Worrying unnecessarily is exhausting. Always feeling burdened, what should one do?

Dear question asker, From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a considerable degree of anxiety in both your personal and professional lives.

The following methods may be employed to adjust one's state of mind and alleviate anxiety:

1. It is imperative not to dwell on the past. Regardless of whether the cause is criticism from others, a conflict with a friend, or another source of regret, it is crucial to understand that these events have already occurred and that subsequent actions cannot alter their outcome.

The reiteration of these fragments in the mind will inevitably result in an endless cycle of negative emotions. This kind of internal depletion will not only drain our energy but also lead us into a situation from which we cannot extricate ourselves.

It is therefore recommended that these issues be allowed to dissipate without further attention and that one does not allow isolated occurrences to persistently preoccupy the mind.

2. It is imperative to avoid becoming overwhelmed with anxiety in advance of a situation. As previously stated, when circumstances are favorable, one may become preoccupied with potential negative outcomes and engage in excessive worry about their performance, particularly in the context of public presentations.

It is imperative to recognize that contemplating myriad unfavorable outcomes prior to embarking on a task will inevitably distract one's attention from the present moment. Upon confronting these challenges, it becomes evident that the reality often deviates from one's initial perceptions.

It is therefore recommended that one does not expend energy on anticipating future difficulties; rather, one should strive to perform to the best of one's abilities in the present and address any future challenges as they arise.

3. It is imperative not to allow preconceived difficulties to impede one's actions. When confronted with a task, it is essential to analyse it in an objective manner, refraining from preconceiving difficulties and obstacles in advance. This preconception will inevitably result in a loss of courage to act.

Hello, questioner. My name is June Lai Feng.

From your narrative, it seems that your current situation is not "worrisome," but rather a way of thinking with great foresight and insight. However, excessive worry and stress may sometimes affect your physical and mental health and work efficiency.

From a psychological perspective, your thinking patterns and feelings could be seen as an over-focus on uncertainty and concerns about possible future problems. This thinking habit may be related to the following factors:

First, cognitive dissonance theory suggests that people may tend to maintain the consistency of their beliefs. When confronted with a situation that conflicts with existing beliefs, an uncomfortable psychological tension may be created, prompting people to consider changing their beliefs or behaviors to reduce this tension.

In the situation you describe, it might be helpful to consider anticipating difficulties when things are going well as a way to reduce the uncertainty and potential psychological tension that may arise in the future.

Secondly, we could consider the role of counter-intuitive thinking, which involves reflecting on hypothetical scenarios such as "what if...?"

When things are going well, we often find ourselves imagining what might happen if things were to take an unexpected turn. This kind of thinking can be helpful in preparing for potential risks, but it can also lead to feelings of unnecessary anxiety and stress. You may have a heightened sensitivity to risk and be more likely to notice potential problems and difficulties.

This may make you feel a little uneasy even when things are going well.

It is also worth noting that the pessimism bias means that our brains are more sensitive to negative information. This may result in people expecting and paying attention to negative events rather than positive outcomes.

It is possible that long-term pessimistic expectations may have their roots in reflections on past experiences, especially those that have brought pain or loss.

Another factor to consider is perfectionism. Perfectionists often set high standards for themselves, aiming to avoid any potential mistakes or issues. While this can be beneficial in certain situations, it can also lead to stress, even when engaging in activities that you are genuinely interested in or working on. This trait can contribute to a sense of constant stress and anxiety, as perfectionists may feel a constant pressure to meet their high standards.

It might be helpful to consider the sense of control that comes with anticipating and preparing for future problems. When things don't go as planned, having a plan in place allows you to take action and find solutions, which can provide a sense of stability and assurance.

It might be helpful to know that even the process of problem solving can be a source of comfort when facing stress. It provides a sense of control and structure, which can be beneficial.

It is also possible that past difficulties or setbacks may cause you to adopt a cautious and defensive attitude towards the future. You may fear that good things are only temporary and that bad things could happen at any time.

Insecurity can manifest as a lack of security, which may make us more sensitive to things in life and prone to anxiety and worry. This insecurity can stem from personal experiences, personality traits, or environmental factors.

It is possible that a chronic state of mind may have a negative impact on your physical and mental health, such as anxiety, fatigue, and depression. With that in mind, we would like to offer some suggestions to help us adjust this way of thinking:

First, cognitive restructuring involves learning to identify and challenge negative thinking patterns and redirecting attention to the positive. By changing the way you perceive things, you may find that you can reduce worry and stress.

