Why is it that from childhood to adulthood, people are always absent-minded? How can this be improved?

Hello, question asker.

You might feel a bit confused and out of control. [Hug]

In terms of studies, work, and spending time with your children, etc., you feel like you've always done your best, but you don't know where you're falling short. It can leave you feeling torn and confused, right?

☘️Back in school, I didn't want to study. I felt like I couldn't keep up with the lectures and problems. I thought that as long as I wasn't late and finished my homework on time, I had done my best.

Maybe we can also see that going to school helps us think in new ways, and that going to school helps us work hard and stick with problems until we find solutions.

At work, I try to be on time, take the time I'm supposed to take, and leave when I'm supposed to leave. Of course, the most important thing about our work is to make money and have an income.

Maybe we can also find a job we like. Besides making money and having enough to eat and wear clothes, we can also feel like we're living with purpose and that our lives have value. Some jobs let you grow your skills by tackling problems and solving them, which makes you feel capable and fulfilled.

Some jobs where you help others and gain the respect of others will make you feel like your personal value is still meaningful.

After having a child, you feel like you've done your best if you're there for them, they have something to eat, and they're safe.

Maybe we can also see it this way: playing with your child, showing them you're there for them, that you love them, and that you can feel the love too. In everyday life, sometimes just watching your child play and chat by themselves, or helping them out when they have a problem.

You can see how much he's grown and how hard he's worked. As a mother, you can really feel proud of him.

In fact, we can continuously explore our potential and expand our knowledge. Then, we can keep searching and thinking about what we want.

What are our career goals? How far do we want to take our family?

How much do we want to spend time with our kids? When you find your goal, you'll be motivated and naturally focused on it.

Then you won't be distracted. You'll feel a sense of value, meaning, and accomplishment, and have more positive experiences.

You might want to check out my thinking and see if it helps you find your own way.

Wishing you all the best! ?

Hello. I want to know when you started examining yourself this way. It's a difficult realization, but you've done it.

Professor Kelly McGonigal is a highly acclaimed psychologist at Stanford University. In one chapter of her book, "Self-Control," she discusses the "Economics of Immediate Pleasure." In a test where 19 chimpanzees competed against 40 college students from Harvard University and Germany, the chimps won.

In a test where you have to wait to get a bigger reward, 72% of the chimps chose to wait, while only 19% chose not to. This is a clear indication that we can learn a lot from these creatures.

We all want to "meet our future selves" and be successful. This involves both "immediate rewards" and "future rewards." Let me be clear: "immediate rewards" can activate an even older, more primitive reward system, stimulating the corresponding dopamine production and desire. Therefore, "future rewards" may not seem very attractive. This may mean you don't have the patience to focus on something because the results are so far away.

We all have a present self and a future self in our hearts, but most of the time we can't see the future self clearly, so the present self feels like it's working for a stranger. This is similar to when some parents try to outline a beautiful vision for their children, but rarely get a response. It's like we're telling them that they should sacrifice their present time playing to take responsibility for the future and happiness of a stranger.

It is, without a doubt, difficult!

Use the "life clock" to record your life and develop your next medium- and long-term plan. I also recommend the book "My First Life Planning Handbook." It describes how to quickly locate the different stages of your life plan based on your own situation.

You can revitalize your life and meet the person you've been waiting to meet in the future.

The questioner expressed gratitude for the present moment and appreciation for the opportunity to engage in this discourse.

After reviewing your description, I am concerned about your inner state. It is evident that you desire to alter this state and experience the sensation of flow.

Firstly, you have previously identified a number of instances in which you were "inattentive". I would be interested to hear whether you can recall any occasions in which you were attentive.

It is recommended that you calm down and recall the details and feelings associated with these experiences. It is likely that you will still have such experiences from your childhood and youth, spanning more than 30 years.

Given that you frequently find yourself in a state of "being absent-minded," under the impression that it is sufficient to merely complete tasks, and simultaneously disliking this state, it is evident that there are several underlying reasons for this prolonged condition.

