Why is it that when I start to work hard and improve myself, my husband is always there to bring me down?

I empathize with your situation, my child. Allow me to embrace you.

In the aftermath of the country's initial liberation, a popular saying emerged, proclaiming that women hold up half the sky. Upon observing your family, it becomes evident that you embody this notion to a remarkable extent.

First and foremost, I would like to commend you for your capabilities. Your husband's previous success was largely due to your assistance. While he dealt with customers, you were the one who resolved the issues, which is a highly valuable skill.

It is possible that the previous model fostered an illusion in your husband that he was the sole contributor to the family's success. This may have led to resentment, denial of your value, and even physical violence when you attempted to relinquish control over financial matters. As you have become increasingly independent and successful, while his business has encountered difficulties, he may resume his previous behavior, including criticizing you and interfering with your activities.

It is distressing to observe. I offer you my support and comfort. It is challenging for you to endure this situation.

As the adage suggests, it is preferable to attempt to resolve marital issues through persuasion rather than separation. Let us proceed with a calm and objective analysis: 1. What benefits have you derived from this marriage?

2. When you were married, which of his qualities did you find most impressive? 3. Have you observed any changes in his habits since the marriage?

4. You have children, and all parent-child relationships have an impact on children. It would be prudent to consider ways of improving your relationship with your spouse to provide your children with a positive family environment. 5. Based on your description, it appears that the father is not contributing significantly to the upbringing of his children. It seems that the responsibility for childcare and spending time with the children is primarily yours. What efforts has your spouse made to assist with these tasks?

It is acknowledged that the following question may be somewhat direct; however, it is hoped that the two individuals in a marriage can work together. Should they be unable to do so, there will be no regret in separating.

Given that your husband has a tendency to be violent, it is imperative that you take measures to safeguard your well-being and that of your children. If he is treating you in this manner, it is crucial that you seek assistance from the legal system or the Women's Federation to protect your legitimate rights and interests.

My dear,

The marriage-partners-how-should-you-weigh-up-the-pros-and-cons-from-a-rational-point-of-view-19559.html" target="_blank">choice is always there, and it's up to us to decide whether we have the courage to face it and bear it.

I must say that I found Fish Leong's "Courage" quite appealing for a while, not necessarily because of the melody or the lyrics, but because of the story behind it. It is often the case that we are faced with a number of choices in life, and we can perhaps compare this to a child who is afraid of getting an injection after falling ill, just to avoid the pain caused by the injection. Not only do we ignore the fact that we are ill, but we also try to hypnotize ourselves while seeking the attention and approval of others.

It is often said that traditional Chinese medicine treats the root cause, while antibiotics can have side effects. Could these be true? It seems that there is some truth to this, but perhaps not in the way that we have been led to believe.

It might be helpful to consider that getting an injection when you are sick is one of many options. Perhaps our focus should be on how to relieve the pain, rather than whether or not to get an injection. This kind of problem-focused thinking could help us to move away from the trap of thinking about how to make children not be afraid of injections. Instead, we could focus on which method can cure the disease, whether there is a better option than injections, and even whether we can strengthen physical exercise to reduce the chance of getting sick.

The current situation of the host is similar to this. The host and her husband started a business together, and their work and life together has revealed many details. This stage is often referred to as the "break-in period" in a marriage. We are all unique and creative, not custom-made, so the relationship between a man and a woman in a marriage, no matter who they are with, will go through this stage. It is often said that the difference between a happy marriage and an unhappy marriage does not lie in who you are with, but more in how you get along together. This is what is often referred to as "managing a marriage" in modern marriages.

It is important to consider whether both parties are willing to face various flaws together, be honest about unpleasant situations, and find ways to adjust the discord to an acceptable state through negotiation, commitment, and practice within the limits of mutual acceptance. This may be the key to a long-lasting and happy marriage. There are many ways to learn from others, such as Gottman's "The Happy Marriage" and "Seven Rules for a Happy Marriage" and Russell's "Sex and Marriage."

Reading can provide a helpful starting point. As the saying goes, "He who has food in his hands is not worried about hunger when walking." When we are proactive, we may be able to find more solutions to problems when similar situations arise. Through trial and error and adjustment in our interactions, it is possible that the landlord will soon be able to find a way to escape the current unpleasant situation on their own.

And the choice among the many methods that follow will largely depend on the owner's personal inclinations. There are many times when we know which choice is better, but we may not necessarily do it. This is the often-heard phrase, "I have learned so many truths, but I still can't live a good life."

If this is what has happened, perhaps it would be helpful to try not to feel too sorry for yourself. Life can often feel helpless, and it's important to remember that having enthusiasm alone isn't enough to conquer the world. If you've weighed up the options and made a choice, it might be helpful to try to be happy with your life and make the most of the present. After all, everyone only has one life, so even if you can't be the best, it's important not to be too hard on yourself.

