Why do I accept being hurt by my family, and why can't I accept myself?

Hello!

I see your pain and understand. Change is hard. I want to hug you.

We don't want to accept who we are and think we need to change, but we can't.

We can't control our thoughts and actions. They're determined by our thinking habits.

British psychologist Humphrey tells this story in The Story of the Human Mind.

A doctor, a real estate agent, and an artist went to visit a friend. On the way, they passed by a busy street.

At the friend's house, the friend's daughter asked the artist to tell her a story.

"Today, I saw the city as a huge dome against the sky, dark golden-red in the glow of the setting sun."

Then the girl asked the real estate agent to tell her a story. The real estate agent said, "I saw two boys on the street talking about how to make money. One boy said he wanted to set up an ice cream stand and chose the spot at the intersection of two streets, next to the subway entrance, so people from both streets and the subway could see him."

This boy understood the value of location. He could become a good businessman.

The girl asked the doctor to tell her a story. The doctor said, "I saw a pharmacy with a window full of bottles of medicine for various kinds of indigestion. Some people were selecting them, but I could tell they wanted fresh air and sleep. I couldn't tell them that."

Everyone sees the world through their own colored glasses.

The questioner hates himself and his family for taking him to the hospital.

The questioner sees anger and hatred, but I see sadness and love. Your family loves you. Anyone who takes a child to the hospital does so with the child's best interests in mind.

We can look at things differently. You have good qualities that your family likes.

We can think from other people's perspectives.

There must be someone who loves you and is waiting for you.

You love your patients well, and I am a heart exploration coach who has been set free. I feel your confusion, helplessness, loneliness, and anger. Your heart is screaming countless times, but to others it seems like "The Diary of a Madman."

The family's lack of understanding and treating you like a "sick person" is unacceptable. Their "love" for you only brings you pain and loneliness.

I'll give you a warm hug first, and then I'll be there with you as you face the suffering you've endured.

Everyone endures different kinds of suffering.

Suffering is divided into three aspects: physical, psychological, and spiritual.

Physical suffering is a subjective feeling of being in pain.

Psychological suffering is personal feeling.

Spiritual suffering is defined by feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction that cannot be adequately described in words.

The famous ABC model of emotions states that A is the trigger, B is the perception and interpretation of the event, and C is the consequence, i.e. the behavior and feelings after the event. This means that emotions have nothing to do with events, but everything to do with the perception of the event.

Perception is what we call "belief." It's how we perceive things. It's the conflict between what our brain thinks should be and what actually is.

Physical, mental, and spiritual suffering are progressive and cannot be eliminated.

If you are sick, you cannot bear psychological or spiritual suffering. After psychological healing, spiritual suffering will reappear.

The theory of the emotional pendulum states that when pain is suppressed, pleasure is also suppressed. The perception of emotions naturally decreases.

Resisting pain only makes it worse. That's why we have the term "pain relief."

Psychological suffering is also divided into pure suffering and contaminated suffering.

Pure suffering is physical suffering that is unavoidable. It is caused by physical harm or unmet needs.

Let's be clear: contaminated suffering is suffering from physical harm and unmet needs.

This kind of suffering is called "contaminated suffering" (suffering plus suffering). It is not willing to bear it and is fighting against the pain.

Every emotion is a special way of conveying an important gift of life to us. You must feel the feelings behind the "suffering."

Suffering has a function. It elevates the soul and gives our lives more depth.

Suffering is part of life. Accept it, and you can turn suffering into strength.

"Acceptance" means letting go of the fight against suffering. It can reduce suffering by 50%.

Finally, I'm going to share a short passage with you for mutual encouragement: "A Prayer for Peace."

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

God, give me the courage to change the things I can.

And God will give me the wisdom to know the difference.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you, and I love you.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you, and I love you.

If you want to continue communicating, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, question asker!

You have been through a lot, and it has not been easy. You say that your family tied you up with a rope and took you to a psychiatric hospital. Your cousin also went there three times, and your sister-in-law and grandmother have also been there. There is a clear family history of mental illness.

