responsible for monitoring your father's words and actions since your mother and sister are away.

But whether your father cheats on you, flirts with other women, or stays out all night, that's his business and your mother's business. Your mother can't control him, so how can you? So, your annoyance and resistance are a way of avoiding the fact that you can't change it.

Another possibility is that the idea you had of your father in your heart has been ruined. You feel like he's done this before. You found out about it ten years ago, and your mother found out about it a few years ago.

You're irritated, resisting, and angry at him. How could he do such a thing again? Why can't he change?

Why can't you take care of my feelings? I don't want to hear my mother complain anymore.

You've always been the one to take care of others in this family. You've always been there for your family members when they needed you, but you've neglected yourself. You should be taking care of yourself first.

My dear, you need to take care of yourself more. Understand yourself better and take better care of yourself.

Be aware of your own emotions and feelings and allow them to flow.

Find someone you can trust to talk to about your emotions and explore your needs. If you can't talk to your family, consider seeing a counselor.

Let your parents handle their own matters and don't get too involved.

Best of luck!

Hello, question asker! Thank you very much for taking the time to share your concerns and for asking for our help.

We will do our utmost to provide you with the support you need.

You have noticed that your father has been acting in ways that you find inappropriate, such as chatting with women or staying out late at night. You feel irritated and resistant inside, as you imagine anyone in such a situation might feel. You are unsure whether to tell your mother or your husband. You could really benefit from talking to someone to help you untie this knot.

You are now facing a challenge in your parents' intimate relationship. How should you navigate this situation as a child?

It would be helpful to set clear boundaries.

You say, "I can see that you are in a lot of pain. I'm not sure how I can help, but I'm here for you."

While parents are members of your original family and you have the right to participate in resolving family conflicts, it is important to recognize that you cannot handle the intimate relationship between your parents. Intimate relationships are unique and complex, involving a heart-to-heart exchange, an emotional flow, and interactive feelings. It is not within your capacity to replace them.

It would be beneficial for the parents to sit down face to face and resolve the issue. This is a challenge that they will need to navigate together in their intimate relationship.

You are correct in your assessment that it would be unwise to intervene directly. This is a clear boundary. It is also beyond your scope to solve their psychological problems.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to gain an understanding of the underlying reasons for the alienation in the intimate relationship.

You mentioned that your father was overly tolerant, accommodating, and yielding when he was young, but after the age of 50, he became increasingly short-tempered and stopped tolerating your mother. When I got married, he even warned me that the relationship had to be balanced and that neither party should be suppressed, otherwise it would lead to an explosion. It was a difficult situation for all of us.

As Dad said, intimacy needs to be managed by both parties. If one party is too dominant and suppresses the other party's feelings and emotional output, over time, the other party may feel disconnected from the warmth of the family and may seek an outlet. This could potentially lead to infidelity, according to Dad.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to tell both parties how you feel.

From what you have told me, it seems that a few years ago, my mother told me that my father had been chatting with other women. There were chat records and voice recordings, and my mother was upset and argued with him about it.

It seems that your mother is aware of your father's infidelity, yet she is reluctant to end the marriage. It appears that she is seeking to retain the marriage through her tears.

You mentioned that ten years ago, when you were in college, you noticed textbooks belonging to other women in your father's car.

You also mentioned that your father advised you when you got married to maintain a balanced relationship where neither party is suppressed, as otherwise it could lead to difficulties.

From your description, it seems that, for whatever reason, Dad has never wanted to end the marriage.

It may be the case that the two of them can continue. Perhaps if the mother were to give the father emotional release and the father were to understand more about the difficulty of the mother maintaining the family, and if they were to be considerate of each other, find each other's needs, and satisfy him/her, then the intimate relationship might begin to truly connect.

Therefore, although you are not directly involved in the resolution of their intimate relationship, you may wish to consider sharing your feelings about the marriage and its impact on you, as well as your hopes, with her separately.

Fourthly, I would like to offer a word of caution.

