Why do I always look at others with a low profile, be very passive and often get hurt?

Hello, host! I'm excited to answer your question because it's a great opportunity for us to explore the nuances of friendship. It's natural to expect friendliness from our friends, but sometimes reality doesn't match our expectations. It can be a bit uncomfortable, but it's also an opportunity for growth. After careful consideration, I've identified a few areas that require reflection:

First, the other person's attitude towards us is one of accusation and dissatisfaction, but they are also very proactive. This seems to make us very conflicted, because the other person's dissatisfaction and accusations do arouse our anger, but the other person's proactive attitude is hard for us to refuse. So, perhaps we need to think separately about the emotions behind this conflict, and there are some desires that we are not yet aware of. This is an exciting opportunity for us to gain insight into our own emotions and desires!

Second, our anger is real. After being accused, it will cause us to rebel and block the other person. This seems to be a kind of silent rebellion. Are you willing to tell the other person how you really feel about the anger you experience? Describing it to the other person is also, in a sense, teaching the other person how to treat us.

Once again, the other person's "Be good..." seems to use a child's magic spell to fix me in a place where there can be no different opinions, as if expressing dissatisfaction is wrong. Perhaps the reason we cannot express it is also bound by this. Perhaps we can consider what will happen if we and the other person disagree.

Your question is a great one! It really gets to the heart of how we should face different positions in the development of human beings. Anger is the best emotional expression, and expressing dissatisfaction is the second step. The third step is understanding and transformation. I think you have already involved yourself in both, which is fantastic! If this problem continues to bother you, I suggest you find a counselor to sort it out. Congratulations!

From what you've shared, it seems like you're experiencing a pain that's hard to reject.

Let's start with you, my friend.

As you said, it seems like you're on the path he's set for you.

It's a bit of a strange feeling, isn't it? It's like you're on the low end of the spectrum, while he's on the high end.

It's totally understandable that you feel uncomfortable with all these words. It's like you're trying to put into words something that's really difficult to express.

First, his actions make you feel a bit uncomfortable, but you know you shouldn't be angry.

Because, apart from him, no one else can be your friend. He really feels sorry for you and gives you charity from a position of superiority.

But is that really the case? Absolutely not!

This way of speaking makes me think of how I might come across to someone else.

Secondly, you can't block him, and it's not right to block him.

At this time, he made an analogy, comparing himself to your parents. I'm sure you wouldn't block your parents if they offended you, so why would you block him?

It's important to remember that he's not your parent, and comparing him to one doesn't make sense. What he's doing isn't okay, even if he's trying to justify it with this analogy.

I don't think this reasoning is valid, but he tries to convince you with it.

At the same time, it seems like he doesn't really understand why you're uncomfortable. Instead, he's making accusations, like, "How could you block me?"

Third, he knows you've had anxiety before and uses this to label you. "This is happening in our relationship because it's your problem."

Because you were feeling anxious. Now you have to turn it all around, all because you were feeling anxious.

Fourth, you have to be obedient and behave. And don't worry about the inappropriate behavior towards me before. It doesn't need to be communicated or explained.

In fact, this is a great opportunity for you to take responsibility for these things.

I'm sorry to say that this relationship is not very supportive or warm.

I'm sure you've been in this kind of conversation before.

It's so tough, isn't it? It's an unequal relationship with no respect or understanding, and there's manipulation and finger-pointing. It's really hard to deal with these emotions.

And now, you have a psychological need:

It's so hard when you feel like you're alone in a foreign land, isn't it? It's natural to crave emotional support and understanding when you have no support and no one to rely on. This relationship has put you in a difficult situation.

It's totally understandable that you feel so uncomfortable with him.

If you push him away, sweetie, you'll just end up feeling isolated and in a panic.

And then there's his part, too.

We're all human, and as humans, we have our limitations. Maybe his words and actions are exactly as you say, but they might not be the whole story. His family and upbringing have shaped his way of speaking.

I think he might have imitated some of the situations, too. It's possible that he was blacklisted, felt rejected, and was feeling pretty lost, but he ended up using a kind of "accusation and attack" against you to make himself feel better.

I guess he'd like to save face when he's around you again. I don't know.

So, it's also important to forgive the other person.

So, first and foremost, it's really important to respect your own feelings. If you don't feel comfortable, it's totally okay to take care of yourself first.

Secondly, relationships are a two-way street. As Peter Drucker wisely said, "If a person cannot provide value to others, that person will soon leave." Believe in your own value and be the best you can be!

It's not realistic to expect everything in a relationship to be perfect.

Third, it's important to express yourself firmly but gently and with reason. If you haven't made yourself clear, don't worry! Just clarify: I felt uncomfortable when you said that just now. I have had anxious moments in the past, but that doesn't mean I will always be like this. If you respect me, please don't say that again in the future.

