When you collide with the world as your true self, do you find yourself lacking?

Hello.

I am Timyi.

First of all, I'm going to give you a warm hug!

From your description, it is clear that Dad is a chauvinist with a serious mindset, prone to temper tantrums and emotional outbursts. Mom is more careless, somewhat dependent, and not very capable.

Mom and Dad have very little communication, no emotional interaction, and no common direction. When they encounter disagreements, Dad gets angry and throws things, while Mom feels aggrieved and has nowhere to vent her complaints, so she can only talk to you.

You need proper guidance, and I am confident that you will receive effective help at Yiyi Psychology to facilitate your growth.

I will discuss the issue you raised in the following areas, and I am confident that it will be helpful.

[About conflicts]

Your parents quarreled all the time. No matter what the reason, quarreling expressed contradictions.

Marxist philosophy teaches us that contradictions are universal and exist everywhere and at all times. This is the law of humanity. Your parents did not view contradictions in the right light and lacked the knowledge and methods to resolve them. They had too many differences, each with their own emotions, and failed to recognize that behind the emotions were needs that needed to be seen and cared for.

Dad loses his temper, yells at Mom, and slams the door behind him. Mom complains, but dares not express it to Dad, only to you. Their fights scare you, and they scare you a lot. You don't feel love and warmth from them, and you also can't effectively deal with their attitudes and methods of dealing with conflicts.

[About emotions]

Your emotions are as follows:

1. When your mother brings you your clothes, she falls down a steep slope and gets blood on her face, making you feel full of guilt.

2. She knows there is no love in her heart and feels extremely insecure.

3. She feels powerless when her mother complains, seeing that her father has never cared about her mother.

4. Mom's hand was bitten by a snake, but she insisted on cooking dinner. Dad didn't even offer to help, which made her angry.

5. She hates her father and will go cold war with him, ignoring him no matter what he says.

6. She is just as hot-tempered as her father and gets angry over trivial matters.

7. She feels extremely sensitive, with every nerve ending on end. She will hide herself and show her best side. Without an inner self, she will also suffer serious internal depletion and has a very high sense of morality.

B. Psychological knowledge about emotions

1. Two important concepts

Emotion is an attitude, an experience of objective things, a corresponding behavioral response, and a psychological activity mediated by individual desires and needs.

Emotional granularity is the ability to distinguish between defined emotions and to distinguish between one's own emotions and those of others. It is the key to emotional intelligence.

2. There are two types of parents who ignore emotions.

The first reason is a lack of ability to cope with emotions. This is often the result of a lack of emotional ability, whether conscious or unconscious.

Typically, parents exhibit similar behavior patterns.

The origin of negative emotions is clear.

The fact is, relevant psychological theories tell us that emotion regulation begins in infancy. You were in a negative mood due to your parents' quarrels and did not receive better regulation. As a result, the emotions produced at that time became non-adaptive primitive emotions that were preserved.

2. Your parents didn't care about you. You lacked love and care, and grew up feeling insecure.

3. Mom and Dad avoid arguments by not considering their feelings. They think that as long as they don't move, they'll be safe.

4. Mom and Dad don't listen and can't empathize.

[About parents]

Mom and Dad have not reached a sufficient mental age. They are deficient in many areas, including cognition, behavior, and emotions.

Dad is a male chauvinist who thinks his job is to earn money, that housework is not his business, that he has not educated you and cannot guide you in life. He also cannot deal with conflicts rationally.

Your mother dressed you lightly because she was not afraid of the cold. However, when she was young, she often shivered in the winter. When you didn't want to go to school, and the teacher called your parents, your mother said she had no time because she had to plant rice. After an argument with your father, she complained to you...

We all have shortcomings and make mistakes. Your parents are no exception. They did the best they could, despite their shortcomings. Your father worked hard to earn money and take responsibility for the family, while your mother worked the land without complaint.

They have done their best to raise you, send you to school, and even though Dad is a bit of a macho man, he is also a bit afraid of you. This shows that they care about you, and you should be grateful for that.

C. Growth requires nutrients. Mom and Dad gave us life and raised us, but they can't give much anymore. We can let go of our complaints, go to school, and go to the big classroom of society to absorb useful nutrients and learn knowledge, learn how to be a person, and learn how to do things. We will.

[Emotional management]

It is essential to understand that negative feelings are influenced by a number of factors, including our perceptions, emotions, tolerance, and ways and abilities to deal with setbacks.

Emotions can be managed. I learned this and more in my training as a listener, and I'm here to share it with you.

1. Improve emotional granularity, feel, name, and express emotions (the higher the emotional granularity, the more stable the emotions).

2. Understand the emotions behind cognitive-emotion ABC theory (different perceptions of events lead to different emotions).

3. Emotional self-discipline: We control our emotions. We can adjust negative emotions.

The above is theoretical knowledge. You can also do exercises to improve the granularity of emotions and regulate emotions. Follow these steps:

1. Assume the other person is innocent and put them in the right position.

2. Express your empathy by describing the event, feelings, and suggestions.

3. Identify the root cause of the emotion.

You can also practice changing your mindset.

Step 1: Write down your thoughts.

Step 2: Four questions and reversals.

Question 1: It must be true.

Question 2: You must be 100% sure that this is true.

Question 3: When you believe that thought, how do you react? What happens?

Question 4: Think about this. What would you be like if you didn't have that thought?

Step 3: Reverse your thinking. Transform the original idea into its opposite and think about it.

You can also do preventive stress training, deep breathing exercises, and intentional dialogue exercises. Stop the horse.

If you need it, you can also seek professional help from a counselor to promote your growth.

I am confident that my sharing has been helpful!

The world and I love you.

Greetings, question asker. My name is June Lai Feng.

Your description suggests that you were raised in an environment that was lacking in love and security. It is evident that your feelings and reactions are a reflection of the impact that your upbringing has had on your character and psychological state.

A paucity of care and security during one's formative years, coupled with an unstable family environment, may indeed have precipitated challenges in one's emotional, social, and self-perception.

First and foremost, it is imperative to understand that the notion of being unloved is a fallacy. The existence of a desire and pursuit of love within an individual is a testament to the fact that they possess the capacity to feel and give love.

Secondly, the absence of care and emotional attention from one's parents during childhood may have resulted in feelings of emotional deprivation and insecurity, leading to heightened sensitivity and gratitude towards others.

Furthermore, the pervasive discord between your parents and your father's proclivity for male chauvinism and irascibility have fostered a state of chronic tension and apprehension. This milieu has shaped your avoidant personality, engendering a tendency to safeguard yourself through avoidance. In addition, your mention of an avoidant personality and a proclivity for anger evinces an unconscious emulation of your father's volatile temperament.

However, these behaviors are not conducive to optimal mental health or the development of healthy interpersonal relationships.

It is our intention to assist you in gaining a deeper comprehension of your emotional and behavioral patterns, with a view to facilitating personal growth and development.

First, we will consider the perspective of attachment theory.

Attachment theory posits that the relationship between a child and its primary caregiver during the early stages of childhood has a profound impact on the child's subsequent attachment style and social relationships in adulthood. The lack of warmth and support in the family environment you describe may have led to the development of an insecure or avoidant attachment style.

This attachment style may render one susceptible to experiencing interpersonal relationships as challenging and impeding the formation of deep emotional connections.

The following advice is offered:

1. Self-Reflection: It is essential to recognize one's attachment style and gain insight into its formation.

2. Build Trust: It is recommended that one attempts to establish a trusting relationship with others in a gradual manner, beginning with simple acts of intimacy such as sharing secrets or feelings, and subsequently increasing the depth of communication over time.

