36-year-old man, my fault, how can I salvage and repair the intimacy?

Hello, sir! I'm so thrilled to finally meet a husband who is seeking help to repair his relationship.

I've seen firsthand how women can feel when they discover their husband's been unfaithful. It's a tough situation, but I was really happy to see your request for help.

In today's increasingly diverse social landscape, where online communication is more convenient than ever, we're seeing more and more cases of people encountering or being involved in extramarital affairs. Many people choose to ignore it or just tough it out, while others decide to split up. The divorce rate is rising year by year, and the number of troubled youth in single-parent families is also on the rise. This presents an opportunity for growth and change.

You have given me hope! I'm excited to explore this question with you.

It's great that you and your wife are working together to repair your relationship! When couples work towards the same goal, it's a wonderful way to grow together.

"13 years of relationship, 10 years of marriage, because of my infidelity, my wife became severely depressed and her psychological state is very bad." Reading this, I feel a surge of empathy for her. The person who is most deeply hurt in a marriage is often the one who has invested the most in the relationship. This shows how deeply she loves you, how true her love for this family is, and how urgent the motivation to repair the relationship is.

You said, "She is far more powerful than I am, and I have recently felt increasingly powerless." The goal of this help is to give you the strength to heal. I would like to invite you to do a few things quietly, if you are willing, and I know you can do it!

First, take a long, loving look back and remember how you met, what about her touched your heart, and made you go ahead without hesitation and marry her? You have to be careful not to miss any of those heart-stopping moments. It's best to find old photos from the past and take a close look at the way you looked at that time, your shy expressions, your coyness when playing around, or the little gifts you gave each other. Just go over all the scenes that bring back fond memories, and go ahead and stroke her cheek, her eyebrows and eyes, everything about your love for each other...

Second, take a look back at your family life and relive the magic! What are the most memorable events of the past ten years of marriage, both big and small? List them all. There must be sweetness, pain, heartache, and gain. How many of your shared memories can you list? What is it that you have done in this family that has made your wife so dependent on you, admire you, and cannot live without you?

I have no doubt that you're a great guy! Your wife must really love you if she's trying so hard to win you back. You've been through a lot, but you're still standing strong. I know you're a good man, and I'm sure there's someone out there who appreciates you. Having an affair is a mistake, but you can fix it. If you're willing to make things right, there's always a way to work with your wife to start fresh and build a new life together. You've got this!

Third, I suggest you fall in love with her again! This may sound a bit naive, but it is the absolute best medicine for people suffering from depression.

You said, "I desperately want to repair the relationship, but I am always unable to have the strength to motivate her out of her predicament when she is in a low mood. In her words, I can only watch from the edge of the quagmire, but I don't reach out to help her. This kind of bystander makes her even more desperate." I see the reason for your powerlessness, and it's an exciting one! It may be her depression. People with depression inherently feel a strong sense of powerlessness and hopelessness, and low mood is the norm. At this time, as her lover, you have the incredible opportunity to empower her. I think what you can do is to make her fall in love with you again and rely on you. At this moment, you just have to take the plunge and stay with her in the abyss of depression for a while, try to understand her sense of powerlessness and helplessness, and tell her that she has your protection and companionship and will definitely get out of it. And you can also give her little surprises from time to time, just like when you were dating, accompany her to watch movies and do the things she likes. Do you know what she likes best?

Favorite food? Favorite hairstyle?

Favorite game? Go ahead and do what you like most for her! Love is not a declaration, nor a slogan, nor a wait-and-see attitude. It is practical action! The reason she says you are waiting and not reaching out to help her is that you are not putting yourself in her shoes and feeling what she feels. Love is shown through action, so that she can feel it. When you do it, she will perceive it, and her strength will be renewed in your love. In that way, you can not only repair the relationship but also cure her depression. Go for it!

Come on, friend! Let's do this!

The words convey the questioner's profound remorse. It would be beneficial to inquire of the questioner what changes have occurred in the relationship over the past eight months or so since the incident.

Please describe the changes, if any, that have occurred in your shared life and in your respective lives.

"As a result of my infidelity within the marriage, my wife has become severely depressed, and her psychological state is severely compromised. It has been more than eight months since the incident, and we are both attempting to repair the relationship. She is significantly more resilient than I am, and I have recently been experiencing a growing sense of powerlessness." Here, there seems to be a discrepancy in the information being conveyed:

"Because of your infidelity" - it appears that the questioner is the active party, the one with power, while his wife is the passive party, the weak party.

However, the roles of the two parties involved appear to have reversed, with the wife exhibiting greater strength and the husband experiencing a sense of powerlessness.

"I desperately want to repair the relationship." What motivates the questioner's desire to repair the relationship? Is it due to a sense of personal responsibility for the incident? What about the wife? Does she also express a strong desire to repair the relationship?

What, then, are the implications of a swift and successful reconciliation? What benefits might accrue to both parties?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether this is what both parties desire.

"In her words, I can only observe from the periphery, failing to provide assistance. This passive role exacerbates her distress." Do these words of the wife not intensify the questioner's sense of culpability?

"What is the optimal course of action to gain the requisite strength to repair the relationship?" From a systems theory perspective, the presence of problems in any relationship cannot be attributed to a single unilateral "contribution"; rather, both parties must have contributed.

In other words, it appears that your infidelity within the marriage must also be attributed to your wife, and that both of you have collectively contributed to this occurrence as a result of your "cooperation." It is important to note, however, that this does not imply that you did this "deliberately" at the conscious level.

You perceive your wife to be significantly more resilient than you are, which instills a sense of culpability and self-reproach for your inability to provide her with the assistance she requires to overcome her depressive state. It is plausible that your wife is seeking compensation in another form, and you are willing to "atone for your sins" in this manner.

This is yet another "game" that the two of you play together. However, in this instance, the "main character" is the wife.

It would be prudent to slow down, inquire as to the specific ways in which you can assist your wife in extricating herself from this challenging situation, and, in the event that she is unable to identify any such ways, to remain by her side until such time as she is prepared to accept your help or to pursue the matter independently.

I am sincerely convinced that my reply has been helpful in some way. I hope it has been of some assistance.

Good day, To whom it may concern,

From the content of the post, it appears that your infidelity has resulted in your wife developing moderate depression. You are experiencing feelings of self-blame and guilt.

It is understandable that you are feeling helpless and powerless in this situation.

It is evident that you have a strong emotional attachment to your wife. Otherwise, you would not have invested so much effort in seeking assistance. As your wife mentioned

Therefore, it is currently not possible to save the marriage and save her.

Next, we will consider two approaches to repairing your relationship with your wife.

Firstly, with regard to your wife's moderate depression:

I am unaware of the timing of your wife's onset of depression and the extent to which your infidelity may have contributed to it.

If your wife was already experiencing depression prior to your infidelity, and your actions have only exacerbated the situation, then the most pressing issue is

The most pressing issue is to assist her in overcoming her depression.

Individuals experiencing depression often exhibit emotional isolation and social withdrawal due to excessive mental depletion.

Despite your best efforts, it is challenging for her to perceive your emotional involvement.