Your current mental state and medication status are unclear. Your description lacks logic, but I can sense that you have endured significant pain from being hurt by your family.

If you have been diagnosed with a mental illness, you need to decide whether you think you are sick or being stigmatized. It's important to understand that our emotional state and subjective judgment of the outside world can be affected by our mental state. If you have not been taking medication consistently, it is possible that a relapse has caused your inner conflict and suffering to increase. You need to take medication as prescribed by your doctor to help you.

If you have a lot of self-dislike, it is likely related to the harm done to you by your family or your mental and psychological state. Be patient with yourself as it will take time to change. Take control by distracting yourself, doing more things within your abilities, and finding a sense of control in your life.

You must accept that the damage done to you by your original family is irreversible. However, you can change your own state of mind and take steps to mitigate the impact of their actions. You are doing an excellent job of reducing contact with your original family.

Otherwise, be optimistic and positive. You can change your life by taking action. Insist on cleaning your living space and buy flowers to liven up your home. Make small changes and take action little by little. You will feel comfortable and happy. Before you learn to accept yourself, be more tolerant and please yourself.

You should also seek professional psychological counseling to heal your inner wounds. Good luck!

Hello, question asker! I'm thrilled to discuss your question with you.

From the description of the questioner, it's clear that the questioner's family is going through a challenging period of acceptance. It's not easy to navigate when loved ones are unable to accept a mental illness, and it's understandable that the questioner is struggling to accept himself in this environment. It's a difficult situation, but it's also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

It's so sad that even family members are unwilling to get close to the questioner because of his mental illness. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for him to feel so isolated and abandoned.

I'm excited to learn more about the questioner's illness! It must have been a scary time for the family when the questioner was first diagnosed. It's inspiring to see how they've kept a positive outlook and are hopeful for a speedy recovery.

Has the questioner done any research into his condition? It would be great to know how long it will take to recover if he follows the doctor's advice!

Absolutely! The question asker can absolutely seek treatment on his or her own.

Due to the questions the OP has asked on the platform, we unfortunately don't have the chance to have a more in-depth exchange about the OP's questions. However, I'm happy to be able to give some brief advice on the OP's questions!

It's time to understand the way your parents treat you!

I'm so excited to help you with this! Why do the parents treat the questioner in this way? Are the parents' education and control of the questioner also because they are afraid that you will hurt yourself?

It may be due to conditions. Perhaps your parents' generation had a hard time just surviving, and they simply didn't have the time to learn how to love, how to deal with these issues, or how to run a household. But they did the best they could with what they had!

Let's assume that the questioner's parents were also rarely cared for in a nuanced way when they were children and were also treated roughly like the questioner. This means that when parents grow up, they bring the trauma of their original family into the family they form, unconsciously repeating the same mistakes. But here's the good news! This also means that they have the potential to break free from these patterns and create a family that is truly nurturing and supportive.

So, there are no perfect parents or perfect families in this world—and that's a good thing! Maybe parents were also exposed to too much inappropriate education and demands in their childhood, which can lead to fixed thinking. This is because of the limitations of life and the subtle influence.

When you're faced with something you don't understand or something you're afraid of, it's only natural to react in a way you're familiar with. Take the questioner's example – they were tied up and ignored, and that's how they were treated!

Of course, understanding the origin of the way your family elders treat you does not mean that you must immediately forgive your parents and elders. You have the power to choose not to forgive them if you want to! Some injuries are lifelong and even have a profound impact, and you can't make up for them.

It really depends on the situation. You can understand them, but you don't have to forgive them. You can choose to forgive them when you're ready to let go of the past!

It's time to express and share the pain inside!

If you do eventually reconcile with this childhood experience, you can express this past event. There are so many ways you can do this! You can share your inner thoughts in written form on the Internet, or you can share them with your family and friends, or with a counselor.

