Why do I feel responsible whenever my mother sighs?

Hello! From what you've told me, it's clear that you're very aware of and sensitive to your mother's emotions. It's understandable that you worry that your mother's unhappiness is caused by you.

When you were young, your mother would say that it was your fault whenever she was unhappy. Over time, you may have internalized this harsh criticism and feel that you really are not good enough, not obedient enough, and unable to make your mother happy. It's totally understandable! We all internalize things when we're young. So now when you see your mother get emotional, this internalized understanding will make you fall into self-doubt.

To break out of this state, first we need to understand the meaning of boundaries and the separation of issues. It's totally normal to feel emotionally entangled with your parents when you're young. After all, they're your family! But as you grow up, you'll find that your parents' emotions and responsibilities are different from yours. This can make it tricky to know where your own responsibilities end and your parents' begin.

It's so common to take on our parents' issues as our own in order to gain their approval. And it's even more fundamental than that: we use our parents' evaluation as a measure of our self-worth, without achieving true psychological independence.

It's totally normal to have doubts about your mom's emotions. We all do! It's only natural to worry that we'll disappoint, sadden, or anger her. But here's the thing: growing up as an independent person doesn't require constant approval from our parents.

Parents are the ones who need to take care of their own emotions, just as you are the ones who need to take care of your own emotions.

I really think that understanding the meaning of the topic of separation will help you to focus more on your own needs. It's so important to take care of your inner feelings and embrace a more independent self, little by little.

I'm rooting for you!

Good question.

I'm Kelly Shui, a heart detective.

A sigh from your mother makes you think. Is this something you need to work through as you grow up?

Do you want to reconcile with this sigh in the new year? Or are you continuing because you're upset by your mother's sigh?

Confusion is often the first step towards growth.

My mother sighs every time she's upset, and I feel like I've made her unhappy. What can I do to change this?

Is there something going on with her that's causing her to sigh like that?

Instead of worrying about your mother being unhappy, why not reach out to her and talk to her about it?

1: What secrets are hidden in mom's sighs?

We all have secrets in our lives. These can be about our family of origin, our relationship with our spouse, or our expectations of our children.

Why not find an opportunity to talk to your mother about her life plan, her dreams, and go for a walk with her after dinner, and chat about her innermost feelings?

2: Could it be a habit of hers?

Maybe this was just something her mom did, like how some people are used to frowning and it just kind of became a habit.

3: How's the relationship between mom and dad?

Do your parents have different roles in the family? Does your father provide the income?

Did your mother take responsibility for raising you?

Or was it that she wasn't taken care of by her husband? (I'm just speculating, so I'm sorry if I've offended you.)

The couple relationship is the core of the family, so it's worth considering whether mom's sighs have something to do with dad.

4: When I was a kid, whenever my mom was upset, she'd say, "Look, you've made your mom angry again. It's my fault if she's upset."

I didn't see you mention your father. Did he play a role in your upbringing?

Your mother might say this without realizing it, thinking you're still young and it'll go away if she keeps saying it.

But your mother never imagined that you loved and cared for her so much, and that this sentence was the reason for her sighs all along?

Is that something you don't want to forget about your mother? When we were young, our parents were our world, and we thought that their every word and action had nothing to do with us.

But one day, as we grow up, we'll realize that everyone will become independent, and you'll leave home to study, work, and have your own partner. We still need to maintain our relationship with ourselves, though.

For instance, you could ask yourself what your goals are.

What kind of person do you see yourself becoming in the future?

If you have a family, what kind of atmosphere do you hope to create?

What are your thoughts on the current family atmosphere?

You can also write about the good things about your mother and tell her that you appreciate her efforts on your behalf and thank her for raising you.

Love can be expressed in many ways.

This way, your mother will also feel like she's being seen, understood, loved, and cared about, and she'll be really happy.

5: Learn to communicate your thoughts and feelings.

Most of us know how to be good friends to other people.