It is essential to remain by her side, provide positive reinforcement, maintain a warm and persistent attitude, and be patient.

If feasible, you should also oversee her hospitalization and support her throughout her depression treatment, which will facilitate the repair of your relationship.

The process is as follows:

Secondly, the general symptoms are functional. If she attracts your attention and care through depression,

You have identified an effective strategy for strengthening your marriage and relationship. Despite her outward expressions of discontent,

However, she may also derive pleasure from the feeling of being taken care of on a subconscious level.

The crucial point is to ascertain whether you are actively and sincerely caring for her with full attention and whether you are empathizing with her.

Empathy is defined as the ability to place oneself in another's position, to experience the same emotions, and to identify the underlying needs driving those emotions.

I am confident that you can empathize with her perspective, such that she will not perceive you as standing in the mud and looking at her.

Third, it is recommended that you spend quality time together.

Recall the experience that initially attracted her. What actions or statements did you make that prompted her to fall in love with you?

You did not hesitate to marry her.

It would be advisable to rekindle a little romance and a little surprise, and to use your shared interests and the parts of your world views that overlap to...

These shared interests and common ground can help to rekindle her enthusiasm for life, such as traveling together, swimming together, and spending time together reading a book.

It is important to note that if you have a depressive personality, you are more

If you are close to her in personality and have depressive tendencies, you may need to make more of an effort to overcome and cure your depression first.

Otherwise, it may be the case that being together will lead to a worsening of each other's depression.

This is counselor Yao. I will continue to support and care for you.

Hello there!

I'm a mindfulness coach, and I believe that learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can really sense how powerless you feel, how you blame yourself, how anxious you are, how much pain you're in, and how strongly you want to change.

I'm not going to dwell on the difficulties you've had in repairing your relationship. I'd like to offer you three pieces of advice:

First, I suggest you try to understand and accept your current state. I know it can be tough, but I'm here to help!

I know it can be tough, but I promise you it will make your heart feel slightly easier, which will help you think about what to do next.

You mentioned your 13-year relationship with your wife and 10 years of marriage. Unfortunately, because of your infidelity, your wife is severely depressed and in a very bad state. You are both trying to repair the relationship, but you find that you are not as strong as your wife, which makes you feel powerless. You also feel a sense of pain because you are not doing a good job, and your wife is despairing. I can understand your state of mind, because rebuilding a relationship is inherently not an easy task. Since it was your fault, you may be eager to quickly make amends and restore the relationship to the way it was before. However, the more anxious you are about something, the less likely you are to do it well. And since you are not doing a good job, your wife's despair will in turn increase your sense of guilt and powerlessness. I know it's tough, but you need to try to understand and accept yourself. You need to "see" that painful part of yourself that desperately wants to repair the relationship but cannot do so for the time being. This will give you extra mental energy to think about other things. Otherwise, your mind will be filled with all kinds of negative emotions.

It's so important to give yourself the space to understand and accept yourself. This will help you to embrace change and create positive shifts in your current situation. It might seem a little strange, but it's true! Change is all about allowing for new possibilities.

Secondly, I'd like to suggest that you take a moment to view your own state in a rational way.

Because when you think things through, you can really get to know yourself and the world around you better.

To view the situation in a rational way, there are two things you can do:

First, remember that repairing a relationship takes time and should be done slowly and specifically to address the problems in the relationship. It's totally normal to feel anxious, but try not to let it get in the way.

It's totally normal to feel anxious, but try not to let it get in the way of doing a good job. First, take some time to reflect on what went wrong, why you feel so powerless, and why you feel unable to be as strong as your wife. Once you've identified the root cause, you'll be able to guide her through it.

Secondly, remember that you can change the status quo because you are an amazingly capable person!

When you put your heart and soul into it, things will start to change. You'll notice a shift in your relationship with your wife, too. It's so important to believe in yourself and your ability to make things better. Having that unwavering belief will give you the strength you need to keep going.

I really think you should focus on yourself for a while and think about what you can do to feel better.

When you take a step back and look at your situation with a clear head, you might even know what to do. At this point, you focus on yourself and try your best to do a good job.

For instance, you could have a nice chat with your wife to figure out where your sense of powerlessness comes from, why you don't feel as powerful as she does, and what's holding you back. Once you've had a good talk with her, you'll probably find out why. Because fixing a relationship is something you do together, your honest communication with her will not only help you feel more powerful, but also give you a better idea of what to do next.

If you're still struggling to find the strength to heal after a good chat with her, you can always turn to your trusted family and friends or a professional counselor for some extra support. They can help you identify the root cause of your problem and work together to find solutions.

You can also try talking to yourself. Ask yourself more about your true thoughts. When you look inward, you may also understand yourself better. Then you'll know why you're stuck in the same place and find a corresponding strategy. This will also make you feel better. In short, you need to know that you can do something to improve the situation.

I know it can be tough to face our negative emotions, but I promise you, taking action is the best way to slowly start to resolve them. Believe me, I've been there! Sometimes, taking action is the best way to overcome all kinds of negative emotions.

I really hope my answer helps you! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom and we can have a one-on-one conversation.

Given what you've told me, if your wife is diagnosed with severe depression and given your current state of mind, I'd still suggest you find a professional counselor to help you through this tough time.

First, people with depression often have extreme thoughts, poor emotional control, and are overly sensitive. This means that the person supporting them needs to be strong inside, more understanding and tolerant, and emotionally stable, in order to be able to give support and help.

Second, your infidelity in the marriage has hurt your wife's feelings, and that's true. No matter how much you want to change, you can't ignore the fact that time is the best medicine for healing wounds. You can't achieve your goal quickly, and emotions need time to heal.

If one person in the relationship cheats, it not only shows that there's a problem, but it also serves as a reminder that a lot of trust has been lost in an instant. Rebuilding trust is really not something that can be achieved overnight. You have to work hard to give your wife a reason to trust you a little more, but if you can't stand it anymore one day, that trust will be destroyed in an instant.

Rebuilding trust is a challenging process. It requires patience and sincerity. It's not about blind tolerance, compromise, or humility. Doing so may make the other person dwell on the past.

From what you've said, it seems like you still have feelings for each other and still have expectations of each other. Here are a few suggestions:

1) Talk it over and make sure you're both on the same page about working things out. If needed, you can bring in elders who are respected by both sides.

2) Get to know each other's expectations and what both of you are unhappy about in the marriage. What specific actions are you both willing to work towards?

3) Look back at what happened in the past and think about what made the relationship stronger and what might have damaged it.

4) It's okay for your wife to have emotional ups and downs, but you need to learn to stabilize yourself first. The purpose of stability is twofold: first, to be able to bear your wife's emotions, and second, to ensure that a stable you doesn't say things that will hurt the other person.

5) You need to keep working on your mindset. We all make mistakes. If you really want to change, and your wife doesn't forgive you, you should do everything the same as before, and don't let the other person's temporary non-acceptance generate more emotions. [I'm not saying you can't have emotions, but you need to remind yourself from time to time that these emotions can help you restore the relationship. This can easily hurt both parties.

To sum up, this is a tough process. You need to put in the work, but you also need to be smart about it. Get help if you need it.

