Why do others' suggestions always make me feel uncomfortable?

Life is all yours! Even if others are giving you advice, it might be an infringement of your rights and a sign of disrespect. You are perfectly capable of controlling your own standard of living, and that's something to be proud of!

Sometimes you may want to get help, but some advice from others may not be helpful or even make you feel too dependent on outside ideas, which can make you feel like you're not in control. This is the level you need to reconcile.

It's not always true that other people will make us feel uncomfortable. We can actually adjust our state of mind, which helps us notice changes in our emotions in the moment. If you feel like your life is boring, you'll probably want to chat with other people.

This is a much better way to spend your time than doing nothing or just constantly checking your phone. You can also love yourself and let yourself record your own strengths. We can all find some strengths in ourselves and let ourselves know what we really want to achieve.

If you ever feel like your counselor is trying to control you or give you too many specific suggestions, you can always speak up and explain that you'd prefer not to take on too much at once. It's perfectly okay to express your feelings and let yourself break free from the shackles of the moment. You can also talk to a friend you trust or a coach if you'd like.

ZQ?

Hello, question asker!

From what you've said, I get the impression that you see words as faces. From your description, I can tell that you spend a lot of time mindlessly playing with your phone every day. You've received some advice through psychological counseling, but you feel unhappy because you feel like you are being told what to do. You feel like you are making excuses and don't want to face it, and your parents won't support you when you are in trouble.

I'm not sure how old the questioner is, but I don't think you can play with your phone every day when you're a student. I'm also not sure if the questioner is working or has worked before. If you're unemployed and at home, you have more time to think, analyze problems, and choose the best solution.

The advice the counselor gave was very professional, but the questioner felt uncomfortable and unhappy because it was. It seemed like the questioner was looking for freedom, wanted to do what they wanted to do, didn't want to be told what to do, hadn't found what they wanted to do yet, was somewhat confident in their abilities, and clearly knew where their abilities lie. So, should we get out of these detours and get to the point?

Parents often ask you to face difficulties when you're not ready and don't provide much support. Sometimes, things don't come when we're ready. That's just how life goes. We have to learn to be comfortable with whatever comes our way. When difficulties arise, we just try to solve them. The arrival of difficulties precisely shows that we're capable of facing them. We're our own trump card. The greatest support is the strength in our hearts. If parents can't support us, we must believe in our own strength even more.

You're ready to make a change and are embracing counseling as a way to do so. The way you and your counselor interact is reminiscent of your relationship with your parents. You know they have your best interests at heart, but the guidance they're offering isn't quite what you're looking for. You're still figuring out what you truly want, and your struggles are a clear indication that you don't need advice right now.

You may be experiencing some difficulties at the moment and are looking for help from a counselor. Counseling is a process that requires interaction between the two parties, which is great because it means you can get the help you need! Generally speaking, the subtext of giving advice is that I am smarter and more knowledgeable than you in this area, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

If the counselor believes that the client is an expert in their own problems, they will generally refrain from giving advice during the session.

Perhaps the advice the counselor gave you was not something you couldn't do, but the act of him giving advice was inopportune. It's like some of the requests your parents made. You may not have been incapable of doing them, but they didn't understand your abilities and gave you requests that weren't suitable for you at the wrong time. Everyone has their own pace, and it's possible that the pace you have with the counselor needs to be adjusted. But don't worry! This is something you can easily work through.

Some teenagers choose to avoid failure by simply doing nothing, as if they were all naturally intelligent. They understand that they will inevitably face certain pain and pressure, even if they don't want to face it. But you have the power to choose your own path! You must also have your own good reasons for doing so during this period of time.

Listen to your inner voice! During this seemingly wasted time, you may fall behind in your studies, but you will also experience unexpected growth and gains!

I'm Xiaolan, and I love you! I'm sending you lots of love and wishes for an early exit from your confusion and the finding of a path that suits you.

Dear question asker,

I appreciate that you have sought out psychological counseling services on your own initiative. This shows that you want to find someone to listen to what you have to say and that you want to trust others and be trusted.

You mentioned that you would prefer not to spend the whole day on your phone, but it seems that you often end up doing so. This can lead to feelings of remorse and frustration.

I also believe that when you encounter failure, your parents' voices may not be the most encouraging, and their wording may not be as gentle as you would like.

I would gently suggest that the world is not going to blame you for it, so perhaps it would be helpful not to blame yourself.

You might find it helpful to read two books: "The Courage to Be Disliked" and "Eat Well," which you can find on WeChat reading. Spending time reading while holding your phone could potentially help relieve some of your self-blame and anxiety.

You might also consider finding other book lovers on Douban and Yi Xinli to share your reading impressions. There is plenty of inspiration out there.

It seems that the counselor's advice is to help you record your life and your feelings, though this is not compulsory homework.

I believe there is a distinction between spontaneous desire and being forced to complete a task.

You mentioned that talking to your counselor feels similar to talking to your parents. This could indicate that your parents may not have provided you with sufficient inspiration and support during your upbringing.

