Why does my mom always like to compare me? It's so strange, why is that?

Dear friend, I can see that you are confused and disbelieving about your mother's words and deeds. I empathise with you. When exploring the complex emotions you have with your mother, the first thing we need to do is to try to uncover the psychological veil behind it with an understanding and tolerant heart.

I will accompany you on this journey of self-healing and rebuilding your relationship with your family as a listener and guide.

Understand your mother's psychology of comparison.

It is crucial to recognize that there are deep psychological motives and influences from the growth environment behind everyone's behavior. Your mother may not have intended to hurt you, but her own values, emotional needs, and past experiences have shaped the way she communicates with you.

1. Projecting self-worth: Parents sometimes project their unfulfilled dreams or self-worth onto their children, hoping to make up for their own regrets through their children's achievements. This expectation must be handled properly to prevent it from turning into unconscious comparisons and competition, especially in terms of external conditions such as appearance and figure.

2. Sociocultural influences: In some sociocultural contexts, women are given specific aesthetic standards and role definitions. These ideas undoubtedly influenced your mother unconsciously, causing her to unconsciously measure you and herself against these standards.

Some parents are bad at showing love and support. They try to motivate their kids with criticism and comparison, which is counterproductive. Kids end up feeling unappreciated and unaccepted.

2. Self-acceptance and boundary-setting

You must accept yourself first and foremost. It is crucial to understand that your value does not depend on the evaluation of others, especially the unconscious harm from loved ones. To enhance your sense of self-identity and establish personal boundaries, you can try the following methods:

1. Self-affirmation exercises: Take a few minutes every day to list your strengths and achievements, no matter how small. This will help you build a positive self-image and become less dependent on the opinions of others.

2. Emotion management: Learn to recognize and manage your emotions. When your mother's words or actions touch a sensitive spot, take control by calming down with deep breaths, meditation, or other relaxing activities.

You should also talk to a trusted friend or professional for emotional support.

3. Set boundaries. When communicating with your mother, clearly express your feelings and needs. Tell her what topics you are not willing to discuss and how you would like her to support you.

Healthy communication patterns reduce unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings.

3. Improve communication and understanding.

Communication is the key to improving family relationships. You can change someone's habits and behavior through sincere dialogue and joint efforts. Your relationship will improve.

1. Find common ground. Apart from sensitive topics, share something you both find interesting. This will help you get to know each other better and feel closer.

2. Listen and respond. Be patient and attentive when communicating, and listen carefully to your partner's thoughts and feelings. At the same time, give her positive feedback and responses to show her your respect and understanding.

3. Seek external help. If you've tried everything and your relationship still isn't improving, it's time to get professional help. Family counseling or psychological counseling can provide the specific, personalized advice and support you need to make positive changes.

4. Let go and grow.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting or excusing all the harm. It means learning to let go of the past that cannot be changed and focusing on your own growth and future.

1. Accept your own limitations and those of your mother. We are all imperfect individuals with our own strengths and weaknesses.

Accepting this will make us more tolerant and inclusive towards each other.

2. Focus on personal growth. Turn your attention to your own growth and development. By learning new skills, developing hobbies, and establishing healthy relationships, you can continuously improve your sense of worth and happiness.

3. Find the meaning of life. Think about and clarify the goals and meaning of your life. This will help you to more firmly walk your own path and not be swayed by external interference.

Dear friend, Improving family relationships is a long and complex process. But I am certain that with your efforts and perseverance, your relationship will gradually become harmonious and intimate.

In the process, you will learn how to get along with your mother and become a more independent, confident, and powerful person.

Dear questioner, My name is Duoduo Lian, and I hope my reply can be of help to you.

Every child wants their mother's approval. I feel uncomfortable when I see my mother comparing me with others. This is not the way a mother should act. I hope to be seen by my mother. You feel the frustration of comparison. Will you feel approved by your mother? This feeling is too difficult to bear.

We all want what we don't have. It's human nature. Your mother's behavior in front of you is also an attempt to prove herself. But what is behind this need to prove? You only need to prove something if you don't have it. Do you agree that you need to be seen by others?