It may be helpful to assess situations objectively and avoid exaggerating problems and risks. It can also be beneficial to learn to distinguish between real threats and imagined concerns.

Secondly, it may be helpful to cultivate an optimistic mindset, focus on the positive aspects of things, and learn to believe that good things can continue to happen. It might be beneficial to look for the advantages and opportunities in things, rather than focusing solely on potential problems.

Thirdly, it may be helpful to accept uncertainty and to recognise that life is full of uncertainty and that it is not possible to fully predict the future. Learning to accept and adapt to change and to believe in your ability to cope with difficulties could be beneficial.

It may be helpful to set reasonable expectations for yourself and the way things develop. It's probably best not to strive for perfection, and to accept that mistakes and setbacks can occur.

One way to reduce stress and focus on the present is to break down big tasks or projects into small, manageable parts.

When faced with problems, it may be helpful to consider taking positive action instead of worrying excessively. Developing solutions and implementing them gradually could potentially increase a sense of control.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to focus on the present, concentrate on the current moment, and fully immerse yourself in the activity at hand. You might find that developing hobbies and engaging in activities you enjoy can be a distraction, bring pleasure and satisfaction, and reduce stress.

It might be helpful to focus on enjoying the process, rather than worrying too much about the outcome.

It is worth noting that changing one's mindset can be a gradual process that requires time and effort. However, by taking positive steps, it is possible to gradually reduce the perception of being a "worrywart," better cope with the challenges in life, and more easily enjoy the fun of one's interests and work, rather than carrying a burden.

I hope you have a wonderful day!

Hello, I'm Xintan coach Fei Yun. Life is a beautiful journey, not so much for appreciation, but for blooming.

I'm happy you've asked this question because it gives me a chance to share my thoughts with you. Next, I'd like to talk about the patterns of optimism and pessimism and the sense of entitlement.

1. The [optimistic and pessimistic] model

You've noticed your own pattern: worrying about the future. Whenever things are going well, you think that the bad will come too. This makes you feel stressed and anxious, and it's hard for you to enjoy the present.

You're not afraid of the bad, but you can't enjoy the good either.

It's like that really tricky question: a box of good apples and a box of slightly bad apples. Which one do you eat first? Some people choose to eat the bad apples first. Does that mean they'll never get to eat the good apples?

If you focus on the positive, you'll be happy. But if you focus on the negative, you'll be sad and depressed.

This is why some people are happy and others are sad when faced with the same thing.

From this principle of evolutionary psychology, we know that our genes are naturally focused on danger. This means that it's human instinct to focus on the negative and danger. In a jungle society, those who focus on danger and inadequacy are more likely to survive.

When we focus on danger and inadequacy, we're on high alert, watching our backs. This makes us more likely to spot danger and more likely to survive than folks who focus on the good stuff.

How can you live a little happier? It's simple: take a moment to appreciate what you have.

This is the best way to make you happy, no question.

People who can do this are called "optimists," while people who always focus on dangers and deficiencies are called "pessimists." Both optimism and pessimism are habits and patterns of life, and there's no such thing as an absolute good or bad.

Pessimists tend to see difficulties and unpleasant things as permanent, while treating good things as temporary. They often view difficulties as the norm and good things as exceptions. They also tend to believe that achievements are the result of doing something right, rather than talent, and that mistakes are the result of incompetence or human error.

Optimists think differently. They see difficulties and unpleasant things as temporary, while good things are long-term and permanent. They also see difficulties as individual and exceptional, while good things are the norm.

They believe that they can achieve anything if they put their mind to it and give themselves a pat on the back when they do well. But when they make a mistake, they tend to think that it was just an accident and that it has nothing to do with their abilities.

Optimism and pessimism are really a way of life, and their root is a sense of security. Optimists can be cultivated.

They focus on what they have or what is good, and this is an important reason for this is that they feel secure enough.

2. Sense of entitlement

"Sense of entitlement" is basically the feeling that you deserve something. If you don't feel entitled enough, you'll avoid the good things that God has given you, like having your heart's desire.

A person's sense of entitlement is tied to their self-worth. When you have something valuable, you feel entitled to it. You believe you are valuable and worthy, and you deserve to have it.

There are two ways to gain a sense of worthiness. The first is to heal internal wounds, which you can do with the help of professional psychological counseling. The second is to create value externally. You can do this by being a person of value to others and society. One way to do this is by joining a public welfare organization.

The foundation of both a sense of self-worth and a sense of security is "self-worth." It's the cornerstone of a person's mental health.