It is important to remember that marriage requires the input of both parties. If one party contributes too much, it can have a negative impact on the relationship. In fact, the person who gave you this advice when you got married was right. I hope you can use this as a learning opportunity and strive to manage your marriage well, without repeating the same mistakes.

I hope you can find the support you need to sort out your feelings and deal with the things you want to do.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Hello, question asker.

From the questioner's own account, it is clear that his father may have cheated on his mother. This discovery by the questioner, as a child, is indeed quite shocking and overwhelming.

Your father has betrayed your mother and the family, and that is the simple fact of the matter. This infidelity has hurt you and your mother, and it will create a permanent rift between family members, no matter what happens in the future.

The questioner's mother should decide how to handle his behavior. The father and mother should discuss how to move forward together. Give the questioner a pat and hope to give him a little strength. I also provide my personal views on how the questioner should face this matter.

You need to find out what motivated his betrayal.

People betray their families and partners for many reasons, and it is not always for sex. They may be looking for an emotional connection, trying to escape pressure at home, or running away from something.

Before deciding how to handle the situation, you must find out why your father did it. You can also find an opportunity to talk to your father in private to find out why he did it. Tell him, "Dad, I know what you did. I don't know why you betrayed the family. Tell me why you did it."

"Tell me what happened between you and your mother."

Tell your father your thoughts.

The questioner should tell his father his views on his behavior at an appropriate time. If the questioner feels that his father is doing something wrong, he should ask him to stop his current inappropriate behavior and tell him that he will tell his mother about it at an appropriate time and ask him to confess to his mother.

The mother has the right to know what her husband has been doing. If the questioner helps her husband hide it, she will cause her secondary harm when the mother finds out.

If the father is unwilling to sever ties with the third party, it is likely that he is unwilling to stop cheating. In this case, the questioner should also be prepared for the possibility that their parents may argue or divorce over this matter.

Let me be clear: the subject of this betrayal is not at fault.

There are often many factors behind a person's betrayal of an intimate relationship. It may be due to emotional reasons, stress, or even sex.

The discord in an intimate relationship that eventually leads to its end is almost always due to the parents' failure to manage their marriage well. This has nothing to do with the questioner. In fact, it is because of their reasons that the questioner has suffered tremendous pressure.

Do not blame either party when faced with your father's betrayal. This result is a consequence of underlying issues in their relationship. The questioner should not blame themselves for this. Once a relationship has developed cracks, it is challenging to repair it, regardless of one's efforts. If you want to repair the relationship, you must rely on both parents, and the questioner has no power in this situation.

Tell your mother what you've discovered.

If the father is reluctant to confess to the mother, the questioner can choose an appropriate time, such as when you are alone and she is in a good mood, to tell her what you have discovered. The decision on what to do next should be left to the parents, regardless of how the relationship between the mother and father develops.

As the child of the questioner, your family's interests are always the priority. The mother may have strong emotional reactions when she finds out about this, so it's best to resolve this matter through negotiation within the family.

As their children, we can and should give our parents advice, but we cannot make any major decisions for them. Only they themselves can decide what to do with this marriage.

You must be prepared to take on family responsibilities.

If the mother chooses to end the marriage with the father, the child must be prepared to take on family responsibilities. If the mother cannot tolerate the father's betrayal, she will definitely act emotionally.

Ultimately, the father left the family, and the questioner must help the mother and share the burden of the family as much as they can. Understand the pressure the mother is facing at home, and her emotions will definitely fluctuate. Be understanding of her feelings.

Persuade your mother not to punish herself or your father for your father's mistakes. No one wants to come to this.

The questioner has done what they can and should do, regardless of what happens in the future. If the parents still want to reconcile, they should both go for family counseling.

This will help the parents deal with their relationship very well, but it requires mutual consent from both sides.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful.

Hello, question owner! From your description, I can tell you're feeling a bit restless, anxious, and confused.

It seems like your dad sometimes stays out late at night and your mom isn't home.