Good day. I extend my support and understanding with a 360-degree hug.

Firstly, I would recommend that you seek couple or family counseling. In your original question, you stated that your wife is severely depressed (I am unsure if this has been diagnosed by a psychiatrist), that your wife is far stronger than you, that you feel powerless, and that you are keen to repair the relationship.

The issues raised in this forum cannot be resolved through this medium. We therefore recommend that you seek couples or family counseling.

If your wife is not interested in attending, you are welcome to go by yourself. Family counseling does not require the presence of both parties, but it is still hoped that both husband and wife can be present.

Let us consider the reasons why it is so challenging to repair a relationship after infidelity.

Infidelity represents a significant disruption to the other party's life, beliefs, trust, and sense of purpose. The longer the marriage, and regardless of its quality prior to the infidelity, the more profound the impact of the betrayal.

You are now 36 years old, with 13 years of relationship and 10 years of marriage. I believe that for your wife, time is also almost the same, accounting for one-third of her life. Both parties have already established significant interpersonal relationships and accumulated valuable property resources, which means that they are in a challenging situation. They are individuals who can support each other, but in this case, they were betrayed by the person they trusted the most.

This represents a total rejection of the previous life, relationships, and even oneself. It is not an exaggeration to say that the situation has reached a critical point. I can fully understand your wife's severe depression. She may have the ultimate three philosophical questions in her mind: Who am I? Where did I come from? Where am I going?

It is challenging to rebuild one's identity and relationships after such a significant disruption. The process often requires time and effort, and the outcome is not always guaranteed. In the face of such adversity, it is not uncommon for individuals to conceal their pain and continue functioning as if nothing has changed.

However, I anticipate that a portion of my emotional well-being will likely remain impaired.

You have indicated that your wife is a highly influential individual. I am curious to understand what you perceive as the source of her influence. Is it rooted in anger, hatred, or something else? It is also possible that her influence stems from her capacity to support and empower others.

At this juncture, it may be advisable to allow her anger to persist, to withhold forgiveness, and to refrain from attempts at repair. You may be tempted to say, "It's been eight months."

It has been eight months, yet it is evident that she is not prepared to repair the relationship or is hesitant to do so due to the uncertainty of whether she will be subjected to further violence.

I am unaware of the efforts you have made over the past eight months. From your wife's perspective, your efforts have been to observe her difficulties without providing assistance.

However, it seems that you may also be uncertain about how to proceed. You may wish to consider apologizing, writing an undertaking, promising not to hit back or curse, and perhaps other behaviors.

It appears that neither party is willing to repair the relationship.

In the case of trauma, the decision to change is entirely up to the individual. While external support can be beneficial, it is unlikely that external pressure will result in change.

I therefore recommend that you pursue couples counseling or family counseling. This issue cannot be resolved through simple inquiry.

I am a psychologist who has experienced periods of depression and periods of positivity. I have a background in Buddhism and I am committed to helping people.

I can see the sincerity of the original poster's depression/what-if-you-are-always-living-in-the-past-sad-and-remorseful-like-an-empty-heart-disease-23168.html" target="_blank">remorse, guilt, and desire to repair the relationship and cheer up his wife. A Buddhist saying goes: "Turning back is the shore."

Admitting mistakes and being willing to correct them is akin to realizing that one has taken a wrong turn on the journey of life. However, the ability to return to the right path is also a step towards the light.

I would like to kindly ask the questioner to consider the following questions: 1. It has been 8 months since your affair happened. Could it be that it was not a mere coincidence? Perhaps it was the inevitable result of a certain level of accumulated ambiguity?

2. Could I ask whether your wife's depression started after you cheated, or whether it had started long before that?

Could it be that you discovered it after the affair because of your guilt? 3. Have you ever grown tired of your 10-year marriage and 13-year relationship?

Perhaps you are longing for the world outside the besieged city. It would be helpful to know whether your wife can sense this weariness and longing in you.

4. Could I ask whether your wife's severe depression has been treated with the relevant medication and psychological therapy? Is she willing to cooperate?

5. I can see your eagerness to repair the relationship, but I believe that the prerequisite for doing so is for your wife to get out of her depressed state. Once she has done so, I believe that you will be able to repair the relationship. I can understand your eagerness, but have you asked your doctor how long it takes for someone diagnosed with depression to recover?

6. Have you considered how your marriage might continue if your wife is unable to recover? 7. Is your urgency truly about wanting your wife to get better and make up for your own guilt?

Or perhaps you're hoping to quickly resume your previous lifestyle? 8. Even if your wife recovers promptly and you return to your former way of life, it will be a version of it that existed before the affair.

I'm wondering if there might be an issue in your marriage. Have you been able to resolve it?

Perhaps the solution could wait until your wife has recovered? 9. You describe how when your wife was in the mud, you could only stand by and watch, without (here the word used is "without," not "unable."

(This is a subjective opinion.) Reaching out, she feels desperate. 10. Have you communicated well? You have been trying to repair things, so it's understandable why she might feel desperate.

Could it be that your efforts don't seem like efforts to her? If so, it's possible that you have different perceptions of events because expectations of a matter differ, which could result in inconsistent feelings towards the process and the result. If you've lost the ability to empathize with each other, it could lead to a significant challenge in your marriage.

I believe you are a responsible man, which is why you have come for help. Perhaps it would be beneficial for you and your wife to seek counseling from a psychologist at the same time.

It may be the case that the issues you are facing are not immediately apparent to you both. A counselor could help you identify these problems and suggest ways to address them. I hope you are able to find the strength to get through this challenging period and move forward together.

Let me be clear: what we hate and cannot forgive most in a marriage is not the infidelity itself. Rather, the infidelity proves that our relationship is not good, that you and I are not good, and that I am not good.

We can forgive past infidelity, but we cannot believe in a future free from it.

This is the problem that needs to be fixed to prevent cheating. We must repair the other person's sense of value.

When we encounter infidelity, the other party almost always says, "Was I not good enough? Did I do something unacceptable that made you cheat?"

There are only two possibilities: zero times or countless times of cheating.

You don't have to emphasize that you did enough. You don't have to emphasize that you didn't force your partner to cheat. Cheating is a powerful way to negate someone's sense of value.

From your description, it's clear you've tried to prove to yourself you won't cheat again. But you haven't repaired the emotional value of the other person.

You haven't changed the core issue between you, which is why you cheated.

If you don't discover the core problem of your infidelity, you will believe that you will commit infidelity in the future.

We must find a goal to deal with this core issue, and we must find a goal we can believe in.

Then go and make it clear to your lover that he is the most important person. In the past, you had to face the negative consequences of your infidelity.

It is also crucial to accept your loved one's current negative emotions. He must have a process of venting, and during this process of venting, it is essential to accept him well and take good care of him.

This is the only way he'll be able to truly understand your feelings for him. If you choose to leave because you feel his overwhelming negativity, it will only lead to despair for the other person.

You cannot trust your feelings of despair.

If you need help, talk to me. I'll give you advice and counseling.

I want you to be happy. I really do.

Good day, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing in response to your recent query. Kind regards,

I am pleased to have this opportunity to meet with you.

