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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
I extend a warm greeting from a distance.
I am gratified to observe that you have sought assistance and I hope that my contribution has provided you with some degree of support and assistance. I also commend you for your ability to recognize that you consistently offer more than is required in intimate relationships, particularly when the other party has caused you significant distress, and that you still find it challenging to terminate the relationship.
This indicates that in your perception, the self that gives and the self that is needed is the one that is valuable and worthy of love. In other words, you are attempting to exert control over the relationship through giving, in order to prove that you are worthy of love and valuable.
It is evident that the excessive giving in your intimate relationships and the associated costs to yourself are rooted in the trauma you experienced during your upbringing. It is possible that you were neglected and ignored to a significant extent during your formative years. Regardless of your efforts and achievements, as long as your actions do not align with the expectations of your significant other, they will be ignored, criticized, and resented. During your childhood, you may have attributed this treatment to your own inadequacies, leading to the internalization of this perception as part of your self-concept.
Subsequent to reaching adulthood, the patterns observed in intimate relationships are often a re-enactment of those observed in relationships with parents during early years of growth. Should one be aware of this phenomenon and willing to implement changes, it is possible to facilitate healing of past trauma and nurture oneself anew through one's own learning and growth.
It would be beneficial to consider which of one's needs in an intimate relationship are being fulfilled through over-giving. For instance, one might be driven to over-give in order to receive love, understanding, acceptance, value, care, and treatment in the same way. Once the underlying needs behind one's over-giving are identified, it may be possible to respond to and satisfy those needs in an appropriate manner.
For example, in an intimate relationship, one can initially treat oneself in this manner while simultaneously disclosing one's needs to one's partner with sincerity and courage. In an intimate relationship, the individuals involved are no longer bound by the constraints of parental authority. They are, in essence, equals in terms of personality, and thus possess the right and freedom to express their needs with courage. What are your thoughts on this matter?
Naturally, only when one has undergone continuous growth through learning and can fully accept oneself, be confident in one's own worth, and recognize one's entitlement to be treated well by oneself and others. Only then can one courageously and honestly express one's true feelings and needs in a relationship and assert one's boundaries.
What are your thoughts on this matter?
I am Lily, the youngest member of the Q&A Museum. I extend my love to the world, and I hope that my presence here will be a source of inspiration to you all.
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Comments
I understand that falling in love can make us do things we wouldn't normally do. It's tough when you feel like you're losing yourself in the process. I think it's important to also love and take care of yourself while being in a relationship.
Sometimes we give too much because we fear losing the connection. But remember, a healthy relationship should make you feel valued, not drained. It's okay to set boundaries for your own wellbeing.
It sounds like you really invest yourself in love. That's beautiful but also challenging when it's not reciprocated. Maybe it's time to focus on what you need and deserve from a partner.
Loving someone deeply is wonderful, but it shouldn't come at the cost of your happiness. Perhaps finding a balance where you cherish the relationship and yourself equally could be the key.
You're putting so much effort into these relationships, yet it seems you're not getting the same in return. It's crucial to find someone who will appreciate you for all you are without hurting you.