3. Seeking support: It is advisable to cultivate a support network of individuals with whom one can share one's feelings and experiences.

Secondly, the cognitive behavioral therapy perspective is considered.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) posits that there is a reciprocal relationship between cognition, affect, and behavior. The beliefs you mentioned, such as "no love within" and "extreme insecurity," may be examples of negative automatic thoughts that have been formed as a result of past experiences.

The following advice is offered:

1. Challenge negative thinking: When negative automatic thoughts arise, it is advisable to stop and question their validity, and replace them with more positive and realistic thinking.

2. Behavioral Experiment: Test and modify outdated cognitive patterns by engaging in new behaviors. For instance, proactively engage with others and observe whether the outcome is as unfavorable as initially anticipated.

Once more, the perspective of emotion regulation is presented.

Emotion regulation refers to an individual's capacity to manage and modify their emotional state when it is intense. The emotional responses described, such as hypersensitivity and irritability, may be indicative of inadequate emotion regulation.

It is recommended that:

1. Emotional Awareness: The initial step towards effective emotion management is the ability to recognize and understand one's emotions.

2. Calm techniques: Engage in deep breathing, meditation, or other relaxation techniques to facilitate emotional regulation when emotions are intense.

3. Positive Coping: It is recommended that individuals develop positive coping strategies, such as exercise, journaling, or engaging in a hobby, as an alternative to negative emotional outlets.

Then, the perspective of self-care is introduced.

Self-care entails exhibiting compassion and understanding toward oneself, as opposed to engaging in self-criticism. The assertion that one is a "hollow person" may signify a tendency to neglect one's emotional needs.

The following suggestions are offered for your consideration:

1. Self-acceptance: It is important to accept one's imperfections and recognize that everyone has shortcomings, which is a common characteristic of the human experience.

2. Self-reward: Establish incremental objectives and offer oneself positive reinforcement upon attaining them to enhance one's sense of self-worth.

3. Self-growth: Investment in personal development, whether through education, training, or personal interests, can enhance self-confidence and self-esteem.

In conclusion, given the considerable impact of the situation on the individual's daily life and mental health, it is strongly advised that the individual seek the assistance of a professional counselor.

It should be noted that requesting assistance is indicative of strength and represents a crucial phase in the journey towards wellbeing and contentment.

It is important to note that change is a process that requires time and effort. It is not reasonable to expect that all problems can be solved immediately; rather, the process should involve a gradual adjustment of mindset and behavior.

By maintaining a belief in one's abilities and persevering in one's efforts, it is possible to gradually extricate oneself from a challenging situation and lead a healthier and happier life.

I extend my warmest regards to you and wish you a life filled with joy and contentment.

Your upbringing was undoubtedly challenging and difficult. You experienced feelings of loneliness, unease, and helplessness. But you have grown up strong. You have survived. You have thrived. You are strong. You are resilient. You are indomitable.

You are loved. You feel and appreciate even the smallest kindnesses, which shows you long for love and know how to cherish it. You are sensitive, which means your emotional world is rich and profound.

You may feel like a "hollow person," but you are not. That heart is just wrapped up in layers to protect itself from harm.

It's normal to lack security. Childhood experiences have a profound impact on people.

You can rebuild your sense of security. Create some stable daily habits for yourself, such as a regular life rhythm, a healthy diet, regular exercise, and even simple diary entries. These are all ways to care for yourself and will help you build a sense of inner stability.

Take it slow when it comes to relationships, especially building friendships. Share lighthearted topics with others, listen to them, and express your feelings when you're ready.

Sincerity and patience are the keys to making friends. You will find that there are many people in the world who are willing to understand and accept you.

It is crucial to understand the limitations of your parents and the influence of your family environment. Everyone has their own background and limitations, including your parents.

They may not fully know how to express love or deal with emotions. This does not mean you have to accept all their behavior. Understand their limitations and move on.

Take control of your emotions. When you feel angry or anxious, take a deep breath, calm down, and identify the real needs behind these emotions.

Everyone's growth is a journey, and there will inevitably be storms along the way. These experiences shape the unique you. Give yourself time and space, and you will find the ability to step out of the shadows of the past and embrace a brighter, warmer future.

You are not alone. You will always have someone to help you and support you on this journey of self-discovery and healing.

Good morning, my name is Qu Huidong and I am a psychological counselor who believes in the power of images to convey messages.

The questioner began by sharing her memories of her mother's attitude towards her, recalling instances of feeling neglected during her childhood and adolescence. She then went on to describe the source of her violent temper, citing her father's influence. It also made us understand that an unloved, busy, and helpless mother can hardly bestow love on her children. Due to the lack of warmth and care in the family, the questioner feels that she has not had the opportunity to develop a sense of love and security within herself. This has led to feelings of being extremely insecure and sensitive. She has found it challenging to navigate social interactions, has developed an avoidant personality, and has not yet had the chance to nurture her inner self.

I would like to commend the questioner for being aware of their emotional problems and character flaws. It is not easy to recognize these issues, so I applaud the questioner for taking the first step in addressing them.

It is also important to acknowledge that the process of improvement can be challenging. When faced with patterns that are unfamiliar to you, it is natural to feel concerned and uncertain, and you may have to navigate the inevitable discomfort of change.

So, how might one navigate this challenging path to a well-developed personality? In my experience, it can be difficult to move forward on one's own. Seeking the guidance of a trusted psychological counselor can provide valuable support in understanding and managing emotions, as well as developing more effective coping strategies.

It is also worth noting that by establishing a trusting and stable relationship with a counselor, we can help to rebuild a secure attachment relationship.

If you are unable to attend counseling at this time, you may wish to consider the following alternatives:

I would like to suggest that you read the book "Nonviolent Communication." While the book does teach communication methods, its main focus is on helping us understand our own internal needs and learn to love ourselves better.

Secondly, it may be helpful to keep track of three good things for 21 days. You might consider spending 10 minutes each day reviewing the things that happened to you or that you saw or heard that made you happy during the day. You can record one to three things, with a maximum of three and a minimum of one sentence: "I remember that today I will remember three good things." Even if the day was challenging, by writing this sentence, you are also telling yourself that you are trying to do things that love yourself.

Another suggestion is to try to establish a regular routine, eat well, sleep well, exercise appropriately, and learn to take care of yourself, which could help to improve the quality of life.

One possible way to make a method effective is to act and do it, even if it is just a small thing. It may be that perseverance will have a significant impact.

I wish you the best of luck!

Dear question asker,

How might I "enable me to deal with the contradictions in life with reasonable emotions and rationality, not let excessive negative emotions interfere with me, and form a sound personality and mature way of dealing with things?" I'd be grateful for any advice.

From the way the parents got along with each other in the original family, and the way they got along with you, as described in the question, it seems that the questioner grew up in a family environment that could have benefited from more love. It is often the case that a child who has not been loved in childhood does not know how to express their love when they grow up.

It is often said that parents are our earliest teachers and those who have the greatest influence on us. When parents are unable to love each other in their lives, it can leave children feeling helpless and unable to help their disadvantaged mother.

It might be said that you have unintentionally adopted a character trait you disliked about your father: his irritability.

Perhaps the key is recognizing how your irritable character has affected your life and taking steps to make positive changes. Here are a few suggestions for how you can start making these shifts:

1. Consider modifying the way you express your anger.

It is often said that a person's personality is relatively difficult to change after the age of 25. While we may still experience irritability when things go wrong, we can choose to express it in a way that is less harmful to others.