I'm sorry to hear that your parents have had some difficulties in the past. It can be really tough when there are issues in a relationship, especially when there are children involved.

In the past, your father has always been so understanding and supportive of your mother. He has also warned you that a husband-and-wife relationship needs to be balanced, and that neither party should be suppressed, otherwise things can get pretty intense.

All these thoughts are linked together, and you even begin to doubt whether your father has done something to upset your mother.

It's a tricky situation, isn't it? On the one hand, you know you shouldn't get involved in your parents' relationship, but on the other hand, you want to help them stay together.

I can see how this is making you feel so tangled up and annoyed. It's totally understandable that you're not sure who to talk to or what to do.

It's so lovely to see how hard you're working to keep your family happy and together!

How to handle relationships with each other is something that your parents will figure out together.

Your mom has cried and argued about your dad's behavior, but you also saw textbooks for other women's kids in your dad's car when you were in college.

But they didn't let it get them apart, and as your father says, they managed to maintain a balance in their relationship in their own way, which is really admirable.

As kids, we can't really know what our parents are thinking or what happened in the past.

I'd love to know more about the pressure the father has endured in order to tolerate and accept his wife, and why the mother has put up with his behavior.

It's so important to remember that the truth is not always what we think it is. We should never judge their relationship too quickly. It's so much better to give them the space to work things out for themselves, trusting and respecting their choices.

☺️ Accept yourself and take care of your emotions.

It's totally normal to feel a mix of emotions when you find out that your dad has been staying out all night. It can be frustrating and even a little bit annoying!

On the one hand, you feel responsible and want to help out by handling the relationship between your parents and being the protective shield for the whole family.

On the one hand, you feel so sorry for your dad and you're really worried about your mum. This situation is really tough for you and you feel like you're at a loss. When you're in this situation, it's only natural to feel bad.

It's totally normal to feel some blame and anger towards your parents for their relationship being so difficult. We've all been there! Why can't they get along better so that you don't have to work so hard?

It might help to let go of your worries and responsibilities towards your parents for a while. Give yourself permission to detach from their relationship and take care of your own emotions first, before defending anyone else's.

☘️ Why not sit down and have a chat with your dad?

You can find a good time to have a chat with your dad. You can tell him how you feel and what's on your mind.

Your dad has a lot to say, and a lot to think about, too. Listen to what he has to say, and try to understand what he's feeling. It's okay if you don't agree with him, but try to listen without judging or getting emotional.

When you understand and accept yourself, you can truly understand the relationship between your father and mother. You can then choose to respect and let go.

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, I can see that you're a kind, empathetic person with a rich inner life.

I can see how your father's actions in his early years might have affected your view of him. It's totally understandable that you're worried about sharing your doubts about this matter with your sister, as you're afraid it might affect the relationship in your little family. And of course, you're also concerned about how your sister might react, and how it might impact the harmony of the whole family.

I totally get where you're coming from. As a daughter, you want to solve the problem but you can't, which is why you feel so powerless. Have you noticed that you've been worrying about other people all the time? Have you really considered your own true feelings? How should you release your emotions?

I'd like to offer a few tips for the original poster that I hope will bring you a little warmth and help.

It's time to face it with an open mind and learn to communicate.

Parents have their own judgment and principles of life. We shouldn't interfere too much, but if your thoughts have already affected your normal state of life, it's important to have a good talk with your father. The most important thing is to be calm, without prejudice or resentment. If you don't know how to start the conversation, you can avoid the awkwardness by starting with a different topic. Then, you can use an example from a friend to hint at the importance and expectation you place on family harmony. Ask for his opinion and at the same time find out what his real thoughts on the world of fathers are. You can tell from the things your father has said to you that he cares about your life. I believe he is someone who is willing to communicate with you and wants to give you a good example of married life.

It's okay to let your emotions out in a reasonable way and take care of yourself.