May I suggest that you try to feel more comfortable when facing the care of others, as this may help you to open your heart more?

You may find it helpful to believe in yourself. When you want to change, you can come up with many actions to change. For example, you might consider spending time exercising or spending time recharging.

When we examine complex issues in a straightforward manner, we may realize that we have the option to accept our present circumstances without self-blame. If we find ourselves dissatisfied with our current situation, we can take incremental steps to gradually alter our actions.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm a pretty modest and humble person, and I try to be consistent.

From what you've told me, I can see that you're feeling a bit helpless.

It can be really helpful to try to get out of your own head sometimes.

It's so easy to take advice from others, isn't it? And we're always ready to listen, but sometimes we're just not prepared. One of the main reasons for this is that we focus mainly on our own feelings. When others give their opinions, we always feel awkward. This awkward feeling makes us feel trapped, doubt ourselves in that moment, and then we're caught in a vicious circle.

It's so important to understand our own psychological state, what kind of self we need, and what kind of self we desire to become. When we feel ready, everything will change when we set out. The philosopher Aristotle said that change is the only constant, and I think that's so true! Balance is also dynamic, so it's good to hold a state of progress with twists and turns and a belief in it.

When we understand ourselves better, we can start to make sense of our actions. If we're truly honest with ourselves, we'll be more open to change, to hearing other people's views, and to becoming the best version of ourselves. The key here is to step outside your own head a bit and be more open to new ideas. It's also about having a more nuanced understanding of the opinions your parents and counselors have given you.

Let me show you how to view and change.

Parents have the best intentions when they set expectations for us. They're basing their judgments and requirements on their own experiences, which can sometimes be limited. It's totally understandable that you're not yet ready to take on the direction your parents have set for you. Progress often requires hard work, and it's okay to take your time. Being ready is a journey, and we can always strive to be better versions of ourselves.

All of us can benefit from a little motivation now and then. It's always a good idea to think for yourself and then put your ideas into practice. You know, the power of your inner desire is really quite important. Having a goal to guide you and action to give you a foundation is the best motivation of all. Just think simply, and you can live a good life if you are good to yourself. You will become your own pride.

We all have a tendency to believe that our own ideas are the best, and that others' suggestions are not as helpful as we think. But the truth is, it's all about our mindset. If we can accept ourselves and others, we'll be much better off. It's okay to listen to other people's opinions, and then make adjustments based on our own situation. With time, we'll get better and better!

Wishing you all the best!

Your description makes me think of a child who's overwhelmed and stuck in one place. They're trying to figure out which way to go, but they're repeating the same thing over and over. This makes them feel more lost and like the task at hand is meaningless. There are so many people who want to help you, but they can't see your real needs. Their help only makes you feel more pressure.

From what you've told me, it's clear that you have a very strong intuition about your emotions. Even though things may seem reasonable on the surface, you're sensitive to the fact that you're not being seen inside and that you still have unmet emotional and emotional needs.

It's so interesting how your counselor's advice made you think of how your parents treated you. It seems like you had similar experiences, where you felt pressured when you weren't ready and didn't get the support you needed. I think this is another example of your incredible intuition!

It's totally normal for negative emotions from childhood experiences to stick around into adulthood. They can pop up in similar situations, but you can work through them!

There's no right or wrong, good or bad about emotions. All emotions need to be accepted, seen, and cared for. From what you've described, it seems like you could use more emotional acceptance. You might like to find a friend or a therapist who can listen to you and express what you're thinking and feeling. In the process of expressing yourself, you might become clearer about yourself and be able to accept and accompany your various emotions.

Daniel Siegel once said something really interesting. He said that any emotion that is truly accompanied and seen for seven seconds will begin to transform. It's a fascinating process! It's all about truly allowing and accepting your emotions, giving yourself enough space, and after your emotions have been fully accompanied, you will find that you become clearer. And it will be possible to take the next step: to focus on how you can become better, and to focus on and accept those parts of yourself that others can accept.

You are born good, my dear friend. All the confusion and difficulties you face are there to guide you towards your light. Have faith that once you emerge from this fog, you will become better and better. Your intuition will allow you to have a more vivid and richer life experience than ordinary people in the future.

Good evening!

From your question, I can see that you really want to change and have sought help from a counselor, which is great! However, what the counselor said made you feel that the counselor was making demands, and this triggered your pattern of getting along with your parents.

In your interactions with your parents, they probably got used to giving direct orders and not giving you the right to choose.

So when the counselor suggests what you should do, you probably see the counselor as a mouthpiece for your parents, and instinctively want to rebel and argue against them.

I don't know if you ever protested against your parents' orders when you were with them. If not, it means that in your relationship with the counselor, you have projected some of your parents, some of your rebellious self, and some of your stern superego. For example, I can't rebel against my parents, but you can!

Although you may not act or speak out against it, the conflict within you is very strong and causes you to feel very uncomfortable. But you can overcome this!