Take a moment to reflect on how you used to express your anger. Perhaps you would shout at people, throw things, or engage in other actions that you regretted afterwards. If so, try listing them one by one and consider ways you could express your anger without harming others.

As an example, when I feel the urge to express my frustration verbally, I can take a moment to take ten deep breaths and identify which part of my body is feeling the heat and how it changes. Then I can choose to say what I want to say in a calm tone of voice.

With regular practice, you will gradually replace old behavior patterns with new ones. It is natural to repeat old behaviors from time to time, but try not to be discouraged and encourage yourself more.

2. Explore your own strengths

In addition to being somewhat sensitive, what are your strengths? Take the time to identify them and you will likely find something positive about yourself.

If you can identify these strengths, you will undoubtedly feel more confident. You may even wish to praise yourself three times a day.

3. Consider learning to love yourself and love others.

Although we may have experienced a lack of love from our parents when we were young, now that we are grown up, we have the opportunity to love ourselves and others. For example, we can keep a pet and experience the joy and sense of belonging that comes with needing and being needed in the process of caring for it.

3. It may be helpful to allow negative emotions to exist and see your inner needs through your emotions.

It might be helpful to remember that all kinds of human emotions are related to the environment and are a normal expression of a person. If you can see it, you might be able to identify your own inner needs through your emotions.

For instance, you may be feeling irritable. This could be due to a past hurt, a lack of recognition, or a desire for respect from others.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider ways of satisfying our inner needs. Is it about trying to get others to recognize and respect us?

It is still up to us to work on improving our ability to seek within, with the hope that we can change our outward-looking mindset to an inward-looking one. When your focus shifts from the outside to the inside, it is often the case that your emotions will be relatively stable.

4. If you feel that you still need help to make a change, you can seek the support of a psychological counselor.

Please note that the above is for reference only.

I hope this is helpful. Wishing you well!

I understand that you are experiencing deep emotional distress stemming from past family circumstances that have undoubtedly left their mark on your soul. But I also know that you can look at these experiences from a fresh perspective and draw strength from them to move on!

First, I want to tell you something really important. Your experiences and feelings are totally real and they matter a great deal. They have shaped you and made you the amazing person you are today!

Those experiences may have brought pain and uncertainty, but they also gave you resilience and courage! These qualities will help you move forward on your path.

Next, I would love for you to try to look at these experiences from a more positive, growth-oriented perspective. You can see them as an exciting exercise and a challenge, rather than simply as suffering.

Every difficulty is an opportunity for growth! By facing and overcoming these difficulties, you will become stronger and more mature.

I'm excited to suggest the following steps to help you on your journey!

1. Embrace your emotions!

It's totally normal to feel a lack of love and security within yourself. The good news is that these feelings are not your fault and are not something you cannot change!

The first step is to accept your emotions and understand the reasons behind them. This will help you gain a clearer understanding of yourself and find ways to solve problems!

2. Find your inner strength!

There is a powerful force within you. It may come from your resilience, courage, wisdom, or belief in the future. And it's there for you to unleash!

Discover this amazing power and let it become your driving force! When you feel confused and helpless, stop, take a deep breath, feel the power within, and let it guide you forward.

3. Set yourself up for success with a positive lifestyle!

An active lifestyle is a great way to help you better cope with the challenges in life! You can try to cultivate some healthy habits, such as regular work and rest, healthy eating, and moderate exercise.

These habits are great for more than just your physical health. They also help you feel great emotionally and boost your positivity about life!

4. Develop social skills

Good social skills are essential for personal growth and development—and they're totally within your reach! You can try to actively communicate with others and share your feelings and experiences.

Connecting with others is a great way to gain emotional support and help, as well as learn more life experience and wisdom. And there's more! You can also participate in social activities or groups to expand your social circle and make more like-minded friends.

5. Set and achieve goals!

Setting and achieving goals is a great way to move forward in a more targeted way. You can set short-term and long-term goals based on your interests and strengths, and then watch your dreams come true!

Then, get ready to put your plan into action! You've got this! Along the way, you might face some hurdles, but remember, you can do it! Keep going, and you'll reach your goals.

These successful experiences will boost your self-confidence and sense of accomplishment, and make you more determined than ever to move forward!

6. Learn to let go and forgive!

Letting go of the past and forgiving others are the keys to moving forward! You need to understand that the past cannot be changed, and dwelling on the past will only cause you endless pain. So, let's move forward together with a positive attitude and a firm belief!

So, get ready to let go of the baggage of the past and lighten your load! And while you're at it, learn to forgive others for their mistakes.

Forgiveness is an amazing thing! It doesn't mean forgetting or condoning the wrongdoings of others. It means choosing to let go of resentment and hatred and face the future with a more tolerant and inclusive attitude.

Finally, I want to tell you that the road ahead is full of amazing things! It will have some challenges, but as long as you maintain a positive attitude and firm belief, you will be able to overcome any difficulties and realize your dreams. Your experiences have made you stronger and more mature, and these valuable assets will accompany you through every stage of your life.

So, believe in yourself and go forward bravely! You can do it!

In light of the deeply personal experiences and emotional distress you have described, I empathize with your situation and recognize that you are seeking change and growth. I hope the following suggestions will be helpful in dealing with these emotions and challenges:

1. **Consider seeking professional help**: You may find it helpful to speak with a counselor or psychologist. They can provide guidance on how to address emotional challenges and past experiences.

2. **Self-acceptance**: It can be helpful to accept your past and current situation, and to recognize that these experiences have shaped you, but that they do not define you. Everyone has their own story, and you are not alone.

3. **Build self-awareness**: It may be helpful to take the time to get to know yourself, including your strengths, weaknesses, values, and goals. Many people find that self-awareness is an important step in personal growth.

4. **Learn emotional management**: It may be helpful to consider learning more about emotional management. This can be done in a variety of ways, including reading books, attending workshops, or consulting a professional.

5. It might be helpful to consider building a support network. Even if you don't currently have friends, there are many ways to connect with others, such as joining interest groups, community activities, or online communities.

6. **Social skills development**: It might be helpful to learn and practice social skills such as how to start and maintain conversations and how to establish and maintain relationships.

7. **Self-expression**: It may be helpful to find healthy ways to express your emotions and thoughts, such as keeping a diary, drawing, music, or other creative activities.

8. **Change thinking patterns**: It may be helpful to identify and consider changing any negative thinking patterns you may have, such as self-criticism or overgeneralization. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) could be a good place to start.

9. **Self-development**: It may be helpful to set personal growth goals, whether they be professional, emotional, or personal interests.

10. **Practice self-compassion**: Consider learning to show compassion and understanding towards yourself, just as you would a good friend.

11. It would be beneficial to maintain a healthy lifestyle that includes a regular diet, adequate sleep, and regular physical activity.

12. **Learn conflict resolution**: Learning effective conflict resolution skills can help you maintain a calm and rational outlook when faced with conflicts and challenges.

13. **Set boundaries**: It may be helpful to consider learning to set boundaries for yourself and protect yourself from the negative influence of others.

14. **Continuous learning**: It is beneficial to maintain an open mind and engage in ongoing learning and personal growth. We all possess the capacity to evolve and flourish.

15. Consider engaging in a daily practice of gratitude. Take time to reflect on the positive aspects of your life, regardless of their size.

It is important to remember that change and growth are gradual processes that require time and patience. While it is not realistic to expect to solve all problems overnight, every small improvement should be celebrated.