If you don't feel like talking to someone, you can also talk to your pets, plants, or dolls. We highly recommend that the questioner seek professional counseling from a psychologist. It is also possible to do so on the Yi Xinli platform, to find someone to share your emotions with. Talking about your childhood can help you release those negative emotions!

When it comes to your parents, it's time to speak up and share your feelings! From what you've shared, it seems like you haven't been valued or taken care of in the way you deserve. When problems arise, you've been met with rudeness and violence. It's time to take back control and express your emotions in a positive way!

It's time to learn how to handle your emotions!

If emotions come and you want to do something, be aware of what you want to do, what you want to express, and go for it!

What emotions do I need to release? I'm excited to find out if there's a way to release them without hurting my family!

Absolutely! You can also find things you like to vent these negative emotions without harming your family. If you really get emotional, try taking a deep breath, counting to 10 in your mind, and then see what you can do!

Embrace your amazing self!

Do more of the things you love! Find your life's goals and meaning in the things you enjoy. Embrace your personality and when you're feeling down, treat yourself to something you love.

Make yourself happy, and enjoy some sweets! Sweet things make the body happy, and they'll make you happy too! It's important to make yourself happy without harming others.

Don't let negative emotions take over your life!

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

Hello there! I just wanted to say that after reading your description, I could tell you're feeling pretty helpless, angry, and disappointed in yourself. I'm here for you, and I'd love to give you a warm hug if you'd like?

1.

Every family has its own way of doing things, and that's okay! When opinions conflict, we say what we think, they say what they think, and it can feel like we're on different planets, trying to understand each other's needs and motives behind our words.

This is such a tricky problem! It's like ants on a hot pan. I don't know if you've heard of this book, but if not, you should definitely read it. If you don't have much time, you can also listen to it.

2.

Life is like the leaves of a tree, thick and dense. These are anxious times. We know parents have their own tasks: on the one hand, they have to earn a living to support their families, and on the other hand, they have to take care of their children. And children have their own tasks, too, which vary with age. School-age children should study hard, and working-age children should do their jobs well.

3.

It's totally normal for them to have a different worldview from ours, since they lived in a different environment and experienced different things in their previous life.

It's so interesting how ideas can differ depending on how old someone is. It's also true that what we crave today, someone else might not have. And what we want from them might not be what they're offering.

As parents, we may sometimes find ourselves wanting to control our children and get a bit too involved in their lives. How can we say no without being forceful? I don't think violence is the answer. Talking calmly about it is a great way to start. Who is the most important person in the family? You can have a one-on-one chat first. Negotiating with one person is easy, but it can be tricky with a group.

4.

I've been keeping up with the news and have met a few folks in my circle who've been sent to the hospital by their parents. I've come to understand that one of the root causes is that parents and children aren't on the same page and can't seem to find common ground. This often leads parents to seek help from their relatives and peers to assist them in dealing with their children together. It's a last resort for them, but ultimately, it's because of love that using improper methods of dealing with your children can lead to hatred. Without love, there is no hatred. How to love ❤️ is a topic we'll always study. In the intertwining of love and hatred, it can be tough for us to maintain a balance in our hearts.

5.

If you keep fighting like this, you might end up hurting each other. It will be very draining, and the problem might still not be solved. Ask yourself: They have been like this for most of their lives. If they are not good at learning, you might not be able to convince them. It is better to give yourself hope than to have hope for them. After all, you are still young, and there are always more ways than problems. Based on my analysis, have you figured out a solution?

6.

It's time to sort out your problems and look for solutions! The difference between your ideals and reality is just a matter of execution. You can change yourself with your own practical actions. Since they are not the environment you want, try to change to an unfamiliar environment as much as possible, enrich yourself, and make yourself different from them! You've got this! Change yourself first, and they will change their opinion of you!

7.

If you have time, you can read some great books like (The Power of Self-Growth), (Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychologist), (The Courage to Be Disliked), (Low Self-Esteem and Transcendence), (Reconciliation with Your Family of Origin), and (Nonviolent Communication). If you don't have much time, you can search for audio recordings to listen to. They'll be helpful! First, accept yourself. No matter what others do to you, take care of yourself. Accept your good and bad sides. After all, no one is perfect!

