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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Hello, questioner!
I am Yi Ming, a heart exploration coach.
Your question is a story of a girl's growth, and I am pleased to see her reflect, summarize, and grow.
This is how we understand ourselves, our experiences, and our patterns of behavior.
I would love to have a good chat with this girl and talk about my personal understanding.
1. Being a good girl is a way to please others.
We were taught that if we were good, we would not be abandoned.
This is undoubtedly shaped by the influence of the original family.
The overwhelming majority of behavioral norms for girls are based on obedience. This forces them to present an image of a "good girl" to others and themselves.
Of course, being a good girl has a price. She won't ask her parents for snacks, toys, or nice clothes. She dares not to rebel, is submissive, and never dares to show her true self.
This approach is also advantageous for the girl because it makes her feel safe and prevents her from being abandoned.
The good news is that the girl has grown up and can now re-evaluate the situation.
However, in 2019, rebelling against her brother brought back her memories.
In the end, I want to know if the girl stuck to her guns.
She needs to recognize her own patterns of behavior.
I strongly recommend the book Fly Like a Bird to Your Mountain to the girl.
We can all live our lives to the fullest if we want to change, even if we all grew up in very bad environments.
Everyone has fears, and this girl is most afraid of being abandoned by her family.
So when the girl grows up, she will have the courage to face the abandonment again.
We are no longer the same people who could not protect our children back then. We have the strength to take care of ourselves, love ourselves, and live a good life in this world.
A girl with inner strength can break free from the shackles of the past. She is not afraid of abandonment; she believes in her own unique value.
Girls who are naughty are worthy of love and are adorable.
The real self is the easiest to connect with others.
Get rid of the image of the good girl. Do it a little bit at a time. Be the real you.
We must identify and sort out all the hidden negative emotions to see which thoughts or emotions limit us.
See your emotions, soothe them, and embrace your hurt self and your goody-two-shoes self. This will help you grow a brand new self.
"It turns out that understanding is more important than love."
This book is essential reading for girls.
We all experience confusion and sadness. But we also see the real us and come to believe that love is real.
Love is not something to question. It is a reality in genuine relationships between genuine people.
It's normal to have negative emotions.
When we face our negative emotions and accept them, our positive, active, sunny sides nourish us, and we become our true, happy selves.
You will only feel connected and unquestionably loved when you are authentic.
Dear girl, explore slowly.
Find your own happiness.
No one can abandon us except ourselves.
The world and I love you!
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Comments
Why is love doubted in this story? It seems like the protagonist's perception of love has been shaped by a deepseated fear of abandonment, leading her to question the authenticity of others' feelings towards her. The girl's childhood was marked by an overwhelming anxiety that she would be left alone if she wasn't perfect.
Growing up under such pressure, she molded herself into what others expected a model child who never questioned authority and kept her true self hidden. This facade led to isolation and bullying at school, as her submissive nature made her an easy target. Yet, none of this was known to her family, which only deepened her sense of loneliness and despair.
She refrained from asking for anything beyond basic needs, believing that being content with little would prevent her from being cast aside. Her attempts to break free from this cycle by rejecting unreasonable requests were met with rejection from her brother, triggering old fears and insecurities.
It's possible that her brother unknowingly exploited these vulnerabilities, using words that could have been harmless but cut deeply due to her past experiences. The idea that suppressing negative emotions might make them vanish reflects a painful attempt to protect oneself from further hurt, but it also shows how damaging it can be to ignore one's emotional needs.
The title "Love is in doubt" resonates because it encapsulates not just the doubts about love itself, but also the internal struggle with selfworth and the fear of losing those connections we cherish most. It's a poignant reminder of how early experiences shape our views on relationships and love.