You can seek help here, which is also a way for you to vent. I know it can be tough to talk to your husband about this, and it's totally understandable if you can't find a way to release your emotions. What I want you to know is that you shouldn't question your current or future relationship because of your parents' lifestyle. You're in control of your life, and you have the power to make decisions that are right for you. Your husband's love and support can help you feel better, and your children's happy lives can bring a sense of joy and pride to your parents' relationship.

It's okay to feel powerless and wronged. You're not to blame.

Your sister is also an important member of the family. You can talk to her about your annoyance and resistance. If your parents really have problems as a couple and separation is inevitable, but they still care about and love you, learning to accept is also a way to treat yourself gently. We can't achieve a youthful life without regrets, but we can achieve a peaceful mind.

Come on, let's grow together as we face life! I'm here for you.

Hi, I'm Yixinli [Xiaona Xinxian]!

I love you, and so does the world!

Question author:

Hello, I'm Kelly, and I'm so excited to connect with you! After reading your sharing, I could really feel how you're feeling—depressed and worried about your parents' marriage. I completely understand how you feel, and I'm here to help!

I've got a few suggestions for the questioner that I think will really help!

1: Both parents are adults, and since they have been married for so many years, they must still have feelings for each other. Regarding your father's behavior, I think it's a great idea if you don't take it all on yourself. Have a good chat with him and listen to what pressures and pains he is feeling. This will also give you a chance to understand some of your father's true feelings towards your mother, and let him feel understood and cared for.

2: Your father can advise you to maintain a balance in your relationship. Perhaps as a man who has been through it all, he is giving you advice as his daughter, but he is also sharing the secrets of a happy marriage. I think your father's words make a lot of sense, and it is also clear that he is also very depressed in his marriage. He wants you to be happy, and you can see that he is a sensitive and reasonable person who also loves you very much.

3: Let's look at it from another angle. If a person suppresses their emotions for a long time, they will also have problems. As onlookers, let's rationally look at what's wrong with the parents' marriage. Are they happy in their marriage? What is the usual family dynamic? There's so much we can learn from this!

Marriage and love are a matter for two people. If your sister is also worried about the relationship between her parents, try to avoid them being apart for too long. Parents can become estranged after a long separation, so it's important to keep the family together! You and your sister can also invite your father to participate in family interactions. This is something you need to discuss, and I'm sure you'll come up with a great solution!

4: We are all adults, so let's avoid emotional triangulation! I suggest that the questioner spend more time on their own affairs, get their own nuclear family life right, and choose a trustworthy husband. The questioner can also open up (or if the pressure is too great, choose to communicate with a professional counselor), and try to avoid repressing their emotions.

It's so important to handle the relationship between your nuclear family and your original family, and also have a sense of boundaries. Many friends around me have affected their own small families due to their parents' affairs, which I think is a pity. But you can avoid that happening to you!

I want to praise the questioner for seeing the problem and being able to ask for help to solve it. This is also a problem for many families, and there are also many parents who quarrel and still live their whole lives. But there is hope! The questioner is already taking steps to improve the situation.

5: After your sister got married, your mother was able to help her with the children. You can feel that your mother is a person who gives. She was even willing to leave your father at home alone for the sake of the children. Over the years, she has done her best to take care of you and your sister. She is an amazing mother! At the same time, you also have to consider your father's feelings. If he is lonely, how would he feel?

I really hope my answer can help you!

The world and I love you!

Hello, host! I'm so honored to answer your question. After reading your description of your father's behavior, I totally get how you're feeling. He's your father, and you love him, but from a realistic point of view, he talked ambiguously with other women behind your mother's back, which is really hard for you to accept.

As a daughter, it's a big test for you, in terms of how much you should get involved. Even though you're married, deep down you also hope that your parents can live a happy life together and that their family remains intact in their old age.

Your mother discovered your father's problem many years ago, and she chose to be understanding and supportive. It's important to note that the current situation is your father's relapse. My personal suggestion is that you can gently let your father know about this problem. You already know about his late nights, and in order to reduce the adverse effects of this kind of thing, it's probably best for the two of you to keep it between the two of you for now.

Everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness, as long as they don't base it on the suffering of others. As for the grudges of the parents' generation, we as children can only offer advice.

If you want to keep your family together, you can ask a professional family relationship coach to help you and your parents communicate better. Even though they're close, they might still have some misunderstandings. If they can work through these issues with the help of a professional, they'll be happier in their later years. If there are some personality conflicts, we hope they can find happiness with each other. Either way, it's better than your father having an affair. I love happiness! 1983. The world and I love you!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm still the same.

Your father told you to keep your relationship balanced. If you don't, it will explode.

Only someone who has experienced it can understand why this repression hurts. We can understand and face the current problems from the father's expression. If possible, we can also help.

People need a home. We are social beings and herd animals. We need a warm home to feel a sense of belonging, a place to rest, and a place to provide nourishment. However, the beauty of this home requires the joint efforts of both husband and wife. We should try to understand our father and mother in this marriage.

If you felt embarrassed talking to your parents about these issues, you can now communicate with them and learn how to manage your relationship better.

If you can, talk to your parents privately. Your dad has his own issues, but we can't make generalizations. Remind him of a few things to keep in mind when you talk.

We're all looking for a good match, especially in marriage.

Best wishes!

Dear Question Asker, I am Enoch, the person who is providing the answer to your question.

From the questioner's description, it appears that the questioner is seeking to assist her parents due to the deterioration of their relationship, yet she is uncertain about the best course of action.

The parents of the original poster have reached this state of affairs due to the presence of underlying issues and responsibilities. It is possible that the mother has a strong personality, which has caused the father to feel oppressed and uncomfortable for an extended period. Consequently, the father has also expressed his dissatisfaction and grievances through inappropriate actions.

If the questioner is genuinely interested in assisting her parents in resolving these issues, it would be advisable to refrain from discussing them with her husband. It is important to remember that parents should be able to maintain a sense of dignity in front of their children. The questioner should first have a constructive conversation with her father to gain a better understanding of the challenges he and her mother have faced over the years. During this conversation, it would be beneficial to provide him with guidance on how to effectively navigate the relationship with his father. In the event that her mother has taken actions that are deemed unacceptable, it is crucial for the questioner to clearly communicate her position and assertively resist any attempts by her mother to exert control or engage in wrongdoing. This will help to ensure that her mother does not have the opportunity to continue exerting undue influence. However, it is also important to remind her father of the need to conduct himself in a manner that will not negatively impact the family's reputation.

Additionally, the original poster can request that her sister identify an opportunity to communicate with her mother, modify her approach to interacting with her father in the future, and regulate her temper. This will be beneficial for the entire family.

My parents are not young anymore, and I believe my father is just experiencing a momentary lapse in judgment. I am confident that he will resume the appropriate course of action.

The key objective is to remain calm, address the parents' emotional issues in a reasonable manner, and maintain a positive relationship with them.

It would be helpful to offer the questioner some comfort from a distance.

The questioner's description:

She married at 30 and had children.

A few years ago, my father was involved in an affair with another woman. There are chat records and voice recordings. Ten years ago, when I went to university, there were textbooks belonging to the other woman's child in my father's car.

I am experiencing a range of emotions, including irritation and resistance. I am uncertain about the best course of action regarding whether to share this information with my family or not. I would like to discuss it with my husband, but I am concerned that he may not fully understand or that it might impact our relationship.

My father was quite tolerant and accommodating when he was younger, but after turning 50, he seemed to become somewhat irritable and less tolerant of my mother.

When I got married, I was also advised that it's important to maintain a balanced relationship and avoid suppressing either party's needs, as this can lead to issues.

I would like to offer some words of advice to the questioner.

I would like to begin by saying that it is not our place to interfere in our parents' marital problems.

When my parents got married, they didn't even notify us, so it's difficult for us to know how to best offer support in this situation.

Perhaps it would be helpful for the original poster to consider whether it would be beneficial to share this information with his relatives.

I believe your mother was aware of your father's behavior.