It's so important to develop your strengths! People who appreciate you will definitely appreciate your proud and arrogant appearance, not your humble and ingratiating state.

We're never alone in this world. We're part of a big, beautiful society. We'll say goodbye to some people, and we'll also welcome new friendships and new relationships. Let your strengths shine, show your beauty, and express yourself authentically.

Let the people who accept you for who you are come close to you. Don't waste your precious energy on weak, fake relationships.

It's totally normal to feel some pain along the way. And it'll take a little effort to build up new psychological resources for support, but you've got this!

Hello, question asker.

You always look at others with a passive-and-often-get-hurt-26166.html" target="_blank">low profile and are passive and hurt. This shows you are in a paradoxical psychological state.

The old you was a timid child, but that child is not you. It was due to your upbringing, your experiences, and your original character. You hate and loathe that old state of mind, and thinking back to it brings back all kinds of sad memories. The timid child was a contributing factor to your anxiety.

You want to avoid it, abandon it, and create a brand new self.

Your low profile is your comfort zone. It's a battle between your "instinct" and "superego." Your instinct gives you security through a low profile. Your superego symbolizes your pursuit of self-transcendence and self-breakthrough. You're seeking self-fulfillment to better adapt to society's needs and realize your self-worth. This involves facing your own pain and self-protection.

You came to an unfamiliar city alone with few real friends around and felt a strong sense of helplessness. You were isolated and unsure of yourself. You lacked emotional connection and security! This is also one of the reasons why you are happy to add him back to your WeChat. At least in front of him, who knows you inside out, you can be honest and reveal your true emotions and thoughts.

You have grown up and matured. You need a sense of identity in your social role and a sense of self-fulfillment and value affirmation. You want to show that you are no longer the same person as you were before. He treated you with anger and rejection in the past. You are angry with him for still treating you in the same way as before. You are also angry with yourself for still having the same psychological needs as before.

You need to prove yourself to him and give yourself more psychological support and evidence to prove you have grown.

You are not yet ready to honestly face your old self. This is difficult, but you will get there. It does take a lot of time and experience to reach a level of reconciliation with your past self, but you can do it.

You have already stepped out of your comfort zone and are moving towards a brand new you. This is a long journey, and you have already come halfway. This conflict is a process that you must inevitably go through. Don't worry. You will complete this journey of psychological growth.

I'm ready to fight (ง •̀_•́)ง, and I'm going to win.

Hello, host! I'm so honored to answer your question. From what you've shared, it seems like you're feeling pretty angry about a friend who's blocked you and is being verbally aggressive.

He knows about your past and takes medication for depression/following-a-traumatic-event-i-have-been-experiencing-persistent-anxiety-for-a-week-constantly-feeling-as-though-my-sense-of-self-is-disintegrating-8719.html" target="_blank">anxiety. From time to time, he'll tease you about it, treating you like a child, which makes you feel a bit frustrated.

I can understand why you don't want others to treat you like a child. It seems like his concern is more about relieving his own internal state of depression and anxiety through your attacks. I can see how you might come across as angry.

You're in a new place, with just a few friends, and you're really eager to chat with others to fill a void in your life. He was the first to reach out, hoping to connect with you and share some good times.

But deep down, he knows he doesn't want to bow his head, so he's chosen to attack your scars. This satisfies his inner narcissism and gives him something to project outward. It's sad to see people like this, who are both pitiful and hateful.

When you received this text message, you felt a rush of anger. You know that his text message made you feel like that timid child again. It's a feeling you don't like, and it's something you've been working on letting go of.

And that so-called friend often attacks your sore points with vicious words and is used to basing his own happiness on other people's suffering. Faced with this situation, you have two choices: either work hard to become stronger and accept yourself as you once were, a timid and weak child, but who has become strong through your own efforts, or stay away from this friend who is overflowing with negative energy.

It's not easy for him to be in this state without showing his verbal aggression. I'm really happy to have an appointment. 1983. The world and I love you!

Hello, host! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

I totally get it! Your friends often use vicious words to poke at your sore spots, making you feel angry and helpless inside. You expect the other person to treat you kindly, to take care of your psychological feelings and not make you feel uncomfortable. Have you ever expressed these needs to your friends specifically? Living in an unfamiliar city, we don't have many real friends. What we need is the support and understanding of friends, not the other person's attacks and harsh words, right? In fact, you always have a choice. You can choose your friends, you can choose who to make friends with, and you can also choose how to live your life...

I've got some great advice for you!

You can try to express your real needs to your friends! Be clear about your inner requests and what you expect from them.