You can also become good friends with your parents. Be trustworthy and loyal to them.

When your mother is having a tough time, be there for her with a kind word and an encouraging gesture.

Let your mother know that you've grown up and that you're there for her.

When your mother is doing well, it's a good idea to send her your best wishes, and you can also share your daily joys with her.

And your ups and downs.

[Relationship with yourself]

It's great that we care about our mothers. It shows that we're sensible and empathetic, but we shouldn't overdo it.

As we said earlier, everyone has their own way of growing.

1: Let's discuss why it's crucial to manage our relationship with ourselves.

The most important relationship we have is with ourselves.

After all, no one can be with us all our lives except for ourselves. Everyone else is just a brief interlude in our lives.

(Most people follow this rule.)

As we grow up, we'll realize that our friends will have other commitments and that we'll sometimes fall out with them or drift apart. Later on, our friends and classmates will start families, and our contact with them will become less frequent.

Maybe you've moved to a new city, gone to study in an unfamiliar country, and haven't yet made new friends there.

It's important that we can rely on ourselves and meet our own emotional needs.

2: You can care about your mother's life, but you can also let her sigh.

If we expect our mothers not to sigh, it can become a burden for us to bear.

Does it make you feel disappointed or frustrated with yourself or with your mother?

We can take a moment to ask ourselves how we're really feeling, or we can try writing it down.

But if we learn to pay attention to our thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations, we can trust ourselves, give ourselves some understanding and comfort, and also trust what our mothers say—that's their business.

You can talk to your mother about your life. For instance, what are your goals for the new year?

How would you like to support yourself when you face new challenges this year?

As we start taking responsibility for ourselves, our mothers will be proud of us because they'll see how much we've grown.

3: Take some time to get to know yourself better.

How well do we really know ourselves?

We tend to focus on others every day, or we're so caught up in our studies that we don't take a break. In the midst of our busy lives, it's easy to lose sight of what matters most to us and what we enjoy doing.

Knowing yourself is key to being a good friend to yourself.

So why not try making a plan?

1: Try to set aside a few minutes each day to write down your interests, hobbies, short-term goals, and values (or answer these questions).

2: Try to chat with your mom for 20 minutes a day. After dinner, catch up or help your mom with the dishes.

3: Sometimes, your mom might say something that doesn't match what she means. If you're not sure what she's trying to say, it's probably best to ask her directly.

If you're willing to communicate with your mother honestly, you'll also be able to communicate your thoughts honestly with others at school and in society in the future.

This way, people will be more open to sharing their thoughts with you.

There's a book called "Listening Skills" that you might find helpful.

Happy New Year!

The questioner expressed gratitude for the present and indicated appreciation for the opportunity to connect.

From your written account, I can discern a sense of heaviness and a lack of clarity regarding the appropriate response when your mother is in a bad mood.

It is important to note that regardless of whether your mother's emotions are related to you, they are essentially her own issue. It is not your responsibility to carry your mother's emotions or to feel sorry for her.

First and foremost, her emotional state may be influenced by a number of factors, including her demanding schedule, her relationship with your father, the pressure she faces from the family, and her concerns about the future. It is possible that you have assumed the role of an emotional outlet for her.

She is unable to identify the root cause of her emotions, leading her to direct them towards you, a young and powerless child, and to hold you responsible. However, the reality is that she is ultimately responsible for her own actions.

Secondly, it is not possible to ascertain whether the words spoken by your mother are positive or negative. It is possible that in the past, your mother often said the opposite of what she meant or said what she meant in a negative way, which has resulted in you being unable to discern the difference.

As a result, it is no longer possible to discern her meaning. Regardless of whether she is being sarcastic or not, it is important to remember that your mother's emotions are her own and do not affect you.

It is important to recognize that your mother needs to be the one to identify and address her emotions. You are not responsible for her emotions; that is her responsibility.