If the original poster were to tell his family, then, should it cause conflict in their family, the original poster may have to accept some responsibility.

It might also be helpful for the original poster to understand that his father's tolerance when he was young and excessive forbearance may have contributed to the current situation.

It's likely that there will be some challenges within the family, which might explain why your father is acting the way he is.

It is possible that long-suppressed emotions may eventually come to the surface. This is not just a problem for your father, but also for your mother.

I believe I now understand why your father said that to you when you got married.

As children, we can only hope that our parents will be healthy and happy.

We can only hope that they will be able to live the life they want, and that if they choose to get divorced, they will be well.

We can only hope that they will leave the family and live better in the future. There is little else we can do, and we must respect the choices and opinions of others.

It's important to be mindful of boundaries and to recognize that crossing them can have unintended consequences.

As children, we often feel powerless in the face of our parents' marital challenges. While we may not have the authority to dictate how they should handle these issues, we can still offer our support and guidance from a place of understanding and compassion.

At 30 years old, with your own family, you should have a good understanding of how to solve problems in your marriage if they arise.

Hello, host!

Let's share a warm hug!

I could see how helpless you felt as a child when your father didn't love your mother. I know it's so hard when you love someone and they don't love you back.

Oh, sweetheart, your dad is wrong.

I thought of a case I had encountered. A sweet girl was studying, and she said she was tired of being her parents' mouthpiece. Every time her mother had a request for her father, she would go through me.

She was really upset every day because her dad didn't work and didn't earn any money, and he even spent the family's money. I asked her if she felt that way because she was more attached to her mom, and she answered, "Yes."

She replied with a smile, "Yes, Mom works hard to earn money."

I asked her again, "Did your father leave you a good place?" She replied, "My father was very good to me and my younger brother. He took us out to play all the time when we were little."

"You still like your father, don't you?" the girl asked, her eyes brimming with tears.

She said, "But she doesn't know how to solve the conflict between her parents."

I gently told her, "I know it's tough, but you can't solve it because the conflict isn't between you and your parents." She replied, "But they are my parents! I can't just stand by and do nothing."

I say you don't. Sometimes, not interfering in their struggle is a choice in itself. You can choose to take responsibility for yourself, and that's a great thing to do!

Because, sweetheart, it's something you can't solve.

After everything was said and done, she confided in me a little secret. I happened to see my mom with an uncle, and she asked me to keep it on the down-low.

I was also feeling pretty down. I felt really sorry for my dad.

Finally, I told my little one that there are three main categories of things in this world: your own business, other people's business, and God's business. After all, parents get to make their own choices!

Give them the choice! Do your own thing, try to be strong, and don't let it affect you.

After the question, my friend wanted to buy a snack and posted it in his circle of friends. But, bless his heart, no one noticed the can he was showing off!

Sometimes, the thing itself is not easy to notice. That's what happened with my friend. He went out to eat again, but no one noticed the can he was showing off.

Instead, it's the background that catches our eye. You know, it's so important to think about what the theme of your life is and not let it distract you.

I love you, world! And I love you too, my dear friend!

Hello, I'm Smiling Pumpkin.

The more the questioner dwells on this unfortunate situation, the more distressed, anxious, and irritable he or she will become.

What can we do about this?

Should you tell your mother?

The original poster also said that this happened 10 years ago, and your mother made a scene, but life went on, so she must've known about your father's situation. In the end, your mother chose to tolerate it for the sake of the family.

The questioner should also respect your mother and not remove this veil of modesty.

Should you tell your husband?

It's best not to, first and foremost. Family scandals shouldn't be shared.

Second, you should keep an eye on how your husband treats your father-in-law. If he looks down on him, it'll reflect on you.

Is there a need for you to communicate with your father?

This is a must.

I still think you should communicate with your father. Advise him not to do this, as it will not only harm his family, but also others.

Finally, how is your father actually living this married life? The last sentence of the question makes it pretty clear.

If the elderly person has made a new choice, it's important to be understanding when communicating.

So the questioner should try talking to him more often to see if that helps.