It has been more than eight months since your wife became depressed after discovering your infidelity. You have been attempting to repair the relationship, but you have consistently felt powerless, unable to motivate her, let alone know how to motivate her. There is no need for concern. Let me offer you a reassuring gesture first. Everything will be fine.

I appreciate your feelings of love and guilt regarding your wife's situation. It is understandable that you are experiencing pressure due to your wife's current suffering and the challenge of determining how to provide assistance.

Firstly, in light of the professional diagnosis already received, it is of the utmost importance to adhere to the prescribed medication schedule. Once this is done, we can then implement other methods as adjuvant therapy.

Secondly, depression is a vicious cycle in which mental causes trigger varying degrees of somatic symptoms, which in turn increase the psychological burden. Therefore, some changes must be made to break previous habits, such as alleviating somatic symptoms.

It is recommended that you engage in regular exercise, including walking and sunbathing, and make adjustments to your diet. Additionally, it is important to monitor and record any physical symptoms, such as sleep patterns, gastrointestinal reactions, and unexplained pain, as they may vary from one another. Based on these observations, you can make necessary adjustments to your routine.

The most crucial aspect to address is the tendency to observe from the periphery without offering assistance. This passive approach can exacerbate the situation, making it more challenging to provide the support your wife requires. I believe this is the core issue you need to address.

Your wife is in need of your support, and you are motivated to provide it. However, you are unable to do so.

It is evident that there are communication issues, which indicates that you are not communicating in a manner that is effective for her.

Regarding the specifics of how to proceed and what to say, it is not a matter that can be adequately addressed in a few words. Moreover, it requires a more comprehensive understanding of your wife's circumstances. I recommend that you pursue counseling for couples, family, or as an individual.

Professional assistance is often the most efficient and effective method for resolving issues. Attempting to navigate challenges independently can impede progress.

As an enthusiastic answerer and listening teacher at Yixinli, I am dedicated to acquiring knowledge to navigate life and distilling experience to assist others. I am confident that I can be of service to you.

Hello, question asker. I can relate to your feelings of powerlessness and guilt.

Due to your infidelity, your wife has experienced severe depression, and you are now seeking to express your remorse and provide support to help her recover. Over time, your feelings have evolved from initial guilt to a stronger sense of powerlessness.

If I might, I would like to discuss two points: firstly, that the emotional needs of boys and girls are different, and secondly, what we can do at this moment in time.

I believe it is important to consider the emotional needs of boys and girls.

It is important to recognize that men and women have different emotional needs and that the way they experience love varies. For a man to feel loved by a woman, he needs to feel trusted, accepted, recognized, appreciated, admired, and encouraged by her.

It would be beneficial to consider that boys will feel the love of girls and will be devoted to them. Girls are different. It may be helpful to understand that only when they receive love, understanding, respect, loyalty, consideration, and a sense of security from boys will

It is possible that girls may feel the love of boys and follow a boy steadfastly.

If you would like to make up for your wife and be better together, you might consider catering to her preferences and giving her care, understanding, loyalty, respect, thoughtfulness, and a sense of security. This could be especially beneficial given that your wife is in her current state.

In the meantime, there are a few things we could consider doing.

Given my wife's current state, I believe it would be beneficial for her to seek the guidance of professional doctors and psychological counselors in addition to the support of our family. A three-pronged approach could prove more effective, help my wife recover more quickly, and allow us to resume our normal lives sooner.

If I might make a suggestion, you could also benefit from learning some professional knowledge about how to accompany and care for people with depression. I believe this would be a valuable addition to your skills. By learning, you can gain a deeper understanding of the situation.

My wife and I have been together for 13 years, and I have been married to her for 10 years. I have been unfaithful to her, and as a result, she has become severely depressed. It has been more than eight months since the incident, and we have been trying to repair the relationship. She is much stronger than I am, and I have recently been feeling more and more powerless. I am determined to repair the relationship, but I am unable to motivate her when she is in a low mood. In her words, I can only watch from the edge of the quagmire, but I don't reach out to help her. This kind of bystander makes her even more desperate. I need to have the strength to repair it.

Hello, host. I am Xianer. I have read your confession three times and I understand how you feel now. Your 10-year-old peaceful married life was broken by your one-time depression/discovering-my-husbands-infidelity-im-at-a-loss-as-to-what-to-do-feeling-deeply-distressed-13407.html" target="_blank">infidelity. After your wife found out, she couldn't accept it anymore and became depressed. Now you want to make amends, but you see that she is seriously depressed and seems unable to recover. Take her to a psychological counseling session to help her unload her emotions.

The foundation of your 13-year relationship is very stable, and you have been very happy in your 10-year marriage. You cheated because something happened in your lives.

Now, let your wife calm down and communicate with her properly to obtain her forgiveness. No matter how a marriage is repaired after a breakup, there will always be a crack. Once you have obtained your wife's forgiveness, let time heal the crack.

If it works, leave a comment for me.

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

The questioner's confessions and suffering show that decades are not enough time to live. A 13-year relationship and a 10-year marriage should have been happy, but the questioner was unfaithful. Problems in a marriage affect both people. Perhaps the questioner and his wife's relationship was problematic for over ten years, but you ignored it.

In a relationship, there are periods of intense love, calm, adjustment, weariness, and stability. When we enter the period of stability, life may be dull, but we are also used to the person by our side.

Is the problem fixed?

The questioner's wife became depressed after he was unfaithful. Her emotions built up over time. Maybe she had always had emotional problems, but he didn't notice. Looking back, was there anything unusual about her emotions?

If the wife feels ignored, she is unhappy. You have not communicated. This incident caused the wife's emotions to collapse.

The methods the questioner said he tried to fix the problem with are unclear, but they were not very effective. Has the questioner considered that he was using the wrong methods?

Behind the emotions

The questioner tried to make amends, but the wife was still angry and said he was watching her from the sidelines. Two things were clear: the wife blames the questioner for everything and doesn't want to get out of this situation. When she's not willing to cooperate, it's hard to help her.

The questioner doesn't know much about his wife. When someone goes from being emotionally stable to severely depressed, it's a huge blow. It's unlikely the wife will trust the questioner again. Without him, she'll be unable to control her negative emotions.

The wife's resentment and hatred for the questioner is also behind this emotion. She is unwilling to let go, and hatred will not help her recovery.

Method

Depression is serious. Family members should be there for her. When she is alone, she might say hurtful things or hurt herself. Her emotions control her thoughts.

1. Get professional help. Medication and family support aren't enough for severe depression. The wife needs a counselor to help her see the real problems. Use medication, counseling, etc. together. It will work if you stick with it.

2. Be more attentive. Seeing your wife like this, I believe it is not easy for you either. Your wife is too resentful to let go of the things that matter to her, which has made her road to recovery more difficult. At present, you are also limited. While you are giving your wife company, you are easily affected by her emotions. You can learn more about depression so that you can understand that it should not be taken lightly. You can learn how to better give your wife company so that you can pull her out of the quagmire.

3. Needs: Everyone has needs. I planted some plants. Some need sunlight, while others don't. If we keep the plants that need sunlight indoors, they will wither. The same goes for people. When our needs are met, we can heal. The questioner can communicate with his wife to find out what her needs are.