It is important to maintain your own comfort and emotional stability. Avoid falling into your mother's emotional state and conserve your energy. You can assist your mother by providing distractions, encouraging exercise, keeping her engaged in activities, or helping her learn to manage her emotions.

I hope this information is helpful to you. I wish you the best.

Firstly, I would like to extend my sympathies to the original poster.

The emotional state of the subject is evident in their discourse. On the one hand, they evince a profound love and concern for their mother, a desire to see her happiness and a sense of responsibility for her distress. On the other hand, they exhibit uncertainty about the source of their mother's distress and experience feelings of guilt, anger, and a sense of injustice.

I am curious to know the age of the original poster at the present time.

I will begin by presenting my own thoughts on the matter.

First and foremost, the experiences you had as a child resulted in profound levels of unhappiness.

"When I was a child, my mother would frequently express her displeasure by stating, 'You have once again caused your mother anger. Nevertheless, it is I who provokes your anger.'"

It appears that during your childhood, your mother would attribute her unhappiness to your actions, suggesting that your behavior was the cause of her distress. Over time, you began to associate your mother's negative emotions with your own shortcomings, leading you to question whether you had done something wrong when she was unhappy.

Secondly, you permitted yourself to become overwhelmed and assumed the role of a scapegoat for your mother's emotions.

In psychology, the ABC theory posits that an activating event (A), a person's belief or point of view (B), and the resulting emotion (C) are interrelated. Events and perspectives vary, leading to a range of emotional responses.

In other words, the same opinion may result in the same outcome when encountered by different events; conversely, the same event may yield disparate results due to varying opinions. In other words, as long as any one of A or B is altered, C is likely to undergo a corresponding change. The reason why C does not change may not be because A has changed, but because B has never changed.

The preceding statement is somewhat complex; therefore, an attempt will be made to elucidate it by extrapolating from the aforementioned description.

When the subject was a child, the following scenarios may have been observed: A) the subject did not perform well on an examination, B) the subject's performance was below expectations, and C) the subject's mother expressed regret, "Oh, why is my daughter so disappointing?"

Upon reaching adulthood, the following scenarios emerge: A. The Spring Festival arrives, and while your daughter is back, your son is not. B. Your daughter has become independent and capable, a development that is both gratifying and encouraging. However, your son remains immature and does not even come back to see you during the Spring Festival.

As can be seen, the information presented here is largely derived from your initial description. However, I have incorporated a significant amount of additional detail. Does this new information align with the findings of your initial account? Regardless of whether you were a child or an adult, it appears that your mother was consistently unhappy. However, your own unhappiness as an adult is not a direct result of your actions.

Indeed, to a certain extent, you do bear a significant portion of the responsibility. You have effectively positioned yourself as the scapegoat for your mother's emotional state, and it appears that your perceived unhappiness is largely attributed to your own actions. However, an alternative perspective suggests that this assumption is not entirely accurate.

The emotions expressed by your mother are not a reflection of her feelings towards you, and the statement in question was likely not intended as sarcasm.

Moreover, it is unclear why the subject believes that the mother's statements are contradictory. It is also unclear why the subject believes that the mother's sighs indicate fault.

The lack of available information precludes the ability to ascertain the precise cause.

It may be beneficial to consider whether negative emotions from other individuals, such as interactions with colleagues or authoritative figures, contribute to your self-doubt.

The question thus arises as to whether the issue pertains to a lack of confidence in oneself, or whether it is the case that one is overly sensitive and concerned about the emotions of others. Alternatively, it may be that the desire to please others provides a sense of security, despite the presence of contradictory elements.

The preceding statements are merely personal conjecture, and there is no further evidence to substantiate them. Nevertheless, it is my hope that these remarks will prompt you to consider whether you are capable of liberating yourself from your current circumstances and leading a fulfilling life.

It is important to recognize that you have consistently demonstrated excellence.

Hello, dear questioner. I can sense that your mother's "it's all because of you" comments may have had a significant psychological impact on you since childhood. She may make you feel that her unhappiness is because you haven't done enough, which could potentially place a great deal of pressure on you.

