When I was young, I lived under a lot of stress. When I grew up and got married, I lost confidence. How can I solve this problem?

Dear questioner, From your description, I can see that you are unhappy and confused. These problems have been building up for a long time and still have a great impact on you.

I'm married with kids, but I don't feel in control. I'm still anxious and sad. This is hard on your body and mind. You know you have psychological issues, but you don't know what to do. Is that right?

1. You're in pain, depressed, and want to improve. Counseling could help. It's not just for people with mental illness. It's a great way to grow.

Psychological counseling helps us examine our past, deal with our emotions, and affirm our identity. It also gives us strength and tools to grow and move forward. It can be expensive, so try free or low-cost options first. I recommend "Moment Psychology." Try several counselors, find one you connect with, and persist for more than a year. It will be helpful.

2. To change someone's state of mind, we need to see if they lack positive mental energy or if they have trauma that they cannot handle.

As self-help, it is more likely to increase mental energy. This can be done by reading, exercising, and trying to calm your mood. You can also learn more about interpersonal skills and boost your self-confidence. However, if none of this works, you should seek professional help.

3. Make the most of the good relationships you have.

If you've had bad experiences in the past, focus on the good things in your life now. A loving partner, close friends, and a soft, warm child are all sources of love.

Embodying love in the body heals pain.

Physical pain and a busy life don't help with psychological distress. To understand yourself, let go of your pain, face your anxieties, and find a way forward with love, you have to do this.

Read "Meet the Unknown Self" to gain strength and courage.

Hello!

Host:

I've read the post and I can tell that the original poster has had a rough time growing up and has been through a lot. It's so brave of them to face their own feelings and seek help on the platform. I'm sure it'll help them understand themselves better and become more confident.

I'd love to share some of my thoughts and observations from the post, which I hope will help you to see yourself in a different light.

1. I'd love to know what external evaluation means to you.

In the post, the host mentioned that you always put others first and tend to neglect yourself. But I've noticed that you care deeply about your own feelings and what others think of you. You can't stand to hear a negative word. First of all, the host has a strong awareness of you and your inner self. I think this ability to perceive can also help you a lot in your future growth.

I'd love to chat with you next about why we're so sensitive to external evaluations. Psychologically speaking, our behavior is the external manifestation of psychological activity. So if we're so sensitive to other people's evaluations, there must be a hidden psychology behind this sensitivity.

I'd love to ask the original poster something. If someone gives you a positive evaluation, one that recognizes and affirms you, what kind of feelings and thoughts will you have?

And if others have a negative opinion of you, what are your feelings and thoughts? What does it mean to you to be rejected?

I think that if you think about these questions, it might help you to understand yourself a bit better. It's often the case that people are sensitive to other people's comments because they don't really know themselves very well. They tend to know themselves through the comments of others.

It's totally normal to want to feel valuable and worthy. Nobody wants to feel worthless, and it's okay to be sensitive. You might find it helpful to explore this area and see if it's a good fit for you.

2. Let's think about where our understanding of ourselves comes from.

It's totally normal to want to know ourselves better by understanding what others think. It's often because we don't have a clear picture of ourselves or a consistent internal sense of who we are.

And one of our evaluations of ourselves comes from our own understanding of ourselves. So, where does our own understanding of ourselves come from?

The host of this post realized it when he was a child. That's because when we're young, we don't have enough knowledge to understand ourselves. We're still young and haven't developed our mature thinking system yet.

So, at this time, we learn about ourselves by listening to what others say about us. If people tell us we're good, if we're liked and accepted

And if the nurturer's feedback to us is always negative?

Then, one thing we know about ourselves is that we are bad and worthless. So, for the poster, what you might want to do is to review your own growth experience from an adult perspective.

Take a moment to think about your childhood and see if there were any beliefs that weren't quite right. If there were, don't worry! You can replace them with some new, positive ideas.

3. And most importantly, love yourself!

When we were young, we didn't have the psychological nourishment we needed, so we grew up asking for it from others. But, as we all know, others are not under our control, and they may not be able to satisfy our psychological needs. At this point, it's important to remember that we have grown up and have the ability to try to satisfy our own needs and psychological nourishment.