8.

It's so easy to get caught up in complaining, but it doesn't change anything. It just makes you feel worse. The good news is that you can change your thoughts and behaviors to become better!

I really hope that all this writing has helped you in some way, and given you a bit of a boost. You're doing great! These difficulties are only temporary. Just keep on improving and changing yourself, and you'll get better day by day. Everything will pass!

Hello!

I can give you advice.

Your family has caused you a lot of harm. You don't want to go home because you've had painful experiences with your loved ones. This has left you feeling like you don't have any freedom or respect.

You should be in a foreign country right now. You chose to live in another city to escape your family and to start over.

You're in a foreign land, but you're still connected to your family. You've been tied up by relatives and taken to a psychiatric hospital. You're still angry about it.

You still care about them. This hurt has caused you too much damage.

If we're starting a new life in a big city, we should be filial and responsible towards our family. The past is the past, and your family member has a tendency towards violence and extreme behavior.

I may be the cause of some of his illnesses. I don't know if you've taken him to the hospital. If there are problems with his illness, we'll understand his behavior better.

His behavior has caused you harm. We've taken him for tests, and treatment will help him. You can also take other measures to stay away from him.

We can't abandon him because of his illness. We have to be aware of this. We've been hurt, and taking him to the hospital shows our respect for others.

But he also hurt us, and we need time to heal.

I think with time and positive treatment, you can improve things and reconnect.

You need to draw a line between your inner self and the present. If you start a new life, focus on the present. If you keep mixing the past into the present, you will remain trapped in your pain.

You also said you're unhappy with your personality, habits, and appearance. Everyone has a past, and if we didn't, we wouldn't be who we are. You may feel that your strengths, weaknesses, personality, voice, etc. are related to your loved ones, and you may feel resistant and disgusted inside.

But if we didn't have these relationships, we probably wouldn't exist. So just because we behave a certain way now, it doesn't mean we always will. We can adjust to our shortcomings, weaknesses, and tastes through the knowledge we have acquired.

Bad experiences and habits teach us what's good.

This is a good chance to improve yourself. Think about what you don't like and what you do like.

Write them on a piece of paper so we can analyze them and see if we can solve these problems through our current personal strength.

I believe you can do it. We've grown up and know what's good and bad. You have ideas for your life and career, but your family limits you.

So you can understand yourself better, which will help you in life.

Best of luck!

Click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom to continue.

Psychology Q&A Community, World, and I Love You: https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Dear Question Asker,

After reviewing your account, it is evident that you have experienced significant trauma. It is unclear, however, whether the term "trauma" is an accurate description. Additionally, the specifics of your childhood experiences remain unknown.

Please describe your relationship with your parents.

In your opening sentence, you state, "I don't accept myself, my physical body, my personality, my strengths and weaknesses, my voice, my experiences, my vulnerability, my anger, my tastes, my thoughts, my food preferences, my love life, my impulses, my stubbornness, my timidity, everything about me."

It can be observed that an individual may have experienced maltreatment from their parents during their early childhood. This could result in the internalization of an inadequate object, leading to a complete denial of the self and an inability to accept oneself. It is essential to consider the underlying reasons for an individual's inability to accept themselves. It is probable that they were not accepted during their early years.

The infant's earliest experiences shape their subsequent emotional development. If a mother responds promptly to her infant's needs, the child will develop a sense of security and love. Conversely, if the mother is consistently unavailable or unresponsive, the child will internalize a sense of being unloved and unsafe. This early trauma can have long-lasting effects on the individual's psychological well-being. Therefore, it is crucial to seek professional psychological support, whether long-term or short-term, to address these underlying issues.

The question thus arises as to why a significant proportion of the population is unable to accept themselves.