Another possibility is that you subconsciously feel useless. But here's the good news! Many times, when we are poked in a sore spot, we subconsciously take protective action.

For example, when someone says you are a loser, many people's first reaction is that you are the loser, and your whole family is a loser. When the counselor gives you advice, you feel that the counselor has touched a sore spot, and you instinctively resist.

Of course, this doesn't mean you're really useless. It just means you have room to grow! You don't approve of yourself much, and you expect more approval from your parents.

And you're excited to gain the approval of the counselor!

Your situation can be seen as resistance in counseling, and it is recommended that you be honest with your counselor. This is your chance to make a breakthrough!

It is a great idea to be honest and talk to your counselor about your difficulties and thoughts!

I am a psychological counselor who is often both Buddhist and depressed, but I also love the world and I love you!

Hello, I'm Peilv.

First, let's give each other a hug.

It's hard for you to accept other people's advice.

You want to make changes, but you lack the motivation and confidence to do so.

—Data interpretation—

The guy who asked the question said he doesn't like his current situation. He's wasting time doing nothing all day. He wants to make some changes, but he's afraid of failure and responsibility. So he stops short, feels powerless over himself, and has a sense of decadence and self-abandonment. I understand your powerlessness and dissatisfaction with the status quo and your concerns.

When you're talking to the counselor, it can feel like you're facing your parents. You might feel like the counselor doesn't understand you or that their suggestions aren't acceptable. You might even feel more pressure and think that their suggestions are commands or demands. If you can't do what they ask, you might feel a deep sense of failure and self-doubt.

Let's take a moment to analyze the situation.

The way the original family was brought up

Question author's own description: Your parents always expect you to face difficulties when you're not ready, and they don't give you much support. It seems like your parents have high expectations of you but don't show much care or love. They didn't give you enough security when you needed help, leaving you to face difficulties alone. So, you feel a deep sense of loneliness inside, always feeling like you're "fighting a lone battle." But at the same time, this pressure has also made your inner "defense system" stronger, and rejecting external pressure sources can help you protect yourself.

Maybe what you need is not advice, but just some care, support, and recognition.

Here are some strategies for problem-solving:

When we're faced with difficulties, we usually have two options: we can either face the problem head-on or we can evade and withdraw. It's important to analyze which strategy is best for us on a case-by-case basis. We need to consider the current situation and our own ability level to make the best decision.

It's true that sometimes we just don't have the willpower we need. When we know we're facing difficulties that we can't cope with, we often feel weak and powerless. But having the understanding and support of family and friends can give us the strength and confidence we need to face difficulties or make changes.

Just a quick note with some personal advice:

Making changes starts with small steps.

If you're not a fan of playing with your phone, you might as well put it down for a while and find a new goal. Try to expand your hobbies, reading list, music collection, exercise routine, etc.

Take some time to discover yourself.

You say you think about a lot of things every day, which shows that you enjoy thinking. You can try recording your thoughts to help you understand your thought process better and to give you a way to release and express your emotions. Look for your strengths, build on them, and boost your confidence.

It might help to talk it through.

If you can learn to express your needs, communicate with your parents, and get emotional support from friends and family, it'll give you a big mental boost.

Just a quick note to say hi!

I just wanted to say that I love you, the world, and I appreciate you.

1. About not wanting to hear advice

It may be that you already had some understanding of the answers, and you may have even tried them unconsciously before consulting. That's why you feel some reluctance when the counselor asks you to do so, because deep down you feel that these methods may not be the most effective.

Perhaps you don't need other people to tell you what you should be doing. You might already know the answers within yourself.

Perhaps before seeking assistance, you have already determined that these tasks are beyond your capabilities.

Perhaps you feel that the counselor has not provided you with as much assistance as you had hoped. It's understandable to want someone to support you in taking action on things you're hesitant or reluctant to do.

It is important to remember that everyone in the world is independent and has to rely on themselves in everything.

It's important to remember that you don't need to put too much pressure on yourself. Just because you've tried once, twice, or even ten or twenty times, it doesn't mean you won't succeed.

This is a perfectly normal situation.

It is important to accept that your efforts may not be rewarded, just as it is important to realize that success often comes through hard work.

It is often the case that the process of working hard brings more joy and experience than the result itself.

2. About playing with your phone

The conflict between being depressed and not wanting to be depressed suggests that you are a person who is interested in making positive changes. It's beneficial to have these kinds of emotions, as they provide the motivation you need to avoid engaging in unproductive activities like playing with your phone.

When you reach your limit, you may wish to consider taking action to change the situation.

It's important to recognize that feeling this way is not a long-term solution. It's natural to want to lie down and play with your phone when you're feeling anxious, but it's not a sustainable coping mechanism.

I believe that, with time, you will eventually decide to put your phone down and do something else.

If it isn't an imposition, could I ask what you do with your phone every day?

You might also consider uninstalling those apps you use frequently but don't necessarily need.

It's possible that you might uninstall them for a while, but it's also possible that you might install them back. I truly believe that after a few iterations, your dependence on your phone will be greatly reduced.