Why can't I find a love that goes both ways in this world?

Hello, my name is Zhilin. I have been married for eight years. I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

Love is a wonderful, magical feeling. Love is limitless and free-spirited. It's a powerful emotion that can make people infatuated.

However, marriage is often about the daily grind, responsibilities, and commitments. Your marriage makes you feel particularly constrained and unable to be free. You feel that what really binds you is the control of your father in your original family. You want to escape from him and break free.

From your story, I get the impression that your father was perhaps not as kind and understanding as you needed him to be when you were young. It seems that he may have had some negative emotions inside, which may have affected his treatment of you. This could have made it difficult for you to receive warm love during your childhood, which might have led you to question stable relationships. Instead, you may have been drawn to pursuing unstable relationships, which is why you are interested in the person you like.

Another aspect of your partner that you find challenging is that he tends to have a different perspective than you. When conflicts arise, he may unintentionally suppress you through his father, which can make you feel a bit uncomfortable. You may sometimes feel isolated, and the relationship between you and your partner is also influenced by your original family. It can be difficult to break away from the influence of your original family. Your father's way of thinking is relatively old-fashioned, and he may not fully respect or understand your desire to go out for a two-day vacation.

It would be beneficial to accept all that your past family has done to you and to move forward without being bound by it. It would be helpful for the couple to live their lives together, without involving their family of origin in everything. With time, you will improve. It would also be helpful to improve your own understanding, to look within yourself, and to heal the pain brought on by your family of origin.

Good day. My name is Yu Ting, and I am a licensed psychological counselor.

I can see that you are troubled by the question of why you are unable to find love that is reciprocated.

My understanding of the questioner is as follows:

I can see that you have encountered a dilemma in love and feel especially helpless. I can see that you are especially eager for a love that goes both ways, but in real life you seem to know very well that the chances of having such love are very slim. So you seem to have a deep disappointment in love and even a loss of confidence in your future married life. I can also see the confusion in your heart. You don't know what to do about a love that seems to be a bit like a tasteless dish, binding yourself and preventing you from being free to be yourself. What's more, it is especially bound up with your own family ties, leaving you even more at a loss. You really have encountered a very complex and difficult situation.

The solution is to take a step back and evaluate the situation.

In the event of encountering an emotionally challenging situation, it is crucial to take a step back and assess your current situation. Ask yourself: What kind of person am I? What are my genuine desires, and what kind of life do I want to lead?

Although you appear to be somewhat dissatisfied with your current partner and are only with him under pressure from your parents, I believe there must be something about him that makes you feel it is worth staying with him. Therefore, you should list what this marriage can bring you and what you will lose. Sort out your thoughts, make a comparison, and find the real answer from within.

It is true that our parents' actions can influence our decisions, but we have given them that power. If we have decided to firmly follow our own ideas and, regardless of what the future holds, we have the confidence to take responsibility for our own future, then we don't need to care what our parents want to do. After all, we ultimately live our own lives, don't we?

Kiss, I saw your confession and I know you're hurting. Your topic is pretty big, so I tried to talk to you about it based on what I know and see if it's helpful!

1. The best thing in a relationship is when you love each other, but it's not easy to find. There's a chance, even if it's small, and it's worth being optimistic.

Sometimes, both people in a relationship have to go through some things before they realize how important the other person is and understand the benefits of working together. This is a process of mutual growth.

Take the recent hit TV series "The Legend of the Condor Heroes" as an example. Huo Buyi and Cheng Shaoshang also had to go through a lot of hardships before they learned to appreciate each other, and their previous relationships weren't exactly ideal. If you're interested, you can find out more.

2. Why do some women choose to love the men they're with? Everyone makes their own choices. You're not her, so you can't be sure of her reasons. Maybe she gets more love, or maybe it's for other reasons. Instead of speculating about others, it's better to think about yourself.

3. You say you lack love, but if you want to find a good partner, you need to work on yourself. You need to be mature and ready. These days, no one wants to find a burden to support. Everyone wants to be equal partners working together to live a good life. So learn to love yourself first!

4. From what you've said, it seems like you haven't made a clear distinction between the issues and have tied your marital relationship to your family. Have you considered whether you're with this guy for the sake of your family?

Or is it because you like him? At the end of the day, you're the one living your life, so what other people think doesn't matter.

It's also worth thinking about whether your expectations of the guy are realistic. Have you had a chance to talk through your thoughts with him?

And so on.

You'll only be able to untangle your emotional confusion once you've figured it out for yourself and understood it. This is just to help you out. Thanks.