The reason may be that our desire is for everyone to be perfect, and we always want to do things perfectly. However, the reality is not what we think it is. When there is a discrepancy between reality and one's ideals, individuals may experience feelings of entanglement, annoyance, and depression. Furthermore, the more they dwell on this discrepancy, the more they may struggle to accept the truth and their own imperfections, which can ultimately lead to a heightened reliance on psychological support.

The process of learning to accept oneself necessitates an understanding of the origins of one's inability to accept oneself and the subsequent healing of that aspect of the trauma. It is only after the healing of numerous traumas that an individual becomes unable to accept themselves.

As you yourself have stated, you were held captive by those you loved and confined to a psychiatric hospital. This extreme and violent treatment must have caused you a new psychological trauma, as you must have questioned why those you trusted most would treat you in such a violent manner.

It is also necessary to clarify the specific details of the events in question. What was the rationale behind the decision to take the individual to the hospital, and what transpired during their stay?

What was the rationale behind the decision to take the trip? Additionally, what was the medical diagnosis following the completion of the requisite tests at the hospital?

Furthermore, you indicated that your cousin had been hospitalized on three occasions. Additionally, your sister-in-law, your cousin's mother, had been admitted twice, and your grandmother had been compelled to seek medical attention once. It is imperative to ascertain the precise circumstances surrounding these events, which can be effectively addressed through professional psychological counseling.

This will be of greater benefit to you, as the issue cannot be resolved in a brief period of time, nor can one achieve self-acceptance in a short span. This is a process that requires time and effort.

The world is in your corner, as I am.

Could I ask how old the questioner is? I feel the text paints a rather chaotic and sad picture, as though the person is not treated as a human being.

I'm not sure of the circumstances in the larger environment where the questioner is located, but it seems that you, your cousin, your sister-in-law, and your grandmother have all experienced what might be considered "inhuman" treatment.

Against this backdrop, it seems that only violent conquest can be used, and the person being subjected to violence has no power to argue or complain. It is possible that anyone who is even slightly rational and self-respecting might break down in such a situation. It is not only our rationality that might break down, but also our bodies and minds.

It may be helpful to imagine that you are in a dark space, surrounded by impenetrable walls, with no possibility of communicating with the outside world.

It would seem that the collapse in this situation is proof that we still have a certain level of lucidity and awareness.

"My aunt said I should marry someone less good." Perhaps the questioner had some expectations deep down—to save themselves through marriage and escape from this difficult situation. Instead of extinguishing the last spark of hope in your heart, your aunt's words have made you feel even more devastated, because "you should find someone less good." You already feel very bad now, so bad that it cannot be worse, and a little worse is unimaginable and terrifying.

It is not productive to try to break through the impenetrable barrier in front of you. Even if you do succeed, it will not have the desired effect. It will simply consume your energy. The "wise questioner" therefore turns his attention to himself. He does not accept everything about himself, not even the good. He is aware that he has flaws and imperfections. This allows him to feel alive and experience a range of emotions.

"It's not like you're having a funeral or your ID has expired, so there's no need to go home." It seems that the questioner has physical freedom. If this is the case, I wonder if the questioner's words might reflect your psychological reality and dilemma.

It's possible that the questioner is not yet fully aware of their own potential to make changes in their life. This could explain why your aunt's suggestion of marrying someone less suitable might be seen as a joke.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that this is simply her opinion, not yours. You may find that you no longer need to be influenced by the opinions of your family in this way.

You have the freedom to make your own choices, particularly when it comes to such a personal matter as marriage.

I truly believe that I have been able to provide you with some helpful insight, and I hope that my response has been beneficial to you. Wishing you the best!

In the past, we had no choice. But you, who have struggled tenaciously in such an environment, should not lose confidence in the future! Your future is in your hands.

Let's stop passing down tragedy!

Their lives have been shaped by their past experiences, and it is actually very difficult to change them because of their upbringing. But there is hope! In the face of such a situation, people will always blame the person themselves for all the problems.

And don't forget about the incredible impact that a family's upbringing environment can have!