It is also important to consider seeking professional help, as professionals can provide more specific guidance and support.

Perhaps a hug would be helpful? I sense that the poster is experiencing a range of challenging emotions, including feelings of oppression, anxiety, fear, and helplessness. In response to the poster's question, I believe the most helpful advice would be to encourage acceptance and permission.

Parents often give their children permission to be imperfect, to accept that not everything that happens to them is their fault, and to feel whatever emotions they are experiencing. It can be helpful to try to do the same with your own children, and with yourself. When we accept and allow ourselves to feel distress caused by the words, actions, and emotions of the people around us, it can help us to feel more confident and less distressed.

People who enjoy the sun tend to avoid the shadows. The questioner may be concerned about being negatively affected by others. On the one hand, they may benefit from accepting themselves to strengthen their hearts and confidence. On the other hand, they may find it helpful to limit their exposure to people and situations that evoke negative emotions. If avoidance is not feasible and discomfort arises, it may be valuable to express one's feelings and thoughts through words and actions. This can help the other person understand the underlying issue and prevent the questioner from internalizing and experiencing distress.

This is an acceptable approach in both home and social settings.

Should the questioner feel that these suggestions are insufficient, they may wish to consider seeking the guidance of a qualified psychological counselor. Such a professional could assist in identifying and addressing the underlying issues that are causing distress, with the aim of promoting a happier and more fulfilling life. The above are personal opinions, offered for the questioner's consideration.

Hello. The word "collision" in the title indicates that you have faced significant challenges along the way. It seems that there are barriers everywhere, making it difficult to integrate and connect.

You were deprived of love, or you had to fight for your parents' attention through other people (teachers). Your parents' arguments and your father's indifference and temper made you feel extremely insecure. When I read the sentence "My world came to a standstill. If I just stay still, will I be safe?", I really feel for that little girl full of fear.

Your experience also reminds me of a book, "Be Like a Bird and Fly to Your Mountain." The author, Tara, lived in a family full of control and even abuse. Not only did she not receive love, but she also did not have the freedom to choose her own learning and lifestyle. She later discovered that the most terrifying thing was actually being deprived of the right to "define herself." Tara has always used repression, avoidance, and rationalization to cope with her pain, and to a certain extent, she has even denied her own pain.

When she finally left home as an adult and entered the wider world, the first time someone spoke gently to her, she felt sadness and anger, not joy. She realized that the harsh treatment she had received in the past was unjustified.

You feel like an empty person without an inner self. This is the result of a lack of love in your upbringing. Your attention is always focused on your parents' moods and actions. You have been unable to form the belief that "I can also have my own needs." Avoidance is a mode of self-protection. If you don't have expectations, you can't be disappointed or hurt.

Healing the wounds left by past experiences requires patience and time to rebuild new experiences. First of all, human development is a lifelong process. This means that although we are influenced by our childhood experiences, we also have the opportunity to develop a new self.

You have now seen your own predicament and are determined to break free from the shackles of negative experiences. You are already beginning to construct a new self. Self-awareness and self-care are the most important foundations for rebuilding.

You need to deal with your emotional reactions in a more rational way. Try some exercises. One simple method is to keep a record in four columns: the specific life situation; your emotional and behavioral response (your own perception of an overreaction); the way you thought at the time; and now, when you think about it again, what would be an alternative way of thinking.

For example, suppose you say hello to a colleague and he doesn't respond. This makes you feel angry, and you think about it for a long time. You think he looks down on you and that you're ignored and insignificant. An alternative way of thinking is that his lack of response doesn't mean he looks down on you.

He wasn't like that before. He was probably thinking about something else and didn't notice.

My current reaction is imprinted from childhood. I have now grown up and have more choices. If I need to, I will tell the other person what I think. I am not dependent on others and do not have to be as careful as when I was a child watching my parents' faces.

Practice mindfulness in a systematic way. Don't judge yourself or accept yourself. Allow a new self to grow.

Hello, I am Li Di, and I am grateful for our encounter.

Your mother was powerless and your father indifferent in your family. Your parents did not give you a secure environment. Your memories of growing up are painful. Now you find yourself to be an avoidant personality. You also do this to survive better and make yourself feel secure. I feel very sorry for you, but you will survive. You are now unusually sensitive. You feel like a hollow person, helpless and hopeless. Now you want to rationally deal with the conflicting emotions in your life, so that excessive negative emotions do not interfere with you. Form a sound personality and a mature way of dealing with things. It is great to have these thoughts. As I read it over and over again, I also had some thoughts, which I hope to discuss with you.

First, I sorted out and remembered my original family, which helped me understand the formation of my avoidant personality. I then wondered if I could accept this personality trait of mine because it wasn't my fault and it wasn't even my parents' fault. They also had their own issues that they couldn't solve. For now, I can accept myself, tell myself that it hasn't been easy growing up, and give myself a hug.

Second, I was helpless and powerless in the face of my parents' personalities and ways of dealing with things. I can recall how I grew up, what I thought, and what I said to myself every time I felt helpless. From another perspective, as I grew up and interacted with others, I hid myself and showed my best side. This best side is actually a side of my true self.

This is also a source of my own strength, which has nothing to do with my parents. It's just a side of me that I want to be and have already achieved. This clearly indicates that I have a strength within myself that I just haven't noticed.

Third, ask yourself what you need from your parents. If they can't meet your needs, you can meet them on your own.

The above discussion is just another perspective for you to consider. If any of it makes you feel uncomfortable, you can ignore it. These are just assumptions.

Let's explore the underlying psychological mechanisms behind your feelings and needs together. This will help you better understand and accept yourself.

Your narrative reveals a strong sense of loneliness and a clear desire to be understood. You describe a family environment that lacks warmth and support, which undoubtedly led to you feeling emotionally neglected and isolated.

You have a fundamental need to be seen, heard, understood, and loved and accepted unconditionally. Everyone has the right to these basic emotional needs.

Your avoidant personality is a self-protective mechanism that helps you avoid being hurt even more. And your extreme appreciation of the goodwill of others is likely because you rarely feel such warmth.

This gratitude is rooted in a deep longing for connection and care. The internal conflict and heightened sense of morality you mentioned reflect the high standards you set for yourself. You set these standards as a way of trying to compensate for the lack of affirmation and recognition you received as a child.

Your sensitivity means you are very alert to the world around you. This can be both a burden and a strength. It can make you more aware of the emotions of others, but it can also make you more vulnerable.

Your heart is searching for balance. You want to remain open and sensitive without being overwhelmed by negativity.

Dealing with these emotions and forming a more mature personality is possible with the following methods.

Explore and get to know yourself. Expressing your feelings and thoughts through journaling, drawing, or other creative outlets helps you understand your inner world.

Develop self-compassion. Accept your feelings. Tell yourself that your feelings are reasonable. You have the right to feel this way. You deserve to be respected and loved.

Join a support group or find friends who understand you and share your experiences and feelings with them. Having someone to listen can be a great comfort.

You must learn new communication skills. This includes learning how to express your needs and how to listen and understand others.

Seek professional help. Psychological counseling provides a safe space to explore your feelings and learn how to deal with them.

Practice mindfulness and self-regulation. When you feel emotional swings, practice deep breathing, meditation, or other relaxation techniques to help yourself return to the present moment and reduce your attachment to the past and worries about the future.

You are worthy of respect and value. Your worth does not depend on your actions or achievements alone. It comes from your fundamental existence as a human being.

Set boundaries. Learn to say "no" to protect yourself from negative influences and create a more supportive and nurturing environment for yourself at the same time.