Hello! I'm Lin Wei, a heart exploration coach, and I'm thrilled to answer your question.

From your description, I can sense your helplessness and sadness in this intimate relationship. I want to say to you that you have worked hard, and you should be proud of yourself!

But after reading your description, I was so inspired that I deleted and revised the answer many times. I truly believe you can also understand that your husband's frequent oppression and humiliation of you began when you first started your career.

It's amazing how easy it is to start an intimate relationship, but how challenging it can be to maintain it. For many couples, it's incredible how effortlessly we can share our highs and lows when we love each other. But, as the gap between us widens, it's important to recognize that the person in a slightly lower position might feel their self-esteem being attacked.

Many people have changed their thinking to escape the thought of "I am worse than others." They start attacking their partners in order to gain a sense of false superiority, which is an interesting approach!

Let me put it another way. It's: "We should all get rich together, and we should all suffer together. But if you get rich before me, that's not okay." Or, to put it nicely, this is called "analyzing the pros and cons." Or, to put it bluntly, it's PUA.

Your husband has the same problem, and he even has a serious tendency towards male chauvinism. In his comparison with you, he is becoming increasingly insecure and less confident. Maybe there are some well-wishers who have secretly compared you to him without your noticing, which has made him furious. He cannot attack others, and you are married, so the intimacy of the relationship condones this rudeness, so he turns around and attacks you. He is not doing well, so you cannot do well either.

He could have asked you how to solve the problem, but he went for it!

He could have told you that he was in an uncomfortable situation and lacked confidence, but instead he chose to put you down to gain a sense of superiority.

This also reflects your husband's lack of expression skills, which is something he can definitely work on! It's not that he can't talk, but that he might not always want to.

From the description that followed, I learned that the questioner had experienced domestic violence for a long time. This is not a fair or good intimate relationship. But it can be! I don't think it's fair to you, but it doesn't have to be.

I want to encourage you to go for it! When you have the chance to work independently, seize the opportunity to develop yourself. Your work is so much more important than a man who PUAs you. If you have the ability, then go for it! You can turn around and tell him, "If you're capable, do what I do; if you're not, shut up."

You are absolutely amazing!

At the same time, I really hope that when you encounter some violence and verbal humiliation, you will use the legal weapons to protect yourself. There is always only zero or countless times for violence. Don't tolerate it! You can absolutely create a good life for yourself. Don't be so depressed as to bring a burden with you.

The above remarks only represent myself, and I'm excited to share them with you! In any case, I hope the questioner loves herself and doesn't waste her energy on irrelevant people and things.

I wish you all the success in the world in your career and a happy future!

Dear questioner, I'm thrilled to have this chance to connect with you here!

You see, you are actually a very simple person who just wants to run a small business with your husband. But your husband is unable to work together with you to make the family business a success. Instead, he constantly causes trouble and makes things unbearable for you.

And then you did it! You went out on your own and started your own business. I'm sure you had a period of peace. But as your business got better and better thanks to your hard work, your husband started to mess with it again.

You have sacrificed so much for your family! You've taken care of the children, looked after the family, done the housework, and most importantly, made financial contributions. Despite all of this, your husband has not shown you any understanding. I really feel for you and understand how you feel. Let me give you a warm hug first. You are a wonderful woman who has devoted herself to the family.

It's so inspiring to see how you've stuck it out for so long! I know it's been tough, but you've kept going. I admire your strength! It's so sad to see that your husband has lost his temper, blamed you, and even hit you. It's understandable that you're afraid to resist.

He really feels for you, and he should! You've achieved so much success in the process of trying to improve yourself. Your sense of accomplishment is growing, and it's giving you the strength inside to stand up for yourself and speak up for your needs.

Now, I think you can make two minor changes that will have a big impact!

I understand that you have a lot of grievances that you haven't said, but you also need to pay attention to the way you speak when communicating with your husband. Try to vent less and complain less, because these things, apart from venting emotions, will not improve your current situation. What's important is that it may provoke his anger. We know that your husband's problem is obviously that he cannot accept your success and his own incompetence. He is not unaware of the current reality; he just doesn't want to admit it. But you can help him see the truth!

So if you can do something yourself to change the situation and protect yourself, you can focus the conversation on the theme of "you have gone through a lot of hardship out of necessity to maintain our family, otherwise we would have a hard time." Let him understand that if he clings to his pitiful face, he will not have a good life either, and thus understand the importance of you.

Don't forget to take care of yourself in the midst of a busy life and such great stress and anxiety. You have always been busy taking care of the home, the children, the business, and your husband, but you have forgotten that you are the one who holds all these things that are important to you together—and you can do it!

So, no matter how busy you are, starting today, set aside a little time every day to take care of yourself, in whatever way is most comfortable for you, even if it's just 10 minutes. If you can do this, you will find that things will gradually change—and they will change for the better!

