Why do I dare not speak up confidently with my head held high each time?

Dear poster, I hope this message finds you well. I came across your description and it resonated with me deeply. I'll try to share a few thoughts, though I tend to feel shy when I speak.

When I speak, I often feel a bit shy and find it challenging to hold my head high with confidence. I sometimes notice my face blushing uncontrollably, which can be discouraging.

I also try to motivate myself (I really am no worse than anyone else), and I believe that self-suggestion is probably the driving force to keep going.

Despite my best efforts to motivate myself, I often find that the results are not as effective as I would like. I am tired, but I believe I can handle the problem. However, there are times when I feel less capable, and I find myself stuck in the same place.

From what I can see, you have been very encouraging to yourself, and I admire your courage.

I imagine that the host may also experience a certain lack of confidence in life and a tendency to become discouraged.

If I may be so bold, I would like to extend a virtual hug to you as well, because I empathize with your situation.

It can be quite exhausting.

This kind of tiredness is probably what is referred to as "mental tiredness." It is a deep sense of not having enough energy, mixed with a sense of powerlessness, depression, and distress. Despite these challenges, we persevere.

I wonder if there is anything else we can do at this time. Perhaps the direction and motivation of our efforts lie in the fact that we also want to grow.

Growing up can sometimes be an uncomfortable experience. It is important to be able to tolerate certain things, accept aspects of yourself, and tolerate aspects of the outside world.

It is also important to accept your imperfect side while you continue to learn.

I believe that what others think of you has no bearing on your abilities, but it can temporarily restrict your potential.

Learning is a key element in developing confidence. There are many ways to learn, including through psychology, developing a new skill, or training to improve emotional intelligence.

Even if you simply learn to cook, pick up some useful communication skills, and so on, and learn what you want to learn,

When you have acquired more knowledge than others, you can express yourself with confidence.

I wish you the best and I'll be rooting for you!

Hello, question owner!

You say you dare not hold your head high, but this is actually a sign of extreme inferiority. You always think you are worse than others. We can see that you have tried to change yourself, but you have never been able to make a change. We know that people grow up and become stronger in the face of setbacks. If you have not grown up in the face of setbacks, it means that the setbacks have not played an inspiring role in you, which is why you have been unable to change. But you can change!

If someone has done something that makes you extremely sad or angry, and you lose control of your emotions, something amazing happens! The positive energy that inspires you is triggered, and you think about what you should do to fight back. Then your courage is triggered!

You can absolutely improve your confidence, even if you think you're lacking in it right now.

Affirmation is the key to growing your self-confidence! If you're afraid to speak with your head held high, it'll affect your self-confidence. Our self-confidence comes from seeing our own merits. Grab a piece of paper and write down your strengths and weaknesses. Then, correct your weaknesses and face your strengths! When you're face-to-face with other people again, think about your strengths, affirm yourself a little more, or tell yourself, "I am not worse than other people, so what if I speak louder? I hold my head up high and my chest out, so what will other people do to us?"

When we hold our heads high and our chests out, we exude confidence and courage, and it's contagious!

There are so many ways you can improve your self-confidence from the outside environment! For example, you can read more, do things you like, and enhance your self-confidence. You can also establish your own external image. No matter what you look like, you should always be clean and tidy, giving a good impression, and improving your positive emotions. You can read more books with positive energy, let the positive energy flow into your heart, stay away from negative emotions, improve your vision and insight, start with small things, persevere, work hard, exercise your perseverance, and when you are strong, persevering, and persistent, your confidence will follow!

I really hope my answer is helpful to you!

Good morning, question asker.

It's commendable that you're addressing this issue directly. Having a clear understanding of the problem, its impact on your life, and your desired course of action is an excellent starting point.

I admire your perseverance and fortitude.

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, the results may not be immediately apparent. It would be beneficial to take a step back and calmly analyze the root cause of the problem. When did this situation first come to your memory?

Could you please describe what happened before and after? And now, could you please describe what happens when this situation arises again?

Could you clarify whether this occurs every time you state something, or every time you want to express an opinion?