Face your fears gradually. It may be difficult, but you can do it. Gradually exposing yourself to situations that make you feel uneasy will help you overcome avoidance behavior patterns.

Take care of yourself. Get enough rest, eat a balanced diet, and exercise regularly.

You can do this. Change takes time and patience, and every small step forward is worth celebrating. You have already shown great courage by being willing to face and express your feelings, and this is a great start.

Your feelings are real, your needs are important, and you are not alone. You can do this!

I hope my answer is helpful. You deserve all the good things in life, and you are worthy of them!

Hello, question asker!

From what I can see, you are an excellent observer! You have a remarkable ability to notice and track the emotional changes of others.

The great news is that there is no essential connection between one's own happiness and the emotions of others (including parents). This means we do not need to be responsible for the emotions of others!

When we were young, we had some pretty interesting ideas about our mothers' emotions. We thought that they smiled because we were good and frowned because we were disobedient. In fact, we thought that we were responsible for our mothers' emotions! But as we grew up, we learned that our mothers' emotions were influenced by so many different things. They could be happy or sad for many reasons, like feeling unwell, cooking a delicious meal, or remembering a sad event from the past. It's amazing how our understanding of emotions has evolved!

From another perspective, even if I really can decide whether someone is happy or not, where is the autonomy and dignity of the other person? This is actually an insult to the other person's self-esteem – but it also presents us with a fantastic opportunity to show them some love and support!

When you were young, you observed the emotions of many parents, and at that time, you probably felt that their emotions were caused by you and that you had to do something to appease their emotions. Now it seems that this is not the case! Their emotions may have nothing to do with you, and you are not responsible for their emotions.

They are adults and should be responsible for their own emotions. And guess what? Even if their emotions are caused by other people, they are still their own emotions and they are responsible for them!

The amazing thing about emotions is that they're something you experience alone. It's a unique feeling that only you can experience. Even if someone can empathize with you, they have their own emotions, and you have yours. It's so important to be responsible for your own emotions!

Good day. Thank you for your inquiry.

In today's fast-paced world, everyone desires to be understood and to have someone truly connect with their inner world and perceive those deep emotions and thoughts. When I read your story, I empathize with you and try to understand your experiences.

Your account indicates a profound sense of loneliness and confusion. The experiences you had in childhood left you with a perception of being unloved and insecure, which has persisted over time.

I can sense your desire for a family unit and the love and support that would come from having parents. However, the reality of your situation has led to feelings of helplessness. This lack of affection has made you sensitive and vulnerable, but it has also made you appreciate the rare kindness and care even more.

You referenced your father's irritability and your mother's helplessness, and this family environment has caused you significant psychological stress. I understand your avoidant personality, which is a way of self-protection that allows you to seek a sense of peace in an uncertain world.

This personality trait can make it challenging for you to navigate interpersonal relationships and may leave you uncertain about how to interact with others. However, it is important to recognize that this is not a reflection of your personal shortcomings, but rather a consequence of the influences you have experienced during your upbringing.

I empathize with your confusion and struggle with self-awareness. You are striving to identify your authentic self, yet you are hindered by negative emotions.

This internal conflict can lead to feelings of exhaustion and a lack of self-worth. However, it is important to remember that everyone has their own pace and growth trajectory, and there is no need to be overly demanding of perfection.

Your sensitivity and delicacy are your unique qualities, which serve as a bridge that connects you deeply with the world.

Furthermore, I perceive your aspiration for transformation and your anticipation of the future. Despite the challenges you have faced in the past, I encourage you to recognize your capacity to shape a fulfilling life for yourself.

It is recommended that you accept your imperfections and embrace the real, multifaceted you. At the same time, you should also actively seek external support and help to establish a sincere emotional connection with others.

I will be available to provide support and guidance at every stage of this process. I will celebrate your achievements and progress with great pride.

Please be assured that you are not alone, and that your inner world is worthy of understanding and care.

From my perspective, it is evident that you have an intrinsic desire to be loved and to love others. This desire can be attributed to the lack of warmth and support you experienced within your family during your formative years, which may have contributed to feelings of loneliness and helplessness as you matured.

Do you ever observe other families and perceive a sense of envy and longing? I can relate to this feeling, as everyone desires a supportive environment with a loving family.

Furthermore, I sense that you may have some confusion about your self-identity. Given your family environment, you may have some doubts about your own value.

However, it is important to understand that your value is not defined by others, but rather created by yourself. You possess unique talents and potential. By pursuing your dreams with courage, you will undoubtedly discover your own value and meaning.

Furthermore, I detect a certain degree of confusion and unease regarding interpersonal relationships. Past experiences may have instilled a sense of discomfort when interacting with others, potentially leading to a slight apprehension about rejection or hurt.

It is important to remember that interpersonal skills can be developed through practice. By opening yourself up to new experiences and taking the initiative to connect with others, you can gradually overcome any initial discomfort and build a robust social network.

I would also like to take this opportunity to inform you that you have the power to change your destiny. While past experiences may have had an impact on you, the future is in your own hands.

Provided you are prepared to work hard to achieve your objectives, you will undoubtedly succeed in overcoming the challenges you currently face and embark on a new and promising chapter in your life. I will continue to support you throughout this journey, offering encouragement and guidance as you progress.

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that your inner world is rich and unique, and that it is worth exploring. It is important to face your true feelings and to confront problems that cause you discomfort.

Only when you courageously confront your inner self can you discover your authentic self and achieve personal fulfillment. I will consistently be available to support you, sharing both challenges and triumphs until you reach your optimal state of being.

In the coming days, I hope you will face your inner world with greater courage and pursue the authentic, vibrant version of yourself. I also hope you will believe that you have the strength to overcome any difficulties or challenges you may face.

Given your strength and courage, your inner world is full of possibilities and potential. With the willingness to explore and try, you will undoubtedly find your own path to success.

I wish you the best of luck. The world and I wish you well.

Hello, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing right now, but I can help you through it.

I will now answer the second half of your question.

You know you can come here to the platform and ask questions bravely; seek the help you need when you encounter problems.

I expect you to promise me that from today onwards, you will stop saying that you are a terrible person.

Second, you witnessed your parents arguing a lot because of the environment you grew up in.

You're afraid to make friends because you think they'll hurt you.

However, your friends did not grow up in the same environment as you. They are not your parents, even when they're with you.

You have grown up. You are different from the child you once were.

You are now fully aware that you can raise yourself again and be your own "inner parent."

Seek the help of a professional counselor if necessary.

The counselor is a professional and will give you better advice.

I am confident that you will find a solution to your problem soon.

That's all I have to say on the matter.

I am confident that my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I can assure you that I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you. Best wishes!

I am confident that I can help you.

Dear Question Asker,

From your description and your experiences growing up, it can be inferred that you felt a lack of value. Your parents' arguments instilled a sense of fear within you.

It is evident that you have a genuine concern for your mother, yet you are unable to resolve the issues between your parents. You exhibit a similar disposition to your father, but you aspire to regulate your emotions and navigate interpersonal conflicts.

In the aforementioned description, it may be perceived that the parents in question provided their child with a paucity of material resources. However, an examination of the broader context reveals that the mother in particular exhibited a profound degree of care and concern for her offspring. One illustrative example is the act of providing the child with clothing.

She was unable to ride a bicycle and fell off a hill while delivering your laundry. What were the difficulties she encountered?

Have you ever considered this? As you previously stated, your mother was unable to ride a bicycle, yet she was compelled to do so to deliver your laundry. It is evident that she had to overcome a significant psychological challenge.