4. Go out: People suffer because they can't let go. Pain is a biological factor, and suffering causes many depressive emotions. Nature helps us cope. The questioner can take his wife out and expose her to nature to help her feel better.

I hope this helps. Best wishes.

Hello, friend! I am Yi Xin psychology answerer, Destruction and Regeneration. I am honored to be able to connect with you on the Yi Xin platform, and I am certain that my words will bring you sunshine and warm your heart.

First, I see your remorse and sense of powerlessness in trying to repair the relationship. Let me give you a warm hug.

You must look within yourself to find the answer. You cannot give to others what you do not have within yourself. You cannot lead your wife out of her predicament if you cannot do it yourself. Focus on improving yourself. Once you have improved yourself, your wife will naturally feel it.

Second, your wife has developed severe depression because of your infidelity. This shows that she still loves you! If she didn't love you, she wouldn't be depressed because of your infidelity.

If she doesn't love you, why would she be desperate because you "can't help her"? This is a kind of "hate born out of love" on her part!

You still care a lot about your wife and want to repair your relationship with her. However, she feels despair towards you and your sense of powerlessness, which means she doesn't feel your love.

There is a serious lack of understanding of the "language of love" between you. You are both loving each other according to your own understanding of love, which is why you are unable to receive each other's love and both sides end up feeling aggrieved and unappreciated. This is also the root of the problem with your intimacy and your infidelity.

Your marriage will only be saved if you fundamentally resolve this issue between you.

To solve your problem, I'm going to need you to answer the following questions.

1. What was the pattern of your relationship with your wife before you became unfaithful? What conflicts existed between you and your wife in terms of values, communication, and behavior?

I'd like you to give me a specific example of how they affected your infidelity.

2. Tell me what you did to repair your relationship during your wife's depression. And tell me what she said in response.

Give me an example.

3. Your wife needs to show you her love. You need to show her yours.

I understand that this is a personal matter and I respect your wishes.

Hello! I can tell from your text that you and your wife really value this relationship.

Eight months after the incident, the husband had an affair, and the wife became depressed. But both husband and wife are trying to repair their relationship, and they're making progress!

The words reveal the questioner's inner feelings of being incredibly complex, as if there's so much going on inside!

0. You're doing everything you can to help your wife overcome her severe depression.

The OP can absolutely try to understand this! We're not professionals, but we can still offer some helpful advice. Even if we were, we'd still need to seek the advice of other doctors if a relative or loved one falls ill. What the OP can do is also a part of the solution, which is about 25%! Nourish your wife with love, take care of and accompany her, be critical of yourself, and don't over-demand of yourself. This will only push you over the edge and be detrimental to your wife's condition.

Severe depression requires a professional diagnosis and medication (please take your wife to the doctor in time to take her medication on time) + exercise and diet + nourishment from the love of your family + counseling as prescribed by the doctor to help release the inner blockages, all four working together. This is the path to recovery!

1. Seeing your wife's depression makes you feel heartbroken

After 13 years of marriage, watching your wife's illness is incredibly difficult and heartbreaking. But there's hope! We venture to guess that your wife's encounter with the "affair" incident is also the case. She may not want to face this for the time being, and she might be temporarily unable to deal with it mentally. But she'll get through it! She's not using the so-called "depression" to prove your relationship. She's just taking a moment to recharge. This needs to be done slowly. At this moment, the husband should be quiet and let the wife be at peace.

2. Your wife's depression is accompanied by your self-blame. This is an opportunity for you to take control of your thoughts and emotions!

Your wife's depression has worsened due to your self-blame. But don't worry! I've got some great advice for you. Forgiveness is the key to moving forward. You've already done so much to support your wife through this difficult time. And remember, this affair and your wife's depression are a test of your relationship from heaven. A good couple is not one that never quarrels or encounters crises. It's one that can repair the relationship together with a united heart after quarrels and crises. Marriage is free, and we can also think about this matter from a perspective that is best for both people. Sometimes taking a step back and making room for each other can also be a direction to try. You've got this!

There may be other attempts, and the questioner can try to think for themselves. This matter needs to be taken slowly and carefully, and I know you can do it!

3. Self-pressure generated by the urgent need to repair the relationship

The more urgent the questioner relies on it, the closer he may be. Perhaps there is a possibility that the questioner's wife will feel pressure, and the questioner himself will also feel more and more pressure. It seems that subconsciously, the questioner's wife may not yet have the heart to deal with and face your so-called "affair," but that just means there's room for improvement!

4. It seems that you cannot be felt together with your wife in her words — but you can!

It seems that the wife feels that the questioner is a bystander, but that's about to change!

This statement makes the wife feel very lonely. But there's hope!

When your wife is feeling better, it's a great time for the questioner to express their remaining love for their wife and their concerns about their wife's illness.

You can do this! The pressure to repair the situation and your own guilt and self-blame can be overwhelming, but you can get through it. Try to talk to your wife openly.

Sincerity is the only magic weapon, and true love is the best medicine in the world!

I really, really hope that everything works out for the original poster and his wife! I really hope that she gets well soon!

A heartfelt congratulations to all the lovers in the world who will eventually become family!

Good day, my name is Wang Haimin, and I am a psychological counselor.

From what I can gather from your account, your infidelity has had a significant impact on your wife, resulting in a profound emotional distress. During this challenging period, it is natural for both of you to experience a range of intense emotions, and the family dynamic may also be affected by this infidelity. It is important to recognize that this incident has the potential to alter the course of your lives in ways that are yet to be fully realized.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a moment to consider the situation from your perspective.

It seems that you are eager to repair the relationship and make your wife feel loved, valued, and cared for again. Could I ask why you feel so urgent about this? Is it because you see that your wife is in a bad way and depressed?

It seems that you are eager to repair the relationship and make your wife feel loved, valued, and cared for again. Could I ask what the situation is that makes you feel this urgency? Is it because you see that your wife is in a bad state and is depressed?

If your wife displays a lot of depressive symptoms after your infidelity, such as crying and not speaking, and you feel that she is not well when you see this, and want her to return to her normal state of mind as before, perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether this wish is entirely realistic. After being hurt, your wife will undoubtedly suffer a mental blow and experience some symptoms.

I believe these conditions are normal and indicate that the incident has caused her significant distress and difficulty coping. It may be challenging for her to resume her previous way of living.

From your description, it seems like you're hoping her behavior will return to the way it used to be, that she won't have emotional breakdowns, and that she won't be in a low emotional state. It's understandable that you want to correct her and help her get back on track.

Perhaps it would be helpful to accept your wife's emotional reactions as a first step in repairing the relationship. These emotional reactions are normal, and it is necessary to gradually calm down during the mourning process.

If you do not accept these emotional reactions, it may be perceived as a rejection of the hurt your wife has suffered and her pain.

In such instances, you might consider trying this approach to see if it helps her feel better.

1. It might be helpful to accompany her in her pain. Perhaps you don't need to say much, just hug her. It could be beneficial to accompany her in her emotional reactions. It's probably best not to negate, correct, or rush, but rather to silently accompany her.

