Why do I dislike my mother when she constantly denigrates me, hurting my self-esteem?

Dear Answerer, I am moved by the depth of emotion conveyed by this title. I believe that individuals who have not experienced these circumstances are not in a position to counsel us to remain calm and kind, unless we cultivate our own inner strength, which is the most effective means of resolving issues with ourselves and our families.

Even when one accuses the other, the accused may still claim to understand the accuser. However, the accused may then ask, "How can I understand you when you're like this?"

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I extend my support to you. I have experienced this process on numerous occasions. When I am tempted to retaliate by hurting her, I find it helpful to imagine punching a bag. She does not accept my explanations. Therefore, I advise you to calm down.

Should you allow yourself to become emotionally invested in the situation, you may find yourself unable to extricate yourself from the dynamic and even confirm that you are acting in a childish and emotional manner.

It is therefore recommended that a more reasonable approach be adopted in order to gradually disengage from the perceived control exerted by the individual in question. It is acknowledged that this may initially prove challenging, however, it is believed that with perseverance, success can be achieved.

One must believe in oneself while also accepting responsibility for one's actions.

One must inquire of oneself whether one tends to resent those who have dictated one's decisions at all times when one feels powerless. I do, in fact, tend to do so.

For your information, at what point am I most powerful?

I am cognizant of the fact that she and they have the capacity to exert influence over my life, given that I have permitted them to do so. I am unable to ascertain my own path, and thus I tend to cede decision-making authority to others.

However, when one is certain of one's desired destination, it is difficult for others to impede one's progress. This concept can be applied to any individual.

Such impediments are similarly ineffectual when applied to others.

[You are the master of your own life.

Therefore, each individual is the version of themselves that they have chosen to be, representing the most authentic expression of their identity. It may be the case that advice is unnecessary; what is required is a genuine act of self-care, regardless of the outcome, to cultivate self-belief and become the person they aspire to be, which is often described as the ideal version of themselves.

Hello, question asker! I'm your answerer, Silver Fox.

From what you've said, I get the sense that you're feeling a lot of pressure, exhaustion, and anger. I can see the dedication and hard work you've put in, as well as the resistance and anger you're facing.

I can tell you're feeling some strong emotions in your writing that need to be expressed. I also sense some deeply hidden love in these emotions. Regarding the question you've raised, I think we can sort it out first. I'll also share some of my own thoughts in the hope of providing you with some different perspectives.

Let's start by taking a look at what we've been through.

Let's start by taking a look at what we've been through.

It's clear that many of the things our mother has given us have made us feel belittled and rejected. We have a strong desire to escape from this pain.

It's clear that the phrase "hate to kill" reflects a state of mind characterised by extreme resistance. The questioner then went on to express a desire to "kill the influence and interference of her", which seems to be a response to the previous explanation. However, even in this explanation, we can still clearly see the love that is hidden deep within.

From the list that follows, it seems that we've been controlling our lives all along, especially when it comes to turning points. It's been said that there are no boundaries, and that nothing can be communicated.

But what did we decide to do at this turning point in our lives?

The original poster also mentioned feeling "despair but holding on," "dragging a tired body and mind," and "chaotic." It seems like we've already been through a lot, and it might be time to consider how to move forward.

What can we do about it?

First, I hope we can find some time to have a chat with ourselves. If possible, I think it would be best to give ourselves a private space and a safe environment to see how we perceive ourselves and our experiences.

Over the years, our experiences and efforts must have had an effect. We should have a serious chat with ourselves about how the current situation came about.

When did this all start? What have we done to try to make things better?

What direction do we want to take things in? Who do we want to change in our efforts?

Are we feeling disappointed because we didn't meet our own expectations, or because our mother is putting us down?

Next, we'll look at what we can do to achieve the goal of stepping out and making it easier on ourselves.

1. Remove all the negative labels that people around us and we ourselves have given ourselves.

From what you've said, it seems like mothers and ourselves have always, intentionally or unintentionally, given us a lot of negative labels through words or actions during our growth process. In these actions and words that constantly attack us, there is always the negation and belittlement that we see, as if it is the only way for her to gain something through our efforts.

If we're constantly being attacked like this, it's easy to let ourselves be defined by these negative views and give up on trying to improve. So maybe we need to take the initiative and start removing these negative labels.

2. Accept and understand their actions.

I truly believe that every parent loves their child, but perhaps they've never learned how to show it. They make mistakes, they ignore our feelings and needs, and they make us feel like we have to rebel.

It's normal to feel cold and even hateful towards our parents' attitude. We may not be able to convince them at all, nor change them so that they can understand us.

But the most important thing is to live for yourself and take responsibility for yourself. In fact, there's really nothing we can do to change anyone else. All change comes from a choice within ourselves.

Maybe the best thing we can do is look at our parents' words and actions in a different way. We can't take their indifference at face value and turn resistance into motivation. That'll help us feel better and get better results. It's not easy for us who've been in this situation for a long time, but adversity can be the best teacher.

3. Get your priorities straight, and life may become easier.

We've had to deal with a lot of pressure over the years that doesn't really belong to us. It's led to a lot of dissatisfaction. Maybe we just want to win face for ourselves, do our best to be the best, meet our mother's expectations, and long for our father's return so that we can receive some encouragement and praise.

We all want to feel valued, especially when it comes to the care and attention of our parents. It gives us a sense of security and dependence. But in reality, this isn't always the case. Parents often feel that we're not good enough, that we're inferior to others, and even transfer their own stress to us to distance themselves from it.

So, what can we do?

Make a point of focusing on your own strengths and achievements.

Make time for people who inspire confidence.

Keep a sense of pride.

Know your strengths and avoid your weaknesses.

Set yourself some achievable goals.

4. Get some professional help.

If you're facing some issues at home, you might want to think about speaking to a professional psychologist. They can help you work through things in a way that's more structured and effective.

P.S. 1psych will also regularly run public welfare counseling activities to help relieve inner emotions and release some pressure through counseling.

When it comes to problems with family, some people choose to complain, some choose to confront, and some choose to find a better way to get along. Here, you'll find plenty of enthusiastic little ones ready to support you through the tough times, as well as many professional listeners and counselors ready to offer guidance.

After going through this series of explorations, you may have found your own answers!

I hope these insights can help you get through this tough time.

I hope everything goes well and that you continue to improve.

I love you, and I think the world does too.

What if you hate your mother? You want to kill her and blame her for your death.

She treated me badly, always rejecting me and hurting my self-esteem. She demanded things from everyone and was disrespectful. I was desperate but kept going, especially with my tired soul!

Hello!

You hate and are helpless and frustrated with your mother. You want to kill the influence she has on you.

How much hatred must you feel to want to "kill her"? I think you've tried everything and are desperate about your mother.

You have conflicting emotions towards your mother. You want to stop her from influencing you.

You don't want your mother to die, but you want her to control you less. She should still care for you.

Your mother's communication style is intolerable to you. Explore your mother's past. What environment made her the way she is?

Do we think differently about our mothers when we understand their upbringing?

Can we see our mother's expectations and needs in her finger-pointing and lack of boundaries?