One can attempt to empathize with their mother's situation. However, the decision to send her child to school was ultimately hers, and it is important to recognize that this action was driven by love.

The perception of parental indifference during one's formative years often leads to the adoption of certain coping mechanisms, such as dressing lightly to accommodate additional layers when feeling cold or expressing one's needs through attire. It is pertinent to inquire whether such practices would have been discouraged by a parent. Additionally, the desire for parental proximity at school, particularly for the purpose of establishing social comparisons, is a common phenomenon among children.

One might inquire whether the desire for parental accompaniment to school was truly a necessity, or if it was a means of emphasizing the care and attention they provided. It is plausible that this need emerged during childhood, but as one matures, it is essential to reflect on the underlying motivations at the time.

Furthermore, it is notable that your parents did not visit you. Could this be attributed to the fact that your mother had a multitude of responsibilities, including agricultural work? It would be beneficial to reflect on this matter.

If one does not arrange to meet with them, they will express discontent.

One might inquire whether the assumption that one's parents are indifferent is indeed accurate.

It is possible that your parents were preoccupied with other matters and therefore did not devote sufficient attention to you. Despite your reluctance to attend school, your parents ultimately made concessions. The process was of secondary importance, while the outcome was still focused on you.

The love that one desires is, in fact, the only thing that exists; it is merely a matter of locating it. Was your father fearful of you, or was he genuinely afraid of you, or did he simply love you excessively?

One may choose to reflect on the matter.

One's father may exert a significant influence on one's emotional development. However, it is possible to choose to become a distinct individual after having observed one's father. In some cases, it may be more important to emulate one's father or to adopt a contrasting approach.

First, it is essential to develop a conceptual framework. Once this framework is established, it is crucial to be mindful of one's emotional state. When emotions arise, it is vital to recognize and acknowledge the changes occurring within oneself. These emotions may manifest momentarily or persist for a limited duration, potentially dissipating with a shift in perspective or a change in direction.

Therefore, when an emotional response is experienced, it is advisable to refrain from making a decision immediately. An analysis of the underlying causes of the emotional reaction, the factors that trigger it, and the underlying subconscious thoughts and beliefs that contribute to it can be beneficial. It may also be helpful to assess the accuracy of the thought patterns in question and consider whether they require further investigation.

A series of training and improvement exercises can be undertaken in order to gradually modify one's own behaviour, thereby cultivating an automatic response mode that will enable one to break away from emotional influences.

It is my sincere hope that this information will prove useful to you. Wishing you the best.

The questioner, embrace the present! Be grateful for the encounter.

From what you've told me, I can see that you're feeling vulnerable, longing, sensitive, and cautious. You're also distressed about your current situation and determined to make a change.

Give yourself a hug! Let's talk about this together.

1. Accept yourself for who you are.

Your parents didn't give you much warmth and love, and they had a poor relationship, often arguing. Your father was also hot-tempered, which made you feel insecure, eager for love, and sensitive and cautious in life. You probably had to hide your inner vulnerability and avoid being hurt. At the same time, your parents probably rarely praised you, affirmed and appreciated you, and might get angry with you and even hit you for something you did wrong.

This makes it easy for you to see the negative in yourself, to blame yourself for things that happen, and to engage in internal conflict.

You grew up with parents who didn't look you in the eye or touch your heart, which is why you're what you call "an empty person" with no inner self. You're very strict with yourself and refuse to cross the line easily, which makes you feel oppressed and tense, right?

You also said, "I'm just as quick-tempered as him now, and I might get angry over something minor." It seems like you're using external anger to protect your inner vulnerability and avoid hurting yourself. Is that right?

None of this is your fault. Your parents' limitations, emotional management, and words and deeds reflect their inner lack. They didn't give you a good family of origin, which is why you are the way you are.

Despite everything you've been through, you've remained kind and trusting, and you've learned to ask for help when you need it. You have a particularly strong inner vitality, even though you'd really like to change your current situation.

If we accept and understand ourselves this way, we can give ourselves a "home" inside, become our own spiritual parents, nurture our inner wounded child again, and slowly move closer to becoming the person we want to be.

2. Take care of yourself.

You have a lot of good qualities. For example, you said that you're grateful for even the smallest kindness. You're also very kind. You'll protect your mother, even if your methods aren't always reasonable.

You'll protect yourself, even though you might hide your true self. You're also very honest and willing to open up and seek help when needed.

Every day, make a note of three or more of your own good points. When you achieve something, give yourself a pat on the back and treat yourself a little. When you feel emotional, take a deep breath, focus on your physical sensations, and then think about your inner child. Give the scared child inside a hug and tell her, "I've grown up, I'm capable enough to protect you, to help and support you when you need it, I'll always be by your side..." When you feel powerless, remind yourself that this feeling of powerlessness comes from the past, that you are not the same child from the past who didn't have enough ability, that you now have more resources and methods, more choices, and that you can do it.

In every person or thing that makes you emotional and uncomfortable, you can see a little bit of your own inner lack. Give yourself a little nourishment, and re-nurture your inner child, helping him to grow up again.

3. Express your emotions consistently.

If you feel your parents have caused you harm during your growth process, you can express this to them consistently. If they cannot accept your emotional expression or have not grown up to accept you in this way,

You can bring up the hurtful moments from your past and express the emotions you kept inside in a consistent way. Or you can use the empty chair technique, where you imagine the empty chair opposite you is your parents. This way, you can express to them the words you didn't say and the repressed emotions.

Just a heads-up: Choose a safe space and the right environment. If your emotions get too intense, it's probably best to seek help from a professional counselor.

When you're feeling overwhelmed, take a few minutes to breathe deeply and calm down before expressing your emotions. The book "Nonviolent Communication" is a great resource. First, state the facts, and then express your feelings about the situation.

Finally, let the other person know what you need and what you expect from them. This way, you can avoid getting upset and doing things you'll regret, and you can also make sure they know how you feel and what you're comfortable with.

This way, you can protect yourself in a more gentle and appropriate way, rather than lashing out.

You can also choose to express your emotions in writing, which is a great way to heal. Or you can exercise more, which helps your emotions flow.

Find a good listener or a professional counselor to talk to and help you work through things.

These things are all reminders to take a look at yourself and work through your issues. If you can see the positive in the things that make you emotional and painful, then you can grow and change.

I hope this helps, and I wish you the best!

Hello! I can feel how confused and struggling you are.

Everyone grows in their own way. What you have experienced has shaped you into the person you are today. It has helped you to get to know yourself and grow into a more complete and resilient self.

You are not bad. Your feelings and experiences are real and deserve to be seen and understood.

You feel unloved and insecure. Many people feel this way if they didn't get enough love and support as children. You deserve to be loved and cared for.

Your family environment seems to have some conflicts and contradictions. How parents behave and the family atmosphere can affect a child's development.

You are not a copy of them. You have your own thoughts and choices. You can learn from them, but you don't have to repeat their mistakes.

Your sensitivity, internal conflict, and high moral sense are part of your inner emotional world. Sensitivity lets you feel the world more deeply, but it can also make you vulnerable.

Your internal conflict may be caused by trying to hide your feelings. And your high sense of morality may make it hard for you to make decisions.

Self-acceptance means facing and accepting your true feelings, values, and shortcomings.

When we accept ourselves, we can better cope with life's challenges. Try to accept your sensitivity, internal conflict, and over-conscientiousness instead of trying to change them.

When you accept yourself, you'll feel more relaxed.

I have some suggestions for the problems you mentioned. First, try to connect with yourself.