Maybe you're thinking, "I don't know how to be satisfied." Well, that's okay! We can all learn how to be satisfied. And if you have the means, you can also leave professional matters to the professionals.

And if you need help, don't be afraid to seek it from professionals. But no matter what you choose, remember that your ultimate goal is to learn to love yourself.

Love is all about deep understanding and acceptance. So if you want to love yourself, you can start by embracing these two wonderful qualities.

I really hope these are helpful and inspiring for you, the original poster. If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach and enter a one-on-one chat service to get even better help.

Hello, my dear friend! I truly hope my answer can help you in some way.

I just want to say that you're already doing a great thing by asking this question. Psychology has given us so much, and the best thing it's done is make us more aware of ourselves. When we understand ourselves better, we can accept things more easily and change things we don't like. We can even find the meaning of life and realize our self-worth! So don't worry, everything will get better and better. You're already on the road to healing!

After reading your post, I feel like the first step is to find ways to let go of those long-held emotions that have been stuck in our hearts. It's also important to learn to love and care for ourselves, to pay attention to our own feelings, and to create happy experiences by recognizing our own strengths and values. When you do this, you'll start to feel more confident, your heart will become more stable, and you'll find that you don't care as much about what other people think. You'll be able to live more comfortably and easily. I've been there, and I know you can do it too!

I really want to help you, so here's my advice:

It's so important to develop the habit of releasing our emotions. We shouldn't keep them suppressed inside; we should let them out and release them in a way that we like.

It's totally normal to feel like you've got too many emotions bottled up inside. It can make us feel all kinds of ways, and it's important to remember that it's okay to let them out!

It's so important to remember that emotions aren't something we should suppress or try to suppress. They're not something that should erupt. They need to be channeled and released. Just as we need to eat every day to replenish our body's nutrients, we also need to replenish our mental nutrients through emotional release, or through methods that suit us and help us to become more harmonious and stable inside.

The Chinese medicine saying "pain means blockage" also applies to emotions. It's so true! When our emotions aren't flowing freely and are blocked, it can cause pain. But when we unblock our emotions and let them flow, they'll naturally feel less painful.

There are so many ways we can release our emotions!

There are so many ways we can release our emotions!

And make sure you have good friends around you who you can talk to about your worries and confusions.

It's so important to have good friends to turn to when you're feeling down. It's great to share your worries and confusion with the right people, and that means having friends who can give you support and encouragement, and who you feel comfortable with.

Go for a workout, do those sports you like, and relax your body and mind during exercise. You deserve it!

Writing is such a wonderful, therapeutic thing to do. Just let your feelings and thoughts flow onto paper. It's okay if your handwriting isn't perfect, and you don't have to worry about making it all make sense. Just let it all out and express yourself.

Writing is such a wonderful, therapeutic activity. Just let your inner feelings and thoughts flow onto paper. It's okay if your handwriting isn't perfect, and you don't need to worry about the logic of the content. Just go ahead and express yourself as much as you like.

Another great way to let out your anger is by punching pillows or sandbags!

You've got this!

Another great way to let go of your emotions is to use the empty chair technique. All you have to do is find a room, place an empty chair, and assume that the person you want to talk to is sitting in it. You can express yourself to the chair, and it's totally okay to feel any anger or frustration you're feeling.

2. It's so important to learn to accept and care for yourself, and to take care of your own feelings and needs.

It's totally normal to feel like you're not as good as other people, to put others first and neglect yourself. But it's also important to remember that you care a lot about your own feelings and what others think of you. This can make you feel vulnerable and inferior. So, it's good to learn to take care of your own feelings and needs too. Your feelings and needs are just as important as anyone else's, and your existence is valuable too!

I know it can be tough to express your feelings and needs, right? It does take a lot of strength and courage, and that courage and strength come from self-acceptance and self-care.