I don't know how you usually communicate, but you said that when you saw that text message, your mind went blank, and you sent five text messages in reply, but it still couldn't calm your anger. So, what exactly were the contents of those five messages? Did they clearly express your needs, your true feelings, and what you wanted him to do? If you simply attacked and accused him, it actually wouldn't have much effect. After he read it, apart from feeling your attack and accusation, he wouldn't know what your needs were, or what he could do to make you feel more comfortable. But you can do better than that! You can choose to communicate in a way that is clear, calm, and constructive. You can choose to express your needs, your true feelings, and what you want from the other person in a way that is respectful and helpful. You can choose to communicate in a way that is effective and positive.

So, let's make a change! Let's adjust our communication style and start expressing our feelings and needs clearly. Let's also make sure we're specific about what we want from the other person.

It's important to create a good communication atmosphere to ensure effective communication. If you're both feeling emotional, it's not the best time to talk. We also need to be non-judgmental and non-accusatory. Let's focus on the facts and then express our feelings and thoughts, needs, and specific requests to each other. For example, you can say, "So-and-so, you said that I am 'too hot-tempered, and no one but you can be my friend...' I felt sad, uncomfortable, and angry when I heard that. I feel aggrieved. I especially need you as a friend, to give me some understanding and support, to give me more respect and care. In the future, please don't say these words that attack me anymore, but give me more encouragement and care, okay?"

When you can express your true feelings, your specific needs, and your requests, your heart will be more open than ever! The other person will also know better than ever what they can do to truly support and help you.

2. The great thing is, at any time, you have the right to choose your friends, and we have the right to choose in terms of socializing!

We all know that people are social animals and that we need to have some interpersonal relationships. The great thing is that we can simply divide our interpersonal relationships into two categories: supportive and consumptive.

Now, think about your family and friends. Are there some people you get along with really well? Are you comfortable with them? Do you feel like you can say anything to them, even things you're a little embarrassed about? You don't worry about them criticizing you, thinking you're bad, disliking you, or leaving you. You just feel supported! Having a supportive relationship with someone can make your heart feel more stable, peaceful, and joyful. It's amazing how much warmth and support we can get from such relationships!

We will also encounter other people with whom we may feel scared, fearful, cautious, or afraid of upsetting them, of them not liking us, of them leaving us. These are unsupportive relationships in which we will become more and more drained and less and less like ourselves. But, we can choose to change that!

I'm excited to introduce you to a new concept: the consumable interpersonal relationship!

So, you can see for yourself. What type of relationship do you have with these two good friends?

In fact, at any time, we have the right to choose our relationships! We try to seek supportive relationships and spend more time with people who make us feel comfortable, so that we can be nourished and gain strength from our relationships. And for those relationships that are draining, we can let go or have less contact, and move on to something better!

3. Anxiety comes from a sense of instability, and helplessness comes from a lack of inner strength. But there's so much we can do to boost our sense of inner security and strength!

I also came out of the instability of anxiety and the helplessness of powerlessness and became calm and determined. And I'm so excited to share with you the lessons I've learned along the way!

The first step is to accept yourself! Accept your character and your imperfections, and see both your shortcomings and your strengths and values.

The first step to gaining inner strength and becoming stronger and stronger is to accept yourself. And it's a great step to take!

Embrace the journey of self-acceptance! It's not always easy, but it's worth it. When your inner voice is doubting you, practice acceptance. See beyond your shortcomings and recognize your strengths. You have so much value, and you can make the most of your strengths and live a fulfilling life with your shortcomings.

When you accept yourself, you can live with your shortcomings. Your heart will become lighter and lighter, and you will become more and more powerful!

The great news is that many people are just like you, imperfect, but many people can live well with their own shortcomings. You can do it too! All you need to do is see the complete, true, and comprehensive self, accept your own imperfections, and live a comfortable life.

Now for the second step! It's time to recognize your own strengths and value, and to give yourself lots of positive psychological suggestions. Affirming and supporting yourself is the way to become more and more confident!

When we lack something inside, we seek it outside, but everything outside is unstable and beyond our control. The good news is that we can control our own affairs, that is, our own actions and thoughts!

The fact that we need external recognition shows that we don't approve of ourselves enough. But there's no need to worry! We can easily overcome this by practicing approving of ourselves and encouraging ourselves. When we approve of and support ourselves enough, we won't care so much about other people's approval and evaluation.

And when you accept and recognize yourself, it's amazing how others will also increasingly recognize and believe in you! You'll exude your own charm and radiate confidence, and they'll see it!

That's why you are the source of everything! Change yourself, and you will change your world!

And finally, we get to cultivate our self-confidence and sense of security, and constantly improve our abilities and knowledge!

The great news is that confidence comes from strength and hard work! When we become someone we approve of through our own efforts, our hearts will become more and more powerful and steadfast.

You can set yourself amazing goals and then work towards achieving them one step at a time. By achieving your goals, your abilities will gradually improve, your knowledge will accumulate, and your experience will become richer and richer. You will feel more and more secure, have a greater sense of control over your life, and naturally become more and more confident.