I am an enthusiastic answerer, a listening friend, and an offline consultant at Yixinli. I am so excited to help you learn the knowledge you need to face life head-on and summarize your experience to help others!

It's obvious you're a highly capable individual. Not only are you excelling in your career, but you're also a huge asset to the family. A woman like you deserves respect and care, but unfortunately, your husband is suppressing you in every way possible. I can understand how you feel!

Given how unfairly you've been treated, you might have been torn between running away or putting up with it. Either way, I think we should take a good look at this person and this matter. It's always better to make a decision after taking a good look.

First, let's look at the underlying reasons for what happened.

From what you've said, it seems like your husband is pretty resistant to your success in your career. Not only is he unhappy that you've helped him and the family with your career, but he also shows resentment, confrontation, and wariness in every way.

I wonder if we can understand this from the perspective of "sense of security." It seems like your husband currently lacks a sense of security.

He's insecure about his career. You not only helped him with the project he was working on, but you also did well on your own, which shows you're more capable than him.

This big difference is proof that he's not as good as you at this, that he's not as strong or capable. This will make him less confident in himself, so he'll feel less secure.

He feels insecure in the family. You're moving up in your career, while he's struggling. You should be the one supporting the family financially.

You also take care of the kids after work and are the mainstay of the family. People who contribute more naturally feel important. This family doesn't reflect his value of existence, and this makes him feel insecure.

He's not very confident in relationships. You're a capable, family-oriented woman with a lot of strengths.

After you left him, you were able to keep working on finding new customers, which shows that a lot of people recognize your value. The more attractive you are to others, the more he'll feel like he's losing you.

He keeps putting you down and even hits you to show he's the stronger one between you and that he can control you. But when he really gets on your nerves, he acts happy and smiles, because deep down he's really afraid you'll leave him.

Secondly, you need to find a way to deal with it.

Secondly, you need to find a way to deal with it.

If you notice that he lacks a sense of security, it'll be easier to understand his different behaviors.

When you see that he lacks a sense of security, it's easier to understand his various behaviors.

But understanding doesn't mean you have to tolerate it. The point is to find a solution. Now that we've identified the source of the problem, what's the best way to address it?

Since he's lacking in the security department, could we solve the problem by giving him a sense of security?

Everyone needs to feel secure. He may not be as successful as you in his career, but he was the first to enter the industry, so he might have some unique insights.

Spot his strengths and give him a pat on the back for them. That way, he'll feel more valuable.

To his family, he's a father; in his relationship, he's a husband and the other half of his life. His value isn't just about his financial contribution to the family. You have kids together, a shared life, a shared youth and past, which you can't buy with money.

You need to really affirm and accept his value, his position, and communicate with each other calmly. This kind of communication isn't about arguing, blaming, or complaining. It's about truly standing in the other person's shoes and thinking about things from their perspective.

Of course, as the party that has already suffered a loss, it is difficult for you to accept that you must make the first concession and change. But there's a saying that whoever suffers changes. If two people are 100 steps apart, someone must always take the first step to achieve the desire to come together, right?

The person who takes the initiative to change is not the weak one, but the one who controls the direction of things. From a problem-solving perspective, you're on the same side, and what opposes you is the problem. What you need is cooperation, not opposition.

The person who takes the initiative to change is not the weak one, but the one who controls the direction of things. From a problem-solving perspective, you're on the same side, and what's standing in your way is the problem. What you need is cooperation, not opposition.

I hope this helps, even if it's not exactly what you were looking for. My name is Teng Ying, and I'm a psychological counselor. I wish you a speedy recovery from your situation.

Dear Questioner, From the text, it is evident that you are facing a dilemma in balancing your professional and personal lives. You are experiencing distress due to the challenges of pursuing your career while also dealing with your husband's criticism and hostility. Additionally, you are contemplating divorce but unable to reach an agreement. This situation is undoubtedly painful.

From the description provided, it is evident that your role as a supportive wife has facilitated the smooth development of the business. The resolution of numerous issues and the subsequent growth in business success since you assumed control are clear indications of this. This should be a source of joy and pride for you, yet it appears to have led to a deterioration in your husband's satisfaction and a shift towards more critical attitudes.

Prior to offering counsel, it is my intention to present my hypothesis regarding the nature of your husband's thoughts.

Let us consider a scenario in which an employee who has been with the company for a considerable period of time has been promoted to a leadership position and has a stable customer base and work habits. However, one day, a new employee joins the company. This newcomer demonstrates a high level of understanding of the work and their performance continues to improve, even surpassing the best performance of the leader. It is reasonable to assume that the leader's initial reaction to this subordinate would be one of curiosity and interest in learning from the rookie. However, it is also possible that the leader may feel a sense of threat to their authority and may attempt to undermine the newcomer's position.