I don't know how your parents' relationship is going. Your mother doesn't have the support of her partner, and she sees how lacking that is. Not being in your mother's position, how can the child be happy behind a mother who is absent? I'm sure you've had a hard time over the years, having to face many problems on your own. It's too hard.

Everyone needs a mentor in life, a warm haven to turn to when they encounter setbacks. But you compare, suppress, and you bravely ask for help. Well done.

The more you lack, the more you show off. You want to be perfect, and you don't accept your own shortcomings. Is this really the way to be happy? Living in a mask all the time, you dare not show your true self. I wonder how your mother has been getting through these days.

Life is about experiencing, not comparing. If you want to win, you need love and support in the family. It's not easy out there, and you're always fighting with your loved ones, trying to prove who's right and who's wrong. Every child is loyal to their parents, which causes constant conflicts.

It's time to move on from the family dynamic. This is how your mom sees the world, and it has nothing to do with you. Your resentment is also your inner unease, and your desire to prove yourself better than her. You don't need to prove anything. Everyone has advantages and disadvantages. There are only ever characteristics, and everyone is unique and deserves respect.

Have a chat with your mother about how you're feeling and what you need. She'll be there for you. Love yourself and break free from the negativity and control of others.

Wishing you the best!

Hello. I give you a 360-degree hug.

Behind the short description of the problem is your confusion, anger, and helplessness. There may be many reasons for your mother's behavior from a psychological perspective, but your mother is not the party to whom you are asking questions. Direct analysis is also suspected of being rude.

It is important to understand the motives and root causes behind the words and actions of others. Without this understanding, there is simply no reason for them. From a psychological perspective, the factors behind a person's words and actions often involve the physical, psychological, and social, which are more or less related. There are rarely single factors.

But more importantly, it is our own reaction to the words and deeds of others. We must understand the motives of others to better understand their actions. We can move from misunderstanding to understanding, and even empathy, by understanding their motives.

Your mother's words and actions may seem misogynistic and eager for independence. This is likely related to her upbringing and experiences. Understanding her motives will help you understand your mother better.

But you may still find it difficult to identify with her words and deeds. Many people understand that their parents were used to being thrifty when they were young. However, they cannot accept their parents' excessive thriftiness in the present because it affects their quality of life.

This is about understanding and identifying with your parents, but not living your life the same way they do.

It doesn't matter what your mother says or does, or why she does it. The feelings it causes in you will be the same. Understanding her motivation will make your negative feelings less intense. However, you may feel more powerless because she won't change.

If you don't understand her motives, you'll be a little more angry. You need to deal with these negative emotions.

You need to focus on how you interact with your mother, a mother you cannot change, to maintain the relationship and improve your own well-being. I will share my views.

First, accept that your mother is unlikely to change. It's simply your lot in life.

You are destined to have a mother who hits you like this. It is just like the birthmark on your arm. It cannot be changed. You must accept it.

Second, don't let your mother's opinions affect you. She can say what she likes, and you can ignore her.

She has her own aesthetic sense, and you have yours. You may not agree with her aesthetic sense, and you don't want her to accept your aesthetic sense either.

Everyone must maintain their own aesthetic without interfering with each other. You are the child, and your mother has more authority in front of you.

Listen to her, but don't argue. Then get on with your life.

If you ignore her, she'll soon realize she can't influence you.

Third, if you can, put some distance between you and your mother, especially psychologically. If that's really hard, then think of her as a neighbor. We don't like neighbors in general, but for a little while.

You should also speak to a counselor.

I am a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes positive. The world and I love you.

Dear Questioner, I extend my gratitude to you for your trust and candor, as well as for your willingness to share your experiences and emotions.

I empathize with your experience of facing comparisons and competition with your mother. This kind of comparison is often inexplicable and can evoke feelings of discomfort and confusion. It can create an invisible wall between you and your mother, complicating the parent-child relationship, which ideally should be characterized by warmth and support.

First and foremost, it is imperative to acknowledge the legitimacy of your emotional state and the necessity of addressing it. Regardless of the underlying cause of your mother's comparisons, it is evident that they have resulted in significant distress and discomfort.

This sentiment is not uncommon. Many individuals experience analogous emotional entanglements when interacting with their loved ones. It is important to note that these experiences are not isolated, as many people are also grappling with similar challenges.