2. It might be helpful to take her out for a walk every day, expose her to more external environments and stimuli, and increase the good experiences you have together.

3. It would be beneficial to offer an apology at the appropriate time, and you may wish to consider what form of compensation you could provide, so that your wife feels that the harm she has suffered can be compensated for in some way, and her heart is filled with some sense of contentment.

4. Try to give her what you can on a daily basis to meet her daily expectations of you. For example, if she wants to go shopping with you, you could take her out shopping; if she wants to chat with you, you could chat with her, and so on.

5. It would be more helpful to say something comforting and reassuring, rather than simply telling her not to be sad. Telling her not to be sad may not be the most helpful thing to do in this situation.

It would be beneficial to acknowledge and accept her pain.

6. It is important to remember that repeated emotional reactions are a normal part of the healing process in a relationship.

If things improve rapidly, it may be an unusual occurrence. How might we address this so that it doesn't happen again?

If your wife's reaction is not repeated and she quickly returns to normal, it may be a sign that her feelings for you are not as strong as they could be.

Secondly, I believe it would be beneficial to discuss the situation from the wife's perspective.

Could you please clarify whether the infidelity was an isolated incident or part of a long-term relationship?

It is important to remember that an occasional affair is not the same as a continuous one.

From this incident, the wife will likely have some feelings and thoughts about your feelings for her. You might ask her how she assesses and judges your feelings.

Perhaps you are asking yourself how you can better understand and perceive infidelity.

Your infidelity may be perceived as a betrayal by your wife, and she may have a range of emotions and thoughts about it.

If it is feasible, you might consider arranging for her to see a counselor, so that she can talk about it. This could be beneficial for her in a couple of ways: on the one hand, she can express her feelings; on the other, she will feel seen and understood, and it will help her analyze and sort out the changes in your relationship.

You might also consider couples therapy, where you can talk to each other honestly, look at the development of your relationship, and work on ensuring that similar incidents do not occur in the future.

It is possible that, following this incident, the wife may experience a loss of trust, which may take some time to rebuild.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the following:

Perhaps what the wife needs most at the moment is someone who can accept her pain, someone with whom she can talk about her pain and who can understand her.

It would be beneficial for her to see real changes in you. If you remain the same, it might be challenging for her to feel at ease.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider some ways to repair the relationship.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that repairing a relationship takes time. It seems that the repair of a relationship is related to personality, values, the quality of past relationships, and expectations for the future.

It is important to understand that repairing a relationship takes time. The repair of a relationship is related to a number of factors, including personality, values, the quality of past relationships, and expectations for the future.

It might be helpful to calm down and focus on repairing the relationship. With time and effort, it is possible to repair a relationship.

I wish you the best in your endeavors.

Dear Sir/Madam, Thank you for your question. Best regards,

It is challenging to provide comprehensive advice on repairing a relationship in a limited description. However, I am available for a discussion to explore potential solutions when you feel powerless and guilty about this.

Recovery from traumatic events can take a significant amount of time.

As you mentioned, your wife has been in relationships for 13 years and married for 10 years. She has trusted and loved you since she was 23. The sudden infidelity that occurred eight months ago was a significant traumatic experience for her. When people suffer a serious blow, they will initially be shocked, then in denial, then angry or depressed, and finally adjust and accept the situation.

It appears that your wife is still in a depressed state and has not yet entered the adjustment period. Therefore, regardless of your desire to resume the previous status quo, it is essential to be patient and allow sufficient time for the process to unfold. As a friendly reminder, this period may extend beyond your expectations, so it is advisable to be prepared.

It would be beneficial for you to assist your wife in expressing her anger.

In your previous correspondence, you indicated that your wife is "severely depressed." Please clarify whether this is a subjective description of her condition or a professional diagnosis from a medical facility. If it is the latter, we recommend that you accompany your wife for professional psychological treatment, which may include medication and counseling.

If the former is the case, that is, if your wife is in a depressed state for an extended period, it is also a priority. It is likely to result in issues with diet and sleep, which in turn affect physical health. Your wife's depressed state may stem from the excessive suppression of anger. When she is unable to release it outwardly and cannot attack you, she may turn inward and attack herself.

Her despair includes both her disappointment in you and her disappointment in herself. If you can assist her in releasing her pent-up negative emotions, it will help her to feel better.

It should be noted that repairing emotions is a lengthy and challenging process.

You have demonstrated the strength to admit your own shortcomings and the determination to repair a seriously damaged relationship. However, you have also mentioned a sense of powerlessness.

In fact, that is the feeling of not being able to satisfy the desire to be punished after "making a mistake." Typically, if an apology is issued for an action that was deemed inappropriate and the other party accepts the apology, the matter is considered resolved.

In the event of a more serious mistake, swift and decisive action will be taken, accompanied by a reduction in feelings of guilt and self-blame. You have indicated that your wife is currently in a more powerful position. It is important to address this and take steps to ensure a more balanced dynamic. This requires facing the situation head-on, accepting the other person's emotions, and maintaining continuous communication.

In conclusion, it is essential to recognize that the original poster must take control of the situation and seize the initiative in order to achieve a positive outcome.

Ultimately, it is my hope that the original poster will take control of their marriage and that the obstacles will clear to reveal a positive outcome.

Hello, questioner!

The age of 36 is a big turning point for many people. As a post-80s generation, your adolescence and gradual formation of outlook on life, values, and sense of right and wrong took place during the period of China's reform and opening up. This means you will definitely be impacted and influenced by the times, and your views on marriage concepts are different from those of your parents and post-70s generation. This difference is not only reflected in ideology, but also in behavior. Therefore, your infidelity in marriage is not an isolated case, but this phenomenon cannot be an excuse for your cheating.

I say this to let us know that as social individuals, what we do will be more or less marked by an era. It's so helpful to understand the background of an era, don't you think? It can really help us better understand and recognize ourselves!

You've been together for 13 years, so you really know each other well. That's why your marriage is focused on management. It's not just about you as individuals, but also about the system. You're a system in which you influence and empower each other.

It's so important for a couple to be on the same page. When they are, they can achieve great things together!

As you can see from your account, you both perceive this. It's so great that you're trying to repair the relationship!

In the system, you feel that your wife is stronger than you, and you increasingly feel a sense of powerlessness. You are desperate to improve the relationship because you feel guilty, my friend.

The good news is that you both want to repair the relationship. In the system, you behave differently.

You really want to repair the intimacy, but it seems like your wife is stuck in a rut emotionally.

Your wife says that you seem to be a bystander, watching her sink into the quagmire without reaching out to pull her out. It's so hard when you feel like your attitude makes her feel desperate. And it's totally understandable that you don't know what to do in the face of your wife's state.

I know you're trying to be a savior, but remember, a marriage is a relationship that the two people in it work on together.

It's also a great idea to show your wife that you care about her feelings. Let her know you're there for her and that you're willing to listen to her. Give her the space to go out and do things she enjoys. And don't forget to praise her for the things she does well.

Spend more time with your wife, create a romantic atmosphere, spend weekends together, and even if your wife is in a low mood, don't show anxiety or unease. It's okay! You can take a different perspective, allow your wife to be in this state, and use your gentleness and consideration to warm and embrace her. Share more interesting stories from outside, report on your work and doings for the day, so that she can feel everything about you and know everything about you.