The best goals are the ones that are just challenging enough! If the goal is too small, you'll feel unchallenged and bored. If it's too big, you'll feel overwhelmed and lose confidence. Medium-intensity goals are the perfect motivator! When we work hard to achieve these goals, we'll feel a sense of achievement and self-confidence.

For example, if your current walking level is 4,000 steps per day, then set your daily goal at 4,500-5,000 steps! You've got this!

When you set goals that suit you according to your abilities, the most important thing is to persevere. You can do it! Only action can help you overcome difficulties and truly experience your own value.

Keep encouraging yourself, keep giving yourself positive mental suggestions, believe that you can, and you really can! Come on!

Keep up the great work! Keep giving yourself positive mental suggestions. You can do it! Come on!

I really hope this helps! Wishing you all the best!

Hello! You are angry at your friend because of a text message.

His text message was an attempt to salvage your friendship, but what he said made you feel like he was treating you like a child. This is unacceptable. You deserve better. You are now more conflicted about interpersonal relationships, avoiding and looking forward to them at the same time, often caught in internal conflict.

Understand your feelings.

Look at the problem from a different perspective.

Your account shows that your friend's text had a big impact on you and hurt you deeply. You were happy to reply, but then you got into an argument.

You say you saw his text message and your mind went blank, with countless points of anger mixing with your understanding of him. When you interpret his words as malicious or sarcastic, you are right to feel hurt.

Words are a source of misunderstanding. Psychologists have long said that our inner world cannot be accurately described in words.

When you see only words without any emotional attachment, you have to ask yourself: is the information you're receiving really what your friend wants to convey? You might want to consider looking at it from a different perspective.

Your friend says that you are too short-tempered and that no one but him can be your friend. This is a clear comment on you. It also seems to say that he feels that he is important in your life and that he is special to you.

A friend said, "Even if your parents make you angry, you shouldn't block them." Blocking is a serious way to treat a friend, and it's not okay to do so.

You blocked him because of a conflict, and he seems hurt. But he's still willing to add you back. He's saying he's tolerant of you and cares about you.

When a friend says to you, "Be good. I won't do it again. Add me back quickly," they're talking to you like a child, but adults also express themselves this way when they're close. And when there's just been a conflict between two people, communicating in a childlike manner will reduce the awkwardness.

I'm going to play a game with you. Look at the red things in the room for 10 seconds. Then close your eyes and name the blue things.

Most people only think about red when they are observing, so they can't even talk about blue when their eyes are closed.

The color blue is there, but we don't see it because when we think of red, we can only see red. This is the game: "What your heart feels is what the world looks like to you."

First, empty your mind. Then read your friend's text message. You'll feel less offended.

Be aware of your own heart.

You said you had a clear mindset at the time: you treated the text message as if you were that timid child again, angry and helpless.

From what you wrote, it's clear that you once identified with being a timid child, but you rejected that aspect of yourself. When you perceived that the other person saw you in that way, you became angry.

When you feel angry, you need to observe what your point of anger is. You hate your own timidity and wish you were stronger and braver.

Or are you unhappy being a child and not being mature enough?

You say that when you are dealing with interpersonal relationships, you expect the other person to treat you well, take care of your psychological feelings, and not make you feel uncomfortable. This kind of thinking indicates that you expect the other person to take care of you like a child.

You want your friends to treat you like a child, but not think you're weak like one. It's a contradictory desire.

Growing up is painful. We all want to be taken care of like children, and this longing affects our relationships and even our choices in love and marriage.

We must grow up. No one can remain a child forever. We must mature, face our responsibilities, find our place, and fight for our future.

Help yourself grow.

Often, we get angry at other people's comments because we are afraid they are true and that we really are like they say.

You hate it when people treat you like a child. Don't get angry. Grow up. When you believe in your heart that you are no longer a child, no matter what others say, you can probably just laugh it off.

Growing up means getting to know yourself. From what you've shared, it's clear you're perceptive. This sensitivity will help you become more self-aware.

The most difficult thing is to face it. But you can do it. When we really face it and see the real self inside, we are already on the road to growth.

You're right, growing up means taking responsibility. You also said that in an unfamiliar city, you don't have many real friends and you feel a strong sense of helplessness. This feeling is very real.

You may reach a point in your life where you have to take responsibility for yourself. If you can take care of yourself, you can also take care of and look after others. Those who are capable of giving first are stronger.

Growing up means continuous learning. If you don't want to be treated like a child, you need to learn to solve problems in an adult manner.

Adults treat friends with more understanding, acceptance, and tolerance. They respect each other while seeking common ground and accommodating minor differences. Even if they can't be friends, they treat each other with courtesy because they know they might not meet again.

I am Teng Ying, a psychological counselor, and I know this will help!