1. There is a lack of clarity regarding the individual's beliefs and values.

A lack of clear beliefs and values about how to live one's life and approach tasks results in a tendency to engage with activities in a perfunctory manner, without fully committing to them and experiencing the sense of accomplishment that can be derived from such endeavors. To develop a more nuanced and meaningful set of beliefs and values, it is recommended to engage with classic books and biographies of renowned individuals, as these can provide insights and inspiration.

2. Interrupted concentration

During the formation of concentration, one is subject to constant interruption, which precludes the possibility of experiencing the pleasure associated with concentration. It is acceptable to approach this process with a certain degree of approximation. It is recommended that one begin with a subject that holds personal interest and gradually become immersed in it. It is preferable to engage with a subject that is meaningful. Passive forms of entertainment, such as watching dramas or videos, do not constitute a suitable starting point.

One may commence with the tasting of a raisin, utilizing ten minutes to fully open one's senses of sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell, and develop one's own sense of taste.

3. If one engages in excessive thinking

If one is prone to excessive thinking and lacks the motivation to act, it becomes relatively easy to become engrossed in one's own thoughts and to fall prey to the narratives that one's mind creates. It is therefore recommended that one become more aware of this state of mind, engage in meditation more frequently, and remind oneself to return to the present moment at any time.

It is recommended that individuals engage in more physical activity, even if it is only a minimal amount. It is important to acknowledge, appreciate, and praise oneself for these efforts. It is also advised to start with small changes and gradually become more aware of one's actions. If one finds themselves reverting to negative thought patterns, it is essential to remind oneself to refocus on the present moment. During this period, it is crucial to avoid self-judgment and criticism. Instead, one should adopt a gentle and supportive approach towards oneself.

The meditation planet on the Yi Xinli platform may be of assistance.

It is recommended that you become more aware of your emotional state and the sensations that arise from it. Observe your child's gaze, appreciate the surrounding environment, and acknowledge the tangible reality of your experience. This will facilitate the appreciation of the beauty inherent in your attentiveness.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello, From what I can gather from your description, it seems as though your distress may have been a long-standing issue, or perhaps it has become a habit.

I believe there are a few reasons for this.

1. A lack of clarity regarding the value of certain things

From your description, it seems that you may not have a clear sense of the value of your actions or the need for them. It's understandable that you know these things should be done, and that you feel a moral obligation to do them.

Internally, you may not fully recognize the potential benefits these things could bring you. It's possible you might not take the initiative to pursue them. You might not make an effort to gain the value from them or to do them for your own benefit.

2. You may benefit from finding ways to become more involved and cultivate a greater sense of passion.

It seems that you may lack passion for many things in your life, which makes it difficult for you to fully engage with them. For instance, when studying, you may not feel that knowledge is particularly significant to you, as you don't think you'll necessarily need it in the future. Similarly, when raising children, you may feel that you've already fulfilled your obligations and that their growth is their own responsibility.

From these negative thoughts and your description, it seems that you might prefer to be alone, doing nothing, and that you may feel somewhat lonely.

Perhaps this lack of passion is the issue that is preventing you from being able to devote yourself fully to the process, which might mean missing out on the joy and satisfaction that it can bring.

3. Personal habits and procrastination

Over time, you have developed your own survival model and ways of adapting to your environment. This is likely because your actions have not resulted in any significant negative consequences and have not caused much impact on others.

However, it seems that your current situation may be a form of avoidance and procrastination. It appears that you may be avoiding hardship and procrastinating on your laziness.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to give it a try?

1. Consider opening up to the world. Step outside your own world, discover the wonders of the outside world, and integrate into it. For example, you might read a few books attentively, play with your children, grow together, and record your children's every little bit.

2. It would be beneficial to have your own interests and hobbies. It is recommended to have more outdoor and group activities.

It might be helpful to try to avoid activities that exclude yourself from the value of the wider community. It's important to be fully active.

3. It would be beneficial to have your own values and goals. For example, you might consider getting to know some outstanding people and exposing yourself to environments that can improve you.

Perhaps you're wondering, "Why should I improve? Why should I do that?"

Perhaps you don't want to be plagued by this kind of inaction and inability to devote yourself.

I'm wondering if the fact that you've brought up the issue suggests that you're troubled.

I kindly ask you to join me.