As you work on repairing your relationship, just be yourself, be a good husband with the heart of a first love, communicate more with your wife, talk about your thoughts and feelings during this period of time, and with heartfelt communication, you say your relationship can't be good?

I really hope this advice helps you. I wish you a happy family and a loving marriage!

I'm Chu Mingdeng, and I just want to say that I love you, the world, and you!

It is evident from your description that you and your wife have been together for 13 years and married for 10 years. From this, it is clear that you have a strong bond and mutual respect. However, your wife's decision to end the relationship after learning about your infidelity indicates that your actions have caused her to feel insecure. The challenge you currently face is how to rebuild trust and intimacy in your relationship. It is crucial to understand that providing emotional value to your wife is essential for repairing the damage caused by your infidelity. This requires open communication and a willingness to explore new ways of interacting. It is important to note that your wife's emotional state is a significant factor in the success of your efforts. If she is unable to move past her feelings of insecurity, it will be challenging for you to repair the relationship. It is also important to recognize that your situation may not be salvageable. Despite your desire to remain together, the reality is that your actions have caused irreparable damage. In such cases, it is often necessary to move on from a relationship that is no longer healthy. While being together may have its own challenges, it is not a substitute for a truly fulfilling relationship. Letting go, even if it means facing the pain of separation, can be a form of love and self-care.

Naturally, if it is feasible for you to continue your relationship, that would be the optimal outcome.

I wish you the best of luck.

It is disconcerting to observe the alterations in the status of your relationship. You are currently in your thirties and have been together for over a decade. A decade of marriage is a considerable length of time, and one might inquire as to the number of decades in a lifetime. Prolonged cohabitation may have fostered a profound comprehension of each other's personalities.

However, life is replete with unforeseen circumstances that can profoundly impact individuals. For instance, marital infidelity can inflict significant emotional distress. A spouse's betrayal can lead to a profound sense of betrayal, causing the betrayed partner to experience intense feelings of sadness, anger, and despair. These emotions can manifest in various ways, including a loss of interest in daily activities, a decline in physical health, and a tendency to isolate oneself from others.

In the event that your wife has been diagnosed with depression, it is imperative that she be admitted to a medical facility for a comprehensive evaluation and treatment plan. As you have indicated in your account, your wife is currently experiencing a severe depressive episode. Additionally, the incident that precipitated the dissolution of your marriage may have occurred at least eight months ago, suggesting that there may be a multitude of unresolved issues and emotional challenges that have accumulated during this period.

It may be advisable to focus on resolving the crisis in the relationship. It would be beneficial for both parties to undergo psychological counseling for marriage counseling. It would be helpful to ascertain the reason behind the marital infidelity. Was it due to a lack of interest in the spouse, or was there another underlying cause?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether your wife's depression was directly caused by these events.

If this is indeed the case, it is imperative that the matter be made more transparent. It is crucial to speak up and address the issue rather than keeping it inside, as the cost of marital infidelity has become exceedingly low in the current era.

Furthermore, the divorce rate in contemporary society is notably high. If both parties are amenable to salvaging their marriage, the probability of success may be somewhat enhanced.

Furthermore, it is essential to pledge that such a misstep will not be repeated. A comprehensive examination of the underlying causes is also necessary. Was there a deeply hidden secret, or were external factors at play?

All of these factors require thorough examination. It is imperative that the two parties reside together and provide unwavering support and understanding, as well as monitoring each other's actions. Previously, the individual could only observe from the periphery, which caused significant distress. Currently, it is essential to allocate more time together and demonstrate exemplary conduct to facilitate reconciliation. Enhancing intimacy through counseling is crucial. Best wishes for success.

Please clarify.

Hello, questioner! I'm Jiang 61, and I'm here to help in any way I can.

Thank you so much for trusting us with your story. We're here to help you and your loved one find a way out of the shadow of her depression. It's clear that you're feeling a bit powerless and that you're blaming yourself for your own mistakes. If you want your loved one to find a way out of the shadow, you've got to free yourself first.

1. Let's start with your innermost feelings.

1. Psychological state

We've been together for 13 years, and married for 10. Unfortunately, my infidelity in the marriage has led to my wife developing severe depression, which has taken a toll on her mentally. It's been over 8 months since the incident, and we've been trying our best to repair the relationship.

Your wife has developed a severe depression due to your infidelity, and her psychological state is very poor. I'm sure you can imagine how you yourself feel when you see her condition. It's only natural to feel anxious and worried when your wife has been ill for more than 8 months, and you have both been trying to repair your relationship.

2. Feelings

She's stronger than I am, and I've been feeling a bit powerless recently. I really want to repair our relationship, but I'm not sure how to help her get out of this low mood. From what she says, I'm just watching from the sidelines, but I'd love to reach out and support her.

You

At first, I wasn't sure what you meant when you said she is far more powerful than you. But after reading it a few times, I got it! You meant that she always stays in her depressed state and can't get out of it. You've tried so many things to get her out of her depressed state, but it has always been ineffective, which makes you feel powerless.

My dear,

It seems like she feels like you're just watching from the edge of the quagmire and not reaching out to help her when she's feeling depressed. It's so sad because she needs your support, but you're just bemoaning it. I know you care about her, but you could do more to show it.

She sees your state as a bystander, which makes her feel even more desperate.

3. Needs and expectations

Oh, sweetheart, it's so hard when we can't see what someone else needs. I can tell you're struggling to understand her, but I'm here to help.

From your story, it seems like you and your partner don't see eye to eye on how to fix things and help her feel better. It's clear that you don't fully understand her needs and expectations, and your efforts aren't always what she needs or expects. So, from her point of view, you're just standing by, watching from the sidelines without offering a helping hand.

It's so sad to see how your failure to understand her feelings and actions has left her feeling desperate and unable to escape her depressed state.

Her psychology has been accurately described by her, but you still seem a little unsure of how to interpret it. You are unable to give her the kind of support she needs, and you can sense that you are always living up to your own expectations.

Oh, dear.

What are you hoping for from your wife? I get the feeling that you'd like her to get out of her depressed state as soon as possible and feel less guilty. And you'd also like to give her as much love as possible and return to the way you used to love each other. So, what are you hoping for from yourself? I think you'd like to prove with practical actions that you can be a good husband.

All of these things are just your thoughts during and after interactions. It's not your place to judge them as right or wrong. The important thing to remember is that you can't understand each other yet, and you haven't formed an unspoken understanding.

2. Reason

1. There's an insurmountable gap.

It's so hard when there's an insurmountable gap between you and your loved one. It can feel like there's no way to bridge the divide. It's natural to feel this way.

In your wife's eyes, she might feel like she's stuck in a time loop, reliving the moments when you were unfaithful. She may not fully grasp the reasons behind your infidelity, and she's trying to understand your inner world. When she can't fully connect with you, it's natural for her to retreat into her own world.

I know it can be tough, but I'm here to help. Let's try to divide this into smaller steps.

Depression is also an emotion, and this emotion is linked to her childhood life, making her think of various past life situations. The repeated scenes make her feel uneasy and form an enduring chasm.