When you learn to accept yourself, your imperfections, and the real, objective, and complete you, something wonderful happens. Your inner being becomes more harmonious. And it's because you accept your imperfections that you're no longer afraid of others not accepting this perfect you. You're able to present this imperfect you in relationships with confidence.

It's okay to feel uncomfortable sometimes, and it's not always easy to find someone to comfort you. That's why it's so important to learn to take care of our own feelings. We can comfort, understand, support, and encourage ourselves just as we would a good friend. This is self-care. It's so important to remember that only by taking care of ourselves can we have the ability and energy to take care of others.

3. It's so important to recognize your own strengths and values, work hard to achieve your goals, and gradually build up your inner self-confidence and security through creating successful experiences.

We all have our own strengths and talents, but sometimes we don't see them. We get caught up in our shortcomings and end up feeling like we're not good enough. It's like some kids who are good at sports but always compare themselves to their grades. They feel worthless. But not Quan Hongchan! She sees her strengths and values them. She does her best to make the most of them. And guess what? She's already a world champion!

So, it's really important to recognize our own strengths, what we're good at, and then just go for it! Set yourself some achievable goals and work hard to achieve them. You'll be amazed at how your confidence grows and you'll see what a valuable person you are. I'm a great example of this. I found my strengths in writing and my passion for psychology and combined them. I set myself some goals that I could work hard to achieve every year and I worked hard to achieve them. I've gone from being a novice in psychology to becoming the top answerer on the platform, a heart exploration coach, and a certified writer! My confidence has grown and so has my sense of self-worth.

I truly believe that you can do it, and I know you can do it too! Come on, cheer up, and good luck!

Hello.

Pat on the shoulder: There's no rush. You can change your life at any stage. You just need to know where to start. When you know you want to change, you're already on your way. Just observe your emotions, listen to your inner voice, and life will regain its vitality and welcome change.

I lack self-confidence and feel pressure in life. I'm unsure how to build relationships. Is there hope for me?

When I was young, I lived under a lot of stress. When I grew up and got married, I lost my confidence. After giving birth to my child, I suffered from severe depression and developed a thyroid disease. I've come to realize that I need to take control of my life. I'm extremely unstable inside, and I can't face other people in society. I always feel like I'm inferior to others, and I always take care of other people first and ignore myself. But I've come to understand that I really care about my own feelings and what other people think of me. I can't stand to hear a negative word. I've lost all my friends, and I'm ready to make a change.

From a young age, I ignored my mentality and never knew what I really wanted or what I should stick to. My childhood experiences were different from most people's, and I had to figure out right from wrong on my own.

After carefully reading the questioner's description, it is clear that the main issues are a long-standing lack of self-confidence, coupled with depression, weakened social skills, and sensitivity to negative comments. The questioner is suffering from mental stress and is unable to resolve it himself. His emotions are trapped, and he needs to develop himself as he is now. He needs to decide whether it is right to get out of the low mood.

We don't like to hear negative comments about ourselves, no matter how generous we are. But some people successfully avoid the emotional tornado and maintain emotional balance. This brings us to the development of personality and character.

A person's personality and character will develop in a healthy and mature way if they are raised in a safe, healthy, and stable environment with positive guidance. Conversely, an unsatisfactory family or educational environment will negatively impact the healthy development of personality and character, which will then affect behavior patterns.

If a person fails an interview, they have two options: 1) give up and never apply again; 2) learn from the experience and try again. These experiences are internalized and form behavioral patterns.

Experience has shown us that negative evaluations are successful because they distract us from our true identity. When we change our perception patterns and organize our thoughts, we can control our emotions, not be disturbed by negative evaluations, and understand ourselves better.

Therefore, how one attributes, expresses, and accepts problems directly reflects one's attachment patterns. If one's attachment patterns are healthy, the more positive energy one will be able to draw on to help oneself out of difficult situations. Conversely, one may encounter more emotional distress and confusion.

"I have so few friends that I wish I could turn invisible and breathe freely..."