Or perhaps it would be helpful to consider how making a request to the other party might be affected by this?

I believe it can be analyzed from these dimensions:

1. Could you please share how your parents' discipline affected you when you were a child? Analyzing the original family can help us better understand ourselves, know ourselves, and handle relationship issues with our parents.

For instance, if parents are neglectful, children may develop an inferiority complex, become fearful of asserting themselves, and encounter challenges in their interpersonal relationships. Conversely, if parents are overly demanding, children may exhibit a cautious and reserved personality, be reluctant to take action, and experience difficulties in completing tasks.

2. It is important to assess your own strengths and weaknesses in a fair and objective manner. Everything has two sides. If you were to view your negative self-assessment from a different perspective, what would it look like? Is it understandable that you are kind to others because you have no temper?

I understand that you might be feeling a bit cautious. But I believe you have other strengths that you can draw on.

3. It might be helpful to take an objective look at your own abilities. Could it be that you are hesitant to speak up because you feel you are not particularly skilled at expressing yourself?

Or might there be a concern that the advice you offer might not be entirely suitable? Or could it be that expressing your needs could potentially lead to rejection?

Finding the root of the problem is the first step towards finding effective ways and means of change.

1. It would be beneficial to learn to "reconcile" with your parents. If we do not deal with our past, we may unknowingly let this immature self of ours re-enact the past with our children. It would be helpful to learn to "reconcile" with our parents.

(1) Consider learning to accept and express, to acknowledge the psychological harm caused by the unfair treatment you suffered during your childhood, and accept the fact that it happened.

(2) Attempt to comprehend and pardon. It is important to recognize that our parents were also children, and that they were not infallible. By employing our mature selves to re-examine our relationship with our parents, we can gain valuable insights from our childhood experiences, regardless of whether they were joyful or challenging.

(3) Final letting go and reconciliation. Reconciliation is not about making up, but rather, when you mention your family again, you find that you have no resentment towards your parents, no tears of grievance, and no anger.

"The so-called father and daughter, mother and son, just means that your relationship with him is that in this life, you will constantly see his back recede into the distance as he walks away. You stand at one end of the path, watching him disappear around the bend, while he gently reminds you in the background that there is no need to chase after him. "It would be beneficial for us to focus on ourselves, take care of ourselves, put our own affairs first, and learn to love ourselves.

2. Learn to "reconcile" with yourself. In fact, letting go of how you see yourself in the eyes of others is a form of reconciliation with yourself. It's natural to worry about friends leaving you, but when you are doing your best, they will likely return. You might try the following:

(1) It might be helpful to find a close friend who will listen to you. If you don't have such a friend, you could consider talking to a psychological counselor.

(2) Allow yourself to be spontaneous from time to time. Consider taking a spontaneous trip. "The meaning of food and scenery is not to escape, not to hide, not to acquire, not to record, but to change your worldview in an environment beyond imagination, and slowly change the things you really feel are important in your heart."

(3) Consider identifying your own strengths: You might try writing down five of your strengths every day. If you're unsure where to begin, you could ask a family member for help. Persevering for a period of time may help boost your self-confidence and sense of worth.

(4) Consider setting yourself a goal and learning to reward yourself. You might set yourself a feasible goal, break it down, and reward yourself appropriately for each stage achieved. You may find that regular self-affirmation helps you believe in yourself more.

(5) Consider letting go of the harsh demands you make on yourself and doing more things that make you happy.

3. Consider ways to enhance your communication and expression skills.

(1) Consider ways to improve your reading and reading comprehension skills. You might try taking notes, writing book reviews, etc. As the saying goes, "poetry and books give you inner beauty." The more you accumulate in your daily life, the more confident you may naturally become.

(2) You might consider practicing your public speaking skills. One way to do this could be to read aloud in front of a mirror or record yourself on camera.

I hope that sharing my own experiences will be of some help to you, as I too was once a very shy person.

Dear host,

Hello, my name is Xing Ying, and I'm a psychological counselor and a national-level 3 psychological counselor.