When your wife is always immersed in her own world, it's because she's in that deep, dark chasm. She can't escape on her own, poor thing.

2. Guilt

It's totally normal to feel guilty in your interactions with your wife. She can sense it, too. I get the feeling that your wife is sensitive and worried. She's trying her best to read your subtle expressions and guess your true feelings for her.

Because she wants to know your true heart, and because she is linked to her past childhood experiences, her heart is constantly torn between feeling that you are having difficulty entering her world and pulling her across the chasm. It's time to start a new life together!

You've got to get over your own sense of guilt first, then you need to see what she's expecting, treat her with a brand new attitude, show her your enthusiasm and sincerity, so that she can let go and stop being constantly torn apart. Once you've done all that, your new beginning can begin.

3. Repair

1. Find expectations

In real life, our minds can come up with all kinds of expectations. These can be about ourselves, about other people, or even about how other people see us. It's not uncommon for these expectations to become part of our own beliefs.

Now, let's talk about your own expectations.

It would be really helpful for you to find out what your wife is hoping for. She's already told you that you can only stand by the edge of the quagmire and watch her sink in, without pulling her up.

The quagmire is her way of describing her current situation, and her hope is to find a way out. She's longing for a genuine, loving connection.

It's so important to remember that your self-expectations should be to change for the better and to be a good husband who is loyal to his duties. It's also really helpful to try to reduce the harm you do to your wife so that she can get better as soon as possible.

It's so important to think about what others expect of you.

It's so important to remember that your wife needs your love and support to help her move past the shadows. This shadow isn't just about what happened between you, but also about the impressions left on her from her childhood. The best way you can help her truly come out of the shadows is by completely erasing the past and lending her a helping hand.

It's so important to understand your expectations of her.

It's totally understandable to want your wife to get out of her depression as soon as possible. You've already done so much to help her, and it's clear that she needs more time to heal. It's natural to feel a bit helpless and anxious when you're waiting for results.

2. Let go of your anxiety, my friend.

Seeing

From your wife's current state, you can see how deeply your actions have hurt her. You yourself have felt it deeply, and this is the driving force that inspires you to change your ways and re-establish intimacy.

Let it go, my friend.

Seeing is about getting yourself out of anxiety and your wife out of depression. It's so important to remember that depression, especially severe depression, takes a long time to heal. You've got this! You just need to be patient and help your wife come out of it little by little.

Right now, your wife's expectations and your expectations aren't quite aligned. When she doesn't see hope, she'll hesitate to come out of her shell and be afraid to come out. But when your expectations are aligned with her expectations, she'll feel at ease moving past the past.

So, the first thing you need to do is let go of your anxiety. Give yourself the gift of a calm mind. When you're calm, she'll feel calm. When you're anxious, she'll feel uneasy.

3. Sincerity for sincerity

Give her what she needs, my friend.

Your main task now is to understand her needs and expectations, adjust your own mentality, and follow in her footsteps. I wish I could tell you exactly what she's thinking, but I can only speculate. The best thing you can do is communicate with each other to understand each other's state of mind.

When you understand what she really wants and you give her what she needs, she'll be so happy! She'll extend her hand of trust to you, come closer to you, and rely on your strength to help her out of the quagmire.

Let's be sincere with each other, shall we?

The so-called "sincerity in return for sincerity" is all about using your sincerity and love to warm her cold heart. It's so important to experience her feelings with all your heart, understand her mood, and give her the help she wants.

Let her experience your heart and feel your love. Let her see how much you care and melt her heart. She'll be ready to have loving interactions with you and step out of the shadows of the past.

4. Re-run the marriage!

Marriage is all about loving each other. Love starts with interaction, and it is expressed through both verbal and non-verbal means. Love has the power to melt everything and turn distrust into trust.

We all have our own unique understanding of love, and the ways we express and receive it are as diverse as we are! Dr. Gary Chapman has come up with a helpful way to categorize the different ways we show and receive love. He calls these the "languages of love." There are five main ones: "affirming words," "quality time," "exchange of gifts," "acts of service," and "physical touch."

Affirming words are so important in any relationship!

It doesn't matter if you're friends, colleagues, lovers, or husband and wife — you need praise and affirmation! And giving more positive feedback can really deepen your relationship.

Special moments are so important in any relationship!

A thoughtful moment is a wonderful moment and a wonderful memory shared by both of you. It could be a candlelit dinner or doing something meaningful together. During this time, give your full attention to the other person.

I think you have had such happy moments in the past. Just think back to those times and bring those feelings back to life. Let your heart be full of those wonderful memories and feel those feelings again.

When someone gives you a gift, it's always a lovely thing to accept.

Exchanging gifts on important holidays is a lovely, ritualistic thing to do. It's a wonderful way to create a bond between you and your partner.

If your wife loved the gift, you might want to choose an important holiday or a day that's special to you both to exchange gifts again to show your love.

Service action

In a nutshell, they do whatever their partner wants them to do and make them happy by serving them in any way they can. These acts of service are often the little things that make a big difference in a relationship.

Think back to all those lovely things you did that made your wife happy. Keep doing them to show her how much you value her!

Physical contact is a wonderful way to show love and affection for each other. It's a beautiful form of communication that speaks volumes without even saying a word.

Holding hands, hugging, and other forms of physical contact can increase affection for each other, which is a wonderful way to show love. Physical contact is the most common and most effective way to express love.

Physical contact can be a great way to stimulate a hormonal rush and really get those emotions running high! Lots of couples try to heal their cold hearts with physical contact.

5. Be open!

They embrace the past and their true thoughts, and they open their inner world to the other person. Only by speaking out can they understand each other's thoughts and feelings, and truly let go of everything, including unhappy past and present events.

Open-mindedness requires congruent communication. This just means that when you communicate with another person, the verbal and non-verbal messages you convey are consistent with your inner feelings.

In congruent communication, we give our full attention to the self, the other, and the situation. People in this model are aware of themselves and speak with inner harmony and balance, and they have a high sense of self-worth.

Let's look at some common sentence patterns:

When you do this, it'll make her really happy!

It's so important to describe the objective situation without any accusations or emotions.

I'm feeling...

It's so important to be able to express your feelings and emotions in the present.

I really hope...

It's so important to be clear about what you want the other person to do and to explain your needs. It's also helpful to make your expectations quantifiable, executable, and visible.

I truly believe that...

Let's talk about what you'd like to see happen in the future.

It's so important to remember that you can't change what you can't change. But you can absolutely change how you interact with your wife and communicate with her. By doing so, you can help her slowly develop a sense of trust and dependence on you. And that will be so beneficial in helping her move past the past!

6. Be sure to cooperate with professional treatment.

It's so important to trust in the power of professional help. Following the doctor's instructions and providing professional treatment for your wife will be very beneficial in helping her overcome her depression.

It's so great to see that you've been together for 13 years and married for 10! That really shows how strong your relationship is. I truly believe that with a little effort, you can work through this and start anew. Believe in yourself and your wife, and know that love will help you move forward and start a new chapter together.

And finally, I just want to wish you and your wife all the happiness in the world!