If you enhance your self-worth, it can also help you feel more secure. People with high self-worth tend to have confidence in themselves and the world around them.

If you're looking for specific ways to improve, I'd recommend checking out the book "Psychological Nutrition" by Lin Wentai. There are also courses by Lin on the platform.

One simple way to do this is to give yourself positive feedback on a regular basis.

Some slogans I've found helpful include: "I am a life, I need love, I am worthy of love," "face the sun, be confident and happy, I want to live my own life," and "have firm beliefs, meet challenges, and believe in yourself."

I hope this is helpful to you, and I want to wish you well in the world.

If you'd like to keep in touch, you can follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Good morning, my name is Coach Yu from XinTan, and I would be grateful for the opportunity to discuss this topic with you.

I wonder if I might ask why this is so.

1. It might be worth considering whether it could be a perfectionist complex. Being a perfectionist is often a manifestation of a person's pursuit of details.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be perfect. It is only natural that we are driven to constantly approach our ideal self because of this pursuit. As the questioner wrote, whenever things are going well, we may think that things are cyclical and that we need to prepare for the future.

Perhaps the issue is that we focus on the ideal result, without fully considering the process and the costs involved in achieving it. Perfectionism can be a hindrance, preventing us from growing and developing.

2. It might be the fear of perfectionists. As a perfectionist, you may hope to win the applause of the audience with one move and solve all problems at once.

Reality is often not ideal. With further reflection, it can become challenging to see a clear path forward. It's natural to feel a bit anxious when faced with a significant decision. However, it's important to remember that even the most impressive achievements take time to unfold.

As the questioner wrote, even when doing work that interests you, there may still be a sense of burden and pressure, and at times, it's natural to feel the urge to step back.

The original poster can recall that we are now a bit harsh on ourselves and also have the mentality of a perfectionist. We hope to follow our own vision, but we recognize that making mistakes is part of the process. Looking at the well-known historical figures, many of them also experienced repeated failures but ultimately found the courage to persevere until they reached success.

3. The concept of perfectionism is often shaped by societal expectations, which tend to glorify the ideal outcome and downplay the value of trial and error. In reality, most of us face challenges and imperfections as part of our journey.

I recall when I first embarked on my entrepreneurial journey, I had this ambitious desire to succeed in all my endeavors simultaneously. However, the reality is that external circumstances and objective factors often present unexpected challenges that can impact our plans and progress. It's important to maintain a humble perspective and recognize that we don't always have control over external influences.

2. Recommendations for improvement

1. Perhaps it would be helpful to ask yourself what perfectionism means to you and which aspects of it you feel proud of.

Could you please explain the process I need to go through to pursue perfection? I would also like to understand which parts of myself I should leave behind during this process.

I believe that self-awareness is an important first step in the process of changing oneself.

2. It might be helpful to develop the mindset of "good enough." It could be beneficial to try to accept the process of deviation. It may be valuable to avoid being harsh on yourself for your mistakes. It could be beneficial to accept your imperfect self. It might be helpful to acknowledge the limitations of reality. It could be beneficial to strive for the best option within the limited conditions. It might be valuable to enjoy the happiness in the process of the present moment. In fact, the small joys in life could also be considered highlight moments. Rogers once said, "A good life is a process, a direction, not a destination."

It is my hope that you will gradually be able to overcome the negative mindset that comes with striving for perfection and experience the meaning of self-growth. I encourage you to take the first step, believe in the power of time, and wait for the flowers to bloom.

3. If this is something that is troubling you, it might be helpful to seek support from someone you trust, such as a family member or friend. You might also consider speaking with a counselor, as emotional distress can often be relieved through open communication.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to try to enrich your inner selves, discover your unique value, and always allow yourself to have an ordinary heart. I believe that an ordinary heart is a calm confidence, and confidence is a firm ordinary heart.

You might find it helpful to read "No Action, No Happiness."

The questioner: The present is good! Be grateful for the opportunity to connect.

From what you've said, I get the feeling you have a strong sense of responsibility and pressure. They're two sides of the same coin, and you're struggling to find a balance between them at the moment. It seems like this sense of responsibility is necessary, but sometimes it causes anxiety and pressure, which bothers you a little, right?

Let's talk about this together!

Look at it from a different angle.

In your description, you said, "Whenever things are going well, I think that things always develop in cycles, that if something good passes, something bad will come."

Do things always have to develop in cycles? If something good comes to an end, does something bad have to follow?