Dear Question Asker, I understand that you are experiencing distress regarding your romantic life and desire a reciprocal love. You also appear to be seeking autonomy within your marriage. It seems that you are currently at the mercy of your family and feel constrained, as though you have lost your freedom. In light of these concerns, I would like to discuss the following questions in relation to your distress. Best regards, [Name]

First, I would like to define what I mean by a two-way love. It is a relationship in which both parties are equally committed to the relationship, are attracted to each other, and are willing to work hard to maintain it. Even if there are obstacles and difficulties, both parties are willing to overcome them and work together to find solutions. These difficulties may include practical conditions, long-distance relationships, age restrictions, family opposition, and personality differences. Lovers in a two-way relationship are willing to overcome difficulties for each other and work hard to maintain the relationship for love.

It is of the utmost importance that the couple has a clear sense of self and values as independent individuals. They must also be psychologically equal to each other, attracted to each other on a spiritual level, in love with each other, responsible for each other, and independent of each other. This kind of love is intimate, passionate, and committed, and is the optimal relationship.

It is important to understand your own needs and desires. The relationships mentioned by the questioner were all initiated by others pursuing you, and your current boyfriend is very loyal to you.

It seems that you are full of charm and have the ability to inspire others to form romantic attachments with you. What qualities do you feel are particularly worthy of appreciation? What abilities and resources can help you maintain a relationship?

It is important to understand your partner's expectations and desires. What kind of partner are you seeking?

Please describe the qualities you are seeking in a partner. Additionally, please provide a physical description of the individual you are interested in.

First, it is essential to identify your objectives. Once you have done so, you will be able to determine the best route to achieve them.

Please describe your understanding of love.

It is important to note that a two-way relationship requires effort from both parties, not just one. Based on your description, it appears that your partner initiated contact. Sometimes, relationships end without a clear understanding of the cause. It seems that you have limited knowledge about your partner. You mentioned your current boyfriend. When he is a positive influence, you are willing to rely on him, but when he is not, you express frustration.

This relationship is more akin to that of a father and daughter than an equal, two-way relationship. Therefore, if you wish to experience a positive and fulfilling romantic relationship, it is essential to take the initiative and create it yourself.

You have the right to make decisions regarding your own feelings. Family members often interfere, which causes frustration and restricts your autonomy.

I would like to take a moment to remind you that if we do not authorize them, they will be unable to control us.

I hope you will take the time to understand yourself, the other person, and the nature of love. Once you have done so, I believe you will be able to take control of your love and work hard to implement it. I am confident that you can have and maintain a two-way, heart-stopping love.

Hello. I hope my answer helps.

From your description, I understand your frustration, helplessness, and distress. It seems you're unhappy in your marriage and don't like your family of origin. You also seem unsure if you can find a love that goes both ways. Everything seems chaotic, but if we can take responsibility for ourselves, perhaps things will become simple.

My advice is:

About love.

Psychology has done a lot of research on love. A love relationship has three parts: passion, intimacy, and commitment. All three are important, but the amount of each varies from person to person.

Some people value passion, intimacy, or commitment more. There is no right or wrong, just different.

Your husband doesn't seem passionate about you, and there's not much intimacy. If a relationship is maintained by promises, it's not the kind of love we expect. The kind of love you describe is important.

If you want a long-lasting relationship, intimacy and commitment are important.

If you want a love that goes both ways, you have to believe it's possible. Many experiments have shown that belief affects reality. If you don't believe you can find love, you won't.

Many examples of two-way love exist. My father's side of the family includes people who married their first loves. We're all in two-way love and have been married for over ten years. This may be related to our beliefs: either don't choose, or if you choose, manage your relationship well. My grandmother taught us this. Many celebrities also have stable two-way loves.

So start by believing that you can find love that is mutual.

2. About loving yourself.

If you feel unloved, it's because you don't love yourself enough. We're not born knowing how to love ourselves, but we can learn.

To love yourself, accept yourself unconditionally. Accept your strengths and weaknesses. See the real, complete, and comprehensive you.

When you accept yourself, you can do things that are good for you. Loving yourself is about loving your body and your feelings. It's also about taking care of your feelings and controlling your life.

"Divide your time between things you love and you'll feel more peaceful. This is the beginning of loving yourself."

3. About separating issues.

Your marriage is tied to family. The only thing that can tie us is ourselves. Why? We always have a choice. But we haven't chosen anything else.

You still have a choice. Learn to separate issues. Take on your own issues, not others'. Then you'll be relaxed and free.

Who suffers the consequences? That's who the problem is.

How you approach your marriage is up to you.

You can listen to your father and stay in the marriage, but you'll have to live the way you do now. You can leave and find someone else, but you'll have to deal with your father's reactions. You can stay in the marriage and learn to manage it better, but you'll have to work through the difficulties.

Your father wants to interfere in his daughter's marriage and can't control his emotions. This is something he needs to work through himself. Know what's yours and what's not, and you'll feel better.

I hope this helps. Best wishes!