Hello, question asker.

Given the circumstances, it is understandable that you would experience a range of emotions, including sadness and irritability. It is also possible that you may feel disbelief or shame.

I believe that every emotion has a reason, and that the reason for your many emotions is also very complicated.

It might be helpful to consider that your father may have been envisioned by you as taller and more brilliant than he currently is. It's possible that you're having a hard time accepting him in his current form.

It may be the case that both parents are important figures in our lives, and we hope that everyone can get along harmoniously and be happy.

It may be the case that you perceive your parents' difficulties as your own responsibility and feel compelled to assist in their resolution.

I have put forward some personal thoughts and suggestions, which I hope will be helpful to you.

Perhaps it would be helpful to accept that parents are also ordinary people.

In the eyes of every child, parents are seen as omnipotent and are considered everything to them. It is often the case that we would rather feel bad about ourselves than think badly of our parents.

It is often said that one of the hallmarks of maturity is the realization that parents are also ordinary people. As we grow and become more independent, we may find that our parents are just like us, facing challenges and limitations in life. They have their own shortcomings and struggles, just like anyone else.

As are most people in the world.

Secondly, it might be helpful to accept that you are also an ordinary person.

From what you've shared, it seems like you're genuinely interested in helping your parents work through their issues. It's important to remember that your parents have their own experiences, feelings, and thoughts, and have developed their own ways of coping. Even professional counselors may not be able to help them resolve their problems quickly, let alone you, who are not a professional counselor.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that you are not in a position to help them.

Thirdly, it would be helpful to learn to separate issues.

You can comfort your mother and talk to your father about your feelings, but it might be helpful to remember that you can't change them. It's possible that you won't have the same experiences of growth that they did as children, and it might be challenging to fully grasp the time they spent together before you were born.

Each of us lives in the world as an independent individual. While mutual help can be beneficial in many ways, ultimately, when it comes to facing one's inner self, it's important to recognize that we all have to rely on ourselves.

It might be helpful to remember that you are not responsible for solving their problems.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to find someone to talk to.

It might be helpful to consider that you are carrying a lot of emotions inside, and that it could be quite stressful to try to digest them all by yourself. It could be beneficial to talk to someone to relieve the pressure. As you mentioned, your husband may not be the best person to confide in at this time.

You may wish to speak with a sister who is in a similar situation, or you could consider finding a professional counselor or counselor.

My name is Haru Aoki, and I just wanted to say that I love you all, the world over.

Hello! It's like seeing you in person!

Your description makes it seem like something is weighing on your heart.

You value the family and your father's place in it.

Your mother's pleas for help and her words, which sound like confessions, and her discoveries from ten years ago have drawn you into this conflict between your parents. She is overwhelmed by emotions and wants you to support her.

We love your parents, and we can't bear to just watch. You chose to face it with your mother, but at the same time you took on some of her emotions. It's really hard to hug you again!

Your father said, "The relationship must be balanced. Don't let either party feel suppressed, or it will explode..."

In a dispute like this, everyone is a victim! The father knows what he's doing.

If you don't set boundaries in a relationship, it will lead to despair and destruction. That is why your father is telling you this with regret and love.

He is first and foremost himself.

This is a matter for the parents. As children, we can't do anything to help. We just need to be there for them. By understanding why they are the way they are, we can let go of our emotions and be better companions.

I'm worried about you. How will you manage all this on your own? Who will take care of you when you're sad, helpless, worried, or angry?

You can talk to others to resolve things. Even the closest people worry about being looked down upon.

If I could see you, I'd hold your hand and tell you, "It's not your fault. That was their choice. You are you, they are they."

You will never be looked down upon!

... ?

Good day, my name is Strawberry.

The questioner is distressed and anxious due to the circumstances surrounding his parents' marriage. Having also entered into matrimony and started a family of his own, he is acutely aware of the hallmarks of a harmonious family unit. He senses that the discord between his parents is affecting him as well.