The treatment of mental problems requires the joint efforts of doctors and family members. And the most important thing is that you believe that, no matter what the circumstances, you can save yourself! Others can be your aids on your journey.

Psychiatric hospitals should not be turned into a society without human rights by the environment. This is a problem that has been left behind, and it's time to move forward! A psychiatric hospital is a collection of people who are struggling together, and everyone gathers here because of different injuries.

It should become a fortress for fighting together! However, the psychiatric hospital in the small city is still developing.

The future is full of possibilities! Don't let the past hold you back. There's no need to doubt your own future because of this.

The journey to self-reconciliation is an incredible, step-by-step process. You'll gradually reconnect with your best, most authentic self and heal the deepest wounds in your heart. You'll become the complete, magnificent version of yourself!

I spent ten minutes reading your short text and found myself feeling particularly distressed. I found myself wondering what kind of terrible experience it was and what the cause might be.

I must admit that I still don't fully comprehend the extent of your feelings of fear, despair, hurt, and humiliation.

From what you've written, I get the impression that you're still identifying as a girl, and I really want to hug you.

Your question is: Should I hate my family of origin? I believe that behind this question may be an unspoken prohibition, the belief that one does not have the right to hate, or that hate is not an appropriate emotion.

Perhaps it would be helpful to say that it's important to express your anger in a way that feels comfortable for you. Seeing and expressing our emotions is an important part of loving ourselves.

You might consider finding a safe environment or person, expressing your feelings in a physical way, and using words to express your anger and grievances. You could also write it down and tear it up.

It is challenging for you to love yourself, but I truly believe you deserve to be loved. As I read your words, I feel a deep sense of compassion for you.

It's understandable to feel pain about not being able to fully accept yourself. In fact, it's something many of us struggle with. I admire your courage in sharing your inner feelings here and believe you're already on the right path.

My dear child, please take as much time as you need. May your suffering be seen, accompanied, and cherished by someone who cares.

Hello, I'm Shu Ya Qingzheng, and I'm so excited to hug you and share my thoughts with you here and now!

Do you feel a strong desire for equality and freedom when your family members try to control your thoughts for their own good? Then, hug them again!

You can use what you've learned from psychology to understand your feelings and needs better. Then, you can seek help to accept yourself and grow as a person. That's fantastic!

Let's dive right in and take a look at self-acceptance!

It's a fantastic way to affirm and recognize your own existence! Once you've fully understood and comprehended all the characteristics, advantages, and disadvantages about yourself, you'll be on your way to self-acceptance.

It's so important to have an objective and balanced evaluation system in place to support your self-acceptance. And it's essential to love yourself without any judgment first. Allow yourself to have some inferior and vulnerable parts, just as you allow yourself to be brave and confident.

At the same time, we need to give ourselves enough positive feedback so that we can have the strength to try and break through the limits of our potential that we once didn't believe we could have. And it can help us face the parts of life that are out of our control, let go peacefully, and help us find another way!

And the great news is that you can achieve self-acceptance! All you need is a stable and objective self-awareness of yourself, as well as the ability to self-regulate with equanimity and self-care.

Every choice and decision you make should be closely connected to your inner self. This way, you can avoid the pain of conflict and consumption, as well as betrayal and division.

You've seen your outer self and your inner feelings, and it's fantastic!

Embrace self-acceptance! It's a journey of self-discovery and self-awareness. Take your time, enjoy the process, and celebrate each step along the way. You've got this!

02. Get to know the "mirror self effect" and be true to yourself!

This theory is fascinating! It suggests that our self-concept is shaped by our interactions with others. In other words, how we see ourselves is influenced by how others see us. It's incredible to think that our self-feelings are determined by other people's thoughts and attitudes towards us.

It's true! We are first influenced by our family, an important group of others. They provide us with the material for survival, as well as some subtle influences on lifestyle and interpersonal relationships.

And some patterns will be passed down from generation to generation!