If an individual's sense of accomplishment and value is derived from their professional endeavors and they are suddenly confronted with the realization that another individual can perform the same tasks with greater proficiency, acknowledging this information may lead to a sense of self-doubt and a denial of their own past achievements. Even when they are aware that the alternative approach is more effective and the other person possesses superior abilities, it can be challenging for them to fully accept this reality.

Furthermore, if the relationship between husband and wife is viewed from a win-lose perspective, then the party that considers themselves the "loser" will undoubtedly experience feelings of sadness. Conversely, if the idea of a win-win situation is adopted, then regardless of circumstances, both parties will have collectively earned money. Consequently, if this is the underlying assumption, then it stands to reason that all parties will be content. Therefore, if the family unit is viewed as a unified entity rather than a competition between "performances," then a cooperative relationship can be established.

However, it appears that your husband does not share the same consensus with you. Consequently, he may have mistakenly regarded you as a competitor and suppressed you.

It is also possible, however, that your husband has not yet come to terms with the reality that your career has developed more successfully than his, and that he is unsure of how to match your achievements. This may result in him communicating in a way that is perceived as hostile, which in turn may cause you to feel aggrieved.

In light of these considerations, three suggestions are offered for your reference.

Firstly, despite the inherent difficulties associated with communication, it remains a crucial aspect of any relationship.

In your current situation, you are tasked with the dual responsibilities of child rearing and maintaining a demanding career, in addition to navigating a challenging marital dynamic. You have expressed difficulty in communicating with your husband and have articulated your needs to him. However, it is unclear whether you have discussed with him your long-term plans for your marriage and career.

It would be beneficial to consider the children's perspective as well.

Furthermore, recurrent disagreements within a marriage may also influence the emotional state of the children, who may experience distress and apprehension as a result. It is therefore imperative to address the emotional needs of the husband and engage in constructive dialogue.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether there are any ways in which your husband can provide assistance. It may also be helpful to determine whether there are any tasks within your abilities that you could offer to help.

In the event that no other viable option exists, it is not advisable to impose undue pressure on oneself. Should there still be some optimism regarding one's husband, it may be beneficial to focus on the objective of "how to facilitate your husband's continued professional growth."

Once an individual has established a clear work objective, they are less likely to devote their attention to matters that are not directly relevant to this goal. This can result in a temporary increase in peace of mind and the opportunity to devote more time to making arrangements and plans.

Secondly, it is advisable to seek support from others.

When one is in the midst of a problematic situation, it is often straightforward to adopt a victimized perspective. For instance, despite the evident fact that one is the victim of an attack, one's spouse may also believe that this is due to one's perceived capabilities or may even attribute it to the actions of one's romantic partner in a way that leads to the dissolution of the marriage.

It is therefore often the case that one party's perspective is not comprehensive. It is possible to relieve some of the stress experienced by discussing the situation with someone who understands the nuances of marriage and with whom one has a trusting relationship. This can also facilitate the generation of a greater number of ideas that can inform decision-making.

Thirdly, it is of the utmost importance to have a robust support system in place.

In the event that marital life is causing significant distress and there is no possibility of improvement, regardless of the decision made, it is essential to plan for the future. At the very least, having a reliable and consistent source of income will provide a sense of stability and security, thereby reinforcing the decision made.

A crisis situation presents both risks and potential opportunities.

It is my hope that the questioner will soon perceive the light at the end of the tunnel and recognize the emergence of hope.

I extend my best wishes to you. One Mind and I Love You

Your husband may feel threatened by your progress. He may try to suppress you to prove his own worth.

When someone is better than us, it feels like we're being denied.

This sense of being denied is more obvious at work.

People who do well at work are often attacked.

In the family, men are in charge outside and women are in charge inside.

Many men are very authoritative.

They need to be in charge, and women just need to depend on them.

If they are less successful than their wives and earn less, they will feel less valuable.

This makes them feel worthless.

Your husband is trying to show you who's in charge.

The above paragraph applies to men who are normally controlling.

Your husband may be serious.

If you help him, he won't let you manage too much.

If you do things on your own, he will be unhappy.

He is also violent.

You seem to be saying, "You can't be better than me. I want to prove that I'm the best."

To get along with such a husband, show some weakness, show your husband is important, and encourage him.

When he criticizes you, understand that he's trying to show you his good side.

If you're strong-minded, you can avoid pointing out flaws and don't have to rush to refute criticism.

Ask for his advice, listen, and then agree with the good parts.

When he's calm, talk about how it makes you feel when he accuses you and what you hope he'll do in the future.

Finally, tell him you want to work with him to run the household well and that you won't abandon him.

This will take time. Let him know you understand and are tolerant.

It might be hard for you.

If you want to live together, you have to get used to it.

I hope this helps.

I'm Yan Guilai, a counselor. Best wishes!