It is reasonable to posit that when the subject went shopping for underwear with her mother, she experienced a complex emotional response to her mother's questioning of her physical appearance. It is possible that she felt embarrassed, helpless, and even began to doubt her own value and attractiveness in that moment.

Similarly, when you confided in your mother about being bullied by boys, but received a denial of your attractiveness, it was undoubtedly another emotional setback. You may have felt misunderstood and neglected at that moment, and even began to doubt whether your mother really cared about you.

The aforementioned experiences have resulted in feelings of distress and confusion. It is not uncommon for individuals in such circumstances to question the necessity of their mother's comparisons.

One might inquire as to why the mother is unable to perceive the positive attributes and endeavors of the child. Additionally, it is perplexing why the mother consistently evaluates the child based on her own standards.

Such doubts engender a state of emotional conflict and struggle.

I empathize with your situation, as I have also endured comparable emotional predicaments. I have also been subjected to comparisons and rejection by those I hold dear, and the anguish and helplessness I endured then remain indelibly etched in my memory.

I am able to empathize with the pain and confusion you are experiencing.

It is important to note that there are numerous individuals worldwide who are confronted with comparable challenges.

It is a common experience to be misunderstood, ignored, or rejected. However, these experiences do not define one's value or existence.

Each individual possesses unique and valuable qualities that should not be influenced by external comparisons or rejections.

At the same time, I empathize with your mother. It is possible that she is also grappling with internal struggles and distress.

Additionally, she may be attempting to ascertain her own value and position in the world, inadvertently infusing her relationship with you with this internal conflict. It is possible that she does not intend to cause you harm; rather, she may simply be uncertain about how to interact with you in a more constructive manner.

In such complex emotional relationships, it is advisable to communicate openly with the relevant individual. It is important to convey one's feelings and to make the other person aware of the distress caused by comparisons and negative comments.

It is recommended that you express your feelings using "I" statements to avoid accusations and attacks. For example: "Mum, when I hear you comparing our figures, I feel uncomfortable and confused."

"It is my hope that we can provide each other with greater support and encouragement."

Concurrently, it is imperative to cultivate the ability to safeguard one's emotional well-being and self-worth. It is crucial to refrain from allowing one's mother's comparisons and negativity to serve as the defining factors in one's life and happiness.

It is important to develop an appreciation for one's own uniqueness and value, and to maintain a sense of confidence and self-esteem that is not influenced by external comparisons.

In conclusion, it is important to note that regardless of how your mother may compare you to others and deny your worth, you possess intrinsic value, attractiveness, and capabilities. Your value is not contingent upon external comparisons and denials, but is instead defined by your own self-perception and actions.

It is therefore imperative to cultivate self-belief, adhere to one's own values and aspirations, and resist the influence of external comparisons and denials that might undermine one's confidence and determination. It is essential to recognise that every individual deserves to be loved, respected and affirmed.

The preceding section examined the emotional dimensions of the issue at hand. The following section will adopt a rational perspective. With regard to the comparison and competition between you and your mother, we can undertake a comprehensive analysis from multiple perspectives to gain insight into the underlying reasons, effects, and coping strategies associated with this complex phenomenon.

1. Psychological Motivation for Comparison and Competition

First, it is necessary to examine the underlying psychological motives that drive mothers to engage in unconscious comparisons with their children.

The mother may have experienced similar comparisons during her own upbringing, which she may have internalized as her own values and unconsciously applied to her relationship with the child. Through comparison, she may be attempting to affirm her own value and status.

Control and security: Comparison and control may serve as a means for the mother to maintain a sense of security. She may perceive that if she can "outperform" you in certain ways, she can more effectively regulate the relationship between you, thereby enhancing her psychological security.

In some social and cultural contexts, mothers may feel the need to maintain a sense of superiority over their daughters in order to adhere to traditional family roles.

As they age, mothers may experience feelings of jealousy and envy regarding their daughters' youth, vitality, and attractiveness. This emotional state may subsequently manifest as criticism and comparisons.

2. The Impact of Comparison and Competition

The mother's comparisons and competition with her child have a significant impact on both parties.

