Why do I care so much about my dad's image?

Good morning, my name is Baili Tianrheren.

The act of offering someone a rose has the effect of leaving one's hands with a pleasant aroma.

It is my hope that this response will prove helpful to the questioner.

As outlined in the questioner's description, the primary concerns are as follows:

1. The persistent and unwelcome attention from former classmates.

2. Anger at the disparagement of the father's reputation.

3. I am dissatisfied with my father's actions and find it challenging to navigate interactions with individuals who disparage me without realizing it and express anger.

Problem analysis:

From the questioner's description, it is evident that the individual in question is sensitive and has some concerns regarding his father's behavior. Consequently, he has developed a strong emotional bond with his father. However, familial ties are often strong, and the individual also has positive feelings towards his father. When faced with criticism from his elementary school classmates about his father, the individual experiences a strong negative emotional response, but is unable to refute it, which creates a sense of difficulty.

The following advice is offered to the questioner:

1. It has been years since you have seen your elementary school classmate, with whom you have minimal contact. Therefore, it is advisable to maintain basic courtesy. There is no need to engage in lengthy discussions with her. What she tells you is usually gossip, and half of it is meant to make you look bad. Therefore, if you take it seriously, you will be at a disadvantage. It is advisable to disregard what she says.

2. With regard to the anger caused by the belittling of your father's image, this is a reasonable emotion, so there is no need to feel bad about it. A student represents the school when they are out and about, and a child represents the family. The same is true of the image that parents represent for the family. Therefore, when you encounter someone who belittles your father, they are actually belittling your family. In this situation, you need to defend your family. At the same time, it is important to remember that other people's gossip about family matters is not necessarily correct.

3. While your father may have engaged in some regrettable actions in the past, this does not necessarily indicate future behavior. It is possible that external factors have contributed to his current situation. You can utilize your care, warmth, and encouragement to facilitate positive change.

As long as you are prepared to work hard, there is hope for change.

I hope the questioner is in a position to be happy, healthy, and content.

Hello!

Host:

After reading your post, I can see that you care a lot about your father's image. I also see that you've been brave in expressing your own distress and seeking help on the platform. This will help you understand yourself better and adjust accordingly.

I'd love to share my observations and thoughts in the post, which I hope will help you to view the situation from a more diverse perspective.

1. Have you ever wondered why we care so much when our father's image is bad?

In the post, the original poster mentioned that she thought to herself, "My father doesn't make any money, and he hasn't done anything wrong, but everyone in my class knows about it." (While trying to defend my father's image, I feel sad about what happened to me in the past. My father has a bad image, but what does that have to do with me? Why do I care so much?

When you read this, you can really see how the original poster feels. You might even feel a little "shame."

So, you might be wondering, why do we feel this way? Well, from a psychological perspective, it's because we haven't quite finished processing our feelings about our dads.

And after all, dad is one's own dad. Many people feel that they can feel that dad is wrong, but no one else can say it. It can also be simply understood as a state where oneself and one's father are "one."

And it's totally normal for kids to go through a phase where they're still learning and don't have all the answers. They soak up all the info they can from their family, and it's easy to see why they'd think their parents are super powerful and basically gods!

We can only live our best lives with them. And this can also be understood as the fact that we are part of our parents, because we simply cannot live without them.

So, if we always keep this in mind, then when others talk about the negative image of fathers, of course we will care, because they are also talking about "ourselves."

2. Give it a try! Try to separate from the subject.

As you can see from the post, the poster is gradually learning to separate emotionally from their parents. This is a process that we all need to go through in order to grow and develop mentally.

It's so important for us to complete our independence, and to do so, we need to complete the subject of separation. And this is also a sign of our independence and maturity.

So, how do we separate?

Let's take a look together, shall we? When we were young, most of the information we received came from our family. But as we received an education, we also received information from society. Our sense of self became stronger and stronger, and we gained more and more knowledge. We came to understand our parents from different perspectives and realized that they were just ordinary people, not gods.

This is how our sense of self grows stronger and our ability to be independent grows stronger. And separation is achieved step by step.

It's often easy for us to separate from our parents in terms of our lives and material possessions, but more difficult emotionally. That's okay! We just need to remember that we can only be responsible for our own lives, and parents also need to be responsible for their own lives.

We can't possibly carry the weight of other people's lives on our own. Of course, taking responsibility for ourselves and our parents taking responsibility for their lives doesn't mean we don't care about them. We absolutely have a duty to support them!

It's also important for them to take responsibility for their actions.

Task separation is really just about knowing the difference between what's yours and what's your parents' business.

I really hope this helps and inspires you in some way. If you have any questions, just click on Find a Coach to chat with us one-on-one.

Your father's affairs are his own business, and ultimately, it's up to him to manage his image. He may have made some choices in the beginning that were not in line with his desired image. It's not necessary for you to dwell on what your father did, as you are a unique individual with your own path to follow.

It is understandable that these experiences from the past might evoke sadness, and the family situation at the time also had a negative impact. With a calm and mature perspective, I believe it is possible to face this matter in a constructive manner. It is natural for anyone to care about their parents.

Regardless of one's perception of their parents, they remain one's parents, a fact that cannot be altered. You recently encountered an old primary school friend, and she initiated a conversation with you. It's likely that she has been residing in the city for quite some time.

They also enjoy discussing current events and other people's lives. They will often inquire about your current situation and your father. There was a time when your father's circumstances changed due to the birth of your younger brother and other reasons. This resulted in your mother taking on a greater financial responsibility to support the family. I imagine it was a challenging period for you both.

It's possible that other students simply wish to hear about the lives of their classmates from time to time. They may enjoy a little harmless gossip, but it's not meant to be malicious. It's understandable that your father's reputation may not be as positive as you'd like, but it's ultimately your father's decision to make. If he were more concerned about his public image, he might consider making some changes. You have your own life to live, and you're welcome to seek guidance from a mental health professional if you'd like.

Could I ask you a question, ZQ?