What's good and what's bad? Could what's seen as "bad" actually be good feedback from another perspective?

For instance, when Edison was trying to invent the light bulb, he tried out lots of different materials. It might seem like they all failed, but if we look at the result from a different perspective, it's just feedback telling us that this material isn't suitable. It's not "bad."

Even if something bad is on the way, are you freaking out inside, or are you excited for it to happen so you can become a better, more thoughtful person? How you perceive these things and what you think they mean to you makes a big difference.

These interpretations also affect how you feel, what you do, and what you choose to do.

The rest of your description is spot on. "When things are going very badly, even when you're swamped at work, you still feel stable. You know the problems have been identified and you're confident you can solve them." It seems like you can adjust your perspective on problems and also have the ability to solve problems. These abilities make you feel internally stable and secure.

Record these experiences and feelings so that when you're overwhelmed again, you can look back and remind yourself that you have what it takes to solve the problem, that there's no need to be anxious or afraid, and that you can take your time. This process requires you to first become aware of yourself, then remind yourself to relax, and connect with these past moments.

2. Find a balance.

"Even when I'm doing something I'm interested in or working, there's a lot of pressure. On the plus side, I take my responsibilities seriously, but I also put a lot of pressure on myself, and sometimes I even want to quit." In fact, responsibility and pressure are one and the same thing. What motivates you to get things done within your control is responsibility, while what interferes with and affects you beyond your control is pressure.

We need to find a balance here, to stay aware and open.

When we feel stressed or don't want to do something, it's important to pay attention to our inner thoughts and ideas. What would happen if we messed up? Does it affect us a lot? Is there a way to fix it?

If things aren't as perfect as you expected, with a little "white space," can you accept it? Will it affect the overall situation?

Can you accept and allow yourself to be imperfect? Did you gain anything from the process? What was it?

Regardless of the result and whether it meets expectations, do you regret the process?

As long as you gave it your all along the way, the result is not that important. It's just a summary and presentation of your entire process. Of course, there are also external factors that interfere and influence, which is out of your control. If you have no regrets about the process, then you will have no regrets about the result.

It's like a work of art. Having some parts left blank rather than filling the entire picture is actually more balanced and true.

Try to find a balance between responsibility and pressure. When you feel pressure, take a step back and look at what you've already done and gained. Shift your focus to the process rather than the outcome, and you'll slowly find balance.

3. Give yourself the green light.

"Even if something is satisfactorily completed, you may still feel sad because it's over." I don't understand why you would feel sad, but I feel more like crying from happiness. It will be hard to say goodbye to something you've worked so hard on.

At the same time, you need to start the next thing, and your heart will feel a little strange, worried, and anxious. All these feelings mixed together can make you feel sad, right?

Let any feelings that come up in your body be there, even if you're not sure why. They're there for a reason. Let yourself feel sad, and at the same time, give yourself some recognition, appreciation, and affirmation for the process. Make a summary, and do something you enjoy to formally say goodbye to this completed thing, so that there is a sense of ritual, so that you can psychologically transition and start again.

Perhaps my answer didn't fully address the question you were trying to ask, and there might be some other questions you still need to explore. Everything here is designed to help you understand yourself better and make any necessary adjustments.

Life is meant to be experienced. Welcome all that happens, welcome all the people who come into your life. The key is to relax, allow and accept, and you'll find your inner peace and joy.

I hope my answer is helpful to you, and I wish you the best!

Burdens are an unavoidable part of life. They can stem from work, studies, relationships, or simply fear of the unknown—and you can conquer them all!

The sense of burden you describe actually reflects your deep-seated pursuit of perfection, your emphasis on responsibility, and your concerns about the uncertainty of the future. This state of mind, although it can drive you to make continuous progress to a certain extent, may also become a mental shackle over the long term. But don't worry! There's a way to break free.

First of all, remember that life is an adventure! It's not always smooth sailing, but that's what makes it exciting. The ups and downs are just part of the journey. Your worry that something good will be followed by something bad is actually a natural reaction to the uncertainty of life — and it's totally normal!

However, we should absolutely embrace the beauty in front of us, even if we're worried about the bad things that may happen in the future. Every success is worth celebrating, and every failure is also an opportunity to grow!

Embrace the uncertainty and get ready for some amazing surprises!

Second, being highly responsible is both your strength and your burden. You want to do your best in everything, and this pursuit is respectable.

But at the same time, you must also learn to let go. No one is perfect, and that's okay! We can't do it perfectly, but we can sure try!