A further consequence of the mother's comparisons is that they may distort the child's perception of themselves, leading to feelings of doubt about their own value and attractiveness.

Emotional detachment may result from this sense of comparison and competition. One may feel that it is preferable to remain silent than to share one's achievements and happiness.

Mental health issues may result from prolonged comparison and rejection by a mother. Such experiences can lead to anxiety, depression, and other psychological disorders.

3. Coping Strategies and Suggestions

In light of the aforementioned complexities, the following coping strategies and suggestions are offered for consideration:

Effective communication is the primary means of resolving these issues.

It is recommended that you attempt to communicate with your mother in an honest manner, expressing your feelings and thoughts directly. Utilize "I" statements to convey your emotions, and refrain from making accusations or launching attacks.

For example, one might say, "Mother, I feel uneasy and perplexed when I hear you comparing our figures. I hope we can provide each other with more support and encouragement."

"

It is essential to establish clear boundaries.

It is essential to define your boundaries and expectations. It is also important to communicate to your mother that you do not wish to be compared to her in certain areas and that you expect her to respect your feelings and choices.

It is essential to cultivate self-awareness.

It is important to work on enhancing one's self-awareness and identifying one's own values and strengths. It is crucial to avoid allowing one's mother's comparisons to define one's self-perception.

One may gain a deeper understanding of oneself by engaging in introspective reflection and soliciting feedback from others.

It is essential to cultivate self-confidence and independence.

It is essential to concentrate on the development of one's own self-assurance and autonomy. It is vital to cultivate an appreciation for one's distinctive qualities and intrinsic value, and to refrain from allowing external comparisons to undermine one's self-assurance and self-esteem.

One may enhance one's self-confidence through participation in social activities and the acquisition of new skills.

It is recommended that the individual seek external support.

Should communication with one's mother prove ineffective, it may be advisable to seek external support, such as that provided by a counselor or family therapist. These professionals are equipped to offer guidance and advice that can assist in navigating the complexities of this emotional relationship.

It is important to consider the emotional needs of one's mother.

It is important to attempt to comprehend the emotional necessities of one's mother. It is also possible that she is undergoing internal struggles and distress. One can demonstrate their comprehension and care for her by listening, providing care, and offering support.

This will facilitate the alleviation of tension between the parties involved and the promotion of enhanced communication and comprehension.

In conclusion,

In summary, the comparison and competition between you and your mother is a complex and subtle phenomenon. It encompasses deep psychological motivations, the impact on you, and coping strategies and suggestions.

Through honest communication, the establishment of boundaries, the enhancement of self-awareness, the cultivation of self-confidence and independence, and the pursuit of external support, it is possible to gradually improve one's relationship with one's mother and to reduce the occurrence of unnecessary feelings of comparison and competition. It is of the utmost importance to learn to protect one's emotions and self-worth, and to ensure that one's own sense of well-being and happiness is not defined by the opinions of others.

It is imperative to recognize that you are a valuable, attractive, and capable individual. Your worth is not contingent upon external comparisons and negations; it is intrinsic and defined by your own heart and actions.

I can tell you're angry and confused by your mother's words. Your mother's behavior is likely rooted in her own feelings of insecurity and anxiety about growing older.

She probably grew up in an environment that made her feel her worth was determined by how she measured up to others, so she unconsciously applies this to her relationship with you.

She wants you to succeed, but she can't help but compare you to others. This conflicted mentality may not be malicious, but she needs to learn how to express her care and expectations for you properly.

In any case, her actions are unacceptable. You need to communicate your thoughts and feelings honestly with your mother.

If you have communicated with your mother, you have taken the first step towards resolving your issues. Even if she doesn't change immediately, you have expressed your dissatisfaction and confusion, letting her know what you are thinking. This lays the foundation for future communication and change.

If you haven't communicated with each other, start now. Choose a time when you're both calm and relaxed. Tell her your feelings in a calm tone of voice. Avoid accusations and complaints. Make it clear that you want her to understand and support you, not compare and disparage you.

Write a letter to your mother first. This will help you organize your thoughts and show her that you are taking her feelings seriously.