Reading your words word by word, I see you encouraging yourself again and again, only to be disappointed again and again. You try so hard, but the results aren't what you hoped for. I can see that you're feeling sad, frustrated, and a little powerless.

I really try hard to understand what you're working so hard for.

If others can do it, why can't I? I'd really love to be able to do it too!

I really am no worse than others, sweetheart.

My friends say that I can't get along with people, that they leave me, that I have no temper, that I have no guts, that my family leaves me, and that my relatives leave me.

Do you ever feel like you can't leave others? I totally get it. It's so hard to believe that if others can do it, you can do it too. But you can! You just need to believe in yourself.

"If others can do it, why can't I?" I know this might sound familiar.

I bet you've heard this sentence before: when we don't do well on an exam, when we can't solve a problem, when we can't meet a certain requirement. At some point, this sentence encourages us to work hard.

We've really benefited from them, haven't we? Over time, we've come to believe that if others can do it, then I should be able to do it too. If I can't, then it's because I'm not good enough, right?

It's okay if we can't do everything someone else can do. We're all different! And just because I can do something, it doesn't mean you can.

If we always try to be perfect, we might lose sight of our own uniqueness. We're all different, and that's a beautiful thing! We might not all have the same background, education, or experiences, but that's what makes us special. So, let's not compare ourselves to others. We can't always do what they do, but that's okay!

If we think this is the standard, we're also setting ourselves up for disappointment. It's easy to think that if others can do it, I can do it too, and if others can't do it, I can't either. But in reality, who is like that?

If you can't achieve this goal, it's totally normal to feel self-doubt. We all have those days! Even though you might want to say aloud, "I'm really no worse than anyone else," it's okay if you're not so sure in your heart.

It can be really tough for someone who doesn't feel great about themselves to speak with their head held high. When you're not sure about yourself—

I'm afraid to speak up and stand tall every time, and I always lower my head shyly when I speak.

It's not you who is bad, sweetheart. You've just set an extremely unreasonable expectation for yourself, without even realizing it.

So, I'd like to share a couple of tips with you that I think could really help.

1. Let's stop putting so much pressure on ourselves to be like everyone else. It's so much more rewarding to admire what others can do!

2. Think about what makes you special. For example, your unyielding self-motivation is not something everyone can achieve. You must have something else, too. Find it!

Another great idea is that you don't have to be better than others to gain friendship.

Have you ever thought about why friends and relatives might leave? It's not because they think you're inferior, right? After all, you wouldn't leave a friend just because they seem a little worse off than you.

When we appreciate the strengths of others without comparison and freely present our own differences, it's like the shackles on us are removed and our charm is revealed! Every life is unique and different. With an appreciative eye, we discover the good in others and the beauty in ourselves, and a connection is formed.

Just as you're doing right now, every respondent is connecting with you with sincere emotions. We don't like each other because whose answer is more standard. What connects us is the unique experience and sincere emotions of each life in the text.

If you're still feeling a little shy, you can also smile shyly with your head down. I think that would be beautiful too! The world and I love you!

Hello!

From your story, I have made a few notes:

1. You blush and look down when you talk to people. You have tried many times, but it has not helped. Apart from exposure therapy, you may need to find the cause of your shyness.

What was the context of the repeated hurtful comments?

2. You are no worse than anyone else. Is this tone angry or exasperated?

If it's not a problem, maybe it's time to let public opinion go and take control.

3. Some friends think you're not nice and have left you. Is it because you're strong-willed, speak your mind, have different values, or can't satisfy each other's needs?

Friendship is a feeling that comes and goes. No one stays friends forever.

4. Some friends say you're not temperamental. Do you agree?

Do they really know you? Are you calm, or do you hide your temper? Do you let your loved ones down?

Is it wrong to be short-tempered? No.

Some people say having a hot temper is bad.

5. Some relatives think you don't have the guts. It depends on what you need guts for. You can't get things done just by having guts and drive.

It's good to be responsible.

6. If you work hard, people will see. Some people don't like you, but others do. We can't please everyone, but we can live with integrity for ourselves.

Good luck!