You've got this! Setting yourself too high a standard will only lead to endless fatigue and stress. Try to accept your imperfections and appreciate your efforts and progress, and you will find that you have actually done very well.

Furthermore, when you are doing something you like, don't forget to enjoy the process! Singing is an expression and an emotional release.

If you focus too much on the outcome, you'll miss out on all the joy that singing itself brings you! Try to focus on the process of singing and feel the pleasure and satisfaction that music brings you.

You'll be amazed at how much better you can sing when you stop worrying about the outcome!

And don't forget to accept the good things that others give you with a smile! Their kindness is a wonderful form of recognition and respect for you.

Embrace the kindness of others with open arms! Don't let fear of potential bad outcomes stand in the way of generosity. Every act of giving is a blessing, and it's up to us to recognize and celebrate them.

The key to reducing your burden is simple: adjust your mindset and change your perspective! Accept the uncertainty of life, appreciate your efforts and progress, enjoy the process of doing things, and cherish the gifts of others.

When you start to look at life with new ideas and perspectives, you'll be amazed at how much better it is!

There are also some great specific methods you can try to reduce your burden! For example, you can regularly reflect on yourself to understand your needs and expectations, so you can avoid setting too high goals for yourself.

And there's more! You can also learn some amazing relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, to help you stay calm and balanced under stress.

And there's more! Communicating with friends and family is also an effective way to relieve stress. Sharing your feelings and confusions with them and listening to their advice and opinions can help you better understand yourself and find solutions to problems.

And finally, don't forget to set aside some time for rest and entertainment! Life is not just about work and study. There are so many wonderful things out there worth exploring and enjoying!

It's only when you truly relax that you're able to face the challenges and pressures of life head-on!

The good news is that we can all reduce our burdens by taking a multi-pronged approach! We can adjust our mindset, change our perspective, learn relaxation techniques, communicate with others, set aside time for rest and entertainment, and so much more. When we do this, we can truly break free from the shackles of our burdens and enjoy the beauty of life!

Hello, dear friend!

I call you this because I used to be like this too, and I know it can be tough.

When good things happen to me, I feel like bad things are waiting for me the next moment, like a relay race of thoughts, where good and bad things keep alternating. It's a funny feeling, isn't it? I used to be quite a prophet, noticing that if I think about bad things, they will happen to me. I felt like I was in a bubble. No one else seemed to think like this, and I was the only one who was so miserable.

Later on, I suddenly woke up when I saw myself and understood myself better. Have you ever wondered what other people think?

I wonder if you ever think about whether other people are suffering? I think that what we see with our eyes and hear with our ears is only limited information.

So, my dear friend, only you can fully understand yourself.

I'd love to share the second thing that's been on my mind. I find human consciousness quite interesting!

For example, if you think of something good, sometimes it does appear, and if you think of something bad, it does appear too. It's like running a race: generally speaking, the direction you start running in, or your inertia, basically determines the result.

So, tell yourself to think more about the good things, and practice, because thinking also has "muscle memory." If you encounter the thought of "alternating between good and bad" again, try to allow such thoughts to exist, because existence is reasonable. You've got this!

And even if it happens, so what? At worst, it's just bad, and at the very worst, it's all bad. But when something good happens, isn't that a gift? And when something bad happens, it may not be bad for you. It is these experiences that make your life unique and rich, and that is the real you!

The third thing is about when someone gives you something nice, but you feel burdened by it and feel like something bad is about to happen again. I'm here to help with the first part, that you feel burdened.

I'd love to know what burden means to you. Do you have any similar scenes from your childhood memories?

To me, a burden means that I have to reciprocate, that I have an additional responsibility. I feel that I am struggling, that I don't want to take on responsibility, or that I am a bad person who is unable to take responsibility. I have to admit to this fact. And you?

And why did someone give you this lovely thing? Is it to burden you?

Or maybe he likes you very much and wants to share it with you? Wait, the answer is different for everyone. Sometimes, you can also try asking the person who gave you a gift to confirm it and hear the other person's answer. Someone who truly loves you will always come for you and make you feel comfortable.

This is a great way to move on from people who don't treat you right or make you feel out of sorts. Spend more time with the people you like and who make you feel at ease. You'll feel more relaxed and happy in no time!

I've got something else I'd love to share with you. Try talking to your thoughts more often. When a negative thought pops up, have a little chat with it. It's been waiting for you to engage with it for a long time.

And, as I mentioned above, please don't hesitate to write them down or send us a private message if you have any questions. We'd love to talk about them together and help you make progress!