Mention your love and respect for her more often when communicating with your mother. This will show her that you want to be treated equally and kindly, not compete with her or confront her.

If direct communication is not effective, you can also enlist the help of other family members, such as your father, grandparents, etc., to mediate and help you and your mother improve your relationship.

Furthermore, you should show your mother more care and appreciation in your daily interactions. This will boost her self-confidence and reduce her tendency to compare herself with you to gain confidence.

You must also learn to adjust your mindset. When your mother says things that make you feel uncomfortable, do not let your emotions get the better of you. Breathe deeply and tell yourself in your heart, "What she said does not represent the real me."

Talk to your friends. Get support and comfort from them. Don't let your mother's words affect you.

You are an independent individual who deserves respect and love. Your value does not depend on your mother's evaluation. Don't let your mother's actions affect your perception of yourself and your self-confidence.

Hello! As a daughter, you deserve your mother's heartfelt affirmation, recognition, appreciation, and praise.

Allow and accept. When your mother didn't give you the response you expected and made you feel compared, rejected, and denied, you felt extremely aggrieved and angry inside.

Your mother cannot give you this part because she has an extreme inner desire to be affirmed, recognized, appreciated, and praised. She experienced a severe lack of this during her growth. She is unable to give you this part, not because she doesn't want to, but because she is unable to. She unconsciously imposes on you her expectation of being responded to and satisfied with this part of her lack and deficiency during her growth. She hopes that you can give it to her. This is why she also hopes that you are prettier than her but constantly beats you up and denies you because you are younger and prettier than her.

Your mother's ambivalent attitude is something you must face head-on. You must express your true feelings and needs bravely and sincerely so that she can realize the harm she is causing you by sending out such inconsistent signals.

As you can see, you have a relatively objective evaluation and understanding of yourself. However, you will not easily change your understanding and evaluation of yourself due to your mother's negativity, discouragement, or comparisons. You feel uncomfortable because you have expectations of your mother. You hope that she will sincerely affirm, accept, recognize, and appreciate you. You also hope that she will admit that you are better than she once was.

I'd like to know your thoughts on this.

This desire for mutual acceptance, recognition, affirmation, and appreciation of your own needs and expectations is an invisible competition between you and your mother. Neither of you can accept and face this part of yourself with an open heart. You may think that admitting and accepting this part of yourself will make you feel a certain sense of shame because competing with the person you love the most will make you both very uneasy. This is not true. You are not your mother. You are an individual with your own needs and expectations. What do you think?

You must sincerely accept and appreciate your own appearance from the bottom of your heart to sincerely accept and appreciate each other.

Read "The Bond of Motherly Love."

Hi, I'm Tongyan.

From what you've said, it seems like your mother likes to compare you in terms of appearance. It seems like she doesn't want you to be more attractive than her. It seems like your mother would prefer you to be an independent, highly educated, and successful woman.

You're confused and even puzzled as to why your mother is so concerned about your superior appearance.

It seems like your mother might be a bit worried. It might make you realize that you have a pretty good appearance, or that you might place too much emphasis on your appearance. Your thoughts or expressions about this might make your mother feel anxious or worried.

I'm curious about how your mother and father interacted. And how you and your father interact?

What's the vibe like in your family?

It seems that your mother was also quite pretty when she was young, and your mother is particularly worried because you are aware of your good looks. On the one hand, this may be related to her own experience growing up.

For instance, she might have had some bad experiences or other things happen to her because of her looks.

On the other hand, it could be that she's just a mother who's concerned about her daughter in the current social situation. As a mother of a daughter, especially a beautiful daughter, she may have even more concerns in her heart.

As a mother, she might be concerned that her daughter will develop an early love interest, that her daughter will become distracted from her studies if she focuses too much on her appearance, and that her daughter will attract more attention than she would like. And often, too much attention is not a good thing.

Of course, there might be other reasons. For instance, is your father closer to his daughter? Every mother, when her daughter grows up and becomes an adult, will realize that her youth is gone. She may have some age-related anxieties, like anxieties about her figure and her appearance.

It could be that she's anxious about being unloved and unworthy of love.