You love her very much and want to do your best to make her happy. Despite your best efforts, however, you find that you are unable to stop your mother from sighing, which can make you feel somewhat powerless and helpless. Hugs, dear child.

Let's work through these feelings together.

It is important to remember that you and your mother are two independent individuals, and that you are not responsible for your mother's emotions.

Although you love your mother very much and she loves you too, you are two independent individuals. You have your own path in life, and she has hers. It's important to remember that you are not responsible for each other's emotions. Perhaps since you were little, your mother's words "it's all because of you" have made you feel like you need to live up to her expectations, hoping that through your own efforts she will be satisfied and happy. But as two independent individuals, we are powerless and do not need to be responsible for other people's emotions.

It would be beneficial to consider protecting your own boundaries and allowing your mother's emotions to have minimal impact on you.

As independent individuals, it is important to learn how to protect our own boundaries and not let our mothers' emotions affect us. While there may be many things in our mothers' lives that they don't like or can't control, it is ultimately up to them to deal with and face those issues. If there is someone who needs to be responsible for their unhappiness, it may be helpful to consider that it could be themselves, rather than you.

If I might suggest one final thing, it would be to strive to become yourself.

If you were once weak and unable to resist the emotions your mother imposed on you, but now you have grown up and are able to take responsibility for your future and be yourself, it is important to treat yourself as an independent individual. It is also important to put your feelings and needs first and to defend your independent sovereignty by saying no to everything you feel is unreasonable or dislike.

When you learn to see yourself as an independent individual, you may find that the way other people treat you will change accordingly.

I hope the above is helpful. Best regards,

Hello there!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can really feel how you're struggling with so many conflicting feelings inside.

I know it can be really tough when you feel like your mom's sighs are your fault. I'm here to offer three pieces of advice that I hope will help you feel a little better.

First, I suggest you try to understand yourself and accept your situation. I know it can be tough, but I'm here to help!

I know it might sound a little strange, but I really think that if you do this, it'll make your heart feel a little bit lighter. And that'll help you to think about what you need to do next.

It's totally understandable that you feel this way. I can see how your mother's sighs can make you feel like you've made her unhappy, even if she says it's not because of you. It's natural to feel this way when you're young. Children are naturally loyal to their parents, especially their mothers, and they pay particular attention to their parents' opinions of them. They long for their parents' affirmation and recognition, so they pay extra attention to their parents' every move. They are prone to taking the blame when their parents are unhappy. What's more, when you were little, your mother would say that you made her angry when she was unhappy, which easily led to the thought pattern that "if my mother is unhappy, it's my fault." I know it can be tough, but you have to try to understand yourself and accept your state of mind. Otherwise, your mind will always be filled with all kinds of negative emotions.

I really believe that allowing yourself to try to understand yourself and accept your situation will make it possible to promote change in the status quo. I know it might sound a little contradictory, but that's how it works! Change is based on allowing for no change.

Secondly, I'd like to suggest that you take a step back and view your own state in a more rational way.

Because when you think things through, you'll understand yourself and reality better.

I know it can be tough, but I'm here to help! To rationalize, you just need to do two simple things:

It's so important to remember that you're not the same person you were as a child.

When you were little, you knew better than to upset your mother. Now you've grown up, and although you can't make her happy 100% of the time, you're sensible most of the time. You've grown up, and you understand human nature because you have knowledge and experience. Look at how much you've grown! You're so different from the little child you once were.

Also, if your mom can tell you that her sigh isn't directed at you, it's a good idea to accept yourself and realize that you're not responsible for her emotions.

Second, you'll see that you can change the situation because you have the power to do so.

When you take the initiative, something wonderful happens. Not only does your state of mind change, but so does the impact your mother has on you. And your mood? It'll be transformed too!

You've got this! See your own abilities and the power of time.