Mothers love their children, but their love is not flowing, but rather is contained within a sphere that they can control. The good news is that because they have not studied psychology, they cannot see the boundaries of individual relationships, and they cannot see your independent part.

This kind of love is not understanding or equal, nor does it give permission or accept. It also lacks recognition and appreciation. Therefore, this kind of love will suffocate you and make you feel like you're falling apart.

However, this imperfect love will also make us aware and awaken us, develop the desire to seek independence and autonomy, and ultimately help us gain more independent thinking skills and growth!

And through continuous learning and growth, becoming aware of one's own feelings and needs, and constantly trying to adjust the distance between each other to find a better and more suitable way of getting along—that's what makes our lives so happy!

Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, also said something very meaningful: "The best way to live your life is to change what you can, and accept what you cannot."

03, Accept and help your own inner child who is bound

Our memories of growing up are filled with happy and safe moments, but they also include some deeply-rooted memories of events that didn't feel good. These experiences continue to affect us in some way, but they also provide us with the opportunity to learn and grow!

Every time we think about it, it makes us feel hurt, as if we were seeing a frightened child who has been neglected, bound, and controlled. But it so longs to be understood and respected, to be allowed to accept and be treated as an equal—and it's ready to take on the world!

Absolutely! We all have a wounded child inside us, full of longing and sensitivity. So that every time an experience is awakened, even if we have grown up or are in middle age, we may let our state turn into that of a helpless child with little energy.

How can we possibly ask an injured child to love another child?

At this moment, what this wounded child inside needs is to be seen and embraced by oneself. Tell it: "Thank you for always protecting me, you are really great! Now that I have grown up, I don't need you to remind me anymore, let me help and love you!"

04. Growth It's time to start growing!

Absolutely! You can seek professional help from a counselor to accompany you for a period of time, so that you can accept yourself more powerfully and grow. Of course, you can also nourish and enrich your mind through continuous learning and adjustment, to gain growth and help.

The great news is that mindfulness meditation, spiritual writing, reading, and physical exercise can all help you a lot! They can relieve anxiety and conflicts, and help you accept your current self with a happy attitude.

You can find such courses and teachers on the Yi Xinli app. Take your time, it's okay! Seeing a problem is the first crucial step towards solving it. I believe in you! You can do this!

The world and I absolutely love you and we're so excited to help you!

Good day.

As a mindfulness coach, I believe that learning is the greatest asset to the human body.

From your description, I can discern a number of concerns, including doubts, helplessness, despair, collapse, pain, and a sense of being overwhelmed.

I will not delve into the specifics of the distress caused by the harm done to you by your family. However, I would like to offer three pieces of advice for your consideration:

Firstly, I recommend that you attempt to gain a deeper understanding of your own situation and provide yourself with a degree of emotional support.

This will help you to consider your options for the future.

You have stated that you are unable to accept yourself for who you are, that you have no feelings for your family, that you did not attend the funeral or apply for a new ID, that you feel no need to go home, and that you have been deeply hurt by them. In fact, if someone else were in your position, they would probably be just like you, dissatisfied with their family, unwilling to go home, and unable to understand why their family would hurt them. Because everyone longs for the care and love of their family, not the hurt, you can try to understand and comfort yourself, and "see" that confused, painful self of yours who has been hurt by your family and cannot accept yourself. This will give you the extra mental energy to think about other things, otherwise your mind will be constantly surrounded by all kinds of negative emotions.

Furthermore, allowing yourself to understand and accept yourself will enable you to effect change in the status quo. This may seem paradoxical, but it is nevertheless true that change is contingent upon the absence of change.

Secondly, I recommend that you adopt a rational perspective on your own situation.

Rational thinking can assist in gaining a deeper understanding of oneself and the surrounding reality.

To gain a rational perspective on the situation, it is essential to undertake the following three steps:

Firstly, it is important to recognise that some family members may lack the necessary skills to provide effective and appropriate care and support.