Ten years ago, the questioner discovered that his father had textbooks belonging to other children in his vehicle. This does not appear to be a sufficient reason for his father to be unfaithful to his marriage. It is possible that he was simply trying to assist others out of goodwill. A few years ago, the questioner's mother discovered that her father was flirting with other women. This time, there were also audio recordings of their conversations. After the questioner's mother discovered this, she expressed her distress and made a fuss, but it seemed that that was the end of it.

The questioner's mother recently provided assistance to her sister in childcare, leaving the father, who was home alone, unaccounted for. Due to the use of vehicle tracking technology, the questioner suspects that the father has engaged in unethical behavior behind her mother's back, potentially for an extended period. After investigating her father's actions, the questioner feels strongly displeased and resistant.

Upon learning that your father has been unfaithful and spending time away from home, you are understandably distressed and resistant to his actions.

It is important to accept your emotions.

In terms of the father's past conduct, it could be perceived as a form of marital infidelity from the perspective of the questioner. At the time of the questioner's marriage, her father advised that the relationship between husband and wife should be balanced and that neither party should be suppressed, as this could potentially lead to a breakdown in the marriage. From this statement, it appears that the father was providing guidance to the questioner on how to navigate the dynamics of a marriage, but from another angle, the questioner's father seems to have lacked a sense of accountability.

This sentence indicates that he has grievances in the marriage and believes that your mother is the primary cause of his outburst. It is often the case that when there are conflicts in a marriage, both individuals are responsible for the issues that arise. If one party focuses on the shortcomings of the other without reflecting on their own role in the situation, it becomes difficult to resolve the conflict.

The reason for the questioner's annoyance and resistance to his father's behavior is due to the alignment of your values. Even in the event of an imbalance in the relationship between the mother and father in a marriage, the appropriate response is to strive for improvement, rather than engaging in acts of betrayal. It is therefore a natural reaction to accept one's emotions.

It is advisable to assist your parents to the best of your ability while maintaining a distance from their issues.

The questioner is keen to avoid a recurrence of this issue and has considered discussing it with her husband. However, she is concerned that he may view her actions as inadequate and that her actions may be discovered. In this context, it is understandable that she would have reservations about the loyalty of the marriage.

The original poster should initiate a discussion with her father and tactfully convey the importance of valuing the family unit. Any issues that cannot be resolved collectively should be addressed. With both you and your sister now having families of your own, your mother will require additional support as she transitions into her later years. It is essential to communicate promptly if any challenges arise. The desire for a harmonious relationship between all family members is a primary objective for you and your sister.

If your father still values your family, he will consider your perspective. If he no longer prioritizes family matters, it is advisable to refrain from further involvement and allow your parents to address their relationship independently. They are adults and should take responsibility for their actions.

While the questioner is their child, this is their own business. If they interfere too much, it will make the questioner feel that they have crossed a boundary with their parents. It is therefore also necessary to separate the subject from the parents.

It is recommended that they seek professional counseling.

The conflict between the parents has existed for many years. As the questioner stated, it was the mother who caused the father to suppress his emotions for an extended period. The father reached his limit and subsequently expressed his frustration. The mother's expectations of the father were excessive, and he was no longer willing to accommodate them. This could be beneficial because he is adept at expressing himself, but his approach is misguided. Following a disagreement with his mother, instead of actively seeking a solution, he redirected his attention to other individuals. This is where he becomes irresponsible.

The conflicts between them cannot be resolved in a few words by the original poster. Only through the mediation of professionals can they recognize that their current approach to the relationship is ineffective and work together to develop a more constructive one. This will allow your family to maintain harmonious relations.

One form of harm in an intimate relationship is the failure to acknowledge one's own mistakes. In the case of your parents, they may be able to identify shortcomings in their partner's behavior but may be reluctant to acknowledge their own shortcomings. When they adhere to their own positions, they may be hesitant to admit their own inner fears and inferiority. It is possible that this reluctance stems from an inferiority complex, which may manifest as a desire for security.

I hope this information is useful to the questioner. Best regards,