From this description, it is clear that the questioner is severely depressed, unable to feel love and understanding, and feels neglected. These feelings have likely been present throughout their life, and it is also possible that the depression has made their emotions even more depressed, but they are unable to interact with others normally, which cuts them off from connecting with people and the world. Our emotions cannot be expressed and flow very naturally, and people will feel a sense of being blocked. If someone around them at this time can patiently listen to themselves, then they can get out of the self-closing mode, open up communication, let negative emotions flow out, and gain mental relaxation and freedom.

This feeling comes from a lack of affirmation during our growth process. If we are repeatedly denied, it forms the feeling of "dare not express, lack of confidence, not good enough." This can also happen when we grow up. When we express our needs and are denied, it triggers a lack of confidence in our subconscious mind, and an internal emotional conflict arises.

Don't be discouraged. You are not the weak child you once were. You have improved in every way, and you can help yourself to achieve emotional peace and express your needs, establish a sense of inner security, build stable self-confidence, and develop a good self-esteem.

Take control of your life. You can build your inner confidence by doing things that make you feel good about yourself. When you have achieved small successes time and again, you will feel strong. You will be able to handle negative information. Interpersonal communication is a process of emotional interaction between two parties. You can show your sincerity and communicate with the other party openly and naturally. However, if the other party refuses or gives you negative information, remember that this is only an expression of their unmet needs. It does not mean that they do not like you. Your self-esteem will not be hurt.

The questioner should put a few psychology-related books by the bedside to read in the bedroom during the week. This will help to clear one's thoughts when they are confused and at the same time increase psychological knowledge about emotions. It's a win-win.

Read the recommended book: "Stop Internal Conflict" by Wakasugi.

You've got this! Keep up the good work!

Hello!

You feel like you can't trust yourself, and it's like your heart doesn't know where to rest.

"Severe depression after giving birth, and also developed a thyroid disease." Seeing that you mentioned physical discomfort, health comes first. I feel that the original poster also really wants to be able to regulate her emotions to see the power of self-healing within herself, and I'm here to help!

"I always feel inferior to others" and "I always put other people first" are two sentences you wrote next to each other.

It seems that a sense of inferiority has come out, and there is sadness in the heart. But don't worry! This is totally normal. We all feel this way sometimes. It's okay to feel this way. You are worthy of love and happiness. You are enough. You are strong. You are capable. You are amazing. You are enough.

Taking care of others is a wonderful thing! When you take care of others while also fulfilling your own needs, it's a win-win situation!

But if you sacrifice yourself to satisfy others, there will definitely be times when you cannot meet those expectations. You will feel frustrated, your emotions will not be able to withstand the pressure, and you will collapse. But that's okay! It's all part of the journey. Your heart will be filled with "I'm not good enough," but you are good enough!

That's why they become so desperate that they wish they could become invisible.

Breathe! Find your own peace!

The sentence "My childhood experiences were different from most people's" is full of possibilities and potential.

"Can't tell right from wrong" seems to be a rigid moral judgment system. You have internalized it in yourself, and now you have the chance to change it!

The "effective solution" is waiting for you within!

But the journey of self-discovery can be full of ups and downs, and you need a companion who can inspire you in your self-exploration!

Discover with you: the past may have been so fragmented, but it's never too late to learn to love yourself!

Absolutely!

I'd love to know more about the relationships involved in the "considering others" and "ignoring yourself" you mentioned. Is it with your mother-in-law?

And with my husband? And my family of origin?

And friends?

Some relationships may have made you feel bitter, but you can turn that around! You can face your sense of shame, talk about the difficult events, explore your inner feelings, and find the place in your heart where you are trying to shine.

The tone of the entire text is a bit heavy, but that's okay! There is no part of it that praises or boasts about myself.

There are so many other options besides waiting to be seen and loved! You can choose to love yourself!

I am a certified psychological writer and listener, Qinling, and I greet you with the three cats in my family!

Oh, where is the Qinling home when the clouds cross the sky? This heart belongs to the hometown! You can see the distant mountains smiling as the water flows on forever.

Good day. I am pleased to have this opportunity to share my views with you.

I can discern sincerity and determination to change in the words of the original poster. I commend you for your courage.