In other words, you are questioning why you were hurt by your family. However, it is likely that they do not know how to love well and even believe that the harm they do to others is for the good of the other person. As you mentioned in your description, your mother even said that you have become better, which indicates that they probably do not understand what true love is. Therefore, you must recognize the limitations of your family and acknowledge that they are imperfect.

It is important to note that this does not exonerate them from responsibility for the harm they have caused. However, it is hoped that you can adopt a more objective perspective and thus find some relief.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that the negative impact of your original family can be overcome, as you have the capacity to change.

Perhaps you were very young and vulnerable when you were hurt by your family, and you lacked the courage to act. However, you are different now. You have grown up, you are capable, and you have become mature. As you said, you have the ability to choose when to go home and when not to go home. This kind of initiative is likely to make you see your own abilities and gradually become more confident.

Third, recognize that your individual qualities are inherently positive and worthy of respect.

In your description, you indicated that you have difficulty accepting yourself. It is important to recognize that your positive and negative traits are not defined by your family or family members. The unique you is good enough and worthy of love.

It is also important to recognize your own strengths. It may seem as though you lack advantages, but everyone has them, and you are no exception. From your description, it is evident that you are capable of effective communication. Your decision to seek assistance demonstrates motivation, and your ability to choose whether or not to leave the situation shows financial independence. In summary, you possess numerous advantages. Additionally, it is valuable to adopt a growth mindset, as there is ample opportunity for improvement and perfection.

When viewed from a rational perspective, some of the negative emotions may be resolved.

I would like to suggest that you focus on yourself and consider what you can do to improve your situation.

When you conduct a rational assessment of your situation, you may also be able to identify the appropriate course of action. At this juncture, you should focus on your own performance and strive to do your best.

For instance, if you are experiencing strong dissatisfaction with your family, you can remind yourself that they may lack the ability to love themselves properly. Even if they do not love themselves, you can reassure yourself that you are not bad or unworthy of love because your existence is valuable. This positive suggestion may help you reconcile with your family of origin and boost your confidence.

Additionally, it is beneficial to identify and acknowledge the positive aspects of one's character, particularly during periods of success or achievement. This can foster a sense of self-worth and accomplishment, which in turn can enhance confidence and self-acceptance.

Additionally, you can address your own shortcomings, accept what is unchangeable, and modify what is changeable. As you gradually become a more proficient individual through action, you may also come to accept and approve of yourself.

It is also advisable to pay closer attention to your feelings, respect your feelings, and satisfy your needs. Over time, you will learn to love yourself, which will help you to agree with yourself. In short, you need to know that you can take action to improve the current situation.

When you take action, you will naturally find that all kinds of negative emotions in your heart are resolved. This is because action is sometimes the best way to overcome negative emotions.

I hope this response is helpful to you. If you would like to discuss further, you may click "Find a Coach" at the bottom of the page, and I will be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

Hello, host.

1. You must accept yourself. Your family has a lot to do with this, and you need to deal with these emotions first. You must accept the influence of your original family on you and the influence of the people in this big family on your identity. Accept this part. Your original family is just like this, and you are very unlucky to be born in such a family. This is very helpless, but it is a fact. No matter how sad and painful it is, you have to accept it. Accept that they are your relatives and that they have been treated badly by each other for various purposes.

2. Understand and recognize yourself. You are not a product of your environment. Your genes, family, and social environment will all shape your personality, but you are in control of your body, personality, emotions, lifestyle, strengths, and weaknesses. Everything about you is yours and unique to you. You and these things are inseparable.

You wouldn't exist if it weren't for these things. You are a non-existent person. Understand this, re-examine the material in you, feel them as your unique material, and slowly learn to feel yourself.

3. Understand and recognize your family members. They did not do it on purpose. They are both perpetrators and victims. Their actions were driven by an invisible force that ultimately harmed themselves and their family. Some of them never found out why until they died. You are luckier than they are. You feel the misfortune and tragedy of your family, and even hatred. You are awakening.

4. This is a long process, so be patient. You can also seek professional psychological counseling. It is highly beneficial to work with a professional.