Every day, listen to your inner voice and understand your feelings and needs. When you understand yourself better, you'll handle life's challenges better.

Second, you can seek help from others. Share your feelings with friends and family.

You can also get help from counselors.

Growing up is hard, but it's also full of hope and possibilities. You're not alone. Many people care about you.

Believe in yourself and face challenges with courage. You will become a better, more mature person.

May your heart be filled with sunshine and warmth, and may your path in life grow wider. Best wishes!

Greetings, inquirer.

I would like to begin by congratulating you on your courage in sharing your story on this platform and seeking assistance.

Concurrently, discerning areas for personal growth is a noteworthy achievement.

Each individual is born and raised in a distinct environment, and all have experienced some form of childhood trauma. Acknowledging and comprehending these experiences is crucial for personal growth.

It is imperative that we cross over and heal these childhood traumas.

There is a common aphorism that "seeing is the beginning of healing." It can be reasonably asserted that you are already on the path to healing.

The initial step is to develop self-love. Many individuals lack sufficient love and care from their parents, which subsequently leads to a lack of self-love.

The initial stage of self-love is to be in the presence of one's own self, with one's own breathing. It is recommended to set aside time each day to become aware of one's breathing.

All psychology courses, as well as yoga, meditation, and Taoism, commence with an examination of breathing techniques.

Inhale deeply, allowing the air to enter the nostrils, the respiratory tract, and the lungs. As the lungs fill with air, allow them to expand fully before exhaling slowly.

The second step is to accept oneself. One must recognize that one is the author of one's own thoughts and feelings.

It is important to accept the aspects of oneself that are currently perceived as undesirable. It is essential to recognize that one is inherently perfect and complete in the most profound sense.

It would be beneficial to engage in a brief exercise that involves caring for one's body and appearance in front of a mirror. This could entail observing oneself in the mirror and offering positive affirmations.

It is recommended that individuals engage in self-praise on a daily basis.

It is important to examine one's belief system and identify any beliefs that may require modification. For instance, the belief "My parents were unable to love me, and I don't deserve love" may require reevaluation.

This sentence can be replaced with the following: "I love myself, I like myself." It is recommended that this be said to oneself on a daily basis.

It will become evident that you have become exceedingly lovable.

You are aware that you are worthy and deserving, and that you are entitled to live your life with complete satisfaction and happiness.

Good day.

You reflect on your upbringing: your father was the primary breadwinner, your mother managed the household chores, and you attended school. You mention that you never felt your mother's love, and the only time she ever gave you clothes was when you felt a sense of guilt.

My father had a short temper and held some traditional views. My parents often had disagreements, and my father would sometimes become quite upset and shut the door.

Later on, as you grew up, you and your father had some disagreements and you chose to disregard his advice. This approach seemed to be effective for you both.

You reflect on your childhood self and consider the ways in which your current self differs. You recognize that you have inherited your father's irritability and your own unusual sensitivity.

You present the best version of yourself to the outside world, but you may feel like you're missing something on the inside. Your moral compass is strong, and you're dealing with some challenging emotions that can drain your energy.

You aspire to change, to develop a sound personality and mature approach to life, and to become a person who is consistent inside and out. You wish to be perfect, though you recognize that such people don't exist in the world.

It is not uncommon for there to be inconsistencies between an individual's inner and outer selves. Character flaws are often evident, and internal conflicts and struggles are not unusual.

Given that we are all a combination of different qualities, it is perhaps unattainable to be completely mature and entirely honest. The rationality that we observe in the maturity and stability of others may simply be an external reflection of their inner world.

If these emotions are causing you significant distress and internal conflict, it may be because you are attributing them to negative experiences and viewing them as problematic. This could lead to a sense of self-blame, which in turn may contribute to the distress you are experiencing.

Mothers are not always able to provide the warm love we need. Fathers can sometimes be quick to anger and may exhibit some traditional male attitudes.

You may find yourself feeling irritable and sensitive, as though you are an empty shell. It's possible that you are viewing things through the lens of tinted glasses, noticing the faults of your parents and yourself with a critical eye and perhaps even exaggerating these faults.

Everyone has flaws as well as strengths. However, if we focus on the flaws to the exclusion of the strengths, we may inadvertently create a self-fulfilling prophecy that leads to self-blame and self-deprecation, which can result in emotional distress and internal depletion.

Perhaps if we were to remove the metaphorical tinted glasses and explore with eyes that discover beauty and love, we might be able to see moments of love and warmth within ourselves and our family. For example, your mother will bring you clothes even after she has fallen, and she will cook for the family even after being bitten by a snake.

Dad was supportive in helping you with your tuition fees, and he was also concerned because you were preoccupied with other things.

I have a feeling that you are actually a very good person. It seems like you have high expectations of yourself and are very self-disciplined in your actions, demanding perfection from yourself.

Your high standards have served you well in your professional and personal life. However, it's possible that they may be a bit too demanding when it comes to self-examination.

It might be helpful to consider that if you constantly criticize yourself, you may inadvertently contribute to feelings of self-deprecation. This could potentially be a significant factor in internal depletion.

If you are experiencing a lot of internal conflict, over-consumption, exhaustion, and distress, you might consider reaching out to a counselor. They can help you explore yourself, see your true inner self, learn together, truly understand yourself, accept yourself, and love yourself.

I believe the world and I love you, and I think it's important for you to love yourself too.

Hello, I have read your description and have seen many such cases. It is clear that the influence of the original family on a person is significant and long-lasting. It seems that you have also been influenced by your original family, and now you have an irritable personality, a short temper, a sensitive nature, a high sense of morality, and are prone to internal conflict.

It is evident that this state of mind has had a significant impact on your life, and you are seeking a change.

First, let's consider the potential influences on your personality. As you have observed, your experiences and memories from childhood may have played a significant role in shaping who you are today.

1. Maslow's hierarchy of needs suggests that human needs can be classified in a hierarchical manner. The lower levels of the hierarchy are associated with survival, and the stronger the need, the greater the impact on the individual. The hierarchy of needs can be divided from low to high as follows: physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging needs, respect needs, and self-fulfillment needs.

2. It is important to note that the most basic physiological needs of human beings include eating enough, wearing warm clothes, breathing, drinking water, and so on. The questioner recalls being cold as a child, and their parents did not always prioritize providing food. Their physiological needs as a child were not always fully met. Their parents often engaged in disagreements, and they witnessed their father's angry outbursts and physical violence against their mother. At that time, it was not uncommon to feel unsafe, and if one was not careful, there was a possibility of being on the receiving end of their father's anger. It was a challenging situation, and it is understandable that one might feel overwhelmed and scared.

3. It is understandable that it was challenging for you to feel the love from your parents and family in that situation. Even going home was often accompanied by feelings of fear and uncertainty, let alone a sense of belonging. This aspect was noticeably absent, so when someone later showed kindness, you were extremely grateful.

It could be likened to a garden after a long drought, where any little bit of rain is welcome.

4. It could be said that everyone has subjective initiative, from a very young age. The most basic manifestation may be active learning. The first level of learning could be active imitation, which may be why the imprint of the original family is often passed down from generation to generation.

As you grew up, you learned your parents' behaviors, such as your father's hot temper and your mother's possible indifference. This may have influenced your emotional state, making you prone to anger and emotional outbursts. You may also have lacked a sense of security, which could have made you afraid of accidentally angering your father and being scolded. As a result, you may have become sensitive to your external environment.