I empathize with the original poster's sentiments. This phenomenon is not an isolated case. In the context of a specific era, it appears that each of us has been "mass-produced" and assigned various roles since birth, and our life paths seem to have been predetermined. We just need to follow a certain fixed pattern to complete them. It all seems logical and reasonable, but we always feel that something is amiss, as if no one has ever inquired about our perspectives.

"Due to a lack of direction, I experience significant instability and an inability to interact with others in a social setting. I consistently perceive myself as inferior to others and prioritize the needs of others over my own, to the extent that I neglect my own needs. However, I genuinely care about my feelings and the opinions of others."

The distinction between "what I want to do" and "what I should do" reflects the subconscious pressure that helps us adapt to the objective world. However, if this pressure is excessive, it can lead to an automatic way of thinking, causing us to be overly cautious and worried. This can limit our talents and impede individual psychological development.

The internal instability here can be understood as a lack of consensus on values. For example, if I hold up a one-dollar coin and tell you that it is a hundred, you will not believe me, and you will not believe me even if I tell you a hundred times. However, if I say that you are a nasty person, you may start to doubt yourself, because you lack a definition of the word nasty and a firm value judgment on some things.

As you have stated that you consistently perceive yourself as shorter than others, I request that you direct the questioner to consider the definitions of "tall" and "short." Do you experience feelings of guilt towards others on a psychological level?

Do you still feel inferior to others? Is there a quantifiable standard in this world to measure whether someone is good or bad?

What about money and popularity?

What about money and popularity?

Please provide your height and weight.

Ultimately, it is challenging to assess individuals objectively. There are no absolute definitions of good or bad. Our perceptions of these terms are subjective. This lack of objective standards makes it difficult to determine the "correctness" of any evaluation.

In summary, the individual in question displays a tendency to prioritize the needs of others over their own, a strategy that may have developed during their formative years. This approach can offer certain advantages, such as being perceived as harmless and considerate, which may in turn gain favor with others and create a sense of security.

Prioritizing the needs of others is a strategy that your subconscious developed during your growth process. It can offer certain benefits. For instance, it can create an image of being "harmless and considerate," which is more acceptable to others and can gain their favor. This kind of transient favor can create an atmosphere of "safety" for you.

This situation is formed on the premise that your instinctive need for safety has not been met. In summary, you feel a severe lack of security. You also mentioned that you experienced a lot of stress during your upbringing. Stress means fear, and it means that you need more security to counteract this fear.

Additionally, you place a high value on the opinions of others, anticipating positive feedback to maintain a sense of security.

"I am unable to tolerate negative feedback, I am challenged in forming new relationships, and I am seeking a way to become more transparent so that I can focus on my personal growth."

In summary, the individual in question displays a tendency to prioritize the needs and opinions of others over their own, which may be a result of a lack of security and a desire to avoid negative feedback.

In a highly stressful environment, individuals may experience an instinctive desire to escape. This state of severe insecurity can make the body extremely vulnerable, and it can also impair one's ability to discern even the slightest negative input.

In summary, the individual in question has a strong need for security, which is not being met. This is causing stress and anxiety, which in turn is affecting their ability to form relationships and cope with negative feedback.

"I was uncertain about my objectives and lacked clarity on which ones to prioritize."

Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory categorizes human needs from low to high into the following five categories: physiological needs, safety needs, social needs, respect needs, and self-fulfillment needs. These needs are universally applicable. The questioner can identify areas of deficiency and also ascertain their desired outcomes.

It is important to note that the majority of these needs can only be met through interpersonal interactions. Therefore, it is essential to have good interpersonal relationships in place to support mental health development. This includes parent-child relationships, spousal relationships, and other intimate relationships.

Personality formation is a long-term process with stability. It is not something that can be changed overnight. The objective of psychological counseling is to establish a good relationship, allow the client to repair trauma, reshape perceptions, enhance the sense of experience, and ultimately facilitate self-growth in the company of a counselor.

My name is Xiao Dong, and I am a licensed psychological counselor. I wish you a happy life!