Third, I really think you should focus on yourself and think about what you can do to feel better.

For example, you can talk honestly with your mother, and it can really help to just let it all out. Once you start talking, you'll see that it's not so bad after all! And your mother might even say that it's not your fault, which will make you feel even better.

It's also a good idea to focus on your own strengths. We all have them, and you are no exception! You can talk to your mother about your strengths. This will help you feel better because you'll realize you have a lot of good qualities. You'll feel more confident and strong inside. You'll also realize you're not wrong.

You can also stop and gently remind yourself that it's Mom's responsibility to manage her own emotions, and that you're not responsible for her feelings. After you've repeated this to yourself a few times, you'll also understand the concept of "task separation," which will help you feel better. The most important thing is to know that you can take action to improve the situation.

I know it can be tough, but when you start to take action, all kinds of negative emotions in your heart will naturally be resolved slowly. Believe me, I've been there, and I know that sometimes the enemy of all kinds of negative emotions is action. You've got this!

I really hope my answer helps you! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on "Find a coach to interpret – online dialogue" at the bottom and I'll be happy to talk to you one-on-one.

Dear Sir/Madam, I hope my answer will be of some assistance to you.

It is accurate to conclude that during our formative years, we established a pattern of identification and became accustomed to it. When this pattern is suddenly disrupted, we may perceive it as unreal. While I am unaware of the specific circumstances that led to your mother's abrupt change in behavior, I believe it is important to recognize that her anger, both then and now, is not directed at you but rather stems from her inability to effectively manage her emotions. It is evident that she has made significant strides in emotional regulation and has come to understand that her emotions are not a result of external factors, including you. This understanding has enabled her to provide encouragement to you.

As both a mother and a daughter, I would like to share some of my experiences and thoughts for your reference.

It would be beneficial to gain an understanding of why your mother tends to blame you when she is experiencing negative emotions. By recognizing the influence of her upbringing on her current patterns,

In general, if we do not proactively seek to be aware, learn, and grow, we will tend to replicate our mothers' patterns when interacting with our own children. It would be beneficial to observe whether your grandmother frequently expressed anger towards your mother by stating, "It's all because of you that I'm angry."

You may also inquire of your mother whether her grandmother treated her in a similar manner when she was a child.

Furthermore, when you were a child, there may have been numerous demands on your mother's time and attention at home. She may not have been aware of effective ways to release her emotions, so she sought an opportunity to express her pent-up emotions. It's important to note that her actions were not intentional. When she observed certain behaviors in you, she did not intend to become angry. However, the trivial matters of life and various pressures had already overwhelmed her to the point where she felt unable to cope. She lacked the ability to control her emotions, which resulted in the incident you described.

It will become evident that you are not the cause. You are not the reason. In a sense, it is just a result. At that time, you actually assisted your mother in some way, allowing her to temporarily release some emotions.

2. It is important to recognize that your mother is responsible for her own emotions. You can also provide her with constructive ways to release and express her emotions, which can help her achieve inner harmony.

It is not our responsibility to manage our mother's emotions. She is the only person who can do that. It is clear that your mother is also growing up. She is aware that her actions when you were a child had a negative impact on you. However, there is nothing she can do to change what happened in the past. She is now emphasizing that you will not make her angry, and I believe that this is true.

We would also like to suggest some ways for mothers to express their emotions and help them regain a positive mood, rather than always sighing.

For instance, you can engage in conversation with your mother and listen to her concerns. It is not necessary for you to provide specific advice; simply being willing to listen attentively will suffice. This will help your mother feel relaxed and supported. You can also take her on a trip to see the scenery outside and allow her to breathe in the fresh air. You can also suggest that she write out her concerns so that they can be alleviated and released through writing. You can also accompany her in doing some exercise, such as aerobics, yoga, badminton, rope skipping, etc. Exercise can effectively improve our mood and help us restore a good mood.

The aforementioned suggestions are for informational purposes only. Best regards,