5. As you gradually grew up, you developed your own sense of right and wrong and moral values. You are very angry when you remember all the unkind things your father did to your mother. In real life, some events often trigger deep-seated memories, so your sense of morality is particularly strong at this time. However, when you feel powerless, you may experience internal conflict.

How might we best make the necessary adjustments?

1. Willingness and patience. I believe that with the right attitude and a little patience, you can make a change in your situation.

It might be helpful to think of it this way: just as ice takes time to melt, it also requires a constant warmth to do so.

2. Acceptance. Acceptance is a multi-level process. At this stage, I have reached the level of understanding, which is the first step in the journey towards acceptance.

It could be said that acceptance is the foundation of change. Without it, one may find it challenging to address the problem directly, reluctant to admit it, and stuck in a seemingly endless loop due to a lack of understanding.

Try to accept your parents for who they are and what they have been through. It is important to remember that they are not perfect, just like we are not perfect. They are influenced by their own experiences and circumstances, just like we are. Back then, when there were not yet so many material goods and the economy was not yet so developed, the father was also under pressure. He had to work hard to provide for the family's livelihood, and he might often be blamed when he was out looking for work. His emotions also needed an outlet, and he wanted to rest a bit when he got home. The mother also had a hard time, having to take care of the household and the fields, as well as put up with her father's bad temper. She might not have had much energy left to take care of you.

At the same time, it is important to recognize and be grateful for the invaluable role parents play in raising their children.

It would be beneficial to accept yourself. The influence of your family of origin is indeed very great, and your family experiences have shaped your character traits, which is naturally not your fault. In fact, everyone has shortcomings in one way or another, and the current self is inseparable from past experiences.

Many people tend to present a more positive image of themselves to others, which can sometimes be a reflection of an underlying challenge in accepting oneself fully. It's not always easy to make changes in this area, but it's important to recognize that accepting oneself is an essential step in the journey towards personal growth and development.

It is important to accept the social environment and others. People need to distinguish between right and wrong. To accept means to insist on right and wrong while understanding that there are causes for such phenomena. When I was young, my relatives also had their own difficulties, and it was not easy for them to take care of their own families. They also had concerns: who are they to take care of you, and what would your parents think?

It is also worth noting that there are various injustices in today's society. When something happens, you may feel a surge of morality. However, if you think about it carefully, it is important to recognise that society is changing a lot, and people's quality is generally improving rapidly. We should view this as a positive trend.

3. Deliberate practice. The self of today is influenced by the long-term imperceptible influence of the past. To change, one might consider deliberately practicing on the basis of a strong desire. The ancient sages would reflect on themselves three times a day. While we don't need such intensity, we could perhaps benefit from reflecting on ourselves after an event, constantly learning from our experiences, and thinking about what we should do after reviewing the situation.

4. It is important to be true and sincere. While it is not necessary to hide oneself all the time, especially in long-term relationships such as long-term colleagues and intimate relationships in marriage, it is still valuable to be aware that human nature will always be revealed through various things. It is therefore best to present oneself authentically, rather than deliberately showing only the good side and hiding the bad side, as this can cause problems.

It may be helpful to express your true self, get along with others sincerely, and apologize from the bottom of your heart if your problems have affected or hurt others. This could potentially lead to gradual change.

5. Self-improvement: It would be beneficial to read and learn constantly, and to learn from people around you at a higher level, gradually improving your own underlying knowledge. This could be a source of power to change.

I hope these suggestions are helpful for you.

I hope this finds you well.

Good day, My name is Coach Yu from Xin Tan. After reviewing your childhood experiences, I can see the challenges you have faced and the strength of character you possess. Let's discuss this further.

Let us begin by examining the use of labels.

When we examine our true selves internally or attempt to describe ourselves in words, we find that the answers are actually a series of labels.

Some of these labels originate from family members and parents, while others originate from teachers and classmates. Examples of these include "unimportant child" and "student who doesn't like to read." Some labels are self-imposed, such as "person with no love in their heart" and "person with no inner core." Some labels are status symbols, some are ability assessments, some are behavioral characteristics, and some are psychological feelings.

We can examine some labels carefully, connect the emotional changes in the body, and observe the balance between them. This will help us become aware of some reactions that may occur in an instant, which psychology calls "automatic thinking" or "distractions."

Please describe the images that come to mind when you think of "unimportant children." Also, please describe any sounds that you hear.

Please describe the emotions and feelings that these labels evoke.

When I consider the image of a student who dislikes reading, what comes to mind? What sound does this evoke?

Please describe the emotions and feelings that these labels evoke.

Please describe the image that comes to mind when you think of someone who has no love in their heart. Please also describe the sound that this image makes.

Please describe the emotions and feelings that this situation evokes.

Please describe the image that comes to mind when you think of an "empty person with no inner core." Also, describe the sound that you hear in your mind when you think of this concept.

Please describe the emotions and feelings that this situation evokes in you.

Perhaps we can also consider how we would respond in these situations. If we had the opportunity to do it all over again, what changes would we make?

Let us turn our attention to the topic of beliefs.

It is widely acknowledged that self-suggestion is a potent force, and that self-affirmation can motivate individuals, whereas self-denial can have adverse effects.

In general, there are four core beliefs of self-negation: 1. I am useless; 2. I am not lovable; 3. I am guilty; 4. The world is dangerous. These beliefs are all related to the self and the world in which we live.

As the questioner noted, when one presents one's true self to the world, the result is often a sense of inadequacy.

The core belief of denial may have its roots in intergenerational inheritance, that is, the dark family heirloom; it may also have its roots in a traumatic blow, that is, a personal setback that exceeds the level of tolerance at the time.

It would be beneficial to consider what thoughts arise when we interact with others in a positive manner, particularly when they display kindness. Additionally, it would be helpful to identify the emotions and feelings that accompany such interactions.

It would be beneficial to consider the underlying motivation behind the tendency to be sensitive and angry over relatively minor issues. Similarly, it would be helpful to identify the inner need for moral considerations.

It would also be beneficial to consider what our ideal self and ideal interpersonal relationships might be.

How can I be of assistance?

We attempt to reconcile with our emotions. When negative emotions and thoughts cause us distress, we try to silently repeat the mantra "so what" to ourselves. We often find that there is no need to dwell on the matter.

It may also be helpful to identify potential resources. While we are accustomed to approaching work with a problem-solving mindset, locating resources can often be more challenging than identifying problems. When faced with difficulties, it is beneficial to consider who else could provide assistance.

Please advise as to what other options are available and what other items I can use.

It is also recommended to seek assistance, as this issue is causing you distress and requires a more comprehensive approach to resolve. It is advisable to identify a family member or trusted friend who has consistently provided positive support and engage in a constructive dialogue with them. Additionally, seeking the guidance of a counselor can facilitate a deeper understanding and communication about the underlying issues. This process is essential to acknowledge and accept the negative thoughts that have become a habit, as this is the first step towards their gradual dissolution.

It is also important to affirm ourselves, empower ourselves, enrich our knowledge, and improve our inner selves. Negative thoughts can have a detrimental impact on our emotional state and cognitive abilities. Therefore, it is essential to respond positively, observe our dominant thoughts, explore the root causes of our actions, and match familiar situations, which is what we often refer to as "beliefs" or "first thoughts." As the questioner wrote, this approach allows me to effectively navigate the challenges of life with a rational and emotionally balanced mindset.

It would be beneficial to utilize weekends or rest days to accompany our family and experience the natural environment, including the sounds of birds, the scents of flowers, and the beauty of the weather. Best regards,

We recommend the following book: "My Inner Infinity."