It could also mean that your mother has a stronger need for you, or that she's anxious about being separated from you. When a mother rejects her daughter, who has grown up and become an attractive woman, she may also be worried that her daughter will leave her and their family one day to start her own family. Her daughter's growth has activated the mother's inner separation anxiety.

You might want to talk to your parents and see if you can figure out what's behind your mother's behavior.

It might also be a good idea to suggest to your father that he give your mother more support and company, and that he accept and affirm her more. This could help to ease her anxiety.

Wishing you the best.

Dear, hello, I'm grateful that we can address this together, and I hope that my response will be of some help to you.

It is understandable that anyone would feel uncomfortable hearing these inexplicable things from their mother. It has undoubtedly been a challenging journey for you to persevere until now.

From your description, it seems that your mother may have a tendency to put you down. It's possible that she's afraid you'll surpass her, so she belittles you to maintain her authority.

[About the mother]

It might be worth considering whether this could be a reflection of some underlying psychological and cognitive issues in her own life.

1-It might be the case that she developed a strong sense of competition during her upbringing, to the extent that she unconsciously displays it in her relationship with you, seeking some kind of psychological advantage or satisfaction through comparison.

2-It may be the case that she has some lack of confidence in her appearance, figure, etc., and is belittling others to protect her fragile self-esteem. This other person is not just her daughter, but also everyone around her.

3-It seems there may be a situation where she may not fully understand how to express her care and expectations for her daughter in the best way, which could result in her daughter feeling negatively about it.

Nevertheless, regardless of the reason, whether it was unintentional or intentional, it is evident that this pattern of interaction has caused harm to her daughter.

[Regarding the daughter]

In the face of my mother's belittling, as a daughter, I allow myself to feel angry, confused, and uncomfortable. In order to understand my mother's confusing behavior, it may be helpful to examine the root of the problem. While it may seem that there is no answer, it is important to consider how we can best navigate such a situation.

It might be helpful to remember that your value does not depend solely on your mother's opinion. There are many aspects that contribute to your value, such as your character, abilities, and personality.

We can take the time to list our own strengths and achievements, and whenever we feel a bit inadequate, we can look back on these to remind ourselves of our value.

You have your own strengths and achievements, and your mother has hers. If your mother compares you again, perhaps you could gently tell her that you are really good at this, but that you are not worse than her.

It might also be said that you do have an advantage in this area, and it is understandable if you feel that I am weaker in comparison. I am not a perfect person either, and I always have my own shortcomings.

Perhaps I have strengths in other areas that you don't.

People are different. If you were to compare your advantages with my disadvantages, you might find that I have the advantage. But what if one day I were to compare my advantages with your disadvantages?

Secondly, it would be beneficial to establish an independent self-evaluation system. It is important to recognise that your mother's opinion cannot actually define you. Obtaining evaluations of yourself from multiple sources, such as your own experiences, feedback from friends, and praise from teachers, can provide a more comprehensive and objective self-awareness.

Regarding image and beauty, my mother says she is ordinary, but I believe that does not make me more ordinary than her. I feel that the image an individual gives to others is not only reflected in appearance, but also in inner confidence, self-esteem, self-love, and wisdom.

It may be the case that we feel uncomfortable in response to our mothers because we ourselves care about ourselves and are not so confident. This could be why we find it difficult to accept criticism from our mothers.

3-It might be helpful to try to develop a more positive mindset and to look at your mother's comments in a more constructive way. Rather than seeing them as a reason to doubt yourself, you could try to see them as motivation to improve. For example, instead of saying "I can't do it," you could say "I can become better through hard work."

4-It might be helpful to try to communicate your true feelings to your mother.

It might be helpful to consider the following communication formula: facts (what you see and hear), feelings (emotions), thoughts (thinking process), expectations (how you want to be treated).

One of the reactions in the description of the mother is that boys don't look at you.

If I may, I would like to share with you my feelings when I hear you say this. It makes me feel belittled.

This sentence makes me feel that perhaps the boy doesn't like me as much as he could. It's a bit of a disappointment, but I'm still just the way I am. I have my strengths and my weaknesses. [Thoughts]

I hope that during our conversations, you can see the bright side of me and not belittle me.

I hope you find this sharing helpful. I love you, and I love the world.